Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Depends on if I feel ripped or fat that day lol
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
What the fuck. Are we looking at the same picture. That dude is neither incredibly ugly nor
is she anywhere near hot. They both look totally fine and seem like a nice couple.
Looks are always somewhat important, to people as a whole. Tastes are subjective, some people realize it but don't care.
However saying that "looks aren't important" is close to being a liar. They're important as a whole though it might not apply to everyone.
However saying that "looks aren't important" is close to being a liar. They're important as a whole though it might not apply to everyone.
I wasn't saying they weren't a nice couple. I'm saying he has a neanderthal face.
Going to have to agree.
Devolution
Member
The irony is you seem to be more critical of his looks as a dude. Also if you have a butterface, your best bet is to get ripped. If you're a woman with a butterface, welp.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Sorry to break this to you but you need glasses or a new monitor. Or a grip on reality.
He looks fine to me. Maybe get a stylish haircut, and workout just a little bit (dude would be an absolute tank)
I don't agree. I think your initial reasoning applies to both genders Miss Devo.
I'm sorry that taste is subjective. Which was the point.
imo I think he'd look better with a beard and a differnt hairstyle.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Great smile too. That guy is the man straight up. Well maybe not, but he sure as fuck isn't worthy of being called out in this thread of all places.
Taste is fine but if in your world that's incredibly hot and ugly.. Well.. Hmm.. I got nutin.
Plus I bet he giggles like a bear.
The dude is quickly becoming a God on GAF
Devolution
Member
What reasoning? So far the dudes in here seem to be way more critical of how men look (including themselves) than anyone I've run into.
Progressing to it. Probably could have the last time we were together but time constraints just kept it at making out and groping each other.
And no I didn't have anyone else in mind for dating.
JennyTablina
Member
In the very least she is being up front about her feelings, so she respects and likes you genuinely enough, to let you know that currently she doesn't feel ready to commit to anything. Bit of a shame and a let down, but means ball should be in her court if she wants to kick things up again.
Sometimes it's the "kind" way of saying "I like you, but I don't like you in that way" too. Sucks because she should of made her mind up before then, but sometimes people just get cold feet or realize too late that it isn't what they really want.
Maybe when you see her for this "date" (I assume it's still on, but in a more platonic capacity) you can talk about it and see if it's just cold feet getting to her or genuine loss of interest/ desire to not be tied down right now.
I would say, don't take to waiting around for her to change her mind, if she sticks to her current feelings. If you are happy to be friends with her, by all means do that, but back off just a little physically and emotionally. Treat her as a friend, by all means help or support if she needs it, but not beyond what you would do for any other friend. Otherwise you may feel like a mook later, if she decides to go date other guys instead.
Not saying to not be friendly and close, but be aware of what you personally consider to be actions of "friends" and actions of "lovers" or "flirting". Some girls are quite happy to accept fairly borderline actions like hugs/cuddles/heart-to-heart talks without the relationship commitment, treating the guy like a big security blanket before discarding them for something new later. Be a good friend, but don't be the security blanket sitting around waiting for her. If she comes back to you, great, but in the meantime, find other things to do with your time and put her a little lower down the priority list for a bit.
Empowerer Blarg, you could be my twin! You're thinking about it in a positive way, that's great. Don't fret too much over it though.
Man: How was your night out? Mine was great
Apart from always sweating like a damn pig on the dance floor, I had a blast. (and no, that hasn't been a problem)
Man: How was your night out? Mine was great
Apart from always sweating like a damn pig on the dance floor, I had a blast. (and no, that hasn't been a problem)Vermillion
Banned
Truf.
And what are you planning on doing? I think I'm headed the same way, only 5 years younger and having been with a girl once (not sure if I can call her my "girlfriend", but whatever). I don't want to spend all my days playing videogames, but don't know what else to do, where to start changing. Every day I grow more and more apart from my friends, some won't even talk to me anymore, another got angry at me a couple of weeks ago and I haven't been in contact with the whole group because of that.
