ClassyPenguin
Banned
I am a mess.
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Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
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Thanks Hum, but I really don't feel they are great. As I said, I took them on the park in front of my home (from the sidewalk).
If the bolded part was sarcasm, I didn't get it :/
That's not a bad song, though I got bored by the end.
Collete
Member
Same here.
On the bright side, not all messes are you and you're on your own path to success.
You're an unique mess that stumbles from time to time. Nothing wrong with that.
Also doing double dose of valerian and I don't feel much different...I think I got a dud bottle...Damn this sucks....
*huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugs
You know I'm always willing to help you Heapy!
I love talking to you guys about stuff and you're a lot of fun. I definitely dont have to tell you where you can find me if you wanna talk
I admire your courage and strength and I will always do my best to help you out if you ask.
Love you man.
I need a friend to talk to. All my old friends who I relied on for advice when I was a teenager in high school are now married with children, church-going guys with families back in the states who live what they consider to be a "normal" life even if they are short on cash or whatever, they always talk about how happy they are. I'm not sure if they are really happy or not, but they present that front, and even if they are miserable, at least they have someone to share it with.
I don't have any "real" friends who I can spill my guts to anymore. I live in Beijing. I'm successful in my job, making a lot of money, popular with girls (too popular, in fact) but I can't stop myself from being a cheating bastard who likes to try and sleep with random trash even though I'm in a "relationship" which is really just a girl who I see on a regular basis.
I'm divorced, no children, no responsibilities in that regard, but I think that was the moment that turned my life around and sent me abroad to escape from the heartache that came along with it. It also turned me into a selfish bastard who doesn't think about other peoples feelings and I only strive for self gratification at the expense of others.
Now I'm stressed all the time. Sometimes I just sit at home with the adrenaline rushing through me, nerves and stress all bundled up together, feeling like a piece of shit. On my days off I sit at home all day doing nothing but watching TV and movies and playing games and on the internet. I have friends who I go out and drink with but I don't think of them as people who i can really open up to and spill out my innermost thoughts to. We just bullshit and have a good time and I'm thankful for them but they don't satisfy the need to open up.
The only time I can keep my mind off my misery is when I'm immersed in a show or a game or in my work. Anyway, sorry to vent here but I guess I'm depressed and have been so for a while.
I don't have any "real" friends who I can spill my guts to anymore. I live in Beijing. I'm successful in my job, making a lot of money, popular with girls (too popular, in fact) but I can't stop myself from being a cheating bastard who likes to try and sleep with random trash even though I'm in a "relationship" which is really just a girl who I see on a regular basis.
I'm divorced, no children, no responsibilities in that regard, but I think that was the moment that turned my life around and sent me abroad to escape from the heartache that came along with it. It also turned me into a selfish bastard who doesn't think about other peoples feelings and I only strive for self gratification at the expense of others.
Now I'm stressed all the time. Sometimes I just sit at home with the adrenaline rushing through me, nerves and stress all bundled up together, feeling like a piece of shit. On my days off I sit at home all day doing nothing but watching TV and movies and playing games and on the internet. I have friends who I go out and drink with but I don't think of them as people who i can really open up to and spill out my innermost thoughts to. We just bullshit and have a good time and I'm thankful for them but they don't satisfy the need to open up.
The only time I can keep my mind off my misery is when I'm immersed in a show or a game or in my work. Anyway, sorry to vent here but I guess I'm depressed and have been so for a while.
summer in particular is the worst for this
from a few days ago but this describes me to a tee.
Dont be sorry to vent here. Its one of the things this thread is for.
Snkfanatic
Banned
Over the last few years it is getting harder and harder to have the will or desire to keep going. Then something else happens and things get worse.
Most of my life recently has been wishing everything was over.....I am getting really tired of living like this.
Most of my life recently has been wishing everything was over.....I am getting really tired of living like this.
Collete
Member
What's been happening?
