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[SquiddyCracker]

At least you're being a lot more forward than you were months ago (I think, at least ) leeness.
You most certainly sound a lot more confident in yourself.

 

[Leeness]

At least you're being a lot more forward than you were months ago (I think, at least ) leeness.
You most certainly sound a lot more confident in yourself.

Sure, still doesn't mean I ever want a boyfriend haha.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

He was interested in being friends, I just botched that haha. Had people whispering in my ear "do this do that!" and since this guy and I had been kissing and I have no idea how to act in such circumstances, I listened, and it obviously was a stupid thing to do lol.

Haha well, I don't want sex or boyfriends anyway, just some cool guy friends, that's all. Sex is gross Haven't had it, don't want it. Will never bring it up with guys again haha.

Probably was just thrown off by the fowardness, some folks like that others don't.

 

[Minamu]

He was interested in being friends, I just botched that haha. Had people whispering in my ear "do this do that!" and since I have no idea how to act, I listened, and it obviously was a stupid thing to do lol.

Haha well, I don't want sex or boyfriends anyway, just some cool guy friends, that's all. Sex is gross Haven't had it, don't want it. Will never bring it up with guys again haha.

I don't know about stupid, it could've worked with the right guy or someone you already have had sex with or a potential boyfriend. I'd only boil it down to a poor choice of tactic at the improper moment with the unfortunately wrong person. And the bolded part breaks my heart to read girl. You're only gonna hurt yourself in the long run thinking like that. It's very clearly just a mental defence against getting hurt again and it's sad to see Don't do that to yourself, you don't deserve intimacy any less than the rest of us. You're only trying to hide youself from potential future failures. I've done the same thing. You can't really fool yourself into truly believing that because intimacy and love is something that everybody wants and needs. And you're certainly not fooling anyone in here. You want and need sex just as much as the rest of us, I'd wager. Just up and deciding that sex isn't for you, that's incredibly unrealistic.

 

[Leeness]

I don't know about stupid, it could've worked with the right guy or someone you already have had sex with or a potential boyfriend. I'd only boil it down to a poor choice of tactic at the improper moment with the unfortunately wrong person. And the bolded part breaks my heart to read girl. You're only gonna hurt yourself in the long run thinking like that. It's very clearly just a mental defence against getting hurt again and it's sad to see Don't do that to yourself, you don't deserve intimacy any less than the rest of us. You're only trying to hide youself from potential future failures. I've done the same thing. You can't really fool yourself into truly believing that because intimacy and love is something that everybody wants and needs. And you're certainly not fooling anyone in here. You want and need sex just as much as the rest of us, I'd wager. Just up and deciding that sex isn't for you, that's incredibly unrealistic.

Nah, I've been thinking over it the past few months and whether I'm asexual or not, I really give zero fucks about it haha. The "fooling myself" was trying to make myself care about wanting a boyfriend or sex and it just made me feel weird and unhappy and miserable. Just letting it go and coming to the understanding that I don't want it, nor do I need sex to be normal, has made me much happier.

 

[SquiddyCracker]

Sure, still doesn't mean I ever want a boyfriend haha.

That's perfectly fine.
I don't think people should go out specifically looking for a partner.

At least if you do find someone you're interested to romantically engage, you now have the confidence and experience to display interest in him or her.
Same goes for befriending people as well, as the same principles apply.

And there are people out there who are asexuals, so it's totally possible you are one Leeness.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

Nah, I've been thinking over it the past few months and whether I'm asexual or not, I really give zero fucks about it haha. The "fooling myself" was trying to make myself care about wanting a boyfriend or sex and it just made me feel weird and unhappy and miserable. Just letting it go and coming to the understanding that I don't want it, nor do I need sex to be normal, has made me much happier.

Idk if you're asexual (never actually talked to you, HELLO btw!) but like...I thinking that a Boyfriend and sex or any of that is what you need to be happy is a pretty rough path to go on. I mean, I'm sure it'll help, but mostly you'll land in it when you're not really lookin so to speak. Most of the time (for me at least) when I land in relationships, the ones that are good are the ones I didn't really force or expect anything to happen and it just sorta happened, and the worst ones have been when I tried to force something cause I thought I needed it to be happy.

