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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
- Start date
- Status
beat
Member
That could be a great opening line. "Hey, we should go out." Then show her a prescription, except all it says is "you".
Got back from the date a few mins ago. Went and saw Blue Jasmine- wasn't expecting such dysfunction! It's clear she's really shy, but it's just as much that there's a fun girl under it. A few months ago I was probably in her shoes. I hope she had fun though; I asked her if she'd be up to do something next weekend and she said yes.
I'll see how she feels about the Nature Center; she got a kick out of the aquarium at the mall. I guess I'll contact her again Tuesday to set it up. Better stick to texts this time.
I'll see how she feels about the Nature Center; she got a kick out of the aquarium at the mall. I guess I'll contact her again Tuesday to set it up. Better stick to texts this time.
In order to have a girlfriend and I would have to face many fears along the way, but ultimately, when I can finally say that I have a girlfriend, it will have been because the necessary steps to better myself get out of my comfort zone.
Are you taking anything for your anxiety or seeing a therapist?
And I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Even if a girl (or a few) reject you, you still got yourself out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there. That's an accomplishment too.
I'm am on anxiety meds for a short while. Then I'll go see a therapist. I totally agree with your second sentence, this whole me getting myself a girlfriend will have me doing all the things I'm afraid of and get anxious about. All the rejections and failed attempts will be great milestones for me and even if I don't end up ever having a girlfriend then the journey to getting to the point of failure will not have been in vain. Because I went out of my comfort zone and I'm sure I'll make plenty of friends along the way, even if I don't get a girlfriend.
FO-totality
Poet Centuriate
So i've learned that I don't even like to dance when I'm drunk
I'm so boned.
I'm so boned.
beat
Member
http://thechrisgethardshow.tumblr.com/post/58806367347/anonymous-asks-youve-let-it-be-known-several (Gethard (pronounced 'geth-urd") is both funny and really insightful)
... I can't say I've taken this advice yet though.
So communicating with people through Facebook (or hell, any form other than in person) is new to me. I messaged this girl for the first time, and we chatted for around an hour and a half. Should I now wait for her to contact me? Obviously it would be nuts to strike up a convo so soon with someone I've really only just met, but I was thinking of maybe giving it a week or so.
How do you know this person? Do you know her through a friend or did you 'meet' her through a dating website or is it someone you literally had the balls to speak to while out in public? Either way, I'd say how long you wait depends entirely on how the last conversation ended and how the conversation went in general. I'd typically wait a day or two before sending any sort of message, no less than twenty-four hours at any rate.
That's a great link, I'm gonna read it some more later. I had two girls last night grinding me so well I had to readjust my pants accordingly several times. If you want women to basically vertically lap dance you to good music while arcing their backs over your shoulder so you can play with their breasts and breathe in their perfume at the same time all in front of their friends, you better learn to enjoy dancing
It'll make you feel sexy as well, which is very attractive. As the saying goes, dancing is a vertical expression for a desire to have some horizontal action.I've got two posts on this page, but the gist is that we've talked for 2 hours in person (on a single day - the 5th). She's in one of my classes but I'd never spoken to her before then.
She said something along the lines of "We'll talk soon", so I dunno. Seems to imply that she'll message me, but I guess we'll see.
And the only time you've spoken to her, besides those two hours on lunch, is online through Facebook? I'd say that before you do or try anything else with her, you need to get some more face time with her. There are people who have had success with a girl through online only, but I honestly think a mix of the both is the key to success.
I wouldn't take that as an indication that she'll be looking to start the next conversation. I'd pop up and say something to her before she gets the idea in her head that you're not interested in her. It sounds unreasonable, I know, but girls are like that. Just pop up, ask her how she is, how her day has been and then ask her if she perhaps fancy meeting up for coffee sometime, which will open up the scenario in the first part of my post - the face time. After that, it's pretty much smooth sailing.
It was supposed to be lunch, but we just ended up sitting (or lying, I guess) on the grass and talking. But essentially, yeah. Roughly 2 hours face time and 2 hours online at this point.
We've got class in a few days so I'll be able to talk to her then, but if there's nothing by tomorrow or the day after I'll definitely consider sending a message. If I'm going to organise anything I'd rather it be done in person though.
