Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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Anastacio said:
Just a general question, is it generally a good idea to at least hang out with another girl right after a break up?
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No one can answer this better than you. I went on a date and brought a girl home a week after my break up, it was definitely fun and I'd likely do it again but in a lot of ways I know I wasn't ready to be bringing new girls into my life.
 
Anastacio said:
Just a general question, is it generally a good idea to at least hang out with another girl right after a break up?
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Do what you need to do to get over your ex, but directly after the breakup I wouldn't advise hooking up or anything of that nature. You need time to grieve, time to recognize who you are on your own, and depending immediately on another girl for emotional support may not be the best course of action.

That's my opinion of course, but in whatever you do I wish you best my friend. It's hard, but we've all been through it.
 
Anastacio said:
Just a general question, is it generally a good idea to at least hang out with another girl right after a break up?
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Case by case basis. A hang out is fine, but immediately after, I would be wary of anything "dating" or "physical."

After a few weeks...a little distance and no contact...Game on. (but again, case by case).
 
I am crushing for her hard, I know and I hate it. When I think of her I hear opera music coming from the toilet. I'm ass-over-teakettle for this girl, and every time I'm with her I don't know whether to shit or go blind.


Log4Girlz said:
She made out with another co-worker? Dude, she's not into you.
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As someone else pointed out, it ain't any of my beeswax, but he hates her guts because she's cold, hard to read, and speaks her mind good or bad; mostly bad as he suggests. Whereas she describes him as someone who, "no matter how you feel, he'll make you feel like shit and worsen your day." It was alcohol (as she rarely gets drunk). Last time I got wasted, I made out with a ditz who was just not my type... regrettable? Sure. At the time? Drunken fun.

Ghost_Protocol said:
You ever have those days where you wake up with confidence through the roof, and inexplicably, it disappears the next day? And then it randomly reappears a few days later?

Why the fuck does that happen?
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I've been really schizophrenic that way. One day, I can talk about anything and everything with such wit and canter, that I'm top of the world! Others, I'm a soulless meat puppet with nothing to say. I think it was to do with my sleeping pattern, as when I'm tired I always seem have a grey cloud over me, figuratively and literally (dat pathetic fallacy...) Energy levels, man!

Perspicacity said:
I don't think you understand what mixed signals means. Most of this can really only be interpreted one way, it's not like she's going to hang a "Fuck Me" sign around her neck just to make it perfectly god damn clear.
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Yes, originally I wanted to post about actual mixed signals, but while writing the whole tirade it gravitated towards more positive moments. I mean, besides some brow-raising body language she imposes, like closing herself off (leaning back, reserved) most of the time we're finishing each other's sentences, she undoes her ponytail as we chat, we poke, shove and all that jazz, etcetera.

vctor182 said:
This, do it. Good luck.
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Gaf can really warm the heart sometimes. Will try my best.
 
Senoculum - When we say "take action" it's meant quite literally. Don't lay out your feelings for her with some poetic speech, that shit will scare her off. Just kiss the girl when it feels right and take it from there.
 
Perspicacity said:
Senoculum - When we say "take action" it's meant quite literally. Don't lay out your feelings for her with some poetic speech, that shit will scare her off. Just kiss the girl when it feels right and take it from there.
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Yes. This. You've been thinking too much as it is. Don't talk, kiss. Plenty of time for talking afterwards if the kiss doesn't work. When she cuddled up to you and put her head on your shoulder? She was expecting you to kiss her.

edit: DON'T SAY LOVE
 
pigeon said:
Yes. This. You've been thinking too much as it is. Don't talk, kiss. Plenty of time for talking afterwards if the kiss doesn't work. When she cuddled up to you and put her head on your shoulder? She was expecting you to kiss her.

edit: DON'T SAY LOVE
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Exactly. Stop planning, when you get the chance just steal her a kiss.
 
Found out a girl who I thought I shared real chemistry with doesn't like me in the same way.

It sounds childish but I'm actually quite sad..
 
I find that the best thing that works is treating her like one of your guy friends, in the sense of don't think of her as someone you're trying to obtain, but be a little flirty with her. If she doesn't seem to mind, you're good to push harder.
 
Alright, I'm getting lady visit in an hour. It's the first time we meet and we're gonna watch movies, play cards and she's staying here till the morning. Kind of nervous as to what to talk about.
 
Senoculum said:
The situation:
I've been hanging out with a coworker, who's on a working visa. We work on the same floor, different departments. She's actually an amazing human being, and is the single biggest inspiration for me this year. Though I summoned courage to finally talk to her in May, I had a 2.5 month trip. I've returned and so these last 3 months have been something...

I don't know how to keep the story short. But I'll try.