 

[Minamu]

Nah, I've been thinking over it the past few months and whether I'm asexual or not, I really give zero fucks about it haha. The "fooling myself" was trying to make myself care about wanting a boyfriend or sex and it just made me feel weird and unhappy and miserable. Just letting it go and coming to the understanding that I don't want it, nor do I need sex to be normal, has made me much happier.

Maybe you're asexual, I don't know I don't know much about that sort of thing to voice an opinion on that possibility, but maybe, sure. But I doubt asexuals automatically have zero interest in intimacy or relationships because of that asexuality. That's not the real reason why you don't want a boyfriend, it can't be, it's not possible, and I genuinely think that's a lie on some level. Describing it the way you do makes it sound a lot like the stuff I try to tell people, so that's good I suppose. Though I can't really help but truly wonder if this is the right way to go about this thing. I have my doubts to be perfectly honest. I agree that fixating on sex and all this crap isn't healthy for anyone and it's true that you don't need any of it to be normal. But I'm not sure of your intentions or reasonings behind it. To an outsider like me, it definitely sounds a lot like a psychological defence mechanism, I can tell you that much at least, but I'm not an educated psychiatrist. But I of course certainly hope it works out well for you!

 

[Leeness]

And there are people out there who are asexuals, so it's totally possible you are one Leeness.

Yay! Someone who actually believes me!

Idk if you're asexual (never actually talked to you, HELLO btw!) but like...I thinking that a Boyfriend and sex or any of that is what you need to be happy is a pretty rough path to go on. I mean, I'm sure it'll help, but mostly you'll land in it when you're not really lookin so to speak. Most of the time (for me at least) when I land in relationships, the ones that are good are the ones I didn't really force or expect anything to happen and it just sorta happened, and the worst ones have been when I tried to force something cause I thought I needed it to be happy.

Haha I'm just gonna go on doing what I've done my whole life and not look for it then and it won't happen and I win anyway.

Maybe you're asexual, I don't know I don't know much about that sort of thing to voice an opinion on that possibility, but maybe, sure. But I doubt asexuals automatically have zero interest in intimacy or relationships because of that asexuality. That's not the real reason why you don't want a boyfriend, it can't be, it's not possible, and I genuinely think that's a lie on some level. Describing it the way you do makes it sound a lot like the stuff I try to tell people, so that's good I suppose. Though I can't really help but truly wonder if this is the right way to go about this thing. I have my doubts to be perfectly honest. I agree that fixating on sex and all this crap isn't healthy for anyone and it's true that you don't need any of it to be normal. But I'm not sure of your intentions or reasonings behind it. To an outsider like me, it definitely sounds a lot like a psychological defence mechanism, I can tell you that much at least, but I'm not an educated psychiatrist. But I of course certainly hope it works out well for you!

I'm thinking it is why I've never been interested in having a boyfriend, outside of feeling abnormal without one. I've never been interested in sex and really always thought it was pretty weird. I very rarely ever have any kind of libido, and never have been able to connect with anyone in that way.

Even when I was with this guy and we were kissing, I was more interested in just hanging out with him and he'd put his arm around me and we'd snuggle. I preferred that.

 

[Kainazzo]

I think Khan's onto something, even when dealing with OkC. A few days ago I left a trawl of messages, including one for an incredibly vanilla profile. Really, I did it more as a spur of the moment thing, not even being that interested in her (though we had a high match %). Her's has been the only reply I've since received, and over the past few days I've found that she's actually really fun to talk to; her boring profile totally betrays how interesting and relatable she is (does that make me boring too >_>). I get vibes from her that, like me, she's new to this. After a few messages the conversation shifts a bit, and I get:

I would love to explore more around the city, but I can't seem to want to go by myself.

Even with my zero experience, I'm pretty sure that's an "ASK ME OUT" signal. So I have, not in a veiled way as with the VN girl, but a straight declaration that I'd be interested in meeting her somewhere. Not sure if it's best to ask out before getting her number, but the opportunity seemed to present itself (and I asked for it anyway to help work out the details). She hasn't logged in yet today, but I've never gotten so far with anyone over there before, so hopefully I'll still get a response, shot down or not. Regardless, I can check off the "Asked a girl out" checkbox! Whoo !

