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[Devolution]

So insightful.

There's no insight anyone else can really give you other than you learning from doing. It's the biggest mistake people make. They put off just immersing themselves in social situations and a book or the internet isn't going to get you used to challenging yourself to learn off the cuff banter and conversation skills.

 

[Lafiel]

So insightful.

Honestly, I'd genuinely say that reading a book on relationships whether it's scientifically-backed or not isn't going help you in regards to your relationships in life, that stuff or reading deep into say social psychology for example is there to increase your insight on the process behind it, it's not going help you get to that process so to speak.

 

[electricshake]

Reporting back to Gaf again.

Tried Online dating, made an account to 5 different sites (OKCupid, Pof, Match, (Firstdate and Be2 Scandinavian sites)) and have send messages to 5-15 different persons on OKCupid, Pof and Be2 each, which are the only ones that allow sending messages without subscription. And 0 responses. I mean, what the actual fuck? It would be nice if you send "Sorry, but I am not interested." or something, but nooohohooo, let's just ignore him and let him think that hes not worth of anything. After all, I think i made a pretty good profile, putting ½-1h to writing the profile text, telling I am silent, shy, funny, gamer, good story teller and so on and took pretty good pictures out of myself on my front yard. Naturally,I got no contacts from the other side either. I think that maybe I should just lay low and forget about online dating. If I just leave the websites unattended for a couple months, there is bound to be messages in them after that, right (Not gonna happen)?
Also,I noticed that most of the paysites have inferior web architecture. I mean shit, it feels like it was build by some kid in 2 hours, and got 100$ out of it. Almost as if the website is announcing to the world that "We are a scam website. We don't care about our customers or anything, because there is always people stupid enough to pay us money!"

This all just feels like, the more and harder I try, the harder I fall down, accomplishing nothing. At this point to me love and happiness is just an urban legend, a myth tossed around by people. I'd like to think that everybody are saying they have experienced the true love and found a perfect soul mate, but it would be because they think that it is love, but in reality love doesn't exist. Unfortunately, I know better. All I want is a person to laugh with, love with, experience with. Is that really, seriously, too much to ask?

Maybe I'll just stop this pointless quest for a while, focus on something else (Like my new Wii U). I have noticed a few really pretty girls at my bus/train stop every morning when i go to work, but at the moment I just cannot take in another failure. So maybe I'll just settle for to keep my distance and quickly glance every now and then, trying to not look too much creepy.

I think this is the end of my first chapter on seeking a girlfriend, and I really really would like to hope that it won't be the last one.

End of chapter 1: Try hard, Die hard. (Sorry for being so dramatic, it's just how I roll)

TL;DR: Leaving Dating in general/Dating-Gaf for a while, I'll check back maybe in a month or so.

Women tend to get a lot of messages and it's easier to ignore people than send a 'thanks but no thanks' to everyone. Plus getting into that kind of dialogue can result in men being dickheads about it (speaking from experience here). These women don't owe you anything. Also 5-15 messages isn't that many. You just need to keep at it. Post your profiles in the okc thread if you want feedback.

 

[stn]

@Burger_Baron

Take out the shy, silent, gamer part out of your profile. List your interests, focus only on the positive things about you. Keep it short and sweet. Take a really good pic of yourself. Try again.

 

[Denzar]

Hey dudes. Kind of losing my mind here. I know it's most likely all in my head and my insecurities are getting the better of me but I'd like to hear your thoughts on this.

I'm not the dating kind of guy. I'm not sociable, and people disgust me most of the time. However last year at a festival I was wasted and partying pretty hard. A girl took interest and we started dancing. She was/is super cute. Nothing except dancing happened that year. I was impressed. I knew her name so I looked her up on Facebook and add her. I sent her a message telling her it was nice to meet her and I hope I'll see her again in the future.

I see her again half a year later at a different festival but I did not have to balls to walk up to her and say hello. In august I saw her again, at this years edition of the festival I met her. She comes up to me and asks me if I remember who she is. Of course I do and we start talking and dancing. She says she spotted me a couple of months ago at the same festival I spotted her. She also mentions that she was too shy to come talk to me. We eventually end up kissing and exchanging phone numbers. We see eachother again the day after and end up kissing again. When the festival ends she asks me if we will see eachother again. I reply with "I hope so!".

Immediately after that festival I leave for another festival. We send texts to eachother at regular intervals and we set up a date. I go to Brussels, nervous as hell, she was waiting for me outside the train station. The thought that I'd have to "conquer" her again did not leave my mind up untill the moment I see her. See comes running up to me, jumps in my arms and kisses me on the mouth. Our evening together is amazing we have fun and we plan a second date. We are still dating now and when we see eachother things are great! We hold hands and all that stupid love crap I would never do except with her.

Important fact, she lives about 100 km away, in Brussels and I live in Bruges (Belgium). She also speaks a different language (French).

Up until now we did not have sex yet. We did not have the chance. I have to take the last train back to Bruges because I work almost every day and she started studying at the University of Brussels. She is super swamped with school work + she works to pay her school bills. We have only been alone in her apartment once and that wasn't the best opportunity to shag either.

