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Cross posting from OkGAF:

My friend talked me out of meeting up with a woman last night I met on OkCupid who was down to fuck. After talking to her Monday she sent me her number to text. That's when she started sending very sexually themed messages.

When I showed them to my friend she warned me the woman was a slut and might be carrying a nest of STDs. My friend also said I shouldn't be going after women who would have sex with anyone and that I can do better.

I think I made the right choice, but it wasn't easy because I've never had a woman so easily want to have sex with me and I haven't had it in over three years. Daddy horny Michael.

Wanting to have sex makes you a slut? What is this shit? And does your friend know this woman or is she just making assumptions?

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

OK, this isn't entirely on-topic but I'll post it anyway. I've been texting back and forth - and we've made a few phone calls to one another - with this girl from PlentyOfFish. She seems cool and she's fairly local, too, about a five minute bus ride away. We've been talking for just over a month now and, honestly, I've quite enjoyed it. The thing is, as much as I've enjoyed it, she's come across a little...forward. By that, I mean she's already laid out her plans for the future and what she'd like and expect from me if we ever get in to a relationship. I'm talking children and marriage here, not just the usual 'I want a guy who will take me for me...' stuff. This is proper full-on life commitment talk here. It honestly freaked me out when she bought it up, especially as she three children already - and she's only 23.

Now, I did mention to her at the time that I thought it was a little bit forward to be admitting to a stranger that you want children with them and want to get married to them. I have to emphasise that she did state, in one of her texts, that it's me specifically she wants this with. I mean, I guess I should be flattered that someone wants that with me but, really, after such a short time? It's borderline psycho and seems kind of bunny boilery, if that makes sense. After telling her that, we did argue a bit (which also struck me as odd, not even together - we barely know each other - and we're arguing already) and, really, it's never really stopped since then.

My question to you is this; what do I do? On the one hand, I really do quite like her. She's a looker, she seems adventurous, she's funny and she seems smart. We also have a load in common which would work wonders if we do go anywhere. On the other hand, however, she's just pure crazy. I mean, yeah, I would like to settle down with a family but after a month of knowing each other? Am I wrong for not wanting to go along with that? No, I don't think so, it's all about personal preference. If she likes me, fine, but she doesn't need to tell me, right? I'm kind of swaying toward the 'Steer Clear' router, purely because a relationship could never work with so much arguing, and this comes from experience.

What do I do, GAF?

She has 3 kids at 23? Stay far far away.

 

[Count Dookkake]

Never let a friend talk you out of an ethical sexual experience.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

Here are the texts I showed my friend the woman from OkCupid sent me:





I messaged the woman back after the responses in this thread. I should have just gone with my first thoughts.

Wow! Those messages aren't even sexually explicit at all. You're friend is super judgmental if she's calling someone a slut from that. Nothing in there is really all that unusual or even racy. Very tame from my experience. I've had far more explicit from women I barely knew.

 

[Loona]

Hahaha, "you're sooo cool."

Spoiler

It was that scene right? I think it was that scene.

Not sure, really, the deeds stuck in my mind more than the words and it's been a few years since I last watched it.

 

[Man]

My gf told me this after work today:
"You know what... today some youjif or whatever page came up when I was searching for youtube on your iPad. It's a porn site for mobile."
"Now you know some more."
"I'm not sure how I feel about that." (Look was a half-smile, half-judging look).

That was pretty much the talk. We were both in a good mood, casually enjoying a movie and talking about other things. We've been dating since February (living together for the last few months) but it's the first time such a thing came up. No problem it seems.

 

[Femmeworth]

If you want to post or pm me deets, I can. Of course I don't hold my own advice in that high of regard, but the good thing about asking people is a broad range of perspectives and the kinds of people they have dealt with personally. What worked for them and what didn't. Then catering that info to your current situation.