 

[stn]

@Leeness

Personally? I think your disinterest in sex stems from your own fears. I have read many of your posts here and you come off as insecure. I do believe you want something romantic because you've had certain guys you've been more interested in and posted about. And honestly, at the end of the day most people don't just want to be friends. You wouldn't be in dating-age if you didn't want potential romance with these guys.

I think you just need the right type of guy who you trust, someone you can experiment with without fear. All I will say is open yourself up to possibilities and opportunities.

P.S. I like how you described sex as gross, lol. You sound so cute and innocent, I wanna hug you!!!

 

[SquiddyCracker]

Good job!
Even better that you went ahead and did it without coming here for our approval

 

[Minamu]

You should look it up professionally then, I think. There's nothing wrong with being asexual of course. I don't think we're properly equipped on giving advice on it though. On how to deal with it and such I mean. If you'd ever need advice of course.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

Regardless, I can check off the "Asked a girl out" checkbox! Whoo !

That's what it's about man. Good Luck!

 

[Kainazzo]

Good job!
Even better that you went ahead and did it without coming here for our approval

That's what it's about man. Good Luck!

It's fun to reflect on how much progress I've made even since then, so thanks for putting up with that This thread's been invaluable; I'd definitely still be a semi-depressed shut-in without it. I'm at a much better place in life now!

 

[Leeness]

@Leeness

Personally? I think your disinterest in sex stems from your own fears. I have read many of your posts here and you come off as insecure. I do believe you want something romantic because you've had certain guys you've been more interested in and posted about. And honestly, at the end of the day most people don't just want to be friends. You wouldn't be in dating-age if you didn't want potential romance with these guys.

I think you just need the right type of guy who you trust, someone you can experiment with without fear. All I will say is open yourself up to possibilities and opportunities.

P.S. I like how you described sex as gross, lol. You sound so cute and innocent, I wanna hug you!!!

I've only posted about one guy, and I screwed that up anyway. Haha. And nah, I wasn't even interested in sex when I was a teenager. I've just never been.

I just want to be friends!

And there are no opportunities anyway. Haha. 26 in a few days and the only "opportunity" I've ever had to "experiment" with a guy was this guy, who definitely didn't want to. Haha. Oops! Nah, I'm good without.

PS: I've always thought sex was icky. It looks gross anyway.

You should look it up professionally then, I think. There's nothing wrong with being asexual of course. I don't think we're properly equipped on giving advice on it though. On how to deal with it and such I mean. If you'd ever need advice of course.

I don't really need professional help with it. :/ it's just a way of being, I think haha.

 

[A Human Becoming]

But are you surprised?

I'm disappointed this wasn't a clip from When Harry Met Sally.

You don't need a boyfriend Leeness. I think you deserve to find someone who appreciates you and treats you important.

 

[stn]

I've only posted about one guy, and I screwed that up anyway. Haha.

And there are no opportunities anyway. Haha. 26 in a few days and the only "opportunity" I've ever had to "experiment" with a guy was this guy, who definitely didn't want to. Haha. Oops! Nah, I'm good without.

I cut out the parts that stuck out to me. When I read this I think the following: I would be interested in a relationship if I could get it to work, but I haven't been able to so I don't want it. I think you're just using it as a defense mechanism to cope with whatever past incidents have happened.

Where most people make a mistake is they stop chasing their goal after one failure. Say, for example, a guy becoming depressed and not chasing women after being rejected by one. Wrong attitude. You're supposed to come back stronger and even more determined.

So, if you want a relationship and sex, be honest with yourself. Don't let a few failures make you be so passive.

 

[Leeness]

So, if you want a relationship and sex, be honest with yourself. Don't let a few failures make you be so passive.

Nah. It's more that the failures have shown me that I don't want anything to do with relationships or sex.

And again, I think sex is gross and icky

I'm disappointed this wasn't a clip from When Harry Met Sally.

