WyndhamPrice
Member
Yeah, have that stuff on standby. And be patient.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
Yeah, have that stuff on standby. And be patient.
Pollux
Member
I thought you ignored me?
But I know she's not...but I know he is....you sure? well fuck.
Count Dookkake
Member
lol. Ignore function is for the weak. Not sure how you got that impression.
Pollux said:
Junkies tend to hang out with junkies. People who hang out with junkies have a decent chance of becoming junkies. Some people become junkies through the efforts of others. It is a terrible drug.
Even so, do you really want to be the guy that had to break a relationship up to get with her? You seem like a cool dude, so I'm pretty you don't need to do that to get with somebody.
Her choice in character is abysmal. If she is willing to stay in the relationship, she doesn't respect herself. You can do better than that.
Who doesn't like Nintendo?
Pff, you can win a girl then whoever she was seeing wasn't right for her. Most girls I know latch on to a guy until they have someone else lined up. So line yourself up if you want her.
Pollux
Member
Il thinking the same. But still i want to be single on the other hand.
I guess to be fair, the best way to "break them up" is to show her that you are the better choice. Just be there for her. A relationship where one is on heroin seems like a house built on sand. It will likely end, and then she'll remember how awesome you were the whole time, and she'll remember how nice you were. It may take longer, but she'll go to you naturally, and you'll both feel better about it at the end of the day.
Send her pics of your cock.
Sure, no problem. Let me know any time via PM. I'll try to set up a small GAF meetup if anything. I'm free up until the 27th when school starts, but I'll still have time to hang out provided I'm not busy because it's gonna be easy for the first 2 weeks or so. You know, there's a meet up on the 25th so you're welcome to join us if you're free. It'll be fun. All the Gaffers that I've met are pretty cool people in person (including myself).
I told this to Xun in the OKC thread, and I'll say it to you (and anybody else who thinks this way) in this thread: Don't dismiss yourself because of your looks; chances are you're probably not as bad looking as you perceive yourself to be. Women check out guys all the time; you're just not aware of it seems. You must have some good qualities that make you feel confident, but you're discrediting yourself. I know because I have some confidence issues myself. But I have a lot of good attractive qualities that people admire and women are attracted to.
Another thing that seems to be working against you is that every time you go out it seems to be with the intention of meeting women which makes you feel disappointed in the end of the day. If you decide to go to a bar, go in with the intention of having a beer and relaxing; talking to women comes second. You can make small talk with some of the patrons and the bartenders to warm yourself up. If you keep your expectations low every time you go out, you'll feel no pressure to have to talk to women. It'll happen naturally. I always do that, and things turn out surprisingly well for me.
Every time I'm walking in the streets and a woman makes eye contact with me, she's checking me out. I typically return the favor by smiling and give an acknowledging nod. I don't do it often, but I'm practicing it and it feels good. It helps that I work out and have long hair, so I stick out as a result. I have very little experience with women and while sometimes, I feel a lot like you do, I start telling myself that I'm able to appreciate some things better when I'm alone because the day I get into a relationship, I'm not going to have as much time to do so. I've also become more street smart thanks to being out by myself. If you're still in college, then take advantage of going to social events and/or clubs whenever you're free.
There are women that find you attractive whether you like it or not; you just haven't accepted it. So I hear you on that man, but don't cry yourself over it; being negative is only going to lead to a downward spiral. To echo what EviLore once said: Get off GAF and do something interesting at least every weekend.
You can also try your hand at online dating which I've been doing (no dates yet; I met a chick last summer, but there wasn't any chemistry)on the side. But as long as you don't take it personally if a woman doesn't reply or suddenly stops replying, you'll be fine.
Magic 8 Ball says "Don't do anything and move on." Don't bother trying to throw a wrench into it because you're only going to make things worse.
If she realizes it's a problematic relationship, then she'll either break it off and a have a cool down period before she decides to date again or she'll deal with it and stay with him. Either way, it's not your concern nor should it be.
Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
Lube is seriously your best friend in this situation. Nothing worse than dry sex ugh
Etrian Oddity
Member
Outstanding post, especially coming from you (no offense intended).
I really need to figure out what is so unattractive/repulsive about my personality, though. I'm not the doormat nice guy, but it genuinely feels that because I don't treat women like shit that I'm seen as asexual. This has been a recurring theme for a year.
Hell, I am incredibly flirty and upfront with girls, and I STILL get friend-zoned all the time. I just don't understand, and none of my friends can (or will) offer an explanation.
Smh...
SlipperySlope
Banned
Agree totally. It just wasn't... Pleasant. Feeling like I'm hurting her took all of the pleasure out of it.
Definitely getting lube. Even when I was fingering her before intercourse I could tell something was off regarding lubrication, but figured her body would correct itself if we proceeded. I figured wrong.
She gave me oral afterwards to get me off, and we cuddled for about half an hour. I gave her some oral too, but frankly I've never been good at that.
I gave her a French kiss after she gave me oral, which I always considered very important. I always saw it as a way to show appreciation. A respect thing. I don't know how to put it...
Anyway, tomorrow I need to wash the blood stain out of the sheets.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
The vagina can get tighter if the woman is a bit anxious and stressed, there is also this syndrome.
Did you give her oral sex before initiating the docking?
The natural lube is also pretty unreliably, and will vary in consistency, slippery, and amount depending on what day it is and what time of day it is - so it would probably be a good idea to test out a couple of different types of lubes.
Devolution
Member
Sounds like some trust issues you should just hash out with her and or yourself. It happens. Just don't let it affect stuff.
There's no way to give you advice without knowing exactly what you did. I mean, was there any foreplay? Did you eat her out? Massage? Anything? If you just tried to shove your cock inside her then there's your answer. Lube will help (KY Warming Gel is good), but even with lube if you just go straight to penetration she'll think you're horrible.
Do you ever disagree with girls? Do you carry strong opinions? Being flirty and upfront is good, but women are a tad more complex than that, and they'll consistently test you to see if you're really the type of man you portray yourself to be or just fronting. They'll disagree with you on purpose, they'll start debates that you better not back out of, etc. Stand your ground and you'll reach the promised land eventually. You are how you are, package deal. Maybe you'll make gradual changes for them but only if they earn it by also changing for YOU.
Or go to rehab and get through it with the support of his girlfriend?
True love conquering everything etc, but then again I'm a hopeless romantic.
(And I went through the same in my own relationship, me being the smackhead)
foreplay
ConradCervantes
Banned
Blader, right now I'm going through the same stuff. And I feel totally hypocritical because I've been with a lot of women. Maybe not a lot in comparison to some of the cocksmen here on GAF, but amongst my sizable group of friends I seem to be leading the pack.
The girl I'm seeing now waited until her freshman year of college to have sex, and after that she was off to the races. Cybering would lead to random hookups with complete strangers, guys who very well may have slaughtered here immediately afterwards.
After she told me this I felt like some of the mystique had been taken away, like she was tainted, for lack of a better word. But talks with a few older friends regarding the subject opened my eyes.
She's with ME now. All that other stuff is in the past. It may have been fun, but it obviously wouldn't be a healthy lifestyle going onwards. It's a learning experience, really. She dared who she dated and took from those experiences more ideas of what she was looking for in a mate.
And she found you.
She's with you because you're the ideal man for her in her mind. It took those experiences from the past to figure that out. If she hadn't dated all those other guys, she may not have seen the good things in you that she desired when you two first met.
It sucks to think about the past, I know. But that will go away over time. I love my girl no matter what, and I fully intend on seeing this out as far as it can go. If you want to do the same with yours, just leave it in the past and admire all the qualities that drew you to her.
The girl I'm seeing now waited until her freshman year of college to have sex, and after that she was off to the races. Cybering would lead to random hookups with complete strangers, guys who very well may have slaughtered here immediately afterwards.
