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[Kopite]

We're part of a group of friends who often go to lunch together so that's what I mean when when I say we've 'never' hung out together. We usually sit next to each other in class and walk places together(without the other friends). We both don't live on campus so we don't see each other much at night or during the weekends.

geez so you hung out all day, brought up the topic more than once, then went home and chatted on facebook about it???

Bro, you're being way too needy already. Create some distance. Coming off as desperate or obsessed is never good.

Hanging out all day is what we tend to do, I brought it up when I started to see how it was going and she chatted to me and wanted to 'explain'.

 

[ComputerMKII]

Because a date has an expectation of getting to know someone romantically.

As opposed to ''hanging out'' which only has the expectation of friendship.

Thanks. I think I've dated a few times but the girls never even thought of getting to know me romantically. They were just 'hanging out' with me. I guess it's a half-date?

 

[entremet]

Pretty sure that's the implication of the "friendzone".

And there is no other choice but to move on.

Yep, not interested romantically, but enjoys you as a friend. Whether you can ''escape'' the friendzone is another discussion.

I don't see why the term is controversial term. It's pretty apt!

 

[E92 M3]

Lots of cynicism and social commentary about the state of male-female relationships in this thread, but I wish you the best OP. Also, make sure to update us Monday night.

 

[Dali]

We're part of a group of friends who often go to lunch together so that's what I mean when when I say we've 'never' hung out together. We usually sit next to each other in class and walk places together(without the other friends). We both don't live on campus so we don't see each other much at night or during the weekends.


Hanging out all day is what we tend to do, I brought it up when I started to see how it was going and she chatted to me and wanted to 'explain'.

Sounds like you guys are best bros. She probably doesn't want to ruin that. She really values your friendship.


You can just quote this post Monday btw in case you don't feel like typing what she said yourself.

 

[Salvor.Hardin]

I don't know OP. I think you might still have a chance (from what little you've told us). It seems to be one of those situations where you just have to give it a bit more time.

Anyway, let's see what she wants to tell you on Monday. Looking forward to the update.

 

[Plywood]

the touch barrier

 

[acrid]

Why didn't you ask her out on a date in the first place?

You guys and your vague hanging out shit. That's why you get friendzoned.

If you get turned down, then it's less weird, and if you want to be friends, you can without any hidden motives or hopes.

Yeah, not really sure what it is with the younger folk nowadays. Back in my dating days (late 80's to mid 90's) you didn't "hang out" with a girl you were interested in. You met her by means of a class/friends/chance, talked a bit, then asked her out on a DATE. Just you and her, no other friends or acquaintances. If she said "yes", you go from there. If it goes good and you have a few more successful dates, THEN do the "hang out" thing. If it doesn't go well, or she says "no", then you know where you stand.

I guess I just don't understand the younger generations. Now get the hell off my lawn!

 

[ComputerMKII]

Yeah, not really sure what it is with the younger folk nowadays. Back in my dating days (late 80's to mid 90's) you didn't "hang out" with a girl you were interested in. You met her by means of a class/friends/chance, talked a bit, then asked her out on a DATE. Just you and her, no other friends or acquaintances. If she said "yes", you go from there. If it goes good and you have a few more successful dates, THEN do the "hang out" thing. If it doesn't go well, or she says "no", then you know where you stand.

I guess I just don't understand the younger generations. Now get the hell off my lawn!

But how can you ask a girl on a date if you barely even know her?

 

[SHIT]

but there's this "OTHER GUY" in our course who she's also friends with and he's CLOSER to her than me and has BROKEN

the TOUCH BARRIER

far more often

I couldn't wait anymore and told her how I felt about her. We talked and laughed and I was pleased she seemed really positive about it all and I told her to think about it before we were INTERRUPTED by that "OTHER GUY"

It's quite simple OP,

WE KILL THE OTHER GUY. and get you over the TOUCH BARRIER

 

[Air Zombie Meat]

Threads like this always go down so well on gaf.

the touch barrier

Yeah :/

 

[SapientWolf]

I actually think you might have left the friendzone. Here's a friendly diagram:

 

[Plywood]

Best of luck in your future endeavours OP.

 

[entremet]

But how can you ask a girl on a date if you don't even know her?

It's called flirting.

Or try online dating if the bar and club scene ain't your thing.