Snkfanatic
Banned
I feel lonely all the time, of the few friends I have left everyone is getting engaged, married, etc etc. I haven't had a relationship or any real physical contact in almost 10 years. I have a terrible self image so I just can't stand the sight of me. I am sure this projects along with my not so happy attitude I have most of the time.
My career if you even want to call that is at a dead end. I am starting to hate that with a passion as well. I used to love it, now it has become another source of not feeling good enough. I am an artist by the way.
My health is getting worse, I haven't been to the dentist in almost a decade and still have my wisdom teeth those are starting to bother me. I have an ulcer that drives my stomach mad whenever I get slightly anxious or upset which as you would image happens all the time.. Went to the eye doctor earlier this year and was told I have very bad pressure in my right eye which could lead to partial blindness. Things are getting blurry all the time in that eye now.
I live paycheck to paycheck with a good amount of debt from earlier fuck ups in my life. I am trying to fix it but when the money isn't there I feel like I am trapped in a never ending cycle.
Last year I got the closest I ever have to ending it. If it wasn't for what it would do to my family I wouldn't be here anymore. My mother lost her brother to suicide and she is fragile already I know what it would to her....
I think way to much about what people do around me and read to much into them. My one really good friend I have, I constantly think he is out to get me when somehow I know later on he is not. I don't know why I keep going back to this but it just happens. He is my roomate and watching his life go great isn't helping. He travels all the time and has a new car, girlfriend, good career and we just moved to the house he just bought. He is 2 years younger than me...meanwhile I am struggling just to pay the bills.
I just hate living like this. Basically putting up a front so that everyone thinks I am ok. Meanwhile every day I just wish I was dead.
I am sorry if this is just a huge rant and is all over the place...
scar tissue
Banned
Well, this is interesting. I had no idea there was an actual term for this.
I'm constantly sabotaging myself by procrastinating, either by surfing the internet or doing household chores, which leads to lots of last second cramming.
I also wait until the last second before writing my essays. More than once I've hit the submit button minutes or even seconds away from midnight.
Fucking sucks. Ironically, my grades are still better than somewhere around half of the other students.
I understand you, but can't actually relate. My case is the opposite: I have friends in real life, some close ones, but there are absolutely zero girls in my life. Wanna trade?
Don't worry about venting, that's one of the reasons we're here.
I don't know what advice could I give you. The obvious one seems to be "Stop cheating, you fool!", but I'm not sure if that's easier said than done.
I've been writing a lot of journal entries about hopelessness, where it comes from, how it feels. In my last suicide post, I told my friends that this was a train that may be on a collision course and urged them to get off now, while they could. People love me and that's great but I don't want to drag them down with me.
No one wants to bail which I guess is great for loyalty points but some do distance themselves. Maybe they're afraid the depression will rub off on them. Sometimes it does.
When you have a pretty good idea of the trajectory of your life (short of some major medical breakthrough and how often do those happen?), it feels like it's not worth living it. And that's just the optimistic downward trajectory, not including other health issues popping up, or loved ones dying, or getting evicted or any number of unpleasant factors.
Its 1:40 pm. This day will be just like all the rest.
No one wants to bail which I guess is great for loyalty points but some do distance themselves. Maybe they're afraid the depression will rub off on them. Sometimes it does.
When you have a pretty good idea of the trajectory of your life (short of some major medical breakthrough and how often do those happen?), it feels like it's not worth living it. And that's just the optimistic downward trajectory, not including other health issues popping up, or loved ones dying, or getting evicted or any number of unpleasant factors.
Its 1:40 pm. This day will be just like all the rest.
Regardless or your grades, you need to take this problem seriously now because its going to be harder the longer you delay it, and it can get worse. If there is a councilor or some person you can talk to at your school, you should schedule an appointment. If you don,t deal with it its going to negatively impact your life.
One of the reasons people do it is because if something goes well they can think "It went well in spite of not trying my best Im awesome" and if it goes bad they can blame external factors other than their own abilities.
Collete
Member
I know how it feels when you feel like good people are out to get you. You feel horrible when at the end of the day you realize they aren't out to get you at all. I don't know the best to combat them but please keep trying to realize that he is probably looking out for you in the best way possible but can't show it well.
