Words to live by. I did it through a knock knock joke once, best method.
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Gay and Bisexual thread |OT2|Bears and Twinks and Otters. Oh My!
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Words to live by. I did it through a knock knock joke once, best method.
I'm 24, I have a very solid group of close friends that I'm pretty sure would be okay with it. Yet I haven't bothered to do it, lol. It's just that at this point, does it really matter? What do I win? What does it change? It's just not very important for me. Will at some point, I guess, but I'm genuinely not in a hurry.
You have to tell the whole story.
RadioHeadAche
Member
Through Facebook messages because I was in a different college from them and I was terrified. I told a guy I was in love with at the time through a myspace message which is funny in a way, I guess. I remember speaking to one of them through instant messaging and mentioning I liked someone. After trying to dodge revealing the gender, I eventually gave in and revealed the name of the friend I liked. After that, I decided to tell my other close friends, most of whom are guys. They were all just fine with it, a bit surprised, but completely accepting which was great.
I expected a really great knock-knock joke. This is terrible material.
Sorry about that, it got the job done (and a laugh) so I was content. Main point being the less time I gave myself to internalize things while telling people the better.
This has been my experience when coming out too. I have been lucky.
That feeling of "I need to come out" disappeared last March after I told 2 friends about it in a wedding. They were the last two on my list, after them I didn't really care for anyone else.
While there are still close and dear friends (and family members) who don't know, I see no reason* to come out as I feel at ease and [mostly] comfortable with myself.
* unless someone asks me directly or there is there is a guy I would like them to meet.
This is my favourite part of coming out, hehe. It's great when you find out your friends have been so curious about how some things work and are excited to finally have someone to talk to about it. I never hid that I liked guys, and yet still some people were surprised. But when I told my best mate she said to me without a moments hesitation "Do you want me to look surprised?" lol.
I cheated by telling my Dad over the phone, but I only see him about once or twice a year and I couldn't wait when I'd come out to everyone else. We had a good talk where he told me "Well, everyone is a bit bisexual...". Umm, thanks Dad... suddenly all those stories about you in the army take on a different light.
Exactly why I haven't came out to many people. Especially to my parents: It isn't any of their business and never will be.
I only came out to my dad cuz he was looking through my phone and shit and saw something I had said to someone. It was really bad at first. Thankfully he's come a long, long, long way from what he used to believe a couple years ago. I'm really thankful for that. My mom was instantly supportive, as was my sister and the rest of my family. I never really told anyone else except my cousins, but they're all gossipy, so I know that the rest of the family knows and is okay with it.
As for my friends, I'm pretty lucky to have an amazing little group of them, and not a single one of them thought any differently of me at the time (when I was 16/17), so in that period of my life that felt like the best thing ever.
I came out to my cat awhile ago too. He said it was fine.
As for my friends, I'm pretty lucky to have an amazing little group of them, and not a single one of them thought any differently of me at the time (when I was 16/17), so in that period of my life that felt like the best thing ever.
I came out to my cat awhile ago too. He said it was fine.
I was drunk though so maybe he was just being nice.
Cosmic Bus
pristine morning snow
Rm88~ said:
Avoidance and self-efficacy.
You don't do this to get something out of it, nor is it about putting your personal life on display. Coming out is about honesty, acceptance (both of yourself and allowing others the opportunity to do the same) and not keeping yourself hidden away. My parents don't really need to hear about My Gay Life, but I didn't want to continue having them believe I was something I am not.
Whether or not you think your family or friends will be supportive is almost irrelevant; if you can't freely live as the person you are or want to be, then you're basically giving intolerance more fuel for the fire.
Bel Marduk
Banned
Well, If you have a very solid group of close friends then why would you hide a large part of your personality from them? I mean, unless you have no desire to be in a relationship or even for sex. Your friends will probably be offended you didn't tell them.
Rejection hurts.
I thought you lived in France/Europe?
I moved to New York a little more than a year ago
Cosmic Bus put it in words I could not have. I think that it's hard to allow yourself to have a meaningful relationship when you are still actively or passively hiding a part of who you are.
Everyone should come out on their own terms and in their own time but it's never for naught.
It does but you get over it when you realize that there's no use have people who would reject you over that in your life. IMO hiding hurts more in the long time.
I think I'm fine with that, thanks. I live in the South, I continue to live with my parents not by choice but by necessity. And frankly, again: It isn't anyone's business but my own. You can call it avoidance or whatever you want. I'll just laugh and continue with my life.
I haven't told my Dad but I only see him like twice a week.
Otherwise, I just did the awkward build up then spurt it out after a long period of agitation. Most my friends didn't care though they were pretty surprised. A fair number of them were in theatre or knew enough theatre people to not really be curious about it though.
Otherwise, I just did the awkward build up then spurt it out after a long period of agitation. Most my friends didn't care though they were pretty surprised. A fair number of them were in theatre or knew enough theatre people to not really be curious about it though.
Eh, don't waste the effort. If a person doesn't feel this way now then they still have some growing to do. Everyone comes to these kind of realizations in their own way and at different times.