I haven't been this interested in a girl in 3 years and I really want to be patient and put effort into meeting her and making her feel good. I guess I'm in love and really scared this will turn out to be nothing. Why?

- She almost nevers texts me out of her own. Granted she HATES texting, it drives her nuts.
- I have tot take the most initiative, which is fine, but it's like 90% me, 10% her.
- She lives in Brussels, I live in Bruges. Distance can be a killer.
- She is smoking hot!

Basically, I want this to last. I see a lot of positives, but I'm replaying these scenarios in my head where she is just not interested in me. It's drving me crazy!

An important note maybe: I was burnt real hard by a girl in the past and I'm super scared this might happen again. I don't want the past to influence my thoughts or behaviour.

What do you guys think? Is she interested? I don't want to give up! I want to show this woman that I want her without disrespecting her.

 

[Kiraly]

Reporting back to Gaf again.

Tried Online dating, made an account to 5 different sites (OKCupid, Pof, Match, (Firstdate and Be2 Scandinavian sites)) and have send messages to 5-15 different persons on OKCupid, Pof and Be2 each, which are the only ones that allow sending messages without subscription. And 0 responses. I mean, what the actual fuck? It would be nice if you send "Sorry, but I am not interested." or something, but nooohohooo, let's just ignore him and let him think that hes not worth of anything. After all, I think i made a pretty good profile, putting ½-1h to writing the profile text, telling I am silent, shy, funny, gamer, good story teller and so on and took pretty good pictures out of myself on my front yard. Naturally,I got no contacts from the other side either. I think that maybe I should just lay low and forget about online dating. If I just leave the websites unattended for a couple months, there is bound to be messages in them after that, right (Not gonna happen)?
Also,I noticed that most of the paysites have inferior web architecture. I mean shit, it feels like it was build by some kid in 2 hours, and got 100$ out of it. Almost as if the website is announcing to the world that "We are a scam website. We don't care about our customers or anything, because there is always people stupid enough to pay us money!"

This all just feels like, the more and harder I try, the harder I fall down, accomplishing nothing. At this point to me love and happiness is just an urban legend, a myth tossed around by people. I'd like to think that everybody are saying they have experienced the true love and found a perfect soul mate, but it would be because they think that it is love, but in reality love doesn't exist. Unfortunately, I know better. All I want is a person to laugh with, love with, experience with. Is that really, seriously, too much to ask?

Maybe I'll just stop this pointless quest for a while, focus on something else (Like my new Wii U). I have noticed a few really pretty girls at my bus/train stop every morning when i go to work, but at the moment I just cannot take in another failure. So maybe I'll just settle for to keep my distance and quickly glance every now and then, trying to not look too much creepy.

I think this is the end of my first chapter on seeking a girlfriend, and I really really would like to hope that it won't be the last one.

End of chapter 1: Try hard, Die hard. (Sorry for being so dramatic, it's just how I roll)

TL;DR: Leaving Dating in general/Dating-Gaf for a while, I'll check back maybe in a month or so.

You should try losing that passive aggressiveness first.

 

[Locke_211]

Quick survey time. I'm 29 and on POF. A 19 year old has said she wants to meet me. She looks nice and sounds interesting, but 24/25 is the minimum age I've set myself for dating. She's down as wanting to date 'but nothing serious'.

Who would go for it?

 

[NeOak]

Hey dudes. Kind of losing my mind here. I know it's most likely all in my head and my insecurities are getting the better of me but I'd like to hear your thoughts on this.

I'm not the dating kind of guy. I'm not sociable, and people disgust me most of the time. However last year at a festival I was wasted and partying pretty hard. A girl took interest and we started dancing. She was/is super cute. Nothing except dancing happened that year. I was impressed. I knew her name so I looked her up on Facebook and add her. I sent her a message telling her it was nice to meet her and I hope I'll see her again in the future.

I see her again half a year later at a different festival but I did not have to balls to walk up to her and say hello. In august I saw her again, at this years edition of the festival I met her. She comes up to me and asks me if I remember who she is. Of course I do and we start talking and dancing. She says she spotted me a couple of months ago at the same festival I spotted her. She also mentions that she was too shy to come talk to me. We eventually end up kissing and exchanging phone numbers. We see eachother again the day after and end up kissing again. When the festival ends she asks me if we will see eachother again. I reply with "I hope so!".

Immediately after that festival I leave for another festival. We send texts to eachother at regular intervals and we set up a date. I go to Brussels, nervous as hell, she was waiting for me outside the train station. The thought that I'd have to "conquer" her again did not leave my mind up untill the moment I see her. See comes running up to me, jumps in my arms and kisses me on the mouth. Our evening together is amazing we have fun and we plan a second date. We are still dating now and when we see eachother things are great! We hold hands and all that stupid love crap I would never do except with her.

Important fact, she lives about 100 km away, in Brussels and I live in Bruges (Belgium). She also speaks a different language (French).

Up until now we did not have sex yet. We did not have the chance. I have to take the last train back to Bruges because I work almost every day and she started studying at the University of Brussels. She is super swamped with school work + she works to pay her school bills. We have only been alone in her apartment once and that wasn't the best opportunity to shag either.