You don't need a boyfriend Leeness. I think you deserve to find someone who appreciates you and treats you important.

That's nice of you to say, but the only person who will do that for me is me

 

[Pie Lord]

Christ I have had a bad week. Went on two dates with two different girls during the first week of the school year. Both dates went great, but the next day both of these girls (who are both freshmen I might add) start getting uncomfortable with the idea of being in a relationship so soon after starting college and decided we should stop. Oy vey, I keep telling myself to stop dating freshmen... one year and four freshman later I'm still not listening to my own advice.

 

[NipplesAndToes23]

Man, I feel like I'm going to end up like the 40 year old version. I can't get anywhere with women and you have 13 year olds getting more action than me. That makes me feel like a loser.

 

[NeOak]

Man, I hate when my subconscious tries to find reasons as to why I get a "no" after asking a girl out on a date. I try to drop it but nope, dream about it NeOak.

D:

edit: I may be a bit salty about it... Hmmmm.

 

[Symphonia]

It would appear things have sorted themselves out in regards to the work/party situation.

 

[Minamu]

I don't really need professional help with it. :/ it's just a way of being, I think haha.

No no, I just meant that maybe it would be helpful if you had it on paper sort of so you know for sure instead of just assuming you're asexual.

I just think that other possibilities should be explored before jumping to the conclusion that it's all because of asexuality. That has a high probability, I agree, but it also sounds like an easy way out so to speak. This ought to be looked at from many perspectives objectively in my opinion before the least likely scenario is assumed, which I believe asexuality to be statistically.

 

[A Human Becoming]

Man, I feel like I'm going to end up like the 40 year old version. I can't get anywhere with women and you have 13 year olds getting more action than me. That makes me feel like a loser.

Don't compare yourself to others, no matter how tempting it is. There's not a "right" amount of sex to have or a "right" age to lose your virginity.

Man, I hate when my subconscious tries to find reasons as to why I get a "no" after asking a girl out on a date. I try to drop it but nope, dream about it NeOak.

D:

edit: I may be a bit salty about it... Hmmmm.

Solution: Realize it's her loss and don't give a shit.

 

[Minamu]

In short: I'm a 25yo virgin, met a really cool girl who wants to have casual sex but we haven't actually had it yet, just want to know if I'm simping too hard or I'm overthinking it and just a bad string of coincidences that she is physically unavailable for sex when we do hang out and I want to (poorly) escalate. That and I'm not in booty call distance for us to really do anything too in the heat of the moment.

It doesn't sound like you're being too worried about being a virgin at least, that's great. You shouldn't be. Taking someone's virginity can be a big deal for the other party so that could be why she's slightly apprehensive. But on the other hand you got a BJ from her. From now on, don't try to push or talk her into anything, that rarely ever works. Her reasons like the gyno etc might be fake, but we'll never know. I'd assume she's being sincere about it and just let it happen again naturally. As for escalating sexual tension and keeping the physical contact going, that can be googled and/or youtubed easily. It might seem like a huge step for you to overcome but it really isn't, and it's something quite straight forward actually. If you don't have much experience with flirting and what kind of signals to look for, that can be found online too (and there's plenty of it, you may want to start at the OP and its recommended videos and the videos that youtube think is relevant). You'll get more conscious about it all with more knowledge and experience. There will be mistakes made of course but you'll be alright as long a you learn from them. I wouldn't sweat it, you seem to have a solid grip on things already As for the simping, I don't think there's a problem. Of course you're gonna want to satisfy her as well. In fact, keep the focus on her and put her pleasure at the top of the priority list. Even more so if she's had bad experiences with that before. The Internet loves "tutorials" on how to please women I've mentioned a serious video series called "2GirlsTeachSex" before and it can be found at various sites out there. Just don't push her into anything. I don't think it's that weird if she has put you in the sexual encounter group, she did give you a BJ after all. She most likely wouldn't do that to just about anyone for no reason. So yeah you might be over thinking the success probability slightly. Maybe go to more parties with her if the distance thing is that major? Or go on dates if that's your thing. In the end, it doesn't sound like you've said or done anything terribly wrong or proven to be a wimp of any kind. So go with the flow and read up on sex and whatever Maybe you'll surprise her!

