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[Vermillion]

Why would you think this?

Who knows - it just doesn't seem like they would enjoy being with someone below their level. In HS, girls would ask for my help and be more interested when I knew what I was doing. When I got things wrong I ended up feeling terrible about it (particularly in group debates), and it basically destroys that image of me.

 

[Devolution]

Who knows - it just doesn't seem like they would enjoy being with someone below their level. In HS, girls would ask for my help and be more interested when I knew what I was doing. When I got things wrong I ended up feeling terrible about it (particularly in group debates), and it basically destroys that image of me.

Honestly you're better off not worrying about it. I'd say I've had the best conversations with guys who challenge me intellectually but I nor they think they're intellectually superior and vice versa.

 

[Vermillion]

Honestly you're better off not worrying about it. I'd say I've had the best conversations with guys who challenge me intellectually but I nor they think they're intellectually superior and vice versa.

Still better.

 

[criesofthepast]

You suspect your partner is lying to you about something (relationship with a supposed to be friend.) You ask them head on about your suspicions and they say there is nothing going on and they're telling the truth. Not convinced by their acting job, you go through their phone when they aren't looking. You find incriminating proof they're lying to you.

What do?

I realize both sides have wrong here but how do you approach this if your the person who's snooping?

This didnt happen to me personally! A friend (lol for real) texted me about this happening to them and they're really distraught over this. Doesn't know what to do.

I'm conflicted myself over this myself. Sounds shitty.

The incriminating evidence was a text and it appears from what we know that it wasn't sex or oral, just making out and all that fun over the clothes stuff. No way of verifying what actually went down though. Not sure how far it went is relevant here.

 

[Darklord]

So, I've been chatting with this women after we came across each other last week or so. We end up messaging each other and chatting for hours each day. We get along really well. Now, the problem is...she's married. We seem to get along way more than friends though. At one point I even said "If you weren't married this is where I'd ask to get a coffee with you sometime" and she said that she'd take me up on that offer as I was good looking and a perfect mix of humour and depth. I said I thought the same about her but in a more joking way that killed any possible awkwardness.
A couple of days later however she starts asking me things like what I look for in a relationship, what I look for in a woman physically, what my dating deal breakers are and all different stuff like that. I dunno what the hell to think? Is this just friendly chatting or is it beyond that now?

 

[Fair Trial]

You suspect your partner is lying to you about something (relationship with a supposed to be friend.) You ask them head on about your suspicions and they say there is nothing going on and they're telling the truth. Not convinced by their acting job, you go through their phone when they aren't looking. You find incriminating proof they're lying to you.

What do?

I realize both sides have wrong here but how do you approach this if your the person who's snooping?

This didnt happen to me personally! A friend (lol for real) texted me about this happening to them and they're really distraught over this. Doesn't know what to do.

I'm conflicted myself over this myself. Sounds shitty.

The incriminating evidence was a text and it appears from what we know that it wasn't sex or oral, just making out and all that fun over the clothes stuff. No way of verifying what actually went down though. Not sure how far it went is relevant here.

Bail out

 

[PhoenixSFT]

So, I've been chatting with this women after we came across each other last week or so. We end up messaging each other and chatting for hours each day. We get along really well. Now, the problem is...she's married. We seem to get along way more than friends though. At one point I even said "If you weren't married this is where I'd ask to get a coffee with you sometime" and she said that she'd take me up on that offer as I was good looking and a perfect mix of humour and depth. I said I thought the same about her but in a more joking way that killed any possible awkwardness.
A couple of days later however she starts asking me things like what I look for in a relationship, what I look for in a woman physically, what my dating deal breakers are and all different stuff like that. I dunno what the hell to think? Is this just friendly chatting or is it beyond that now?

It's beyond the friendly chatter, she's definitely looking for something.

