Key is to find a great companion who is cool with giving you some space as well.TLR it's just easier, and carefree being single, but I miss all the bareback cum in vagina sex and companionship.
what should I do GAF ?
Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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maybe if you're both shy and you use it as a pretense to kiss her on the lips and/or to be cute.
So I've a slightly different question then what you usually see here. Does anyone here think there's anything important I should keep in mind when asking out a girl with aspergers? I know she doesn't pick up on most social cues so I may blindside her a bit when I ask her out and that I need to be explicit that I'm asking her on a date, but aside from that I can't think of anything else I should keep in mind. Anyone here have experience with this kinda situation?
I've always wanted to know this so am asking here. But yeah just how much do a guy's looks matter to women. Now I know that you can trump average/bad looks with a good social standing and personality but just how much do the looks help?
More importantly say like you are a 7 or 8 out of ten, that's very good looking but no Brad Pitt, does it make a difference? I've been hearing that only if you are a 9 or above than it has an immediate impact and that 5-8 is very much the same boat.
More importantly say like you are a 7 or 8 out of ten, that's very good looking but no Brad Pitt, does it make a difference? I've been hearing that only if you are a 9 or above than it has an immediate impact and that 5-8 is very much the same boat.
oh man, i am having a tough time with this break up :S
just can't focus on anything. i feel like half my life was just cut off and all that's left is pointless routine and obligation. the real problem is that i'm not even at a point where i WANT to feel better. are there like stages of grief to breaking up? there must be a hopeless self-pity stage cuz man i am feeling it. just can't even cope.
hold me gaf :/
when dating someone that will require special treatment you should just accept the fact that at some point you're going to fuck up. ask her out like you would any other girl, just be humble about it if you mess up and do you best.
just can't focus on anything. i feel like half my life was just cut off and all that's left is pointless routine and obligation. the real problem is that i'm not even at a point where i WANT to feel better. are there like stages of grief to breaking up? there must be a hopeless self-pity stage cuz man i am feeling it. just can't even cope.
hold me gaf :/
when dating someone that will require special treatment you should just accept the fact that at some point you're going to fuck up. ask her out like you would any other girl, just be humble about it if you mess up and do you best.
spuckthew, this girl is coooooked
I think you need to seal the deal fast, or she may loose interest. I don't know what you did to get her so interested but...telling you she wouldn't drink is like one of the most open invitation I've ever heard on a date. And all that giggling! I think she is completely into you and that, while I understand and admire the will to go at your own pace, you need to seal the deal with some hot, steamy love-making. She makes it look like she enjoys a lot the fact that your relationship is somewhat clandestine: but in these type of fantasies passion is always sudden and relentless, so if you keep going on romantic dates there's a chance she might be turned off. The more romantic dates you have under the "clandestine" umbrella, the more you risk to spoil the fantasy.
If you acknowledge the fact that her father doesn't like non-jews and yet you go for her, that will make her even more interested in you. It's that rebel, don't give a f--- attitude that teenage girls like so much. How old is she? 19, 20?
Again though, timing is of the essence here.
If she hadn't been so upfront about her interest in you, this "not many people see her the way I do" would have looked like some serious warning sign. She doesn't sound low-self esteem at all, but this sentence is. By far. She may be already loosing interest, or better, she may feel that she has been very upfront and that nonetheless you haven't taken action: if she starts to feel slutty because of it, that's dangerous.
In my experience, making out for too long without sex and talking about life, art, what have you for too long without sex is a sure-fire way to create obstacles and barriers in intimacy. As they saying goes, people are creatures of habit: when that habit is talking over and over, or kissing over and over, you are establishing a routine. Now when a couple is genuinely attracted, timing is not much of an issue, but when the bond between two people is predicated on a construct that's a whole different thing. This goes for
1- guy goes to a foreign country and meets a girl. He'll be out of there in two weeks, no time to waste.
2- guy has a relationship with someone who's not supposed to be around someone like him (whatever that "like him" may entail): sooner or later he'll be found out and the people around them will do everything in their power to separate the two. No time to waste.
3- a girl just broke up with her boyfriend because he asked her to marry him and she got scared because she thought it's too soon. These girls mathematically go back to the former boyfriends once they got "the last supper" with some (usually) trashy jerk or a charismatic drug-addict: the trashy jerk/ charismatic drug-addict has no time to waste.
When marriage counsellors have to assess the health of a couple, the first thing they do is check their sex-life: the need for intimacy is one the biggest needs for human beings and it's the primary form of communication in a couple.
The more "forbidden" a bond is seen from the outside, the more exciting it is for the people involved: I can see why you both felt this buzz about the nature of the relationship. Also keep in mind that this very buzz is what keeps you from second-guessing your choices or her behaviour, and keeps you reacting fast and bold.
I have no idea what these numbers mean.
Every woman is different, but of course being more attractive isn't going to hurt you and is going to help in most cases.
Why are you asking? Are you worried you aren't attractive enough for someone?
girls have types. obviously if you're out of shape your chances go down. but if you look like you have things under control, there will be girls that notice you. just different ones depending the type of face you have. the most important thing by far is to take care of your appearance. girls notice when guys groom and pick out nice clothes.
