Starting over
- Thread starter SirIgbyCeaser
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NinjaBoiX
Member
Oh man, quote of the forever!
Is that what you actually said? "Buy me food?" What did she say to that?
I am starting to feel some sympathy for you but only because you seem incredibly down.
But there's like a tick-box thing somewhere I'm sure about worrying things men say in relationships and 'we used to have sex so therefore I can get away with what I want' and 'she must have wanted me because she did her hair a certain way' are probably both on it.
But there's like a tick-box thing somewhere I'm sure about worrying things men say in relationships and 'we used to have sex so therefore I can get away with what I want' and 'she must have wanted me because she did her hair a certain way' are probably both on it.
I loled
SquiddyCracker
Banned
I'm wondering how much of Igby's accounts are what actually happened, and how much is his warped view of what happened/outright delusion.
LaserBuddha
Member
You really need to drop this "beat poetry" writing style. Your aren't going to get anywhere in this thread or in life if you deliberately make your statements nonsensical and say "that's just how I write now". This is not an art venue.
SirIgbyCeaser
Banned
That's how I bullied her, I made her buy me macdonalds that day! haha.
There's also, hey maybe a checkbox necessary he's not a psycho killer. He just had a bad girlfriend.
There's also, hey maybe a checkbox necessary he's not a psycho killer. He just had a bad girlfriend.
...dude
Igby if this is a troll you are a genius.
If not, man I am glad you are far away from this girl.
You said earlier you thought things could have worked themselves out. Don't you see that they did? This is the natural end. This is how they've worked out, there was no other way things could have gone.
If not, man I am glad you are far away from this girl.
You said earlier you thought things could have worked themselves out. Don't you see that they did? This is the natural end. This is how they've worked out, there was no other way things could have gone.
nVidiot_Whore
Banned
"I knew she wanted sex."
"Later I realized..."
OK
"Later I realized..."
OK
You, uh, don't gloat about stuff like that.
Fuck it this thread has went to crazy town anyways.
This line makes this entire thread worth it. LMAO.
Seriously, this is either an amazing troll job or you need some serious help OP.
Chun-Li On A Bike
Banned
Yes but, we obviously don't know him.
No one can say for sure if this guy is a good or bad guy. He just had puppy love, which is obviously immature and he doesn't understand the nature of what actual love and care is, but that is his problem and something that a lot of people seem to deal with from what I see.
Either way, if he was going to school and had a job in CA then it was probably a lot of work and a big change for him.
I don't re call him saying anything about what he did once he got deported but I probably missed it or he ignored it if he did. I have did a lot of traveling my-self and it was planned. To think of doing it like he was doing it seems like a pretty scary thing to me. Especially if he has any sort of health issues or fears.
I just feel maybe some of the posters should try to help him without slamming him so much. For all we know, his gf is much worse than some of you assume he is, but that would just be another assumption.
It won't do anyone any good to call him a creep or to say harsh things to him. He isn't going to believe it and you aren't going to get any truth out of him by pertaining him to some sort of negative light.
I'd like to think from what I have seen from the members here we can all tell him he should move on in a nicer way. If we are constantly putting him down in a negative light, I just don't see where this has any positive bearing on anything.
Either way, I am personally glad I don't have that problem of feeling I must be with someone who is trying leave me. It's quite the ignorant thing to do, he obviously doesn't think like a lot of us though. It isn't his fault, he is who he is.
I 100 percent agree that he needs to somehow figure out that he doesn't need a girl who doesn't want to be with him. It is him though, as long as he isn't going to hurt the girl or bother her constatly then it should be alright. I know he keeps saying he can work it out, but he really needs to understand that there is nothing to work out. I agree he has to move the hell on.
The only thing I can take from this is that either you're crazy, or you're both crazy. Pick one.
Hydranockz
Member
Shouldn't you be playing poke right about now?
Mengy
wishes it were bannable to say mean things about Marvel
LOL! That's gold. My gf is taking me out to dinner tonight, and I'm going to work that into the conversation somehow.
