Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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akira28 said:
Hi guys. What if that small bout of fear and anxiety? If it was actually excitement and exhilaration instead and you're just improperly addressing the surge of adrenaline, which makes you nervous instead of tuned in and turned on?
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Yes, I mentioned this a few posts back. Rename it Approach Excitement instead because it is very far from the medical definition of anxiety for 99/100 guys most likely. And stop wanting to get something from every girl you see. Let good things come to you, no matter where you are in life.
 
Obligatory:

congrats_on_the_sex_by_musicrocks852-d3hh2l8.jpg
 
So I met an awesome girl at a party the other night. And apparently she really dug me considering she followed me around and we talked for most of the night. She added me on Facebook during the party. I tried talking to her the next day but we didn't conversate very long. How do I tell if she's really into me or if it was just the booze?( though she seemed pretty sober or could hide being drunk really well) Should I straoght up ask her to go for drinks or something?
 
NIGHT- said:
So I met an awesome girl at a party the other night. And apparently she really dug me considering she followed me around and we talked for most of the night. She added me on Facebook during the party. I tried talking to her the next day but we didn't conversate very long. How do I tell if she's really into me or if it was just the booze?( though she seemed pretty sober or could hide being drunk really well) Should I straoght up ask her to go for drinks or something?
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Well that's an easy one.

Yes.
 
Mush said:
I don't think I've ever posted in one of these threads before. Hi y'all.

How do I improve at this sex thing? I lost my virginity the other night to a girl that I had only met once prior and after a bit of work by a mutual friend we started talking etc etc. We were at a costume party held by said mutual friend to which I had no agendas other to have fun. The girl in question had been making attempts to strike up conversation and stuff but I was too stupid to see that she was interested in me. Quite early on in the piece the mutual friend pulled me aside and basically said "Look, she has told me she thinks you're cute SO GO FUCKING TALK TO HER" which I really needed as I am really socially awkward and stuff.

So we ended up talking and getting together privately in a room and started talking which eventually led to making out. A lot. Afterwards we left the safety of our little quiet place and mingled some more but then we decided to retreat to somewhere private and we started making out again.

I wasn't so sure about the whole thing as I thought maybe we should give it time and she asked me if I was using her to loose my virgin card (I wasn't). She originally offered to blow me but I was so paranoid and scared about it being my first time and shit (no I haven't been blown prior) so I declined and we just kept making out. We initially said no sex but since we were both so horny it just happened anyway. I think I was alright, as she knew it was my first time but I had no idea what I was doing so she did most of the work. I think it was the way were positioned (I was sitting down while she was on my lap) and terribleness of my lovemaking but my diddle kept "falling out". She said this is common?

Needless to say, the mutual friend is pretty chuffed with her work.
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Damn you man, I hate you. Not really, congrats man, how old are you if I may ask?
 
Mush said:
I don't think I've ever posted in one of these threads before. Hi y'all.

How do I improve at this sex thing? I lost my virginity the other night to a girl that I had only met once prior and after a bit of work by a mutual friend we started talking etc etc. We were at a costume party held by said mutual friend to which I had no agendas other to have fun. The girl in question had been making attempts to strike up conversation and stuff but I was too stupid to see that she was interested in me. Quite early on in the piece the mutual friend pulled me aside and basically said "Look, she has told me she thinks you're cute SO GO FUCKING TALK TO HER" which I really needed as I am really socially awkward and stuff.

So we ended up talking and getting together privately in a room and started talking which eventually led to making out. A lot. Afterwards we left the safety of our little quiet place and mingled some more but then we decided to retreat to somewhere private and we started making out again.

I wasn't so sure about the whole thing as I thought maybe we should give it time and she asked me if I was using her to loose my virgin card (I wasn't). She originally offered to blow me but I was so paranoid and scared about it being my first time and shit (no I haven't been blown prior) so I declined and we just kept making out. We initially said no sex but since we were both so horny it just happened anyway. I think I was alright, as she knew it was my first time but I had no idea what I was doing so she did most of the work. I think it was the way were positioned (I was sitting down while she was on my lap) and terribleness of my lovemaking but my diddle kept "falling out". She said this is common?

Needless to say, the mutual friend is pretty chuffed with her work.
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Nice.
 
Mush said:
I don't think I've ever posted in one of these threads before. Hi y'all.

How do I improve at this sex thing? I lost my virginity the other night to a girl that I had only met once prior and after a bit of work by a mutual friend we started talking etc etc. We were at a costume party held by said mutual friend to which I had no agendas other to have fun. The girl in question had been making attempts to strike up conversation and stuff but I was too stupid to see that she was interested in me. Quite early on in the piece the mutual friend pulled me aside and basically said "Look, she has told me she thinks you're cute SO GO FUCKING TALK TO HER" which I really needed as I am really socially awkward and stuff.