Yeah, if you're going to organise something, then it's definitely advisable to do it in person rather than by text or through Facebook. I only suggested that because I wasn't certain of your circumstances regarding how often you see her. If you're seeing her in class, though, strike up conversation with her and drop a hint or two about meeting up outside of class for a more casual chat.
I'm unfortunately pretty buzzed already but just wanted to semi-introduce myself and say hi. Went on my first date in twelve years last Tuesday so started lurking this thread to see how things work.
Huuuuuuuuuuuge age difference (13 years haha), but we both agreed the date was fun and wanted to hang out again. Talked to her twice during the week afterwards, but I'm coming up on 48 hours of having my follow up date text being ignored so it sucks. Especially awkward because she works in my office so I don't really follow how ignoring me is really going to fly lol.
So on one hand life sucks because my whole schtick of thinking dating college girls could still work even though I'm old guy who looks young obviously blew up. However, it was 100% refreshing actually getting back out there and asking someone out. It has even got me back into the gym for the first time in six years which is even better.
Huuuuuuuuuuuge age difference (13 years haha), but we both agreed the date was fun and wanted to hang out again. Talked to her twice during the week afterwards, but I'm coming up on 48 hours of having my follow up date text being ignored so it sucks. Especially awkward because she works in my office so I don't really follow how ignoring me is really going to fly lol.
So on one hand life sucks because my whole schtick of thinking dating college girls could still work even though I'm old guy who looks young obviously blew up. However, it was 100% refreshing actually getting back out there and asking someone out. It has even got me back into the gym for the first time in six years which is even better.
Who says it blew up? Jesus, mate, it's only been two days. You mentioned she's a college girl, right? She probably has a lot of shit going on in her social life. All college/university girls do, man, just relax and let it flow - if she acted like she had a good time, and she said she had a good time, chances are she probably did have a good time. Just give it some time and she'll come running.
Rand0m TAG
Member
Can i get some advice
I got set up with a girl. 1st Date was a nice meet up at a coffee shop. We talked for hours and had a good time. 2nd Date was the real date. I took her out for dinner. Again we had a good time. I know she really likes me. I'm just kind of having intimacy issues. I recently broke up with a girl who I thought was perfect for me. I really like the girl I'm going out with currently, but im kind of scared to open up. Any tips? She is also kind of shy
I got set up with a girl. 1st Date was a nice meet up at a coffee shop. We talked for hours and had a good time. 2nd Date was the real date. I took her out for dinner. Again we had a good time. I know she really likes me. I'm just kind of having intimacy issues. I recently broke up with a girl who I thought was perfect for me. I really like the girl I'm going out with currently, but im kind of scared to open up. Any tips? She is also kind of shy
hydragonwarrior
Member
Well you know the theory, which is great! But just realize the any of your next steps will be akin to stepping your foot into a swimming pool; it's chilly at first, but you eventually get in and it warms up.
Some people will just jump in right away - that begins to make sense after you know it's going to be chilly but you go "fuck it" to get it over with and just get in there. But the worst mistake people make is that they assume they have to be the guy who jumps in right away, rather than going into it their own pace - even if it is as slow as a turtle.
There's no right way to getting a girlfriend - no one person gets a girlfriend the same way, so you're never really doing it wrong if you just be friendly and funny. The kind of friendly and funny you'll sharpen as you talk to more women.
MacGurcules
Member
Good on you for getting back out there. Sounds like you're taking the right attitude.
This is actually kind of uncanny, though. My circumstances are surprisingly similar. I turned 31 this year and prior to a couple of years ago, I hadn't had a date since college. Then in the last couple of years, I've had a handful of short runs with some 20 to 21 year old girls. I felt like I never really got my chance to date college women, so seeing the young ladies seemed reasonable. I had some fun, but none of it really went anywhere and I was never very satisfied. My current girlfriend is actually a couple of years older than me and she makes me feel younger than college girls ever did.
So date the college women if you want. It's certainly possible. However, don't be afraid to give an older woman a try, either.