 

[No Love]

The other dude already gave her birthday sex. Sorry OP.

 

[pigeon]

I'm not even sure what I'm asking or why I'm posting this, a part me(hell probably all of me) still sees a tiny chance to make this work.

Make what work? You're attracted to her, she's not attracted to you. That's all there is to make work. Traditionally the way you make this work is that you guys never talk about it and you masturbate a lot. Unfortunately at least one of these steps has been screwed up, but it's not too late. Just step up the lying a whole bunch and keep a roll of toilet paper near your computer.

She was the first girl I've ever fell for

I don't think I'll stop loving her if we continue hanging out, I just keep being reminded of why I love her every time we're together.

Don't take this the wrong way, but have you considered the possibility that you've confused intense hormonal surges for love and/or are more in love with a fantasy of the girl you would like to be with than the girl you are actually talking to?

It's cool, it happens to a lot of people.

 

[Jackben]

"GAF I've know this person for thirty days yet state that I have "fallen in love with her", complete with perceived rival insecurity and embarking on serious conversations via Facebook chat. I also refer to our interactions using terms like 'breaking the touch barrier'.

I think I'm getting friendzoned! How in the world did this happen???"

 

[Darksol]

This isn't going to end well for you if you keep doing everything you've described thus far. Back off, take it easy, when she lets you down don't press her for reasons or indepth explanations.

If you're lucky you'll maintain friendship, and if she dates a douchebag who treats her badly then you may wind end having drunken awkward rebound sex with her.That's probably your best possible outcome at this point :/

Keep your head up--There are a lot of wonderful people out there.

 

[Plywood]

Yeah :/

It's a funny line, I'm not good with women either, but I'm rooting for OP though this one isn't happening.

 

[ComputerMKII]

It's called flirting.

Or try online dating if the bar and club scene ain't your thing.

I've tried and it didn't work.

 

[royalan]

But how can you ask a girl on a date if you barely even know her?

THAT'S THE POINT OF A DATE.

Like...

 

[Talon]

But how can you ask a girl on a date if you barely even know her?

You've just defined "date."

Edit: damn it, beaten.

 

[Kareha]

Wtf is a touch barrier?

 

[Transhuman]

If she wants to talk to you in person, she obviously cares enough about the friendship to go through something incredibly awkward to make you feel less miserable. I wouldn't throw that away on some petty "what ifs".

Oh, and bring a tape recorder on Monday.

 

[entremet]

I've tried and it didn't work.

Keep trying!

Do you have friends to give you feedback? There may be parts of your game that you need to tighten up.

 

[Dali]

But how can you ask a girl on a date if you don't even know her?

It's tough as an adult but in school? Omg so easy. The whole stranger danger thing doesn't apply as you're all young people attending a university so you're automatically vetted in their minds on some level. At least that's how I feel about it in hindsight. You see a girl on campus or at a party then why not approach and proceed to do your best to convince her into phone number which later is followed by a date.

 

[jordisok]

I wonder if she actually does like the other guy.

 

[Derwind]

I really love this girl......

YOU'VE KNOWN HER FOR A FRIGGIN MONTH...

Take it easy, we were all young once...

Wait, Uni?

Well I'm stumped....

 

[clearacell]

Give up, move along, you can't force a feeling upon her. She doesn't feel he way you feel and there's nothing wrong with that, but you would just be killing yourself if you hang around her and see her with other guys (or even just talking about them). If you want a relationship, look elsewhere.

 

[Kopite]

Two things:

1) I genuinely thought the touch barrier was a term that's normally used. I'm from a slightly conservative country so you're usually not as comfortable here. In fact this is the only the girl in my course with whom I've 'broken the touch barrier' ie. patting her on the back,holding her hand, =hugging and patting her on the back.

2) We really are good friends especially because of TLOU and other games and hobbies that we share.I have not conned myself or am only seeing what I want to see.We're frequently alone in the library for hours just watching Lets Play vids and other stuff. Shit we have been hanging out alone, just never gone for lunch/dinner alone.

 

[ComputerMKII]

THAT'S THE POINT OF A DATE.

Like...

If I had asked those girls"Hey, let's see each other so I can decide if you're a good potential girlfriend when we just met, they'd have found it creepy and called their lawyer...

