Femmeworth
Banned
Just looked on there, not much in my area.
Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
- Thread starter Bagels
- Start date
- Status
There are a few posts I want to reply to, that I feel need some love and attention, but right now I can't sleep. And this is bad. I was late to work this morning. I can't be late tomorrow. I'm lying in bed and my mind goes to her, it goes to her family, it goes to my failed rebound, it goes to my loneliness, it goes to my home. I took melatonin, which normally helps, but not tonight. I hate how one singular event has turned my whole life upside-down. How one relationship can trigger my whole mental collapse. Doctor put me on lithium three times a day versus two. That doesnt even phase me. Whatever it takes to fix my mental health issues. I feel my baseline rising, but this heavy void in my soul and my heart remains. Fuck, I miss her and I wish she had wanted me.
You all are very special and great people. I just want to put that out there. I can't single out anyone, because each one of you brings something unique, your experiences, thoughts, and opinions all serve to create one facet of the diamond that is us all.
I wish I had you all in my life 7 months ago.
You all are very special and great people. I just want to put that out there. I can't single out anyone, because each one of you brings something unique, your experiences, thoughts, and opinions all serve to create one facet of the diamond that is us all.
I wish I had you all in my life 7 months ago.
Isn't the purpose of a dating site to you know date someone? Can't be going to that intending to friendzone some femme. ;p
Femmeworth
Banned
On at least some dating websites, you can say you are looking for friends and they facilitate that.
Edit: Shit, I see some people from high school. Oh god, this was a bad idea. It's not too late, I haven't put up a picture yet.
SHADES
Member
We got your back, man.
(Lion's wrong though. We're all assholes here. Total douchebags.)
Lol, reading through this thread says otherwise
The camaraderie & helpfulness of you all is what gave me the courage to post my shit.
Bit more focused today, setting wheels in motion to get my son eating so if he grows his lung arteries will grow with him, lung pressures drop to meet criteria(13, he's 19 ATM) & he gets the fontan operation.
That's plan anyway, just got to get him eating, if not gastric bypass will be next step.
Guess I just panicked when consultant said "we've got 12-18months to work with him, if no improvement we've got to look at quality of life, survival rates, dignified death".
Up to now I've been solid, always had faith & believed if all else fails a heart transplant would be an option but consultant said "he would need a heart & lung transplant, which he doesn't meet criteria as same reasons & survival rate is very low" kinda knocking our back up plan out of the park.
When my mood drops low I tend to isolate myself, get lost in my own mind battling all problems on my own to which I cannot solve then when the realisation of this sets in I feel useless, can't sleep & drink. It's a bad combination for me to keep shit bottled up.
Agent Cooper
Member
I'm halfway into an essay someonE TELL ME TO KEEP GOING ITS KINDA DUE IN LIKE THREE AND HALF HOURS
ThoseDeafMutes
Member
Keep going. You'll be fine.
Time to be yourself Femme. Perfect opportunity to be yourself, and see how the dice rolls.
Lionheart1827
Member
Agent Cooper
Member
I want to like, knock myself out for like seventy hours.
Thanks, brother. Hang in there. You're not alone. I'm having a bad fuckin' day too, for what it's worth. I'll bring details later. About time I formally introduced myself anyway.
Take a few deep breaths. Why does your arm hurt?
PS. Our brains are easily fooled. Imagine putting on a cloak of armour before going to class. I know it sounds silly, but try it. It works, for whatever reason, for some people.
Collete
Member
Slashed myself a little last night.
Edit: I did go to class by the way, just wasn't my brightest moments.
Congrats on going to class in spite of that.
I have heard good things about meeting friends through a dating sight, go for it femme! Another option is looking through different forums for topics that interest you, lots of times they have sections for different locations. For example, boardgamegeek has a section for Canada where people can set up game nights or whathaveyou.
I'm starting a new routine I guess. Gonna exercise every morning right after breakfast.
SAWAP guys.
