Yes, yes!! I should read one of his books, really.
Thanks guys for the kind words on the pictures.
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Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
- Start date
- Status
Thanks guys for the kind words on the pictures.
Dastardly Jerks
Banned
The transition stage with these meds are strange (Faverin).
I wake up about 2-3 hours before I'm normally due to wakeup, and just can't get back to sleep, even though I've had a sleeping pill (tamerin) and haven't had 8 hours sleep. My jaw feels like it would about 20 minutes after you take MDMA. And my stomach hurts after taking one.
It hasn't even been a week, so it hasn't affected my mentality much. To be expected really.
I wake up about 2-3 hours before I'm normally due to wakeup, and just can't get back to sleep, even though I've had a sleeping pill (tamerin) and haven't had 8 hours sleep. My jaw feels like it would about 20 minutes after you take MDMA. And my stomach hurts after taking one.
It hasn't even been a week, so it hasn't affected my mentality much. To be expected really.
Alright, time to get some thoughts out. I guess this is the place.
I'm currently having problems with my girlfriend and it's really taking its toll on me. I guess I'll start from the beginning.
In 2008 and 2009 I met a girl who I thought was absolutely perfect. It didn't take long at all for us to be completely in love with each other. Well about a year went by and she just started to lose interest... She met another guy who she started to like and that was really the end of that. There was nothing I could do. And that feeling of truly loving someone but knowing that they have lost their feelings towards you was killing me. Literally almost, as there a suicide attempt back in 2010 and and that was really my first experience with real depression. At the time I had met another girl, but it was long distance. She lives in Korea. We talked almost every day and when I was feeling down, she was always there for me. She had previously had bad experience with guys. They would just dumb her without any notice, and I guess she saw something different in me and knew I was not that kind of person. That I give people a chance and I don't just throw away those I care about. She fell in love with me after a while, and while I wasn't quite at the same level, I knew that maybe something special could come of this. We met in person for the first time in July 2010 and there was no question at that point. She was absolutely wonderful and we both knew we were in love. Back then the distance was hard but it was not something that we didn't think we could overcome. And so we have frequently taken trips together over the last three years. She told me she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, and I wanted the same. The last time she was here was in December (she spent Christmas with me and my family) and everything was just perfect. Things didn't start to go bad until about two months ago. Over the course of about a week, she went from saying "I love you" every night to essentially throwing me away. She said to me that she didn't love me anymore and that she was interested in another guy. They didn't do anything, and after a lot of talking we decided to try to make things work. She is currently volunteering in Peru and realized how selfish it would be to throw me away for someone who she's going to leave when she goes back in October. So anyway... Things started to get a little better. But any kind of argument we have is multiplied ten times due to the fragility of our relationship. Some days are wonderful, and others she is very cold to me.
This is where my depression has started to come back... Today I looked at some of the old conversations we had online, and I now realize that I am nothing but a burden in her life... And that feeling is unbelievably painful. I feel like I am losing this person who I love so much in the same way I lost the last person. I am supposed to go visit her in late October in Korea but I am just starting to feel a bit hopeless... I realize that it is common for a couple to lose the love they shared and also common for couples to work through those problems and rebuild their relationship. But it is so hard to do that when I am not physically there. And I just don't have the money to go there now. I feel like I could solve everything if I could just be there for her.
Anyway, this was a really poorly organized post and I just feel like the person I love more than anyone else in the world is slowly drifting away and short of selling crack or winning the lottery, there's nothing I can do. I feel exactly like I did over three years ago when essentially the same thing was going on. Just wish something good would happen for a change.
I'm currently having problems with my girlfriend and it's really taking its toll on me. I guess I'll start from the beginning.