"No, not now. I can't deal with it. Buy me food."
CloakedPuppet
Member
This thread has been an entertaining read. It's also extra nice to know that as a Canadian, we have respectable and fair deportation process.
Nuts, anyone?
Nuts, anyone?
SirIgbyCeaser
Banned
But, what did the bra look like?Game is exactly in one hour!
Cya guys.
LaserBuddha
Member
This thread has been GOLD
She exerted some effort and probably wanted some sort of reconciliation and/or taking your relationship to the next level and you asked her for a sandwich instead? Also, where the fuck did you learn about dating and relationships? From the North Korean film version of Shakespeare in Love? I could see the pedestal you put her on in Toronto from all the way down here in Atlanta.
NinjaBoiX
Member
Game is exactly in one hour!
Cya guys.
Let us know if you pull.
Out of Working Order
Member
Mr. Igby is having a good laugh at our expense, I am sure.
CloakedPuppet
Member
I honestly hope so. I can't imagine someone being this thick.
Game is exactly in one hour!
Cya guys.
Igby, please come back after the game and tell us more about how this girl ruined your life. I think we're really getting somewhere and may break through some important walls.
I heard about the story, but never read it before. Oh my god.
Out of Working Order
Member
I just read one of his posts in the voice of Mordin from Mass Effect. It really works.
nVidiot_Whore
Banned
I'm going with Max Payne.
VelvetMouth
Member
Deported from Canada, is that even possible? I stayed with my boyfriend who's not Canadian in Canada for almost two years on a tourist visa I renewed through the mail and I got free healthcare as well because he worked there.
Nut up man.
Nut up man.
He's got to catch them all, and then not let them go.
That may have just been an elaborate troll as well (like this has probably been).
It's a good read in any case.
ConradCervantes
Banned
This thread is the best thing today.
Hungry Ghost
Member
When you say beat poet do you mean rapper..
Nah like one of those dudes that wear all black and smoke cigs in jazz clubs.
Ok igby I went through the thread and I understand a little bit where you are coming from, and I even sympathize with you.
I met my current girlfriend and we told each other we love each other after only 2 weeks. We have been together for over 2 years now. We had pretty bad fights our first year, and I used to work/study a lot so she left me. I wrote her emails asking for another chance and to talk too. I know what it's like to want to fight and make things right. Luckily enough she responded after me pretty much harassing her with emails (not with 15 emails though damn...more like 4 or 5).Sometimes girls do test you to see if you do want them.
I think you were thinking something along those lines like "this is a test I won't give up" but you were very mistaken. She DID want you gone. She wouldn't threaten to call the cops if she didn't. She told you about summer so you'd leave her alone.
I think you really cared about this girl and you were in denial over the split. I don't think you are a bad person. But you DID BREAK THE LAW. She warned you. You did not listen. Now you get to pay. Some people pay with their lives. Others just get ignored. You got deported. Shit sucks.
What happened to you is not necessarily fair, but it is just. There was no way for that girl to have known if you were going to kill her especially after only 3 months together. You barely know each other. You harassed her, she called the police.
You had good intentions, but that is irrelevant because you threatened her safety. People usually bring up the police when they are scared. That was your cue. It sucks that you had to go through all that when you had no ill will but that's life.
You need to recognize that you had no ill will BUT accept responsibility for your actions. You also need to readjust your expectations of what a relationship is. No one is obligated to stay in one. No one owns the other. She owes you nothing.
Learn from this. Let her go. You fucked up.
I met my current girlfriend and we told each other we love each other after only 2 weeks. We have been together for over 2 years now. We had pretty bad fights our first year, and I used to work/study a lot so she left me. I wrote her emails asking for another chance and to talk too. I know what it's like to want to fight and make things right. Luckily enough she responded after me pretty much harassing her with emails (not with 15 emails though damn...more like 4 or 5).Sometimes girls do test you to see if you do want them.
