Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Had a good time at the London-GAF meetup last night.

We went to some club and I managed to grind with some girl, who later kissed me. She told me I was adorable, so I guess I'll take that as a compliment.

Nothing much beyond that, but eh, it was a positive step in the right direction.

It's just a shame from tomorrow things will potentially be a bit shit in my life...
 
Is there a general rule of how long you should wait before asking someone out who has just come from a serious relationship? I guess like 3-4 months or something?
 
Well fuck me sideways, what is the proper response to "So what are you doing tonight?"

I've had like 4 girls from cold approaches ask me that in the past couple months, and each time I fail the test. It's not like I give a boring response like, "Oh, nuthin," I usually reply with an open/inviting answer like I'm getting drinks, going to a party, or something social, and invite them along.

y i so bad with gurls :\
 
PumpkinPie said:
Is there a general rule of how long you should wait before asking someone out who has just come from a serious relationship? I guess like 3-4 months or something?
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My friend broke up with her bf of like 2 years, a month later found another guy. So, I'd give it like, 2 weeks, then slowly work your way in. About 3 weeks, and I'd say you're safe to make a move.
 
pheonix991 said:
My friend broke up with her bf of like 2 years, a month later found another guy. So, I'd give it like, 2 weeks, then slowly work your way in. About 3 weeks, and I'd say you're safe to make a move.
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It's already been 6 weeks and she's still saying she would go back to the relationship if her ex would have her back. She also said she isn't looking for a new relationship at this time.

Note: She didn't say this to me, I read it on her Tumblr diary. I'm keeping my distance so I don't get friendzoned.
 
PumpkinPie said:
It's already been 6 weeks and she's still saying she would go back to the relationship if her ex would have her back. She also said she isn't looking for a new relationship at this time.

Note: She didn't say this to me, I read it on her Tumblr diary. I'm keeping my distance so I don't get friendzoned.
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You should be in contact with her and be an obvious choice of a mate, but you should also not be hitting on her or making moves at all. I feel like this is where men generally fail and end up feeling they are being "friendzoned" (a word I hate because it's unbelievably misogynistic and selfish). It's a turnoff when it's clear someone wants you and is easy to get.

Be challenging and interesting. Let her pick you because you're awesome, not because you avoided her because you just wanted to be friends. There is no real timeline on when someone is ready to date again.
 
My friend knows a hot, kinky asian girl who always flirts with him on facebook. He just got off a really bad break up and saw her in a bar on saturday night. And...he never went up to her because he was too shy. The story made me want to cry. He wouldn't have needed to even try and would have been the perfect thing to jump back from such a shitty break up.

If I'm anything like that I hope someone slaps me!
 
Liu Kang Baking A Pie said:
You should be in contact with her and be an obvious choice of a mate, but you should also not be hitting on her or making moves at all. I feel like this is where men generally fail and end up feeling they are being "friendzoned" (a word I hate because it's unbelievably misogynistic and selfish). It's a turnoff when it's clear someone wants you and is easy to get.

Be challenging and interesting. Let her pick you because you're awesome, not because you avoided her because you just wanted to be friends. There is no real timeline on when someone is ready to date again.
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Thanks. We do have a ridiculous amount of things in common, but I don't want to come off as a creepy guy trying to take advantage of her when she's been through a recent breakup. I heard the guy broke up with her out of the blue and for no reason, and I'm still wary that they might get back together.

I don't know if I'm looking into things too much, but we were chatting and I recommended she buy something, then she dragged her friends out the next day with her to buy the very thing I had recommended. I'm not usually very good at this dating lark, but that seems like a good thing, yes?
 
So my friends girlfriend said she wants to hang out with me alone 'a lot' more and kept trying to play footsy with me at lunch yesterday.. Not sure what she is getting at.
 
