Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.

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Van Owen said:
So, I suspect my sister may have schizophrenia. She recently lost her job and moved back in with my parents. The main symptom is extreme paranoia that a guy she dated is not stalking her and getting others (co-workers, family members, etc.) to do things to her that are "experiments" so see how she reacts. For example, she said a bunch of co-workers all wore red one day and then all went to the bathroom at the same time to see how she would react. She texted me the other day to "quit talking to him" when I've never even met the guy. She also journals everything she perceives as things he is doing to stalk her, and has been reading books about personality disorders obsessively and diagnosing her ex, my mother, etc. as narcissistic personalities and that they are the cause of why she is going through a hard time.

The problem is whenever I question what she says she freaks out that she's not crazy and that we all just hate her and don't support her like a family should. My dad was ready to get her locked up the other night after she broke a few things during an argument since he thinks she might start getting violent, but I'd like to avoid doing something against her will even if it's only for 24hrs or whatever.

Called a psychiatrist today to see if I could make an appointment and go in with her, but I guess she's the only one that can make an appointment since I'm not a legal guardian. Not really sure how to proceed since I'm not sure I can convince her to make an appointment on her own. Only thing I can think of is have my parents give her an ultimatum that they'll kick her out or do some mandatory lock up thing next time she freaks out...
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Without getting into anything more complicated, you seem to have a very clear view of the situation. It's unfortunate that's she's so far gone at the moment or having a particularly bad episode that literally anything you say or do will be warped by her paranoia and psychosis. She sounds like she needs to be on an atypical anti-psychotic sooner than later to ger her thinking/mind to a safer level. Good luck with that- I grew up with a parent that was severely schizophrenic, combined with a few other things and it can be hard for someone in that situation (particular in the bad throws of it) to see reason (they' can't) and trust medical advice and professionals. Try not to let it effect your life too much. It's hard but try to separate yourself from it and don't get dragged in trying to reason with what she has is doing to her brain, actions, thinking, etc. Good luck.
 
Colin. said:
For a start, ignore what these people say. Depression isn't something you just "choose" to have, doesn't work that way. It is common ignorance for those that haven't had anything more than a "down day" to associate it with. You aren't alone with those issues, I too have had a tough time of that. I've never had a particular skill or passion were its been a case of "I'm really good at this, and I like what I'm doing" So I've been pretty confused as to what to do with myself. I hope to get to a point were I'm at least okay mental health wise, and can actively try different things, already have some things in mind now.

For me, my way out was sticking with a college course I had no passion for, and not much interest. I should of left earlier, but didn't want to be doing nothing and feel like I had been a failure. And during that time, were I struggled greatly was when I realized my issues were very much valid, and badly needed support. I've took the steps I've had to, now it's just a waiting game for when I get my therapy appointment. I recommend you do the same, to look into what therapy options are available to you. Not sure where you're from, so can't suggest anything exact.

But remember that the problems you have are very much valid, as valid as any other illness. Just because it isn't physical, it doesn't make it any less important. I really do hope you look into your options, it doesn't always have to be like this.
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Thanks for this reply friend.

I moved my appointment with my psych up to Thursday, and I'm looking for a therapist that my insurance covers. I don't want to feel this way anymore.
 
Hope quickly turns into ash...Then ash turns into hope...Then to ash again...
FFS, stay ash if you're just going to do this to me.
Fucking brain. I just wanted to be normal without pain to have a normal life.
I'm tired again...
 
I told my mom that I've been feeling bad lately and that I've had suicidal thoughts. She said she didn't know what to say and thought I may need to see a doctor because I'm depressed. I'm scared to death of having to go tell someone my feelings :(
 
silkysmooth said:
I told my mom that I've been feeling bad lately and that I've had suicidal thoughts. She said she didn't know what to say and thought I may need to see a doctor because I'm depressed. I'm scared to death of having to go tell someone my feelings :(
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What about it particularly is scary? Do you feel they'll judge you for it?

Going to a psychologist the first time can be pretty intimidating and awkward, but a lot of us have experience going, so if you have any questions or reservations about it, just ask. :)

Femmeworth said:
I'm transferring some of my energy over to you. :D

My date is set for Wednesday, nothing fancy just going to meet at a coffee shop.
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Oh, good luck! :D
 
To my dad I'm just a guy who sleeps in all day... Which I am, no doubts there, but he uses this to make sure I feel shitty at all times.