We started hanging out almost every weekend. In Toronto, there was almost always something to do; TIFF, Nuit Blanche, casual drinking here and there, and plus she's been to my house twice to watch movies with wine. I'm taking her to Wonderland, a theme park this saturday (she's never been to one).

But none of these were or are considered "dates."

Who she is:
Me being flirty and confident is not a problem when we're one-on-one. She's actually an alpha-female and sort of fills the assertive role when we're together. She likes hanging around males because females are too catty for her. She admits that's she's not the most sociable because she speaks her mind without thinking on the consequences. She also fears for her future, she has doubts, and among other things her imperfections make me fall for her more. I think she's not ready for a relationship... or fears commitment, as am I.

The mixed signals:
She'd compliment me often. First time she was at my place, we cuddled and held hands. During Nuit Blanche, we would hook arms and she'd lay her head on my shoulder. I'm told by friends that my influence on her is there. For example, ever since we followed each other on twitter, she'd tweet more (compare 70 tweets over a few years to an additional 40-50 in the past two months) she's used it more as a private way to converse with me. Hell, her cover photo on Facebook is Journey the game after I showed it her (she's not a gamer, but allows me to rant about em). And now her most anticipated movie is Cloud Atlas (which is mine, which I saw already with someone else). But most importantly, she mentioned how her life can be defined as two eras, before she met me, and after.


My mistakes:
Early on I was losing it because I was inviting her to almost everything I was doing. She'd flake, naturally, and I tried my best to shrug it off. I'd visit her in her office often (mine isn't secluded, it's open and shared) and we'd chat about sweet nothings. But as of late, I've ran out of things to say, I blank out. And I fear that I bore her. I've reduced the amount of visits now. I also come across as clingy perhaps, predictable too, and also "fake" as I try to impress her with my stories (which aren't.... great to begin with). And in the off chance she visits me in my office area, my social skills take a dive, because she's talking amongst coworkers who know I have a crush for her, so I tense up, try to show face, but I'm not winning. Quite frankly, I'm convinced she knows I like her without me have actually said.

At one moment when I was in her office, a lady coworker passes by and says, "hey, lovers!"

Fuck, I'm too obvious.

The conflict:
She's returning to her family in mid-December. She left behind an ex, who for some reason I believe she still has feelings... But two things:

First, she dated someone early this year but broke it off because she wasn't interested. She told him, "I was kinda already seeing someone." Which I assumed was her ex, thinking that maybe they're in an open relationship as she travels.

Second, sometime in the middle of all this, her and I and another coworker went out for drinks. He's older than the both of us. He's had his fair share of stories of past flings. And maybe it was the alcohol, maybe his stories got her hot, and maybe I was being a wallflower during the whole exchange (he was very commanding in the convo), in the end, they made out after I left for home. She hasn't told me.

This was right before the first weekend of October (our original wonderland day). My friend girl suggested I cancel on her, a taste of her own medicine. I did, and it seemingly worked as she'd tweet, "Wonderland!, When?" a few days later.

The Question:
We're going to Wonderland (specifically Halloween Haunt) tomorrow. Should I let her know how I feel? Should I just kiss her? She definitely values our friendship, but I'll regret not getting it off my chest before she leaves. What's there to gain? Well, I'm travelling next year and she's invited me to visit her. Maybe I can get confirmation that she feels the same way. What's the worst case scenario? She doesn't feel the same way, which will be fine, because then I know. It'll just be an awkward two months.

Her reality is closing fast, and I want to act.
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Okay. So a few things.

1. Doesn't sound like you've been with a lot of women, if I'm wrong please correct me - this isn't a slight against you (I haven't been with all too many either) but I am assuming that because it explains some of your feelings in this post.

2. This woman is not interested in you - don't read too much in the little things, like her tweeting more often. If something like that is of any significance to you, it just highlights how little there is of significance between you two.

3. She made out with that co-worker probably because he made a move on her, and he did it right. You've been trying your hardest to get 'close' to her for so long, after being too afraid to talk to her for so long - there is no sexuality or romanticism involved. This co-worker probably isn't that close to her, doesn't try to talk to her all the time, doesn't try to awkwardly impress her and just 'went for it' as it were.

4. Don't put all your eggs in one basket - this girl is not for you, not in any permanent way at least. She is nice, she probably talks to you and is friendly, but that isn't significant enough for her to be such a large part of your life. Don't expect anything from her, you should be moving on now - before she's even gone.

5. At BEST, you might have a fling with this girl - but I wouldn't even recommend that with the story you've told me. Your best chance of having a fling with this girl would involve you
A) Talking to her dramatically less
B) Not sounding eager when you do
C) Play up whatever personality strength you have when you do (if it's humour, great - if that's not your strength don't even try, it'll hurt more than it helps)
D) Being upfront about how you find her attractive, but don't make a big deal about it. This is the biggest problem because you ACTUALLY have to not care about her reaction. I wanna give an example of what I mean, but it's pointless as I don't want to give you bad advice, and the delivery depends on the person, you can't do what I would do and have it work necessarily, and it's also extremely contextual.

