No, she's not the last woman on earth, man. You're obviously doing progress on yourself, that's all that matters. If she's interested, she'll come to you. But since you've been chasing her from the start, she probably expects you to continue, so she won't. But you gotta be okay with that too.
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
Well she blew me off on the date for today so I think I'm done with her. I'll give her the chance to call me and explain what happened between us/why she was scared off, and unless she gives me a good, genuine answer I'm fine with not seeing her.
In the meantime I've re-activated my OKC account and already have a conversation going with 2 people. I think I won't make the mistake this time and date one person exclusively.
Yeah I think more people need to realize this. Until you can say for SURE you're in a relationship, don't shut the door to other opportunities so soon. If you're just in the "going on dates" stage, you aren't committed yet.
You dated a girl for 3 weeks and already deactivated your OKC account. 3 weeks is not exactly out of the dating stage. Although I can't speak for your situation since I don't know what you did with her on an intimate level. But when I was on OKC, my last time I went on 3 dates with a girl and it took about 3 weeks to get those dates in, just due to our schedules. I never deactivated my account at that time since we were still in the 'testing the waters' phase at that point. We kissed and stuff, but not much else. I certainly didn't consider us in a relationship, and so I kept the door open for other options.
It wasn't until my current girlfriend of 2.5 months now that I've obviously deactivated my OKC account and never looked back.
She is definitely not the last woman on earth, but dropping people is getting old. I have been doing this all my life.
Oh well, some things never change, I guess. Anyway I think I'll start looking for people I just like being with first and foremost.
Well... I'm officially single. My girlfriend of almost four years broke up with me this weekend and I'm trying to figure out what to do. I'll be moving back to my hometown and living with my brother. I'm lucky that I still have some college friends living there and my little sister is a senior at my old college so she has lots of cute friends. I'm clueless though. I forgot how to flirt, pick up girls, etc. it all seems so hard again. It was super easy to meet girls in college but now as a single 24 year old I dunno what to do.
Did she tell you why?
ThisWreckage
Banned
Eh, there are too many variables to whittle dating down to a science. I'm a good looking guy, but I live in a hellhole devoid of any culture or youth. As a result, I really don't date. I don't bother. There is no scraping the bottom of the barrel when there is no barrel.
She said that it just wasn't working for her and she needed time to be herself, that it had nothing to do with me. I was friendly despite everything. I'll be getting wasted with family and friends for the next week and rekindling some friendships. I know I'll be fine and I would like to move on. I have never had that big of a problem finding girls but the thought of wading back into the single scene is pretty dreadful because I feel like I forgot a lot.
@ThisWreckage Luckily I'm moving back to my hometown, a big city with plenty going on. If I stayed where I am right now I'd be out of luck.
cornontheCoD
Neo Member
Sorry, but for some people, this advice is just horrible. "Let it come naturally" is akin to saying "you don't need to try". For some people, yeah, they can work on themselves for awhile and find a girl naturally. But some of us aren't around very many women (even if we do have a large social circle), meaning that it won't happen unless you put a ton of effort into it. For the first 21 years of my life, I thought I wanted to be single for the rest of my life, so I was definitely not trying to force any dating. But I never came across any opportunities, either. So how do you explain that? What if you give someone this advice, they work on themselves for a while, and they still haven't met a girl 10 years down the road?
Seriously, this line of thinking is so old. Put yourself in the shoes of someone who isn't naturally around women in their day-to-day life, be it in work or school.
MadraptorMan
Member
Had my first informal English lesson with the girl I'm interested in, along with two of my close friends. I think it went really well, I didn't try to push anything and focused on actually being helpful to everyone. We ended up all spending about 5 hours together, sometimes with me teaching stuff and other times just free talk or getting coffee and such. And the next meeting is Sunday evening. My two friends were good wing men too, giving me time alone with her every once in a while to take a smoke break.
