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Gay and Bisexual thread |OT2|Bears and Twinks and Otters. Oh My!

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Rm88~ said:
He shouldn't insist, though, you don't have to be friends with those guys if you don't want to.
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i agree with that, i wouldn't make him hang out with anyone of my friends that will make him physically uncomfortable. I mean i become noticeably uncomfortable, agitated and withdrawn around them...

but he's worth it so i may still go therapy even after letting him know.

he always says after we leave "are you ok?" and i always say something to the effect of "look, these just aren't my kind of people..." and then it happens all over again the next night... i say no, you go hang with them, really, id rather not. he insists and i join knowing full well what its going to do to me :(
 
Go319 said:
i agree with that, i wouldn't make him hang out with anyone of my friends that will make him physically uncomfortable. I mean i become noticeably uncomfortable, agitated and withdrawn around them...

but he's worth it so i may still go therapy even after letting him know.

he always says after we leave "are you ok?" and i always say something to the effect of "look, these just aren't my kind of people..." and then it happens all over again the next night... i say no, you go hang with them, really, id rather not. he insists and i join knowing full well what its going to do to me :(
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Regardless of if you tell him or not I would highly recommend finding a therapist and working through the anxiety you get from meeting people you don't like.

I understand that people talking about a single subject (i.e. getting wasted and hooking up) can get old rather fast if that's all they ever talk about, but you getting anxious and having it affect you physically is not standard.

Does it make you uncomfortable because they are trashy or is it specifically because they are trashy gays -which you seem not to be, and that the possibility of them being compared to you makes you uneasy?

In any case, you need to tell your boo that you don't necessarily enjoy his friends' company and that you'd rather just hang out with him 1-on-1. Sometimes it's nice to have your own life outside of the relationship (i.e. being able to see you friends without bringing your bf every time) so maybe that's something that he might enjoy.
 
Alcoori said:
Regardless of if you tell him or not I would highly recommend finding a therapist and working through the anxiety you get from meeting people you don't like.

I understand that people talking about a single subject (i.e. getting wasted and hooking up) can get old rather fast if that's all they ever talk about, but you getting anxious and having it affect you physically is not standard.

Does it make you uncomfortable because they are trashy or is it specifically because they are trashy gays -which you seem not to be, and that the possibility of them being compared to you makes you uneasy?

In any case, you need to tell your boo that you don't necessarily enjoy his friends' company and that you'd rather just hang out with him 1-on-1. Sometimes it's nice to have your own life outside of the relationship (i.e. being able to see you friends without bringing your bf every time) so maybe that's something that he might enjoy.
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Wow i really think you worked it out here....i think what it may be is the idea these people think of sex cheapens the idea to me. I think of it as a really special thing between two people in love and when i hear things like "oh yeah i did x many guys while i was high lol" makes me sick to my stomach, obviously affecting intimacy straight afterwards...

I never say anything because everyone lives how they want to, but i think after an evening of hearing all that crap, and i try to be intimate i lose all sense of how special it should be.

I really think this may be it, I dont agree with how some people, ie his friends in this case, treat sex like that. Im clearly the minority here but at least ive figured out the connection.

It may also explain why i dislike gay clubs as i always equate them with being a sleazy pick up joint regardless of what they may be.

Thanks Alcoori, really i mean it.

I have allot to think about.......
 
Morning everyone.

Okay, is it me or does Russell Howard seem less straight than he leads on?

edit: Lol CNN talking to James Deen and some other porn starlet about California's new ballot measure about condoms in porn and the CNN woman miscalled Deen a gay porn performer and he had to correct her on it. Man is CNN a joke.

edit2: Man still snowing here.
 
It's cold enough here to actually be snowing and I wish it would; putting up with these temperatures without any payoff blows.

Pretty certain I'm going to literally explode with sexual frustration soon. This guy led me on for three weeks without ever being able to get together -- "Sorry, I was busy!" "Aw, just missed you!" "Have to work..." -- and after last night I've had it. Don't say you're into me but never actually make the effort to prioritize me for even a single evening. I was literally throwing myself at him (my texts were a few keystrokes away from "PLEASE fuck me now.") and got nothing but empty promises in return.

My desperation is so strong that I installed Grindr (again) and left it on for a week straight. Result? No responses from anyone I messaged and only two incoming messages, both from some gross 40-something guys. One with a picture that appeared to be him drunk on top of a mountain and the other was a complete douche right out of the gate.

When the universe says, hey, no one wants to be with you in any capacity, I guess it's time to cash in the chips.
 
That sucks Cosmic, everyone has their frustrating periods, hang in there someone will come around eventually. I do hate the saying but is very true, there's plenty of fish in the sea.

At least he answered, I freaking hate when they don't and obviously turn the phone off. Just tell me you aren't interested, I've done it, is not difficult.
 
mantidor said:
That sucks Cosmic, everyone has their frustrating periods, hang in there someone will come around eventually. I do hate the saying but is very true, there's plenty of fish in the sea.
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Well, I mean, you've been in gay-gaf long enough to know this isn't just a "period" for me: it's been my entire life. The only time I can ever legitimately connect with a guy, they're invariably on the opposite side of the country or even in a different one entirely.

