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Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
That really, really sucks - I haven't been in that situation at all but that sounds absolutely miserable.
How old are you, out of curiosity? Do you live with her?
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Gay and Bisexual thread |OT2|Bears and Twinks and Otters. Oh My!
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That really, really sucks - I haven't been in that situation at all but that sounds absolutely miserable.
How old are you, out of curiosity? Do you live with her?
excelforward
Member
That does, in fact, sound like a nightmare. Especially given that you're supposed to be able to trust this person, now have them turn it around on you and make the situation worse. I'm so sorry.
How soon can you get out?
PowderedToast
Junior Member
21, and yeah i live with her
i don't think she can believe it herself. doesn't prevent from her saying the likes of "can't you just date another girl", "please don't act on it yet", "it's absolutely killed me"
wonderful. i only said i was fucking bisexual
i don't think she can believe it herself. doesn't prevent from her saying the likes of "can't you just date another girl", "please don't act on it yet", "it's absolutely killed me"
wonderful. i only said i was fucking bisexual
PowderedToast
Junior Member
i've been looking for a job since i left college 6 months ago and still haven't got one, so i have no money and no other possible places to live
i just feel like a fucking idiot for making life worse for myself. i really thought she was going to basically say "just be safe". funny how things work.
SpaceBridge
Member
One of first true life lessons I learnt in adulthood: family are the first to disappoint and abandon you. Unfortunate but true.
sorry dude. that's really hard. when you say that you only told her you were bisexual, do you mean that you are actually gay, or were you just highlighting that she is being like that when you are only bisexual anyways?
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Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
Well don't worry. Suck it up and humor her bullshit - until you have the independence and can leave if you need to. It sucks it turned out to be a dead end - but people CAN change. You'll just be in a much better place if you take a deep breath, and don't keep it HIDDEN but don't...invite any of her bullshit, yknow - and then once you can leave, then be yourself.
I can't stress how important it is to make sure you can be independent before going full bore with this. While we really like to have family figures like that endorse it and be supportive, that's simply not the case for everyone - so you're not alone at all.
Hang in there, be strong, get your life assembled and ready, then strike out on your own as who you really are.
Man, it sucks, but I'm really against the idea that our relatives should be somehow "special" - they're people and people can have really bad traits. Sucks that it has to be your mother, but if you're going to be open about it I doubt she'll be the only person you encounter that will react negatively. Learn to not care, be happier. It may sound a bit harsh but I honestly think it's the best thing you can do.
Congrats!
You are pretty cute, but I have never heard of a boner inducing face... (assuming you weren't naked when you opened the door)
Sorry, it sounds awkward and hilarious!
You're not an idiot. Coming out is an important step in your life. You'd be an idiot to lie and pretend you're something you're not. You have to give these things time. I'm sure if she really loves you she'll come around.
I really wish more people would participate. It really changes how you look at some people, in a good way
I agree, that's why I went and did it. I may just keep a real pic of me throughout the year but I don't know yet.
PowderedToast
Junior Member
thanks. and yeah, the latter.
thank you, for the past few days my head has just been swirling and i can't think straight about anything. i've just found it so difficult to find a job and i don't have enough qualifications for university, which could've acted as a ticket out of here. i don't know whether or not to just ignore her and do what i want now, maybe if she sees me happy with a boy she might come to her fucking senses. this is self proclaimed liberal i'm talking about, a mother who has repeatedly told me and my brothers all through growing up that it was okay if we were gay. unbelievable.
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Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
That's really shocking - guess some people still have their hangups. Still, you planted the seed in her mind - maybe she'll be thinking about it a lot and eventually come to terms with it. Maybe.
The tough part is that you live with her, and as appealing and how RIGHT it would feel to toss out middle fingers, saying "fuck this shit I'm gonna be ME" sometimes you have to weather the storm before you get clear skies. Just hang in there, you'll be able to really be yourself soon. I hesitate when giving this advice though, because so many people say "well it's not right to live a lie" and I agree, but circumstances...they can be trouble. Everyone's got a different scenario and only you know how to truly handle it. Wishing the best for ya.
And you can always confide in us instead! It's not a real flesh and blood person (and certainly not someone you're as close to) but still. We're here. We listen.
I guess that's one of the problems as well, people think just because someone is liberal that they won't be against certain things. Either way its good you came out about it after highschool, it was ruff for me doing it in my highschool years. The shit I went through at least made me stronger I'll say that.