 

[Gucci Messiah]

So, I've been chatting with this women after we came across each other last week or so. We end up messaging each other and chatting for hours each day. We get along really well. Now, the problem is...she's married. We seem to get along way more than friends though. At one point I even said "If you weren't married this is where I'd ask to get a coffee with you sometime" and she said that she'd take me up on that offer as I was good looking and a perfect mix of humour and depth. I said I thought the same about her but in a more joking way that killed any possible awkwardness.
A couple of days later however she starts asking me things like what I look for in a relationship, what I look for in a woman physically, what my dating deal breakers are and all different stuff like that. I dunno what the hell to think? Is this just friendly chatting or is it beyond that now?

She is sending some strong signals that lead me to believe there is some interest here. However, do you really want to possibly destroy another man's marriage? If you're just friends then that's cool but I personally wouldn't put my self in a position where either of us would be tempted to do something we might later regret.

 

[Darklord]

She is sending some strong signals that lead me to believe there is some interest here. However, do you really want to possibly destroy another man's marriage? If you're just friends then that's cool but I personally wouldn't put my self in a position where either of us would be tempted to do something we might later regret.

I don't want to wreck her marriage but when I chat to her I don't really care. I know that sounds like a dick thing but we get along so well and almost perfectly click with each other. She's also mentioned I "get" her like no one else does in a few aspects and that I give really good advice. She's barely mentioned her marriage aside from 1 or 2 times though neither time was a negative thing. We flirt joke a lot too. Like a lot of sexual innuendo. But again, is that just a friendly joking thing or is there a more serious tone behind the flirty jokes? She did say I was weird but that she likes weird guys the most. She has mentioned she's not particularly happy where she is in life but again that might have nothing to do with her marriage or anything.

It's really confusing. If she wasn't married it would be crystal clear that she's interested and wants more but I just dunno....I don't know.

 

[electricshake]

I don't want to wreck her marriage but when I chat to her I don't really care. I know that sounds like a dick thing but we get along so well and almost perfectly click with each other. She's also mentioned I "get" her like no one else does in a few aspects and that I give really good advice. She's barely mentioned her marriage aside from 1 or 2 times though neither time was a negative thing. We flirt joke a lot too. Like a lot of sexual innuendo. But again, is that just a friendly joking thing or is there a more serious tone behind the flirty jokes? She did say I was weird but that she likes weird guys the most. She has mentioned she's not particularly happy where she is in life but again that might have nothing to do with her marriage or anything.

It's really confusing. If she wasn't married it would be crystal clear that she's interested and wants more but I just dunno....I don't know.

Maybe she's just enjoying the attention? A bit of a self esteem boost or whatever.

 

[Gucci Messiah]

I don't want to wreck her marriage but when I chat to her I don't really care. I know that sounds like a dick thing but we get along so well and almost perfectly click with each other. She's also mentioned I "get" her like no one else does in a few aspects and that I give really good advice. She's barely mentioned her marriage aside from 1 or 2 times though neither time was a negative thing. We flirt joke a lot too. Like a lot of sexual innuendo. But again, is that just a friendly joking thing or is there a more serious tone behind the flirty jokes? She did say I was weird but that she likes weird guys the most. She has mentioned she's not particularly happy where she is in life but again that might have nothing to do with her marriage or anything.

It's really confusing. If she wasn't married it would be crystal clear that she's interested and wants more but I just dunno....I don't know.

From what you're saying she seems pretty interested my man. I think you are headed towards a slippery slope though with this flirting. What you view as harmless conversation she might see as more and then the question becomes, where does the line get drawn?

 

[Darklord]

From what you're saying she seems pretty interested my man. I think you are headed towards a slippery slope though with this flirting. What you view as harmless conversation she might see as more and then the question becomes, where does the line get drawn?

I'm not sure if I do see it as harmless though. I know what I'm doing but I don't want to stop. Though when I mean flirting it isn't full blown flirting.