It's tough as an adult but in school? Omg so easy. The whole stranger danger thing doesn't apply as you're all young people attending a university so you're automatically vetted in their minds on some level. At least that's how I feel about it in hindsight. You see a girl on campus or at a party then why not approach and proceed to do your best to convince her into phone number which later is followed by a date.

Well, I'm no longer at the university

 

[Air Zombie Meat]

It's a funny line, I'm not good with women either, but I'm rooting for OP though this one isn't happening.

Yeah I know. Just knew what the op was setting himself up for when I saw that line. Just sounds like the guy is young\inexperienced to be fair. Everyones got to start somewhere.

 

[pigeon]

If I had asked those girls"Hey, let's see each other so I can decide if you're a good potential girlfriend when we just met, they'd have found it creepy and called their lawyer...

I don't really buy dates either, but, like, you're going to have to have this interaction EVENTUALLY.

Two routes:

a) Ask them if they want to hang out and do some activity (but explicitly not an activity that works with multiple people). This is code for date, but you don't have to watch a movie.
b) Casual sex first, then if they text you the next day, you can call them. This is the best method but it takes some practice.

 

[-Pyromaniac-]

the touch barrier

lol I genuinely love that. Now I'll start noticing it when I see people flirting.

Anyway OP, there's still a chance until she says no! Though she is probably prepping some I just got out of a relationship excuse for you. And if that's the case then just move on and try again later or with someone else or anything really.

 

[Jackben]

Has it just been completely awful to have had to slave through being friends with this person thus far? What a terrible fate to have a friend that shares similar interests and you enjoy being around.

Maybe she just wants to be friends with you and doesn't share your misplaced romantic feelings?

But nah, can't be that simple.

Everyone knows girls are robots, if you put in the right code they automatically fall in love with you. It can't be me, it has to be that another guy stole her away or I didn't break the touch barrier or implement enough PUA techniques or something.

 

[entremet]

If I had asked those girls"Hey, let's see each other so I can decide if you're a good potential girlfriend when we just met, they'd have found it creepy and called their lawyer...



Well, I'm no longer at the university

We gotta work on your game, bro.

Where are you meeting women?

 

[ZaCH3000]

Two things:

1) I genuinely thought the touch barrier was a term that's normally used. I'm from a slightly conservative country so you're usually not as comfortable here. In fact this is the only the girl in my course with whom I've 'broken the touch barrier' ie. patting her on the back,holding her hand, =hugging and patting her on the back.

2) We really are good friends especially because of TLOU and other games and hobbies that we share.I have not conned myself or am only seeing what I want to see.We're frequently alone in the library for hours just watching Lets Play vids and other stuff. Shit we have been hanging out alone, just never gone for lunch/dinner alone.

Holding hands... Ohhh boy. You weren't upfront enough. Learn from those words.

 

[B For Bendetta]

I hope that you didn't tell a girl you have known a month and have no romantic involvement with that you love her. If so, you're not getting friendzoned. You're getting psychozoned

 

[ComputerMKII]

I don't really buy dates either, but, like, you're going to have to have this interaction EVENTUALLY.

Two routes:

a) Ask them if they want to hang out and do some activity (but explicitly not an activity that works with multiple people). This is code for date, but you don't have to watch a movie.
b) Casual sex first, then if they text you the next day, you can call them. This is the best method but it takes some practice.

How do I get to have casual sex with a girl without ending up in prison?? How do you even have sex with a girl before dating her?

 

[Half and half]

Chin up, chest out.

There's a million more just like her.

 

[FullMetaltech]

I think she has a thing for the other guy. If she had been even remotely interested in you she would of said ok from the start. You guys would of been planning and setting up to meet up again. But that "Ill Explain means shes gonna let you down easily and try to keep the friendship as is. So your in the friendzone already but just havent landed on it t yet.or maybe she likes girls.... you never know.

 

[Tertullian]

You people are being ridiculously harsh. It's easy to become romantically interested in someone on the first day you meet them, and you're saying a month is unreasonably short? And do you seriously think it's impossible to get to know someone reasonably well in a month of having lots of contact and conversations, well enough to know that you'd like to give a date a shot? Come on now.