I haven't been this interested in a girl in 3 years and I really want to be patient and put effort into meeting her and making her feel good. I guess I'm in love and really scared this will turn out to be nothing. Why?

- She almost nevers texts me out of her own. Granted she HATES texting, it drives her nuts.
- I have tot take the most initiative, which is fine, but it's like 90% me, 10% her.
- She lives in Brussels, I live in Bruges. Distance can be a killer.
- She is smoking hot!

Basically, I want this to last. I see a lot of positives, but I'm replaying these scenarios in my head where she is just not interested in me. It's drving me crazy!

An important note maybe: I was burnt real hard by a girl in the past and I'm super scared this might happen again. I don't want the past to influence my thoughts or behaviour.

What do you guys think? Is she interested? I don't want to give up! I want to show this woman that I want her without disrespecting her.

Sounds like she is interested.

Quick survey time. I'm 29 and on POF. A 19 year old has said she wants to meet me. She looks nice and sounds interesting, but 24/25 is the minimum age I've set myself for dating. She's down as wanting to date 'but nothing serious'.

Who would go for it?

What do you stand to lose if you go?

 

[grap3fruitman]

A 19 year old has said she wants to meet me.

Why don't you have a seat?

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

Hey dudes. Kind of losing my mind here. I know it's most likely all in my head and my insecurities are getting the better of me but I'd like to hear your thoughts on this.

I'm not the dating kind of guy. I'm not sociable, and people disgust me most of the time. However last year at a festival I was wasted and partying pretty hard. A girl took interest and we started dancing. She was/is super cute. Nothing except dancing happened that year. I was impressed. I knew her name so I looked her up on Facebook and add her. I sent her a message telling her it was nice to meet her and I hope I'll see her again in the future.

I see her again half a year later at a different festival but I did not have to balls to walk up to her and say hello. In august I saw her again, at this years edition of the festival I met her. She comes up to me and asks me if I remember who she is. Of course I do and we start talking and dancing. She says she spotted me a couple of months ago at the same festival I spotted her. She also mentions that she was too shy to come talk to me. We eventually end up kissing and exchanging phone numbers. We see eachother again the day after and end up kissing again. When the festival ends she asks me if we will see eachother again. I reply with "I hope so!".

Immediately after that festival I leave for another festival. We send texts to eachother at regular intervals and we set up a date. I go to Brussels, nervous as hell, she was waiting for me outside the train station. The thought that I'd have to "conquer" her again did not leave my mind up untill the moment I see her. See comes running up to me, jumps in my arms and kisses me on the mouth. Our evening together is amazing we have fun and we plan a second date. We are still dating now and when we see eachother things are great! We hold hands and all that stupid love crap I would never do except with her.

Important fact, she lives about 100 km away, in Brussels and I live in Bruges (Belgium). She also speaks a different language (French).

Up until now we did not have sex yet. We did not have the chance. I have to take the last train back to Bruges because I work almost every day and she started studying at the University of Brussels. She is super swamped with school work + she works to pay her school bills. We have only been alone in her apartment once and that wasn't the best opportunity to shag either.

I haven't been this interested in a girl in 3 years and I really want to be patient and put effort into meeting her and making her feel good. I guess I'm in love and really scared this will turn out to be nothing. Why?

- She almost nevers texts me out of her own. Granted she HATES texting, it drives her nuts.
- I have tot take the most initiative, which is fine, but it's like 90% me, 10% her.
- She lives in Brussels, I live in Bruges. Distance can be a killer.
- She is smoking hot!

Basically, I want this to last. I see a lot of positives, but I'm replaying these scenarios in my head where she is just not interested in me. It's drving me crazy!

An important note maybe: I was burnt real hard by a girl in the past and I'm super scared this might happen again. I don't want the past to influence my thoughts or behaviour.

What do you guys think? Is she interested? I don't want to give up! I want to show this woman that I want her without disrespecting her.

My girlfriend and I are long distance at the moment and it isn't the easiest thing to deal with, but we also know that it isn't forever and eventually we'll be together in the same place. If you like this girl and want to create a relationship out of it, then go for it. It sounds like things are off to a great start and you're a heck of a lot closer to one another than I am with my girl.

 

[spuckthew]

Who would go for it?

Well the best dates I'd say I've ever been on were with that Jewish girl and she's 19 too. Granted there's only a four year gap between us, but I honestly had more of a laugh and felt my most natural with her than with any of the 21-24-year-olds I've been on dates with (which is the range I set for my profile at the time).

It's hard to give proper advice being 6 years younger than you, but I'd go for it unless you'd feel too uncomfortable with such a large gap.

 

[bjb]

Reporting back to Gaf again.