I think you were thinking something along those lines like "this is a test I won't give up" but you were very mistaken. She DID want you gone. She wouldn't threaten to call the cops if she didn't. She told you about summer so you'd leave her alone.
I think you really cared about this girl and you were in denial over the split. I don't think you are a bad person. But you DID BREAK THE LAW. She warned you. You did not listen. Now you get to pay. Some people pay with their lives. Others just get ignored. You got deported. Shit sucks.
What happened to you is not necessarily fair, but it is just. There was no way for that girl to have known if you were going to kill her especially after only 3 months together. You barely know each other. You harassed her, she called the police.
You had good intentions, but that is irrelevant because you threatened her safety. People usually bring up the police when they are scared. That was your cue. It sucks that you had to go through all that when you had no ill will but that's life.
You need to recognize that you had no ill will BUT accept responsibility for your actions. You also need to readjust your expectations of what a relationship is. No one is obligated to stay in one. No one owns the other. She owes you nothing.
Learn from this. Let her go. You fucked up.
This is the best advice you could possibly get. Please read every paragraph over and over until you understand it!
The One Who Knocks
Member
This thread just seems absolutely surreal. It feels to me as if it is a mix between a soap opera, a docudrama and a sitcom (all due. to the style of. writing that is beat poet. style.
).
I hope you (the original poster) can learn to move on and most importantly understand why you were deported. As others have advised the best advice I can honestly give is to see a psychiatrist which I get the impression that you're already doing (I'm sorry, but your style of writing irritates me to such an extent that I find it difficult to compile your thoughts in a coherent manner so sorry if I am misinterpreting what you've said). I'm only on page seven currently (out of eleven) so if this has been expanded upon since then I apologise.
Honestly, I do hope you can try to elaborate further, if you've not already done so, without your "beat poetry style", in a more neutral fashion. With this we can hopefully get a much clearer view of the events as at the moment I'm finding it hard to concur that you were punished in a callous act and instead it seems to me as if she was absolutely justified by going to the authorities (as you by your own admission continued to harass her for a month after a three/four [depending on whether the month of harassment is being included which hasn't been clarified by page seven] relationship).
EDIT: Actually, to provide further help I am going to try to lay down in a neutral fashion what she may have felt you did wrong, thus allowing you to hopefully understand her side of the story more.
First, as you have already mentioned it was only a four month relationship. Although personally this is far too short to develop an attachment to somebody, for you it does not seem to be the case and this is understandable. What you can hopefully try to understand is that not everybody is able to become attached to another person in such a short length of time, and definitely not to the same extent that you have. Although you were seemingly madly in love with her and although she may have responded to this with affection too, it seems very likely that she did not feel as strongly as you did. Even with such strong feelings in a relationship it is important to balance both your feelings and the other person's feelings, taking both into account. It seems as if you weren't entirely aware of how she felt, instead focusing solely upon what you felt.
Second as has been stated continuing contact after she already told you repeatedly to cease contacting her was a big mistake, the extent of which made the situation much worse. The problem with continuing to try and make contact with her is that she has already acknowledged that it is over, that she has already informed you that the relationship is over and that she has no interest in communicating with you any longer. By not only sending her one email, but fifteen, you are completely disregarding her wishes and are also sending her an excessive number of emails. This makes you seem obsessive which, in terms of a relationship, especially one that has only lasted for a short period of time, is not a good sign. It makes you seem creepy when combined with the length that you two were together and taking into account that you are ignoring her desire to leave the relationship. It gives of the impression that you are similar to a stalker which is an extremely bad vibe to give to the other person in the relationship, to the parents and, in this case, to the police. Had you sent maybe one or two emails she may not have ended up contacting the police and the situation may be different but which such an excessive amount of emails I believe that she was correct to fear for her safety. In her eyes she was receiving constant communication, being harassed by somebody who desired a relationship, after explicitly stating that she did not want this.