Like this guy, not going into the story, basically told me he was doing me a favor by hiring me for some IT jobs... Like he didn't need me even though his other guys were charging triple what I charge.

I tell my dad this and he says something along the lines of, "I see a guy who sleeps in all day and doesn't do anything and another guy doing you a favor."

And it's just... man I don't want to let this guy fucking say shit like that and then have me come in with my head down like a fucking wuss, and I want my dad to see for once that I'm not always in the wrong just because I'm a god damn loser.

I really wish I just went through with the suicide earlier this year. I just don't want to deal with anything anymore, even though it sounds so minor.
 
Femmeworth said:
I'm transferring some of my energy over to you. :D

My date is set for Wednesday, nothing fancy just going to meet at a coffee shop.
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No pressure, Femmeworth, but if things go your way, you may appreciate this special preview of my new album "Bagels Sings Sweet Songs to Make Sweet, Sweet Love To."

My singing has already met with rave reviews on our voicechat server. You'd be surprised to learn that I have no formal training!
 
I got back my exam back on Humanities, and wasn't surprised that I failed it. > :(

I wasn't confident in my answers to begin with and I didn't format correctly. I dislike myself so much that I don't know where to begin. I'm not doing so well in college. I don't want to find jobs because of my past experience at Macy's. I never want to work there again! EVER!

Even though, one of these days, I might have to work again there because of holidays where they need more people to work there. I don't have the ability to think, to socialize, to memorize, to grasp, and to connect with customers at work. Same goes for college. My little brother beat me in arm wrestling, this goes to show how weak I am and I lost my dignity. Well...I've been losing my dignity for all those years when I watched lesbian porn. No one should be me. I'm stupid, weak, pathetic, and a coward. Most of my time, I always think about my hatred towards myself, towards some people, towards my dad, towards my life, and towards the world. I don't know what to do about it.
 
If it weren't for the grief and hassle it would cause my immediate family, I think I'd just put an end to things here now. Feel like it's the only thing keeping me from doing it, and to keep going through the motions for well, nothing really. Cut the family out and I don't see any benefit of maintaining this charade. For all the time I've had, any change/progress I've made has been so minimal, I expected better of myself. Dreaming of going on to do better and great things as a kid, but even now I'm not so different to what I was then. I will always be that scared little boy, frightened of everyone and everything, with the presence of a stuttering mouse. I'm tired of struggling with everything that I do.
 
Colin. said:
If it weren't for the grief and hassle it would cause my immediate family, I think I'd just put an end to things here now. Feel like it's the only thing keeping me from doing it, and to keep going through the motions for well, nothing really. Cut the family out and I don't see any benefit of maintaining this charade. For all the time I've had, any change/progress I've made has been so minimal, I expected better of myself. Dreaming of going on to do better and great things as a kid, but even now I'm not so different to what I was then. I will always be that scared little boy, frightened of everyone and everything, with the presence of a stuttering mouse. I'm tired of struggling with everything that I do.
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You've grown and changed just in the time I've known you. You've helped me and a lot of other people. None of us see a scared little boy. We see a man with wisdom, compassion, and good humor beyond his years.

It is a struggle; it's not easy, but the world is a much better place with you in it.
 
Hey, Snow White


Hey, Snow White
It's going to be all right, it's going to be all right
Hey, Snow White
It's going to be all right, it's going to be all right
Hey, Snow White
It's going to be all right, it's going to be all right
Hey, Snow White
It's going to be all right, it's going to be all right

How can you win some?
How can you win some?
How can you win some?
How can you win some?

When the company goes public
You've got to learn to love what you are
When the company goes public
You've got to learn to love what you are

Hey, Snow White
It's going to be all right, it's going to be all right
Hey, Snow White
It's going to be all right, it's going to be all right
Hey, Snow White
It's going to be all right, it's going to be all right
Hey, Snow White
It's going to be all right, it's going to be all right

How can you win some?
How can you win some?
How can you win some?
How can you win some?
How can you win some?
How can you win some?
How can you win some?
How can you win some?

When the company goes public
You've got to learn to love what you are
When the company goes public
You've got to learn to love what you are
You've got to learn to love what you are
You've got to learn to love what you are

Hey, Snow White
It's going to be all right, it's going to be all right
Hey, Snow White
It's going to be all right, it's going to be all right
Hey, Snow White
It's going to be all right, it's going to be all right
Hey, Snow White
It's going to be all right, it's going to be all right

Original version by Destroyer.
 
sunset2test.jpg
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Searching for the Brave New World
Not my best by a long shot. Kind of a doodle?
 