I'm starting a new routine I guess. Gonna exercise every morning right after breakfast.
SAWAP guys.
You know as well as I do that cutting yourself isn't the answer. And I'm not here to admonish you of course, but tell you that scars are no good for future prospects.
/I've got tons of scars, I should know.
Anyways, I think you should write a letter to yourself, actively writing down, what you intend do differently, next time you have the urge to cut yourself. Call it a contract. Call it whatever. As to what you should do, I don't know... take a colouring pen and draw lines, or draw a tattoo instead.
Bravo! I'm a big proponent of this. What are you doing? Running? Gym? Me, I visit the local pool twice a week and hit the gym (including motha. fucking. Turkish bath) on the rest of the days.
HerbertFish
Member
Man I love try to get into a psychiatrist. Two weeks since the ER trip and nothing. So far three doctors have turned me down because they dont have time for me. I've also been lied to twice about calls back that never came. Today a new one, I got hung up on. I didnt raise my voice but I called her office incompetent for lying and being unable to schedule me. Click. Probably a stupid thing to say, but no dumber than hanging up a potentially mentally unstable patient. Genius right there.
Meanwhile I'm in anxiety hell with attacks lasting over 24 hours at a time and feel like i'm going to die at any moment from a heart attack.
I have all proper insurance and everything so I had no idea it would be this difficult
Meanwhile I'm in anxiety hell with attacks lasting over 24 hours at a time and feel like i'm going to die at any moment from a heart attack.
I have all proper insurance and everything so I had no idea it would be this difficult
I just woke up (it's 12pm). I went to bed at 12am. I had a psych lecture at 10:30. Oh well. :/
Well, I thought the consequences were worth it, I dug her so much. In reality, I had no idea it was going to be like this.
I appreciate the pep-talk, but I've just never understood this matter of "pride" and "honor." "When you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose" echoes more for me.
I'm trying, believe me. My counselor has been drilling it into my brain that I deserved better and that it is perfectly normal to expect the same treatment back as was given.
I keep all of that, but I have it stored in places I have to actively seek out. Which I've not done but once in three months.
I look forward to this post!
Equally as important, I hope you are doing okay and are feeling better! Sometimes it can be tough to put how we're feeling into words, but do know this thread is full of some wonderful listeners!
I can relate, JB. Both of my parents are the results of abusive family environments (one alcoholism, the other physical). Subsequently, they're both textbook examples of the resulting mental illness that comes with said environments. My mom is barbed, critical, a rager, and skirts any responsibility, oftentimes deflecting everything back. My father is, quite literally, batshit insane. He's emotionally cold, flips between mania very quickly, and doesn't understand social cues or atmospheres. And my brother has distanced himself as much from the family as possible.
Not having that integral support structure in a family makes it all so much tougher. Though, as you've mentioned, it makes appreciating a community like this all the better.
Rock on! This is awesome news! It's worth repeating to everyone that it is so important you like your counselor and you get along with him/her.
How'd the interview go? Inquiring minds need to know!I called back this morning and got a hold of her, got my phone interview all set up for tomorrow morning!Now the anxiety for that starts setting in!
I feel ya on the personalizing things. I know I did it in my last relationship. Things hit me so hard, that shouldn't. I'm like a sponge, when it comes to what other people project to me.
And good for you on taking the necessary actions you needed. Next time you have to take a similar action it'll be easier!
Please, whatever you do, don't turn to alcohol and drugs during this tough time. Substances will only temporarily masking the pain, while conversely causing more problems.
I am happy to hear posting on here is helping. I know I'm rooting for you and your son!
Fake it 'til you make it!
ClassyPenguin
Banned
http://www.military.com/military-fitness/workouts/avoid-gym-by-using-calisthenics
Simple enough exercises and no need for gym memberships. I do suggest buying a pull up bar, though.