I know everyone here says "go out, be more social and start talking to people". I REALLY want to do that, but first I need to know HOW. Where do I go? With whom? What should I do there?
Etrian Oddity
Member
I addressed a lot of my social inadequacies by rushing a fraternity. Granted, you may not have that luxury, but finding a crew of men who are better with women and social situations than you is always the best option.
scar tissue
Banned
Disagree with the bolded part.
Social anxiety is no-one's fault, and it's pretty effective at keeping people (especially men) single. Entering a relationship is most definitely not easy with SA, even just trying to get laid is hell.
Being shy/awkward means you're staying a virgin/single for a long, long time for many SA guys.
As an example, my own history:
15 - Too shy to talk to girls, girls had no idea I even existed
17 - Confident enough to talk to girls, but still so awkward/nervous girls were turned off
19 - Not that awkward anymore, but still unable to flirt/approach girls. Girls weren't turned off but also didn't associate me with anything sexual.
21 - hit-and-miss flirting with more misses than hits, unable to initiate physical contact, girls were starting to show slight interest
23 - somewhat able to flirt, able to initiate very slight physical contact, occasionally a girl is showing obvious interest. Alas, I'm unable to really 'get physical' because, I'll be honest, I'm scared shitless of sex (and even making out, to a lesser extent), or rather the consequences if I do something wrong. My biggest fear is initiating a kiss, and then finding out I misinterpreted her signs and she didn't want it/I was really bad at it/I've misjudged the moment in any other way. I've already thrown away three pretty surefire chances at getting laid in the last year because of this. Fucking SA.
Basically, my progress is really solid, but the foundation is so shitty that it's taking years and years to get to the level of a normal 16 y/o.
/vent-age
Devolution
Member
If you have SA you have to socialize with everyone before you should even try flirting but the answer isn't to blame an entire gender. The issue still lies with you.
scar tissue
Banned
The issue may well be within you, but that doesn't mean you're "royally fucking it up".
Seriously, that's just plain insulting. People work their hardest and still can't overcome their SA.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Blaming an entire gender is wrong; but you are vastly underrating how big a factor luck is.
You could be the absolute perfect match for someone, and meet them on a bad day for them.
Luck plays a huge factor, devo.
Devolution
Member
Luck doesn't play that much of a factor unless you don't socialize enough.
Yes, I know. That's what I was asking: where do I find those guys? There aren't fraternities here in Argentina, at least not that I know of.
The last bunch of people I used to hang out with I met them on the internet, but don't visit that forum anymore. I can only hope to make some "friends" on my job, but apart from that, I can't think of a way to meet new people.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Poppycock. There are a ton of variables, and it boils down to statistics and probability. (Hence why dating is a numbers game.)
Don't get me wrong, you're very much right about the necessity of socializing. But, luck is an enormous factor. Maybe you (girl) have had a rotten day and just don't want to reciprocate any approaches; that's just bad luck on the part of the guy. Maybe every girl a guy meets who would be compatible with him is already taken, etc.
A guy can't shake his fists and blame his entire set of problems on bad luck, but it does play a very big role.
Go out to music venues, parks, etc, and plan to have fun alone. Make small talk with people who seem friendly and go from there.
Alternatively, you could look into group meetings in the vein of dating coaches or Simple Pickup. Just don't get suckered into the "bootcamps" which cost $1k to attend.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
I know KFG isn't here anymore, but everyone else, seriously, this is all wrong.
Everyone is different, but at least from what I know of most of the lady friends and their friends I've known throughout my life, wealth and celebrity aren't important. However, wealth and celebrity are results of having a passion and being really great at something. That is what I hear about and see women wanting over and over.
It's a turn-on for most ladies if you are fucking great at something and love doing it. Video games will likely not count, but maybe you're fucking great at making them (have you seen the lady GAF poster Mario is with?) or making music for them or anything. Again, everyone is different, but in general women (and men) like competence, skill, and decisiveness. Be that. Even if you never get famous or wealthy, you will likely get a lot of attention you never would have gotten otherwise.