It's far from a slam dunk at this point, but I think she is a sweet girl and hopefully next time I will find a good opportunity to ask her to a one-on-one outing.
It's far from a slam dunk at this point, but I think she is a sweet girl and hopefully next time I will find a good opportunity to ask her to a one-on-one outing.
you have to seriously not give a shit if you did go 10 years without dating or whatever. This is why it's so important to like yourself, and get your all internal issues handled.
Castor Krieg
Banned
Ummmmm, not really. He can drop like 10-20kg and have the face and body of a sports guy. Potential right there.
That is terrible advice right there, as somebody else already mentioned. You want to be "friendzoned" forever, go ahead, take your time, play the sensitive, understanding guy type. The girl will think you don't know what you want.
You want to get a girl? Show damn initiative. Ask her out, make sure it is a date. She sees potential - she will agree. She doesn't think it will work out - she will decline, and you know you should try with another girl.
Actually wait, that was second-worst dating advice, the worse ones is also by you, a slight variation:
In other words - want to get together with someone? Try everything to avoid doing that!
Actually, I think he's right. Treating every woman as a potential partner isn't what you should do. Instead just be sociable, talk with men and women and if you actually hit it off well with a girl ask her out (and obviously don't wait for too long). Makes approaching women far easier as you won't expect anything out of it.
It's also stupid to say that clubs and dating sites are the only real ways to meet women. If you get anything near a healthy social life you probably run into quite a few women. For me a dating site or clubbing doesn't really work for meeting girls. Everything becomes way too forced.
That's not what he said at all. He said to be honest with yourself and them. Which includes being honest with your sexuality and not hiding it behind excessive sensitivity.
Damn man. Sorry to hear that.
4 years is along time. As for my advice, spend the next week hitting the sauce with friends. Don't talk too much about the break up with the majority of your friends, but do talk to your best friends about it. Hell, hit up the sauce for two weeks. After the drinking phase, dust yourself off, and start putting yourself back together.
And starting today...GO NO CONTACT. You need some time to heal. Don't contact her in anyway for at least a month and really longer if you can. This really is important.
TimeEffect
Member
Big girl wants me so bad,
Go get some big girl lovin'
Omegasquash
Member
Text is right, here. Obligatory safety message about getting hammered here, but take care of yourself first, and don't talk to her.
You'll heal up and be back out there having fun and being happy. 'Til then, good luck dude.
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
Ok lets do this GAF! First time poster, third time lurker!
I'm about to go on a blind date this weekend and I am pretty nervous actually...need a little morale boost!
I had the same GF for over 2.5 years, we broke up about 4 months ago, it wasn't bad or dramatic, we just gradually grew apart, it was just not going to happen for the long haul, (still somewhat friends with her) Anyway when it comes to impressing women, dating etc. I've been quite out of touch and out of the game. (it's been almost three years now) This is my first date since I broke up, unlike me throwing the term "rebound" around so casually in my previous posts, I'm quite confident I'm over that faze.
I'm just damn nervous, I am not the most handsome and confident dude, especially at this stage in my life, I am working a lot this summer (in front of the computer) I should be thankful I have a job and don't take it for granted, but the reality is my work can be very stressful, weekly deadlines, I am constantly fighting to meet deadlines, and on top of that I work alone from my home studio, and I work crazy hours, sometimes very late. I live and work alone basically.
Needless to say my Spring and Summer haven't been that exciting: Wake up at a random hour between 8am -11:30am , drive to coffee shop, come back home, sit down, browse GAF, facebook, other bullshit on the internet and then start work in early afternoon if I am lucky...go to bed extra late, putting in the required daily hours to my work rinse and repeat daily I used to jog every day, now I am lucky if I run 1.5 miles a week.
Only exciting thing was an Los Angeles trip recently , which was a nice week off and lot of fun, I literally havent done much with myself in the past 4-5 months, I really became a recluse to the eyes of my close friends, who understand me, yet still are pissed I've been a no show to most summer social Barbeques/events etc.