 

[Leeness]

No no, I just meant that maybe it would be helpful if you had it on paper sort of so you know for sure instead of just assuming you're asexual.

I just think that other possibilities should be explored before jumping to the conclusion that it's all because of asexuality. That has a high probability, I agree, but it also sounds like an easy way out so to speak. This ought to be looked at from many perspectives objectively in my opinion before the least likely scenario is assumed, which I believe asexuality to be statistically.

I don't think there's a test lol. What are they gonna do?

"Are you interested in sex?"
"No"
"Okay"

Lol.

 

[Minamu]

Haha yeah no, that does sound pretty dumb when you put it like that xD

 

[TheExodu5]

I don't think there's a test lol. What are they gonna do?

"Are you interested in sex?"
"No"
"Okay"

Lol.

It could be a result of a hormonal imbalance or deficiency.

 

[Leeness]

It could be a result of a hormonal imbalance or deficiency.

I've had blood work done before (not for anything like that though) and they've never said "hey, we just noticed, you're missing stuff!"

 

[MacGurcules]

I just wanted to add a little encouragement for Leeness.

You don't always have to be on the hustle for a new fling. Being single isn't wrong and it's possible you are truly happier being single and that's fine. Just don't close yourself off to the possibility of a relationship if there are parts of it that you might still want.

Disinterest in the act of sex doesn't automatically disqualify other forms of physical intimacy if you're still interested in those. And it certainly doesn't mean you don't deserve the emotional intimacy that comes with a relationship, either. That you're still pursuing new friendships and closeness with men makes me think you still want at least some of this.

Not wanting a sexual relationship is fine. There's nothing wrong with that. But don't let that convince you that you're not worthy of the other aspects of a relationship if you want them. Don't rationalize away your emotional needs even if you feel you don't have certain physical needs. It may be a bit harder to find someone that's right for you, but you deserve a human connection just as much as everyone else.

 

[NeOak]

Solution: Realize it's her loss and don't give a shit.

Yup, woke up feeling like that, so it was temporary lol

 

[yami4ct]

Man, I always meet people at the worst possible moment. So, today I finally met the rest of the girls in the downstairs apartment. Only problem, it was right from me coming back dead tired from a long day. I'm sure I came off super aloof and introverted, which really I'm not. I realize that this one meeting in the long run is pretty much meaningless, but it's systematic of a larger issue of me always finding people the exact moment I cannot be less in the mood to talk.

 

[Log4Girlz]

I've had blood work done before (not for anything like that though) and they've never said "hey, we just noticed, you're missing stuff!"

You should ask your doctor for advice, see if there's anything that can boost your libido...if you're curious that is.

 

[Subtervotion]

Hey GAF, got a lot of shit going on. Possibility of a long post incoming. Also I'm sure this will read like I'm a complete asshole. So maybe I am! Anyway...

So I've been dating this chick for a little less than a year. I've wanted to end it for a while now. But ending it is such a huge problem. I really dont want to hurt her, but I know 'ripping the bandaid off' is the best option. Recently we had a big discussion about what we were going to do once she moved to finish college. It seemed like a good opportunity to end it with her. But we didn't even get 3 seconds into the conversation until she started crying her eyes out. Ultimately I couldn't end it. I guess you could say I wasn't strong enough.

Now heres the real shitty part about everything. We're actually incredibly compatible and we never fight. Our relationship actually seems too good to be true. Here's where i sound like a real shallow fuck head. My main problem with her is physical. Shes not 'good enough' for me. I don't want to settle. I never look at her and get that feeling of attraction. Cue super shallow mode: If she got a boob job she would be 'good enough'.

Ultimately I've realized two things. I could only have the balls to break it off with her if:

A) She told me she'd NEVER get a boob job,
B) I met another women who over shadows her completely.

Shamalyaaa twist:

Today I got a girl's number

Spoiler

,who I only just met.

So am I a total douche? Should I try to bring up surgery? Should I text the new girl? What say you GAF?

 

[Liquidsnake]

Hey GAF, got a lot of shit going on. Possibility of a long post incoming. Also I'm sure this will read like I'm a complete asshole. So maybe I am! Anyway...

