Gay and Bisexual thread |OT2|Bears and Twinks and Otters. Oh My!

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Count didn't want to be rude, if you tell someone you are straight and they keep insisting I think is completely acceptable to get rude.
 
Delio said:
Yup to the point where you scare a straight guy off.
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Well, I understand if basic bitches have no TACT when it comes to flirting with straight guys and scare them off, but sis you know very well that ain't happening over hurr.

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I keep my straight mens happy.
 
kitchenmotors said:
Well, I understand if basic bitches have no TACT when it comes to flirting with straight guys and scare them off, but sis you know very well that ain't happening over hurr.

fY5G2.gif


I keep my straight mens happy.
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You mean the one that keeps running off to play Halo all the time with random girls?

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Natetan said:
I don't know, I don't like to talk about it. Granted I live in Japan sonits different here.
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Are you Japanese and/or work with Japanese people?

If so, I can understand that. Things are a little... behind the times over there. I know I certainly put more emphasis on girls while I was there. As for your boyfriend though... his behaviour seems a little odd. I mean, the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy was repealed but even then the testimonies I heard suggested that most of the soldiers didn't care. I guess that's mostly personal anecdote though so situation could be different from person to person.

But if he's been in the military for 10 years... that would suggest he's a little bit older. Doesn't he get tired of the charade or does he plan to spend his life tiptoeing around the issue?
 
BeesEight said:
Are you Japanese and/or work with Japanese people?

If so, I can understand that. Things are a little... behind the times over there. I know I certainly put more emphasis on girls while I was there. As for your boyfriend though... his behaviour seems a little odd. I mean, the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy was repealed but even then the testimonies I heard suggested that most of the soldiers didn't care. I guess that's mostly personal anecdote though so situation could be different from person to person.

But if he's been in the military for 10 years... that would suggest he's a little bit older. Doesn't he get tired of the charade or does he plan to spend his life tiptoeing around the issue?
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He's in his 40's. He's comfortable with the way he does things, and i would prefer this than some person advocating gay rights everywhere. (I once tore down a gay pride flag from a SOs apartment while I was staying at his place when he was out of town). He's met most of my family and friends and they all know. I'm not going to tell him how to live his life. And like I said he works in intellegence/espianoge, he's used to seperating aspects of his life.

I'm not Japanese but have worked primarily in an all Japanese people/language environment.
 
Alrighty I've been seeing this really nice guy, but I'm not sexually attracted to him. He's perfect outside of that. Treats me real good, maybe it's because I haven't been putting out.

I like him, but not sexually.
 
Natetan said:
I'm not Japanese but have worked primarily in an all Japanese people/language environment.
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Did you have a previous account here under a different name? There was someone several years ago who was a gay foreigner living in Japan for some time and used that same avatar.
 
Spent an awful morning with a gay guy at uni who was insistent that gay men are so much more superior to heterosexual men. He changed the subject when I told him that I have a lot more fun going out with straight men than I do with gays.
 
Phonomezer said:
Spent an awful morning with a gay guy at uni who was insistent that gay men are so much more superior to heterosexual men. He changed the subject when I told him that I have a lot more fun going out with straight men than I do with gays.
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From my experience most gay men are shitty people. The one you encountered sounds like a shitty person too.
 
Has anyone ever been in a relationship where one person pretends or fakes it to everything is back to normal without addressing the issue. Sometimes I wonder if he really knows what my issues are and if he's ignoring it or actually trying to fix it or change.

When I say "I want to spend time alone for a bit", he gets frustrated, like his half-baked attempt to 'try' doesn't work and then he gets frustrated about it. Maybe I'm being to pessimistic and thinking he doesn't care as much. I think he does, he just doesn't show it, and it hurts sometimes.
 
Dany M said:
Has anyone ever been in a relationship where one person pretends or fakes it to everything is back to normal without addressing the issue. Sometimes I wonder if he really knows what my issues are and if he's ignoring it or actually trying to fix it or change.

When I say "I want to spend time alone for a bit", he gets frustrated, like his half-baked attempt to 'try' doesn't work and then he gets frustrated about it. Maybe I'm being to pessimistic and thinking he doesn't care as much. I think he does, he just doesn't show it, and it hurts sometimes.
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How long have you been together?
 