As for the debt, is there no way for your family to help you out in the slightest?
Also I know it's tough to stop looking around you and see what others succeed and what you haven't. Keep in mind though, even surviving despite what you're going through is a success in itself. You may not enjoy art right now, but I think it's a success you're still somewhat getting by being an artist. I would love to do that some day.
However if you don't want to be in the career you're in now, may I suggest you try to take a few classes at a community college? You don't have to be a full time student, but inching towards a degree could help turn your life around.
If it feels overwhelming to do any of this stuff, maybe you would benefit from free to low cost therapy in your city? I know they have sliding scales so you won't be able to pay more than you can.
I don't know what I can suggest about your health, and I know you know to relax, this may sound silly but have you ever tried to relax using youtube? What I mean is, a lot of videos have hypnotherapy or just to simply relax listening to the music and scenery in that video. I'll give you two as a sample, if you want more just PM me.
Hypnotherapy
Relax 10 minutes
Sorry I'm not entirely helpful...
A family member just posted this on Facebook.
Yeah, ha ha grumpy cat and all, but it still brings into what I was saying earlier about fucking happy people.
It you don't have friends outside of the computer and then you try to reach out to people online, people just smack it down and don't want to hear it.
I made a comment about "What if you want to get help from your Facebook fam?" the response was that "Do it in private message!"
maybe I am over analysis my emotions with this, but I feel that, even though there are perpetual whiny people, every now and then you have someone truly reaching out for help and it gets ignored because people stick their fingers in their ears and go "LALALAL CAN'T HEAR YOU LALAL ONLY WANT HAPPY THINGS LALALA" Or they say "I don't know what to do to help you."
I suppose it's one of the reasons why I have decided just to keep a lot of things in around friends and family and only really discuss small things in group therapy or CBT. It's frustrating to want actively want some form of help or care and not getting it that it's just easier to keep everything inside and just not worry about bugging people. I already feel I annoy people enough by just being alive, so god forbid I try to talk to people about what is eating me.
Yeah, ha ha grumpy cat and all, but it still brings into what I was saying earlier about fucking happy people.
It you don't have friends outside of the computer and then you try to reach out to people online, people just smack it down and don't want to hear it.
I made a comment about "What if you want to get help from your Facebook fam?" the response was that "Do it in private message!"
maybe I am over analysis my emotions with this, but I feel that, even though there are perpetual whiny people, every now and then you have someone truly reaching out for help and it gets ignored because people stick their fingers in their ears and go "LALALAL CAN'T HEAR YOU LALAL ONLY WANT HAPPY THINGS LALALA" Or they say "I don't know what to do to help you."
I suppose it's one of the reasons why I have decided just to keep a lot of things in around friends and family and only really discuss small things in group therapy or CBT. It's frustrating to want actively want some form of help or care and not getting it that it's just easier to keep everything inside and just not worry about bugging people. I already feel I annoy people enough by just being alive, so god forbid I try to talk to people about what is eating me.
A family member just posted this on Facebook.
That fucking pisses me off. Who would have the gall to post something like that? "Oh, gee. Reading about other people's unhappiness makes me unhappy so don't post about it!"
Assholes. If anything, I'd start writing more dreary posts just to drive them crazy.
I have a bunch of privacy settings set up in Facebook. 250 friends and only 30 at best know what's happening in my life and only 14 of those *really* know what's happening in my life.
Lionheart1827
Member
Hey GAF.
Some of you might remember me from my recent cancer thread this past year. Although, I tried to paint a courageous and often hopeful scene with my posts, things have been absolutely terrible for me lately.