Collete said:
Searching for the Brave New World
Not my best by a long shot. Kind of a doodle?
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I was going to say as nice as the colors are I'd love to see a black & white version.


My cat is not doing well, not sure how long he has been acting like this since I was away for 3 weeks, came back and he's not himself, taking him to the vet. Not expecting anything good since he's 15 now, but he was still energetic, now he's not eating much at all.

fuck
 
AcridMeat said:
I was going to say as nice as the colors are I'd love to see a black & white version.


My cat is not doing well, not sure how long he has been acting like this since I was away for 3 weeks, came back and he's not himself, taking him to the vet. Not expecting anything good since he's 15 now, but he was still energetic, now he's not eating much at all.

fuck
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Ask and ye shall receive:

acrid.jpg
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acrid1.jpg
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But now i feel i did a shit job haha

I hope your cat gets well though after taking it to the vet though
 
Collete said:
Ask and ye shall receive:

But now i feel i did a shit job haha

I hope your cat gets well though after taking it to the vet though
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I like it D:
now try a darker version of the same concept. Like midnight lighting with a moon

Went much better than expected. They discovered a heart murmur so he needs some aspirin every 3 days, but more importantly, he ate the baby food the vet offered right away, and ate more when we got home. That was my biggest fear, so now he seems happier after getting some fluid and food.

That vet was awesome. Horrible teeth, old haggard ponytail, tattoos, and also Hungarian. Straight to the point and no bullshit. Awesome dude.
 
I went to a mental health program for a year in Vermont.
When I got out of the program, I thought I would be able to find a job in the Portland area. But I've been back 5 months and no luck so far.
Do any of you understand or have any advice?

And I won some money at a soccer game raffle, but most of it went to gas money, PAX, games and rent. I had an opportunity to buy a 3DS on sale for $150, but I can't believe I didn't take it at the discount. :(
Mom just wants me to work for it. I guess I don't deserve it if I don't work for it. But what am I going to do? I like computers, obviously, but don't really have the skills for a job.

 I am really upset all of a sudden, I don't know if anybody feels the same way I do. The main thing I want to know is if I'm crazy for wanting both models of 3DS. I feel bad for asking my mom if I can have money.
I can't even imagine making as much money as she spent for a year in the mental illness program
 My dad always said, "you're not interested in cars, you were never interested in the same things I was." well I think he was saying this since before I was old enough to drive. Now I've only driven the one car my mom gave me, but if I was well off, I would probably by an rv or something so I could travel. If I were really well off I could buy a nice car and stay at hotels when I travel.
So yeah, she actually put some money in my account so I could go buy a 3DS- but the other thing is, I still won't be able to afford many games for it. I know the 2DS is coming out soon and it would be cool to have one too, but I think the original has the best image quality. After going to a retro expo, it's obvious there are people out there who collect games and consoles. At this rate I'm never going to be able to afford a next gen console or a gaming PC. The last MMO I played was Warhammer online almost 5 years ago, and it was my favorite genre. Anyway I'm not that competetive though, so maybe that's why I like handhelds.
 I know there must be a reason I can't seem to get a job. I wish I had some sort of special skill that would make me marketable, but I'm not that good with people or doing physical things either. I applied to a few publishing houses in NYC, which I thought would be fun, but maybe I'm not cut out for any job. I'm really not sure yet.
 
I won my high school's grade 12 English award. Pretty sure I'm supposed to feel proud or accomplished or something, but I don't really feel anything. I've been numb the past little while. Sometimes I feel borderline psychotic. :/

I need GAF to feel proud of me for me since I've apparently forgotten what pride feels like. :(
 
Windam said:
I won my high school's grade 12 English award. Pretty sure I'm supposed to feel proud or accomplished or something, but I don't really feel anything. I've been numb the past little while. Sometimes I feel borderline psychotic. :/

I need GAF to feel proud of me for me since I've apparently forgotten what pride feels like. :(
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Wooooooo! Go, Windam!
 
Windam said:
I won my high school's grade 12 English award. Pretty sure I'm supposed to feel proud or accomplished or something, but I don't really feel anything. I've been numb the past little while. Sometimes I feel borderline psychotic. :/

I need GAF to feel proud of me for me since I've apparently forgotten what pride feels like. :(
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congrats, dude.
What was the piece about?
 
Graffgor said:
To my dad I'm just a guy who sleeps in all day... Which I am, no doubts there, but he uses this to make sure I feel shitty at all times.