PowderedToast
Junior Member
yeah, i've been returning here over the past few days and the support has really helped. it's easy to get lost and fall into despair when you're only dealing with your own perspective.
i'll think about what you said, not sure how i will approach it in the long term yet. how long will this be a problem for? weeks, months, years? i will likely speak to her about it tonight and tell her that it's something she has to confront within herself. i am still her son. we were so close before this.
Bel Marduk
Banned
So sorry about that man. I've found that most people are homophobes because they don't actually know any gay people or in your mom's case, maybe she's disappointed that she won't get any grandchildren out of you. Either way, these things usually end up getting better and she most likely will get used to you being openly gay.
don't listen to this man!
ok there's truth in what you say, but my experience was the complete opposite, I expected to be kicked out but it didn't happen.
It was really hard, my parents still can't even pronounce the word "gay" or "homosexual", but they have been very supportive and have put all their effort in trying to make sense out of the situation.
You can't really trust anyone but that is a really depressing way to go through life, I would suggest to trust in people but always have a plan B, and don't let people fool you twice.
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Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
If you two were extremely close, maybe you should press harder. Let her know this isn't a choice...you know all the things. We're here for you if things go sweet or sour.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
He's bi tho.
honestly, if she has always said that and is fairly liberal, i would say there is definitely a chance she will get over it. for parents, it can be a huge shock even if they are supportive. you have spent your child's entire life (and even longer) constructing this idea of what they will be like when they are older, what career they will have, what their family will be like, where they will live, etc. when they come out, it changes that picture. it's shocking. there's also the idea that your kid is going to have to put up with a lot of hate too.
all you can do is move forward. you're going to deal with people being shitheads, but you'll also find some people be really supportive. whether your mom comes around or not, you are not alone and you can make your own happiness!
while my parents were supportive, my grandparents are pretty homophobic. i know it hit them really hard, and they were dicks about it, but it has been 4 years now and they ask me how i am and if i've met anyone. they used to just ignore it and not talk about it. sometimes it just takes time.
My dad also ultra liberal said some dumb stuff when I came out, but its nit an issue now.
I can't say you'll experience the same results but you might anyway. Just take some mental distance and give her space to get used to the idea. Id say rhst goes family but slso griebds cowokers etc, Or whatever you think is best
I still hate crossing that boundary even now. You never know what's going to happen. But I'm always willing to give people a chance to sit with the idea and get used to it.
I can't say you'll experience the same results but you might anyway. Just take some mental distance and give her space to get used to the idea. Id say rhst goes family but slso griebds cowokers etc, Or whatever you think is best
I still hate crossing that boundary even now. You never know what's going to happen. But I'm always willing to give people a chance to sit with the idea and get used to it.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
What did your dad say?
MyAbsolution
Member
Wouldnt this just be different for everyone.
Yeah, I've never felt abandoned or disappointed by my family, but I know some have.
"I was always ok with it when it was someone else's kid"
Bel Marduk
Banned
Wow, that's a really dumb thing to say. Glad he's better now.
I don't think it's an uncommon sentiment in people who think they identify as social liberals. In a way it might be refreshing to be around someone who openly despises gays then to think you can confide in someone to unpeel these tacit layers of homophobia.
HappyPuppy
Member
Dam! No vagina stories. I'm asking the wrong crowd. Going to ask my straight friends or boyfriend about them. I wonder what they smell like.
Again I don't think liberal means anything in some cases like these. The majority of the places in my state are liberal but when it comes to gay issues its a no go to some people.
I should also say that my mom was more excepting of me being bi than my dad and both my parents are liberal. You have to remember they've grown up different and not everyone is willing to except change at the same pace.
CHEEZMO
Obsidian fan
Durian.
RatskyWatsky
Hunky Nostradamus
I think that the defining moment when I transitioned from young person to fully-fledged adult was when I realized that my parents were not perfect human beings. Although I love them dearly, they are as -if not more- flawed than I am. I realized they didn't necessarily have MY best interest in mind, but rather their idea of what's best for me.
I still value their advice but sometimes they just need to be told that they're being idiots.
It's dumb but a pretty common thing though. At least he vocalized it.
PowderedToast
Junior Member
yeah, she kept reiterating that she was in shock, but when i suggested the possibility that it ruined her 'projection' of me (grandchildren, etc) she poo-pooed it. she was probably lying about that. that first paragraph really rings true about her behaviour and possible thought process.
i have always considered her a really kind and considerate person, that's why this really blindsided and upset me. it's not her character at all.
i really appreciate this guys, i'm already feeling slightly more hopeful about the end outcome.