After she told me this I felt like some of the mystique had been taken away, like she was tainted, for lack of a better word. But talks with a few older friends regarding the subject opened my eyes.
She's with ME now. All that other stuff is in the past. It may have been fun, but it obviously wouldn't be a healthy lifestyle going onwards. It's a learning experience, really. She dared who she dated and took from those experiences more ideas of what she was looking for in a mate.
And she found you.
She's with you because you're the ideal man for her in her mind. It took those experiences from the past to figure that out. If she hadn't dated all those other guys, she may not have seen the good things in you that she desired when you two first met.
It sucks to think about the past, I know. But that will go away over time. I love my girl no matter what, and I fully intend on seeing this out as far as it can go. If you want to do the same with yours, just leave it in the past and admire all the qualities that drew you to her.
SlipperySlope
Banned
Regarding foreplay, made out for 15 minutes beforehand. There was groping, kissing, fingering, clothes coming off slowly, rubbing, but no oral. We played mini golf before we went back to my place where there was a lot of flirting.
I'll do oral before penetration next time. And some other things. Light some candles, perhaps a game of strip poker. Some wine. A blindfold.
Thanks to those who brought this up!
I'll do oral before penetration next time. And some other things. Light some candles, perhaps a game of strip poker. Some wine. A blindfold.
Thanks to those who brought this up!
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Yeah, some women need to receive an appropriate amount of oral sex before they produce sufficient lubrication for penile intercourse.
Candles, some alcohol, and some strip poker might also work at loosen her up, but I would suggest against the blindfold as it might have an opposite effect - but you're in a better position to know this.
SlipperySlope
Banned
Ooh, I'll play some Leonard Cohen music.
Or maybe Berry Manilow.
Or maybe Berry Manilow.
Kung Fu Grip
Banned
Well i don't think im hideous, but i don't think im that cute either. I have been called cute by girls before. But i just think they're trying to be nice. I just brush it off. I know, im a horrible person.
But i can also sense when girls thinks im ugly. I had a few of those while outside. But i don't keep myself that tidy (hair, clothes) so i can't really blame them. One recently was when i was at barns and noble. I went to pay for my stuff and the cashier stood up from behind the counter looked at me and had a weird expression on her face. I was going to ask "whats wrong, did i scare you?" haha. But i was afraid . She's was real pretty too, so i felt bad leaving the store.
This is true. When i go out anywhere i always expect something magical to happen. Doesn't even matter where. Then i come home just as i left.
This reminds me about a few weeks ago when i was walking home. This women is walking pass me and she see's me staring at her. She looks at me and smiles and i smile back. I didn't know what to do afterwards so i just kept walking. Don't punch me.
And your right, it does feel good.
I guess so. Maby i need to pay attention more and get rid of these negative thoughts. And boy are they negative.
What would qualify as doing something interesting?
Yeah im going to do this when i get myself together. Do people join one dating site or a bunch at one time? Would that even improve your chances at meeting someone?
no way you are getting anywhere with such attitude. Fix that first.
-ImaginaryInsider
Member
This. Run from anyone who willingly dates someone on heroin. And even if she isn't a junkie yet, trying show your the better guy may win a girl like that for a bit, but there is an underlying problem with her that will come back and bite you on the ass later... its the worst kind of white-knighting.
NihonTiger90
Member
So, just got back from my meet up. The place we were planning to meet at was closed, so we ended up walking to another tea place and then walking back to our cars, spending the whole while talking about all kinds of things interesting. We ended up after all that going back to her place, watching a few things on the TV while cuddling then heading off to bed. We ended up discussing a lot of stuff on our trip back and I was incredibly comfortable around her.
All in all, I think it was a solid start. Just waiting to see how things go down the line, and hoping our schedules will let us meet up sometime soon again (she works 2 jobs right now). Not going to rush anything.
All in all, I think it was a solid start. Just waiting to see how things go down the line, and hoping our schedules will let us meet up sometime soon again (she works 2 jobs right now). Not going to rush anything.
