Sober, I remembered too late about your first post in the thread. I wanted to answer at the time but then I got distracted by other things.
I made a huge mistake ;D
No worries man, kinda surprised someone took time to read what I had to say, especially since I noticed you kinda went through my previous posts too. Guess I should visit the thread a bit more often and soak in some advice. Wish I had some to give though.
You didn't sound anxious about the relationship in your post, so I assumed you were used to FWB situations.
Since it's your first experience calling her out on her behaviour may be too much of a stretch. I'd say keep doing what you are doing and learn everything you can from this experience with a clear head. A first experience/relationship shouldn't be dissected like I did. You are right it in enjoying for what it is.
As for not wanting to fuck it up, at best I can tell you a couple of impressions I have on her after reading your previous posts.
Man you cannot believe how green I am, dunno why I finally decided to begin doing anything at the tender age of 25 after I've been lapped by everyone else. But I agree I don't think I have much to say about calling her out on her BS sometimes.
First, huge props on not complaining about her seeing other men. I don't know if I'll make things better or worst by telling you this but: 99% of the men she talks about are pure fiction. There may be one she is also seeing, at best. I've never seen or heard about a girl having more then one FWB at a time, except when maybe she has an ex-boyfriend, a FB and a guy she is "monitoring" to assess if he's going to be fit for a relationship or not. The thing is that simply girls in FWB like to keep testing you on your behaviour, to see if you are really not threatened by the presence of other men in her life or if you are hiding your jealousy because you prefer to be number 2 or 3 rather then not having a relationship at all. So cheers, I've seen older and more experienced men then you with less character to show.
Then about the birth control and the gyno telling her to restrain from sex: this is also major BS. She is telling you this and restricting herself to oral sex because she is hesitant about you and she hasn't figured you out (yet). Despite what she says, this girl has A LOT of sex drive and she is trying to controlling it by "just" giving bjs, to control you.
Yeah she's told me about maybe a few one-night stands or her most recent ex- from a few years back, but obviously I can only take those at face value ((not) surprisingly: they all were well-endowed or something along those lines). I honestly really couldn't care less because it's in her past anyway. She doesn't really talk about the other guys 'in her rotation', probably as you say, most of them probably don't really exist or something.
One night though I think she said (declared?) we were FWBs but she said I should only expect 'benefits' like 1/3 of the time. I don't know how true that is or if she was trying to gauge my response (I was fine with it), and to be honest I don't have many friends to hang out with often, and well she told me she wanted to just make more friends to hang out with rather than hook up with guys or what have you.
I was going to call her out another time because one night she said one of the guys in her rotation dropped her because he was chatting up someone he liked (we were hanging out at a meetup, so it wasn't just the two of us). So she said she wanted to just take someone home for the night. So up until that point I didn't really care and she told me to 'keep an open mind' for the rest of the evening and she was eying someone else at the pub we were hanging out at. Of course she didn't go home with anyone anyway and later told me she had already said 'no' and I was being creepy for trying to stick around her instead (mostly true but she made it seem like it was the whole night). Maybe partially my fault there too.
Also to clarify she has just flat out denied any sexual acts except for the one time. I mean most of the time she'll tell me not to bother if I make half a move and then she makes some comment on how I suddenly look sad, which really is my face going back to neutral position for about a fraction of a second then move on because I'm not entirely sure on how to gently push the issue. This is like maybe one or two minutes out of the day and then we just pick up where we left off doing whatever. She sometimes gives me shit about it but she might just be ribbing on me (optimistic here).
I fear this girl may be coming out of a relationship (already or soon) and she is keeping her options open telling you this bullcrap of the stolen phone. Try some experiment at her expense: do send her a message. Don't tell her anything about it, then see how she reacts. If she flips about it and calls you out on it, tell her you forgot she told you her phone was broken. If she hasn't given you her phone number, then I'm 100% sure she is playing games...which isn't necessarily a bad thing, since it doesn't look like it affects you, but it's still something to keep in mind for future reference.