In 2008 and 2009 I met a girl who I thought was absolutely perfect. It didn't take long at all for us to be completely in love with each other. Well about a year went by and she just started to lose interest... She met another guy who she started to like and that was really the end of that. There was nothing I could do. And that feeling of truly loving someone but knowing that they have lost their feelings towards you was killing me. Literally almost, as there a suicide attempt back in 2010 and and that was really my first experience with real depression. At the time I had met another girl, but it was long distance. She lives in Korea. We talked almost every day and when I was feeling down, she was always there for me. She had previously had bad experience with guys. They would just dumb her without any notice, and I guess she saw something different in me and knew I was not that kind of person. That I give people a chance and I don't just throw away those I care about. She fell in love with me after a while, and while I wasn't quite at the same level, I knew that maybe something special could come of this. We met in person for the first time in July 2010 and there was no question at that point. She was absolutely wonderful and we both knew we were in love. Back then the distance was hard but it was not something that we didn't think we could overcome. And so we have frequently taken trips together over the last three years. She told me she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me, and I wanted the same. The last time she was here was in December (she spent Christmas with me and my family) and everything was just perfect. Things didn't start to go bad until about two months ago. Over the course of about a week, she went from saying "I love you" every night to essentially throwing me away. She said to me that she didn't love me anymore and that she was interested in another guy. They didn't do anything, and after a lot of talking we decided to try to make things work. She is currently volunteering in Peru and realized how selfish it would be to throw me away for someone who she's going to leave when she goes back in October. So anyway... Things started to get a little better. But any kind of argument we have is multiplied ten times due to the fragility of our relationship. Some days are wonderful, and others she is very cold to me.
This is where my depression has started to come back... Today I looked at some of the old conversations we had online, and I now realize that I am nothing but a burden in her life... And that feeling is unbelievably painful. I feel like I am losing this person who I love so much in the same way I lost the last person. I am supposed to go visit her in late October in Korea but I am just starting to feel a bit hopeless... I realize that it is common for a couple to lose the love they shared and also common for couples to work through those problems and rebuild their relationship. But it is so hard to do that when I am not physically there. And I just don't have the money to go there now. I feel like I could solve everything if I could just be there for her.
Anyway, this was a really poorly organized post and I just feel like the person I love more than anyone else in the world is slowly drifting away and short of selling crack or winning the lottery, there's nothing I can do. I feel exactly like I did over three years ago when essentially the same thing was going on. Just wish something good would happen for a change.
Life is one big chain of variables, and full to the brim with uncertainty. Especially when you have no solid idea what area you want to apply yourself in, to give back to the world you take from. Doesn't help when most of the idea you have wouldn't be suitable in one way or another. It's like throwing a rubber ball repeatedly at a window, hoping it will break through, only for it to keep bouncing back to you. I guess tomorrow will be another day spent doing the same again. If I don't find that answer soon, I'm not sure how much longer I will want to keep going. Coming up on year #2 of achieving fuck all, it's just wasteful and pathetic. Hopefully this stupid brain of mine can process what actions to take next, and that they will bring more clarity. Who knows.
Just want to say that MikeDip is a saint. I have no idea how he puts up with my dumb ass. Canada-Depression-GAF (Mike, Smiley, Prax) is clearly best Depression-GAF.
this guy!
EDIT:
Smiley90: WHY IS MIKE A SAINT
Smiley90: WHAT AM I
...
Honey Badger: everyone in DGAF knows I'd go homo for you already, so...
I'm going to bully you a bit now.
We have a world-wide recession on. It's NOT you! It's the planet. Keep applying. There are more people out there applying for jobs than there are jobs, by a long way. I know seriously competent and experienced people who have had so long without a job they worry that they'll never get one. Don't project the crap state of the economy onto yourself. It would be self-indulgent to do so
I can't help with the religious side of things. I was raised in an atheist house without any expectation either way, but I might be able to advise sensibly regarding the parental side. Why do you object so much to going to church with your dad? I married a Greek, so I was going to a pretty intense church now and then for around 15 years and it didn't hurt a bit...well, aside from boredom. Do you have a moral issue with being in a church as a non-believer, or is it something else? Maybe it doesn't need to be a big deal. He clearly loves you if he feels like you're slipping away and wants to guide you back on the path he considers best. Don't underestimate him, or you may hurt him. Ask for help with this.
Go to Austin.
To all else that replied, I did go to Austin. Going to try to apply for jobs in person tomorrow.
To this post in particular, why is it that I feel like all my friends have jobs they are happy with (many of them were also CS graduates), yet I can't get one?