So, just got back from my meet up. The place we were planning to meet at was closed, so we ended up walking to another tea place and then walking back to our cars, spending the whole while talking about all kinds of things interesting. We ended up after all that going back to her place, watching a few things on the TV while cuddling then heading off to bed. We ended up discussing a lot of stuff on our trip back and I was incredibly comfortable around her.
All in all, I think it was a solid start. Just waiting to see how things go down the line, and hoping our schedules will let us meet up sometime soon again (she works 2 jobs right now). Not going to rush anything.
Well done...Just...well done.
This might be of interest to someone:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4SyrLtN4Nc
This guy is good stuff. If nothing else, he has a really commanding presence on stage that show true confidence.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4SyrLtN4Nc
This guy is good stuff. If nothing else, he has a really commanding presence on stage that show true confidence.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Yes, to all of your questions. :l
I think girls mistake my quiet confidence for an utter lack of confidence period. But that doesn't make sense because I clearly express interest...
I'm also really big about teasing girls and not backing down on my opinion. I know I'm a little chubby but not morbidly so or ugly. I just genuinely have no clue what the deal is. I'm objectively unattractive at this college.
There's moments where everyone looks at their best and their worst. When I go to the gym, I look pretty bummy and smell like sweat, but yet I still get checked out by women. Heck, most of the women at the gym typically don't dress to impress and aren't wearing any make up so we all have our moments. I don't keep my hair tidy myself for not wanting to go to the barbershop every 2 weeks to shape up my hairline. I shape it up myself as well shave at home, and only go to the barbershop once in a while.Well i don't think im hideous, but i don't think im that cute either. I have been called cute by girls before. But i just think they're trying to be nice. I just brush it off. I know, im a horrible person.
But i can also sense when girls thinks im ugly. I had a few of those while outside. But i don't keep myself that tidy (hair, clothes) so i can't really blame them. One recently was when i was at barns and noble. I went to pay for my stuff and the cashier stood up from behind the counter looked at me and had a weird expression on her face. I was going to ask "whats wrong, did i scare you?" haha. But i was afraid . She's was real pretty too, so i felt bad leaving the store.
This is true. When i go out anywhere i always expect something magical to happen. Doesn't even matter where. Then i come home just as i left.
This reminds me about a few weeks ago when i was walking home. This women is walking pass me and she see's me staring at her. She looks at me and smiles and i smile back. I didn't know what to do afterwards so i just kept walking. Don't punch me.
And your right, it does feel good.
I guess so. Maby i need to pay attention more and get rid of these negative thoughts. And boy are they negative.
What would qualify as doing something interesting?
Yeah im going to do this when i get myself together. Do people join one dating site or a bunch at one time? Would that even improve your chances at meeting someone?
But if you don't like the way you dress, you can always go the Manshion thread for advice and change it. If you haven't done so already, then I would suggest you wear clothes that fit your body because women will notice immediately. Especially if you go to the gym regularly.
I've gotten a couple of those same reactions as well though. It sucks because I've been wrongly accused of stealing stuff, so the way you present yourself is important depending on the context. Sometimes, I'll make awkward eye contact with the cashier and break it off. But any way, that stuff that you think that women perceive you as thinking you're ugly, are your insecurities eating away at you. So if you don't think you're cute, then women aren't going to think you're cute either. If you think you're the most handsome guy in the planet, then women will think the same way as well. It's all tied to your confidence.
In Dr.Phillip Zimbardo's Shyness book, one of the exercises that he mentions is to look at yourself in the mirror completely nude, take a hard look at every part of your body, write down your best features and your worst features. He says to write down any part that you would want to change. The point is to be able to be comfortable with yourself by looking at yourself when at you're most vulnerable point which is when you're nude. If you can look yourself completely nude and not get repulsed, then a woman won't get repulsed when she sees you nude.