MisterLuffy
Member
I'm done with my class for today, and right now I'm at the library, on the internet. I have all the time I need to do my math homework. My next quiz is next week on Monday. I'm so lazy. I just don't have the drive to do it. I will soon get started though. This week sucks. Just like it will next week, the week after, and so on. One of the gaffer told me that if I had an option to take remedial classes for math. I don't. Do I have to take calc I and II for physics with calc I and II? I wish it wasn't the case. Makes me wish I took those classes earlier. My life is crap. It always have been and always will be.
Run on my treadmill. So far so good, today went well.
I will try this too!
Guys, guys, guys. I met a girl in my biology 1000 lecture yesterday. She sat beside me and we talked. I asked for her number and she gave it to me. She's super pretty and I... ohgodwhy. You already know where this is going. I have a song for this.
The Smiths - I Want The One I Can't Have
I want the one I can't have
And it's driving me mad
It's written all over my face
On the day that your mentality
Catches up with your biology
And if you ever need self-validation
Just meet me in the alley by the railway station
It's all over my face
Maybe it's not driving me mad per se, but still. You get it. Ffffffuuuuuu--
The Smiths - I Want The One I Can't Have
I want the one I can't have
And it's driving me mad
It's written all over my face
On the day that your mentality
Catches up with your biology
And if you ever need self-validation
Just meet me in the alley by the railway station
It's all over my face
Maybe it's not driving me mad per se, but still. You get it. Ffffffuuuuuu--
Slow your roll, son. Take it easy, try not to over-think things, and go with the flow. If you take the interactions as they come, and don't get attached right away, you're going to have a much better time together. Just treat her as a friend, really. For now.
Edit - This advice is all given with the idea to keep your anxiety to a minimum.
Our class is *huge* (500+ people) and we're in different lab sections. The interactions would be few and far between since it would be impossible to find a single person in that class. :x
I was more or less talking about as you two begin to talk more and (hopefully) develop a relationship, platonic or romantic.
On that note, I want to cry today. My post from last night sums it up.
My motivation is all gone... Thought I'd study some today for bio or chem. I have absolutely no care to do it right now though. I just want to sleep and forget everything. Suicidal thoughts coming on at times... I need to set something up at my clinic, but my university schedule is so shit that it'll be very hard.
Ah well the only way we talk is if one of us texts first, right? (Seeing as it's unlikely we'll see each other in class). I've admittedly never asked someone for their number like that before. The thought of asking just randomly came to me. Dunno why.
As for the bolded, I know what you mean. I think what I'm doing right now may be my brain just trying to rebound (after over a year) as I'm in a new setting with new people and a huge hole that my brain tells me I need someone to help fill.
Ah well the only way we talk is if one of us texts first, right? (Seeing as it's unlikely we'll see each other in class). I've admittedly never asked someone for their number like that before. The thought of asking just randomly came to me. Dunno why.
As for the bolded, I know what you mean. I think what I'm doing right now may be my brain just trying to rebound (after over a year) as I'm in a new setting with new people and a huge hole that my brain tells me I need someone to help fill.
I think you'll be surprised how flexible they will be. And, please do set something up. Suicidal thoughts are the litmus test for me. Once they come into my head, I know things are really bad.
I like ya, Windam. I followed your posts in the WoW thread. You've got a good head on your shoulders and you can beat this, As for not having the motivation, try to get going on studying. Even if it's for 10 minutes. Or 30 minutes. If you can push yourself to make small steps towards being productive, you're going to find it easier to keep that momentum up. And the more you do this, the better you will be for it and your mind should follow.
Is Neojubei still banned? Has anyone heard from him? I'm worried...
Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. Haven't played WoW at all since about Saturday. Would love to get back on, but going from level 57-85 (solo) in about a week and a half really burnt me out, so I have no interest in playing. No interest in other games either, and Kingdom Hearts HD came out... What is wrong with me? :'(
Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. Haven't played WoW at all since about Saturday. Would love to get back on, but going from level 57-85 (solo) in about a week and a half really burnt me out, so I have no interest in playing. No interest in other games either, and Kingdom Hearts HD came out... What is wrong with me? :'(
I asked a while back. He was given a lengthy ban so he could get away from GAF and work on himself a bit. I haven't heard from him, but I rather think he doesn't like me that much (which I understand), so I doubt he's going to ring me up.