Vermillion
Banned
People, this depends on who you know. Just because they're good with girls doesn't particularly imply good advice. Well, good for your mindset.
Good luck!
Believe me, the excuses sound familiar. Done that way too much myself.
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
Had date with girl number 10 Friday night, have had 2 texts from her since, considering we used to text like 20 times a day before that id say I'll be looking for girl number 11 soon I guess, although I'm finding it harder to go through this process of being constantly rejected.
You know, it's kind of becoming offensive, Yes my hairs starting to go to shit and in 10 years ill probably look like Mr burns. Unless I win the lottery and get a hair transplant there's not much I can do about this. It's not like I can rectify it, some guys get away with dodgy hair situations but unfortunately I'm not Jason Stathom. Do I stop texting a girl I've met up with just because she's not got a model figure or doesn't drive or something? No. Its all so superficial, i wonder if a single word I say on these dates is even listened too. Hell, 10 minutes into my last date she was on the phone to another guy (friend... ) to arrange a bike ride Saturday. After driving an hour to meet her in felt like a right tool, i guess in hindsight I should have bailed out then really but it was quite a drive to get there.. Fuck sake. This dating game is seriously no fun and a completely demoralising experience. Before all this I didn't feel great, but I was in a much better place than I am now. I feel my lack of success justified and confirmed my doubts which were only in the background of my mind previously, now they are much more amplified. I also feel the stress and upset of going through this has directly contributed to my hair thinning which is ironically lowering my chances of attracting anyone even further.
I don't know what to recommend to the guy who's 26 and just about to try getting out there and meeting girls. I hope to god you have a better experience than I have, its been one nightmare after another. Maybe in a few years I should try a again with women who are more mature, but my lack of luck and success with women throughout my 20s has left me utterly exhausted with the concept of dating to be honest.
You know, it's kind of becoming offensive, Yes my hairs starting to go to shit and in 10 years ill probably look like Mr burns. Unless I win the lottery and get a hair transplant there's not much I can do about this. It's not like I can rectify it, some guys get away with dodgy hair situations but unfortunately I'm not Jason Stathom. Do I stop texting a girl I've met up with just because she's not got a model figure or doesn't drive or something? No. Its all so superficial, i wonder if a single word I say on these dates is even listened too. Hell, 10 minutes into my last date she was on the phone to another guy (friend... ) to arrange a bike ride Saturday. After driving an hour to meet her in felt like a right tool, i guess in hindsight I should have bailed out then really but it was quite a drive to get there.. Fuck sake. This dating game is seriously no fun and a completely demoralising experience. Before all this I didn't feel great, but I was in a much better place than I am now. I feel my lack of success justified and confirmed my doubts which were only in the background of my mind previously, now they are much more amplified. I also feel the stress and upset of going through this has directly contributed to my hair thinning which is ironically lowering my chances of attracting anyone even further.
I don't know what to recommend to the guy who's 26 and just about to try getting out there and meeting girls. I hope to god you have a better experience than I have, its been one nightmare after another. Maybe in a few years I should try a again with women who are more mature, but my lack of luck and success with women throughout my 20s has left me utterly exhausted with the concept of dating to be honest.
That sounds great
What happened when you were with the lesbian? I had my magical red jeans and a six year old Maiden shirt last night. One drunk guy noticed it and yelled out the name and gave me a half empty glass of white wine xD He also asked for my Metallica opinion.And here's a short story for you who don't like texting. I was dancing with some friends when a cute brunette saw me. After some dancing with her and her two friends, they disappear to a table for some drinks with a guy so I figure that was it. But I get some eye contact with her and wave to her to join me but she doesn't come. A few minutes later though, she comes up and drags me off the dance floor to join her on the couch where she almost immediately asks if she can add me on facebook, which she does. We play around all night but I lose her by the end (planned after party obviously not going to happen). But when I'm in the Burger King line, I get a fb message from her asking for my number, she texts me and I call her up. We're probably gonna meet up now again because of a fb add and some text chatting.