I guess my main problem right now is I don't know when/how to initiate physical contact. I need (maybe too much) physical intimacy to feel close to someone and she is rather unengaging on that front thus far. Maybe she is holding back or wants me to be the instigator. She could even think I don't like physical contact that much. Communication is another issue, since we are both on the introverted side. We have had three dates in the span of 1.3 weeks with more already set up. Maybe I'm just impatient.

 

[Mr.Swag]

I guess my main problem right now is I don't know when/how to initiate physical contact. I need (maybe too much) physical intimacy to feel close to someone and she is rather unengaging on that front thus far. Maybe she is holding back or wants me to be the instigator. She could even think I don't like physical contact that much. Communication is another issue, since we are both on the introverted side. We have had three dates in the span of 1.3 weeks with more already set up. Maybe I'm just impatient.

Some girls are brought up thinking that they can't make the first move.
I say just go for it. If she's gone on 3 dates with you, she's interested.
Just find a right moment.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

I guess my main problem right now is I don't know when/how to initiate physical contact. I need (maybe too much) physical intimacy to feel close to someone and she is rather unengaging on that front thus far. Maybe she is holding back or wants me to be the instigator. She could even think I don't like physical contact that much. Communication is another issue, since we are both on the introverted side. We have had three dates in the span of 1.3 weeks with more already set up. Maybe I'm just impatient.

Naw, just go for it then. Since she likes you, (obviously by setting up other dates), just go for it.

 

[Symphonia]

She has 3 kids at 23? Stay far far away.

Mhm.

Spoiler

Each kid with a different father, too. Meaning I'd be father number four for her fourth child.

The more I talk about it, the more obvious what I should be doing.

 

[omgkitty]

Mhm.

Spoiler

Each kid with a different father, too. Meaning I'd be father number four for her fourth child.

The more I talk about it, the more obvious what I should be doing.

She's got 3 kids with 3 different fathers and she's 23????

 

[TylerD]

I met a girl on OKC after having a pretty blank profile open for about 12 hrs. Had an amazing first date, super compatible. We have been hanging out pretty much all week and tonight I meet her friends so they can see that I am not a douchebag and get thier approval. She ignored friend's advice previously and ended up with what she and they called douchebags.

She totally digs me and the feeling is mutual. A little scary to be honest how fast this is all happening but it feels very right. I haven't dated in years and I have never been so comfortable talking to someone else right off the bat. My last long-term relationship didn't start off this well.

edit: She mentioned that she wanted to take things slow but I did kiss at the end of the first date. In my mind, i absolutely had to let her know that I was interested. I got a text after I got home saying that she was glad I did that.

 

[Symphonia]

She's got 3 kids with 3 different fathers and she's 23?

Yeah, I know it sounds bad, especially when you add together everything I've already told you. But then I read this...

I met a girl on OKC after having a pretty blank profile open for about 12 hrs. Had an amazing first date, super compatible. We have been hanging out pretty much all week and tonight I meet her friends so they can see that I am not a douchebag and get thier approval. She ignored friend's advice previously and ended up with what she and they called douchebags.

She totally digs me and the feeling is mutual. A little scary to be honest how fast this is all happening but it feels very right. I haven't dated in years.

...and it makes me wonder, should I at least meet up with her in person before putting the final nail in the coffin? I mean, we could meet up and I discover she's nowhere near as psycho as I thought and we actually get along really well. On the other hand, we could meet up and she could knock me out and tie me up in her basement and force me to mate with her so she can have more children.

I don't know, man. It's just a really fucked up situation.

 

[Devolution]

I guess my main problem right now is I don't know when/how to initiate physical contact. I need (maybe too much) physical intimacy to feel close to someone and she is rather unengaging on that front thus far. Maybe she is holding back or wants me to be the instigator. She could even think I don't like physical contact that much. Communication is another issue, since we are both on the introverted side. We have had three dates in the span of 1.3 weeks with more already set up. Maybe I'm just impatient.