Anyway now that you all caught up with me, I am just nervous to go on this date, I've known to be a pretty well rounded and a social dude in the past among Gf's and friends, I can shoot the shit about politics, music, movies, world news, I like to think I am pretty open minded, but I have this fear that I don't have that anymore, I dont have the energy nor the care to engage in long conversations with people anymore, my brain just drifts away
The LA trip was a little wake up call for me in this regard, met cousins and friends I haven't seen in ages, but I didnt feel like I was at my "A" game at getting caught up and socializing etc. Anyway before you get all .."WTF dude just chill and go on this stupid date !"
Please fire some useful tips my way please, and remember this date is pretty much a blind date, I hardly know anything about this woman, so dont ask me "what does she like? into etc.."
I'm about to go on a blind date this weekend and I am pretty nervous actually...need a little morale boost!
I had the same GF for over 2.5 years, we broke up about 4 months ago, it wasn't bad or dramatic, we just gradually grew apart, it was just not going to happen for the long haul, (still somewhat friends with her) Anyway when it comes to impressing women, dating etc. I've been quite out of touch and out of the game. (it's been almost three years now) This is my first date since I broke up, unlike me throwing the term "rebound" around so casually in my previous posts, I'm quite confident I'm over that faze.
I'm just damn nervous, I am not the most handsome and confident dude, especially at this stage in my life, I am working a lot this summer (in front of the computer) I should be thankful I have a job and don't take it for granted, but the reality is my work can be very stressful, weekly deadlines, I am constantly fighting to meet deadlines, and on top of that I work alone from my home studio, and I work crazy hours, sometimes very late. I live and work alone basically.
Needless to say my Spring and Summer haven't been that exciting: Wake up at a random hour between 8am -11:30am , drive to coffee shop, come back home, sit down, browse GAF, facebook, other bullshit on the internet and then start work in early afternoon if I am lucky...go to bed extra late, putting in the required daily hours to my work rinse and repeat daily I used to jog every day, now I am lucky if I run 1.5 miles a week.
Only exciting thing was an Los Angeles trip recently , which was a nice week off and lot of fun, I literally havent done much with myself in the past 4-5 months, I really became a recluse to the eyes of my close friends, who understand me, yet still are pissed I've been a no show to most summer social Barbeques/events etc.
Anyway now that you all caught up with me, I am just nervous to go on this date, I've known to be a pretty well rounded and a social dude in the past among Gf's and friends, I can shoot the shit about politics, music, movies, world news, I like to think I am pretty open minded, but I have this fear that I don't have that anymore, I dont have the energy nor the care to engage in long conversations with people anymore, my brain just drifts away
The LA trip was a little wake up call for me in this regard, met cousins and friends I haven't seen in ages, but I didnt feel like I was at my "A" game at getting caught up and socializing etc. Anyway before you get all .."WTF dude just chill and go on this stupid date !"
Please fire some useful tips my way please, and remember this date is pretty much a blind date, I hardly know anything about this woman, so dont ask me "what does she like? into etc.."
Wear your shades Johnny.
TimeEffect
Member
No thanks. I prefer friendship, andI like the benefit of having access to her girlfriends..
Omegasquash
Member
You've got this, man! It's a blind date...she's probably just as interested in finding out more about you as you are finding out about her, and that's what it is: finding out if you're a fit. Nothing more.
Remember, it's not about the ex, so don't focus on how long it's been. That time in the past is associated with the ex, so just keep the eye on the prize, which is a happy, healthy, confident you.
That first part about you not being handsome? That's in your head. The second part about your confidence? Why? You had a relationship for a few years, and then chilled for a bit, sank into work, and continue to do just that. It's normal. As long as you brush your teeth, wipe your ass and know how to pay attention and have fun, you'll come off as a good lookin' dude.