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Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
Many claps on the shoulder from me to you. You've got this all under control too
Ollie Pooch
In a perfect world, we'd all be homersexual
I think we have so long to think about it and deal with it that when you drop the bomb with a family member sometimes it's a massive shock. I know when I told my dad he was 100% super supportive but I found out later that he was a little freaked out at the time (but didn't tell me).
A friend of mine has a similar sitaution - his mum is taking 'gay counselling' whatever the hell that is. But she's slowly coming around, and called one of us 'hot' the other day after we left from visiting him. Haha. Like others have said I think you just have to be patient and ride out the tough parts and eventually she'll get over it.
Has anyone here experienced anything... traumatic when you guys/gals came out to your parents? I was planning to this holiday but my mom got sick. I only told one of my brothers and he;s cool with it and we're totally fine. I trust my sister and brother will be fine, its just my parents, especially my mom. We're close and reading this :/ I dunno
Bel Marduk
Banned
CHEEZMO;46443237 said:
I've always wanted to try one of those. It looks like such a beautiful fruit.. plus I've never heard of a fruit so disliked.
trudderham
Member
I didn't have the guts to tell my mum face-to-face or on the phone, so I wrote her a letter, posted it and went to stay with my bf for a few days. I was only 17 and it was a 50 mile train journey. So an epic trip at the time!
She phoned me up the next morning and was really good about it. We had a nice long chat. She told my brothers, dad and the rest of the family for me before I got home, so in a way I only had to tell one person. Glad I opened up while still young. I have friends in their 30s who still keep it a secret from family.
lmao if my dad had said this to me i woulda decked him. i almost did when he was spouting his stupid bullshit to me when i came out to him. family can be dumb as fuck.
i told my mom in the morning (i was in a rush to work) that i wanted to talk to her after work, but of course this planted a seed that something was wrong and she pounded my phone with texts while i was working. i wanted to do it in person, but she was freaking out thinking i got someone pregnant (lol) or something, so i sent it in a text. by the time i got home from work, she had told my dad and brother. i felt so lame for having come out through a text lol, but oh well.
Meicyn
Member
Look on the bright side folks. At least your mothers aren't making insane suggestions to get circumcised in order to fix the gay, and then go give sex with girls another shot. Because that's what my mom keeps doing. Repeatedly. She's an expert on how the penis works, you see. If she's not busy repeating that utterly stupid idea, she's busy blaming herself for not going to church or some shit enough, and that god is punishing her by making me gay. God's kind of an asshole like that.
Oh and, I'm apparently not supposed to date anyone, ever, if I'm not going to date a woman. If I'm going to be gay, then gosh darn it, I should be alone and miserable! Thanks mom! What's that? Why don't I call home often? I haven't the faintest idea.
Oh and, I'm apparently not supposed to date anyone, ever, if I'm not going to date a woman. If I'm going to be gay, then gosh darn it, I should be alone and miserable! Thanks mom! What's that? Why don't I call home often? I haven't the faintest idea.
kitchenmotors
Banned
I still haven't told my Mom, but there is this unspoken thing between us. She knows but doesn't bother me about it, never bothered me about dating, getting married, or grandchildren. I do plan to adopt in the future though, I love kids.
I did come out to my Dad after meeting him this summer after 25 years. He completely accepted me, even told me he had doubts when he was a young man. His whole side of the family knows, even my brothers, and everyone is cool with it.
I've been rather lucky that I've never had an issue coming out to anyone, I feel bad for those who have to go through bullshit.
I did come out to my Dad after meeting him this summer after 25 years. He completely accepted me, even told me he had doubts when he was a young man. His whole side of the family knows, even my brothers, and everyone is cool with it.
I've been rather lucky that I've never had an issue coming out to anyone, I feel bad for those who have to go through bullshit.
Speaking of coming out, it's something i know i have to do, but have no interest in doing.
wait...what?
wait...what?
Meicyn
Member
Yeah, that was my reaction too when she first said it. I thought at first that it was just the initial shock of my coming out affecting her judgment, but then she kept at it on later phone conversations.
My life is comedy.
My experience was completely unremarkable. No positive or negative side effects, just a bit of awkwardness and surprise during the process and then everything went back to normal. I was underwhelmed since it seems to be an important "step" for some people.
Then no, you don't have to do it.
Spiritreaver
Member
Gays don't understand SWTOR's story progression system!
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