Mario007 said:
Yeah, you NEED to be with her alone before she'll let you kiss her, to be honest. Organise a proper date and see how that fares (but even there you really shouldn't force the kiss).
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I'm going to organise a lunch/coffee with her because I haven't actually gotten to spend much time with her alone apart from a quick catch up for 30 mins on my lunch break last week and a facebook convo or two then I'm going to ask her to dinner and go from there. (Or something interesting I'll cross that bridge when I get to it). Not really sure I get what you say when I shouldn't be having to force it though. Any tips would be appreciated.
 
snoopen said:
So my friends girlfriend said she wants to hang out with me alone 'a lot' more and kept trying to play footsy with me at lunch yesterday.. Not sure what she is getting at.
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Etrian Oddity said:
Well fuck me sideways, what is the proper response to "So what are you doing tonight?"

I've had like 4 girls from cold approaches ask me that in the past couple months, and each time I fail the test. It's not like I give a boring response like, "Oh, nuthin," I usually reply with an open/inviting answer like I'm getting drinks, going to a party, or something social, and invite them along.

y i so bad with gurls :\
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Don't invite right away. Give her a chance to invite you!

List some activities you're doing for PART of the day, then something like "after that i'm making it up as i go"

That lets them know you have a life and are interesting enough to have some things on your plate, but also leaves the door open for them to invite you somewhere, or hint about something in hopes of you stepping up and making it into a plan.
 
Got a date with the girl of my dreams on Wednesday night, wish me luck.

We are friends, but I'm trying to push past being just friends so hopefully this is the first step.
 
Met a really cool girl in my dorm's common room watching the football game. Soon it was just us, we chatted and flirted for an hour, getting great vibes. She asks to add me on facebook, we exchange numbers. I go on her facebook later that night, and see she's got a boyfriend. Bummer. I don't want to get into the friend zone 'cause I'm definitely attracted to her, but I don't want to be a homewrecker. What should I do?
 
kid ness said:
Met a really cool girl in my dorm's common room watching the football game. Soon it was just us, we chatted and flirted for an hour, getting great vibes. She asks to add me on facebook, we exchange numbers. I go on her facebook later that night, and see she's got a boyfriend. Bummer. I don't want to get into the friend zone 'cause I'm definitely attracted to her, but I don't want to be a homewrecker. What should I do?
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Hang out with her and meet her friends, college relationships usually don't last that long either. Maybe you'll get your chance eventually.
 
snoopen said:
So my friends girlfriend said she wants to hang out with me alone 'a lot' more and kept trying to play footsy with me at lunch yesterday.. Not sure what she is getting at.
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Would you want some guy footsy-ing the person you love under the table? Think before you footsy man.
 
snoopen said:
So my friends girlfriend said she wants to hang out with me alone 'a lot' more and kept trying to play footsy with me at lunch yesterday.. Not sure what she is getting at.
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Granted there are aspects to the group dynamic here that I don't know or understand.

So Questions
Is she or was she YOUR friend first?

No?
FLY FLY before something bad happens.

Yes?
FLY FLY before something bad happens.

Seriously buddy, this is testy at best and worst case scenario catastrophic.

Third option
Set her straight and watch to see if she pulls shenanigans with other dudes because... he's your friend.
 
So my very good friend from work got pretty tipsy last week and started hitting on me a lot and I kept on messing/teasing her about it and now we keep on joking about us going out and ect, getting some mixed signals but I am kind of thinking I should go for it but there is also the fact that we work at the same place.

What should I do GAF?
 
So it looks like I have a success story for you guys. Me and the lady friend are official.

It's...surreal. It hasn't really settled in yet. I'm sort of a closed off bastard though, so it might take a little time.
 
wwm0nkey said:
So my very good friend from work got pretty tipsy last week and started hitting on me a lot and I kept on messing/teasing her about it and now we keep on joking about us going out and ect, getting some mixed signals but I am kind of thinking I should go for it but there is also the fact that we work at the same place.

What should I do GAF?
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If you work in different departments, smang.

If not, avoid potential drama at all costs.
 
MiDNiGHTS said:
I should point out I've been at this for quite a while now. It's one thing if I just showed up to a new college but I've been here for 4 semesters.
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Oh you're in college? Well then it really should be quite easy. Doesn't your college have like clubs or societies that you could go to, where people would have the same interest as you?

If not, then also a good advice is you do bond a lot with people when you go out for a couple of beers.