There's rarely a perfect moment. If a person actually likes you any kiss is a good kiss.

 

[Mr.Swag]

What part of 3 kids from different fathers at 23 doesn't scare you?
Because there's about 4 things in that sentence that are deal breakers.

 

[Femmeworth]

There's rarely a perfect moment. If a person actually likes you any kiss is a good kiss.

It's not just kissing. We haven't even hugged yet, however we did hold hands at one point during our second date.

 

[Minamu]

About the kids: Yeah just don't.

 

[Mr.Swag]

It's not just kissing. We haven't even hugged yet, however we did hold hands at one point during our second date.

Sounds like you're waiting for her to do something.
Don't.
Most likely she's waiting for you.

 

[Samara]

aw yes. Finally broke it off with this guy. I had to wait 3 weeks cause I got a minor stroke

More importantly, he came to see me during my sickness. I was having difficulty opening the car door cause I was so weak, he just looked at me from the other side of the car...did nothing. All 4 times I got out. My mom was moving some furniture, my nephew and a friend commented how rude it was for him not to even offer help, he just sat there.

I drove to his place, got him to sit and didnt beat around the bush. I cant be the one giving the most in this relationship, I was expecting better. Good luck. Bye!

Went for some Ben and Jerrys just to celebrate. Man, this feels so good. I'm free of this loser.

 

[Symphonia]

What part of 3 kids from different fathers at 23 doesn't scare you? Because there's about 4 things in that sentence that are deal breakers.

Care to explain what parts?

About the kids: Yeah just don't.

It would be somewhat hypocritical of me to not want to get with her because of her children, as I have a child myself.

 

[Mr.Swag]

Care to explain what parts?


It would be somewhat hypocritical of me to not want to get with her because of her children, as I have a child myself.

It was hyperbole, but the big deal breaker is the different fathers part.
I understand having one kid and being a single parent, but having that happen 3 times in a row at age 23 is a no

 

[Devolution]

It's not just kissing. We haven't even hugged yet, however we did hold hands at one point during our second date.

Hug and kiss at the same time.

 

[Visceir]

Hug and kiss at the same time.

Then move your hand lower and go for that ass grab.

 

[Symphonia]

It was hyperbole, but the big deal breaker is the different fathers part. I understand having one kid and being a single parent, but having that happen 3 times in a row at age 23 is a no

It's not that uncommon. I mean, I've had break-ups before. She just happened to have three break ups.

With three different men.

Each of whom she has a child with.

Yep.

 

[Lone_Prodigy]

Mhm.

Spoiler

Each kid with a different father, too. Meaning I'd be father number four for her fourth child.

The more I talk about it, the more obvious what I should be doing.

I was giving her the benefit of the doubt (one father maybe?) but 3 kids and 3 fathers probably means she sold them all the same story (they're the one, happily ever after).

You said she's good looking and adventurous, so it's not a stretch to imagine how she got 3 kids. Not saying you're gullible, but just consider how persuasive she could be if you actually met up.

 

[NeOak]

Wait, she has 3 kids?

She's shopping for a dad to them!

You could at least meet her. As long as you don't have sex with her you should be in the clear.

 

[youngwerther]

If you wait out to long because of a project, she maybe thinks you have no real interest or is wondering why you aren't more forward. If she's that pretty then other guys are going to try it. You have the best possible situation you could get.

General "advise" is to be funny. Not forcefully. Beeing funny is nothing everybody can be or become in a short time but it's really one of the things most of the nice/pretty girls i know tell me they like on men (including my gf) besides look.

Maybe she knows what's up, maybe she doesn't. She very well could be noticing that you're interested in her. But she's not a mind reader. She's not necessarily going to come to the conclusion that you're not asking her out because you're waiting to clear your schoolwork.

So one possibility is you ask her out right now. Make you intentions clear about her but tell her you don't want to jeopardize your schoolwork. Schedule your first date for later in the semester. If there's a mutual attraction there, the anticipation can be a delicious thing.

