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Deleted member 80556
Unconfirmed Member
It's not that she can't eat, she's having some problems with her family, and must feel quite alone right now. And well, we've been talking and she really trusts me.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Then you don't need to do anything special, just be you as cliched as that sounds. Anybody I trust is someone I want to be around.
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Deleted member 80556
Unconfirmed Member
You make cliche sound bad!
But I like cliche so whatever
, thanks for the suggestions, guys.To be completely fair, BttF is no ordinary movie.
And movie dates aren't completely guaranteed to fail, (otherwise they never would have become the go-to date for lots of people), it's just that on average, there are much better options available. I don't have much experience, but every movie date I had added an unnecessary degree of "risk" to the dates--movies, especially movies you're seeing for the first time, can have some unintended effect on your/her mood, wreck your concentration or even just wear you both out so even a followup coffee seems like too much.
One date I had hit all three--Took her to Sweet Home Alabama, a movie she wanted to see, but afterward she felt so angry at it (hit a lot of stupid/almost-mean-spirited redneck cliches which bugged her as we're from a rural area) that we both wound up going home early.
Granted, that was a very specific reaction and won't happen everytime, but it's definitely affected my view of movie dates.
I was just giving an example. A small gesture such as bringing her food, taking out her trash... I don't know. I think one should ALWAYS do little special things for those they care for, even if they're basically acquaintances. But if someone is down it is an especially good time to do so.
It's worth it if you haven't already to apply this to all your friendships and relations. It feels good to give.
Unless you're in middle school, no. You're setting up a negative pattern and it will ruin all of your future relationships.
wtf :lol You'd flip out if I told you about this night IzickNice to get confirmation that women think I'm a good dancer (100% self taught, not a single step taken until two years ago).
You'd flip out if I told you my night trust me. It was some crazy ass shit. Don't want to brag or anything.
i watched a movie alone
Devolution
Member
Vermillion
Banned
You can't, you won't, meet new people.
Thanks. I guess "coffee or something" works.
Vermillion
Banned
You need to find some extracurriculars.
I agree. She wanted to do the movie, I urged we do something more casual like grabbing a drink so we could talk and get a general feel for everything. She refused, said movie is a better choice, I said fine and so on.
AdventureRacing
Member
One of the easiest ways is to find a sport to play, it doesn't matter if your athletic or not there are plenty of social sports and you meet lots of people.
Sounds like you are capable of playing sport then. Lots of fun things out there.
Sounds like you are capable of playing sport then. Lots of fun things out there.
Stop whining. The girl may have been rude to bail like that in middle of film but your response to her was childish and everything you've said since has demonstrated perhaps she may have done so for a particular reason.
Vermillion
Banned
Wait, you're in college? Even better. You can meet people anywhere.
AdventureRacing
Member
Yeah i didn't really take notice of that. College/university is probably the best oppurtunity of your adult life to meet new people.
Vermillion
Banned
Ooh, that sucks. Might as well go to CC. But at least you have your classes!
Vermillion
Banned
Talk to people! Spend more time on campus just walking around. Meet up with a classmate to do something. Join a club!
Where is there any whining in that? I agreed with her statement on how a first date should be conducted in a more social environment and gave some extra details on why a movie date was picked.
Is there a local hangout people go to on Thursdays? A bunch of people in my college classes go to a karaoke bar only a few blocks from the campus. Great and easy way to meet new people or to just hangout with friends from class.
Really, I didn't realize this until after leaving college. Make the best use of that time if you can.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
You usually just say "wanna go to starbucks?" though, which doesn't really need to involve coffee.
McDonalds, Subway, Burger King, etc works fine too.
Honestly, I have no real idea what people do there. All of my friends are people that I knew from school(s) before I went to college.
Not an excuse bro. You're still in contact with multiple opportunities daily.
Once you're out of college and in the work force full-time, it becomes harder.
I believe you, but I don't understand that. School is basically just another job, or at least that's how I see it. I just put in my time, go to the classes, do the shit they tell me (then go to the gym there) and then go home. Just another job.
Commute makes it a lot harder since you don't get the full college experience.
But going to study sessions, joining a club, and other college activities should be available to take advantage of.
I commuted to college too.
I think it's much more opportunistic than the work force, regardless of commuting or being on-campus. You have several classes per day, and every class does not have the same group of people. This means you're in contact with many different girls throughout the day. There's also the times in between classes, or situations where you have to pair up with people for projects which can force interaction with them.
At work you deal with the same (much smaller) group of people forever.
They're also generally a much wider age variety than college students.
When I finished college, I moved to an entirely different part of my state for my new job. I knew NO ONE and I'm hours away from my home town and original friends. I got to know my co workers and that's about it. I'm a year and a half into it now.
