Zimmerman was laid out upon the roof of the White House and bound with many strong chains of wicked iron, black and steadfast.
The Dark President came out and lay hands upon Zimmerman's head, and Zimmerman quailed from the touch. The hands were cold and hard as a tomb, but through the palms he could feel the pumping of blood - like savage drums in the old forests at the dawn of time.
"Now look thee upon the fields, warrior of thy people," bellowed Obama. "My workings are at last at hand. As soon as the council returns their verdict, you will pay."
Zimmerman laid eyes upon the marshlands of Washington, and his spirit failed. Like a thundercloud strangling the sun, great throngs of dark soldiers, young and powerful, poured forth into the distance. Each man was clad in a hooded garment. Great bridges of strong worked steel, twisted and cruel, now crossed the Potomac, and they were crowded and seethed like a nest of ants. The sky had turned to blood and smoke poured from the city. The soot fell upon the houses and turned them black as crowsfeathers.
"They will go out into the towns and markets, the suburbs, the malls, the country music festivals, the wine tastings, the golf clubs, the brony conventions," intoned the President. "No one will dare bring challenge to their presence as they loiter nonthreatingly. Not after they behold your fate. You shall see all of this."
A small attendant, shrewish and wrinkled, brought the lord a cloth. Obama wrapped it about his head.
"My name is Barack Hussein Obama. My caliphate is here."
Suddenly the heavens parted and bolts of lightning issued forth. Hussein was cast back and the chains about Zimmerman were broken. The bridges crumbled and fell, and the dark army quailed and cried in fear as they were swept away into the river or fled into the night.
Upon clouds of light came down the Lords Odin and Quetzalcoatl, the Feathered Serpent. Their white radiance was too much to behold for the evil ones, but Zimmerman's heart felt new and young.
"O issue of Maya and Norseman," Odin spake. "The motherly court hath made council on thy claims, and decideth that if thou claim that thou wert the victim of a thuggish ambush, then who art we to challenge thee?"
"Also he probably smoked weed," hissed Quetzalcoatl.
Zimmerman was taken upon the cloud and carried off into the Fifth World of Man, where his wounds were healed and he rested until the end of days.
On Earth, Obama stayed. His domain lay in ruins, his armies scattered and routed, his caliphate brought low. He rent his garment and cast down his head cloth. He spake and spit in heathen tongue, and with a curved dagger swore a blood oath upon his moon god that he would take revengeance upon the men of Europe. He summoned his most trusted steward, and all the messengers quaked in fear. Joe Biden came out to the roof upon hearing the call.
"Hey Barry, I heard you needed som- Jesus, what the fuck's been going on here?"