Tried Online dating, made an account to 5 different sites (OKCupid, Pof, Match, (Firstdate and Be2 Scandinavian sites)) and have send messages to 5-15 different persons on OKCupid, Pof and Be2 each, which are the only ones that allow sending messages without subscription. And 0 responses. I mean, what the actual fuck? It would be nice if you send "Sorry, but I am not interested." or something, but nooohohooo, let's just ignore him and let him think that hes not worth of anything. After all, I think i made a pretty good profile, putting ½-1h to writing the profile text, telling I am silent, shy, funny, gamer, good story teller and so on and took pretty good pictures out of myself on my front yard. Naturally,I got no contacts from the other side either. I think that maybe I should just lay low and forget about online dating. If I just leave the websites unattended for a couple months, there is bound to be messages in them after that, right (Not gonna happen)?
Also,I noticed that most of the paysites have inferior web architecture. I mean shit, it feels like it was build by some kid in 2 hours, and got 100$ out of it. Almost as if the website is announcing to the world that "We are a scam website. We don't care about our customers or anything, because there is always people stupid enough to pay us money!"

This all just feels like, the more and harder I try, the harder I fall down, accomplishing nothing. At this point to me love and happiness is just an urban legend, a myth tossed around by people. I'd like to think that everybody are saying they have experienced the true love and found a perfect soul mate, but it would be because they think that it is love, but in reality love doesn't exist. Unfortunately, I know better. All I want is a person to laugh with, love with, experience with. Is that really, seriously, too much to ask?

Maybe I'll just stop this pointless quest for a while, focus on something else (Like my new Wii U). I have noticed a few really pretty girls at my bus/train stop every morning when i go to work, but at the moment I just cannot take in another failure. So maybe I'll just settle for to keep my distance and quickly glance every now and then, trying to not look too much creepy.

I think this is the end of my first chapter on seeking a girlfriend, and I really really would like to hope that it won't be the last one.

End of chapter 1: Try hard, Die hard. (Sorry for being so dramatic, it's just how I roll)

TL;DR: Leaving Dating in general/Dating-Gaf for a while, I'll check back maybe in a month or so.

No offense, but what well-adjusted female on earth is going to want to be with some passive aggressive, bitter and likely unstable dude; particularly when those qualities are more than likely evident on your dating profile summary.

Likewise, in said profile - you mention being a "shy, silent gamer". Regardless of whether or not that is reflective of your actual personality (and hobbies), I can guarantee you that mentioning those isn't going to do you any favors in attracting someone's interest.

Imo, check yourself and work on developing a better attitude and worldview before trying to date anyone. Online dating is very similar to job searching. You want to make yourself as marketable and likable as possible. Your post suggest everything but that.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

Quick survey time. I'm 29 and on POF. A 19 year old has said she wants to meet me. She looks nice and sounds interesting, but 24/25 is the minimum age I've set myself for dating. She's down as wanting to date 'but nothing serious'.

Who would go for it?

I'd at least give it a shot. The girl I'm dating now is 14 years younger than me. I never thought I'd date someone that much younger, but she is probably the person I'm most compatible with ever.

 

[TheExodu5]

Quick survey time. I'm 29 and on POF. A 19 year old has said she wants to meet me. She looks nice and sounds interesting, but 24/25 is the minimum age I've set myself for dating. She's down as wanting to date 'but nothing serious'.

Who would go for it?

You may as well meet her. What do you have to lose? An hour at a coffee shop?

I went out with a 20 year old and it ended up being a bit of a waste of time, but her level of maturity was quite low, even for her age. However, I could see myself dating a younger girl if her level of maturity was reasonably high.

 

[Locke_211]

Thanks for the advice. After a closer look at her profile, she just might be a student at the uni I'm teaching at this term, on the course I teach. This complicates things. Though there's close to 1000 students on this course and she's certainly never been in any of my classes.

 

[MacGurcules]

Quick survey time. I'm 29 and on POF. A 19 year old has said she wants to meet me. She looks nice and sounds interesting, but 24/25 is the minimum age I've set myself for dating. She's down as wanting to date 'but nothing serious'.

Who would go for it?

I've gone out with a couple of girls in that age range in the last few years (31, now). It was fine, but I think they're a little too young for me anymore. I do stay in fairly regular contact with one of them, though. We didn't really have any romantic connection, but we've got some common interests and she's good company, so I'm still glad I met her.

So I say, unless you're explicitly looking for something serious, why not go for it?

EDIT:

Thanks for the advice. After a closer look at her profile, she just might be a student at the uni I'm teaching at this term, on the course I teach. This complicates things. Though there's close to 1000 students on this course and she's certainly never been in any of my classes.

Woah, that's different. That does make things slightly more complicated. I don't think you should be completely turned off of meeting her, but yeah, tread a bit more lightly for sure.

 

[Minamu]

Quick survey time. I'm 29 and on POF. A 19 year old has said she wants to meet me. She looks nice and sounds interesting, but 24/25 is the minimum age I've set myself for dating. She's down as wanting to date 'but nothing serious'.

Who would go for it?

Sounds like she wants some D. Why not go for it? At that age, something serious is unlikely to work due to immaturity, but that seems to have taken care of itself already anyway. Talk to her, you've got nothing to lose by doing that.

Thanks for the advice. After a closer look at her profile, she just might be a student at the uni I'm teaching at this term, on the course I teach. This complicates things. Though there's close to 1000 students on this course and she's certainly never been in any of my classes.

Well, that may or may not change everything.

Why don't you have a seat?

Oh come on, that's common :lol I'm 28 and I've made out with countless 18 year olds (and will probably do a repeat one on Saturday night or Sunday). It's not a big deal, it's not like you could be her dad or anything.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

I should watch In Bruges again. Great movie.