Yeah, it's not lost, it's just like riding a bike. Just because you didn't do it doesn't mean you can't do, or that you won't do it. In actuality, chances are that you WILL be able to speak knowledgeably about things. If you want an easy thing to do, ask questions. People love to talk about themselves, and you can even use that to find out if you like this date.
Go in there, be confident, remember that you're datable, fun, hard working and easy going. Also, enter with no expectations. You'll have a clearer understanding of the outcome and how you feel about it. Don't be afraid to look her in the eye, and above all else smile and have fun. If you have fun, it's almost a guarantee that she will to.
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
Some good stuff here, thanks, I'll keep you updated.
Alright, I need some help. Going through a bit of a confusing time here and I don't really know what to do. Background... I've known this girl from college for nearly a year now. She's 2 years younger than me. I originally tried to hit on this girl but decided not to as I was dating another one. When I broke up that relationship I tried to date this girl. We went out quite a few times and it all went well, usually they are just hang out dates to catch a beer or to the movies, sometimes with our friends or alone, though something concrete never happened. I asked her what was up and well.... she just wanted to stay as friends. I said it was ok, but since she was a cool girl just to hang out I decided to keep the friendship. Since then we've gone out countless time, we've talked about dates we've had, we have fooled around a bit but nothing far from second base, and I was fine with it. I mean, I've been going out with other girls, met new ones, etc. Still, as we went out, spent time... people looked as us as if we were a couple. I asked her once more some weeks ago, if she wanted to be something more... she said no. Once more, I was cool with it.
Then it kinda hit me. This is the mythical friendzone that I truly believed didn't exist. One of my weaknesses is I am prideful and that I show whatsoever no hurt/sad emotions to the outside; I may have them inside but I just can't channel them outside. Hell, my longest meaningful relationship lasted a year. So, what I proceeded to do was just shut her off. I just stopped responding her calls, texts, IMs, hell I even missed her birthday. The thing is... I feel like shit. Its not that my life these past two weeks (since I shut her off) has been bad or anything, on the contrary... I've been enjoying the same as always, meeting new people, doing random shit, working well, etc. Today she messaged me once more, asking me if I planned to ignore her for life. Now, I feel bad about this. I mean she's a good girl, that definitely sends mixed signals... when we are together we basically look like a couple, but on the inside everything is confusing as shit. What should I do? How should I proceed?
Geesh sorry for the big rant, but I feel kinda bummed up right now and I express myself through words than speaking
.
Then it kinda hit me. This is the mythical friendzone that I truly believed didn't exist. One of my weaknesses is I am prideful and that I show whatsoever no hurt/sad emotions to the outside; I may have them inside but I just can't channel them outside. Hell, my longest meaningful relationship lasted a year. So, what I proceeded to do was just shut her off. I just stopped responding her calls, texts, IMs, hell I even missed her birthday. The thing is... I feel like shit. Its not that my life these past two weeks (since I shut her off) has been bad or anything, on the contrary... I've been enjoying the same as always, meeting new people, doing random shit, working well, etc. Today she messaged me once more, asking me if I planned to ignore her for life. Now, I feel bad about this. I mean she's a good girl, that definitely sends mixed signals... when we are together we basically look like a couple, but on the inside everything is confusing as shit. What should I do? How should I proceed?
Geesh sorry for the big rant, but I feel kinda bummed up right now and I express myself through words than speaking
.Alright, I need some help. Going through a bit of a confusing time here and I don't really know what to do. Background... I've known this girl from college for nearly a year now. She's 2 years younger than me. I originally tried to hit on this girl but decided not to as I was dating another one. When I broke up that relationship I tried to date this girl. We went out quite a few times and it all went well, usually they are just hang out dates to catch a beer or to the movies, sometimes with our friends or alone, though something concrete never happened. I asked her what was up and well.... she just wanted to stay as friends. I said it was ok, but since she was a cool girl just to hang out I decided to keep the friendship. Since then we've gone out countless time, we've talked about dates we've had, we have fooled around a bit but nothing far from second base, and I was fine with it. I mean, I've been going out with other girls, met new ones, etc. Still, as we went out, spent time... people looked as us as if we were a couple. I asked her once more some weeks ago, if she wanted to be something more... she said no. Once more, I was cool with it.