I'll use a rough example of what I mean by joking flirting:
Her: I'm a great cook. My chicken breasts are legendary!
Me: I'd love to taste your legendary breasts.
Her: They sure are. And my thighs and legs too of course. I'm quite the expert at chicken.
Me: Next time we meet I'll have to have a taste of your legs and thighs as well then. I wanna know how good you are...at cooking.
Her: My cooking will leave you very satisfied.

Ect ect.

Pretty cheesy example but you get what I mean. That kind of non-direct stuff where it's obvious what we're talking about but not exactly saying it. Though we have directly said we're attracted to each other. I just don't know if I'm thinking into this more than what's there.

 

[Log4Girlz]

I don't want to wreck her marriage but when I chat to her I don't really care. I know that sounds like a dick thing but we get along so well and almost perfectly click with each other. She's also mentioned I "get" her like no one else does in a few aspects and that I give really good advice. She's barely mentioned her marriage aside from 1 or 2 times though neither time was a negative thing. We flirt joke a lot too. Like a lot of sexual innuendo. But again, is that just a friendly joking thing or is there a more serious tone behind the flirty jokes? She did say I was weird but that she likes weird guys the most. She has mentioned she's not particularly happy where she is in life but again that might have nothing to do with her marriage or anything.

It's really confusing. If she wasn't married it would be crystal clear that she's interested and wants more but I just dunno....I don't know.

She may be interested in you but not interested in you pursuing her. Some women get very comfy when in a relationship and get reeeeeal close.

 

[Gucci Messiah]

I'm not sure if I do see it as harmless though. I know what I'm doing but I don't want to stop. Though when I mean flirting it isn't full blown flirting.

I'll use a rough example of what I mean by joking flirting:
Her: I'm a great cook. My chicken breasts are legendary!
Me: I'd love to taste your legendary breasts.
Her: They sure are. And my thighs and legs too of course. I'm quite the expert at chicken.
Me: Next time we meet I'll have to have a taste of your legs and thighs as well then. I wanna know how good you are...at cooking.
Her: My cooking will leave you very satisfied.

Ect ect.

Pretty cheesy example but you get what I mean. That kind of non-direct stuff where it's obvious what we're talking about but not exactly saying it. Though we have directly said we're attracted to each other. I just don't know if I'm thinking into this more than what's there.

Well, flirting is not supposed to be direct, it's a subtle way of expressing desire or emotion. Personally, I'd be pissed if my wife was having conversations like that with another guy. I'm not going to tell you how to live your life but if I were you I would back off. I've been in a similar situations with girls who have boyfriends and it never ends well. Someone alway gets fucked in the end, one way or another.

 

[Darklord]

Oh geez. We were just chatting and she messages me "I really like you. Just had to say that.". I'm guessing that kinda makes it clear now. Why couldn't she be single? Fucking why?! Fate, you arsehole!!

 

[Log4Girlz]

Oh geez. We were just chatting and she messages me "I really like you. Just had to say that.". I'm guessing that kinda makes it clear now. Why couldn't she be single? Fucking why?! Fate, you arsehole!!

She should be soon.

 

[Darklord]

She should be soon.

I don't want to ruin her life. I'm going to have to make a choice. One I can't ever go back on either way.

 

[Perspicacity]

I don't want to ruin her life. I'm going to have to make a choice. One I can't ever go back on either way.

Are there kids involved? If there are then you really need to back away immediately, one way or another you don't want anything involving kids on your conscience. If there aren't, then just proceed with extreme caution

 

[Darklord]

Are there kids involved? If there are then you really need to back away immediately, one way or another you don't want anything involving kids on your conscience. If there aren't, then just proceed with extreme caution

No, no kids. I definitely wouldn't get involved if kids are in the picture.

 

[UFRA]

Oh geez. We were just chatting and she messages me "I really like you. Just had to say that.". I'm guessing that kinda makes it clear now. Why couldn't she be single? Fucking why?! Fate, you arsehole!!

Sounds like she's just looking for an affair. I'm sure she's just playing all flirty cutie to you just to sleep with you.

If she was single, she'd probably have nothing to do with you.