Ha, inspirational! I'm glad you got out there, I like the picture and shoes.Great pics Acrid.
Inspirational even. Prompted me to get some much needed nightshift-countering Vitamin D since it was nice.
So I hit the local forlorn and kinda decrepit playground and went for a walk
Fuck yeah slidin'
(fuck yeah need some new shoes)
I'm especially glad you went to Austin Hylian, best of luck tomorrow.
Uhhh, I've sort of been forgetting to take my Cipralex and I no longer have brain zaps. Not intentional mind you! Just kept going "nah I'm tired, I'll take 'em tomorrow", and here I am.
Is... That okay? Tbh they've never helped me and I only took them because my parents made me. I don't know if it's okay to just stop or if I need to consult my doctor, but I feel perfectly fine.
Is... That okay? Tbh they've never helped me and I only took them because my parents made me. I don't know if it's okay to just stop or if I need to consult my doctor, but I feel perfectly fine.
DJ Lushious
Member
I would consult a doctor. You never know what or how your body will react tomorrow, after quitting cold turkey.
Yesterday evening was weird for me. For a couple of nonessential reasons, I was annoyed at people, but I feel that right now, I am awful at communicating, even online. I couldn't really express how I felt. There was a lot of bitterness and jealousy and none of it was really possible to explain to anyone. If I can't communicate, people will never understand, and that terrifies me.
You will henceforth be known as SwinginMeat.
Seriously though, those are awesome pictures. It looks like you have some spectacular views in walking distance of you. So, please, post more if you decide to take more walks.
Hooray for enjoying games when you're in the mood! I need to get round to buying Xenoblade at some point, actually. Hear great things.
I often feel the same in regards to feeling powerless. I have absolutely no aim in life, nor any grounding for future prospects. Right now, I don't know - in the literal sense - what to do with my time during the day, and often fritter it away doing worthless things that I barely enjoy any more.. I have no idea.
But this isn't the end for you, no way. Today you might not have the strength to pick yourself up and achieve something but there will be days that you do, and on those days, I hope you can seize upon that and find some satisfaction in doing something productive. Consider it a first step to improving your situation, perhaps, and congratulate yourself on a small victory.
And now, I don't want to go to my therapist this evening. I could do without this.
You will henceforth be known as SwinginMeat.
Uh, no. Wait. Let's not go with that.
Seriously though, those are awesome pictures. It looks like you have some spectacular views in walking distance of you. So, please, post more if you decide to take more walks.
Hooray for enjoying games when you're in the mood! I need to get round to buying Xenoblade at some point, actually. Hear great things.
I often feel the same in regards to feeling powerless. I have absolutely no aim in life, nor any grounding for future prospects. Right now, I don't know - in the literal sense - what to do with my time during the day, and often fritter it away doing worthless things that I barely enjoy any more.. I have no idea.
But this isn't the end for you, no way. Today you might not have the strength to pick yourself up and achieve something but there will be days that you do, and on those days, I hope you can seize upon that and find some satisfaction in doing something productive. Consider it a first step to improving your situation, perhaps, and congratulate yourself on a small victory.
And now, I don't want to go to my therapist this evening. I could do without this.
Fuuuuuck!! Hey guys, i didn't know where to post this, and since i can't make a new thread as of yet, due to restricted privileges as i'm a new member i decided i would post here.
I'm prone to panic attacks, but as of late, i've had a long distance relationship with a girl, it's been going great, we meet up often etc. This past two weeks, she's been away camping, but as of yesterday i haven't heard from her at all. Now, at face value, this would be normal, but we've been texting every day the past two weeks, and usually she can charge her phone and text me. But as of yesterday i haven't heard a thing, last seen midnight 7th August. Phone is off, i assume no battery. I'm so fucking worried, idk what to do. I can't contact her parents, i feel like a stalker for being really worried. It's an aberration, we've texted everyday, and she hasn't said she might not be able to text or anything, i said goodnight and she said goodnight, and i've heard nothing since midnight last night.
I feel like such a pansy for worrying so much, but it's only due to the fact that texting has been fine the past couple of weeks, to all of a sudden stop, has me really worried, that something might have happened.
I have no one to talk to, sorry for the tl:dr post.