Well to be fair she legit had her phone stolen; she tells the story to most people we know or what have you. That and her being so easy to set up times to hang out I doubt she would use "you have to pick me up from my place" as an excuse unless she actually had a phone on her so I wouldn't have to. I was actually dumb enough to not get her number even though I saw her using her phone (a lesson learned for another day) but I did catch up with her on FB like 3 days later. She told me in that time she had it stolen. She told me she had nudes on it but I don't really believe that (nor did she really tell anyone else, obvious reasons aside).
So we keep in touch but it's honestly on FB, but she has to bum time off her roommate's PC.
This IMO is not a problem. If you think that's the natural flow of a conversation, then that's how relationships are for you and there's nothing wrong. Don't feel like you have to put in hours of talking just because. If you would like to talk more though, and have her listening more, simply do it. Don't stress too much about being interesting, that's how people end up getting called try-hards. She is having sex with you because she is interested in you, which makes you interesting by definition.
It's mostly just when we're going to do something. That and I mean she is technically a gamer (she watches and plays League mostly) but I probably would make her eyes glaze over if I started going at GAF level discussion. I mean, I don't play LoL but I did play DOTA so it's relatively close enough that I was comfortable talking to her about it, and it carried the conversation pretty well that we lost track of time.
If anything she told me she likes that I take her places and tells me how the other guys she hangs out with just want to maybe go around the corner to eat then go back to her place and (apparently with high degrees of success) seduce her clothes off.
I think her hesitation comes from the fact that you are not threatened by other men, which means you are not needy, but that at the same time you want to be with her (doesn't matter under which label) and you want sex, which she feels is needy. So next time she tries to guilt-trip you for showing physical affection, use this line: "you want me to feel bad...because I like you?!
"
Deliver this with a genuine laugh at her expense and I guarantee you not even the girl with the lowest self-esteem will be able to keep fighting you off like that ;D Get her on your lap and keep tickling her, put your head to rest on her chest, pinch her out of the blue, then if she stars complaining again you tell her "hey! no sex, I promised" and you start undressing her and you go for it.
Well the last time we hung out was two Sundays ago. We're going to a meetup this Saturday so that'll be the next time I see her, which makes it a bit of a down time of about two weeks. We only really spoke the one time the other day though, she was on some guy's phone while he was asleep beside her (dunno if that was supposed to get me incensed or anything, I just thought it was a weird detail since she didn't get into it nor did I care).
I dunno, at that I might give a wider berth, the previous one I was kinda following her around (after she told me to 'keep an open mind' and had her eye one someone). Again: I don't know if it's because you pointed it out but I get the feeling she is testing me or trying to read me even though she says she doesn't like people who play mindgames.
I don't know if you want to parse this, but I had a situation come up while hanging out in her room: she said her back had a knot and she probably needed a massage. I stupidly offered way too quickly and she gave me the response, 'well that's not something friends normally do', but she let me do it anyway. I'd like to think I tried to make a move there, have one of my hands cross her chest or reach down her waist, but then afterwards she told me it wasn't going to go anywhere (she even told me to be rough with the massage, c'mon - I even made the innuendo about how rough she liked it). That and she said she had friends who gave her back rubs in public without, 'getting frisky' for the lack of a better term, which probably should've set off BS meters in my head but didn't at the time.
But I can see where your advice might work if it was just the two of us alone, I'll try to keep that in mind, hopefully that'll work out better that time.
Any tips because she kinda lives in a small place with roommates, or should I not really bother unless we get back to her place at a late hour?
One last thing: as someone who's been around japanese, vietnamese and chinese guys living abroad (I'm in Italy), I would advise you to keep in mind that westerners don't understand strength in character in the same way that Asians do. It may be one of the reasons why she can't figure you out.
Well she happens to be Asian too but we're both kinda whitewashed through and through.