I told both parents at once last year on my birthday and they took it extremely well. My Dad got emotional and teared up saying he wished I had told them earlier so they could have supported me through high school, which was really sweet. It was gratifying to be 100% open, as that was the 'last thing.'
I haven't told many people, just a few close friends and family.l I think I've a couple more people left to tell, everyone else can figure it out themselves.
I haven't told many people, just a few close friends and family.l I think I've a couple more people left to tell, everyone else can figure it out themselves.
Yeah, we'll just have to agree to disagree. I don't feel like I'm hiding a "large part of my personality" - that's the point, it's not very important to me. I am exactly who I want to be. So it works for me, really, and I completely understand if other people with different priorities and life situations believe it's very important to be open about it. In the end, I have the right to keep it to myself and will keep doing it until it becomes an obstacle. It's not at the moment.
Padawan of Windu
Member
Oh, it'd be swell to have new 3DS friends. Especially ones with Heroes of Ruin. Is anyone else here playing that? I rarely ever play online games so it's such a novelty to me, and the fact that you can talk to people online with it is nifty to me. I guess I'm stuck in the 90's? Well my 3DS friend code is 2836-0087-6663 if people want to add me.
Originally Posted by sruckus:
Guys how do/did you come out to guy friends?
It seems like a lot of the people responding to this came out at an older age than I. I was barely 15 when I did, and had a whole plan for it, which, of course, went completely awry, but everything turned out ok. Pretty much with my guy friends, I kept trying to subtley bring up something relating to gay people/issues at lunch in the cafeteria to gauge their reactions. I was ready to start telling people (though I was terrified at the time, a feeling I find so bizarre now as these haven't been issues for me for many years.) But before I ever had that chance, my cousin kind of effed it up. I had thought I was alone in the house, and left up on the computer some old AIM profile from my secret "gay" screenname when she came into the room. I literally like tackled her to keep her away from the screen, lol, but it was no use, and I ran home. She told my aunt, who called my mom, who confronted me about it. I admitted it, and we had a big fight. (This, in retrospect, confuses me about my crazy mother so much. Her favorite nephew is gay and acts on Broadway.) She kicked me out and told me to "Go get AIDS, little faggot." So, off to a great start in coming out.
People started to find out that weekend without me even getting to tell people myself. I at least told my best friend over AIM, and he was totally supportive and didn't care. The same was true of all my friends, and my Dad wasn't as volatile as my mom. I remember being so scared to go back to school on Monday, thinking about people talking about me. But it was also quite liberating, and I ended up enjoying some of the attention, having been so shy for all my life at that point. Things have changed so much since then. It's a bit unsettling to think back upon it like this again. I'd sort of locked it away.
In more direct response to your question about telling guy friends, my advice is this: be honest, try to not be too stressed by it, and be humorous. So many people were shocked that I was gay, that it was easy to just turn their shock around on them into a joke. And that makes it easier for both parties. I wish you luck in your gay-tell adventures.
Mystic Theurge
Member
Bel Marduk
Banned
How is that condescending? Its only logical that the more emotional growth someone has, the more comfortable that person will be with themselves. Some of you can say it doesn't bother you at all to be in the closet but it seems to me like you're not being honest with yourselves or those around you. Whatever, your business.
I could give a smart-ass reply, but in the interest of actual discussion: what's the issue with what I said? Phrasing? Is there a "nicer" way of expressing that statement?
Different life situations, different priorities. You can't measure "emotional growth" like that because we're not all living through the exact same situations and we don't all think the same. People should be open about it when they think it's time, IF they want. You can't say I'm not being honest with myself based on your own personal need to come out to the world, because I lack that need. And I'm not hiding to anyone anything that should matter to them, I'm not being unfair to anyone.
I'm by no means trying to minimize the feel of achievement and liberation you people experienced by coming out, just understand it's not the same for everyone.
I'm by no means trying to minimize the feel of achievement and liberation you people experienced by coming out, just understand it's not the same for everyone.
Katana_Strikes
Member
So the guy I was seeing over the weekend has moved down south today. Had a good first date on Friday, then he came round mine on the Saturday evening where we got it on... I knew he was moving away today, so TBH on the Sunday I didn't txt him as I really wanted to end it there (we hugged/kissed before we left). I've done long distance relationships before and I don't want that. So I thought it was for the best to just leave it be, so I didn't get further involved. Anyways, Sunday goes by with no contact, I assumed that was it. But yesterday he txts me on the Monday, asks how I am and the conversation gets rolling again. I sort of wanted to see him again before he went, but I knew it would be bad news doing that. He was too busy packing and stuff anyways to meet, but I still felt rubbish that I couldn't see him. Later on, I ask him if he's all packed and he says he's on a night out, then casually asks I should come out. Which I probably would have done if he'd told me earlier but to just rush about, get cleaned/ready out of the blue wasn't something I was willing to do for an hour or so. He txts me when he gets home. There's lots of 
smilies in our txts. He says he really would like to see me today before he goes but there's no time. Says he'll facetime me when he arrives back home.