The best advice I can give, and it's going to sound kinda harsh, is to just man the fuck up and get on with it. I can totally understand not wanting to open up in fear of being hurt again, but how can you expect to even begin to move on if you're not willing to at least give it a try? You might've got fucked over by your last girlfriend but that doesn't mean that every girl is going to be a potential heartbreaker. Be cautious, sure, but don't shut yourself off completely. And, hey, if you open up, that will show trust in the relationship you two have and she'll soon open up to you, too.
Is it too forward to set up a second date the day after the first? Because that's what I did. She said yes (even picked the place), and since we're both busy with work I thought it'd be nice to have a plan.
She's really quiet, so part of me still feels like I barely know her. At the mall I got about 10 sentences out of her in 3 hours. She's more vocal with texts, but again, I don't want to come across as too forward. With the exception of texting her number to me, I've always been the one to initiate conversation, about once a day. Even then it's about ~20 minutes between texts, should I lay off a bit? I actually like that she seems as new at this as me, I'd just like a little more feedback from her.
Then again, my mom and sister are also both incredibly shy, and are never ones to start conversations. They've both thanked me for always being the one to reach out, so I don't know what to do >_<.
She's really quiet, so part of me still feels like I barely know her. At the mall I got about 10 sentences out of her in 3 hours. She's more vocal with texts, but again, I don't want to come across as too forward. With the exception of texting her number to me, I've always been the one to initiate conversation, about once a day. Even then it's about ~20 minutes between texts, should I lay off a bit? I actually like that she seems as new at this as me, I'd just like a little more feedback from her.
Then again, my mom and sister are also both incredibly shy, and are never ones to start conversations. They've both thanked me for always being the one to reach out, so I don't know what to do >_<.
Don't think it is too forward (maybe others can comment since I'm not very experienced, but thought that was the general answer). Pretty sure my ex and I were setting up plans for a 2nd date hours after our first date. Would have been the next day, but it was too late and we went with meeting 2 days later (at Pinballz actually). If you two get along great and have fun together, don't think it is a problem.
My ex initially started all the conversation (we went with IM mostly, and I/we waited until the evenings). I always felt like I might be bothering her, so I didn't want to IM her all the time (which I could have easily done), but I started initiating things more a little while after that (though partly because she expressed a bit of frustration about always being the one to start the chats). You can maybe mention that you'd feel better (i.e., don't want to pester her) if she started some conversations too, though not sure I'd worry much about that at this point (maybe after a few dates and/or if it continues to bother you?). Just a thought (anyone else have other ideas?).
edit: I kind of skimmed over the 10 sentences in 3 hours part. What kind of setup was this? All my dates involved lots of conversations (I might have even gotten more sentences than that with my "speed" dating). Sitting across from each other at a table and just talking for a few hours (family, college, video games, our experience in Austin/Texas, alpacas, etc.). Was this like that, or were you guys checking out a movie or something (sorry if you posted earlier and I missed/forgot that part)? Maybe you two can push for more conversations next time?
My ex initially started all the conversation (we went with IM mostly, and I/we waited until the evenings). I always felt like I might be bothering her, so I didn't want to IM her all the time (which I could have easily done
), but I started initiating things more a little while after that (though partly because she expressed a bit of frustration about always being the one to start the chats). You can maybe mention that you'd feel better (i.e., don't want to pester her) if she started some conversations too, though not sure I'd worry much about that at this point (maybe after a few dates and/or if it continues to bother you?). Just a thought (anyone else have other ideas?).edit: I kind of skimmed over the 10 sentences in 3 hours part. What kind of setup was this? All my dates involved lots of conversations (I might have even gotten more sentences than that with my "speed" dating). Sitting across from each other at a table and just talking for a few hours (family, college, video games, our experience in Austin/Texas, alpacas, etc.). Was this like that, or were you guys checking out a movie or something (sorry if you posted earlier and I missed/forgot that part)? Maybe you two can push for more conversations next time?
We went to Barton Creek Mall and checked out the stores, then saw a movie. I tried to make conversation and gave little vignettes as we passed places, some of which she responded to. Took us about an hour to see everything, and most of the time she just walked quietly beside me. We had the theater to ourselves for a bit where we talked the most, but she quieted back down when other people starting coming in. I told her afterwards that I had fun and would like to do it again, and she nervously said "okay." Texted her to set up a trip to the Nature Center, and she agreed.