BASICALLY, let her go, move on, it's not for you and take whatever lessons you can from this. Take my advice above, and apply to any other girls you want to talk to in the future - but don't wait 3 months, while you are all the while falling 'in love' with this girl or something, only to get shot down and get devastated. Move quick, ask them out for drinks, tell them you think they look damn good but don't act like you really care about what she thinks about you saying that - etc. Just go out there and start really laying your cards on the table more honestly.
 
Ghost_Protocol said:
You ever have those days where you wake up with confidence through the roof, and inexplicably, it disappears the next day? And then it randomly reappears a few days later?

Why the fuck does that happen?
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Happens to me during the same day. Sometimes I wake up feeling great, not thinking about what a failure I am, how I'll always be alone and those kind of negative/depressive thoughts, and begin the day with a smile. But after a while loneliness and feelings of worthlessness start sinking in again and I feel like shit.

The worst part is that it happens at random. I may be reading about something completely unrelated here on GAF, and suddenly the feeling pops in my mind and won't go away. It sucks.
I suck.
 
Dark FaZe said:
Staying until the morning for a first date?

What the fuck?

If you don't hit it..
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Yeah. She's kind of shy. We are watching Zombieville and Vampires Suck. There's only one room here with the sofa and bed put together. I just said I'm sleepy but I don't know how to get her to lie down beside me. We haven't touched each other yet. Also she's going to France on Tuesday so it's kind of a first and last time anyway I guess, unless I go to France afterward.

Give me some tips. I have been talking most of the night but its kind of boring as she don't talk much.
 
Anastacio said:
Yeah. She's kind of shy. We are watching Zombieville and Vampires Suck. There's only one room here with the sofa and bed put together. I just said I'm sleepy but I don't know how to get her to lie down beside me. We haven't touched each other yet. Also she's going to France on Tuesday so it's kind of a first and last time anyway I guess, unless I go to France afterward.

Give me some tips. I have been talking most of the night but its kind of boring as she don't talk much.
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The hell is this..

Here's a tip, put your hand on her's and see if she freaks the fuck out. If she does you might as well kick her out now so you can salvage some gaming time.
 
Anastacio said:
Yeah. She's kind of shy. We are watching Zombieville and Vampires Suck. There's only one room here with the sofa and bed put together. I just said I'm sleepy but I don't know how to get her to lie down beside me. We haven't touched each other yet. Also she's going to France on Tuesday so it's kind of a first and last time anyway I guess, unless I go to France afterward.

Give me some tips. I have been talking most of the night but its kind of boring as she don't talk much.
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Put your arm around her.
 
Anastacio said:
There's like pillows between us on the sofa. We're just laughing at the movie.
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Anastacio said:
There's like pillows between us on the sofa. We're just laughing at the movie.
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What the fuck was your plan that you put pillows between you two?

Get up and get a drink, sit down next to her instead of on the other side of the pillows.

Then get up, go to the bathroom, and post on your phone again informing us of how things are developing.
 
We're now sleeping in my bed but she have her back to me and there's a bit of distance and we got clothes on. What a FAIL night. :(

She's way too shy.
 
Who is this girl. What the fuck did she want from you? A place to stay? Is she homeless?
 
That was the most awkward thing I ever read.

And why the hell would you post updates on GAF in the middle of a "date"?

Next time on GAF: "So...we're um...in the missionary position right now and it's pretty nice, but how to I get her to go cowgirl on me?"
 
UFRA said:
That was the most awkward thing I ever read.

And why the hell would you post updates on GAF in the middle of a "date"?

Next time on GAF: "So...we're um...in the missionary position right now and it's pretty nice, but how to I get her to go cowgirl on me?"
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I don't think we have to worry about that happening this time.
 
Guys, no need to rag on him, lol. Anastacio - any time a girl comes over like that, make some kind of move. Any kind, doesn't have to be straight to sex. :) She's shy because she's waiting for you to do something - unless she really just wants to watch movies.

But that doesn't happen. Good luck. :)
 
This is the first time you've ever met and now she's laying in your bed. She's just waiting for you to make a move and you're too busy posting on GAF. Incredible.

Poke her back with your dick. Chicks love that. She'll get the idea.
 
Her move was coming over to your place to begin with. She's already made her move. Yes, this ends up being untrue sometimes, but it's on you to find out by making a move.

She's basically waiting for you to be like "oh wait, why yes I DO have some testicles."

This is incredibly painful because I made the same mistakes as a young lad.
 
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