Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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If you do, please let me know. Cause I've got a hunch that Beautiful People has a LOT of bots/fake acounts. Unless there is a bizarrely high number of hot chicks who like Spartacus/Game of Thrones/ ASoIaF, animation and VFX development, the Avengers and all sorts of metal music and nirvana, yet who dress in tight dresses and high heels. In short; too good to be true. If they're not bots...well, I got some messages to send
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Girl I had a date with a couple weeks ago said:
That's probably the nicest way I've ever been let down. I feel better about it.
xXBetter Off DadXx
Member
That's probably the nicest way I've ever been let down. I feel better about it.
Yeah, all things considered that's not bad at all.
Ok, this isn't a cry for help or anything and more just a way to reaffirm myself.
So, this summer has done great things for me. It's given me a ton of time to reflect and realize I'm unhappy with how I've chosen to live my life this past few years.
A bit of background
ue to certain circumstances, I had to attend community college for 2 years before transferring to a traditional University. This wasn't so bad, but it reenforced some terrible habits that I had finally managed to kick by the end of high school. Because I knew this was just a temporary situation and used this as an excuse to detach myself from all my fellow students. Now that I'm where I want to be, I then used being new as an excuse to not meet people. In the two years I've been here, I've only really made friends with 2 or 3 people and not even enough to really hang out with them outside of class. I did manage to ask out a fellow classmate only to get turned down due to her having a boyfriend already. Strange moment. I had definitely worked up the idea of trying to start a relationship so much that the asking was far worse than the response. Didn't even sting for a second. Still, this did little in encouraging me to actually try out and meet people.
This summer has made me realize how stupid this was. I've realized at least 2/3 of my anxiety issues I've been grappling with over the passed year weren't due to my packed class schedule, they were do to shutting myself inside a bubble and refusing to come out. I'm determined to end that this year. I've started to look up student organizations and trying to find where I might want to try and get involved. The immediate goal isn't to get a date, of course. That'll work itself out in time, I'm sure. I've already partly conquered my fear of rejection, so now it's just meeting the right type of person to ask. It's funny. I haven't done anything yet, but things are already changing. At this time last year, I was dreading returning to school. Now, I'm nervous but it's an excited kind of nervous. My fear of the difficulty of my courses is all but gone.
So, yeah, there's my story. You guys probably won't see too much of me around, but maybe if things go well you will. Good luck to anyone in a similar situation as me. I kind of feel now the key is realizing what your issues are. Once you make that realization, everything else becomes less fear inducing and more exciting.
So, this summer has done great things for me. It's given me a ton of time to reflect and realize I'm unhappy with how I've chosen to live my life this past few years.
A bit of background
ue to certain circumstances, I had to attend community college for 2 years before transferring to a traditional University. This wasn't so bad, but it reenforced some terrible habits that I had finally managed to kick by the end of high school. Because I knew this was just a temporary situation and used this as an excuse to detach myself from all my fellow students. Now that I'm where I want to be, I then used being new as an excuse to not meet people. In the two years I've been here, I've only really made friends with 2 or 3 people and not even enough to really hang out with them outside of class. I did manage to ask out a fellow classmate only to get turned down due to her having a boyfriend already. Strange moment. I had definitely worked up the idea of trying to start a relationship so much that the asking was far worse than the response. Didn't even sting for a second. Still, this did little in encouraging me to actually try out and meet people.This summer has made me realize how stupid this was. I've realized at least 2/3 of my anxiety issues I've been grappling with over the passed year weren't due to my packed class schedule, they were do to shutting myself inside a bubble and refusing to come out. I'm determined to end that this year. I've started to look up student organizations and trying to find where I might want to try and get involved. The immediate goal isn't to get a date, of course. That'll work itself out in time, I'm sure. I've already partly conquered my fear of rejection, so now it's just meeting the right type of person to ask. It's funny. I haven't done anything yet, but things are already changing. At this time last year, I was dreading returning to school. Now, I'm nervous but it's an excited kind of nervous. My fear of the difficulty of my courses is all but gone.
So, yeah, there's my story. You guys probably won't see too much of me around, but maybe if things go well you will. Good luck to anyone in a similar situation as me. I kind of feel now the key is realizing what your issues are. Once you make that realization, everything else becomes less fear inducing and more exciting.
The_Joker1721
Member
Hey wants happening ladies and gents. I've been improving my self confidence. Always had some but this year I took the time to REALLY improve it. The problem now is I have nothing to talk about. I usually start the conversations like I would with a buddy. After pleasantries I would usually ask the girls about work related stuff and it usually fizzles out after that.
