Gay and Bisexual thread |OT2|Bears and Twinks and Otters. Oh My!

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RatskyWatsky said:
He walks around in skimpy underwear in front of his young daughter?
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It's his house, it's his daughter. What the fuck is the issue? She's his family, he can do that if he wants. Not like he's walking around with his dick out in front of her.
 
Padawan of Windu said:
Recently I've been struggling with how to address something else kind of related to this. While I've always been out and never ashamed of who I am, sometimes I'm a little unclear of how to answer certain questions at work when it comes to kids. (I work with children.) Every once in a while I get the "do you have a girlfriend?" question and laugh and say no. If they press any further I say I have a partner, though I hate that term and it's generic, clinical soundingness. Sometimes I think they just don't understand what i mean, and I feel a disservice is being done to them when I should be educating. It's weird for me to feel this nervousness, probably due to it being related to my job.
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I don't know, given the general... craziness that I've heard in America coupled with you working with kids I can understand you not wanting to say anything. Hell, even in Canada there's a pretty strong feeling that teachers should keep that "to themselves."
 
Dany M said:
Nah, not to his friends but to people in general whenever it randomly comes up that two 'BROS' are hanging out shopping for underwear...if THAT wasn't a tip off enough.
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Why do these people find the need to come up to you and comment on it. I'd find that infinitely more bothersome than him referring to you as a friend.
 
Dany M said:
Nah, not to his friends but to people in general whenever it randomly comes up that two 'BROS' are hanging out shopping for underwear...if THAT wasn't a tip off enough.
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Id often wondered what id do in that situation. I think id just tell truth, and be proud. If someone had a problem, they can go fuck themselves and have an awful day :)
 
Dany M said:
My boyfriend calls me friend in public :X to others

It doesn't usually bother me much but ....eh...
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My bf's mom used to call me his friend when introducing us, and I'd get SO anooyed (don't misunderstand, she's always been sweet and supportive; it was just her old fashioned way to refer to it- friends that are together, haha.) She doesn't really anymore, but I used to simply correct it and say "we're together" or "boyfriends" or whatever to the person.
 
Padawan of Windu said:
My bf's mom used to call me his friend when introducing us, and I'd get SO anooyed (don't misunderstand, she's always been sweet and supportive; it was just her old fashioned way to refer to it- friends that are together, haha.) She doesn't really anymore, but I used to simply correct it and say "we're together" or "boyfriends" or whatever to the person.
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My mother-in-law (a Mississippi sweetheart who initially reminded me of Forrest Gump's momma when we first met) introduces me to her friends as "Greg's Tommy." Cute. (This is the very religious woman who told-off her preacher after he claimed that we were going to hell.) I love her so.. :)
 
Maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't be bothered by being called a friend in public. Just don't see how it makes any difference, personally, plus it's not technically incorrect and you avoid awkward situations with older relatives, lol.
 
MyAbsolution said:
Id often wondered what id do in that situation. I think id just tell truth, and be proud. If someone had a problem, they can go fuck themselves and have an awful day :)
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Rip off the boyfriend's clothes and just have sex right there in front of them. That'll make the message really clear.
 
It would depend on my SO's situation. If they're established adult and still afraid to come out with no plans to change that then it would get old being referred to as his "friend". People aren't stupid. They know. I'd put up with it for awhile but there would come a point where I would realize he is going to become an adult and come out or compromise himself to accommodate other people over something that doesn't matter.
 
BeesEight said:
Rip off the boyfriend's clothes and just have sex right there in front of them. That'll make the message really clear.
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m1C1E.gif
 
Teh Hamburglar said:
It would depend on my SO's situation. If they're established adult and still afraid to come out with no plans to change that then it would get old being referred to as his "friend". People aren't stupid. They know. I'd put up with it for awhile but there would come a point where I would realize he is going to become an adult and come out or compromise himself to accommodate other people over something that doesn't matter.
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I feel the same.
 
I can't believe how many responses that got. That's, what, five posts in three minutes? Why isn't the thread always this active. You should post more often Count Dookkake.
 
Dany M said:
My boyfriend calls me friend in public :X to others

It doesn't usually bother me much but ....eh...
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That would get to me.

In my previous relationship my boyfriend always introduced me as his boyfriend, and vice versa. I haven't used the friend line since I was in my late teens when not everyone knew or I wasn't comfortable with talking about it, but now that I'm an adult and in an adult relationship, if anyone has a problem with it then they can just EXIT the building.
 
lunch said:
I can't believe how many responses that got. That's, what, five posts in three minutes? Why isn't the thread always this active. You should post more often Count Dookkake.
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lol, just wait until I come out of the closet. :P

But seriously, for the record, I am totally down with gay dudes and dudettes.

I will try to chime in with more anecdotes or questions as they arise.
 
kitchenmotors said:
That would get to me.

In my previous relationship my boyfriend always introduced me as his boyfriend, and vice versa. I haven't used the friend line since I was in my late teens when not everyone knew or I wasn't comfortable with talking about it, but now that I'm an adult and in an adult relationship, if anyone has a problem with it then they can just EXIT the building.
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Count Dookkake said:
What's the best way for a straight dude to reject a nice, non-pervy, non-grabby gay guy?

