They say suffering has a lesson in it. I'm not sure what that is though. Pain?
I got another question for everyone. If you had a red button, that meant you could switch off 'depression mode', would you press it?
In. A. Fucking. Heartbeat.
Depression
- Thread starter Jea Song
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In. A. Fucking. Heartbeat.
Ooh! Let's make it more difficult. By pressing the red button, it deletes your user experience too. So it would be like it never existed in the first place. So you wouldn't have any idea how sad a depressed person really feels. o.0
Collete
Member
I would try to brace myself from the emotional adjustment at first before pressing, but yeah I would. To not burden anyone and maybe for once help myself.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Yup. Fuck this shit.
Now that... is a difficult choice... I feel more empathetic having suffered through depression and I feel it has actually made me grow as a person...
Also, damn. I took two of my Atarax instead of one and I forgot how woozy and sleepy it makes me. @.@
scar tissue
Banned
I'd push that button so hard that it'd be crushed to dust.
Yeah, being depressed certainly is an "interesting" experience, but not one I value particularly.
Pretty much the only lessons I've learned from depression and SA are ones I wouldn't fucking need without depression/SA.
I'm always the one stepping up and asking and being rejected.
They say suffering has a lesson in it. I'm not sure what that is though. Pain?
I got another question for everyone. If you had a red button, that meant you could switch off 'depression mode', would you press it?
I'd like a button to end myself. My body doesn't need to die someone else can take over. The person who I am right now can die or leave or something.
Collete
Member
Still would, rather not anyone see me suffer like this even if I lose myself.
It's better if people started hating me before I became depressed, than people constantly worrying if I'll live the next day.
Prax
Member
Can't you just make a new and fresh account and start anew?
Or sign up with Plenty of Fish or Compatible Partners (eHarmony's version for homosexual relationships). Could be that the people you're looking for aren't int he places you're searching. That's got to be frustrating as heck, but keep at it along with working on yourself.
It seems like you don't want to give up (even despite saying that you do).
The world can be a harsh and draining place, and group therapy and the other stuff you do is supposed to help you build up your defenses for that, so it's good to hear that you find it helpful at least.
If there ever was a lesson to suffering, it's possibly something around the lines of "it's transient like everything else in life".They say suffering has a lesson in it. I'm not sure what that is though. Pain?
I got another question for everyone. If you had a red button, that meant you could switch off 'depression mode', would you press it?
I think just trying different activities or going and indulging in good food or music and stretching are little attempts at pressing that button. Though I know for some people, there is a learned helplessness that comes with depression where you don't even want to brother trying anymore because you know it will just come again anyway. I'm kind of glad in that instance for my forgetfulness when it comes to general negative experiences. They all kind of blur together in a vague haze and I can forget them and replace them with more pleasant thoughts.
Oh don't you worry about them worrying about you. ha ha. Where's the Inception.gif when you need it?
Collete
Member
Why? *thick headed*
Collete
Member
Yeah, I always think that about my high school years(heck even my early college years). Yeah I was still depressed as hell back then, but I had the most fun during those years. Just makes me wish I didn't use it more wisely in "productive" hobbies like writing my damn novels than replaying Gamecube games over and over
Because that makes it worse, so you increase your worry about their worry. I think.
Oh i see...Yeah my brain is just not working today...Time for nyquil again.
isnt that kind of a redundant question?
Obviously. My last semester in college was pretty bad, but I had a lot of things to do and didn't focus so much on my issues. Everything was so much better.
Freeza Under The Shower
Member
Not sure what the question is. Does having some useful to do make me less inclined to feel depressed? Yes (obviously, imo).
Did I feel depressed -or what has been described in this thread as depressed- when I was in high school and continued higher education? Yes.
I certainly do not look back at life thinking "oh that was amazing" and keep looking back at it. I am far more inclined to go with "that was bad" and keep looking back at it.
That doesn't mean that your memories can't be legitimate happy memories though.Even if you might feel them 'tainted' with your current of passing through state.
I don't think that's what you meant though.
Obviously.
Then again, I am not Eggman and that always cheers me up right away. I am not even joking.
I fucking give up.
So for school I have to write an essay on a book I didn't even fucking read (The Hunchback of Notre-Dame) for tomorrow. It's my fault for not reading the book but I had no motivation, and to be quite frank, it's a fucking boring book. Then I have another four assignments due for the same damn class (English) in all in a week or two, or some shit. I don't even know anymore. Then there's math. No way I'm getting to a 60 before the end of the semester/before my exam.
Home? My parents keep asking when my last therapy session will be because "nothing you can't tell them that you can't tell us" and "they don't know you like us". Then I told them I'm considering taking the year off next year instead of jumping straight into uni, and my mom wasted no time in telling me I'd be a waste of life/space. Other than that, they're just annoying and I have to act fine around them to avoid stupid fucking questions.