What do you guys think? What else do you guys talk about with the ladies? I'm thinking about jotting down some questions asking them and then cross out ones that don't get as much of a response as others.
What do you guys think? What else do you guys talk about with the ladies? I'm thinking about jotting down some questions asking them and then cross out ones that don't get as much of a response as others.
That's probably the nicest way I've ever been let down. I feel better about it.
Can anybody in their 20's truly be busy to the point where they can't date? I'm guessing you and her aren't a day over 25? I've always rolled my eyes when people say this. spending your prime years NOT dating always makes me say to myself "time wasted pretending to be busy." People our age don't actually know what it truly means to be "busy." So few exceptions at that age and if you're one of them NOT supporting a family or in a financial situation, I'd say you're not treating yourself properly. yup, while everybody was building lifelong friends and having incredible sex with each other you were a boring ass bookworm who couldn't prioritize your time properly to grow as a person. I've always hated this excuse coming from young adults without any kids or actual responsibility. If somebody was not into me I would want them to just tell me. I've always seen the too busy with school bullshit as either a lie or cold feet.
beat
Member
I was talking with a friend about my own issues and she said that therapy would probably help. I agreed, except my life is in flux over the next month, but I will seek therapy in Oct.
BTW, as for my own very minor disappointment, it still hurts but doesn't feel like a gut punch any more. I think a night of self-pity and drinking actually helped by accelerating through the self-pity phase. (and bonus, I didn't get a hangover!)
Forreal. I'm debating on just becoming a huge man whore until I find someone I really like. I neve really did the dating thing before tho. I usually just: Get number - Text - Chill - start being together more - go out. But I've never been on an actual date.
Burger_Baron
Member
Thanks for answering. Thought that the texts is so long that everybody just went "didn't read LOL"
- First, I am not foreigner(Meaning I am Finnish), but this is the first time i am trying to pick up girls. I have completely passed school in what comes to girls and have never dated anyone.
-Second, you gave me some good ideas, but i have thought those through already and:
School is too late for me, In work I don't meet people at my age (19) and it is an otherwise hazardous environment (due to not having an exit path, if someone would reject you, it would get pretty awkward). I have been in amateur theatre myself, but people in there get friendzoned pretty easily. One place that i thought up would be Library, because it (contains?) many different people varying from different ages + the changes of meeting an immature "child" are pretty slim.
- This gets us to the Third thing: I don't know if this is the case on other countries/people, but I have a hard time measuring the age of other people. I mean a kid of 16 can with a little makeup look easily an 20 year old and likewise. The age distribution of, say 16-22, has so little outerly change in what comes to looks. And i am so fed up with people who are more concerned on their looks that their...rest things. As corny as it sounds, I am more interested in what goes in their heads. Good looks is just a bonus.
Burger_Baron
Member
I don't claim to be an dating wikipedia, but I can give you my opinion. I always try to just go with the wind. Just talk about everything that pops up in your mind (With a limit of course). I mean,sure the conversation can get Icy as hell (heh) if neither of the parties don't have anything to say, but if it gets to that point, just throw some subject into the air and leave it open for discussion. The thing is to foresee this and be ready to strike in with a new topic (Whether it's News, Movies, Related Memories, stuff like that).
You can even start talking like: "Actually,I was browsing this Forum on the internet one day, and came across this new shark-species they found on Indonesian waters (http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=661645) and that shark was something else. I mean,this thing was walking on the bottom of the sea, rather than swimming." While you are speaking to her, you can easily see if she wants to respond to this or not (By is she saying yes, nodding, stuff like this) And from that topic,when you think you can't pull anything else out of it, you can continue to pets and animals in general. But for the love of god, don't blabber to her about how Awezum vidya gaims are or how some douche on Neogaf is annoying.
Conversation is a two way road. Usually when you speak to people. they don't sit there frozen up, and usually respond in some way and want to speak with you too. Main thing is to observe and analyze, and then quickly take an course of action. And avoiding getting yourself stuck into corner with Yes/No questions. Conversation at the start is always a little sluggish and maybe even corny, but after a while, you can talk just about anything.
I've used the "I'm too busy with school for dating right now" excuse with some girls, and at the time I actually believed it. But it was easy to find time when the right person came around.
stn
Member
Ok, this sucks. This girl in my area is rating my photos very highly and checking me out on Beautiful People. We also have the same career path. Neither of us has premium status, we can't message at all. Even if I got it she still wouldn't be able to see my message. She's one of those girls that makes me go HNGGGGGGGG. Man, what a tease.