So we ended up talking and getting together privately in a room and started talking which eventually led to making out. A lot. Afterwards we left the safety of our little quiet place and mingled some more but then we decided to retreat to somewhere private and we started making out again.

I wasn't so sure about the whole thing as I thought maybe we should give it time and she asked me if I was using her to loose my virgin card (I wasn't). She originally offered to blow me but I was so paranoid and scared about it being my first time and shit (no I haven't been blown prior) so I declined and we just kept making out. We initially said no sex but since we were both so horny it just happened anyway. I think I was alright, as she knew it was my first time but I had no idea what I was doing so she did most of the work. I think it was the way were positioned (I was sitting down while she was on my lap) and terribleness of my lovemaking but my diddle kept "falling out". She said this is common?

Needless to say, the mutual friend is pretty chuffed with her work.
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Congrats Mushy.

That's a pretty hot position to have your first time in lol. And yeah, in that position it's more likely to slip out. Don't feel like you did bad because of that...
 
I got the number of a girl I've talked to a few times at the gym I work at. When should I call/text her to go on a date? And what the heck should we do?? She's only 20 (I'm 21).

I'm good at getting a girl to talk to me, but once I get her number it's usually all downhill.
 
UFRA said:
Congrats Mushy.

That's a pretty hot position to have your first time in lol. And yeah, in that position it's more likely to slip out. Don't feel like you did bad because of that...
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Cheers man! Boy am I relieved now, I had a range of theories from her being loose or something to me just lacking in... size. I don't watch enough porn to know the competition. :lol
JokerOfSpades said:
Nice.
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Thanks dude.
maxxpower said:
Damn you man, I hate you. Not really, congrats man, how old are you if I may ask?
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Nearly halfway to 21. And I was 100% sober to boot!
 
Got an email from my ex, been 7 months since we spoke (5 years together). The whole point of her email was just to tell me she was concerned about me because of Sandy, that's cool and all, but I could have died in a freak accident long before Sandy, so really what's the point?
 
Some people are touched in the head. There was a girl I occasionally spoke to on IM. A bit of flirting. That's it. We haven't spoken in a few weeks and she messages me just going "I love you". Err...ok? Then she asks if I don't like her anymore, and I say I've been busy and a lot of my time has been with this girl I met. She loses her shit and starts saying I'm "just like all the others" and how I'm such a jerk. I've never even met this crazy chick and she's acting like I just told her I cheated on her. It never even moved past casual IM chatting. Wtf is wrong with some people?
 
Darklord said:
Some people are touched in the head. There was a girl I occasionally spoke to on IM. A bit of flirting. That's it. We haven't spoken in a few weeks and she messages me just going "I love you". Err...ok? Then she asks if I don't like her anymore, and I say I've been busy and a lot of my time has been with this girl I met. She loses her shit and starts saying I'm "just like all the others" and how I'm such a jerk. I've never even met this crazy chick and she's acting like I just told her I cheated on her. It never even moved past casual IM chatting. Wtf is wrong with some people?
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How did you meet her?
 
Log4Girlz said:
How did you meet her?
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I think originally it was off some social app thing and we got chatting on that. She also lives in another country so I'm not sure what she was expecting. I was trying to be nice at the start but I started getting pissed off how snarky and over dramatic she got over it.

Thank god the girl I'm seeing now has none of that crazy in her. Well...I hope.
 
Darklord said:
I think originally it was off some social app thing and we got chatting on that. She also lives in another country so I'm not sure what she was expecting. I was trying to be nice at the start but I started getting pissed off how snarky and over dramatic she got over it.

Thank god the girl I'm seeing now has none of that crazy in her. Well...I hope.
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Yeah that's just crazy. I had one girl get dumb with me...but I knew her in person...and made out with her after playing spin the bottle (I never wanted to play but whatevs). At least we had contact lol.
 
Minamu said:
OT4 should be named "Being a virgin is not a big deal no matter what your age is".
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But is it true? I used to feel pretty bad about it, until I did it for the first time last year. Now it's been more than a year since my last time happened (I can count them all with one hand, damn), and I'm feeling just like when I was a virgin. That is, I'll never be with another girl and all that. So I'd say personally it's kind of a big deal, though it may not be that way for everyone.
 
Like it or not, being a virgin is a stigma. It's up to you not to let it bother you/control your life, though. Your sexual conquests are not indicative of your worth.
 