Dany M said:
First relationship and 2 and half months.
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I'd definitely explain to him when I say I want time alone. He may take that as a sign you're pulling away or don't want to be around him. Communicating clearly your wants and expectations is the only way you can both be on the same page and make honest efforts to making the relationship work.
 
Teh Hamburglar said:
I'd definitely explain to him when I say I want time alone. He may take that as a sign you're pulling away or don't want to be around him. Communicating clearly your wants and expectations is the only way you can both be on the same page and make honest efforts to making the relationship work.
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Yeah, explaining it a bit more might help. Communication usually helps avoid misunderstandings.
 
We try, or I try and I dunno, I feel like its all for naught after a few hours where everything is back to as they were. Meh, a weekend away from the city is worth it.
 
Natetan said:
He's in his 40's. He's comfortable with the way he does things, and i would prefer this than some person advocating gay rights everywhere. (I once tore down a gay pride flag from a SOs apartment while I was staying at his place when he was out of town). He's met most of my family and friends and they all know. I'm not going to tell him how to live his life. And like I said he works in intellegence/espianoge, he's used to seperating aspects of his life.

I'm not Japanese but have worked primarily in an all Japanese people/language environment.
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Ha, well if it works for you two then it works. I would like to think there's a middle ground between "we can't be seen leaving the same building at the same time" and "must shout gay pride from the rooftops every morning."

And yeah, as for your work environment, I wouldn't be telling them either. I had one co-worker - very nice man, I should add - adamantly spend a good portion of a nomikai explaining to me in that curious broken English/half-Japanese way that Japan doesn't have that "gay problem."

So... yeah. Lots of curious social issues surrounding that country.

Prez said:
From my experience most gay men are shitty people. The one you encountered sounds like a shitty person too.
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Most gay people or most Fabulous! people?

Not being snarky or anything, I just don't know a lot of gay people and the few I've met seem to run the gamut of personality types. Granted, once you try dating some then it gets harder to find the good ones but that goes for guys and girls.

Teh Hamburglar said:
How long have you been together?
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Hamburglar, I miss your old avatar already.
 
BeesEight said:
Ha, well if it works for you two then it works. I would like to think there's a middle ground between "we can't be seen leaving the same building at the same time" and "must shout gay pride from the rooftops every morning."

And yeah, as for your work environment, I wouldn't be telling them either. I had one co-worker - very nice man, I should add - adamantly spend a good portion of a nomikai explaining to me in that curious broken English/half-Japanese way that Japan doesn't have that "gay problem."

So... yeah. Lots of curious social issues surrounding that country.



Most gay people or most Fabulous! people?

Not being snarky or anything, I just don't know a lot of gay people and the few I've met seem to run the gamut of personality types. Granted, once you try dating some then it gets harder to find the good ones but that goes for guys and girls.



Hamburglar, I miss your old avatar already.[/QUOTE

Yeah I'm a bit frustrated with a friend of mine at work. He's really the first Japanese straight male friend I've made. He lived in San Francisco and LA for like 8years or something, seemed to have picked up the culture and language of the region but some how missed the social aspects of what is to me two of the gayest cities in the world. Since I've come out to some people at the office he avoids hanging out with me alone, and seems pretty uncomfortable talking about my personal life. He (although granted not him alone) mock this guy on my team for being girly ( i dont think he is by any standard) and he's now nicknamed him 'princess'. Every time they go into it with him all I can think of is what they really think about me and my personal life.

It amazes me how Japanese all want to go live abroad and think everything especially incalofornia is so perfect and amazing, yet they pick up zero of the socially progressive aspects. I learned recently this guy smokes pot even still now that he's back in Japan occasionally so it seems like smoking pot is ok but he seems less than comfortable with gay people. Frustrating because over the last year we had become really good friends, but of courses anything I say now (we used to talk alone more, you're not as friendly to me anymore, etc) will be misconstrued as hitting on him. I have been mildly attracted to him but of course kept that in check he's straight but all this recently has made feel a really strange mixture of emotions. I wish it could just be the way it was before.