Then it kinda hit me. This is the mythical friendzone that I truly believed didn't exist. One of my weaknesses is I am prideful and that I show whatsoever no hurt/sad emotions to the outside; I may have them inside but I just can't channel them outside. Hell, my longest meaningful relationship lasted a year. So, what I proceeded to do was just shut her off. I just stopped responding her calls, texts, IMs, hell I even missed her birthday. The thing is... I feel like shit. Its not that my life these past two weeks (since I shut her off) has been bad or anything, on the contrary... I've been enjoying the same as always, meeting new people, doing random shit, working well, etc. Today she messaged me once more, asking me if I planned to ignore her for life. Now, I feel bad about this. I mean she's a good girl, that definitely sends mixed signals... when we are together we basically look like a couple, but on the inside everything is confusing as shit. What should I do? How should I proceed?
Geesh sorry for the big rant, but I feel kinda bummed up right now and I express myself through words than speaking
First tell her "Yes, for life...but what are you doing tomorrow night?". Dude, just deal with having a pretty friend you can play with from time to time...its a beautiful thing.
Yes, but she also gets a bit clingy, can be a cockblocker, and gets jealous of other girls; and yes I've talked to her about this but she doesn't seem to care or get it. Agh.
FallingEdge
Member
Alright, I need some help. Going through a bit of a confusing time here and I don't really know what to do. Background... I've known this girl from college for nearly a year now. She's 2 years younger than me. I originally tried to hit on this girl but decided not to as I was dating another one. When I broke up that relationship I tried to date this girl. We went out quite a few times and it all went well, usually they are just hang out dates to catch a beer or to the movies, sometimes with our friends or alone, though something concrete never happened. I asked her what was up and well.... she just wanted to stay as friends. I said it was ok, but since she was a cool girl just to hang out I decided to keep the friendship. Since then we've gone out countless time, we've talked about dates we've had, we have fooled around a bit but nothing far from second base, and I was fine with it. I mean, I've been going out with other girls, met new ones, etc. Still, as we went out, spent time... people looked as us as if we were a couple. I asked her once more some weeks ago, if she wanted to be something more... she said no. Once more, I was cool with it.
Then it kinda hit me. This is the mythical friendzone that I truly believed didn't exist. One of my weaknesses is I am prideful and that I show whatsoever no hurt/sad emotions to the outside; I may have them inside but I just can't channel them outside. Hell, my longest meaningful relationship lasted a year. So, what I proceeded to do was just shut her off. I just stopped responding her calls, texts, IMs, hell I even missed her birthday. The thing is... I feel like shit. Its not that my life these past two weeks (since I shut her off) has been bad or anything, on the contrary... I've been enjoying the same as always, meeting new people, doing random shit, working well, etc. Today she messaged me once more, asking me if I planned to ignore her for life. Now, I feel bad about this. I mean she's a good girl, that definitely sends mixed signals... when we are together we basically look like a couple, but on the inside everything is confusing as shit. What should I do? How should I proceed?
Geesh sorry for the big rant, but I feel kinda bummed up right now and I express myself through words than speaking
There is nothing wrong with being friends with her if you can handle that. It really is hard to get a hold of what you are feeling though. If you can control your emotions and enjoy her company, then stay friends.
Well don't let her be around you when you're out on the prowl.