I'm used to quiet people, just not to dating them. I was hoping we'd make conversation as we walked around, but I may've dropped the ball by not sitting down to do it. Hope I'm not making the same mistake. If we finish early I might ask her if she'd like to visit Zilker Botanical Garden since it's right down the road. Dinner dates are out right now because she's on the fastlane through braces, so her teeth are always hurting. Coffee could work, but neither of us are big drinkers. She's pretty much a water/milk/juice only person, which is great because I am too.
Ah, OK.
You don't necessarily need to eat/drink something big. First two dates, I ate one slice of pizza and drank water (she didn't eat anything IIRC, and drank tea/water). Still spent something like 4+ hours talking at food tables. Maybe just see if you can sit somewhere (for a small snack/drink/rest?), and spend the time talking? Assuming you want to do that (I enjoy it, so I'd probably push for it personally).
I like spending a lot of time early on just talking (just getting more comfortable with each other, nothing really "planned"), though I wouldn't stress too much over it. It should happen at some point, especially if you two are having fun together. Since you two are talking a lot outside of these meetings too, that helps some I think.
BTW, unrelated to your situation, but since we're talking Austin, I forgot to mention that I ended up signing up for a membership for that "Speed Friending" thing I mentioned a while back (I ended up thinking I should do 1-2 of these a month, just to meet random people). One of my perks is that I believe I can get people into the events for 1/2 off (and one person for free for one event a month). Think that comes out to $7-$15 per event ($15-$30 full price, depending on when you RSVP). I might need to double-check with them on specifics though. I wasn't really planning on using that perk much, but if there are other single GAFers in Austin who want to check it out, maybe we can go together for a discounted rate (I get some appetizer/drink perks too, and some other stuff I'm not sure I'll really use). Just throwing that out there in case anyone is interested. As I said then, I think it is a decent amount of fun, and if you're lucky, maybe you'll find someone (or win a prize...or both).
You don't necessarily need to eat/drink something big. First two dates, I ate one slice of pizza and drank water (she didn't eat anything IIRC, and drank tea/water). Still spent something like 4+ hours talking at food tables. Maybe just see if you can sit somewhere (for a small snack/drink/rest?), and spend the time talking? Assuming you want to do that (I enjoy it, so I'd probably push for it personally).
I like spending a lot of time early on just talking (just getting more comfortable with each other, nothing really "planned"), though I wouldn't stress too much over it. It should happen at some point, especially if you two are having fun together. Since you two are talking a lot outside of these meetings too, that helps some I think.
BTW, unrelated to your situation, but since we're talking Austin, I forgot to mention that I ended up signing up for a membership for that "Speed Friending" thing I mentioned a while back (I ended up thinking I should do 1-2 of these a month, just to meet random people). One of my perks is that I believe I can get people into the events for 1/2 off (and one person for free for one event a month). Think that comes out to $7-$15 per event ($15-$30 full price, depending on when you RSVP). I might need to double-check with them on specifics though. I wasn't really planning on using that perk much, but if there are other single GAFers in Austin who want to check it out, maybe we can go together for a discounted rate (I get some appetizer/drink perks too, and some other stuff I'm not sure I'll really use). Just throwing that out there in case anyone is interested. As I said then, I think it is a decent amount of fun, and if you're lucky, maybe you'll find someone (or win a prize...or both).
Rand0m TAG
Member
what i needed to hear.
would it be weird if i just called / or texted her and we just discussed openly about random personal shit or would that be weird?
A little bit. I personally think that personal stuff like that is best done in person. It has more feeling to it then, and you can see and read each others emotions better. Up to you, in the end.
FutureZombie
Banned
Okay, here's a strange situation. I ask this girl from work out on a date, she agrees, and it goes well. In fact, on the date she says she was really excited when I asked her out. Afterwards, we say that we'll go out again on Sunday. Saturday I text her and we chat a bit. Then I try to make plans for Sunday. After a few hours I get a text back saying that she is sorry for keeping me waiting, but she has to go to a funeral on Monday and will be out of town, but she'll be back at work on Tuesday, and my plan sounded fun. I say something like, "I'm sorry to hear that. Was this someone close to you?" But she never responds.
