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Lying to kids about Santa

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IHaveCandy

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It's that time of year again when malls bring out Santa for the kids to visit. Parents ask their kids what they want from Santa. And the charade keeps on going year after year. How do you feel about the whole Santa story? Do you think it is good to make kids believe in Santa? Pointless? Harmless? Harmful? If I had a kid, I would tell him Santa isn't real from the start. I don't really like the idea of telling kids that some magical creature rewards them for being good and that is why they should be good. If rather tell them that their parents love them and want them to be happy. When I was a kid, I know my parents had to work hard to get all of their kids gifts. I'm sure a lot of parents have to do even more to fulfill Christmas for their kids. Back then, I wish I knew my dad was working hard to buy and find those gifts for me than Santa Claus somehow making and delivering them magically.


Some people say you should just let kids keep their imagination alive, but that isn't imagination. Believing in a lie isn't imagination.
 
I tell my kid at every opportunity that Santa's not real.

Granted, she's not quite 10mo at this point...
 
Seems pretty messed up. But then again, it teaches children a very important lesson in life: never trust anyone - especially those who you love and who are closest to you.
 
Raistlin said:
I believe you're over thinking this.

Is there any credible evidence it's harmful?
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I'm not really saying it's harmful. I'm just saying it's a pointless lie and kids would be better served if they were told the truth. I guess the only harm I think it does is tell kids that being good is right because you will be rewarded.
 
There was a story on the local news about how some teacher caused controversy by telling a child something after being directly asked if Santa was real that caused her to go home and ask if Santa was real. They didn't elaborate on exactly what was said, but I'd imagine if she had just outright said no, she would have been more distressed instead of asking her parents as well. My first thought upon listening to the story was, oh noes, how dare a teacher consider try to convey critical thinking skills instead of spoon-feeding a pretty lie to her students.
 
Personally, I waited till they were around 8 to tell them because it was fun for my ex and I to get to see them excited.

And, when the time was right we told them Santa was fake. It's funny, I've raised them as atheists so I was just like "Hey, isn't it funny how nothing magical or supernatural exists in the world except for Santa?"

"Yeah, daddy!"

"Well we lied about him too because it's a fun tradition for parents."

It's a great lesson for kids about gullibility and believing everything you hear even if it doesn't make any sense :-)
 
IHaveCandy said:
I'm not really saying it's harmful. I'm just saying it's a pointless lie and kids would be better served if they were told the truth. I guess the only harm I think it does is tell kids that being good is right because you will be rewarded.
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Why would they be better served if they were told the truth?
 
IHaveCandy said:
It's that time of year again when malls bring out Santa for the kids to visit. Parents ask their kids what they want from Santa. And the charade keeps on going year after year. How do you feel about the whole Santa story? Do you think it is good to make kids believe in Santa? Pointless? Harmless? Harmful? If I had a kid, I would tell him Santa isn't real from the start. I don't really like the idea of telling kids that some magical creature rewards them for being good and that is why they should be good. If rather tell them that their parents love them and want them to be happy. When I was a kid, I know my parents had to work hard to get all of their kids gifts. I'm sure a lot of parents have to do even more to fulfill Christmas for their kids. Back then, I wish I knew my dad was working hard to buy and find those gifts for me than Santa Claus somehow making and delivering them magically.


Some people say you should just let kids keep their imagination alive, but that isn't imagination. Believing in a lie isn't imagination.
Click to expand...
There are very few kids in developed countries who are going to appreciate how hard their parents work to provide presents at Christmas and who will behave simply in the knowledge that their parents love them very much.

Telling kids Santa exists makes it pretty straight forward. Don't behave, don't get gifts. Sure you could say the same thing but just replace Santa with parents. But many children instinctively know how to change their parents minds or can tell if a parent is a soft touch etc.

Removing it from the parents and saying, you have to impress this guy who can't be bought or persuaded makes it a whole lot easier. They can understand it.
 
Part of the benefit is that eventually, the kid will learn to question if Santa exists or not. The child will question their peers and parents and eventually will have discovered the truth.

But what is the truth?

There is no magical creature rewarding kids for being good. That's true, right?

Waaaait! Then how did the kid get the presents???

The joy of the Santa Lie is that you can respect what people in your life have done for you. It's the time of year where it's not how the gifts and happiness are shared. No. It's the fact that Santa isn't simply one person. Santa is a parent, a sibling, a relative or even a complete stranger whose purpose is trying to make you happy. You even get to become someone's Santa. Thus the world becomes super nice for just a night.

It's not just some super literal person. You lie to your kids about it because you don't have to have parents to get things for Christmas. If your kid nows it's always you, right from the start, they might not understand how important it is to be nice for the sake of being nice and not because of a bond that already exists between the giver and the receiver.

If I ever have a kid and I keep up the lie, I'm expecting that, when they're old enough, they'll realise it was me all along and that the idea of Santa was to make the kid happy first and foremost.
 
When i was younger, my dad simply told me: I don't believe in Santa. He was really upfront about it, and it never had any adverse effects on me. Also my sense of wonder + religiousness+ scientific curiosity are still in tact.
 