I'm currently dating a co-worker, and I feel I'm not exposed to nearly the same kind of opportunities as in college. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with her. But seriously, it took me a year and a half to finally date someone since college... sure, my situation made it a little more difficult, but I found the work force to have many less fish out there to find.
I think it's much more opportunistic than the work force, regardless of commuting or being on-campus. You have several classes per day, and every class does not have the same group of people. This means you're in contact with many different girls throughout the day. There's also the times in between classes, or situations where you have to pair up with people for projects which can force interaction with them.
At work you deal with the same (much smaller) group of people forever.
ok not really forever, but you see what I mean...it doesn't change often at all like in college
When I finished college, I moved to an entirely different part of my state for my new job. I knew NO ONE and I'm hours away from my home town and original friends. I got to know my co workers and that's about it. I'm a year and a half into it now.
I'm currently dating a co-worker, and I feel I'm not exposed to nearly the same kind of opportunities as in college. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with her. But seriously, it took me a year and a half to finally date someone since college... sure, my situation made it a little more difficult, but I found the work force to have many less fish out there to find.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
After class you usually have the opportunity to complain about the professor/homework, get some conversation flowing, asking them what's happening tonight/weekend (whatever the local student party culture is about over there) and maybe get yourself to a couple of home parties.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
I guess it does vary from country to country, city to city.
That's always worth keeping in mind, sometimes it can be really hard to "enter" a group unless you were part of it's inception (usually at the start of college, sometimes even before that).
I met new people a) being on vacation abroad b)in clubs and bars c)on dating sites.
there are no other "sure shot" options.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I know all too well what Izick is talking about. No parties, no hangouts, no people that you can go out with. It's a tough issue to break. I'm just putting more focus on getting my body looking right for now, I feel like that's one of the things that holds me back mentally.
You don't need people to go out with all the time, though. Visit local bars or whatever and make smalltalk with the bartender and you'll be surprised how social people can be.
A month ago I was out with friends and went to get the next round of drinks, spun the chair at the bar so I could sit, and it led to a compliment from the girl sitting next to it. I talked with her while waiting for the drinks and invited her to join me and my friends.
Vermillion
Banned
Ask people about things. Get together in study groups. Say something to someone near you.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
As pathetic as it sounds I don't think I have the balls or the skills to go to a place like a bar alone especially when everyone else around here is there with a group.
take a few trips there. It's not mandatory to hit on a girl on the first visit. Just sit there and get comfortable with yourself for a few weekends then you'll be ready to make the next move.
Vermillion
Banned
Try to get comfortable talking to random people. It helps.
This goes for you too, Izick.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Fuck yeah. Went with a huge group out on the town tonight and successfully picked up two girls. One I drove home cuz she needed a ride; the other one followed me around the bars and danced with me all night long and was sassy the whole time. Great night for my improvement.
Well, fun story!
I went downtown with a couple of friends tonight. We got there around 11:15pm, hit up some bars, and had some drinks. Unfortunately, I had been tired all day and had gone really hard on alcohol last night, so keeping myself going was a bit of a struggle (even though I started off the night with a Jaeger bomb...). By around 12:15 I just wasn't feeling it. My best friend had met up with people he came into town with and I didn't feel like hanging around them, so my other friend and I went out to the rooftop deck at the bar we were at to chill and people watch.
After around 20 minutes of this I was honestly pretty tired and not in the mood to drink much more, so I was considering heading home. At about this time, a girl ("Birthday Girl") winds up next to my friend at the rail of the deck, and my friend starts making conversation with her. I didn't want to butt in on that so I continued to chill. But soon enough two of her friends come up and get introduced to my friend. Now I find myself as part of the conversation and I start talking to the two friends.
Somehow one of the friends, who is pretty darn attractive (more so than any girl I've been involved with in the past, even) and I ease into conversation. The other friend is listening at first but a guy comes up and starts talking to her, so the girl I'm talking to (let's call her "Jill") and I are to talk each other up. We start by talking about mundane stuff -- what we study, what kind of music we like, etc. -- but at some point it becomes clear to me that she is actually pretty interested in talking to me specifically. So for the rest of the night, we're pretty much hip to hip, holding hands, linking arms, etc. At one point they all go to the bathroom and my friend tells me that Birthday Girl says Jill has a thing for Asian guys, and at a later point, Birthday Girl and Jill go to the bathroom and the other friend tells me Jill is definitely into me and that we should exchange numbers. Eventually we share a short kiss after flirting around at a table and playing a little thumb war.