If a woman smiles back at you, then speak up and say something. You can say something as simple as "hi" or "how's it going?" and that's it. It's nothing harmless. But make sure you enunciate enunciate your words and speak slowly. Remember, self-fulfilling prophecies are only going to keep you down if you keep believing these thoughts. You are what you believe, so if you re-frame it in a positive way it's going to help in you in spades. For example, if I do decent on an exam, the negative thought will be "I can't believe I missed all those questions!" The positive thought will be "I studied well and gave it my best shot, so I'm happy I passed."
To finally answer you questions:
1. You can volunteer at a place. Go to nyc.gov, search for volunteer, then a link with a list of places to volunteer at will pop up. I volunteer at a non-profit theatre every now and then to develop my social skills. The site also has a link for free things to do (e.g. festivals, fairs, etc.).
There's plenty of things to do in the city: the Central Park Summer Stage free concerts, go to a local bar/restaurant to watch a live band, if you're a writer, then there's a plethora of places where you can read your stuff at e.g. at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe (every Wednesday they have an open mic), you can go to the art galleries in Chelsea (which reminds me, I haven't been down there in a year! I gotta go check out the latest stuff), The Met (just give a penny like I always do), MoMA, The Whitney, The Museum of Moving Image and all the other museums.
You can try geocaching (search for the GAF thread; there's a website for that), go to a gaming event (which I absolutely enjoy) such as a launch party, etc. You can go check out a neighborhood that you've never been to that's in another borough. There's a huge amount of things you can do without having to spend a lot of money which is great.
2. Personally, I'm only on one at the moment which is okcupid. I tried plentyoffish, but got frustrated when I wasn't getting any results, so I deleted my account. Plus you have to put more a lot more work into that website as opposed to on OKC. There's also match.com but it's a paid service as well as badoo, another site that you've probably seen ads of on the subway (which is free). OKC and POF are the most popular free online dating websites on GAF (OKC is more popular in general; it has optional premium services, but it's good enough as is). OKC also has an app that allows you to send a broadcast message to women near whatever area you're at letting them know that you're going to at a place and would like someone to join you. It's worked for a couple of Gaffers because it schedules a sudden date. I've had the app, but haven't tried it myself yet.
There are also websites that cater to specific audiences e.g. gk2gk.com which is for people that like video games, movies, etc. A note though: I wouldn't recommend it because many women on that site haven't gotten on in anywhere from 2 weeks, to over a year so be warned. Plus there's not many attractive women on that site (a couple of attractive ones that do look good).
Any way, this post is way longer than I thought, so I hope this helps.
he's the next guest on Brent's show
GAF I have a small question.
Is it a good idea to tell someone you like them eventhough they now live in a different city? The woman is a good friend of mine and has shown interest in me in the past, we are extremely similar to each other in personality and also in terms of shared interests, and it just kills me everyday knowing that she doesn't has the slightest idea about how much I like her.
I know people will say I've got nothing to lose (or gain..for that matter) but there's a very high possibility that next year I'll be moving to her city as well, it wouldn't have been this hard if she wasn't absolutely one of the most brilliant yet humble person I've ever known which is why it'll be tragic if she takes it in the wrong way and goes on to become a stranger.
Is it a good idea to tell someone you like them eventhough they now live in a different city? The woman is a good friend of mine and has shown interest in me in the past, we are extremely similar to each other in personality and also in terms of shared interests, and it just kills me everyday knowing that she doesn't has the slightest idea about how much I like her.
I know people will say I've got nothing to lose (or gain..for that matter) but there's a very high possibility that next year I'll be moving to her city as well, it wouldn't have been this hard if she wasn't absolutely one of the most brilliant yet humble person I've ever known which is why it'll be tragic if she takes it in the wrong way and goes on to become a stranger.
NihonTiger90
Member
Well technically speaking it's two different countries, I'm in England she's in France, but it only takes about an hour and half to fly to her place and it's super cheap.
How much time have you spent with her? If not much then you can't really know if you actually like her. You like the idea of her in your head. Might be a crush or sexual interest.