That's an easy one! You're depressed.
I went through the same thing over the past three months. I am just now starting to get back into gaming. Like I said above, just start out with the small steps. Fake it 'til you make it. I know you can beat this. And if I'm wrong there, then I know we (this community, collectively speaking) can.
Collete
Member
My health had been suspiciously decent this month. No downright terrible days at all. There were entire chunks of time last month which I spent in bed. I couldn't even sit on the couch to play a video game during the worst times. Just sorta lay there, like a slug. I'd have mumble going so I could hear people's voices and pretend that I was a part of society. The pain was often beyond all comprehension. I remember night after night, rocking back in forth in bed, crying, feeling so hopeless.
I write this because today, I'm crashing again. You never quite get over the grief of being chronically ill, the limitations it puts on you but just this once, I had convinced myself that it was all going to be better. Maybe the drugs I had gotten were working a bit. Maybe it was mind over matter. Maybe it was just all going away. But no, it's never going away. This is why it's so dangerous at times to allow yourself to hope. I haven't cried most of this month but I'll be doing it a lot today.
I write this because today, I'm crashing again. You never quite get over the grief of being chronically ill, the limitations it puts on you but just this once, I had convinced myself that it was all going to be better. Maybe the drugs I had gotten were working a bit. Maybe it was mind over matter. Maybe it was just all going away. But no, it's never going away. This is why it's so dangerous at times to allow yourself to hope. I haven't cried most of this month but I'll be doing it a lot today.
There's only one answer: you'll have to get on mumble and listen to *me* cry as I try to finish Ys Origin. It'll be therapeutic for both of us.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGglw8eAikY
I found this short video fascinating. It's all true. Especially the social isolation part, which is what I've gone through a lot.
I found this short video fascinating. It's all true. Especially the social isolation part, which is what I've gone through a lot.
SHADES
Member
Well, I thought the consequences were worth it, I dug her so much. In reality, I had no idea it was going to be like this.
I appreciate the pep-talk, but I've just never understood this matter of "pride" and "honor." "When you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose" echoes more for me.
I'm trying, believe me. My counselor has been drilling it into my brain that I deserved better and that it is perfectly normal to expect the same treatment back as was given.
I keep all of that, but I have it stored in places I have to actively seek out. Which I've not done but once in three months.
I look forward to this post!
Equally as important, I hope you are doing okay and are feeling better! Sometimes it can be tough to put how we're feeling into words, but do know this thread is full of some wonderful listeners!
I can relate, JB. Both of my parents are the results of abusive family environments (one alcoholism, the other physical). Subsequently, they're both textbook examples of the resulting mental illness that comes with said environments. My mom is barbed, critical, a rager, and skirts any responsibility, oftentimes deflecting everything back. My father is, quite literally, batshit insane. He's emotionally cold, flips between mania very quickly, and doesn't understand social cues or atmospheres. And my brother has distanced himself as much from the family as possible.
Not having that integral support structure in a family makes it all so much tougher. Though, as you've mentioned, it makes appreciating a community like this all the better.
Rock on! This is awesome news! It's worth repeating to everyone that it is so important you like your counselor and you get along with him/her.
How'd the interview go? Inquiring minds need to know!
I feel ya on the personalizing things. I know I did it in my last relationship. Things hit me so hard, that shouldn't. I'm like a sponge, when it comes to what other people project to me.
And good for you on taking the necessary actions you needed. Next time you have to take a similar action it'll be easier!
Please, whatever you do, don't turn to alcohol and drugs during this tough time. Substances will only temporarily masking the pain, while conversely causing more problems.