Edit: And if she hadn't asked she would never see me again as I'm only in town for another week, which I told her, so she better move fast xD
The guy is smiling, looks like a fun+friendly guy, and dresses decent(ish). I see nothing wrong with the man.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Goes to show that the concept of "leagues" is ridiculous.
Can't believe I'm getting defensive about this because I really don't want to anger people here and make them say the same shit they've been saying for hundreds of pages now but that picture is fine anecdotal evidence of a situation in which the girl might outclass the dude in the looks department but she has no problem being together. I however, don't see how this one example drives the point home that looks barely or don't play a role at all like some of you seem to be suggesting.
Confidence and humor are absolutely vital to a relationship but I feel like physical attraction is just a little underestimated in this thread when it seems like it's a vital part of a relationship (it tends to make sex a ton hotter and more satisfying for one). Nearly all girls seem to value the same qualities but they differ in importance to them personally and while girls like the one in the picture and probably many more who don't value looks as much exist I still have a hard time discounting physical appearance.
Confidence and humor are absolutely vital to a relationship but I feel like physical attraction is just a little underestimated in this thread when it seems like it's a vital part of a relationship (it tends to make sex a ton hotter and more satisfying for one). Nearly all girls seem to value the same qualities but they differ in importance to them personally and while girls like the one in the picture and probably many more who don't value looks as much exist I still have a hard time discounting physical appearance.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
The problem is that you can't objectively rank physical attraction.
It is a personal thing in the end, sometimes something you share with others, sometimes something you don't.
It's the whole "A 5-person can't get it together with a 10-person" everyone is ridiculing.
What I mean they go to great lengths to avoid you when seeing someone else or hesitate when talking about their dates.
I never got that if you already turn me down then I really don't who you date. For some reason I've had women even after turning me down be nice to me only to go cold once they are seeing someone or try to avoid me or get scared if I find out they are dating someone. Honestly why Do I care who you date?
It's what I was talking about before. There are some women who have respect for their partners, and they don't need to talk to you under false pretenses and give you false hope just to get a cheap thrill or get some attention. They also don't need any more friends. They turned you down, what do they still need to talk to you for? They don't want to date you but they still have to be your friend? No, they met someone, they are happy, let them be happy with their new partner.
Your post is probably the same thought all the male friends my girlfriends have think. Why is she turning cold? How come she doesn't string me along anymore? Because she met me that's why. You're not worth her risking the new thing she has.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
I think the whole "boyfriend might get jelous/not like it that I talk with this guy" plays into it.
You are pretty bad friend-material as you've already expressed an interest in becoming something more than friends, so you will never get treated as a friend but rather as a potential partner material - so when she does end up with a partner, it'd make sense for her to give you the cold shoulder because of the aforementioned reason.
You are pretty bad friend-material as you've already expressed an interest in becoming something more than friends, so you will never get treated as a friend but rather as a potential partner material - so when she does end up with a partner, it'd make sense for her to give you the cold shoulder because of the aforementioned reason.
Pretty much.
and the final update to that story
The good thing about this second date was that it highlighted some issues I had in the past. Issues I chose to overlook. At first I didn't even pay attention but more I was thinkin about why I acted like I did the stranger it seemed. Finally I understood the real reason. I won't post it here because it's quite personal but it's a huge relief. It was a very heavy thing that I got off my chest and I haven't felt that good in quite some time.
As for this girl I talked to her again. But it seems that she has lost interest. It's not like she refuses to talk with me but I she is not that glad to hear me. I don't think that I should persist. I know that if we meet I'll be on top of my game again. We even talked on the phone and I certainly felt as relaxed as I was on our first date. But something is missing.
I still not sure if it's a lack of interest or she was just tired.
Should I persist? Girl-Gaf, any advice?
Anyway the only thing I regret about now is that I always ran away from serious, long lasting relationships. It was because of my insecurites but I should have stomped on them and just be happy. Now I know about them and I dealth with them. But well, it sucks a bit to realize that I shouldn't have worried about this shit anyway. If I had some 4-5 year relationship under my belt I would fill more fullfilled. Suddenly I realized that I miss that kind of thing.