I figure, maybe something is up with her phone. It just seems bizarre not to respond to that text. The next day, I text her, "Would you like to go to dinner Tuesday night." Again, I get no response. I didn't see her at work, and I walked by her office like 4 times during the course of the day, so I'm fairly certain she wasn't there. But I still have not heard from her. What's going on? Any thoughts?
I figure, maybe something is up with her phone. It just seems bizarre not to respond to that text. The next day, I text her, "Would you like to go to dinner Tuesday night." Again, I get no response. I didn't see her at work, and I walked by her office like 4 times during the course of the day, so I'm fairly certain she wasn't there. But I still have not heard from her. What's going on? Any thoughts?
Ghost_Protocol
Member
No no no no no NO. Nothing is ever wrong with any girls phone ever. Ever. It might as well be an additional body part.
FutureZombie
Banned
I don't understand the not returning a text thing. It takes literally 15 seconds to do. And we're going to see each other tomorrow so it's just bizarre that she would ignore me.
grap3fruitman
Banned
She's not into you.
AdventureRacing
Member
Maybe she's upset about the funeral? I'm having trouble following the timelines. When were you trying to see her at work? I'm assuming it was Sunday or Monday, why were you surprised she wasn't there when she told you she would be away at a funeral?
Personally and maybe this is just me but i wouldn't have asked her out to dinner on Tuesday when she told you she would be out of town at a funeral. Especially when you would be seeing her on Tuesday anyway.
I think you should just wait to see her on Tuesday and see what happens.
Personally and maybe this is just me but i wouldn't have asked her out to dinner on Tuesday when she told you she would be out of town at a funeral. Especially when you would be seeing her on Tuesday anyway.
I think you should just wait to see her on Tuesday and see what happens.
FutureZombie
Banned
That's my guess.
Well I didn't expect to see her at work, I just wanted to confirm for the story that she was in fact not there. I didn't go snooping around; her office is in the center of the building so I can see in there while walking the halls.
Should be awkward seeing her tomorrow.
stn
Member
@FutureZombie
Give her space. If she wants to contact you, she will. Just like men, women WILL make effort if they like you. Good luck, let us know of updates.
Anyway, just wanted to post a success story. Managed to pull three phone numbers in one night of online work, lol. On the verge of getting a fourth. Got one girl I am very interested in and meeting Wednesday, one I'm very interested in networking with, and two that I'd just hangout with.
Give her space. If she wants to contact you, she will. Just like men, women WILL make effort if they like you. Good luck, let us know of updates.
Anyway, just wanted to post a success story. Managed to pull three phone numbers in one night of online work, lol. On the verge of getting a fourth. Got one girl I am very interested in and meeting Wednesday, one I'm very interested in networking with, and two that I'd just hangout with.
This. My iphone has been acting up a bit, not notifying me of received messages either at all or until I turn on the screen. But in general, this doesn't happen ever. It'll take a lot for a girl to forget to answer or miss a message. Either way, it's none of your business and a tell tale sign of over thinking it FZ.
The girl is at a funeral! Come ON man xD For all you know, her entire family was murdered last week. I wouldn't be looking at my phone in that situation either so cut her some slack here. She is the epitome of being busy with other shit right now. You have no right to be butthurt and wounded over this. You've been on one date with this girl, it's not bizarre AT ALL that she has other things on her mind at the moment. Someone she cares about is DEAD!
I agree with this too. Going on a date the same evening you get back from a funeral doesn't sound like a good idea. On paper it might've been nice to go do something else and clear you head etc, but that's rarely how it goes in reality I think. Nice gesture perhaps but not very practical :S I wouldn't expect it to work either.