The OP met a sweet girl, started to like her, hung out with her in a friendly setting for a few weeks to get to know her better, then had the balls to ask her out on a date to see if she was interested in the same thing. At what point did he not do exactly what he was supposed to do? And the internet gods of wisdom crucify him for it. Hell, one post tells him he's being needy and creepy by asking her out so soon, while the very next one asks him why he didn't just ask her out "in the first place." WTF do you want from him!?

Admittedly, he could make this creepy and awkward if he doesn't shake it off and try to get over it when she tells him no. But he's done fine this far.

 

[pigeon]

How do I get to have casual sex with a girl without ending up in prison???

Have you tried complimenting them and asking about their jobs or majors and then asking a question that demonstrates your active listening?

edit:

How do you even have sex with a girl before dating her?

Jesus Christ, it's not that hard. Go to places where people go to demonstrate their interest in casual sex. Bars, house parties, wedding receptions for mutual friends. Then talk to girls and watch their faces to gauge their reaction to you.

 

[Jackben]

How do I get to have casual sex with a girl without ending up in prison??

Hahahahaha

NeoGAF bachelor in a nutshell.

 

[royalan]

If I had asked those girls"Hey, let's see each other so I can decide if you're a good potential girlfriend when we just met, they'd have found it creepy and called their lawyer...

Well if you say it like that of course she's calling the cops.

But there's nothing wrong with meeting a girl, having a conversation, and asking to exchange digits and possibly going on a date. In fact, it's that confidence that's a turn on for most people, not just girls.

What the OP, and lots of boys with low self-esteem, attempt to do is try to get into "relationships" without doing the actual work. You follow the chick around, hang out all the time, and create emotional investment while pretending that friendship is all you care about when really you're wanting more. It's attempting to get the emotional high of a relationship without putting yourself in the vulnerable position of actually asking someone out...which of course ends with your heart getting dashed to pieces when you eventually get friendzoned.

 

[Kopite]

Don't take this the wrong way, but have you considered the possibility that you've confused intense hormonal surges for love and/or are more in love with a fantasy of the girl you would like to be with than the girl you are actually talking to?

It's cool, it happens to a lot of people.

Yes I have. It's not escaped me that this may just be infatuation especially since it's only been a month. I'm still kinda hurt when I see her with this other guy though, and I even the old "Jerk off, then decide" hasn't made me change her mind.

Oh, and bring a tape recorder on Monday.

You know I just might do that. At least the reactions on here would be worth it.

 

[GorillaJu]

Why do people think it's a good idea to confess feelings? You're betting on the chance that she feels the same. Instead of gambling, just ask her out sometime and go in for a kiss when you say goodbye. If you're rejected, then you have your answer.

I really can't think of too many cases where a guy and girl each like the other and one confesses their love and then they're together and happy. There's always some imbalance, but you're never giving yourself a chance to make up for the imbalance if all you do is out a question on the table and allow her to simply walk away.

I remember a date where I was 100% certain this girl would have said "no" if I gave her the opportunity because I suspected she had a boyfriend, but I didn't ever ask, I just went in with a goodbye kiss that turned into a goodbye make-out that turned into a goodbye bone and then a teary goodbye of her on the phone to her fiancé (oops on that part).

 

[otapnam]

Well if you say it like that of course she's calling the cops.

But there's nothing wrong with meeting a girl, having a conversation, and asking to exchange digits and possibly going on a date. In fact, it's that confidence that's a turn on for most people, not just girls.

What the OP, and lots of boys with low self-esteem, attempt to do is try to get into "relationships" without doing the actual work. You follow the chick around, hang out all the time, and create emotional investment while pretending that friendship is all you care about when really you're wanting more. It's attempting to get the emotional high of a relationship without putting yourself in the vulnerable position of actually asking someone out...which of course ends with your heart getting dashed to pieces when you eventually get friendzoned.

Boom.

 

[CoffeeJanitor]

He made his intentions clear and she doesn't return his feelings. He probably should have been more proactive in making his intentions clear throughout his interactions with her instead of a grand japanese like "confession". That shit rarely works and just reeks of... I dunno... But I think it really turns girls off.

Anyway good on you for saying something to her. Next time flirt more heavily and use the common interests a little less as a crutch. She's gonna shoot you down tomorrow no doubt but there'll be another and another and another.



That's a date like an inmate has a date with the governor on the day he gets fried.

Yeah I totally misread his post, maybe she just isn't interested

 

[EmptySpace]

one month.