Like this guy, not going into the story, basically told me he was doing me a favor by hiring me for some IT jobs... Like he didn't need me even though his other guys were charging triple what I charge.

I tell my dad this and he says something along the lines of, "I see a guy who sleeps in all day and doesn't do anything and another guy doing you a favor."

And it's just... man I don't want to let this guy fucking say shit like that and then have me come in with my head down like a fucking wuss, and I want my dad to see for once that I'm not always in the wrong just because I'm a god damn loser.

I really wish I just went through with the suicide earlier this year. I just don't want to deal with anything anymore, even though it sounds so minor.
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Not alone there pal. My dad "criticizes" me everyday too. Usually it's all the "I don't understand what's going in your head." and "You wouldn't survive a day outside my house.". And blaming everything that is wrong in the house on me (Bicycle keys are lost "I bet you were the last one to use them." My dad,me and my little brother uses that bike, and I hadn't used it for 4 months). Here are the most memorable quotes:

- Fuck, you're so fucking stupid.
- You're a complete zero, you won't achieve anything in your life. Ever.
- I fucking hate you! (Now that I think of it, this one is getting thrown around pretty commonly)

And of course, the best one was when I tried to tell him that I haven't been able to concentrate on school cause of my depression. I had missed, like, 3 or 4 courses. I told this straight to his face. After I told this, his face went full neutral. Not a muscle moved on his body. He turned around in his chair, and stared out of the window, not saying a word. For 25 seconds he didn't say move at all, barely breathed. It looked like a ticking time bomb, ready to burst and destroy everything in that room. It felt like 15 minutes to me. And all the time my brain was telling me "Run. Fucking run now while you still can. Run to the woods and hide." But I couldn't. After 25 seconds, he said, in a silent tone, which I could barely hear:
" I can't believe how fucking stupid you can be..."
After this, he rose up, walked to his room, walked back, and said to me in a silent tone "Get out.". I tried to say something, but as I opened my mouth he yelled as hard as he could "GET OUT!". This was 10 pm, I stepped out of the house, walked around the town for couple hours, came back, sneaked to my bed and fell asleep.

Of course these insults are hard to be described in English, cause Finnish is such an beautiful language on what comes to swearing and insulting.
 
Windam said:
I won my high school's grade 12 English award. Pretty sure I'm supposed to feel proud or accomplished or something, but I don't really feel anything. I've been numb the past little while. Sometimes I feel borderline psychotic. :/

I need GAF to feel proud of me for me since I've apparently forgotten what pride feels like. :(
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You are awesome. Go feel good about yourself.
 
Nvm.

Bagels said:
Absolutely. People bring this stuff up all the time in here. Comparing yourself to others is always going to be a ridiculous exercise. You have to remember that, especially on social media, people tend to carefully curate every comment and picture to present an idealized view of themselves. When we compare ourselves to others, we tend to compare their best characteristics to our worst.

MH-GAF/depGAF is unique in that we don't expect to see the best sides of each other. Quite the opposite - our first exposure to someone new tends to be a detailed account of how shit their life seems. That shared experience of suffering tends to make us all unusually close. It's amazing, because I do not feel pressure to be the best version of myself. Dear friends like FillerB not only put up with my less-than-best sides, they make me feel like hey actually like me more for being a complete person with highs and lows. Take strength from that.

I was just telling people yesterday how I was enjoying getting to know you better on twitter and in PMs. I don't actually have a lot of patience for just anyone. I try to be honest with you guys, so if I'm talking to you, it's not just me being nice; I actually do like you.
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Thanks. I always like reading what you have to say and talking to you. (thanks for the other replies too I read them)
 
silkysmooth said:
I told my mom that I've been feeling bad lately and that I've had suicidal thoughts. She said she didn't know what to say and thought I may need to see a doctor because I'm depressed. I'm scared to death of having to go tell someone my feelings :(
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If you have suicidal thoughts then going to a doctor is a perfect course of action. They are paid to help you. You could try ringing a suicide hotline first and anonymously discuss you issues first. You could also post here. In fact you don't even need to tell your doctor verbally. You could just write it all down and give it to your doctor at your appointment if that's easier.

whiterabbit said:
My mom spent $80,000+ on a 15-month mental health program for me...but wouldn't even let me keep both models of 3DS. :(

 I am really upset all of a sudden, I don't know if anybody feels the same way I do. The main thing I want to know is if I'm crazy for wanting both models of 3DS, and if I'm just a fucking idiot or if my family are a bunch of assholes.