You're getting played. Avoid that shit.

 

[MoGamesXNA]

Oh geez. We were just chatting and she messages me "I really like you. Just had to say that.". I'm guessing that kinda makes it clear now. Why couldn't she be single? Fucking why?! Fate, you arsehole!!

Sadly, I've come to discover that this isn't entirely uncommon. If it isn't you though mate, it'll just be another guy.

Just be aware that you're being played, like UFRA has mentioned.

Have fun

 

[RedNalgene]

Oh geez. We were just chatting and she messages me "I really like you. Just had to say that.". I'm guessing that kinda makes it clear now. Why couldn't she be single? Fucking why?! Fate, you arsehole!!

Just keep in mind if she's doing this with you behind her husband's back then she's the type of person who could do this to you behind your back if you ever got together. I was in a similar situation once, ended up that i could never could fully trust the girl.

 

[CF_Fighter]

So the girl I hooked up with on my bday I'm gonna see her again tomorrow night. If there is still something there I will definitely try and move this thing to the next level and start dating.

 

[Minamu]

Gaf, what do I do? Tried being a gentleman and hold a shot for a friend as she hugged her ex. Now my right leg is swollen and slightly bleeding from a heavy kick right on the front side, straight at the bone. She must've thought I was stealing the shot...

 

[bjb]

Just keep in mind if she's doing this with you behind her husband's back then she's the type of person who could do this to you behind your back if you ever got together. I was in a similar situation once, ended up that i could never could fully trust the girl.

This x1000. I've been in a similar situation - as have friends of mine. It always ends badly. Just move on.

 

[AnathemicOne]

Hey guys, here's the final update between I and my best friend whose a bi-curious lesbian.

So a week ago she agreed that she would try it out meaning that we'll go on a couple of dates and see what happens. Awesome right? However just right before the weekend her ex-gf (both of us were still friends with her at the time) found about us and went apeshit crazy on me specifically. She called me a rapist, asshole, "poacher", basically stated that I was forcing my friend into a relationship and I disregarded her lesbian sexuality.

To sum it all up, I lost the ex-gf as a friend though I wasn't angry, just really dissapointed. Anyways this situation of the ex-gf had no effect on the budding relationship (we both agreed to just leave the ex-gf alone) but it is still worth noting I think.

Anyways 2 days ago we went out on the first date as a sushi joint. It went fantastic. We decided to chill at the LGBT center on-campus (our usual hangout with the rest of our friends) to digest and whatnot. However, despite the success of the date, I noticed that she was really stressed/tired throughout the day. After an hour of lounging around she wanted to leave early so I accompanied her out.

We still had to wait for her carpool buddy so we sat down on a table outside and she brought the topic of us. She stated that she believed that she couldn't continue the relationship anymore as she felt she was forcing herself. Though she did say she really enjoyed the date and believed during it that she could actualy follow through with dating a guy, after the date she continued thinking about it and decided that she couldn't due to her being lesbian. She then broke down crying and apologizing of how she was optimistic to the whole "trying-things-out" in the beginning and about how I "deserved more."

In the end I comforted her and assured her that I didn't want to force her into anything and that ill always remain her best friend. So the psuedo-relationship ended and we still remained best friends, win-win situation right?

Well I spent yesterday acting really sulky. I wasn't angry at her but at myself. Before I stated (also in this thread) that I was prepared for any outcome including this one. Well it actually came into reality and it turns out I wasn't. Don't get me wrong, I am moving on but she's still in the back of my head and I was getting pissed at myself for not being prepared like I stated beforehand.

Now its today. I'm doing better and acted my normal self throughout the day. The "break-up" is still in my head but I believe that I'm moving on albeit slowly.

But yes that's basically the beginning and end of the psuedo-relationship. In retrospect it might seem pathetic but I actualy believe that this helped me grow plus I still have my best friend (even if I did lose the ex-gf as a friend)

 

[Branson]

Ugh. I hate seeing my ex fiancée while I'm out. Just ruins my fucking day.