@Deepack stop worrying. She likes you, you like her, enjoy it.

 

[Symphonia]

Correct me if I'm wrong, GAF, but it's never a good idea to start dating, let alone go in to a relationship, with someone whom you've already argued with on a daily basis, right?

 

[omgkitty]

Okay asked her if she wanted to do something when she got out of class tonight. She said "I have a paper to write but maybe!" So I guess we'll see how that goes.

 

[Miss Riot]

Reporting back to Gaf again.

Tried Online dating, made an account to 5 different sites (OKCupid, Pof, Match, (Firstdate and Be2 Scandinavian sites)) and have send messages to 5-15 different persons on OKCupid, Pof and Be2 each, which are the only ones that allow sending messages without subscription. And 0 responses. I mean, what the actual fuck? It would be nice if you send "Sorry, but I am not interested." or something, but nooohohooo, let's just ignore him and let him think that hes not worth of anything. After all, I think i made a pretty good profile, putting ½-1h to writing the profile text, telling I am silent, shy, funny, gamer, good story teller and so on and took pretty good pictures out of myself on my front yard. Naturally,I got no contacts from the other side either. I think that maybe I should just lay low and forget about online dating. If I just leave the websites unattended for a couple months, there is bound to be messages in them after that, right (Not gonna happen)?
Also,I noticed that most of the paysites have inferior web architecture. I mean shit, it feels like it was build by some kid in 2 hours, and got 100$ out of it. Almost as if the website is announcing to the world that "We are a scam website. We don't care about our customers or anything, because there is always people stupid enough to pay us money!"

This all just feels like, the more and harder I try, the harder I fall down, accomplishing nothing. At this point to me love and happiness is just an urban legend, a myth tossed around by people. I'd like to think that everybody are saying they have experienced the true love and found a perfect soul mate, but it would be because they think that it is love, but in reality love doesn't exist. Unfortunately, I know better. All I want is a person to laugh with, love with, experience with. Is that really, seriously, too much to ask?

Maybe I'll just stop this pointless quest for a while, focus on something else (Like my new Wii U). I have noticed a few really pretty girls at my bus/train stop every morning when i go to work, but at the moment I just cannot take in another failure. So maybe I'll just settle for to keep my distance and quickly glance every now and then, trying to not look too much creepy.

I think this is the end of my first chapter on seeking a girlfriend, and I really really would like to hope that it won't be the last one.

End of chapter 1: Try hard, Die hard. (Sorry for being so dramatic, it's just how I roll)

TL;DR: Leaving Dating in general/Dating-Gaf for a while, I'll check back maybe in a month or so.

you've got issues people don't want to message back to get involved with. this is too much to ask of strangers.

EDIT: I'm going to address a few things I highly recommend taking care of:

"It would be nice if you send "Sorry, but I am not interested." or something, but nooohohooo, let's just ignore him and let him think that hes not worth of anything. After all, I think i made a pretty good profile, putting ½-1h to writing the profile text, telling I am silent, shy, funny, gamer, good story teller and so on and took pretty good pictures out of myself on my front yard."

this is shit people don't want to be a part of. nobody wants someone who is doing this kind of thing when it's not malicious intent.

"This all just feels like, the more and harder I try, the harder I fall down, accomplishing nothing. At this point to me love and happiness is just an urban legend, a myth tossed around by people. I'd like to think that everybody are saying they have experienced the true love and found a perfect soul mate, but it would be because they think that it is love, but in reality love doesn't exist. Unfortunately, I know better. All I want is a person to laugh with, love with, experience with. Is that really, seriously, too much to ask?"

not too much to ask, but you sound like you are _demanding_ it which means if you think you find it, you're only lying to yourself. if it happens, it happens. love yourself. everything else will fall into place. I say this and I'm still single. love YOU.

" So maybe I'll just settle for to keep my distance and quickly glance every now and then, trying to not look too much creepy."

if you have to make an effort to try not to look creepy, you're creepy. just be normal.

 

[overcast]

Went to a concert (Disclosure) last night. Usually I hate when people force cut right before the main artist comes on, but it caused this really cute chick to be right in front of me. I asked if she was single after talking for a bit, she said "kind of". I told her since we were that close we might as well dance. We ended up dancing and singing the whole night. Fucking terrific time.

She lives like five hours away, so I decided against asking for number/Facebook info. Got a picture with her and left.

Should I do so next time?

 

[Denzar]

My girlfriend and I are long distance at the moment and it isn't the easiest thing to deal with, but we also know that it isn't forever and eventually we'll be together in the same place. If you like this girl and want to create a relationship out of it, then go for it. It sounds like things are off to a great start and you're a heck of a lot closer to one another than I am with my girl.

Thanks man! I will go for it!

I should watch In Bruges again. Great movie.

@Deepack stop worrying. She likes you, you like her, enjoy it.

Yeah, you should. Great movie indeed!

And you are most likely right. I just wish my mind would calm down.

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

To continue piling on Burger_Baron: if you don't understand why women are afraid to at least write back just to say no, you don't have enough life experience to date.