I don't want to sound like a homophobe.
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That you aren't gay. Its really as simple as that. Being straight doesn't automatically mean being homophobic, if he doesn't understand that then he's likely the type of person who is offended by anything.
 
kitchenmotors said:
That would get to me.

In my previous relationship my boyfriend always introduced me as his boyfriend, and vice versa. I haven't used the friend line since I was in my late teens when not everyone knew or I wasn't comfortable with talking about it, but now that I'm an adult and in an adult relationship, if anyone has a problem with it then they can just EXIT the building.
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I don't know, I don't like to talk about it. Granted I live in Japan sonits different here. I've tried being out at a job before and it kind of scarred me. My boss groped me and I had a stalker too. I just came out at my current job which was a huge thing for me, and honestly I don't know if it was worth it. I was just getting so sick of dodging questions and speaking in half truths that I wanted everyone to just know. But I don't really know what I've gained by my office mates knowing. Every girl flocks to me telling me how accepting they are when I don't give a shit. Meanwhile it's caused stress with some of the male friends that I have which has really made me sad because we were really good friends before and now it's awkward sometimes: I lost another friend early on British guy when he found out at my current job so I'm very very self conscious about telling people. My family and close friends all know which is the most important thing but I waited a good two years at my current job before I told anyone. I kind of regret doing it. I feel turns inside out sort of, like an important part of me is exposed. Everyone makes it sound like hiding behind a mask is somehing bad and we all need to be out and tell everyone. Whenever income out, there is always someone who feels they need to be honest with me about some tkray unrelated issue, oh I'm a cutter, oh I've lived in an insane asylum. People misinterpret it as some kind if honesty issue, when its more like I'm tired of avoiding the awkward day in day out situations mincing my pronouns etc.

The guy I'm seeing is also in the military, and we have to tip toe around a lot of things. Don't go out of the building at the same time, no public displays, not out to any of his friends (but I'm out to all my close friends), and he's never going to do any of that stuff. It honestly doesn't bother me that much. I would rather have this than some gay pride bs boyfriend. We're affectionate with each other where it matters.

I'll also say coming out to people has never benefited me other than the self satisfaction for me not having to avoid certain conversations.
 
Natetan said:
I don't know, I don't like to talk about it. Granted I live in Japan sonits different here. I've tried being out at a job before and it kind of scarred me. My boss groped me and I had a stalker too. I just came out at my current job which was a huge thing for me, and honestly I don't know if it was worth it. I was just getting so sick of dodging questions and speaking in half truths that I wanted everyone to just know. But I don't really know what I've gained by my office mates knowing. Every girl flocks to me telling me how accepting they are when I don't give a shit. Meanwhile it's caused stress with some of the male friends that I have which has really made me sad because we were really good friends before and now it's awkward sometimes: I lost another friend early on British guy when he found out at my current job so I'm very very self conscious about telling people. My family and close friends all know which is the most important thing but I waited a good two years at my current job before I told anyone. I kind of regret doing it. I feel turns inside out sort of, like an important part of me is exposed. Everyone makes it sound like hiding behind a mask is somehing bad and we all need to be out and tell everyone. Whenever income out, there is always someone who feels they need to be honest with me about some tkray unrelated issue, oh I'm a cutter, oh I've lived in an insane asylum. People misinterpret it as some kind if honesty issue, when its more like I'm tired of avoiding the awkward day in day out situations mincing my pronouns etc.

The guy I'm seeing is also in the military, and we have to tip toe around a lot of things. Don't go out of the building at the same time, no public displays, not out to any of his friends (but I'm out to all my close friends), and he's never going to do any of that stuff. It honestly doesn't bother me that much. I would rather have this than some gay pride bs boyfriend. We're affectionate with each other where it matters.

I'll also say coming out to people has never benefited me other than the self satisfaction for me not having to avoid certain conversations.
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I feel that the way you come out and the reasons why you do are as important as people being accepting or not. The more you make it a non-issue, the less people are likely to give a damn about it. What I mean by that is that you tell people how it is and that's it. You don't have to be an advocate or anything, it's just the way it is and if people are unhappy, then it's their issue not yours. It is not your struggle and problem to make it so that everyone is OK with it.

You're saying that people then confess to having been in a asylum or cutting themselves, I hope you ask them how that has anything to do with you coming out.

If you lose people after coming out, do you really want to be friends with these people? How can you be friend if they'll drop you once they actually know you for who you are? I know I would not want to have to hide a part of me just so that I could be friends with people.

The groping and stalking were unacceptable and I'm sure -I hope- they are channels you can go through to make sure that it doesn't happen.

The guy I'm seeing is also in the military, and we have to tip toe around a lot of things. Don't go out of the building at the same time, no public displays, not out to any of his friends (but I'm out to all my close friends), and he's never going to do any of that stuff. It honestly doesn't bother me that much. I would rather have this than some gay pride bs boyfriend. We're affectionate with each other where it matters.
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Are you in the US military? Why can't you guys even leave the building together? That you don't make out in the middle of the courtyard I can understand, but that you have to be so cautious about everything sounds exhausting. That you guys keep the intimate stuff for when you're alone that's fine, but that you can't even stand next to him seems honestly a bit fucked up.
 