I'm prone to panic attacks, but as of late, i've had a long distance relationship with a girl, it's been going great, we meet up often etc. This past two weeks, she's been away camping, but as of yesterday i haven't heard from her at all. Now, at face value, this would be normal, but we've been texting every day the past two weeks, and usually she can charge her phone and text me. But as of yesterday i haven't heard a thing, last seen midnight 7th August. Phone is off, i assume no battery. I'm so fucking worried, idk what to do. I can't contact her parents, i feel like a stalker for being really worried. It's an aberration, we've texted everyday, and she hasn't said she might not be able to text or anything, i said goodnight and she said goodnight, and i've heard nothing since midnight last night.
I feel like such a pansy for worrying so much, but it's only due to the fact that texting has been fine the past couple of weeks, to all of a sudden stop, has me really worried, that something might have happened.
I have no one to talk to, sorry for the tl:dr post.Agent Cooper
Member
it takes a lot of courage and strength to get through this, and also a lot of patience!!! you should feel proud of yourself for attempting to get help or talking to a doctor or even talking about it to anyone!!! it may not be a fast process, and it takes a bit, but you have to try and count every day you make it through as a victory!!! you are in charge here, not your depression or anxiety!!!
you are stronger than you think, even though your brain might tell you otherwise!!!
I've experienced the first part a few times, not being able to express my thoughts or feelings. It ends up being perceived as being a quiet person, something mentioned here before, that I end up overthinking things which lead to not saying anything at all. Or, trying to think of a way to put into words what I'm feeling. I hope things became clearer for you today. Maybe start writing random thoughts down, as a way to exercise your use of language and that will help you formulate your thoughts when speaking to others.Yesterday evening was weird for me. For a couple of nonessential reasons, I was annoyed at people, but I feel that right now, I am awful at communicating, even online. I couldn't really express how I felt. There was a lot of bitterness and jealousy and none of it was really possible to explain to anyone. If I can't communicate, people will never understand, and that terrifies me.
You will henceforth be known as SwinginMeat.Uh, no. Wait. Let's not go with that.
Seriously though, those are awesome pictures. It looks like you have some spectacular views in walking distance of you. So, please, post more if you decide to take more walks.
Ha, at that point I should just be called Swingin' Utters
I'm really surprised how much people liked the pictures, thanks, I may bring my actual camera next time. The only thing is there really aren't that many places in walkable distance, but there is one trail I want to go on again so I think I may do that with a friend this weekend that's a few minutes drive.
edit: Actually thinking about it now, the walk is ugly on a main road to it, but if we did that then we could stop by this cafe that does real nice sandwiches...oh man this could be awesome! Wait I forgot the trail starts at the top of this huge hill, ah well driving a couple minutes isn't SO BAD.
Great post Cooper.
Agent Cooper
Member
Youve got to pick yourself up by the bootstraps
Just ignore them when they laugh
Make it a point to now walk taller
Keep your chin up on the behalf
Of every beautiful rejection
With their own ugly reflection
To anyone whos ever never felt the same
This whole album is fantastic and the songs on it are totally great. Highly recommended to you guys.
Just ignore them when they laugh
Make it a point to now walk taller
Keep your chin up on the behalf
Of every beautiful rejection
With their own ugly reflection
To anyone whos ever never felt the same
This whole album is fantastic and the songs on it are totally great. Highly recommended to you guys.
it takes a lot of courage and strength to get through this, and also a lot of patience!!! you should feel proud of yourself for attempting to get help or talking to a doctor or even talking about it to anyone!!! it may not be a fast process, and it takes a bit, but you have to try and count every day you make it through as a victory!!! you are in charge here, not your depression or anxiety!!!
you are stronger than you think, even though your brain might tell you otherwise!!!
Absolutely agree! One day at a time.
DJ Lushious
Member
Anyone?
We'd like to get back to doing some scheduled weekly IRC chats. As of now, if you jump in to the channel, there will be people in there, but the discussion is generally pretty silly. So it may seem hard to bring up a serious issue (serious discussion and questions always trumps the silliness, though!). It might help to have times every week set aside for discussion of actual mental health issues. We'd also love to see more people come to the IRC channel!