About 4 years ago, I developed a weird phobia while I was at a bar with my friend. He had gone to the bathroom and I was sitting there thinking to myself "you know a lot of people get sick when they drink, but I never do." Then suddenly I started thinking of being nauseous and thought I was going to be sick right then and there. About a week later at work, it happened again after lunch. Ever since then I've been battling this phobia which is now turned into some kind of strange anxiety. Although, I am able to go about my life, (which was not possible when this first started happening), I cant enjoy it at all. About a year later thats when my wonderful girlfriend entered the picture, who stuck by me when I was laid off(not due to anxiety), was always there for me, the most patient and understanding woman I have ever met in my life, who was by my side getting me through cancer treatment this year.
Three weeks ago, my girlfriend, the girl who stuck by me throughout that whole ordeal, which I planned to marry at some point in the near future, has left me. It wasn't due to cheating or any big fights or anything, but simply due to my own anxiety issues. She knew I was trying hard, but I was definitely getting comfortable and complacent about it. Me being upset, anxious and not being able to enjoy a lot of my life eventually wore on her and she felt it was holding us back for way too long. I honestly dont blame her for feeling that way as it must've been hard, but, either way, I feel guilty as hell and that I lost the person I care about most due to something I couldnt really control. She said she wants to be single for awhile so she can figure things out, but I dont know how long that is, or if shes just trying to let me down easy. Either way, she was easily one of the biggest parts of my life, and seeing her go is such a shock to me, I can hardly take it. After the cancer scare, I thought her and I would be unbreakable, but I guess I was too naive.
I know this sounds like more like something that should be in the dating age thread, but my primary concerns lie in my anxiety/phobia about being nauseous/getting sick in public places - like meetings at work, on the train, restaurants(probably the hardest for me), and really anywhere else. Now due to her leaving, I'm extremely depressed and upset about it and its making me feel like my problems are destroying my life even more now. Nowadays, little things like headaches or weird stomach pains or bloating makes me worry and sets off that anxiety.
After this whole thing happened, I managed to find a psychotherapist that does CBT and I'm seeing him a 2nd time tomorrow. I'm not really interested in drugs unless its an absolute last resort as I've heard so many horror stories about antidepressants like SSRIs and such, especially as they have potential to make you nauseous, and not to mention take a few weeks to get any effect. I also had a physical dependency on Ativan during the 2nd half of my cancer treatment, which actually fixed my anxiety and nausea problem(for the most part) but the problem is it isnt a long term drug and it was HELL trying to taper down from it.
I feel like I have a good life that I cant enjoy at all, and it absolutely makes me miserable. I have a good job and work in Manhattan, had an incredible girlfriend that I lost due to this shit, I have a good amount of savings(though I still live at home due to other reasons for the time being), and I have a loving family. Not as many friends as I used to, but the question I keep asking myself is, whats the point if I cant enjoy it?
So thats why I'm here, primarily coming here to vent or to ask advice or whatever.
Some of you might remember me from my recent cancer thread this past year. Although, I tried to paint a courageous and often hopeful scene with my posts, things have been absolutely terrible for me lately.
About 4 years ago, I developed a weird phobia while I was at a bar with my friend. He had gone to the bathroom and I was sitting there thinking to myself "you know a lot of people get sick when they drink, but I never do." Then suddenly I started thinking of being nauseous and thought I was going to be sick right then and there. About a week later at work, it happened again after lunch. Ever since then I've been battling this phobia which is now turned into some kind of strange anxiety. Although, I am able to go about my life, (which was not possible when this first started happening), I cant enjoy it at all. About a year later thats when my wonderful girlfriend entered the picture, who stuck by me when I was laid off(not due to anxiety), was always there for me, the most patient and understanding woman I have ever met in my life, who was by my side getting me through cancer treatment this year.
Three weeks ago, my girlfriend, the girl who stuck by me throughout that whole ordeal, which I planned to marry at some point in the near future, has left me. It wasn't due to cheating or any big fights or anything, but simply due to my own anxiety issues. She knew I was trying hard, but I was definitely getting comfortable and complacent about it. Me being upset, anxious and not being able to enjoy a lot of my life eventually wore on her and she felt it was holding us back for way too long. I honestly dont blame her for feeling that way as it must've been hard, but, either way, I feel guilty as hell and that I lost the person I care about most due to something I couldnt really control. She said she wants to be single for awhile so she can figure things out, but I dont know how long that is, or if shes just trying to let me down easy. Either way, she was easily one of the biggest parts of my life, and seeing her go is such a shock to me, I can hardly take it. After the cancer scare, I thought her and I would be unbreakable, but I guess I was too naive.