Well you aren't lying if they never ask you directly if Santa is real :)

I'll probably do the whole Santa thing, I think it can be used to convey the ideas of using critical thinking and skepticism as they discover the ruse.
 
I loved the magical part of it. When i found out, age 7 or so, i still found it cool and all magical to ''secretly'' go out with my mom to shop for presents for my younger siblings. No way i would deny my imaginary/future kids this magic.
 
Well Santa Claus is very important because it preps a young child to have faith in imaginary construct like the soul, heaven, god etc.
 
Kylehimself said:
There are very few kids in developed countries who are going to appreciate how hard their parents work to provide presents at Christmas and who will behave simply in the knowledge that their parents love them very much.

Telling kids Santa exists makes it pretty straight forward. Don't behave, don't get gifts. Sure you could say the same thing but just replace Santa with parents. But many children instinctively know how to change their parents minds or can tell if a parent is a soft touch etc.

Removing it from the parents and saying, you have to impress this guy who can't be bought or persuaded makes it a whole lot easier. They can understand it.
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I don't like the idea of teaching kids that they should be good because then they will get gifts. That isn't a good way to instill morals into children.
 
um, kids don't believe in santa, little baby children do. kids figure it out and play the game to appease their parents.
 
A lot of kids are proud when they figure out that Santa is not real. I remember finding my presents stashed in a cubby hole in the basement before Christmas when I was 4 or 5 and feeling like Sherlock Holmes when I pieced together that Santa was actually my parents.

I won't try to keep my future kids believing in Santa if they are showing signs of doubt, but I will probably play along when they are really young. If they ask me outright later if Santa is real, I'll just say "Well what do you think?". If they say no, I'll confirm that they are right and that Santa is for little kids, not "big kids" like them.

IHaveCandy said:
I don't like the idea of teaching kids that they should be good because then they will get gifts. That isn't a good way to instill morals into children.
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You don't have to teach them that the presents are for being good.
 
I don't see anything wrong with telling your kid Santa is real. None of us grew up fuck up because of it.
 
You would rob your children of the most magically central moment of the year for them? That seems more harmful and unfortunate than them believing in Santa Claus.
 
I think it's pretty harmless, probably even helps kids become more skeptical of the things people tell them.

I just don't feel like lying to my kids, hoping to be as honest with them as I can about everything and set a good example for them to do the same, so I'm planning to avoid the issue if at all possible, or defer to the wife.

What I fear is me telling them that Santa isn't real, and my kids getting into an argument with other kids at school who do believe in Santa.
 
Let the children have a "sense of wonder" about something real, such as the universe or nature itself, not something completly fabricated. Also, you can give the child the feeling of how much smarter he is than all the other children at school who do believe in Santa, and if the kid is up for it, he tell them all how Santa is fake and get all their parents doing damage control when they get home hahah.
 
IHaveCandy said:
I don't like the idea of teaching kids that they should be good because then they will get gifts. That isn't a good way to instill morals into children.
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Worked pretty well with Skinner's dog. ;)

Children are too young to understand certain things. They'll not understand "Please behave at the hairdresser because it leaves a bad impression on mommy" but they'll get that good behavior results in something good. Having kids behave a certain way is all about various kinds of rewards and rewards/reinforcements have been proven to work fine for parenting purposes.
 
IHaveCandy said:
Well I guess if you think that blind faith is good, then it would be important. I think blind faith is bad.
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tumblr_loykzkLSCF1qzom2ro1_r2_500.jpg
 
IHaveCandy said:
Because I think they'd be better off knowing how much their parents love them than thinking they can make a deal with some imaginary magical fat man.
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How does Santa somehow negate the child knowing their parent loves them? Having one doesn't mean it impedes on the other.

IHaveCandy said:
Lying to your kids isn't giving them a sense of wonder.
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Telling them everything they imagine or wonder about is untrue kills their sense of wonder and imagination.
 
IHaveCandy said:
I don't like the idea of teaching kids that they should be good because then they will get gifts. That isn't a good way to instill morals into children.
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You're rewarding children for being good. That's how they learn. It's an incentive, people respond to incentives. Also, for those first few years it's fun for everybody involved to believe in Santa.

Your alternative of explaining to kids that their parents really love them and work hard for them seems like it's just asking to fail.

I watch my nephew get told he's loved by his parents and grandparents every time I see him. He's raised really well, but ultimately he's just a child, and he can't appreciate that both his parents work 40+ hour weeks and do everything they can to look after him. He doesn't get it.

Stephen Colbert said:
I think it's pretty harmless, probably even helps kids become more skeptical of the things people tell them.

I just don't feel like lying to my kids, hoping to be as honest with them as I can about everything and set a good example for them to do the same, so I'm planning to avoid the issue if at all possible, or defer to the wife.

What I fear is me telling them that Santa isn't real, and my kids getting into an argument with other kids at school who do believe in Santa.
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This is not some big lie that will stop your children every trusting again or push them to become huge liars themselves, ultimately shaping their future in any way shape or form. It's incredibly harmless. Though I'm not remotely surprised to find this sort of attitude on GAF.
 
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