NeOak
Member
Haha yes, you should totally do that stn
The_Joker1721
Member
Alright cool and don't worry I won't mention my GAF bros! Yeah I'm starting to think ill throw things most people can relate to. I was talking to some girls and I spoke with them about the VMA's. the conversations went pretty well. I don't believe I'm there yet with talking but this is surely HUGE progress from where I was at the beginning of the year. I thanks my GAF bros and my real bro. You guys give good advice.
What's the best way to ask a girl out through Facebook? I asked a girls how she was doing on her birthday. Casually asked her by mentioning if she wants to grab some dinner. She didn't acknowledge it she just answered the other questions. Ill move on but the only way I can have contact with most girls is through Facebook. So how do you guys/girls go about it?
So, there are a good 5-7 really cute girls in my French class. How do I break the ice with any of them. Should be easy enough, but it's been a while since I've had to flirt at school. Once I get my foot in the door I carry conversations pretty well, just need to get to that point.
Luckily there is no "seating chart" in the class, and of course it being French means it is a class that relies on communication. Just trying to talk with these girls, not necessarily wife them. Who knows though :]
Luckily there is no "seating chart" in the class, and of course it being French means it is a class that relies on communication. Just trying to talk with these girls, not necessarily wife them. Who knows though :]
So a bit bummed. Went out on a few dates with this girl and everything went well. She was supposed to come up with something for us to do last weekend and then she said she was sick. No texts since. I don't know if she's just really preoccupied with something else or she's just not interested. We know each other through good friends so it's not like I'd never see her again, so to just cease contact would seem a little strange. I don't know if and how I should confront her about it or if I should just let it be for a few days. If she really isn't interested, then I'd rather not leave things on an awkward note.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I'm 24 and she's 21. I think she has plenty of friends (and based on her OkCupid profile, very experienced with sex), she's just very ambitious.
Usually I would say you're right, it's probably just a lie, but she did deactivate her OkCupid profile, and if she had found someone, it wouldn't have made sense to lie to me about it. Still, I only see a sliver of truth to her being "busy".
stn
Member
LOL. What's funny is she wouldn't even be able to read my message with my CC. Not that I'd ever entertain the idea, of course.
Still though, what a tease that site is.
beat
Member
Wait, the site needs both parties to have premium memberships to converse and yet there's no option to gift a premium membership, DeviantArt style? I don't think they're interested in making money.LOL. What's funny is she wouldn't even be able to read my message with my CC. Not that I'd ever entertain the idea, of course.
stn
Member
Yeah. You can send messages if you don't have premium but you can't read them. The site is overrated and all but I'm still considering trying a month out. Honestly, its not even the money at this point but more the principle. I just have this gross feeling I'll pay the fee and nothing will come of it, and I'll feel dumb for a while.
The ball is in her court.
That it is. It's just that even if she decides that she's no longer interested, I rather we both be on the same page to avoid any awkwardness in the future, considering I'm still likely to see her through friends.
beat
Member
I feel like I got Leno'ed.
Obviously, I don't feel like I was entitled to the girl, but goddamn, she told me she wasn't ready to date. And on top of that, the guy she fell for is so similar to me in so many ways -- good points and bad points -- that I can't help but feel bitter. (though it does work against my Conan/Leno analogy above cause those two guys' shows and sensibilities are not similar.)
Obviously, I don't feel like I was entitled to the girl, but goddamn, she told me she wasn't ready to date. And on top of that, the guy she fell for is so similar to me in so many ways -- good points and bad points -- that I can't help but feel bitter. (though it does work against my Conan/Leno analogy above cause those two guys' shows and sensibilities are not similar.)
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I was going to say, Leno fucking sucks. If she chose Leno she did you a favor.
Ask them to translate "voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?". This was a joke post at first but the more I think about it, the more clever it gets xD Play it well and it'll be funny and you could perhaps accuse them of hitting on you etc. And voila! You're flirting.
AdventureRacing
Member
If you're working full time and studying than yeah you probably don't have a lot of time to maintain a relationship. Not everyone wants to commit to a relationship when they don't have the time to devote to it.
The rest of your post is jumping to strange conclusions that have nothing to do with what happened. Since when does a person not wanting to be in a relationship mean that they aren't making friends and having sex with people?
Outside of having kids (which people in their 20s can do ya know) i don't see what would make you assume that people in their 20s wouldn't be as busy as someone older than that. For a lot of younger people you're still dealing with studying whilst also having to work and maintain financial obligations. In fact depending on your circumstances your early 20s may well be the most busy period in your life.
Saying you're too busy to maintain a relationship doesn't have to be a lie or cold feet.
stn
Member
This could be fun. Hand them a paper with that phrase, then when they read it out say something along the lines of "Woah woah woah, are you hitting on me? I'm not that easy. What else you got?" If they have any sense of humor they'll play along.