I have so many straight western male friends that have no problem with my gay life, it sucks how difficult it is for at least this friend. The other Japanese people at my office also seem at a loss for words on how to take it too (and most of them have lived abroad). They're not rude about it and I mention it to them ('what are you doing tomorrow?' Hanging out with the bf' silence).

A lot of you will probably say 'throw this guy to the curb' but I guess I'm used to being the token gay friend. I know my best friend wasn't that comfortable with it at first. He didn't respond to me for two weeks after I emailed him about it. But now we talk about it. I'm hoping he can learn what one gay person is like and change his way of thinking. He had gotten better from 'not wanting to talk about it' to asking me how long me and my SO have been together. I guess I'm not willing to give up on a friend on a mind set towards gays and masculinity that aren't necessarily set in stone.
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DR2K said:
Alrighty I've been seeing this really nice guy, but I'm not sexually attracted to him. He's perfect outside of that. Treats me real good, maybe it's because I haven't been putting out.

I like him, but not sexually.
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Yeah im not sure its meant to be then. That half is pretty important to long lasting relationship.

Right?

Sucks though that otherwise its a fit.
 
DR2K said:
Alrighty I've been seeing this really nice guy, but I'm not sexually attracted to him. He's perfect outside of that. Treats me real good, maybe it's because I haven't been putting out.

I like him, but not sexually.
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that's something you should tell someone asap, in order to avoid confusion and just out of pure respect to someone who is likely (surely) spending time with you because he expects to go somewhere, a place where sex takes place..

you already told him.... right??
 
Natetan said:
It amazes me how Japanese all want to go live abroad and think everything especially incalofornia is so perfect and amazing, yet they pick up zero of the socially progressive aspects. I learned recently this guy smokes pot even still now that he's back in Japan occasionally so it seems like smoking pot is ok but he seems less than comfortable with gay people.
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Wait, seriously?! Dude may be crazy what with the laws in Japan concerning pot being beyond draconian.

I have so many straight western male friends that have no problem with my gay life, it sucks how difficult it is for at least this friend. The other Japanese people at my office also seem at a loss for words on how to take it too (and most of them have lived abroad). They're not rude about it and I mention it to them ('what are you doing tomorrow?' Hanging out with the bf' silence).
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I really do think Japan is about fifteen to twenty years behind in social issues. I think the reason they're so... awkward around it is because likely the most exposure they've gotten is either through what American media has trickled in or what little is in the Japanese media. And when the only real representation is Hardo Gay, it probably isn't hard to believe that the issues are just made up.

I have no idea how difficult it must be to actually grow up gay in Japan. I'm pretty certain one of my students was (statistically speaking a couple of them had to be) and it has to be incredibly isolating. I think as a culture they've managed to convince themselves that it's a "western" problem despite the well documented instances of it throughout their own history.

A lot of you will probably say 'throw this guy to the curb' but I guess I'm used to being the token gay friend. I know my best friend wasn't that comfortable with it at first. He didn't respond to me for two weeks after I emailed him about it. But now we talk about it. I'm hoping he can learn what one gay person is like and change his way of thinking. He had gotten better from 'not wanting to talk about it' to asking me how long me and my SO have been together. I guess I'm not willing to give up on a friend on a mind set towards gays and masculinity that aren't necessarily set in stone.
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Well, there's really not much that can be done about it now other than to hope he'll come around eventually. Wish I could give something more positive but I really don't know how it'll turn out since I avoided it and the people who were gay that I knew over there never mentioned it either. I do find their conception of masculinity pretty hilarious since it's so far beyond what westerners consider.

How's your Japanese? I almost feel like being able to speak the language could be a real plus if they ever want to ask you about it. Though, given the culture, it would have to be a really straight forward person to be that bold.
 
Teh Hamburglar said:
I don't think so. Just the two Batman Christmas ones. Branislov's ass. Oh, I did change it briefly today with fat Spider Man but that was just a quick joke. So, I guess you're right.
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Lol i had a friend who I used to play CoH with (where we met too actually) and your avvy switching just reminded me of him. He had the worst case of alt-itis.
 
BeesEight said:
Wait, seriously?! Dude may be crazy what with the laws in Japan concerning pot being beyond draconian.