RionaaM said:
But is it true? I used to feel pretty bad about it, until I did it for the first time last year. Now it's been more than a year since my last time happened (I can count them all with one hand, damn), and I'm feeling just like when I was a virgin. That is, I'll never be with another girl and all that. So I'd say personally it's kind of a big deal, though it may not be that way for everyone.
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But you just proved my point, didn't you? :) That is, getting laid didn't solve anything, you're not any happier now than before. So it wasn't the second coming of Jesus in the end. Thus, people and society make it important even though it isn't. I was actually feeling the same way about a year after simply because I learned nothing from it and couldn't find a second girl who'd be willing to have sex.
 
Minamu said:
But you just proved my point, didn't you? :) That is, getting laid didn't solve anything, you're not any happier now than before. So it wasn't the second coming of Jesus in the end. Thus, people and society make it important even though it isn't. I was actually feeling the same way about a year after simply because I learned nothing from it and couldn't find a second girl who'd be willing to have sex.
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Yes, but before I got laid I had no idea how it would be like, or that it wouldn't change how I was. And I was really looking forward to it, and hoping it would happen soon. Maybe it's true that the obsession for sex is something modern society imposes in all of us, but that doesn't make it less real.

That's what I hate the most, not having learned anything from it. I'm still stupid as fuck when it comes to women, I feel like I took several steps backwards instead.
 
Went on a date last night bowling. The lanes were temporarily closed so we spent an hour at the nearby bar chatting. Really cool girl. She's older (28 to my 21, Bachelor's with a real job to my no degree with part-time job, plenty of experience with guys to my virgin) but we still found a lot of common ground in the books/movies/stuff we like and had a good time. The actual bowling was kinda boring so I made a point to only play two rounds. I did the whole joking thing/giving her high fives/light touching (sounds so lame and creepy when I type it out) but it wasn't as natural or fun as at the bar. Ended the night just hugging her good night, unsure if I should've gone for the kiss, I probably should have.

This is the second time we've hung out, met her at a Halloween party. She definitely likes me and was flirtatious, but don't think she's REALLY into me. I think I'll wait and see if she gets back to me.

Silver lining is that it was cheap (spent $20 on everything) and I got a little experience. Hadn't been on a date since March, and had my heart broken in April so gettin' myself to get back into things, tryin' to live life and stay positive :)
 
I also went bowling this past Saturday. I decided against going to the pizza place after like I mentioned in my last post. We had some drinks, talked and bowled for a few hours. Things went well and we agreed to see each other again. She text me saying that she was looking forward to seeing me again.

I know I'm probably over thinking things, but would a Wed or Thurs second date be too soon, even if it fits her schedule better? She wouldn't have to work the following days. She is also fine with going out on nights when she does have to work the following day, so the weekend isn't out of the question. GAF, wut do?

Thanks!
 
Minamu said:
But you just proved my point, didn't you? :) That is, getting laid didn't solve anything, you're not any happier now than before. So it wasn't the second coming of Jesus in the end. Thus, people and society make it important even though it isn't. I was actually feeling the same way about a year after simply because I learned nothing from it and couldn't find a second girl who'd be willing to have sex.
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Actually..it'd be the third coming of Jesus. And the end of the world.

I ain't hating, but is bowling really a go to date after high school? I'm honestly surprised young people even do it anymore.
 
worldrevolution said:
Actually..it'd be the third coming of Jesus. And the end of the world.

I ain't hating, but is bowling really a go to date after high school? I'm honestly surprised young people even do it anymore.
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It works because its not a relatively normal activity for the vast majority of us. Plus its cheap, only requires moderate involvement which allows for talking, and most people aren't great so it never has to really be competitive.
 
worldrevolution said:
I ain't hating, but is bowling really a go to date after high school? I'm honestly surprised young people even do it anymore.
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I do it out of necessity. My options in my town are

- Bowling
- Hiking/Picnic (weather dependent)
- Movie
- Restaurant
- Bar

These are the only options. Every now and then a concert comes by and the airshow is once a year. There's also a water park with 3 slides 30 minutes outside of town. What do people do in the city? Museums? Shows? Bicycle riding? Art galleries? Amusement parks? Walks through parks and other nice parts of town? Psssssh must be nice. First thing I'm doing in 2014 is moving lol. The nicest part of my town is a military base where they have a marketplace for the soldiers' families.
 