Hah. I don't think I did anything special. She seemed pretty into me even on the first date as we got further into the evening, so maybe I'm just more confident and charismatic than I think and she totally digged that about me (she did actually say on Skype a couple of weeks ago -- before the third date -- that she thought as much). Initially I wasn't being romantic with her or anything: I was teasing her, joking around with her, making her laugh etc. Maybe she thought that my seeming lack of interest in her romantically drew her in. But who knows
This actually makes a lot of sense to me and I totally agree with what you're saying. It's a bit tricky, though, as we live so far away. No chance I could go back to hers. Mine is an option, but I fear she'd use the distance as an excuse. I did actually joke around on our third date that we should book a hotel on the fourth (this was even after me asking her out), and we could get the rope and blindfolds out. She did chuckle at the "suggestion" but she was quick to say she's not into bondage :s
Yeah she's 19 (I'm 23). I personally don't see her dad not wanting her to be with non-Jews as a reason for her to not go out with me, but I'll certainly try to convey my acknowledgement of the situation more and adopt that attitude.
Yeah...She actually initiated all of our kisses and has been very forward with her advances. I'm not oblivious to them and do reciprocate, but in hindsight I should have been more forward with her. I'll try to make my intentions known if we go out again.
I take it you're saying I should try to get intimate with her if we go out again? I think the hotel idea might not be so bad after all - it might even make things more exciting (I was only half-joking when I commented on it to her anyway
) Like you say (assuming I've understood correctly): I don't want her to get a 'fix' elsewhere.I assume this is a good thing? Not over-analysing things and just going with the flow seems to be working in my favour at the moment. She did actually say that she was just going with the flow herself (due to the dad/Jewish thing) and that she hadn't really thought as far ahead as getting involved with me properly. But having asked her out apparently made her realise she can't continue to do this, so maybe it's a lost cause already. I don't want to give up just yet. As someone a few pages back said: "people are too quick to give up on what they want these days". This really resonated with me.
Anyway, thanks for the words of wisdom Tsukumo. The Jew thing is a big obstacle, and it may not be worth the effort in the end, but I can only find out by trying.
Incidentally, I went out with someone Thursday night... She was nice but overall didn't seem overly comfortable with the whole thing, which made me a little uncomfortable. Made me realise just how instantly Amy (the Jew) and I clicked and how natural things felt. I'm currently messaging a couple of girls on POF and added another on Skype on Friday, so it's not like my options aren't open.
The last girl I dated for any length of time was bipolar, so I have some idea of what to expect when dating someone that needs special treatment. I'm just not entirely sure what to expect with asperger syndrome specifically. What I do know is that the biggest challenge will probably be the fact that she doesn't pick up most social cues and body language.
MacGurcules
Member
I read your earlier post and you're me two weeks ago. It's going to be rough for a while and that's fine. Go ahead and wallow in it if you want. The good thing in this kind of situation is that people only have so much emotional endurance. You'll burn out on the despair soon enough.
Give it a few more days to sink in and it won't hurt so much. It'll still be a distraction, but at least it won't hurt. From there, the rest of it is just a matter of degrees.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
We've all been there, bro. The worst part is losing your daily routine and conversation partner. It's just going to take time. You've got this.
We've all been there, bro. The worst part is losing your daily routine and conversation partner. It's just going to take time. You've got this.
Holyshit story of my life. You could just replace his name with Log4Girlz and shop a tree into that pic.
EarsOfASnake
Member
You and I sir are in the same boat right now, I feel your pain.
Okay guys, I'm confused as fuck right now. To sum up:
We've been friends, asked her out, went and don't think she got I meant a date, waited a bit, asked her out again, she said she liked someone else, waited a while and told her how awesome she was and how she was a rare type of girl (the awesome kind), said she wasn't into going to dinner, asked her if she wanted to do something else, she said a walk would be nice (forgive the excess commas, it's hard to type on this).
So, am I on the road to a relationship or is this just beating around the bush?
We've been friends, asked her out, went and don't think she got I meant a date, waited a bit, asked her out again, she said she liked someone else, waited a while and told her how awesome she was and how she was a rare type of girl (the awesome kind), said she wasn't into going to dinner, asked her if she wanted to do something else, she said a walk would be nice (forgive the excess commas, it's hard to type on this).
So, am I on the road to a relationship or is this just beating around the bush?
There's your answer.
Expand on this a bit please. You asked her out to dinner and then you were told she didn't want to go? What is the time frame for all of this anyway?
We've all been there, bro. The worst part is losing your daily routine and conversation partner. It's just going to take time. You've got this.
Any idea how to solve this problem if it WASN'T caused by a breakup?
Horse Detective
Why the long case?
I'm bad at flirting and I should feel bad.
Haha
Haha
Therapy.
Cheaper solution please.
Slayer-33
Liverpool-2
We've all been there, bro. The worst part is losing your daily routine and conversation partner. It's just going to take time. You've got this.