Arksy said:
I'm going to organise a lunch/coffee with her because I haven't actually gotten to spend much time with her alone apart from a quick catch up for 30 mins on my lunch break last week and a facebook convo or two then I'm going to ask her to dinner and go from there. (Or something interesting I'll cross that bridge when I get to it). Not really sure I get what you say when I shouldn't be having to force it though. Any tips would be appreciated.
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What I mean is don't go in looking for an opening for a kiss all the time. Talk to her, make her laugh, have a good time. When an opening does come sure, go for it. But if not, it's not the end of the world. You don't have to kiss on a first date. Just say that you had a great time and would like for the two of you to do this again soon.That should be as effective a signal as a kiss, if you don't get around to it.
 
Met an awesome guy at a party on Sat. End up spending the night together (but we just kiss). He accidentally left some stuff so I sent him a message on fb (he's a friend of a friend but I don't have his number). He hasn't responded yet. Feels bad man.
 
So I did it, I laid down all my cards down on the table. The girl and I decided to eat at a sushi/noodle joint not far from the campus (I drove) and I brought up the topic after we finished eating.

I brought up the topic of how she said she would get mad if I were to go out with another girl and explained how that confused me and I asked where our relationship was standing between the two of us.

She admitted that she would get jealous and would want to keep me all to herself though she realizes this is selfish and apologized and she also admitted that she did have feelings for me but not absolutely crazy like she did with her ex-gf. She told me that she's holding back because she doesn't want to commit to a half-hearted relationship on her part which is understandable as she's only bisexual/heterosexual curious at the moment.

In the end she told me that she needed to think about it over a couple of days to get a grasp on her feelings, I said that I understand and we left it at that.

So now I have closure (for the moment) and all I await is for her eventual answer. Either scenario I'm prepared for and I'm glad I finally got this issue between us out in the open.
 
pgtl_10 said:
I feel that women think I'm gay. Has anyone else had women perceive them in that matter? How do I change that perception?
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I've had this happen.

I'm not the "stereotypical" guy so to speak. I've had numerous women co-workers of mine say I'm unlike any other guy they've met and I'm really sweet and nice, etc. Like they can relate to me on a woman's perspective lol.

My girlfriend, who I work with, has told me that other co-workers asked her if I was gay (prior to us dating) lol.

I don't really care, and I didn't change myself at all, and that's how I'm with my current girlfriend. She was looking for someone like me.
 
I posted a few pages back about this girl I like, I mentioned she broke up with her boyfriend about 6 weeks ago (that was when I met her) and we've been becoming closer since then. I have been keeping my distance to a degree as things with me are a little complicated, but I thought she'd take a long time to get over her ex and this would buy me some time.

Well, she decided yesterday that she has moved on and now she's coming onto me strongly... This girl is beautiful and we share so many obscure interests it's unreal, but I don't know if I can do this now. I have shit to deal with, I'm supposed to be having an operation around Christmas time and I don't want to think about a relationship until that is over and done with, but at the same time this girl is HNNNGGGG and I've been single for 6 damn years. If it had been any other time I would've jumped at the chance, but it happened right at the moment when I can't be with somebody.

:(
 
PumpkinPie said:
I posted a few pages back about this girl I like, I mentioned she broke up with her boyfriend about 6 weeks ago (that was when I met her) and we've been becoming closer since then. I have been keeping my distance to a degree as things with me are a little complicated, but I thought she'd take a long time to get over her ex and this would buy me some time.

Well, she decided yesterday that she has moved on and now she's coming onto me strongly... This girl is beautiful and we share so many obscure interests it's unreal, but I don't know if I can do this now. I have shit to deal with, I'm supposed to be having an operation around Christmas time and I don't want to think about a relationship until that is over and done with, but at the same time this girl is HNNNGGGG and I've been single for 6 damn years. If it had been any other time I would've jumped at the chance, but it happened right at the moment when I can't be with somebody.

:(
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Just let it slip through your fingers, I cannot possible imagine a scenario where you would regret it.
 