So I've been dating this chick for a little less than a year. I've wanted to end it for a while now. But ending it is such a huge problem. I really dont want to hurt her, but I know 'ripping the bandaid off' is the best option. Recently we had a big discussion about what we were going to do once she moved to finish college. It seemed like a good opportunity to end it with her. But we didn't even get 3 seconds into the conversation until she started crying her eyes out. Ultimately I couldn't end it. I guess you could say I wasn't strong enough.

Now heres the real shitty part about everything. We're actually incredibly compatible and we never fight. Our relationship actually seems too good to be true. Here's where i sound like a real shallow fuck head. My main problem with her is physical. Shes not 'good enough' for me. I don't want to settle. I never look at her and get that feeling of attraction. Cue super shallow mode: If she got a boob job she would be 'good enough'.

Ultimately I've realized two things. I could only have the balls to break it off with her if:

A) She told me she'd NEVER get a boob job,
B) I met another women who over shadows her completely.

Shamalyaaa twist:

Today I got a girl's number

Spoiler

,who I only just met.

So am I a total douche? Should I try to bring up surgery? Should I text the new girl? What say you GAF?

This is so difficult my man.

Listen you have to be with someone that you are at least semi attracted too. On the other hand finding someone who is great from within is getting harder to find.

This post won't help you, but if you are not feeling it you are doing the both of you a disservice. How ever once she is gone you might realize what a huge mistake you made.

I am sorry for your dilemma.

 

[Log4Girlz]

Hey GAF, got a lot of shit going on. Possibility of a long post incoming. Also I'm sure this will read like I'm a complete asshole. So maybe I am! Anyway...

So I've been dating this chick for a little less than a year. I've wanted to end it for a while now. But ending it is such a huge problem. I really dont want to hurt her, but I know 'ripping the bandaid off' is the best option. Recently we had a big discussion about what we were going to do once she moved to finish college. It seemed like a good opportunity to end it with her. But we didn't even get 3 seconds into the conversation until she started crying her eyes out. Ultimately I couldn't end it. I guess you could say I wasn't strong enough.

Now heres the real shitty part about everything. We're actually incredibly compatible and we never fight. Our relationship actually seems too good to be true. Here's where i sound like a real shallow fuck head. My main problem with her is physical. Shes not 'good enough' for me. I don't want to settle. I never look at her and get that feeling of attraction. Cue super shallow mode: If she got a boob job she would be 'good enough'.

Ultimately I've realized two things. I could only have the balls to break it off with her if:

A) She told me she'd NEVER get a boob job,
B) I met another women who over shadows her completely.

Shamalyaaa twist:

Today I got a girl's number

Spoiler

,who I only just met.

So am I a total douche? Should I try to bring up surgery? Should I text the new girl? What say you GAF?

Break up, move on. Also, eww fake boobs.

 

[Jhoan]

Hey guys. This is not really a dating advice post, but more like asking for a simp check if anything and maybe some general advice. Hoping this is okay to post here.

In short: I'm a 25yo virgin, met a really cool girl who wants to have casual sex but we haven't actually had it yet, just want to know if I'm simping too hard or I'm overthinking it and just a bad string of coincidences that she is physically unavailable for sex when we do hang out and I want to (poorly) escalate. That and I'm not in booty call distance for us to really do anything too in the heat of the moment.

As a 25 year old virgin myself, I commend you for nearly hitting a home run. I only got my first kiss a few months ago but it was a fun-while-it-lasted type of thing. I'll have the obligatory congratsonthesex.jpg ready for when it happens.

That said, to echo what Minamu said, I would suggest not pushing things and going with the flow. You're definitely over thinking about it. There's plenty of good advice that's been said in this thread and several GAF threads as well thousands of good articles out there about escalating things and getting sexual. Proxemics plays a huge role in that. I'm looking forward to your next updates.

 

[Leeness]

I just wanted to add a little encouragement for Leeness.

You don't always have to be on the hustle for a new fling. Being single isn't wrong and it's possible you are truly happier being single and that's fine. Just don't close yourself off to the possibility of a relationship if there are parts of it that you might still want.