But the solution is to spend more time with her, get to know her, and tell her that you like her in person. That's the optimal way anyways.
Or you can just tell her you're interested in her. Just don't hurt yourself by getting up your hopes that she'll feel the same, or even if she does that you'll be able to work something out.
I've known her for a year now, she used to be my classmate that time (we only shared one module though). Anyways she was in my close friend circle as in we'd always travel/visit places together (we used to travel 2-3 times every month during term times), hang out quite frequently, even have lengthy discussions on serious topics such as politics, economics, ethics etc. I even took her to a ball once. I'll say I know her well enough.
I know it's not just a crush because the feelings I have for her developed over time through admiration rather than instantaneously. There is no burning desire in me for us to be together, I can be patient if needed here.
But it does hurt to know that she isn't aware of my feelings.
I know, that's why I searched for that video again. It's gonna be a great Sunday. What are your thoughts on him?
I don't remember who it was here that said it first, but a very cute girl I met online confirmed tonight that my current picture is a lot better than the old one with the beard (made me look older, just like gaf said). That felt very good indeed ^^
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
So all I read is how getting your hair cut short is great if its thinning and stuff, so I thought my hair was getting long, lets do it. So I've had it cut pretty short.
I look fucking terrible. I've gone from looking like a bloke in his mid 20s who can hide his thinning hair to a certain extent to some guy in his mid 30s who has no hope of hiding my huge temples. There is no way I'm taking photos of myself in this state and putting it onto a dating site, and there is no way I could meet up with someone who is under the false illusion that I look anything like my current pictures.
If you're worried about your hair, do NOT listen to the morons who say to get it cut short, biggest mistake I've made with my hair in my entire life. I can feel people's eyes on me at work, in the street, everywhere, it's so bad. What a fucking disaster. I think I'm done with dating. I know this will cue the inevitable shave it off/work out in the gym/hair doesn't matter bollocks, thanks but no thanks. By that I mean that I clearly don't have the head shape/looks to pull off a shaved head, I already work out as much as I can with the free time that I have and I don't care what anyone says, hair DOES matter to women. I have made a terrible error here. Fuck
I look fucking terrible. I've gone from looking like a bloke in his mid 20s who can hide his thinning hair to a certain extent to some guy in his mid 30s who has no hope of hiding my huge temples. There is no way I'm taking photos of myself in this state and putting it onto a dating site, and there is no way I could meet up with someone who is under the false illusion that I look anything like my current pictures.
If you're worried about your hair, do NOT listen to the morons who say to get it cut short, biggest mistake I've made with my hair in my entire life. I can feel people's eyes on me at work, in the street, everywhere, it's so bad. What a fucking disaster. I think I'm done with dating. I know this will cue the inevitable shave it off/work out in the gym/hair doesn't matter bollocks, thanks but no thanks. By that I mean that I clearly don't have the head shape/looks to pull off a shaved head, I already work out as much as I can with the free time that I have and I don't care what anyone says, hair DOES matter to women. I have made a terrible error here. Fuck
haven't bothered to research him yet
Vermillion
Banned
If you have black people hair and it's already short, go for it.
When you're old you can go bald and still look good.
When you're old you can go bald and still look good.
need pics. I suspect you might be wrong actually.
Yep, need to see.
I had long hair and had them cut to mid length last month, I thought it was terrible. I thought I was looking funny and felt like everyone was watching me while I was heading back home from the salon. A couple of days later it turns out I was wrong about it, all I needed to do was to get comfortable with it and wear that look differently. I guess its because you are not used to seeing yourself like that and this is what makes you uncomfortable.
Jo Shishido's Cheeks
Member
Off-topic but how cheap? It's my birthday in a few weeks and I was thinking of going away for a few days.....
Propecia + Nizoral shampoo. Probably your only hope.
WyndhamPrice
Member
I half expected this guy to go all T.J. Mackey in the beginning but you're right, he's pretty great. Tons of confidence, but none of the horseshit aspects of PUA (I quite enjoyed his little denunciation).
- Status