 

[Sub_Level]

But yes that's basically the beginning and end of the psuedo-relationship. In retrospect it might seem pathetic but I actualy believe that this helped me grow plus I still have my best friend (even if I did lose the ex-gf as a friend)

I kind of had a similar "pseudo relationship". She told me those exact words too, that she "tried" but that it didn't just pan out but that it wasn't me either. Difference though is that unlike you, I wasn't able to maintain a friendship (we had been friends for a couple years). I hope that you're able to have better luck. I might suggest not focusing on her too much if you have strong feelings still, try going after other pursuits. She might come around again one day, and even if she doesn't, at least it sounds like you've got a good friend.

 

[maxxpower]

I wish there were girls in my classes, I'm studying aerospace engineering so there's only like one girl in all my classes and she already has a boyfriend.

 

[ThisWreckage]

I'd like more than your possibly exaggerated account of how dramatically her interest shot up. If there's anything that can eat away at a woman, it's the guilt of having someone be angry at her or hate her for reasons out of her control or intent, so most likely her being nicer to you or calling you was nothing more than her trying to get you to like her again, not so much because she liked you, simply for the sake of not being hated by you. If in the process of trying to make it up to you she actually fell for you, that was purely coincidental. By no means was your asshole attitude the winning factor.

She has started messaging me out of the blue on facebook and calling me. She has even started talking about me to our coworkers. It's so funny to me that when I was laid back and approachable she wouldn't do anything past basic salutations and small talk but now she's calling me and talking to me like we've known each other for ten years. I pretty much whole heartedly disagree with the entirety of the second half of your paragraph and I'll leave that at that. Anytime I have had any modicum of success with women it has been because I acted like a total ass. That is not coincidental.

 

[Minamu]

I wish there were girls in my classes, I'm studying aerospace engineering so there's only like one girl in all my classes and she already has a boyfriend.

don't shit where you eat. That wish is why you're single probably.

 

[AnathemicOne]

I kind of had a similar "pseudo relationship". She told me those exact words too, that she "tried" but that it didn't just pan out but that it wasn't me either. Difference though is that unlike you, I wasn't able to maintain a friendship (we had been friends for a couple years). I hope that you're able to have better luck. I might suggest not focusing on her too much if you have strong feelings still, try going after other pursuits. She might come around again one day, and even if she doesn't, at least it sounds like you've got a good friend.

Well even if I desire us to be together, realistically I can't see it happening right now. The entire "pseudo-relationship" was to see if her bi-curious side was strong enough to be comfortable in dating a guy IE me. It wasn't obviously so she's full-on lesbian atm and I respect her and the LGBT community not to force anything.

But yeah I'm in the process of moving on, like I said its just coming in terms with the reality that I believed I was prepared for but ultimately I wasn't.

 

[Loona]

don't shit where you eat. That wish is why you're single probably.

I don't see why preferring a gender-balanced environment is shitting where you eat, please elaborate.

 

[Minamu]

I don't see why preferring a gender-balanced environment is shitting where you eat, please elaborate.

Come on, it sounded like he wanted more girls so there's more to hit on. That is the essence of a life of scarcity.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

You suspect your partner is lying to you about something (relationship with a supposed to be friend.) You ask them head on about your suspicions and they say there is nothing going on and they're telling the truth. Not convinced by their acting job, you go through their phone when they aren't looking. You find incriminating proof they're lying to you.

What do?

I realize both sides have wrong here but how do you approach this if your the person who's snooping?

This didnt happen to me personally! A friend (lol for real) texted me about this happening to them and they're really distraught over this. Doesn't know what to do.

I'm conflicted myself over this myself. Sounds shitty.

The incriminating evidence was a text and it appears from what we know that it wasn't sex or oral, just making out and all that fun over the clothes stuff. No way of verifying what actually went down though. Not sure how far it went is relevant here.

haha what other option is there? How can you trust and stay with a person that does that to you?