So I met up with her.

One could have floated a cinderblock on the sexual tension. I was actually getting nervous being there with her; she is MAD hot and the way she looks at me makes my stomach do flips. We didn't get any work done, she invited me to a party at her house.

I don't know if I can handle this kind of girl. She is going on and on about parties, I'm the kind of guy who sits at home reading young werther.
I feel like if I go to her party we are going to have sex. I don't know what I'd do. For some reason she is highly interested in me, but I don't think I have the balls to deal with a chick like this.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

So I met up with her.

One could have floated a cinderblock on the sexual tension. I was actually getting nervous being there with her; she is MAD hot and the way she looks at me makes my stomach do flips. We didn't get any work done, she invited me to a party at her house.

I don't know if I can handle this kind of girl. She is going on and on about parties, I'm the kind of guy who sits at home reading young werther.
I feel like if I go to her party we are going to have sex. I don't know what I'd do. For some reason she is highly interested in me, but I don't think I have the balls to deal with a chick like this.

Go for it man.

 

[Symphonia]

Wait, she has 3 kids?

She's shopping for a dad to them!

You could at least meet her. As long as you don't have sex with her you should be in the clear.

But that's the thing, how can we be sure she is actually looking for someone to play dad to her kids? We can't. This is just us assuming the worst of her because of her situation. I mean, we don't know how and why her relationships broke down, what the fathers are or were like (bar one, I hear he's a total scumbag, and that's from people other than this girl) and, until we meet in person, we have no way to tell what she actually wants. She says she wants me now but until we meet, how can anyone be sure that's what she truly wants?

 

[NeOak]

But that's the thing, how can we be sure she is actually looking for someone to play dad to her kids? We can't. This is just us assuming the worst of her because of her situation. I mean, we don't know how and why her relationships broke down, what the fathers are or were like (bar one, I hear he's a total scumbag, and that's from people other than this girl) and, until we meet in person, we have no way to tell what she actually wants. She says she wants me now but until we meet, how can anyone be sure that's what she truly wants?

Yes, that is why you could at least meet her

 

[Symphonia]

Yes, that is why you could at least meet her

Yeah, which is why I said until I meet her.

 

[NeOak]

Yeah, which is why I said until I meet her.

Then go. We need more information anyway lol.

 

[Sub_Level]

There's this front desk girl at this school that I want to ask out but I'm rarely in a position where we are alone. Any tips? Should I make small talk to her for a few weeks and then ask her out, or is it better to instantly just ask her if she would like to go out?

edit: And I have her number from work things but it really seems like something I should do in person but I dunno.

 

[beat]

So I met up with her.

One could have floated a cinderblock on the sexual tension. I was actually getting nervous being there with her; she is MAD hot and the way she looks at me makes my stomach do flips. We didn't get any work done, she invited me to a party at her house.

I don't know if I can handle this kind of girl. She is going on and on about parties, I'm the kind of guy who sits at home reading young werther.
I feel like if I go to her party we are going to have sex. I don't know what I'd do. For some reason she is highly interested in me, but I don't think I have the balls to deal with a chick like this.

Youth is wasted on the young.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

So I met up with her.

One could have floated a cinderblock on the sexual tension. I was actually getting nervous being there with her; she is MAD hot and the way she looks at me makes my stomach do flips. We didn't get any work done, she invited me to a party at her house.

I don't know if I can handle this kind of girl. She is going on and on about parties, I'm the kind of guy who sits at home reading young werther.
I feel like if I go to her party we are going to have sex. I don't know what I'd do. For some reason she is highly interested in me, but I don't think I have the balls to deal with a chick like this.

Youth is wasted on the young.

Pretty much what I was thinking.

Seriously youngwerther, go to the party and see what happens. You'll regret it later if you don't and you may get some valuable experience out it. This shouldn't even be a question.