I know this sounds like more like something that should be in the dating age thread, but my primary concerns lie in my anxiety/phobia about being nauseous/getting sick in public places - like meetings at work, on the train, restaurants(probably the hardest for me), and really anywhere else. Now due to her leaving, I'm extremely depressed and upset about it and its making me feel like my problems are destroying my life even more now. Nowadays, little things like headaches or weird stomach pains or bloating makes me worry and sets off that anxiety.
After this whole thing happened, I managed to find a psychotherapist that does CBT and I'm seeing him a 2nd time tomorrow. I'm not really interested in drugs unless its an absolute last resort as I've heard so many horror stories about antidepressants like SSRIs and such, especially as they have potential to make you nauseous, and not to mention take a few weeks to get any effect. I also had a physical dependency on Ativan during the 2nd half of my cancer treatment, which actually fixed my anxiety and nausea problem(for the most part) but the problem is it isnt a long term drug and it was HELL trying to taper down from it.
I feel like I have a good life that I cant enjoy at all, and it absolutely makes me miserable. I have a good job and work in Manhattan, had an incredible girlfriend that I lost due to this shit, I have a good amount of savings(though I still live at home due to other reasons for the time being), and I have a loving family. Not as many friends as I used to, but the question I keep asking myself is, whats the point if I cant enjoy it?
So thats why I'm here, primarily coming here to vent or to ask advice or whatever.
Yeah... I know that feeling...
It probably ain't good, healthy to blame society for my problems?
Honestly, there is some external stuff that does contribute to my depression heavily (stressing stuff, stuff i fret over because i cannot see any way to solve the problem in a manner that i find satisfactory). But it feels so easy to start blaming the system for all of my problems.
Doesn't sound healthy anyway, only cynical and bitter which may cause a negative-feedback loop, no?
EDIT my avatar is hilariously contradictory to the nature of this thread. Almost like sort of black comedy.
Honestly, there is some external stuff that does contribute to my depression heavily (stressing stuff, stuff i fret over because i cannot see any way to solve the problem in a manner that i find satisfactory). But it feels so easy to start blaming the system for all of my problems.
Doesn't sound healthy anyway, only cynical and bitter which may cause a negative-feedback loop, no?
EDIT my avatar is hilariously contradictory to the nature of this thread. Almost like sort of black comedy.
I never blame outside sources for my depression anymore... I always come back to believing it is all my fault. It's easier to blame myself than other people. If I try to blame other people, then I am unable to justify myself, so it's just easier to hold it all in.
Huh.
I can hate myself at times but usually even that is directed hate though, not general but about some specific, like how i handled some thing in the past (you know how depression just conjures up random memories and makes you regret them?).
But in general, i don't think my depression is my fault. I mean, how could it be? Sure, it makes me miserable, and not getting rid of it is my fault (i still haven't visited a therapist or some such despite claiming i've made up my mind about going to visit one)... but i can't bring myself to claim my depression is my fault.
Much easier to blame the system (Finland had cut psychiatric help funding when i was in elementary/middle school, so it may be very well possible the system missed that i may have had tendencies to depression), to claim it prevents me from getting anywhere (i reckon a change in my life could help my depression, or it might not), or to blame others for not noticing me, offering help. Very easy.
Rationally speaking, how the fuck would my depression be my fault? Brain-chemical-stuff, not sure how i can affect it myself. So, not my fault.
Current and past situations have contributed to my depression. So, for me, all of those past situations I should have been able to control them in some way, or I should have learned now to internalize them. I did a lot of things to myself growing up that still sort of haunt me because I did them. I was the one who isolated myself when I was a teen and all, so all of that was my fault. It's my fault that I don't have a lot of friends, am single, and am doing terrible in grad school. No one else.