Third, your "beat poet style", assuming you wrote to her in such a manner, may have given the vibe that you are 'creepy' (note that I'm not saying you are). A problem I am having throughout this thread (and it seems that many others are too) is that your posts do not contain enough clarity and thus it becomes difficult to piece together what you are trying to say. If you used such a 'style' when making correspondance with her it is understandable that she may be put off by this. Take for example the following;
"My heart, it pulses. With desire for you" (sorry, I'm having immense difficulty immitating this) compared to "I thought we really had something good between us".
The former further adds to the image that you are being obsessive (and from reading this thread perhaps that is not an unfair assumption) about the relationship. For her, when she considers the amount of time you two have been together this does not come across well. Upon seeing multiple of these messages she may feel that you may go much further than just sending messages. Whether or not this is true (that you would escalate the situation) is irrelevant. What is relevant however is what she feels you will do and thus a much more down-to-earth message like the latter comes across far better as it makes you seem less obsessive and much more reasonable. It makes it seem like you are trying to figure out the reason the relationship is not working as opposed to expressing your never-ending love for her. Admittedly we do not have the emails you sent her so this may not be how you approached the situation but if you have done so in this manner, it is worth keeping in mind the potential flaw you made in doing so.
Fourth (and finally unless I think of more later) is regard to your interaction with her parents. I will try to avoid making assumptions about the parents based on what you have told us (their religion) but aside from that it seems as if they had a significant impact upon her decision making and, in addition to this, you tried very strongly to be accepted (or liked) by them. Now, I do not know how you tried to achieve this, I will admit, but if you tried to win their affection via establishing communication at multiple times similar to how you did with your girlfriend (after the break up but as I've already stated I'm not sure if four months includes the one month of harassment) then you've approached it incorrectly. What you should try to do rather than meeting up with them multiple times, expressing your love and speaking in 'poetic style' is to, once again, appear much more down-to-earth by meeting with them when their daughter feels it is necessary. If they ask for help or suggest a possible way in which you can aid them by all means do so but try to avoid pushing yourself onto them and intruding upon them as that makes it seem like you're trying to force your way into their lives. By doing so you show them that you aren't trying to manipulate them into liking you (although I guess this could count as manipulation) but are instead integrating yourself naturally into their life and thus allowing them to build up respect towards you naturally as opposed to you forcing it upon them.
This is all advice in hindsight, I know, but hopefully at the very least you'll be able to see your ex-girlfriend's point of view and understand where you went wrong (and as a result why she got the police involved). I will be the first to admit I probably am not the best to give advice with regards to a relationship but from reading this thread that is my immediate thoughts upon the events you have mentioned
I'm joking with that 'style' of fragmented sentances of course
I hope you (the original poster) can learn to move on and most importantly understand why you were deported. As others have advised the best advice I can honestly give is to see a psychiatrist which I get the impression that you're already doing (I'm sorry, but your style of writing irritates me to such an extent that I find it difficult to compile your thoughts in a coherent manner so sorry if I am misinterpreting what you've said). I'm only on page seven currently (out of eleven) so if this has been expanded upon since then I apologise.
Honestly, I do hope you can try to elaborate further, if you've not already done so, without your "beat poetry style", in a more neutral fashion. With this we can hopefully get a much clearer view of the events as at the moment I'm finding it hard to concur that you were punished in a callous act and instead it seems to me as if she was absolutely justified by going to the authorities (as you by your own admission continued to harass her for a month after a three/four [depending on whether the month of harassment is being included which hasn't been clarified by page seven] relationship).
EDIT: Actually, to provide further help I am going to try to lay down in a neutral fashion what she may have felt you did wrong, thus allowing you to hopefully understand her side of the story more.