I'm so burnt out. I don't know why I'm posting here rather than bullshitting on my essay. I've just felt so bottled up and confined lately. I want to get away from everyone, and everything. It's not like anyone would notice. Never a "hey, where are you at?" or "where have you been?" if I'm missing. I'd be fucking dead and no one would care. Even the people I've been there for before have turned to giving me the cold shoulder. Fuck this. I need a hug.
So for school I have to write an essay on a book I didn't even fucking read (The Hunchback of Notre-Dame) for tomorrow. It's my fault for not reading the book but I had no motivation, and to be quite frank, it's a fucking boring book. Then I have another four assignments due for the same damn class (English) in all in a week or two, or some shit. I don't even know anymore. Then there's math. No way I'm getting to a 60 before the end of the semester/before my exam.
Home? My parents keep asking when my last therapy session will be because "nothing you can't tell them that you can't tell us" and "they don't know you like us". Then I told them I'm considering taking the year off next year instead of jumping straight into uni, and my mom wasted no time in telling me I'd be a waste of life/space. Other than that, they're just annoying and I have to act fine around them to avoid stupid fucking questions.
I'm so burnt out. I don't know why I'm posting here rather than bullshitting on my essay. I've just felt so bottled up and confined lately. I want to get away from everyone, and everything. It's not like anyone would notice. Never a "hey, where are you at?" or "where have you been?" if I'm missing. I'd be fucking dead and no one would care. Even the people I've been there for before have turned to giving me the cold shoulder. Fuck this. I need a hug.
It's something Stephen Fry brought up in his documentary on being a manic depressive.
On that note, Stephen Fry is quite eloquent in his descriptions of experiencing depression:
http://youtu.be/TcPRF9slENI
Sorry but your parents don't sound very supportive. Continue therapy and don't go to college (or "university"....I assume you're not american) right away if you don't think you're ready. I went to college when I was not ready (and depressed, and unmotivated) and it was a mistake.
No need to apologize, they aren't very supportive. "You don't have to go back there, do you? It's a waste of everyone's time. Just pray and you'll be okay." etc. Too bad I'm atheist. And yeah, my motivation has never been so low. I could literally lie in bed all day if I could. I'm not even motivated to eat anymore; I've lost like 15 pounds in the past few weeks.
rapid32.5
Member
making acquaintances is not difficult for me, finding friends is tough, because many have jobs and personal lives. I have been on a few dates the reality is, all women wanted money out of me, so I quit doing that. I'm gonna move somewhere else to find a mother for my child. I only believe in love between parents and children, everything else is false, at least in my experience.
User 100115
Banned
/hug
I know it's not as good as a real hug, but it's all I got right now
I can't get angry either. I just cry. Especially when people get angry at me.
Doesn't matter where I go. I had some accounts on other gay dating websites. I'm old fat short and ugly no one wants that. I don't understand why I cannot just die right now in my sleep. It's not like I am any important thing
/hug
I know it's not as good as a real hug, but it's all I got right now
I can't get angry either. I just cry. Especially when people get angry at me.
Lost of the ability to cry, too. I just get really hard on myself when people are angry at me and I internalize it. I turn their anger onto myself.
The_Inquisitor
Member
Girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me Thursday. I know I am going to be okay, but when I am by myself I kind of feel this slightly empty feeling in my chest.
Ending up biking 50 miles this weekend to clear my head. Worst part is we were suppose to go to Vegas this week, a trip we had planned for weeks. I guess she had forgotten in her excitement to break up with me. Taking my sister instead now so it's cool, but god damn did she blind side me right before Christmas.
I work 40+ hours a week now. No idea how the fuck I am going to find another girl randomly. To be honest I have had a few long-term gf's the past few years, but have no idea the protocol to picking up a random girl outside being myself. Which I guess is going to have to do it.
Perhaps I should go to a bar with some of my guy friends an upcoming weekend and just "talk" to some girls. No rush to get into a relationship, just talk to some awesome random women and see where my luck goes...
Ending up biking 50 miles this weekend to clear my head. Worst part is we were suppose to go to Vegas this week, a trip we had planned for weeks. I guess she had forgotten in her excitement to break up with me. Taking my sister instead now so it's cool, but god damn did she blind side me right before Christmas.
I work 40+ hours a week now. No idea how the fuck I am going to find another girl randomly. To be honest I have had a few long-term gf's the past few years, but have no idea the protocol to picking up a random girl outside being myself. Which I guess is going to have to do it.
Perhaps I should go to a bar with some of my guy friends an upcoming weekend and just "talk" to some girls. No rush to get into a relationship, just talk to some awesome random women and see where my luck goes...