We can work on the day and time to fit more people, but we thought we'd start this Thursday.
(times bumped back to better accommodate Europeans)
2PM PST
4PM CST
5PM EST
2100 GMT
The topic is social anxiety/anxiety disorders. Come to ask questions, share your stories, or just to hang out and meet cool people. We'll see how it goes. We can move the timing around based on feedback from the community. If people like doing these, the next step would be to add a time for discussion of depression.
Chat is still always around and there are always people in there!
Bumping this since chat will commence in 40 minutes. Be aware that there was an error in the previous announcement which gave an incorrect GMT-time. Someone forgot to account for summertime when converting the timezones.
I've never tried lithium, Mr. DJ, sorry. It's on the list of things we might try. It's a fairly common add-on to other medications. It's only limited in use by the need to do regular blood checks. In BPD, it's thought to be more effective at preventing mania than depression, but it seems to work against unipolar depression, too.
I know one of the main issues is that it can make you dehydrated, so drink more water.
I'd love to hear some impressions. Good luck!
Can we blame someone else? Chat should be going on for a while, so drop by!
Yep. I hear that that Someone is a real troublemaker. Hope he stays out of our way for now.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
I blame Bagels for everything.
Gas too high? Bagels.
Stuck on the 405? Bagels.
My soup is too hot? Bagels.
Gas too high? Bagels.
Stuck on the 405? Bagels.
My soup is too hot? Bagels.
Don't forget global warming, lack of world peace, and 3rd world poverty. The bastard.
Definitely. Also, I blame Bagels for my laundry not getting done. And the dishes, of course.
Okay, I'll own up to that one.
ClassyPenguin
Banned
ClassyPenguin
Banned
Yes is good listening. I can advocate for this post.
I did more things today, well, work.
Tried to get downtown and the bridge unsuccessfully in frame. Phones man.
This vehicle was stationary at the time.
I found some from my flight home, pictures of Greenland, so freaking pretty.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I can only tell you, based on my father who takes it, is your shits will smell awful. I mean, way worse than they do already.
I've felt this way many times. Wouldn't be easy for me to sacrifice the conveinences I have now.
I've been okay these last few weeks, but today I got a pretty big OCD episode
Had to visit our new house we're moving to the 21st. It's big and all, but it seems the previous owners didn't really clean it, it seems... there's like spiders in every room... in every corner. Not super huge or anything and I'm not afraid of them or anything, but spiders are a real OCD trigger for me since I absolutely require a clean room.
Can't stop thinking 'bout those spiders now. I'm super sensitive to these things because I check my own room every night for spiders. New room is 2x as large and there's a lot of dust and spider webs. Even if I clean it all, I wonder how long it takes till new spiders appear. This is why I hate big houses with a garden... there's always spiders. The big ones are obvious, but if you inspect the house better you'll notice all kinds of small spiders as well.
I just can't bear the though of moving my stuff in a room where spiders roam. I really felt like shit when I visited that house today... and that was only one hour there. I'll have to be there all the time starting the 21st >_<
Really wish I could live on my own in a small apartment but I don't have the money for that A clean bedroom and living room is all I need, really..
Had to visit our new house we're moving to the 21st. It's big and all, but it seems the previous owners didn't really clean it, it seems... there's like spiders in every room... in every corner. Not super huge or anything and I'm not afraid of them or anything, but spiders are a real OCD trigger for me since I absolutely require a clean room.
Can't stop thinking 'bout those spiders now. I'm super sensitive to these things because I check my own room every night for spiders. New room is 2x as large and there's a lot of dust and spider webs. Even if I clean it all, I wonder how long it takes till new spiders appear. This is why I hate big houses with a garden... there's always spiders. The big ones are obvious, but if you inspect the house better you'll notice all kinds of small spiders as well.
I just can't bear the though of moving my stuff in a room where spiders roam. I really felt like shit when I visited that house today... and that was only one hour there. I'll have to be there all the time starting the 21st >_<
Really wish I could live on my own in a small apartment but I don't have the money for that
A clean bedroom and living room is all I need, really..Dastardly Jerks
Banned
Have the strange feeling that I've alienated a lot of people in my life ever since this reared it's ugly head. I don't talk about it or broadcast anything, so it can't possibly be the side-effects of negativity. Everybody knows I'm not drinking anymore, so maybe it's that. I just feel like everybody is talking about me behind my back and I don't know what they're saying.
Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
Two people who I considered friends deleted me from Facebook. Won't say why or talk to me. Good riddance I guess. Still hurts though.
It's only been a week but I can already feel the medication kicking in, either that or it's just the 'fucking with me' transition stage. I can't explain how it feels though. Just... different.
Maybe I'm just being paranoid.
Two people who I considered friends deleted me from Facebook. Won't say why or talk to me. Good riddance I guess. Still hurts though.
It's only been a week but I can already feel the medication kicking in, either that or it's just the 'fucking with me' transition stage. I can't explain how it feels though. Just... different.
Yep. One of the biggest advantages of not living at home anymore. I can eat as little as I want to without offending anyone or getting it shoved down my throat until I feel like puking.
Forgot to mention I didn't get to take my Prozac pills for about three days as I was running out and had to wait until my dad collected more from the pharmacy. Took one this afternoon when I woke up and now my head is feeling all kinds of fucked up. I cannot think at all.
Maybe this is why the wind pushes us around so easily.
Maybe this is why the wind pushes us around so easily.
Yeah, "maybe".
My man, I totally approve of this post!
"Roundabout" is nothing short of fantastic, especially Wakeman's keyboard which blows your mind and takes you to magical, far away places. Squire's bass is also amazing, and I'd love to be 1/100th of the bass player he is.
But I raise you what I consider to be one of the most beautiful pieces of music Jon Anderson has ever written: "Wonderous stories". This song man, this song...
Oh, and AcridMeat, your pics are very beautiful. Especially the one with the bridge and those from the plane.
Been listening to a song for the past two days on repeat... So goooood.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROqTa1mn_qc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ROqTa1mn_qc
So my parents will murder me because I've gone over the monthly limit for our internet. We owe $34.50 extra this month because Rogers thinks 120GB/month for $64.99 is fair and "very generous". Well, the internet is the only thing I fucking have these days, so what else am I supposed to do? Also, I had to reinstall Windows + updates + my applications because the last installation got corrupted or something. My mom's out of a job so we're hurting for money now and seeing as she's the one who pays the bill, she'll likely strangle me. Fuck this country's backward policy on competition and consumer rights and fuck me for having no life and being on the internet 24/7. I wish I could die.
Velcro Fly
Member
I'm about 99% sure that I'm sterile and it's the most soul crushing thing I've ever had to deal with. My whole life I've always wanted a house and a family and that sort of life. Sometimes I'm fine and then sometimes it's everything I can do to not just be so angry at the world. I can't tell anyone because they won't understand. I've suspected for a long time that my body was different but it hasn't been until lately that I've understood the full weight of what that means. I just needed to put it down on paper somewhere to admit it out loud so I can begin to just get over it I guess. I know there are other options out there and maybe someday I'll explore them. I'm just really sad right now.
Darkmakaimura
Can You Imagine What SureAI Is Going To Do With Garfield?
As much as Canada sounds great to me, that's the one thing I can think of that would be a problem. We get unlimited bandwidth here with Cox Cable for about $60.00 a month for around 20 Mbps down.
I don't understand why high speed Internet is still so expensive around the world. I would think by now unlimited high speed Internet for around $25 would be the norm but that's just not the case.
Anyways, sorry about your predicament and I know exactly how you feel. Internet is pretty much all I have as well. Hopefully, you might be able to get that resolved.
Still no word from my gf after what i've posted, three days now. I can't stop worrying or near crying, am i being too paranoid? She did say texting may be sporadic, but i mean the past two weeks we've texted everyday and after i said good night that night, i've heard no word. Really all i want is for her to be ok, i can't eat or sleep or anything.
You say you can't contact her parents? Why is this?
We're still early in the relationship, and they're in another country, but they're all together camping but i haven't got their number. I know, i should have asked just in case, but i literally have no other way of contacting her in case of an emergency. I shot myself in the foot with this one.
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