Our actions do contribute and affect our own depression, but it sure as hell doesn't just start because of us. Presumably anyway, kind of gray area as far as our knowledge goes, AFAIK.
Now avoiding treating depression can be completely (more or less anyway) one's fault, like that i don't go anywhere (or at least saying i need help). And yeah, i know how hard it is to try to change, to get help, to do anything... just do it! (I'm not the best one to say this, being something of a hypocrite...Still, it doesn't mean my advice is invalid)
EDIT or think of it this way: force yourself to think about it from different POV, or some such. Stop wallowing in self-pity. Miserable pit, that one.
EDIT no offence, i'm just currently in a mood were depression sounds more or less just annoying whining. And depression is, well, causes whining quite often, not that we realize it at that moment.
eddfromtheriver
Banned
Oh... i can most definitely relate as well...
User 100115
Banned
If you want to talk man, feel free to PM me. You are a true artist, we aren't ready to lose you yet.
Man, you have been through some rough shit. And it's not all that unusual to develop something like this after a life changing event like surviving cancer. I am so happy you are seeing someone, let us know how it goes yeah? I wish I had better advice to give you, but we are here anytime you need to vent. Please feel free, or hop into chat and BS with us sometime
You haven't screwed up everything hon. Keep on hanging on, remember the lows are always temporary. /hug
Yup, so much this. I used to think that the world was unfair to me. Now I know how stupid I was back then. "The world" isn't a person that can screw me over. If something bad happens to me (or something good doesn't happen) then it's all my fault, no one else to blame.
I do remember that thread. I remember thinking that you had balls of steel. I still think that. I don't have any advice for you aside from I'm glad you're talking to someone. And us. There's a great community in this thread and I hope you stick around. We're pretty friendly.
I have, in the past, had a mental condition that had me thinking of ways to end my life. I still have it, but, at the moment at least and for the last ten years or so, I've managed to start leading a somewhat 'normal' life free of the medication that was making me feel like a zombie. I admit there was a time I needed that medication, otherwise I wouldn't be alive or outside prison walls today.
Anyway that's a little back story. The single thing that helped me the most was something a psychologist said to me at the end of my 5 compulsory visits. "When you came here you seemed like you were trapped in your own mind...". Up until that point in time, I'd been cleverly(or not so cleverly) trying to say all the right things so she wouldn't declare me insane and recommend I'd be put into a nut house.
But there was the truth of those words slapping me in the face. I was trapped in my own mind. A place so complex and confusing that I had no hope of finding a solution in there. All I was doing was beating myself up in there over a past that would never change. I'd done this wrong and that wrong and should have done this or that. So I made a conscious decision to get out of my own head and it helped a great deal. It turned my life around.
I've learned if I can't wrap my head around something in 5 minutes that I need to leave it and come back later. Or just not wrap my head around it at all.
Anyway that's a little back story. The single thing that helped me the most was something a psychologist said to me at the end of my 5 compulsory visits. "When you came here you seemed like you were trapped in your own mind...". Up until that point in time, I'd been cleverly(or not so cleverly) trying to say all the right things so she wouldn't declare me insane and recommend I'd be put into a nut house.
But there was the truth of those words slapping me in the face. I was trapped in my own mind. A place so complex and confusing that I had no hope of finding a solution in there. All I was doing was beating myself up in there over a past that would never change. I'd done this wrong and that wrong and should have done this or that. So I made a conscious decision to get out of my own head and it helped a great deal. It turned my life around.
I've learned if I can't wrap my head around something in 5 minutes that I need to leave it and come back later. Or just not wrap my head around it at all.
Also sometimes it's just no ones fault. Not yours or anyone else. It just happens.
Yeah, the world is shitty, but I cause all of my own problems.
This has been a really shameful and low month, and I've got some indication that the future could get rather negative on me rater quickly, and I have no plan or implicit go to or haven in case of emergencies. I'm kind of really high strung at the moment and maybe a little less than approachable because of that, always watching the corners. Maybe a little more worried than usual.