So I'm at a bit of a weird situation with him. I like him... I think I might need to pull the reins back a little in regards to how I really feel about him though. And he seems to like me. He wants to skype... which I've never done yet. I just don't know how or if I should pursue it further. We're never really gonna be able to see each other except over webcam, at least for months on end... and that's if the interest is there over that time after that. I don't want a long distance relationship (no question) or mess about over webcam in the meantime. But at the same time I don't really want to severe ties fully.
smilies in our txts. He says he really would like to see me today before he goes but there's no time. Says he'll facetime me when he arrives back home.So I'm at a bit of a weird situation with him. I like him... I think I might need to pull the reins back a little in regards to how I really feel about him though. And he seems to like me. He wants to skype... which I've never done yet. I just don't know how or if I should pursue it further. We're never really gonna be able to see each other except over webcam, at least for months on end... and that's if the interest is there over that time after that. I don't want a long distance relationship (no question) or mess about over webcam in the meantime. But at the same time I don't really want to severe ties fully.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
What if I'm completely inept at sports?
Umm, thanks Dad... suddenly all those stories about you in the army take on a different light.
Hon, you're gonna need to elaborate.
Mystic Theurge
Member
Basically this.
Don't project yourself onto other people and say that they need to grow more because they don't agree with you. It's belittling.
I agree with the bold and severely disagree with the highlighted text. As you said earlier though, we'll just have to agree to disagree.
She did that to a 15-year-old you? Ouch. Did she eventually get over it?
MyAbsolution
Member
So the guy I was seeing over the weekend has moved down south today. Had a good first date on Friday, then he came round mine on the Saturday evening where we got it on... I knew he was moving away today, so TBH on the Sunday I didn't txt him as I really wanted to end it there (we hugged/kissed before we left). I've done long distance relationships before and I don't want that. So I thought it was for the best to just leave it be, so I didn't get further involved. Anyways, Sunday goes by with no contact, I assumed that was it. But yesterday he txts me on the Monday, asks how I am and the conversation gets rolling again. I sort of wanted to see him again before he went, but I knew it would be bad news doing that. He was too busy packing and stuff anyways to meet, but I still felt rubbish that I couldn't see him. Later on, I ask him if he's all packed and he says he's on a night out, then casually asks I should come out. Which I probably would have done if he'd told me earlier but to just rush about, get cleaned/ready out of the blue wasn't something I was willing to do for an hour or so. He txts me when he gets home. There's lots of
So I'm at a bit of a weird situation with him. I like him... I think I might need to pull the reins back a little in regards to how I really feel about him though. And he seems to like me. He wants to skype... which I've never done yet. I just don't know how or if I should pursue it further. We're never really gonna be able to see each other except over webcam, at least for months on end... and that's if the interest is there over that time after that. I don't want a long distance relationship (no question) or mess about over webcam in the meantime. But at the same time I don't really want to severe ties fully.
Guess youre gunna have to tell him where you stand? And preface that you really really want to be friends and keep in touch.
I probably would feel the same way except the Chik-Fil-A comments on my FB annoyed me so I want to just say fuck it to all of those people.
And my close friends keep wanting to get me to go out and talk to girls and stuff and instead of just pretending I suck at it (although I suck at finding guys apparently, too), I'd rather they just know so I don't have to pretend to be interested in girls all the time. If they do end up accepting me being gay it will be pretty great, though, since I can finally talk nonstop about guys I find hot and they'll realize how annoying they are sometimes.
Meicyn
Member
This is precisely why you need to get it over with. I came out just a few months ago, and it is remarkably freeing. I wish I had done it sooner than I did.
SpaceBridge
Member
Does anyone still believe in the "1 in10 people is gay" statistic? I remember when I was a teen reading this and finding some comfort in it but now with more studies done is this stat still valid?
What is going on in here?
The 1-10 was always a loose estimate. I've read studies that vary between 5-20 depending on who's doing it and how they're measuring. Though I haven't heard any larger shift in the general consensus. I would wager it's pretty close unless you start using the Kinsey scale and counting anyone that's not on the extreme end.
The 1-10 was always a loose estimate. I've read studies that vary between 5-20 depending on who's doing it and how they're measuring. Though I haven't heard any larger shift in the general consensus. I would wager it's pretty close unless you start using the Kinsey scale and counting anyone that's not on the extreme end.
1 in 20 is the stat I've always heard, though studies in UK have revealed it could be as low as 1 in 100.
SpaceBridge
Member
5 in 20 ? So 1 in 4? That seems super high. I'm in crowded bus at the moment, does that mean there are 6 gay ppl in here? Omg.
How was the date btw?
SpaceBridge
Member
I doubt it too, maybe depends on the city too. For example I hear NYC its quite high, although you can attest to that.
Charles Foster Kane
Rosebud
Hi guys. I don`t know what the ratio might be where I live, but it`s either pretty low or everyone is just in the closet lol.
people moving to a more liberal state rather staying in a conservative one?
Ha, I meant 5% up to 20%. I think 20% is far too high but I remember coming across a study that suggested that.
The date went well. Will be seeing him again tomorrow and then he's leaving for two weeks.
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