Ughhh


So I started dating this girl a few weeks ago who was on a "break" with her BF because he had cheated on her a few times and she got sick of it.

We went on our dates and everything went great, had lots of fun, and she even told me she liked me.

Yesterday however her ex-boyfriend starts to text/call her saying he is sorry and wont cheat again and all other kinds of BS and now she is saying she is confused and wants to speak with him and said she may give him another chance.

Where did I go wrong?? Or perhaps im just not good enough for her?

I havent spoken to her since she told me about her ex contacting her but im about to just call her out and tell her she is making a huge mistake if she gives this guy another chance.
 
Dre3001 said:
Ughhh


So I started dating this girl a few weeks ago who was on a "break" with her BF because he had cheated on her a few times and she got sick of it.

We went on our dates and everything went great, had lots of fun, and she even told me she liked me.

Yesterday however her ex-boyfriend starts to text/call her saying he is sorry and wont cheat again and all other kinds of BS and now she is saying she is confused and wants to speak with him and said she may give him another chance.

Where did I go wrong?? Or perhaps im just not good enough for her?

I havent spoken to her since she told me about her ex contacting her but im about to just call her out and tell her she is making a huge mistake if she gives this guy another chance.
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She loves her ex not you. You were just being used to soothe the ache.
 
Dre3001 said:
Ughhh


So I started dating this girl a few weeks ago who was on a "break" with her BF because he had cheated on her a few times and she got sick of it.

We went on our dates and everything went great, had lots of fun, and she even told me she liked me.

Yesterday however her ex-boyfriend starts to text/call her saying he is sorry and wont cheat again and all other kinds of BS and now she is saying she is confused and wants to speak with him and said she may give him another chance.

Where did I go wrong?? Or perhaps im just not good enough for her?

I havent spoken to her since she told me about her ex contacting her but im about to just call her out and tell her she is making a huge mistake if she gives this guy another chance.
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Distance yourself and give her the gift of missing you. And get rid of the mindset that youre not good enough
 
pgtl_10 said:
I feel that women think I'm gay. Has anyone else had women perceive them in that matter? How do I change that perception?
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This is just a self image thing if women havent outright asked if youre gay. Now it doesnt mean youre actually gay, but its a signal that you need to rebuild your self image
 
Age old question - met a girl on Sunday and we got along great. Didn't text her yesterday - should I text her today?

I look at it as holding off and giving her space, but I'm wondering if I should just wait another day before messaging her so I don't come off as needy.

Thank you, Dating Sage gaf
 
AnathemicOne said:
Any reason for this comment or it just random? I believe I now owe her atleast some time for her to decide as I essentially put the ball in her park so to speak.
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Yeah you do. You didn't get so much a closure but more of a definite countdown to the closure :P

So yeah, wait around a little. She might even be more distant in the next couple of days because she's thinking about it, so don't read too much into it. Don't go over a week of waiting though...if someone has to decide for longer than a week whether or not they want to be with you then chances are pretty high that they simply don't.

Having said that, well done for having the courage to talk about it with her!

Age old question - met a girl on Sunday and we got along great. Didn't text her yesterday - should I text her today?

I look at it as holding off and giving her space, but I'm wondering if I should just wait another day before messaging her so I don't come off as needy.

Thank you, Dating Sage gaf
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Today or tomorrow's both good actually. Even a week from now would be good...any longer not so much. There's no golden rule really apart from more than a week is too much and less than a day is too soon. Say you're doing nothing tomorrow afternoon and ask her to go grab a coffee or something.

She loves her ex not you. You were just being used to soothe the ache.
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Unfortunately this is the right answer, Dre.
 
hydragonwarrior said:
Age old question - met a girl on Sunday and we got along great. Didn't text her yesterday - should I text her today?

I look at it as holding off and giving her space, but I'm wondering if I should just wait another day before messaging her so I don't come off as needy.

Thank you, Dating Sage gaf
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There's no "right" answer to this. I usually message pretty quickly because I don't see the harm in letting a gal feel wanted. Ultimately I don't actually think it really matters, if she's interested or not then waiting a certain number of days won't make or break anything.
 
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