The problem is that I also know that these kind of relationships last because people follow some rules. And one of these rules is to never tell EVERYTHING about yourself to your partner. Or he/she may leave no matter how long you have been together. I think no love is unconditional unless it's mother's love. That is kind of sad realization. I still hope that I'm wrong about that.
The good thing about this second date was that it highlighted some issues I had in the past. Issues I chose to overlook. At first I didn't even pay attention but more I was thinkin about why I acted like I did the stranger it seemed. Finally I understood the real reason. I won't post it here because it's quite personal but it's a huge relief. It was a very heavy thing that I got off my chest and I haven't felt that good in quite some time.
As for this girl I talked to her again. But it seems that she has lost interest. It's not like she refuses to talk with me but I she is not that glad to hear me. I don't think that I should persist. I know that if we meet I'll be on top of my game again. We even talked on the phone and I certainly felt as relaxed as I was on our first date. But something is missing.
I still not sure if it's a lack of interest or she was just tired.
Should I persist? Girl-Gaf, any advice?
Anyway the only thing I regret about now is that I always ran away from serious, long lasting relationships. It was because of my insecurites but I should have stomped on them and just be happy. Now I know about them and I dealth with them. But well, it sucks a bit to realize that I shouldn't have worried about this shit anyway. If I had some 4-5 year relationship under my belt I would fill more fullfilled. Suddenly I realized that I miss that kind of thing.
The problem is that I also know that these kind of relationships last because people follow some rules. And one of these rules is to never tell EVERYTHING about yourself to your partner. Or he/she may leave no matter how long you have been together. I think no love is unconditional unless it's mother's love. That is kind of sad realization. I still hope that I'm wrong about that.
Your point would be valid if these women string me along. None of the women I mention strung me along.
1. One woman I never talked to but she was hesitant to mention in class that she was getting married years after I asked her out.
2. Another turned me down so I remained friendly whenever I saw her(which wasn't much) and a year later she'd get upset when I happen to walk by and literally walk away when I'm near. (It's a small school so running into people is common). I made a point of ignoring her because I couldn't stand her attitude. She turned friendly all of the sudden the next time she saw me.
3. The latest one is a co-worker and she might the closest to stringing me along. But guess I realized that and went after the other woman I was also interested in. She overheard me talk to a co-worker about that woman so she is fully aware I was going after someone else. Now she went out of her way not to mention she had a date.
I think your stringing along point is valid if I actually kept going after these women but I moved on in each of them.
However, I think the opposite is true. I think women at times want to continue to string men along or try to not to make them upset. I think women tend to think that men hold onto things like they do. Even on the radio, one guy mentioned that an ex saw him with his wife and just glared at him and they broke up 5 years ago.
Another theory of mine is that some women don't want to ever truly close the window of opportunity so that a guy they turn down comes along and they don't want to reminded of what could have been.
Men are different. I think we know how to pick up and move on. Women I believe think men continue being interested in a woman longer than we really care. Frankly we may become infatuated with a woman and think will never find another like her and a day later were hitting on another.
Small update. Nobody ever calls me but today I had three missed calls from a hidden number so I texted the girl asking if it was her, but it wasn't. I asked her if she wanted to meet up (in general) but she couldn't tonight (neither can I, Brent Smith live in less than two hours, priorities!) and school is starting this week so there might not be any time but there's always the weekend, she said. I suggested she invite me to dinner at her place during the week and we'll make it together and she responds with "You'd like that very much, wouldn't you?
". It's up to her now.-ImaginaryInsider
Member
You still seem to be inferring male attraction standards on to what women perceive as attractive. They do count, but for far less, personality and confidence tend to win out in the end, especially if you choose the right girl.
If anyone is interested in seeing David Wygant live and ask questions, Brent's stream is now active (David has not shown up yet): http://www.vokle.com/events/71967-brent-smith-live
lol, I meant "persist", not "perceive". Too sleepy.
- Status