Disinterest in the act of sex doesn't automatically disqualify other forms of physical intimacy if you're still interested in those. And it certainly doesn't mean you don't deserve the emotional intimacy that comes with a relationship, either. That you're still pursuing new friendships and closeness with men makes me think you still want at least some of this.

Not wanting a sexual relationship is fine. There's nothing wrong with that. But don't let that convince you that you're not worthy of the other aspects of a relationship if you want them. Don't rationalize away your emotional needs even if you feel you don't have certain physical needs. It may be a bit harder to find someone that's right for you, but you deserve a human connection just as much as everyone else.

Yeah, that's okay. Emotional connections are nice and that's kind of what I'm looking for

Thanks for the thoughts

You should ask your doctor for advice, see if there's anything that can boost your libido...if you're curious that is.

Naaaaaah

 

[NeOak]

Well GAF, another failure. I just deleted everything from the girl I gave that gift back then.

Unfortunately I kept making mistakes, tried to spin stuff to see if I could get something out of her, along with jealousy and stuff that I really have to work on.

I'm a bit torn since she was also a very good friend (and my FFXIV pocket healer, so I'm fucked there).

I feel relief and sadness at ripping out the band aid like this, but I did mess up and started a bad case of oneitis.

What provoked it was that I found out she likes someone else now, so i just said screw it, because it seems i won't be able to be just friends with this girl and it became an endless cycle of me playing victim because she didn't like me and what not. Ugh.

And this is why I haven't posted in a while: I was focused on getting my stuff to work before shitting on others. A very painful lesson learned, but tomorrow is a new day.

Spoiler

The last thing she said to me was "just go" before I deleted her. I gotta admit that is a knife that will be stuck in me for a while *sigh*

 

[Pau]

Hey GAF, got a lot of shit going on. Possibility of a long post incoming. Also I'm sure this will read like I'm a complete asshole. So maybe I am! Anyway...

So I've been dating this chick for a little less than a year. I've wanted to end it for a while now. But ending it is such a huge problem. I really dont want to hurt her, but I know 'ripping the bandaid off' is the best option. Recently we had a big discussion about what we were going to do once she moved to finish college. It seemed like a good opportunity to end it with her. But we didn't even get 3 seconds into the conversation until she started crying her eyes out. Ultimately I couldn't end it. I guess you could say I wasn't strong enough.

Now heres the real shitty part about everything. We're actually incredibly compatible and we never fight. Our relationship actually seems too good to be true. Here's where i sound like a real shallow fuck head. My main problem with her is physical. Shes not 'good enough' for me. I don't want to settle. I never look at her and get that feeling of attraction. Cue super shallow mode: If she got a boob job she would be 'good enough'.

Ultimately I've realized two things. I could only have the balls to break it off with her if:

A) She told me she'd NEVER get a boob job,
B) I met another women who over shadows her completely.

Shamalyaaa twist:

Today I got a girl's number

Spoiler

,who I only just met.

So am I a total douche? Should I try to bring up surgery? Should I text the new girl? What say you GAF?

Dude, if you aren't attracted to her, leave her so that she can be with someone who is. She deserves to be with someone who doesn't think they're too good for her.

 

[NipplesAndToes23]

Don't compare yourself to others, no matter how tempting it is. There's not a "right" amount of sex to have or a "right" age to lose your virginity.
.

I still feel kind of bad about it regardless though, because I'm not happy with it. I'm tired of being lonely.

 

[Log4Girlz]

Well GAF, another failure. I just deleted everything from the girl I gave that gift back then.

Unfortunately I kept making mistakes, tried to spin stuff to see if I could get something out of her, along with jealousy and stuff that I really have to work on.

I'm a bit torn since she was also a very good friend (and my FFXIV pocket healer, so I'm fucked there).

I feel relief and sadness at ripping out the band aid like this, but I did mess up and started a bad case of oneitis.

What provoked it was that I found out she likes someone else now, so i just said screw it, because it seems i won't be able to be just friends with this girl and it became an endless cycle of me playing victim because she didn't like me and what not. Ugh.