After the bars close, Birthday Girl starts having a pretty rough time. They're trying to get back to their hotel room, but it's getting a little difficult, as Birthday Girl is having trouble not falling over and not vomiting. Jill is being a really good friend and helping her walk, helping her sit down, helping her get to a trash can. I realize that I can't ask her for her number as she's holding Birthday Girl's hair out of her face, and that they're waiting for another friend to come pick them up, so I know it may be hard to get her number. And I'm totally cool with it in that moment. They're here from out of town and the night has already been awesome, so it doesn't really matter if I get her number or not. Fortunately, though, after they get Birthday Girl into the car, I manage to get her number. She kisses me twice and tells me she had a really great night.
Having had struggles getting used to being single since my big, huge breakup a year ago, it was just really nice to know that these kinds of things are possible. I never thought that hitting it off with a random very attractive girl at a bar, kissing her, and getting her number all in one night was something that I was capable of. The best part of it was, I didn't have to try to woo her or speak to her in a certain way to get her interested in me. All I did in the beginning is just shoot the shit with her and talk about whatever, and since I was so relaxed, everything came so naturally. I was just myself and a wonderfully attractive girl I had just met was into me.
I went downtown with a couple of friends tonight. We got there around 11:15pm, hit up some bars, and had some drinks. Unfortunately, I had been tired all day and had gone really hard on alcohol last night, so keeping myself going was a bit of a struggle (even though I started off the night with a Jaeger bomb...). By around 12:15 I just wasn't feeling it. My best friend had met up with people he came into town with and I didn't feel like hanging around them, so my other friend and I went out to the rooftop deck at the bar we were at to chill and people watch.
After around 20 minutes of this I was honestly pretty tired and not in the mood to drink much more, so I was considering heading home. At about this time, a girl ("Birthday Girl") winds up next to my friend at the rail of the deck, and my friend starts making conversation with her. I didn't want to butt in on that so I continued to chill. But soon enough two of her friends come up and get introduced to my friend. Now I find myself as part of the conversation and I start talking to the two friends.
Somehow one of the friends, who is pretty darn attractive (more so than any girl I've been involved with in the past, even) and I ease into conversation. The other friend is listening at first but a guy comes up and starts talking to her, so the girl I'm talking to (let's call her "Jill") and I are to talk each other up. We start by talking about mundane stuff -- what we study, what kind of music we like, etc. -- but at some point it becomes clear to me that she is actually pretty interested in talking to me specifically. So for the rest of the night, we're pretty much hip to hip, holding hands, linking arms, etc. At one point they all go to the bathroom and my friend tells me that Birthday Girl says Jill has a thing for Asian guys, and at a later point, Birthday Girl and Jill go to the bathroom and the other friend tells me Jill is definitely into me and that we should exchange numbers. Eventually we share a short kiss after flirting around at a table and playing a little thumb war.
After the bars close, Birthday Girl starts having a pretty rough time. They're trying to get back to their hotel room, but it's getting a little difficult, as Birthday Girl is having trouble not falling over and not vomiting. Jill is being a really good friend and helping her walk, helping her sit down, helping her get to a trash can. I realize that I can't ask her for her number as she's holding Birthday Girl's hair out of her face, and that they're waiting for another friend to come pick them up, so I know it may be hard to get her number. And I'm totally cool with it in that moment. They're here from out of town and the night has already been awesome, so it doesn't really matter if I get her number or not. Fortunately, though, after they get Birthday Girl into the car, I manage to get her number. She kisses me twice and tells me she had a really great night.
Having had struggles getting used to being single since my big, huge breakup a year ago, it was just really nice to know that these kinds of things are possible. I never thought that hitting it off with a random very attractive girl at a bar, kissing her, and getting her number all in one night was something that I was capable of. The best part of it was, I didn't have to try to woo her or speak to her in a certain way to get her interested in me. All I did in the beginning is just shoot the shit with her and talk about whatever, and since I was so relaxed, everything came so naturally. I was just myself and a wonderfully attractive girl I had just met was into me.
Now that I'm at home. I have a half hour bus ride any time I want to go anywhere. Unless I find a lady at the club (which hasn't happened yet), I have to leave fast to catch the last ride home (I'm not paying for a taxi). I go out anyway. As usual, I was fairly nervous about going out alone but I got a text from my friend so we met up later on. But I also met two brothers in the club queue that I introduced myself to and it didn't take many seconds for them to notice my Iron Maiden shirt and they were like "this guy is with us, you're hanging out with us tonight, let's have drinks!". Meeting people is not hard. The social anxiety is completely irrational no matter how strong it is.
I'm starting to like this girl we text each other back and forth. She seems comfortable talking to me so I decided that we should get something to eat this week (if I can turn this into something). She said yeah so now I have a chance to talk to her face to face. Not getting my hopes up too much that this will pull through.
Vermillion
Banned
Which reminds me of how I need an interesting shirt.
None of my shirts really say anything because I don't care for them to. No bands, no jokes - nothing like that.
maquiladora
Member
Shy/sensitive/introverted guys please avert your eyes.
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