I would play it off as being busy and just treat her as an acquaintance. If she doesn't want to be in a relationship, then there's nothing you can do about that. All the same, spending a ton of time with her isn't a great idea, because when that guy comes along she does get into a relationship with, you'll be hurt or bored or both, because someone else will be occupying her time.Geesh sorry for the big rant, but I feel kinda bummed up right now and I express myself through words than speaking
Completely ignoring her is on the immature side, though. If there is even a remote chance of her wanting to be with you at any point, ignoring her would kill that.
RedNalgene
Member
Alright, I need some help. Going through a bit of a confusing time here and I don't really know what to do. Background... I've known this girl from college for nearly a year now. She's 2 years younger than me. I originally tried to hit on this girl but decided not to as I was dating another one. When I broke up that relationship I tried to date this girl. We went out quite a few times and it all went well, usually they are just hang out dates to catch a beer or to the movies, sometimes with our friends or alone, though something concrete never happened. I asked her what was up and well.... she just wanted to stay as friends. I said it was ok, but since she was a cool girl just to hang out I decided to keep the friendship. Since then we've gone out countless time, we've talked about dates we've had, we have fooled around a bit but nothing far from second base, and I was fine with it. I mean, I've been going out with other girls, met new ones, etc. Still, as we went out, spent time... people looked as us as if we were a couple. I asked her once more some weeks ago, if she wanted to be something more... she said no. Once more, I was cool with it.
Then it kinda hit me. This is the mythical friendzone that I truly believed didn't exist. One of my weaknesses is I am prideful and that I show whatsoever no hurt/sad emotions to the outside; I may have them inside but I just can't channel them outside. Hell, my longest meaningful relationship lasted a year. So, what I proceeded to do was just shut her off. I just stopped responding her calls, texts, IMs, hell I even missed her birthday. The thing is... I feel like shit. Its not that my life these past two weeks (since I shut her off) has been bad or anything, on the contrary... I've been enjoying the same as always, meeting new people, doing random shit, working well, etc. Today she messaged me once more, asking me if I planned to ignore her for life. Now, I feel bad about this. I mean she's a good girl, that definitely sends mixed signals... when we are together we basically look like a couple, but on the inside everything is confusing as shit. What should I do? How should I proceed?
Geesh sorry for the big rant, but I feel kinda bummed up right now and I express myself through words than speaking
It sounds like one of the reasons why you feel so bad is that you don't have any closure. You just cut her off out of the blue, without any explanation? That's sorta cold. I understand you were confused about your position with her, but you never expressed that to her as far as I can tell. Sounds like you feel like bad because you made her feel bad. Clear the air with her and it will make you feel better - sounds like she's a close enough friend that she deserves an explanation.
Yes I did. We talked a bunch of times about this but it always ended up in 'being friends', and as I said I was ok with it. Your point still stands though!
Yeah I know its immature. Absolutely. It was... maybe.. an Emotional Defense System? Or a... Become an Asshole System? Heh.
I think it's what a lot of guys want to do when rejected, effectively rejecting them back. Not as effective as we'd like to think, heh.
RedNalgene
Member
Ahh OK, that changes things! If that's the case then maybe you simply can't be friends with her in the capacity she wants. She's comfortable with the arrangement but you aren't - unfortunately it sounds like that will break the friendship. It sucks, but it happens often.
Jackben
bitch I'm taking calls.
I agree that it's best if you get some distance from her in order to not use her as a social crutch so that you can meet new people and find someone who might want to be with you romantically. But I don't think you should have cut her off entirely either. You should just be upfront and say that you feel like people see you two as a couple and you feel held back from meeting someone who actually wants to get to know you in a romantic way. Just my 2 cents, don't beat yourself up too much, it's a rough situation.
- - -
I actually am in need of some advice again.
I need some good ideas for doing something nice but not overboard for my 6 month anniversary with my girlfriend. I know this is kind of a different question than Dating Age usually deals with but I figure I would ask anyway to see if anyone might be able to chime in. We actually met on OkCupid but most of the chemistry came from when we actually met online. We didn't exchange too many messages before we met up.