And this is why I haven't posted in a while: I was focused on getting my stuff to work before shitting on others. A very painful lesson learned, but tomorrow is a new day.

Spoiler

The last thing she said to me was "just go" before I deleted her. I gotta admit that is a knife that will be stuck in me for a while *sigh*

You can't just cheap out with your gifts to women. How much did you spend? Anything less than $1000 is a waste of money.

 

[strata8]

I still can't shake the self-esteem issues I have in regards to potential romantic relationships. I'm attractive enough, funny enough, interesting enough, etc, which is OK for friendships (I guess - I don't have a whole lot of close friends), but I get the impression that anything further requires more. It's just hard to see why anyone would be interested in me over the hundreds of other guys they're surrounded by every day.

 

[Log4Girlz]

I still can't shake the self-esteem issues I have in regards to potential romantic relationships. I'm attractive enough, funny enough, interesting enough, etc, which is OK for friendships (I guess - I don't have a whole lot of close friends), but I get the impression that anything further requires more. It's just hard to see why anyone would be interested in me over the hundreds of other guys they're surrounded by every day.

The key is not to give a shit about what other people want, but what you want. You want something, dude, they ain't gonna read your mind and give it to you.

 

[strata8]

The key is not to give a shit about what other people want, but what you want. You want something, dude, they ain't gonna read your mind and give it to you.

I totally get that I'm the one who needs to take action, but there's a risk to it. And I know it sounds weird and analytical, but I can't bring myself to take that jump with the belief that it's not going to pay off.

It doesn't help that the last time I admitted I was interested in someone was at the age of 12. Not even my friends knew who I liked beyond that point. So from my perspective rejection seems like it could be some sort of huge, ego-crushing event that kills whatever motivation I've got left. Maybe that's just naivety on my part.

 

[EviLore]

I still can't shake the self-esteem issues I have in regards to potential romantic relationships. I'm attractive enough, funny enough, interesting enough, etc, which is OK for friendships (I guess - I don't have a whole lot of close friends), but I get the impression that anything further requires more. It's just hard to see why anyone would be interested in me over the hundreds of other guys they're surrounded by every day.

You're not #500 in line for any given available girl; it's much more about being the guy who takes the iniative over the other guys who are too nervous or lacking in self confidence to go for it, which would be most of those hundreds surrounding her. That's the easiest and most important selection process a girl has for a boyfriend: that he has the balls to put himself out there on the line for a shot at her.

Refuse to accept that you're not good enough for someone, and at the same time strive to be the best version of yourself so that you have that assurance and composure to fall back on. Then say "fuck it." You have to go for what you want in this world, that's the only way it works.

 

[strata8]

You're not #500 in line for any given available girl; it's much more about being the guy who takes the iniative over the other guys who are too nervous or lacking in self confidence to go for it, which would be most of those hundreds surrounding her. That's the easiest and most important selection process a girl has for a boyfriend: that he has the balls to put himself out there on the line for a shot at her.

That makes a lot of sense, and deep down it's something I think I knew. I have (or had) this false idea that the girl should find you more than just attractive, and be particularly interested in you over other guys. Maybe that was just an attempt to reduce my own responsibility.

 

[Silicon Knight]

You're not #500 in line for any given available girl; it's much more about being the guy who takes the iniative over the other guys who are too nervous or lacking in self confidence to go for it, which would be most of those hundreds surrounding her. That's the easiest and most important selection process a girl has for a boyfriend: that he has the balls to put himself out there on the line for a shot at her.

Refuse to accept that you're not good enough for someone, and at the same time strive to be the best version of yourself so that you have that assurance and composure to fall back on. Then say "fuck it." You have to go for what you want in this world, that's the only way it works.

I going to print this, frame it and hang it on my wall. Words to live by.

 

[shintoki]

That makes a lot of sense, and deep down it's something I think I knew. I have (or had) this false idea that the girl should find you more than just attractive, and be particularly interested in you over other guys. Maybe that was just an attempt to reduce my own responsibility.

Well if they like you, they are finding you more attractive and interesting than other guys. And how to do that, is to put yourself out there.