RedNalgene
Member
I'd actually say that you should try and reach out to her. Obviously I don't know this girl so I can't say for certain, but many of the girls I've dated want the guy to pursue and they won't make the first move. Normally I'd agree to let her reach out to you, but given she's only cancelled on you this one time I don't think it hurts to reach out to her with a "hope you're feeling better, want to grab a drink this Friday to celebrate your wellness?" or something like that. If she doesn't respond to you, then you know where you stand.
beat
Member
Hence my correction. I feel like I got Leno'ed, but by a Letterman-2 to my Letterman-1 or something. (not saying I'm better than the other guy or the other way around though)
SniperHunter
Banned
so I am 29 year old virgin, never been out with a girl before
should I start panicking?
should I start panicking?
MacGurcules
Member
It's never too late if you actually want to try. How's your social situation in general? How are your relationships with your friends? Coworkers? Would you say you're reasonably friendly and affable and just have a problem closing the deal with women specifically? Or is this part of a bigger social dysfunction?
Yeah so not sure what's going on with this girl exactly, but I'll get a definite answer from her this weekend. Talked yesterday and then asked her if I could see her this weekend and no response since. Odd since after the last date she was up for going out the following weekend. She has been really swamped at work and is starting school on top of that, so maybe she decided she doesn't want to commit to anything.
So, assuming things don't work out, I think I'm going to get back on the horse and try to meet someone else. Any advice for approaching random girls and asking them out? How do I find out if they're single? Otherwise I might join some meetup groups as suggested here.
So, assuming things don't work out, I think I'm going to get back on the horse and try to meet someone else. Any advice for approaching random girls and asking them out? How do I find out if they're single? Otherwise I might join some meetup groups as suggested here.
I'm feeling confused about my relationship and could use some advice.
I've been with my girlfriend for two and a half years now. She is the most amazing girlfriend I've had. She's the sweetest, most caring person I've met. And most importantly, she loves me unconditionally and will do anything for me. I'm just not sure about my feelings anymore..
For the past year, maybe longer, my feelings have begun to change. I don't know if I feel romantically attached anymore. I love her, she's like my best friend, but that's all it feels like to me now. We only have sex about once a month. This is all due to me, not her. I'm never craving it with her, but I often fantasize about other women and want sex with other women. I've never cheated and never will.
She's 22 and I'm 27. I know that isn't a big gap but I also feel like we're at different points in life. I'm wanting to move out closer to work(with roommates, not alone) and become independent finally, but she's not ready at all. Every time I bring up me moving(it would be about 35mins away from her) she gets a negative attitude and gets quiet. She thinks I'll leave her or cheat on her, or just not have time for her anymore. No matter how many assurances I give her it doesn't change. I've delayed moving out for awhile now and it's starting to build a little resentment and feeling like she's holding me back.
Having these feelings for awhile and reading what I'm writing I'm sure the answer is obvious. Breaking up is probably what needs to happen, I'm just fearful of it. I'm fearful because there are still moments where that spark is rekindled inside me and there's nobody else I'd rather be with. I've also been selfish in the relationship with blowing her off and not putting in quality effort towards her because she let's me get away with anything. So I don't know if these doubts are here because of my own doing. I don't want to regret the outcome later in life. I'm fearful because I'm afraid of not meeting someone as awesome as her. She will be the greatest wife and mother anyone could ask for. I do see myself having a family with her because of that, but is it for the wrong reasons?
We are going on vacation together in a couple weeks so maybe that will help clear things up for me. I just feel really torn at the moment. =(
I've been with my girlfriend for two and a half years now. She is the most amazing girlfriend I've had. She's the sweetest, most caring person I've met. And most importantly, she loves me unconditionally and will do anything for me. I'm just not sure about my feelings anymore..
For the past year, maybe longer, my feelings have begun to change. I don't know if I feel romantically attached anymore. I love her, she's like my best friend, but that's all it feels like to me now. We only have sex about once a month. This is all due to me, not her. I'm never craving it with her, but I often fantasize about other women and want sex with other women. I've never cheated and never will.
She's 22 and I'm 27. I know that isn't a big gap but I also feel like we're at different points in life. I'm wanting to move out closer to work(with roommates, not alone) and become independent finally, but she's not ready at all. Every time I bring up me moving(it would be about 35mins away from her) she gets a negative attitude and gets quiet. She thinks I'll leave her or cheat on her, or just not have time for her anymore. No matter how many assurances I give her it doesn't change. I've delayed moving out for awhile now and it's starting to build a little resentment and feeling like she's holding me back.