User 100115
Banned
I literally can't stop myself from bursting into tears the moment someone is angry with me. It's annoying as shit. I hate it. Sometimes I think I might actually be angry as well, but I can't discuss the reasons why the other person is upsetting me or anything because I am too busy trying not to bawl.
Yeah... When someone is yelling at me or angry at me, I just get really quiet and lower my head. Almost like a dog being scolded...
You're the most important thing in the world to you. Not living is the cessation of existence. Put simply, you would cease to exist. So I think you're pretty damn important to you.
/hug
I know it's not as good as a real hug, but it's all I got right now
I'll take what I can get where I can get it. Thank you.
I feel so worthless. So pathetic. Even more so than usual. I look even worse than I normally do because I haven't been sleeping at all lately and because I've lost the weight that lord knows I need since I'm already super fucking skinny. Self esteem: 1 point from negative infinity.
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me Thursday. I know I am going to be okay, but when I am by myself I kind of feel this slightly empty feeling in my chest.
Ending up biking 50 miles this weekend to clear my head. Worst part is we were suppose to go to Vegas this week, a trip we had planned for weeks. I guess she had forgotten in her excitement to break up with me. Taking my sister instead now so it's cool, but god damn did she blind side me right before Christmas.
I work 40+ hours a week now. No idea how the fuck I am going to find another girl randomly. To be honest I have had a few long-term gf's the past few years, but have no idea the protocol to picking up a random girl outside being myself. Which I guess is going to have to do it.
Perhaps I should go to a bar with some of my guy friends an upcoming weekend and just "talk" to some girls. No rush to get into a relationship, just talk to some awesome random women and see where my luck goes...
You seem like you already know what you have to do. Stay strong, good luck, and have fun.
You're not worthless.
If it helps, some girls like scrawny guys. Don't ask me why, I'm not going to complain. (16.5 BMI
)But seriously, you're not worthless. I'll be on a 4h overlay where you live in a few weeks, if you wanna visit me at the airport? I'll give you a real-life hug. Til then: -virtual hug- Your parents don't sound very understanding, I'm sorry to hear that :/
You're not worthless. Not even close.
It's my opinion, of course. In my opinion you're worth quite a lot. It's up to you whether you think my opinions are total trash
Re: being skinny. I feel you man. I dipped so low a couple of times I had to go see a doctor. As Smiley said, though, there are some girls that are into it. Sure, we'll never be 'built'...but at least I don't feel obligated to try!
Plus your weight will grow and stabilize a bit through your college years. I was all up and down through age 18/19 but have been a tiny bit heftier and much more consistent since.
Kinda know how you feel. I trouble on the motivation end and have a hard time focusing and getting work done.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
Haha, same here. I look back at all the time I spent playing PS2 games during my teen years and I always wonder what I could have achieved had I channeled that time/energy into something productive.
But at the end of the day, daydreaming about "what if" scenarios isn't going to change anything or help anyone - it only serves to depress me further so I just try to focus on the present.
ZackusMaximus
Banned
Hey. I've been lurking in on and off for a while. I've been pretty depressed lately so I thought I'd drop a couple lines. I don't even know where to being. I'm going to go play a game or two of LoL for now because I'd rather distract myself with a game than address the unpleasant nature of my mental health. That and because I want to hit level 30 so I can finally play some ranked games. Maybe I should have posted in the LoL thread instead? Bahhhh, whatever. I'll be back.
scar tissue
Banned
Nope. Back in school, life was even worse. I had better hopes for the future, but actual day-to-day life (living with parents, hostile school environment) was horrible. Thank fuck I live alone and don't have to put up with a particular bunch of assholes on a day-to-day basis.
I've never felt better than in 2012. Too bad the benchmark wasn't that high to begin with.
D
Deleted member 81567
Unconfirmed Member
Fuck you.
Heeeelll yeah, months and months of procrastination is catching up on me hitting me in the face like a baseball bat.... just got a phonecall from the client I'm supposed to do my thesis work for.
"I've got the group ready for Thursday can you come to the office by then and show what you've done thus far?"
me on phone : "Sure!"
me after hanging up : "I've got literally nothing to show"
Maybe I should manage to get in jail or break my leg, maybe then I won't have to show up and embarrass myself and have people go "what the hell have you been doing the past months?".
Maybe I should flee the country...
"I've got the group ready for Thursday can you come to the office by then and show what you've done thus far?"
me on phone : "Sure!"
me after hanging up : "I've got literally nothing to show"
Maybe I should manage to get in jail or break my leg, maybe then I won't have to show up and embarrass myself and have people go "what the hell have you been doing the past months?".
Maybe I should flee the country...
Just whip up something, it's always better than nothing. I did the bulk of my written thesis in two weeks so you just need to go into zen mode and it's possible.
User 100115
Banned
Hey, a lot of us use distraction as a way to get by. Welcome, and I hope you feel better soon.
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