I am happy to hear posting on here is helping. I know I'm rooting for you and your son!
Fake it 'til you make it!
With me a former heroin addict & my mother an alcoholic I only ever drink when I feel life is really shit & only then when I can't sleep ( were talking twice a month max here ) as I have fears of turning into my mother. I guess I use it as a chance to get it out, I bottle everything up ( to my wife & kids I'm superman & can take & deal with anything, but that isn't so!).
Thanks for your kind words, I really appreciate them, I just guess right now I'm fighting the worst and realising what may be,. trust me, if you knew my boy you'd fall in love, he's the most loving/gentlest child & we get so much from him, to loose him now after all we've been through & him not seeing anything of what we can offer him would be so tragic.
Enough of the negative shit, my boys beat the odds before, he'll do it again just this time he needs more help, so I'm thinking of taking a sabbatical ( financially I can survive 2 years) and putting everything into him.
Here's to hope.
Well, the English teacher interviewer went well enough that I'm being offered pre-registration classes to test how I'd teach and see if I'm good enough to be a teacher. Sucks that Japan is 13 hours ahead of Toronto: "This time works out so well for me! ...Wait... then it would be 4am in Japan FFFFFFUUUUU--". Anxiety building! I don't want to mess up my first tutorial class and then have my application discarded 
. Also got an email asking for an over-the-phone interview for a call centre I applied to that's located downtown. I'm nervous for that, too. Plus I'm still stressing about school. Currently wondering if it was a smart move deciding I want to do science. (Blame Suits. I think I could totally be the next Harvey Specter.) Stressing out the ass... Could really go for a cold Smirnoff Ice right now. Bleh.
. Also got an email asking for an over-the-phone interview for a call centre I applied to that's located downtown. I'm nervous for that, too. Plus I'm still stressing about school. Currently wondering if it was a smart move deciding I want to do science. (Blame Suits. I think I could totally be the next Harvey Specter.) Stressing out the ass... Could really go for a cold Smirnoff Ice right now. Bleh. ClassyPenguin
Banned
I should title it "Move to California"
Freewrite time. Time to talk about... Canada DGAF.
Smiley90: There's a lot that can be said about Smiley90. Kind, generous, funny, weird, helpful... I went into the Depression thread last year totally friendless and devoid of social interaction. Smiley changed that when he PMed me, and then randomly gifted me games on Steam for no reason. Since that time we've had countless conversations on stuff from school, music, tv, movies, how our love lives suck, to general nonsense. He's always been there to listen to me and support whenever I needed it, and was the first person I would consider a friend in many years. I could write pages about this guy, but that'd be something Bagels would do (gaaay!), so I won't. You're a cool guy and great friend, but you're not a *special* friend, y'know? Also, I kind of hate you because you refuse to come to Toronto. The Canucks can eat a dick, and I look forward to your city trashing itself again.
MikeDip: Dude's a wizard. Seriously, he has to be the most patient person I've met (online). He got me through my summer math class without once snapping at me for being stupid and a failure, and we've had some pretty great conversations ranging from stupid shit to actual advice/life stuff. He's a great guy, even if he has a borderline creepy obsession with the Oculus Rift. And no, contrary to what he said, I won't be buying one and letting him use it. I don't want a rift. End of story. Now stop telling me to get one goddammit.
Prax: No one knows for sure where it is exactly that Prax comes from. She tends to just randomly appear for a short period and then disappear, leaving us mystified as to how she arrived before us. One thing we can be sure of however, is that when she does appear, she comes armed with useful advice and kindness, creating big ass mega-posts that sometimes strain your eyes after reading through the first 40 quotes. Prax came to my rescue in July (the shittiest month of the year in terms of my luck) when my PC reached new heights and attained self-awareness and a consciousness then promptly decided "yo fuck you guy, I quit," and started acting up on me. She donated to me an old CPU that I could use to get my PC back up and running simply out of the kindness of her heart. I have a dream that one day we shall be able to create a Prax army, and that the world would benefit from such an organization.