Collete
Member
It is never temporary...Till I disappear...
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Prax
Member
OMG GUYS I CAN FINALLY INTERNET AGAIN.
I don't even know if you guys miss me or notice me being gone, but I sure noticed~!
I'll be posting more in a day or so. I have to catch up with the goings-ons and wtf what happened to the GAF layout..???? Mannnnn.. I go away for a few days and all this STUFF happens.
I don't even know if you guys miss me or notice me being gone, but I sure noticed~!
I'll be posting more in a day or so. I have to catch up with the goings-ons and wtf what happened to the GAF layout..???? Mannnnn.. I go away for a few days and all this STUFF happens.
Were were just talking about how jealous we are of the guy that is marrying you. Congratz!
fushi
Member
Stephen Fry made a blogpost about his experiences with depression and suicidal thoughts. A snippet:
There's more at the link: http://www.stephenfry.com/2013/06/24/only-the-lonely
He also made a documentary about bipolar in 2006 with some famous people who suffer from it.
MisterLuffy
Member
It sucks that despite knowing my problems with myself mostly, I don't put any effort into changing myself. I don't like myself for some reasons, and I don't get why I'm leading towards to a negative future. As if the advices I've received repels from me. It's like I have less expectations of me changing myself. I feel as if my life is about to sink to the bottom. I have no power or will to make that happen. I feel like my life is over. No matter how positive I am when I hang out with my brothers and my cousins, my negativity is just there. I wish I could explain more clearly what I want to say, but I'm less on my vocabularies.
fushi
Member
This is exactly what therapy excels at. It gives you the vocabulary and eventually leads to an understanding of these things. And once you do understand them, it becomes easier to overcome them. And so on.
Lionheart1827
Member
I do remember that thread. I remember thinking that you had balls of steel. I still think that. I don't have any advice for you aside from I'm glad you're talking to someone. And us. There's a great community in this thread and I hope you stick around. We're pretty friendly.
Fiction said:Man, you have been through some rough shit. And it's not all that unusual to develop something like this after a life changing event like surviving cancer. I am so happy you are seeing someone, let us know how it goes yeah? I wish I had better advice to give you, but we are here anytime you need to vent. Please feel free, or hop into chat and BS with us sometime
Thanks guys. Hopefully I can frequent the thread more since I need as much support as I can get right now. Things just seem to be piling up on me. Upper neck pain has been giving me headaches, I've had decreased appetite ever since treatment ended, stomach issues in general, and I'm most likely having my port removal surgery this week or next. Not to mention my girl leaving me which killed a lot of the hope and courage I had.
I'm on the train right now on my longass commute. Still feeling extra shitty. I'm not too anxious right now but things can change at anytime for me.
I'm not sure if ill be able to report in after my session tonight since its at 8 and I really need to be in bed by 10 to get enough sleep, but I will at some point. Maybe over the weekend I can join in on the chat or something.
Snkfanatic
Banned
Thank you both for your words. It helps just to know someone is listening to my problems.
Feeling a little better today. Hopefully this feeling sticks around for a bit.
That describes me to a T. No way of changing the negative views, or start doing something to get my life on track and stop hating myself. Whenever something makes me happy, I'm instantly reminded by my own brain that I'm a failure and I shouldn't be enjoying it, so I'm back to feeling like shit (or apathetic, though lately it's been almost exclusively the former).
I can't help but wonder, is this how it's going to be until the day I die? Because if so, then what's the point of going on if life can't be enyojed, if every day is a constant fight against my own mind?
You have the best tag on GAF. You're a strong man who has had to deal with some serious shit, and you're still here. We're here for you, so if you ever need someone to talk to, or even to vent, don't think twice and post here, or PM someone if you don't wish to make it public.
Good luck with your therapy. Don't worry about not being able to post here if you can't do it soon, right now you should worry about getting help. You can always tell us how it went afterwards; your health is a priority.
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