 

[electricshake]

Had a guy hit on me for the first time in forever tonight. But he's 17 years older than me. Took his number mainly to shut him up (was at a family party, couldn't really tell him to fuck off). My self esteem is in the shitter right now so I suppose it's nice that someone finds me attractive but I guess I'd like it to be someone who I'm at least vaguely interested in.

 

[spuckthew]

Been chatting to someone on OkCupid over the past few days and got her number pretty effortlessly earlier. This girl seems more adventurous and more emotionally stable than the Jewish chick, plus she's the same age as me. Her profile is almost empty, though, so the only stuff I know about her is what we've talked about in our conversations.

Anyway, I want to to ask her if she's free tomorrow evening, but I might be pushing my luck at such short notice...which may give off a weird signal. I haven't the foggiest what she's into in terms of first dates: I don't know whether she'd mind just going to a pub/bar and chatting over a couple of drinks, or whether she'd prefer to do something more 'exciting' considering what I mentioned about her. Obviously the only way to find out is to ask, but I need a good way of going about it. (I'm seriously over-thinking this, haha). I mean, if she says she is free tomorrow evening I guess the bar/pub idea is a nobrainer... Hmm.

 

[stn]

Don't worry about what she wants or what her ideal first date is. Make the plan and invite her. Good luck.

 

[Femmeworth]

Hug and kiss at the same time.

I have this mental image of me going in for a hug and botching it up.

 

[Out of Working Order]

I told somebody I am looking for a woman, and they said "what - a thai bride?"

Does this sound like an insult to anyone else?

 

[Minamu]

Had a guy hit on me for the first time in forever tonight. But he's 17 years older than me. Took his number mainly to shut him up (was at a family party, couldn't really tell him to fuck off). My self esteem is in the shitter right now so I suppose it's nice that someone finds me attractive but I guess I'd like it to be someone who I'm at least vaguely interested in.

I'm sorry you feel that way but I must say that I like these kinds of posts from the women in here. The line of thinking behind taking his number and such can be such eye openers. So that part is appreciated at least even though I feel your pain too. Was the age difference that important or was he a creep/annoying as well in some fashion?

I told somebody I am looking for a woman, and they said "what - a thai bride?"

Does this sound like an insult to anyone else?

Potentially very much so. Context? Tone of voice etc. OTOH, you can always choose not to take offence, you rarely gain anything by it anyway.

 

[Devolution]

I have this mental image of me going in for a hug and botching it up.

There's no botching a hug up unless someone thinks your gross to begin with.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

OK girl-age. I'll probably regret putting myself out here like this, but here goes:

This is a bit embarrassing to admit but I used to be very shy and used to think very badly about my looks, so I haven't really had any dating experience (I really wasted my high school and undergrad years). You can probably tell from this post, lol. After some confidence-boosting flirting with two different girls at a conference I went to a month ago, I decided I was ready to change this. So far I haven't really done much differently, but have at least been more on the look-out for opportunities. Once I started looking for it I started realizing that more girls than I previously thought seem to show some interest. If a girl I randomly pass meets my gaze and gives me a wonderful smile (which is not very common but still) it makes my day.

Anyway, when going home on the bus a week ago I saw a really pretty girl, way out of my league and probably a few years younger. This sounds really corny, but our gazes met and I noticed immediately that she seemed interested for some reason. She answered my smiles and we did a lot of shy smiles to each other across the aisle of the bus. I told myself I should make a move, because she seemed to show a lot of interest and seemed intent on getting me to notice this and her smile was making things happen in my stomach. Of course, stupid me didn't do anything other than keep up the flirty gazes and then she suddenly got off at her stop. We shared a last smile through the window and I was really happy for five minutes, until I started hating myself for missing such an opportunity.