It sucks to snoop, but this person found what they needed to make the next step.

 

[Conor 419]

Can't help but notice that 'Confidence is King' is still in the OP.

Atrocious.

 

[Loona]

Come on, it sounded like he wanted more girls so there's more to hit on. That is the essence of a life of scarcity.

I can't speak for his intentions, though I can from my personal experience on the issue: my parents put me in a boys-only school in 1st grade, and even though the school became mixed by my 6th grade, my own class remained boys-only until the 9th; in 10th grade classes got reshuffled a bit, at which point there were only 5 girls in our class of 30, until college - where I took computer science, so things didn't change that much.

I never hit on my female classmates, since frankly I never had much of a rapport with them, but after how "dry" the previous years felt, I was just glad they were there.

Nowadays I work at a more balanced environment, but can't completely shake the feeling I missed something important in my formative years and that I might be a decade or so behind most people on the elusive topic of "understanding women", that an incomplete social experience may have made me a less complete person, even if by now things are far more balanced in several aspects.

So yeah, this is a bit of a sensitive topic to me.

 

[Admiral Bone to Pick]

I wish there were girls in my classes, I'm studying aerospace engineering so there's only like one girl in all my classes and she already has a boyfriend.

Then don't bother trying to get girls in your classes. There's parties, clubs, school events, football games, etc. Hardly think you're doomed because of your choice of major (unless it bars you from having a social life).

 

[Devolution]

Can't help but notice that 'Confidence is King' is still in the OP.

Atrocious.

What should be there instead? I feel like a lot of people conflate confidence and socially aware or something. You can be really confident but still come off terribly if you have no social skills or proper timing.

 

[maxxpower]

Come on, it sounded like he wanted more girls so there's more to hit on. That is the essence of a life of scarcity.

No, not "hit on". I'm not a good looking dude so the only way I've ever managed to land a date is by talking to girls in class and then they start liking my personality, or sense of humor and eventually I ask them if they want to go on a date and they say yes. The only way I can converse with women now is by doing it outside of class and that's a bit difficult because the bar scene sucks here and while there's a lot of attractive women at my school's gym no woman(or man) wants to flirt while working out.

 

[Conor 419]

What should be there instead? I feel like a lot of people conflate confidence and socially aware or something. You can be really confident but still come off terribly if you have no social skills or proper timing.

It shouldn't be there at all, Devo. Confidence is a direct result of investing in yourself, to suggest that you can just obtain it regardless of your current state does more harm than good.

 

[JohnDoe]

It shouldn't be there at all, Devo. Confidence is a direct result of investing in yourself, to suggest that you can just obtain it regardless of your current state does more harm than good.

The other suggestions like get a hobby or start working out basically mean "get yourself in a good state" so idk why you're complaining.

 

[demonkaze]

So my holiday (If I can really call it that now) with my ex (that broke up with me less than a month ago) is next week and I'm really starting to dread it now. We both agreed that since we spent a lot of money on it that we would go and try and at least attempt to be civil.

Fact is, I'm pretty sure she already has another boyfriend already, one who when she was with me last month, was one of her best friend's boyfriend for the last 7 months that she was living with and she seemingly hated because he was being an asshole to her friend. I know this speaks volumes for the type of girl this woman is and I would never get back with her although i'd be lying if I said my feelings hadn't gone.

Truth is, it kind of kills me everytime I think about this and depresses me immensely. I really want to cut of all ties with her after this holiday, I know blocking her on facebook etc will be good for me because I still look and it just makes things worse however seeing as I directly work with her every day, at most times alone too, I think its best to be civil until I leave my current job.

On the other hand, I've decided to hand in my notice where I work when I come back from holiday, the job was nothing special anyway and I've considered going to university (something i've always wanted to do) and seeing as i'm 25 now, I consider it would be better to do it now seeing as I have no ties.