As far as special occasions go, I've always been kind of casual in terms of events besides the obvious 1 year anniversary, Valentines, birthday and Christmas. But I can see that 6 months is a significant milestone and I know she really wants to do something special so I want to meet those expectations and do something nice with her. I'm not sure if I should go for a dinner at a really nice and expensive restaurant or not because she knows I've gone there in a previous relationship.
All I'm sure of is that I want to get her a promise ring because I plan on being in a long-term relationship with her for the foreseeable future. I don't know about kids or marriage or anything like that but we really love each other and want to be together.
Just a bit stuck in terms of whether I should try something different or go forward with the fancy dinner. Anniversary is this Sunday the 19th.
Just to keep the same idea going.
It really is imparative that you don't talk to her for awhile. You must re-establish you on your own.
This is what the drinking with your buddies is all about. You must re-adjust to being on your own and filling your social calander with stuff to do that isn't her.
You may not want to go out, but really, force yourself to do this. (Don't have to drink if you don't want to), but get the rest of your life moving as quickly as possible.
Seriously, No Contact....at least for a month. If she texts you (and she probably will), keep it short and civil.
You will be having a grand ol time in no time.
Yeah the whole no contact thing is proving a little difficult, we have texted a little today. I'm actually excited about getting back home and getting out with my friends. Hopefully they have met some cute friends while I was gone.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Couple of things NeoGAF.
Back story: The girl I posted about here I haven't broken up with yet.
I'm feel like I'm in such a weird situation. I like her personality and we get along but there's huge chemistry, but I enjoy how physical she likes to be and lets me be with her. And I'm not super attracted to her but I'm not repulsed by her by any means, but small things about her get to me (for example: smokes [but is trying to quit which I commend her for], lots of tattoos which I don't mind but she wants lots more and bigger ones)
I just get this nagging part in my head that says it not gonna work out and that my closer schoolmate friends aren't gonna like her and that lots of things, but when she comes over or we hang out, I just can't stop myself from a kiss, which then I can't stop myself from getting more physical with the making out.
So, yeah, I didn't follow GAF's advice and I'm still in the basically same situation, only with more time onto it all. Also, I've never had to be the one to break a relationship up (though this is still more or less "unofficial") and I know she enjoys me but I just don't know GAF. Again, I don't want to really hurt her and I have no idea how I could ever bring up ending it.
Back story: The girl I posted about here I haven't broken up with yet.
I'm feel like I'm in such a weird situation. I like her personality and we get along but there's huge chemistry, but I enjoy how physical she likes to be and lets me be with her. And I'm not super attracted to her but I'm not repulsed by her by any means, but small things about her get to me (for example: smokes [but is trying to quit which I commend her for], lots of tattoos which I don't mind but she wants lots more and bigger ones)
I just get this nagging part in my head that says it not gonna work out and that my closer schoolmate friends aren't gonna like her and that lots of things, but when she comes over or we hang out, I just can't stop myself from a kiss, which then I can't stop myself from getting more physical with the making out.
So, yeah, I didn't follow GAF's advice and I'm still in the basically same situation, only with more time onto it all. Also, I've never had to be the one to break a relationship up (though this is still more or less "unofficial") and I know she enjoys me but I just don't know GAF. Again, I don't want to really hurt her and I have no idea how I could ever bring up ending it.
Where's the problem? Just keep dating her and enjoying the perks until someone better comes along, the way women do all the time and the way this same girl would probably do to you. Yeah I said it.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Relix, sounds like she's using you. She wants you all to herself but without the commitment of a relationship. If you enjoy her company and don't want anything more then stay friends, but don't hang out with her that often.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
Sorry, I like treating other human beings with the same respect and dignity that I would expect and assuming good faith when I have no evidence to suspect the contrary.
I understand you, yeah. I guess I just have conflicting emotions with her. Also, I don't get the sense from her that she's using me, mainly because I don't voice my "iffy" feeling about the relationship with her, but I could me mistaking what you mean.