Anyway fast-forward a bit over a week. I've been crazy busy at work and therefore had far too little sleep, not shaved for several days and my apartment is a mess. I've felt a bit like a zombie because of lack of sleep and I probably look like a mess. So, when I go home tonight after working far too late I see this girl again and she starts showing interest again. I feel torn because I'm tired and look like shit but I don't want to miss this second chance. Unfortunately, the seat beside her quickly gets occupied and I'm too much of a pussy to ask that person to move aside so I can get a chance to talk to her. Anyway, I'm ready for when she getting off, and I just decide fuck it let's do it. I don't care if I come off as desperate, I don't care that I look like shit. She still smiled at me, so it can't have been to bad right?

I get off too, my stop is just five minutes walk away anyway so if it goes to hell, I'm not really losing anything and I'm getting a learing experience. But realize, when it comes to flirting with girls I'm a real wuss (this is probably the reason for my having had so little success before) so I'm really going out of my comfort zone here. So, outside, I maybe come off as a bit desperate, as I go straight to the point, but at least I try to have an air of confidence. Small talk would just come off as forced, and as I'm not feeling at the top of my game I don't want to spend too much time during which I can fuck up or she can realize that I'm quite nervous and look like shit today. So I just ask her, straight on, "can I have your number"? She says I can, and I ask her name (yes, asking for the number was literally the first thing I did, even before her name). So, I say we should meet for a coffee and then I turn and leave.

So I have her number now. I suck at this stuff. What do I do and when? How desperate and weird did I come off. Am I getting robbed?

Dear livejournal, etc. etc. Commence the mocking.

Spoiler

God I hope she doesn't have a GAF account lol

 

[Liu Kang Baking A Pie]

I have this mental image of me going in for a hug and botching it up.

So what? Play off how awkward it is.

So much of what you say is from the "I have to play the game perfectly to sustain a connection" instead of "I'm just going to do whatever the fuck I want, and if this person's not down with it, we weren't going to work anyway." You're thinking you have to trick people into liking you. Get out of that.

 

[Sub_Level]

So what? Play off how awkward it is.

So much of what you say is from the "I have to play the game perfectly to sustain a connection" instead of "I'm just going to do whatever the fuck I want, and if this person's not down with it, we weren't going to work anyway." You're thinking you have to trick people into liking you. Get out of that.

I never thought about it that way, that's pretty good advice.

 

[kai3345]

ugh i know its supposed to be like mad easy to meet girls in college but im having the worst time. Whenever im not in class im at work and so I feel like I have barely any time to be social. Anybody in College-Job-GAF got any tips for meeting some ladies?

 

[Mr.Swag]

ugh i know its supposed to be like mad easy to meet girls in college but im having the worst time. Whenever im not in class im at work and so I feel like I have barely any time to be social. Anybody in College-Job-GAF got any tips for meeting some ladies?

I am college and work, and basically... You find em at work and at college. :/
We are kind of in the perfect places to find em.

 

[kai3345]

I am college and work, and basically... You find em at work and at college. :/
We are kind of in the perfect places to find em.

Before I worked I typically met people at parties, which i rarely ever go to anymore due to work.

And all of my classes are either mostly dudes or held in giant auditoriums where no one sits in the same spot twice.

 

[Mr.Swag]

Before I worked I typically met people at parties, which i rarely ever go to anymore due to work.

And all of my classes are either mostly dudes or held in giant auditoriums where no one sits in the same spot twice.

I avoid parties because they are a waste of money, and the females at the parties I usually go to... Well not really want I want anymore.


I feel you on that school thing tho. I go to a smaller school than I used to, so I have 20-25 ppl classrooms and I've met some girls. But when I went to a larger school I didn't even communicate with a single person

 

[Femmeworth]

So what? Play off how awkward it is.

So much of what you say is from the "I have to play the game perfectly to sustain a connection" instead of "I'm just going to do whatever the fuck I want, and if this person's not down with it, we weren't going to work anyway." You're thinking you have to trick people into liking you. Get out of that.

I understand that, but the voice in the back of my head reminds me that I don't have that many opportunities. :\