Not to sure why i'm writing this, guess it helps a little seeing as i'm pretty depressed at the moment, I know its for the best and I dodge a bullet not being with this woman anymore but I can't help feeling shitty. I'm also worried what I might say or do on this holiday with her, especially when drunk.

 

[I'm an expert]

How much money are we talkin about here. If the money's gone it's gone. Why waste your time on top of it. Tell her to go fuck herself or take her new boy toy instead.

 

[zethren]

Long time lurker, first time caller. Though I have posted my thoughts in here in the past, I have never really talked about anything personal about myself. So, here goes:

In June my girlfriend and I of 6 years went on a break, with the "deadline" being 1 month. Testing the waters with it, and seeing how she felt. She had been struggling with what she wanted for a few months prior, and it finally led to that point. I didn't want to, this whole thing wasn't mutual, but we did.

At the end of the break, in early July, we got together for an evening and talked about where we stood. She decided that she no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me. She no longer really wanted to be in a relationship at all, for the time being. We were together for 6 years, beginning in High School when I was a Junior and she a Sophomore.

So we spent the evening together, and then I left.

For about a month, into early August, I maintained contact with her. Brief contact mostly, only seeing each other on the occasion. I still wanted to believe that we could figure it out, after all I wasn't ready to fully just end it even though I had been preparing for it and easing into that reality. Honestly, it was a bad decision. While I was working on myself the entire time (basically starting at the break I decided that I would do what I can to just simply improve myself for myself) I still felt crummy about the situation.

Finally, middish to late August I'd say, I cut ties pretty much completely. I told her that I just couldn't do it anymore. She said she understood, and said goodbye.

Everything led up to that point: I had been mentally preparing for the 100% end for months, and finally came to realize that for my own sake that I just had to completely sever the last string. And since doing that, I've continued to work on myself and I feel so much better in general. My general outlook is much improved, and I feel like a weight has been lifted. I still care for her as a person, she never truly wronged me in the 6 years we were together, but she chose to leave me and I finally did what I had to in order to move on I guess. I don't dislike her, but in mid September I finally became "okay" with what has happened.

To provide some examples of what I've been doing for myself since June:

1) I've lost a bunch of weight, healthily. (This started earlier than June, though).
2) I started going to the gym (which leads to point #1, obviously.
3) I've improved my wardrobe and overall image.
4) I have my own place now.
5) I worked for, and got, a promotion at work.

And all of that lead to a massive boost in my confidence and self image.

So yes, I can endorse 110% the idea of simply working on yourself as much as you can and you will come out okay. Seriously, for a little while I was in a huge rut. I didn't know what to do, and had felt that I had hit bottom. But I soon realized that I didn't want this to destroy my life, or keep me from being happy any longer. Trust me, as the saying goes: If I could do it, any of you could do it.

In terms of how this has affected my "ability" to interact with the opposite gender, I've never really had much of an issue with that in the first place. I've always had a great diversity of friends both men and women. One thing that I can say is that because I was in a relationship for 6 years, I feel as though I'm rusty on the idea of approaching girls for dates but that will come in time with work.

In fact there is a girl that I really enjoy being around who works for the same company that I do but not at my location (so wouldn't cause any issues). I'm gonna give it a shot, GAF. What is there to lose?

 

[electricshake]

I wish there were girls in my classes, I'm studying aerospace engineering so there's only like one girl in all my classes and she already has a boyfriend.

I know the feeling - wish I was doing something that wasn't majority girls (I study biology)

Can't help but notice that 'Confidence is King' is still in the OP.

Atrocious.

How is this atrocious? I can't imagine being attracted to someone who didn't have at least some self-confidence.

 

[zatara]

well if any of you read my older posts you already know the backstory, well i decided to end it today. i can't get over the lies and it would just make things worse if we kept at it. so i told her over the phone, she knew i was upset and i couldn't hold it back anymore.

she hung up on me then texted me 10 mins later saying she is crying and getting drunk and then says "not like it matters anyway"..."fuck life"


this shit is hard

 

[Kung Fu Grip]

Because it's missing the point, Dan. The point is not the binary "virgin/not virgin," and the point is not even about getting off. It goes beyond that. The label is just indicative of someone's inability to interact with people romantically and sexually.