Funny thing is I overheard the third women tell a co-worker what kind of sex she had with her date. She didn't want to talk to me all day even though she knows full well that I stop caring about her and is actually trying to woo another person. Women don't understand that men but their passion lasts as long as the next D cup that comes along.
For me and people on this board it may seem different but that's not true at all. I can only speak for myself, but I only stick to woman longer than I should because of the underlying issues of not being more social and having bad woman skills. In other words the woman is just physical object in which I exert all my drama.
I think with law school out of the way, I fix those underlying issues that will help me develop the self esteem that is needed for a successful life. I don't need a woman right now or ever for that matter. What I need is to stop being insecure and learn to love myself. I think will succeed in that respect.
Using a woman for sex or physical affection when you're not that attracted to them is not "respect and dignity" and "good faith". No need to do the whole "holier than thou" thing. You're not that attracted to the chick, but you like fucking or the physical attention she gives you. That is, in essence, all you said in your post.
Once you accept that and stop pretending you're just a good guy troubled by mixed feelings or emotions or blah blah blah, then my advice will make more sense.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Both are correct.
Let's face it, I doubt that the majority of relationships start up in the club or as a result of internet dating sites.
So what explanation could there be for my ex to delete my facebook comments (no mushy stuff, like a hi or happy birthday) from months before our breakup, and then days later deactivate me as a friend? We are currently not talking at all so we can move on and I did accidentally poke her on fb, but still its bugging me that she deleted my comments and such.
The reason it's bothering me is that she was always very private about us because she didnt want her ex to know. Her ex who she cheated on with me. I know, not very healthy relationship and I shouldn't have pursued it etc etc. But yea, I know she talks to him and to delete my comments this much later and unfriend me randomly is pissing me off. I know it shouldnt, but u know, cant help it.
The reason it's bothering me is that she was always very private about us because she didnt want her ex to know. Her ex who she cheated on with me. I know, not very healthy relationship and I shouldn't have pursued it etc etc. But yea, I know she talks to him and to delete my comments this much later and unfriend me randomly is pissing me off. I know it shouldnt, but u know, cant help it.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Same story in reverse with new dick.
That girl sucks. You're better off without her dumb games.
Actually this is what I don't like about myself. I move on too easily. It might seem like a useful perk but it also means that I'm not able to work on a relationship.
What I really hate about long lasting relationships and this might be one of the reasons I bail out too soon is that girls start having some abstract expectations about me. Like they try to fit me in some image about what her potential husband is supposed to be. Ugh. On the other hand I always try to adapt to them at first but my patience runs out really fast.
Don't quite follow, which story? Oh, she found new guy I guess? But she never deleted her ex for me. So I find that curious.
I was on FB and just noticed she wasn't on my buddy list like always, so checked it out and saw I was unfriended. If this is just her way of coping that's fine, I'm cool with that. If she's doing it to like hide all traces of me from her previous ex because she's trying to get back with him, I have a problem with that.
I guess my issue is because we were supposed to be friends after giving each other some space and not talk to each other. We were best friends before and didn't plan on just never talking to her again. So depending on what she's doing now, that's going to change the future.
You're going to stress over someone (your ex) who doesn't want to be your friend on a social networking site?
I'm not saying this as a slight against you, but she's the smarter one of the two of you because she took this action first. I'd suggest you get over her because she's clearly (at least starting to get) over you.
Really though, what does it matter if she's "hiding all evidence?" You're not together anymore so it's inconsequential.
I'm not saying this as a slight against you, but she's the smarter one of the two of you because she took this action first. I'd suggest you get over her because she's clearly (at least starting to get) over you.
Really though, what does it matter if she's "hiding all evidence?" You're not together anymore so it's inconsequential.
The woman I am trying to get now does that actually. I think it is their way of mating(for lack of better term).
- Status