...And now I'm probably going to depressively carb-load for a couple of weeks and end up fat(ter) again.
 
Cosmic Bus said:
Well, I mean, you've been in gay-gaf long enough to know this isn't just a "period" for me: it's been my entire life. The only time I can ever legitimately connect with a guy, they're invariably on the opposite side of the country or even in a different one entirely.

...And now I'm probably going to depressively carb-load for a couple of weeks and end up fat(ter) again.
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We've all seen you, you would have to over eat for an entire year to get fat!

No I'm not suggesting you do that :P, but I see what you mean. Your situation Is somewhat similar to mine , but I think we always find someone far away mainly because we are looking for it on the internet. It's been incredibly difficult for me but I've realized I just have to go out more.

Just don't get frustrated, even if you are very selective and don't make friends easy, not to mention relationships, you already know it is not impossible, it's just going to take more time.
 
I've become a such a major lurker in this thread... :/

So I know some of you guys have really good taste in music so I'll ask: What're some good artists to look into? I recently got a Zune Pass for my Windows Phone so I thought I'd listen to some new stuff. I've already downloaded every album by Florence & the Machine, The xx, Vampire Weekend, Artic Monkeys, Klaxons, and The Black Keys by recommendations from coworkers. Anything else I should check out?

Oh and Cosmic I know it won't really help your situation, but you're really attractive and have a good personality (unless you are wildly different in real life). The only recommendation I can give is to go out to different places and make some new friends. You might meet new guys that way. Not every gay uses grindr or hangs out at gay bars so you never know. If your problems with connecting to people is really so bad you might want to consider going to a therapist. I know someone who had similar issues so she went to one and she's a lot better now.
 
Yaceka said:
So I know some of you guys have really good taste in music so I'll ask: What're some good artists to look into? I recently got a Zune Pass for my Windows Phone so I thought I'd listen to some new stuff. I've already downloaded every album by Florence & the Machine, The xx, Vampire Weekend, Artic Monkeys, Klaxons, and The Black Keys by recommendations from coworkers. Anything else I should check out?
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Chromatics. School of Seven Bells. Frightened Rabbit. Nicole Atkins. Beth Hart. Van She. The Naked and Famous.

Oh and Cosmic I know it won't really help your situation, but you're really attractive and have a good personality (unless you are wildly different in real life). The only recommendation I can give is to go out to different places and make some new friends. You might meet new guys that way. Not every gay uses grindr or hangs out at gay bars so you never know. If your problems with connecting to people is really so bad you might want to consider going to a therapist. I know someone who had similar issues so she went to one and she's a lot better now.
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It isn't so much that I can't find friends... Have a good circle of them, both from school and otherwise, guys and girls (okay, mostly girls, but I prefer hanging out with them), straight and gay. I'm not socially awkward or uncomfortable around new people; the problem is really that dudes I'm attracted to are never attracted to me, so yeah.

Tried seeing a therapist a couple years back and while it was nice initially, he eventually said that I didn't really need to be going any more. I can't afford medication, so therapy just turns into a 45 minute venting session without solving anything.
 
Cosmic Bus said:
It's cold enough here to actually be snowing and I wish it would; putting up with these temperatures without any payoff blows.

Pretty certain I'm going to literally explode with sexual frustration soon. This guy led me on for three weeks without ever being able to get together -- "Sorry, I was busy!" "Aw, just missed you!" "Have to work..." -- and after last night I've had it. Don't say you're into me but never actually make the effort to prioritize me for even a single evening. I was literally throwing myself at him (my texts were a few keystrokes away from "PLEASE fuck me now.") and got nothing but empty promises in return.

My desperation is so strong that I installed Grindr (again) and left it on for a week straight. Result? No responses from anyone I messaged and only two incoming messages, both from some gross 40-something guys. One with a picture that appeared to be him drunk on top of a mountain and the other was a complete douche right out of the gate.

When the universe says, hey, no one wants to be with you in any capacity, I guess it's time to cash in the chips.
Click to expand...

Hmmm... maybe its something in your profile because you don't seem to look bad at all. Maybe you're a bit too negative in it? I don't know, I haven't seen it, but that usually turns people off. Judging by this post of yours, its far more likely thats it than your appearance.
 
Yaceka said:
So I know some of you guys have really good taste in music so I'll ask: What're some good artists to look into? I recently got a Zune Pass for my Windows Phone so I thought I'd listen to some new stuff. I've already downloaded every album by Florence & the Machine, The xx, Vampire Weekend, Artic Monkeys, Klaxons, and The Black Keys by recommendations from coworkers. Anything else I should check out?
Click to expand...

Beirut
The Lumineers
Paloma Faith
Miike Snow
 
Yaceka said:
I've become a such a major lurker in this thread... :/

So I know some of you guys have really good taste in music so I'll ask: What're some good artists to look into? I recently got a Zune Pass for my Windows Phone so I thought I'd listen to some new stuff. I've already downloaded every album by Florence & the Machine, The xx, Vampire Weekend, Artic Monkeys, Klaxons, and The Black Keys by recommendations from coworkers. Anything else I should check out?
Click to expand...