Losing your virginity to a prostitute isn't going to "fix" you, and it's not going to be anything like the real thing. Being with someone who doesn't want you and is just faking everything and not getting wet, and you knowing all that, is not going to be much different than using a fleshlight.

You'll still be you after putting your dick into a girl, just probably resenting yourself for having that as your first experience for the rest of your life, and possibly headed down the path where you replace your desire for romantic involvement with just paying for sex and being alone, having convinced yourself that you've avoided all the terrible pitfalls of dating and compromise and emotional pain.

Your problems are fixable, Dan, but not by shelling out some cash to have your Virgin label scraped off; you need to stop hating yourself and viewing your position as untenable, because it's not.

I know this post is old EvilLore but i just wanted to quote it because you were 100% correct. Reading this over made my eyes a little wet. It really is missing the point. I really need to do something about myself. I just don't know what. I don't even think theres anything i really to work on beside just learning how to approach women.

What a waste of money. But i don't resent myself because that experience was easily forgettable. Thank god. So much so that i still feel like, and consider myself, a virgin. It really didn't feel like sex at all. No feeling. Over in a flash. It's like nothing happened.

I was hesitant to post this, but what the fuck. I needed to say it. Im glad i did what i did because now i know that shit is not for me. If i didn't do it i would of kept worrying about it day in and day out. Now it's over with. Now i need to work on myself so i can go out there and get a real women and have a real sexual experience and relationship.

You live and learn.

 

[Devolution]

It shouldn't be there at all, Devo. Confidence is a direct result of investing in yourself, to suggest that you can just obtain it regardless of your current state does more harm than good.

The vast amount of problems I've seen in here don't even have to do with where someone is in their life, it's just down and out depression and getting down on themselves for not being Brad Pitt, making 100k+ and driving a ferrari. It's all very self-defeating and will never get them anywhere because you don't need these things to acquire a girlfriend. You need to be social though and not a meek blithering debbie downer or else you won't get anywhere. That's what I see as the point of confidence is king. Some people don't get this until they are making more money or in gym physique but they had the capability to be a more upbeat positive person all along if they weren't busy shitting on themselves every chance they get.

A date doesn't go right or they get rejected and they're back on the "I must just suck" bandwagon instead of realizing no one gets this shit perfect, no one.

 

[zethren]

@Kung Fu Grip:

What's done is done.

Like you said, live and learn. Go out there and work on yourself man. Don't work on your "game" or how to approach girls, work on you. Trust me, it will go a long way in making you feel better about yourself. I just went through transitioning from what was once a happy relationship, to a total rut where I was a mess and didn't know what to do, to then finally being okay and then even better. That psychological transition from "rut" to "okay" would not have been possible if I didn't avert all energy and time into me, myself and I and bettering my life.

Our situations are different, yes. But what you can do is the same as what I was able to do. It is so freeing and wonderful to say that I am once again proud of who I am and what I am and how I got to where I am. Especially after, as I said in my post above, feeling as though I had hit an emotional bottom.

It's the same old tune man, you've heard it a thousand times over in this thread:

-Go to the gym.
-Get in shape if you aren't.
-Adjust to a healthier diet (you'd be amazed at how this affects your mental outlook).
-Pride yourself in your work if you do work and strive to do the best you can. If you're in school, the same can be applied here. Working hard and seeing the success is wonderful.
-Work on your outer image, buy yourself some new clothes. You'll feel good, and get tons of compliments.

I can list those off with absolute confidence because I have done every single one of those that I have listed above and it is, again, what made it possible for me to be okay and then even better than okay. My confidence and sense of self is back to where it used to be, and honestly even better.

Working on yourself is the absolute most important thing you can be doing right now, and great things will start happening to you once you do. Trust me.