Fuuuuuuuck.. That picture.. It has been happening to me fuuuuck
This, I guess. Though this is your life we're talking about. You're worth spending money on.
NeOak
Member
Beating around the bush IMO.
Chase other girls. You can keep this one in the backburner for when she is available if you want. Funny thing is that you most likely won't be available when she is.
Just focus on others. You can say she is awesome and what not, and then talk about other girls, etc etc. However, be aware that staying her friend with the purpose of getting a girlfriend will backfire if you actually try.
The walk is just for company. That is all.
So, I've been talking to this chick on OKC for the past few days. She joked how she seemed to be pretty terrible at small talk on OKC, but not so in real life. I asked her then if she'd actually like to meet to try the whole small-talk thing. She agreed and asked if I had anything in mind and I just suggested dinner and/or drinks. That was two days ago, and she hasn't responded since. She does have two jobs and is probably pretty busy, but I know she's seen the message. Is there any point at which I should try to ask her about it again, or should I just leave it alone until she's ready to say something?
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Looks good, dude. It's actually probably a strength of yours combined with your eyes.
Oh, sorry, I was at an open house and didn't get to respond. She said she wasn't a fan of restaurants. Asked her first a few weeks ago. The dinner thing was recently.
So, I've been after her for a while and at first I thought she wasn't interested, but then we got to talking and I think we connected, but I don't know because I have to ask this. A few weeks ago I asked if she wanted to go out and she told me that she had a crush on someone. I said it was cool and pulled back a bit. Waited and saw an opportunity and asked again (I'm a persistent person haha). This time however, instead of a flat out no (what I count it as) I got that she wasn't a fan of going out to eat, (uncomfortable in restaurants) so I suggested a walk around to get to know each other better. That apparently sit better. She said she's down with it.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Rand0m TAG
Member
So met a girl. Things really good. Made it official too.
Just one thing, I found out she went out with a good friend once. Things didn't really click between the two. I don't know how to mention it to my friend, just find it a bit awkward.
Just one thing, I found out she went out with a good friend once. Things didn't really click between the two. I don't know how to mention it to my friend, just find it a bit awkward.
hydragonwarrior
Member
I'm 30 and I think you should strongly reconsider that notion.
Not to mention call it meeting up for coffee/tea/whatever instead of a date.
Artofwar420
Member
Think of it this way, do they hang out alone? No? Don't worry about it. She's with you now, don't ruin it with unnecessary jealousy. Past is past.
If it bugs you so much, maybe have a quick chat with your buddy using the least threatening, casual tone you can muster.
I get trying to comfort someone who was so close to you, but if you were sure you were done, keep it strictly friendly and avoid sex at all costs. Feelings will come up and things will be stirred. I guess it depends on what terms you got dumped on. It might actually hurt her more the more you spend time with her reminding her it's over. But, again, I don't know what happened.
I went through a similar thing, consistently asked a girl out, even went out with her a few times. Suggested a movie, she said she's not a fan. Look, if the initial interest is there, she'd be okay with most anything. I should have realized earlier she was being nice about rejecting me. I'd say do your walk thing, and try to really notice if you're not blinded by an unrequited crush. You did your part, she should meet you half way, if not, move on.
MacGurcules
Member
Be very careful. You're both in a rough state emotionally. It might be a good idea for you to have a little distance for a while.
If you both decide that it's worth keeping it going, then don't hold this against her. Everyone gets scared sometimes. Do talk about what happened though. Understanding one another's motivations is important here.
If she wants to get back with me I may tell her to give it a few days to make sure that's what she really wants. But I'm not really sure that will happen, on the phone she said she felt selfish for making me come over to comfort her, which makes me think I may be getting nothing out of this.
Artofwar420
Member
Why did you guys break up?
She basically just said she had a gut feeling that I was meant to be with someone else. Like when she kissed me she felt like she was kissing someone else's husband. And that she needed some time to be alone, for what reason I'm not completely sure.
When is this walk suppose to take place? I wouldn't say relationship road just yet, but could be getting your foot through the door.
Bad idea.
Really bad idea.
Artofwar420
Member
How long were you guys together? Seems to me she doesn't feel as strongly about you anymore, and what she misses so much is the company of someone, maybe not necessarily you. Don't know how to ask, but how much did you like her?
We were together for over a year. She says she still loves me but that's definitely possible. She did make a point on the phone that she wanted me specifically. I knew we needed probably at least another year together, but I felt like I could marry her.
All I'm expecting is to comfort her for a couple hours. She won't have sex if she's too stressed out so I know that's not happening. I don't expect anything out of this, but I do still love her and can't bear to see her in pain, even if she brought it upon herself.
Artofwar420
Member
Best solution I can imagine is to communicate the shit out of this. As in ask her why she would say something like that, why she felt this. And not continue being her tissue until she doesn't explain where this response came from.
Sex might not come into play, but both of your guy's emotions will. If given the opportunity, would you get back with her?
Yeah. Honestly the last two days I've been desperate to have her back so right now I am trying to keep calm and affect as objective of a demeanor as I can.
I will tell her to give it a couple days and make sure this is actually what she wants.
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