I think you're getting caught up inside your own head here. Do you think she's lying about the funeral or something? Why? There's no need to try and confirm this story of hers. To me it sounds like you're being pushy and needy already, like you're expecting this girl to sleep with you just because of one date or something along those lines. You sound over attached already is what I'm saying basically. You seem to have unhealthy expectations essentially. And that's also why you think this is gonna be awkward tomorrow. Because you've clearly given this a lot more thought than she probably has. SHE won't make it awkward between you two. That's on you. As far as I can tell, she hasn't done anything wrong and you're being kinda weird about nothing :S
electricshake
Member
Saw my ex at the gym today, for the first time since we split up. We didn't talk (I don't actually know if he saw me or not) but it still made me feel crappy. I was doing ok but I feel like this has set me back a bit. I guess I just feel really lonely. The rest of my life is pretty sorted (started a new job, just back from an awesome holiday with some friends) but I seem to have terrible luck with men, and I'm not sure why, which is frustrating.
FutureZombie
Banned
I'm not saying she owes me anything, I don't think she does. I just wanted confirmation that it's a bad sign to not get a text back. And I had to text her. After someone says they're going to a funeral, you can't NOT say you're sorry or something like that.
Anyway, I saw her today and asked how she was. She's fine and the person who died wasn't someone close to her. I figured she was not into me, so I just said, "Let me know if you want to get together sometime" which gave her an out, but she said next week would be good.
Obviously I'm over-thinking/stressing out about this, but I have OCD, so if it's not a girl, it's something else that's occupying my mind every waking minute.
Anyway, I saw her today and asked how she was. She's fine and the person who died wasn't someone close to her. I figured she was not into me, so I just said, "Let me know if you want to get together sometime" which gave her an out, but she said next week would be good.
Obviously I'm over-thinking/stressing out about this, but I have OCD, so if it's not a girl, it's something else that's occupying my mind every waking minute.
trab pu kcip
Member
know that feel. no matter what I try, it's just bad luck every fucking time ._.
as for the ex...try to take your mind off him asap. maybe just go on some dates, even if the dudes may not seem to be the love of your life, but it helps with the not-thinking-about-him- thing
electricshake
Member
know that feel. no matter what I try, it's just bad luck every fucking time ._.
as for the ex...try to take your mind off him asap. maybe just go on some dates, even if the dudes may not seem to be the love of your life, but it helps with the not-thinking-about-him- thing
If only I could find someone to date!
I know that feeling man, it has plagued me for years.
Still, you're further than me in progress so keep it going dude.
You could try casually bringing up what else he has, or ask about something he wore previously and say you liked it. If he's never dressed well, you may need to be direct about it. If it were me, I'd appreciate a "dude, dress better", because it shows you gave a crap about what we were doing, and I don't like to embarrass myself. There's a chance he just doesn't know.
trab pu kcip
Member
does it really bother you that much...I wouldn't want my partner to mess with my clothing habits tbh.
yeah, I think Ill just be direct. Its been itching at me for a couple of weeks.
Well, I put some effort and hes made requests so I think its fair that we match somewhat. And he's worn the same outfit a bit too often. Its cool too wear comfy clothes once in a while, but not everytime.
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Me not being honest, me being selfish, and me being a douchebag
Suffice to say, the best thing for both of us was to end the relationship as I'd rather not be in a relationship than be a shitty boyfriend.
At least I my experiences can be used towards healthier relationships in my own future, and to better advise others.
Hey GAF, can someone give me advise on dating in college?
I've been talking to this girl for a few days and today we were going to go to some activity they were doing at my university, but it got cancelled. I thought "well fuck". She then invited me to her dorm to see a movie. Went and met her roommates and whatnot. Got cut short by a class and she invited me to come back after the class was over. Things seemed a bit too good to be honest lol. The thought of "do they think I'm gay" floated in my head, but I'm pretty sure I made it clear I wasn't
Questions: Am I looking too much into this? If not, how should I take this a bit further?
I've been talking to this girl for a few days and today we were going to go to some activity they were doing at my university, but it got cancelled. I thought "well fuck". She then invited me to her dorm to see a movie. Went and met her roommates and whatnot. Got cut short by a class and she invited me to come back after the class was over. Things seemed a bit too good to be honest lol. The thought of "do they think I'm gay" floated in my head, but I'm pretty sure I made it clear I wasn't
Questions: Am I looking too much into this? If not, how should I take this a bit further?
SquiddyCracker
Banned
Get her into more private adventures, and just see how things go when it's just you and her.
If you hit things off with her, things should escalate naturally into something more (just don't be too afraid of letting her know what you feel & think).
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