I really do think Japan is about fifteen to twenty years behind in social issues. I think the reason they're so... awkward around it is because likely the most exposure they've gotten is either through what American media has trickled in or what little is in the Japanese media. And when the only real representation is Hardo Gay, it probably isn't hard to believe that the issues are just made up.

I have no idea how difficult it must be to actually grow up gay in Japan. I'm pretty certain one of my students was (statistically speaking a couple of them had to be) and it has to be incredibly isolating. I think as a culture they've managed to convince themselves that it's a "western" problem despite the well documented instances of it throughout their own history.



Well, there's really not much that can be done about it now other than to hope he'll come around eventually. Wish I could give something more positive but I really don't know how it'll turn out since I avoided it and the people who were gay that I knew over there never mentioned it either. I do find their conception of masculinity pretty hilarious since it's so far beyond what westerners consider.

How's your Japanese? I almost feel like being able to speak the language could be a real plus if they ever want to ask you about it. Though, given the culture, it would have to be a really straight forward person to be that bold.
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Yeah I cringed a bit when he said he smokes pot. Said he did it like six months ago. I guess I try to be Tolerant because I'm expecting people to be tolerant of me. But I know people get deported every year for doing it so I would never do it here.

My Japanese is near native, and he and I speak in Japanese. I think it would be a minus because if they ask in English it sort of separates them from the gayness or whatever.

You're right the media doesn't help. The only gay people most Japanese people see are the onee on tv like matsuko deluxe mitsu mangrove and ikko (actually those are all new half but whatever) and the like. I'm sure he saw a lot of faggy stereotypes in San Francisco and LA when he was there which doesn't help my cause. I've learned recently he's the bullying type, but I drew a line in the sand a long time ago and he never even tries to do it to me. I still wonder if he bullied or at least bad mouthed a lot of gay people when he was living in the US. Would be great of there were some normal people in Japan (and the west, some pretty aweful stereotypes) on TV.

It's just been a 180 because we were pretty close good friends and I thought he was a kind nice responsible person. He sort of heads up a lot of the volunteer and philanthropy activities at my company. So it's shocking almost to see this really quite negative side to him. I'm somewhat confident that with time hell get better. I think he's seen a lot if the other straight (especially western) guys around me not having an issue with it and he's met some of my straight guy friends so he's starting to understand you can be friends with a gay guy. Hopefully he'll comfortable to just hang out and talk to me individually again and not feel his sexuality threatened.
 
Natetan said:
Hopefully he'll comfortable to just hang out and talk to me individually again and not feel his sexuality threatened.
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I was gonna write that. I feel like most straight guys who feel uncomfortable around gays do so because it somehow threatens their sexuality. I can't think of any other reason to be uncomfortable around gay people as a whole.

Sadly, although being gay is becoming more and more accepted or at least tolerated, there is still so groundwork to do in exposing people to diversity in order to make them more accepting. It sucks, it's frustrating, disheartening sometimes but that's just the way it is.
 
Alcoori said:
I was gonna write that. I feel like most straight guys who feel uncomfortable around gays do so because it somehow threatens their sexuality. I can't think of any other reason to be uncomfortable around gay people as a whole.

Sadly, although being gay is becoming more and more accepted or at least tolerated, there is still so groundwork to do in exposing people to diversity in order to make them more accepting. It sucks, it's frustrating, disheartening sometimes but that's just the way it is.
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Yeah at least in this case it is. I mean we have a bunch in common. We met through a friend when we went skiing together, he's gotten into hiking lately and we have similar taste in (or at least I really like his) taste in music which never happens for me.

I can see where some people might feel uncomfortable if they have nothing in common, just like with anybody else. But we had been friends for a good 8 months or so before he learned I was gay.
 
sphinx said:
that's something you should tell someone asap, in order to avoid confusion and just out of pure respect to someone who is likely (surely) spending time with you because he expects to go somewhere, a place where sex takes place..

you already told him.... right??
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No I'm trying to see if I can get past that. Besides that he's perfect.
 
DR2K said:
No I'm trying to see if I can get past that. Besides that he's perfect.
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I say try. Sex will fade, the other stuff won't.

I think people expect things to be this destiny match of perfect mutual sexual and emotional attraction. Doesn't always start that way and might not end up that way either. But doesn't mean you don't enjoy the person and care about them.
 
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