"A bit fucked up" would be a very polite way of saying it. It's depressing.
 
Alcoori said:
I feel that the way you come out and the reasons why you do are as important as people being accepting or not. The more you make it a non-issue, the less people are likely to give a damn about it. What I mean by that is that you tell people how it is and that's it. You don't have to be an advocate or anything, it's just the way it is and if people are unhappy, then it's their issue not yours. It is not your struggle and problem to make it so that everyone is OK with it.

You're saying that people then confess to having been in a asylum or cutting themselves, I hope you ask them how that has anything to do with you coming out.

If you lose people after coming out, do you really want to be friends with these people? How can you be friend if they'll drop you once they actually know you for who you are? I know I would not want to have to hide a part of me just so that I could be friends with people.

The groping and stalking were unacceptable and I'm sure -I hope- they are channels you can go through to make sure that it doesn't happen.



Are you in the US military? Why can't you guys even leave the building together? That you don't make out in the middle of the courtyard I can understand, but that you have to be so cautious about everything sounds exhausting. That you guys keep the intimate stuff for when you're alone that's fine, but that you can't even stand next to him seems honestly a bit fucked up.
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Well when you take the time to invest in someone as a friend and their behavior changes I have anyway difficulties unwinding that and just saying duck you you're no friend if mine now.

I also don't have the knee jerk capability to say something rude to people. Why are you telling me about this mad house experience? That just sounds terrible.

I'm not In the military. We can stand next to each other, but he will say 'I know people' when he's uncomfortable with somehing I'm doing. Not that I give a shit. It's not that exhausting really I just find it silly. The old building we lived in didn't have any people he knew living in it. But there are a lot of people he knows who live in our current building. Our concierge is also super nosy too. At the old building it didn't matter that we were living together but our current building I had to sign a piece of paper and explain the relationship. They almost track you Ina way, which in a way is what a concierge at an expensive apartment complex is hired todo...

He's a quite senior person in government intelligence, he's been spying on people around the workd for decades, so I think he's just used to being super tactical and not exposing himself unnecessarily
 
Charles Foster Kane said:
I always have feared telling any male friends I'm gay (which doesn't matter so much right now because I don't really go out and live away from my friends). One of the main reasons was because I had always put on a straight facade. I felt they would just step away if they knew. I've never really been friends with gay men, all my friend have been straight (or seemed to be), so I was used to that. It was the environment I grew up in. I even straight out lied many times that I liked girls. I can honestly say they had pretty much no idea I am gay, and some were/are kind of homophobic. It made me feel like shit. Even last/this year I was still doing it when I went to college. At that time I was taking really good care of myself and was looking a lot better.I even had two girls straight out tell me they liked me and wanted something. One of them was very pushy and started coming to my house. That was so fucking awkward. The other liked telling me she loved my voice and that she liked listening to me.

I quit college around September because I've been too depressed and with too much anxiety, but before I left I told some friends I was gay. Mostly female friends, but I did tell one guy was I've been friends with for more than a decade (we were high school classmates too), and he took it pretty well. Still, I wasn't very comfortable.
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I can relate to that. Most of my good friends growing up were guys. I had three very close male friends. I don't blame it to being gay but I don't really talk to them much now, life changes and its hard for me to relate to them in other ways, but even though I'm from a pretty liberal part of the us I think they were never that comfortable with it. I almost dropped out if school too because of some other personal issues, but I pushed through.

Most of my friends are guys now too. It wasn't really by choice, and I wonder how it happened that way. But then i remember most women and gay men dont exactly flock to japan.

I really like my male friends who are comfortable wih it. One of my friends showed pics of his naked girlfriend and I've told him about some of the crazy stuff I've done. We talk about a lot of other stuff too.
 
To be honest, for the first two years of our relationship my partner and I snuck around/were closeted/etc.. and it was kinda fun!

It was also a bit weird being flirty with his sister when we first met, haha..
 
BeesEight said:
Rip off the boyfriend's clothes and just have sex right there in front of them. That'll make the message really clear.
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Not to subtle perhaps?

Teh Hamburglar said:
Good work, gays. One more problem solved.
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Dany M said:
Gay-Gaf saves the day once again.
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Back to the Mystery Machine gang!

hateradio said:
Well, the alternative is to just give in.

Count Doococked? :lol
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Close the thread. Nothing can possibly top that :)
 
Natetan said:
The guy I'm seeing is also in the military, and we have to tip toe around a lot of things. Don't go out of the building at the same time, no public displays, not out to any of his friends (but I'm out to all my close friends), and he's never going to do any of that stuff. It honestly doesn't bother me that much. I would rather have this than some gay pride bs boyfriend. We're affectionate with each other where it matters.

I'll also say coming out to people has never benefited me other than the self satisfaction for me not having to avoid certain conversations.
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Eeek. Is he in the Japanese military? Do they have much of a military or is he British/American?
 
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