Nithidia, or Nithidis, or NiamH or whoever you are: We haven't spoken much, but from your posts here I can tell that you're a really cool person, and you offering to help me out with my resume was really awesome and I appreciate it. Also, please stop changing your username. Seriously. Just stop. Please?
Canada DGAF is best DGAF. For reals. If you're a Canadian DGAFFer and I didn't get you here, I'm sorry. You just don't exist in my mind.
Smiley90: There's a lot that can be said about Smiley90. Kind, generous, funny, weird, helpful... I went into the Depression thread last year totally friendless and devoid of social interaction. Smiley changed that when he PMed me, and then randomly gifted me games on Steam for no reason. Since that time we've had countless conversations on stuff from school, music, tv, movies, how our love lives suck, to general nonsense. He's always been there to listen to me and support whenever I needed it, and was the first person I would consider a friend in many years. I could write pages about this guy, but that'd be something Bagels would do (gaaay!), so I won't. You're a cool guy and great friend, but you're not a *special* friend, y'know? Also, I kind of hate you because you refuse to come to Toronto. The Canucks can eat a dick, and I look forward to your city trashing itself again.
MikeDip: Dude's a wizard. Seriously, he has to be the most patient person I've met (online). He got me through my summer math class without once snapping at me for being stupid and a failure, and we've had some pretty great conversations ranging from stupid shit to actual advice/life stuff. He's a great guy, even if he has a borderline creepy obsession with the Oculus Rift
. And no, contrary to what he said, I won't be buying one and letting him use it. I don't want a rift. End of story. Now stop telling me to get one goddammit.Prax: No one knows for sure where it is exactly that Prax comes from. She tends to just randomly appear for a short period and then disappear, leaving us mystified as to how she arrived before us. One thing we can be sure of however, is that when she does appear, she comes armed with useful advice and kindness, creating big ass mega-posts that sometimes strain your eyes after reading through the first 40 quotes. Prax came to my rescue in July (the shittiest month of the year in terms of my luck) when my PC reached new heights and attained self-awareness and a consciousness then promptly decided "yo fuck you guy, I quit," and started acting up on me. She donated to me an old CPU that I could use to get my PC back up and running simply out of the kindness of her heart. I have a dream that one day we shall be able to create a Prax army, and that the world would benefit from such an organization.
Nithidia, or Nithidis, or NiamH or whoever you are: We haven't spoken much, but from your posts here I can tell that you're a really cool person, and you offering to help me out with my resume was really awesome and I appreciate it. Also, please stop changing your username. Seriously. Just stop. Please?
Canada DGAF is best DGAF. For reals. If you're a Canadian DGAFFer and I didn't get you here, I'm sorry. You just don't exist in my mind.
I tweetered a rather resonating saying I heard on NPR this morning. I think it's worth sharing. However, after googling it, I found a much more expanded version of the saying, that I think the saying came from. Hopefully someone here will find it as moving as I did.
Original Phrase said:
Expanded Version said:
RoninChaos
Member
I don't have anything to add, or offer really, but I think it's really cool you guys have this thread.
eddfromtheriver
Banned
So there's a 5 KM race this coming sunday @ campus, it's open to the general public, 1st prize gets 100 dlls, 2nd gets 75 dlls, and 3rd gets 50 dlls. I am an amateur boxer, train and run everyday (except for sundays), i am the fastest guy in school, and they are telling me that it would be easy for me to win 1st place, but since it's open to the general public, I'm having second thoughts... because who knows who might show up?... on the plus side if i win... the i can finally get "The Puppeteer".
You should do it, regardless of the prize money. I ran my first 5k earlier this year and it was so much fun! It's a very rewarding experience, in and of itself.
eddfromtheriver
Banned
Yeah, but the money wouldn't hurt though!!!... and i want another medal to add to my collection. Hell ima do it!!!
- Status