 It also bugs me that my parents are listed on my bank account. I wish I had my own bank account my parents didn't watch over like hawks. It's pretty shitty. I didnt even choose my apartment, they picked it out for me, and still complain about rent. I get social security to pay for it. I got approved while I was in the program. It pisses me of that I am listed as having psychizophrenia on my doctor's diagnosis, when I'm pretty sure I don't have it.
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Eighty Thousand Dollar 15 month program and you're stressing about a 3DS? Did the program help you much? Sounds like your parents got ripped off? It's natural to want things but not having a second 3DS isn't something that should affect your happiness. You should mostly be happy that you have your first 3DS.

Your family are trying to be helpful, but they are misguided in some ways. Certainly they seem to be overbearing and controlling. Expecting you to be independent but then watching you like a hawk is a contradiction. But you're diagnosed with a mental illness. Do you want to elaborate on the issues you have. Also why do you disagree with your doctor? What do you think you have? With more detail maybe someone here can give you better advice.
 
Guys

Just wanna thank the people I've interacted with on the dGAF chat a couple weeks ago. I have been struggling with finishing my PhD for the past two years, with some very low lows (stories of alcohol and benzos and money and blablabla).

Never posted here, I had tried to post in the previous thread but I think I had not been seen. So I kept to myself until I broke down towards the end of my journey a few weeks ago. And again, I wanted to thank all the cool guys (and the girl I think) who lent me their ear for me to release the pressure.

Now I think I'm done with the issues. I hope they won't happen again but heh, you never know. I'll keep an eye here in case I can be of some help, as others have been for me.

Cheers
Lordji
 
LorDjidane said:
Now I think I'm done with the issues. I hope they won't happen again but heh, you never know. I'll keep an eye here in case I can be of some help, as others have been for me.
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<3 Good luck in your future endeavors.


Music recommendation time courtesy from Stat in the IRC-channel

Barenaked Ladies - "Odds Are"
Struck by lightning, sounds pretty frightening
But you know the chances are so small
Stuck by a bee sting, nothing but a B-thing
Better chance you’re gonna bite it at the mall
But it’s a twenty-three four-to-one
That you can fall in love by the end of this song
So get up, get up
Tell the bookie put a bet on “not a damn thing will go wrong”
 
All packed for my solo trip to Berlin (although I'm meeting a couple of people out there).

First time flying by myself, so I'm actually quite nervous. Should hopefully instil some independence and confidence into me though! I just hope I don't get lost...
 
Man I'm so damn worried that my mortgage isn't going to go through. I have a lot of shit riding on this and if I'm denied I'm gonna be so upset. I am so close to finishing this whole process and its very stressful. A lot of "hurry up and wait" kinda shit.

Need some Depgaf good vibes(tm)!

LorDjidane said:
Guys

Just wanna thank the people I've interacted with on the dGAF chat a couple weeks ago. I have been struggling with finishing my PhD for the past two years, with some very low lows (stories of alcohol and benzos and money and blablabla).

Never posted here, I had tried to post in the previous thread but I think I had not been seen. So I kept to myself until I broke down towards the end of my journey a few weeks ago. And again, I wanted to thank all the cool guys (and the girl I think) who lent me their ear for me to release the pressure.

Now I think I'm done with the issues. I hope they won't happen again but heh, you never know. I'll keep an eye here in case I can be of some help, as others have been for me.

Cheers
Lordji
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Good to hear you're okay. PHD thing go well?
 
Xun said:
All packed for my solo trip to Berlin (although I'm meeting a couple of people out there).

First time flying by myself, so I'm actually quite nervous. Should hopefully instil some independence and confidence into me though! I just hope I don't get lost...
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You're gonna be fine. :) Have a safe flight!

Lionheart1827 said:
Man I'm so damn worried that my mortgage isn't going to go through. I have a lot of shit riding on this and if I'm denied I'm gonna be so upset. I am so close to finishing this whole process and its very stressful. A lot of "hurry up and wait" kinda shit.

Need some Depgaf good vibes(tm)!
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Have some Pau vibes! :D And if you wanna grab some lunch in the waiting process, I'm down. :)
 
I have little to no patience lately. I'm so rude and irritable, and I'm taking it out on people I really love and care about a lot like my family and girlfriend. This is a side of me I hate and the fact that I can't fucking control it makes it worse. I'm a pathetic family member and boyfriend.
 
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