They're not new, but this weekend I fell in love with Interpol again. Oh, and I love Metric. I'm assuming you prefer alternative rock from your list.
 
Don't worry, Cosmic. Nearly everyone on dating sites is overcritical. I'm very judgemental on dating sites too but not as much in real life.

I may be judgemental online but I'd ball you ;)
 
Yaceka said:
So I know some of you guys have really good taste in music so I'll ask: What're some good artists to look into? I recently got a Zune Pass for my Windows Phone so I thought I'd listen to some new stuff. I've already downloaded every album by Florence & the Machine, The xx, Vampire Weekend, Artic Monkeys, Klaxons, and The Black Keys by recommendations from coworkers. Anything else I should check out?
Click to expand...

My list doesn't exactly mesh with all the recommendations you got, but this is a short list of stuff I've been jamming to recently:

Crystal Castles
Grimes
Santigold
Purity Ring
Zedd
Justice
Ellie Goulding
TNGHT
Charli XCX

All worth checking out, IMO.

edit: cosmic: something something trip to chicago something something
 
Thanks for all the recommendations! I'll be checking them out over the next week or so. :)

Also, there's already 2 inches of snow since last night when it started snowing. Fuck.
 
Yaceka said:
I've become a such a major lurker in this thread... :/

So I know some of you guys have really good taste in music so I'll ask: What're some good artists to look into? I recently got a Zune Pass for my Windows Phone so I thought I'd listen to some new stuff. I've already downloaded every album by Florence & the Machine, The xx, Vampire Weekend, Artic Monkeys, Klaxons, and The Black Keys by recommendations from coworkers. Anything else I should check out?

lot better now.
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Seems like we have the same taste in music so:

Blood red shoes, the newest album is amazing.

Foals

The naked and famous

Zulu winter

The joy formidable
 
Yaceka said:
So I know some of you guys have really good taste in music so I'll ask: What're some good artists to look into? I recently got a Zune Pass for my Windows Phone so I thought I'd listen to some new stuff. I've already downloaded every album by Florence & the Machine, The xx, Vampire Weekend, Artic Monkeys, Klaxons, and The Black Keys by recommendations from coworkers. Anything else I should check out?
Click to expand...

What I've been listening to lately...

Crystal Castles
Bat For Lashes
Patrick Wolf
Dan Deacon
Miguel
AlunaGeorge
MNDR
Twin Shadow
Zola Jesus
Oberhofer
Neon Indian
Radical Face

And of course the best album of the year... Put Your Back N 2 It by Perfume Genius
 
mantidor said:
I've never seen snow, seems nice and beautiful enough, and kind of bothersome if you live in a city. But I'm sure in the countryside must be amazing.
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Snow is cold and wet and icky and gross and made only exponentially worse by cold, blistering winds.

Fuck Chicagooooo
 
Yaceka said:
The only recommendation I can give is to go out to different places and make some new friends. You might meet new guys that way. Not every gay uses grindr or hangs out at gay bars so you never know. If your problems with connecting to people is really so bad you might want to consider going to a therapist. I know someone who had similar issues so she went to one and she's a lot better now.
Click to expand...

What kind of things do you all do or have ideas to do? I'm of course in the similar situation and without many friends (mostly girls) where I live I am stuck trying to figure out stuff to do alone.
 
RatskyWatsky said:
Do you live in the tropics or something?
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Yeah, I live in Brasil now, but I'm from Colombia. Weather is determined by altitude, not time of the year, so we do have snow in Colombia, but it's located in very high mountains, these peaks are properly called "nieves perpetuas" or perpetual snow.

No one lives there of course, but there are small towns in very high altitudes near these places, they are liked by hikers a lot as you would expect. I'm not crazy about hiking so I've never been there, however I've thought about it lately, with global warming these nevados places might disappear in the not so distant future sadly. It is actually noticeable already, many tourist destination have lost their snow already, you have to climb higher to get it.
 
mantidor said:
Yeah, I live in Brasil now, but I'm from Colombia. Weather is determined by altitude, not time of the year, so we do have snow in Colombia, but it's located in very high mountains, these peaks are properly called "nieves perpetuas" or perpetual snow.

No one lives there of course, but there are small towns in very high altitudes near these places, they are liked by hikers a lot as you would expect. I'm not crazy about hiking so I've never been there, however I've thought about it lately, with global warming these nevados places might disappear in the not so distant future sadly. It is actually noticeable already, many tourist destination have lost their snow already, you have to climb higher to get it.
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Whoa, cool. I want to go to Brazil someday. Also, you should totally visit the nieves perpetuas. Everyone should be able to experience snow at some point in their lives! (and as you said, with global warming, who knows how long it'll last?)
 
sruckus said:
What kind of things do you all do or have ideas to do? I'm of course in the similar situation and without many friends (mostly girls) where I live I am stuck trying to figure out stuff to do alone.
Click to expand...

In my case I joined a gay sports league and through it I meant tons of gay people.
 
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