 

[Femmeworth]

There's no insight anyone else can really give you other than you learning from doing. It's the biggest mistake people make. They put off just immersing themselves in social situations and a book or the internet isn't going to get you used to challenging yourself to learn off the cuff banter and conversation skills.

I partly disagree. I haven't said as much in this thread, but I am seeing someone right now. I am getting experience, I just want some help.

Honestly, I'd genuinely say that reading a book on relationships whether it's scientifically-backed or not isn't going help you in regards to your relationships in life, that stuff or reading deep into say social psychology for example is there to increase your insight on the process behind it, it's not going help you get to that process so to speak.

I'm not looking for something to give me a step-by-step guide. I just think knowing some of what goes on behind the scenes will help me out.

 

[omgkitty]

Okay asked her if she wanted to do something when she got out of class tonight. She said "I have a paper to write but maybe!" So I guess we'll see how that goes.

I actually do have a question. At what point do I bring it up again if she never responds? She doesn't get out of class until 5:45, and I'm not sure if I should ask her again about it at a certain point or if I should just wait and see if she says something about it when she gets out? I don't want to push it too hard or act like its a big deal. I'll also be the first to admit that whenever I use "maybe" it's almost always a no and I just don't want to say no.

 

[Miss Riot]

I'm not looking for something to give me a step-by-step guide. I just think knowing some of what goes on behind the scenes will help me out.

everyone is unique and there would be no handbook that would be accurate for anyone. I will say this though, learning about yourself and how self-sabotaging works and if you do it is invaluable.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

I actually do have a question. At what point do I bring it up again if she never responds? She doesn't get out of class until 5:45, and I'm not sure if I should ask her again about it at a certain point or if I should just wait and see if she says something about it when she gets out? I don't want to push it too hard or act like its a big deal. I'll also be the first to admit that whenever I use "maybe" it's almost always a no and I just don't want to say no.

If it were me, and I received that note back from her, I would have replied with something like: "Okay, let me know if you can get together."

That puts the ball in her court and you don't have to wonder. If she's interested, she'll get back to you. If not, you'll know the answer and can move on.

 

[Darklord]

Sigh. Been 24 hours now. No reply. Guess the dates not happening. I don't even get it, SHE was interested in me until I asked her out. Why even start anything?

 

[Necrovex]

That "seen" indicator is the worst thing ever.

To add to other people's points, I look at my FB through my phone. You know what sucks? Writing a long-ass message on my phone. I'll only write messages when I get home to a computer.

 

[beat]

If it were me, and I received that note back from her, I would have replied with something like: "Okay, let me know if you can get together."

That puts the ball in her court and you don't have to wonder. If she's interested, she'll get back to you. If not, you'll know the answer and can move on.

Bearing in mind that I'm super bad at this stuff... I'd say homework genuinely might be a legit excuse.

Also, I'd rather have an explicit no, but that's me. (Yes, even bearing in mind that you have to play soccer with her for another few weeks.)

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

Sigh. Been 24 hours now. No reply. Guess the dates not happening. I don't even get it, SHE was interested in me until I asked her out. Why even start anything?

People wither when the pressure's on. Stop thinking about it.

 

[Devolution]

I partly disagree. I haven't said as much in this thread, but I am seeing someone right now. I am getting experience, I just want some help.

A book isn't going to teach you how to read a specific person, how to realize you're being an asshole, how to communicate properly with a specific person. You basically have to learn as you go with each person you date/have a relationship with. I'd say figuring that person out is far more beneficial than spending your time reading a book as if it will provide insight into how that particular person operates. There is no how to manual for individuals which is why I loathe books on the matter. Any sort of advice should be catered to your specific situation. General crap is just that, crap.

 

[WarrenMax007]

Ohh i fucked up so bad today. So i am on a train to the city and like 5-6 rows from me there is very cute girl, she reminded me of Rachel from Suits, looks almost like her. And almost every time i look away she looks at me. I think "ohh i have to do something" and i couldn't just stand up and go talk to her. And then i got, not very bright, but still an idea that i'll write her a note, something like "text me you number, my number is ...", and just hand it to her when i'll be getting off the train. And then i am looking for a pen but nobody has one, digital age my ass.
And i don't think i can find a way to meet this girl again. There is no chance, right?
I need to grow some balls.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

I partly disagree. I haven't said as much in this thread, but I am seeing someone right now. I am getting experience, I just want some help.

I'm not looking for something to give me a step-by-step guide. I just think knowing some of what goes on behind the scenes will help me out.

Obviously, this is what you need to do...

 

[TruckDriver]

Sigh. Been 24 hours now. No reply. Guess the dates not happening. I don't even get it, SHE was interested in me until I asked her out. Why even start anything?

Just think of it as her loss. I know hurts, but stay strong, stay busy, and move on.

A book isn't going to teach you how to read a specific person, how to realize you're being an asshole, how to communicate properly with a specific person. You basically have to learn as you go with each person you date/have a relationship with. I'd say figuring that person out is far more beneficial than spending your time reading a book as if it will provide insight into how that particular person operates. There is no how to manual for individuals which is why I loathe books on the matter. Any sort of advice should be catered to your specific situation. General crap is just that, crap.