Sub_Level said:
I do it out of necessity. My options in my town are

- Bowling
- Hiking/Picnic (weather dependent)
- Movie
- Restaurant
- Bar

These are the only options. Every now and then a concert comes by and the airshow is once a year. There's also a water park with 3 slides 30 minutes outside of town. What do people do in the city? Museums? Shows? Bicycle riding? Art galleries? Amusement parks? Walks through parks and other nice parts of town? Psssssh must be nice. First thing I'm doing in 2014 is moving lol. The nicest part of my town is a military base where they have a marketplace for the soldiers' families.
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I know that pain.
 
Smiles, all day, everyday. Don't let the most recent fuck-up hold any of you down. She's not worth it. On to the next one.
 
Sub_Level said:
Went on a date last night bowling. The lanes were temporarily closed so we spent an hour at the nearby bar chatting. Really cool girl. She's older (28 to my 21, Bachelor's with a real job to my no degree with part-time job, plenty of experience with guys to my virgin) but we still found a lot of common ground in the books/movies/stuff we like and had a good time. The actual bowling was kinda boring so I made a point to only play two rounds. I did the whole joking thing/giving her high fives/light touching (sounds so lame and creepy when I type it out) but it wasn't as natural or fun as at the bar. Ended the night just hugging her good night, unsure if I should've gone for the kiss, I probably should have.

This is the second time we've hung out, met her at a Halloween party. She definitely likes me and was flirtatious, but don't think she's REALLY into me. I think I'll wait and see if she gets back to me.

Silver lining is that it was cheap (spent $20 on everything) and I got a little experience. Hadn't been on a date since March, and had my heart broken in April so gettin' myself to get back into things, tryin' to live life and stay positive :)
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Ok, good.

Now you go out with her again VERY soon and if THAT date doesnt end with a kiss (no attraction/age/whatev), nbd, well you know itll be your LAST date with her and move on to next girl. OR even be friends if you like. I dont do that.

EDIT - And dont ever call it a "date" until youre already romantically involved with her in some way. Say something like, "Would you like to come hang out and ... with me?" or "Would you like to go ... with me?" "Even if its just a place to be alone and talk (lol makeout)."
 
abuC said:
Got an email from my ex, been 7 months since we spoke (5 years together). The whole point of her email was just to tell me she was concerned about me because of Sandy, that's cool and all, but I could have died in a freak accident long before Sandy, so really what's the point?
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Well, just got into a big argument with her, nice. I was informed that she still loves me and will always love me, but has a new boyfriend of 2 weeks. I did not want to get back with her, but I didn't want to know that either, while I'm happy for her I don't understand how she could think any good would come from us speaking in general. The last thing she said to me was "whatever" so you know it's real.
 
RionaaM said:
What if there's no next one?
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That's not a good road of thought to go down because it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You shouldn't delude yourself with artificial hope, but there's really no reason to think that you'll never find anybody. The real delusion in this case is artificial hopelessness. I've felt that way too and so do tons of other guys but it just leads to a bitter, sad shell of a man and there's no need to live that way.

So chill, be patient, stay positive, and most importantly go out there. Because every single little bit of luck I've had with women (and I don't have much experience with women lol) has started with the decision to leave my room and not dwell on past failures. It takes a little strength, but I think it can be fun too :) also there's a depression thread here on gaf as well if ya need some help or perspective with that.
 
Sub_Level said:
That's not a good road of thought to go down because it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. You shouldn't delude yourself with artificial hope, but there's really no reason to think that you'll never find anybody. The real delusion in this case is artificial hopelessness. I've felt that way too and so do tons of other guys but it just leads to a bitter, sad shell of a man and there's no need to live that way.

So chill, be patient, stay positive, and most importantly go out there. Because every single little bit of luck I've had with women (and I don't have much experience with women lol) has started with the decision to leave my room and not dwell on past failures. It takes a little strength, but I think it can be fun too :) also there's a depression thread here on gaf as well if ya need some help or perspective with that.
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I know this, I get this advice and it's true, this is the right thing to do. But I still can't bring myself to do it. I can't stop being negative, as I don't have an actual reason to be positive. It's so true that I'm bitter as fuck, and I hate being this way, I don't want to grow into an old man, full of regret and having wasted his life.

The problem is that I don't have anyone to go out with. It's been weeks since I last saw my friends, and a couple of them already have girlfriends and go out with them instead. Or we just hang out at one of their houses, so we never go to bars or clubs or anything where I could try meeting new people. I'm also terrible at socializing, I don't know how to start a conversation or break the ice.

Yeah, I sometimes read the depression thread, but I usually end up worse, though I tend to get good advice from the people there.


Cubsfan23 said:
what if there is (and hundreds more) and you're sabotaging yourself?
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If there is, I definitely haven't met her yet, lol. I'm trying to be somewhat optimistic, but it becomes harder and harder each passing day.
 
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