Having these feelings for awhile and reading what I'm writing I'm sure the answer is obvious. Breaking up is probably what needs to happen, I'm just fearful of it. I'm fearful because there are still moments where that spark is rekindled inside me and there's nobody else I'd rather be with. I've also been selfish in the relationship with blowing her off and not putting in quality effort towards her because she let's me get away with anything. So I don't know if these doubts are here because of my own doing. I don't want to regret the outcome later in life. I'm fearful because I'm afraid of not meeting someone as awesome as her. She will be the greatest wife and mother anyone could ask for. I do see myself having a family with her because of that, but is it for the wrong reasons?
We are going on vacation together in a couple weeks so maybe that will help clear things up for me. I just feel really torn at the moment. =(
Cool, can't wait. Because as I said, some profiles are just to good to be true. http://www.beautifulpeople.com/site#profile/2df02384-114b-4ec5-afbf-fb77ddc3af02. This one for example. If this is real, I might have to send her a message
And do something about my own beautiful people profile, Right now it consists of three pictures, and one of them, a shirtless pic, is absolutely not meant to be taken serious. It does get me a lot of puppys and likes though But do you know how it works? The both of you have have a real membership to send messages, right?
I don't really know what to say. You might want to break up. But you also might try putting in some more effort. It sounds like you've become complacent, and it's become kind of stale. Try doing new stuff together, dancing classes, cooking, a massage course. If that doesn't work, there's always the last resort.
And the bolded is never a good reason to stay with somebody. If you're not happy, you're not happy. And there's always other women who might be as good, or better.
Thanks, that's pretty much what I'm thinking. I have for sure gotten complacent in our relationship, hence why I said it might be my own doing. I'll start showing more interest in her life and spice things up and see where that leads me.
Anyways, glad I went against conventional wisdom here and just asked her about it. I said if she was just really busy and wanted to rest this weekend I understood, but I wanted to know if she was still interested. Turns out she just really had been busy and missed my last text and felt terrible about leaving my hanging like that. She still is busy this weekend but we're still on for seeing each other.
So I met a girl about 3 years older than me (I'm 18, she's 21) in another state during a vacation and absolutely fell head over heels over her.
Our parents knew each other, so I hung out with her and her sisters. We ended up going bowling and out of all of the sisters she was the one I connected with the most. We started competing and we made each other laugh, take pictures together, whatever. And I dunno, I've had enough and seen enough relationships to know that this was definitely flirting. Still, I knew nothing would come of it since she was so far away.
I couldn't get her out of my head though. I'd never met a girl that had so much in common with me, and stupid me, I didn't get her number. I added her on Facebook but was discouraged since looking at her page she never went on. Then, just yesterday she finally added me and we started chatting up again, I got her number, and...wow. I dunno, she's so goofy and dorky, but I'm having second thoughts on whether she was being so open to me because I'm young and she's just treating me like a kid or if she's really flirting with me.
I'm not too worried about it since college is coming up and I'm going to be so swamped it doesn't really matter, but I just can't get the nagging thought of whether or not she thinks I'm a kid or not.
Our parents knew each other, so I hung out with her and her sisters. We ended up going bowling and out of all of the sisters she was the one I connected with the most. We started competing and we made each other laugh, take pictures together, whatever. And I dunno, I've had enough and seen enough relationships to know that this was definitely flirting. Still, I knew nothing would come of it since she was so far away.
I couldn't get her out of my head though. I'd never met a girl that had so much in common with me, and stupid me, I didn't get her number. I added her on Facebook but was discouraged since looking at her page she never went on. Then, just yesterday she finally added me and we started chatting up again, I got her number, and...wow. I dunno, she's so goofy and dorky, but I'm having second thoughts on whether she was being so open to me because I'm young and she's just treating me like a kid or if she's really flirting with me.
I'm not too worried about it since college is coming up and I'm going to be so swamped it doesn't really matter, but I just can't get the nagging thought of whether or not she thinks I'm a kid or not.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
Need more context.
Wait...so you haven't been going out with her and she's already introducing you to her parents and telling you she loves you? That sounds fucking weird.
drkOne
Member
Sorry, I just realized
We've dated a couple of times, decided we were going to take it slow.
We got intimate And at some point she was looking at me and out of the blue asked me if I wanted to tell her something.
I thought this was a signal, and I said "I love you". It bothered her apparently, not in a bad way, she just thought I was "getting there too fast" I guess.
I'm not deeply in love with her. I don't want to hurt her, I care about her and I enjoy spending time with her.
Was "love" misused?
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