That's really the think and thin of it. If you want to know this person better, spend time with them. It doesn't have to be going out or doing some grand thing - even spending time at home, just chilling out, can help you learn more about a person.

Everyone makes mistakes in dating or relationships. You learn from those mistakes and get better.

 

[drkOne]

Even though I agree that actual experience is the best, Dating-Age helped me just as much.

Knowing what you should accept, what you shouldn't.
What you should do, even if everything in your head tells you to do the opposite.

Being a "nice guy", I never realized I was putting myself in the worst position ever… No wonder girls took me for granted.
Thanks to most of you guys who actively post here I was able to get some balance on all that.
I always thought you'd get a girl to like you by being super nice to her… I was so fucking wrong.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

I always thought you'd get a girl to like you by being super nice to her… I was so fucking wrong.

There's a difference between being "nice" and being a doormat, Hahaha. Let's not get carried away here.

 

[drkOne]

There's a difference between being "nice" and being a doormat, Hahaha. Let's not get carried away here.

I did say "super nice". I toned it down, and it did wonders for me

 

[zeemumu]

I did say "super nice". I toned it down, and it did wonders for me

You shouldn't be a doormat and you shouldn't be a douchebag. Just be friendly and interesting and things just kind of go from there.

 

[Femmeworth]

A book isn't going to teach you how to read a specific person, how to realize you're being an asshole, how to communicate properly with a specific person. You basically have to learn as you go with each person you date/have a relationship with. I'd say figuring that person out is far more beneficial than spending your time reading a book as if it will provide insight into how that particular person operates. There is no how to manual for individuals which is why I loathe books on the matter. Any sort of advice should be catered to your specific situation. General crap is just that, crap.

You want to volunteer your services?

My current thing has already failed your "kiss (or more) within three dates" rule.

 

[beat]

A book isn't going to teach you how to read a specific person, how to realize you're being an asshole, how to communicate properly with a specific person. You basically have to learn as you go with each person you date/have a relationship with. I'd say figuring that person out is far more beneficial than spending your time reading a book as if it will provide insight into how that particular person operates. There is no how to manual for individuals which is why I loathe books on the matter. Any sort of advice should be catered to your specific situation. General crap is just that, crap.

Well... all that said, I feel like some self help books can be helpful. Granted, I don't remember much of the one I've been skimming lately (on emotional intelligence) beyond that understanding our own emotional state is key to taking control of our emotions rather than letting them control us. I should probably actually read it rather than skim it.

 

[NeOak]

Well... all that said, I feel like some self help books can be helpful. Granted, I don't remember much of the one I've been skimming lately (on emotional intelligence) beyond that understanding our own emotional state is key to taking control of our emotions rather than letting them control us. I should probably actually read it rather than skim it.

The problem with the books IMO is that a lot are PUA stuff, so if you are looking for something else then its difficult to find one.

Human relations are so complicated that there are infinite shades of grey. You'd need an encyclopedia the size of Britannica to really cover the subject.

 

[Mr.Swag]

Any tips on seducing a girl I'm gonna be in a group project with?
Professor set up everyone's groups through email, so we haven't really spoken in class, but I had the greatest luck of being partnered up with the best looking girl in class. Just 2 people per group, so it's jus going to be us working together. Project is due in a month tho, and it very simple, it could easily be done in a day. Is this when I try and prolong our work?
Never spoken to her, she sits on the other side of class, but I've caught her staring before, so I think I got it locked down on the interest department.
How do I escalate this.

 

[omgkitty]

Bearing in mind that I'm super bad at this stuff... I'd say homework genuinely might be a legit excuse.

Also, I'd rather have an explicit no, but that's me. (Yes, even bearing in mind that you have to play soccer with her for another few weeks.)

She texted me back and said she still needed to go home and write her paper. I then gave her some crap for it and told her that she should just tell me when she wanted to hang out, since I tried to provide several different options and she wouldn't give me a straight answer on any of them. Once she got home I then helped her write her paper which was an analysis on a love a poem.

Spoiler

seriously wtf am I doing???

After that I told her she owed me one.

No idea what the hell I'm doing. I think it's clear she doesn't have any suspicions about my intentions, which could be good or bad, and probably just thinks we're friends.

 

[beat]

She texted me back and said she still needed to go home and write her paper. I then gave her some crap for it and told her that she should just tell me when she wanted to hang out,

Hah, I pulled the same move a while back, and for it I was rewarded with completely losing out. Just saying.

since I tried to provide several different options and she wouldn't give me a straight answer on any of them. Once she got home I then helped her writer her paper which was an analysis on a love a poem.

Spoiler

seriously wtf am I doing???

After that I told her she owed me one.

No idea what the hell I'm doing. I think it's clear she doesn't have any suspicions about my intentions, which could be good or bad, and probably just thinks we're friends.

Well, you could just let it drop. Do you feel like you've gotten closure? Do you think she does know and wants to let you down softly? Sometimes people think that's the humane thing to do. Sleep on it a day and think if she's just trying to avoid having to say no flat out.