First, as you have already mentioned it was only a four month relationship. Although personally this is far too short to develop an attachment to somebody, for you it does not seem to be the case and this is understandable. What you can hopefully try to understand is that not everybody is able to become attached to another person in such a short length of time, and definitely not to the same extent that you have. Although you were seemingly madly in love with her and although she may have responded to this with affection too, it seems very likely that she did not feel as strongly as you did. Even with such strong feelings in a relationship it is important to balance both your feelings and the other person's feelings, taking both into account. It seems as if you weren't entirely aware of how she felt, instead focusing solely upon what you felt.
Second as has been stated continuing contact after she already told you repeatedly to cease contacting her was a big mistake, the extent of which made the situation much worse. The problem with continuing to try and make contact with her is that she has already acknowledged that it is over, that she has already informed you that the relationship is over and that she has no interest in communicating with you any longer. By not only sending her one email, but fifteen, you are completely disregarding her wishes and are also sending her an excessive number of emails. This makes you seem obsessive which, in terms of a relationship, especially one that has only lasted for a short period of time, is not a good sign. It makes you seem creepy when combined with the length that you two were together and taking into account that you are ignoring her desire to leave the relationship. It gives of the impression that you are similar to a stalker which is an extremely bad vibe to give to the other person in the relationship, to the parents and, in this case, to the police. Had you sent maybe one or two emails she may not have ended up contacting the police and the situation may be different but which such an excessive amount of emails I believe that she was correct to fear for her safety. In her eyes she was receiving constant communication, being harassed by somebody who desired a relationship, after explicitly stating that she did not want this.
Third, your "beat poet style", assuming you wrote to her in such a manner, may have given the vibe that you are 'creepy' (note that I'm not saying you are). A problem I am having throughout this thread (and it seems that many others are too) is that your posts do not contain enough clarity and thus it becomes difficult to piece together what you are trying to say. If you used such a 'style' when making correspondance with her it is understandable that she may be put off by this. Take for example the following;
"My heart, it pulses. With desire for you" (sorry, I'm having immense difficulty immitating this) compared to "I thought we really had something good between us".
The former further adds to the image that you are being obsessive (and from reading this thread perhaps that is not an unfair assumption) about the relationship. For her, when she considers the amount of time you two have been together this does not come across well. Upon seeing multiple of these messages she may feel that you may go much further than just sending messages. Whether or not this is true (that you would escalate the situation) is irrelevant. What is relevant however is what she feels you will do and thus a much more down-to-earth message like the latter comes across far better as it makes you seem less obsessive and much more reasonable. It makes it seem like you are trying to figure out the reason the relationship is not working as opposed to expressing your never-ending love for her. Admittedly we do not have the emails you sent her so this may not be how you approached the situation but if you have done so in this manner, it is worth keeping in mind the potential flaw you made in doing so.
Fourth (and finally unless I think of more later) is regard to your interaction with her parents. I will try to avoid making assumptions about the parents based on what you have told us (their religion) but aside from that it seems as if they had a significant impact upon her decision making and, in addition to this, you tried very strongly to be accepted (or liked) by them. Now, I do not know how you tried to achieve this, I will admit, but if you tried to win their affection via establishing communication at multiple times similar to how you did with your girlfriend (after the break up but as I've already stated I'm not sure if four months includes the one month of harassment) then you've approached it incorrectly. What you should try to do rather than meeting up with them multiple times, expressing your love and speaking in 'poetic style' is to, once again, appear much more down-to-earth by meeting with them when their daughter feels it is necessary. If they ask for help or suggest a possible way in which you can aid them by all means do so but try to avoid pushing yourself onto them and intruding upon them as that makes it seem like you're trying to force your way into their lives. By doing so you show them that you aren't trying to manipulate them into liking you (although I guess this could count as manipulation) but are instead integrating yourself naturally into their life and thus allowing them to build up respect towards you naturally as opposed to you forcing it upon them.
This is all advice in hindsight, I know, but hopefully at the very least you'll be able to see your ex-girlfriend's point of view and understand where you went wrong (and as a result why she got the police involved). I will be the first to admit I probably am not the best to give advice with regards to a relationship but from reading this thread that is my immediate thoughts upon the events you have mentioned
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