Or, skip the guessing games and ask her out, on a real date. Stop trying to hide your intentions from her. (and maybe tell her you'll do your best not to be weird around her if she says no, in case that's what she's worried about? Again, I'm super bad at this too, I'm just telling you what didn't work for me.)

What is your ambiguity getting you? She'll either say yes, come back with a day she is free, or tell you straight up it's not gonna happen. Or tell you that day doesn't work and not suggest anything else, I guess, which is where you are now. ... yeah, she might be saying no. I can't say for sure, obviously, but if I were you, I'd try one more time while assuming she was obliquely saying no and I just wanted clarification.

This will make things at least a little weird between you two, but as I said before, I think you're already weird around/about her and getting un-weird starts with knowing where you stand with her. (Just making the decision to assume she meant no also works, of course.)

 

[omgkitty]

Hah, I pulled the same move a while back, and for it I was rewarded with completely losing out. Just saying.


Well, you could just let it drop. Do you feel like you've gotten closure? Do you think she does know and wants to let you down softly? Sometimes people think that's the humane thing to do. Sleep on it a day and think if she's just trying to avoid having to say no flat out.

Or, skip the guessing games and ask her out, on a real date. Stop trying to hide your intentions from her. (and maybe tell her you'll do your best not to be weird around her if she says no, in case that's what she's worried about? Again, I'm super bad at this too, I'm just telling you what didn't work for me.)

What is your ambiguity getting you? She'll either say yes, come back with a day she is free, or tell you straight up it's not gonna happen. Or tell you that day doesn't work and not suggest anything else, I guess, which is where you are now. ... yeah, she might be saying no. I can't say for sure, obviously, but if I were you, I'd try one more time while assuming she was obliquely saying no and I just wanted clarification.

This will make things at least a little weird between you two, but as I said before, I think you're already weird around/about her and getting un-weird starts with knowing where you stand with her. (Just making the decision to assume she meant no also works, of course.)

See I don't know. When we're with other people, I'm fine around her. We did have a few minutes alone on Tuesday, and it did feel slightly awkward and I didn't know what to talk about. I'm mostly just very sarcastic and give her crap. Not too much, but enough for her to know I'm playful and joking most of the time. I'm not trying to kill her with kindness or anything. I don't know. It just sucks when we do hang out and she does that thing where she'll just stare at me and smile and I have no fucking clue if she's just being friendly or if that's what she does or what. I'm terrible at reading women.

At one point when we were talking tonight, I thought she was blowing me off, and while I felt disappointed about it, I wasn't devastated or anything. I'm supposed to see her tomorrow night (with a bunch of people of course) and I'll see how it goes.

For now, I'm just going to see what she does. If she really cares, she'll ask me to do something. I basically told her I wanted to hang out with her and that I was free all weekend, so if she doesn't say anything I'll assume she's not interested. It did feel nice to have some motivation to start watching what I eat and work out more, so hopefully I'll keep that up regardless of what happens.

 

[RedSwirl]

Alright, I don't actually follow this thread but I don't feel like starting a new one right now to ask this.

After reading a shitload of friendzone threads in OT culminating in Kopiate's thread, I need to ask a question: Has there ever actually been any romantic comedy or other romance media focusing specifically on this "Friend Zone" and "Nice Guy" shit ending with a message about confidence and not fishing for sympathy all the goddamn time?

See, a lot of people here seem to not understand how so many guys can believe in the FriendZone, why they fall into the Nice Guy shit, and why so many guys put women on pedestals. I think one reason is because that's what a shitload of media tells them to do.

Yeah yeah media isn't real life and people will probably tell you it doesn't affect them, but it probably does and they just don't want to admit it, especially if it's a guy who doesn't get out with friends a lot. I think a lot of them at least subconsciously get their ideas of romance from movies and music, even if they might deny that. Just look at the dude in China who got dunked.

And just look at movies and music. Romantic comedies usually end in the guy putting the woman on a pedestal and putting himself at her feet and getting rewarded for it. Half of R&B and male pop songs are about this. They also tend to showcase "asshole" guys, casting them as the textbook "what not to do in a relationship." I mean Jesus. I think people miss the fact that most of the stories in that media are about people already in relationships, not people initiating relationships.

I don't watch romantic comedies deliberately and don't listen to popular music anymore, so I don't know if any of this stuff has ever had any other kind of message. Has there ever been a movie where the guy is told to flat-out stop putting women on a pedestal? Or a song from a female singer telling guys to stop fucking doing that? Or any story about girls taking advantage of friendzoned guys? Or a movie about a protagonist who sucks at initiating relationships? The closest I can think of is end of Bedazzled where Brendan Frasier finally just asks the girl out, she says no, and he just moves on.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Alright, I don't actually follow this thread but I don't feel like starting a new one right now to ask this.

After reading a shitload of friendzone threads in OT culminating in Kopiate's thread, I need to ask a question: Has there ever actually been any romantic comedy or other romance media focusing specifically on this "Friend Zone" and "Nice Guy" shit ending with a message about confidence and not fishing for sympathy all the goddamn time?

It's not a rom-com, but THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN does this.

Every bitter virgin should watch it, before it is too late.

 

[Mr.Swag]

Why isn't this thread In community?