The Artful Dodger
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You did the right thing.
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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You did the right thing.
Sure, I can understand that. Social awareness is sometimes more important of course. But since I don't like girls who want to be chased by men, and might even only be in it for the attention and validation, that kind of behavior is a deal breaker for me. Any girl in my book who demands and/or expects me to buy her drinks or pay for a date will be denied any future romance. I don't want to pay for affection or sex, which you would be doing technically in a way, and I don't understand why girls would want that either. It's one thing if she has lost her credit card or whatever, that's fine, I'd be a gentleman any day in that case, but if I only have a shot at someone if I pay for her expenses, I might as well just up and leave right there. That's just not my kind of woman, and luckily I haven't attracted anyone like that so far
I think that mindset in girls and it being a backwater tradition is the causes for it still being an issue.Sidenote: Had a chance for two women in two nights tonight, and maybe three in three nights tomorrow, but she had to leave right in the middle of the afterparty
Safe bets even if decided when sober are never safe bets it would seem. Streak denied in its infancy xDUncle0wnage
Member
Hell, the girl just texted me saying she isn't interested in a relationship, I did not see this coming, oh well. :/
ThisWreckage
Banned
Why would I do such a thing when I'm content with my life? I was just sharing my position in life. I didn't realize that this was an issue given the swath of advice seekers and the downtrodden in this thread. Not to say that there aren't success stories within the confines of this thread, but there are many walks of life. Failure is not something I shrink from. I accept it and move on.
Maybe she only wants casual fun?
I wish the girls I go on dates with were more like the girls on GAF.
Ghost_Protocol
Member
So I was at a bar with a group of my friends and a girl I'm 'kinda' seeing..its early days.. but anyway, I walked her home and it was freezing (MN weather) so we hugged all the way home. Well I went to kiss her goodnight and we ended making out in the hallway for 20 minutes. The thing is though, she kept stopping kissing just to smile at me. It made me feel amazing, and the next day she initiated a text conversation for the first tine in our relationship, asking me to lunch. Feels good, man
The Artful Dodger
Member
So I was at a bar with a group of my friends and a girl I'm 'kinda' seeing..its early days.. but anyway, I walked her home and it was freezing (MN weather) so we hugged all the way home. Well I went to kiss her goodnight and we ended making out in the hallway for 20 minutes. The thing is though, she kept stopping kissing just to smile at me. It made me feel amazing, and the next day she initiated a text conversation for the first tine in our relationship, asking me to lunch. Feels good, man
Take your happiness elsewhere! This thread isn't for that!
Just kidding. Congrats.
Congratz!So I was at a bar with a group of my friends and a girl I'm 'kinda' seeing..its early days.. but anyway, I walked her home and it was freezing (MN weather) so we hugged all the way home. Well I went to kiss her goodnight and we ended making out in the hallway for 20 minutes. The thing is though, she kept stopping kissing just to smile at me. It made me feel amazing, and the next day she initiated a text conversation for the first tine in our relationship, asking me to lunch. Feels good, man
Maybe she wanted to take you home or go to your place? I hope you went to that lunch!I never had one to begin with!
PsihoPerihelion
Member
I know that feel bro. This gal told me she didn't wanted a relationship because she just broke up with someone 2 months ago. She said maybe in the future something could come along, but for now she doesn't want to change what we have. Funny thing is that she told me she has never felt more comfortable with someone like she does with me, and that's the exact same thing I was going to say to her. We still hang around but maybe I misunderstood things and every sign of she being interested on me to have something was false. In any case, I'm really happy to go to the movies and have lunch with her, among a dozen of other things. I only go out with her and she with me, so I've been best-friendzoned or if some miracle ever happen we will have something in the future, lol.
It didn't felt that bad when she said it and in fact, we are now even more close than ever before and I feel great. That's my story, SingleGAF.
Will they share all of your classes for the rest of your program, or is it just this semester?
The latter. So I guess I know what your answer is.
I don't know. I've just generally steered clear of getting involved with classmates. But as a result, I don't really have any anecdotal evidence that doing that is ever overtly uncomfortable in case it doesn't work out/I get shot down.
I mean, any time you ask a girl out you're risking things will be awkward afterwards. That's just a given. And you probably don't have to actually sit next to her every day so it should be fine.
As someone who has done it, sure, it can become awkward if it doesn't work out. But what's worse: mild awkwardness for the rest of this semester, or not taking a chance on a potential long-term relationship (assuming that's what you're looking for)?
The Artful Dodger
Member
Just ask her out. So what if it's awkward? It's better than sitting around feeling regret over not taking risks. Take a chance.
level_e11even
Banned
So I was at a bar with a group of my friends and a girl I'm 'kinda' seeing..its early days.. but anyway, I walked her home and it was freezing (MN weather) so we hugged all the way home. Well I went to kiss her goodnight and we ended making out in the hallway for 20 minutes. The thing is though, she kept stopping kissing just to smile at me. It made me feel amazing, and the next day she initiated a text conversation for the first tine in our relationship, asking me to lunch. Feels good, man
I had that once, a few years back. It does feel great, kind of like they can't believe they are kissing you or something. Your ego becomes gigantic afterward, I know the feels. Congrats bro, enjoy!
I'm going through a similar thing myself man. It's better to give it a shot than wonder what could've been at the end of the semester. Nothing worse than having regret not done something; in this case asked a girl or two out from each of your classes. Deep breath, be cool about it, and everything should be fine. Regardless of the outcome, you'll feel proud of yourself for having done it.
The Artful Dodger
Member
You're wrong, Obviously, I know more about you than you. You will be haunted all your life by this one decision.
Nah, just kiddin' man! Either way is cool, I'm just trying to say it's better to take a shot at something than to not do it.
Best of luck!
level_e11even
Banned
I disagree. If you're going out on date you already know enough about the person to meet them personally. You are already attracted to the person. There's no pretense anymore. You're there to get to know them, not to become attracted.
So, if AB equals kiss, then physical attraction is A and personality attraction is B. The word "date" already guarantees A.
Point is, the mental debate that goes in guys' heads whether they should kiss or not, should NOT be based on whether the girl would even accept a kiss, but whether or not chemistry was felt throughout the date. If there was chemistry, the you automatically get the remaining B. Problem arises when guys think to themselves they might not have A to pull a kiss off, EVEN if the date went very well (B). That's a mistake. The only thing that could change these variables, is if the girl shows signs of taking things slow. Other than that, most are fine.
It if was the very first time you met, then that's different. A "date" implies you've scheduled a set time to meet. If you had met before, and scheduled to meet, the fact she agreed should tell you she likes what she sees (A). And don't be surprised now, because electricshake is actually agreeing with me:
That's every kind of girl. Mind-blowing? Not really. Problem is, a lot of them aren't as forthcoming and just wait for guys to make the move themselves, and they don't. Just a tip for next time.
So this girl I'm seeing is pretty much perfect. The only thing that's bugging me about her is that she takes FOREVER to reply to texts, and I always have to initiate our text conversations. Like, I'll tell her about a band she should listen to, then we exchange like 2 or 3 texts, then boom, nothing for 4 straight days. I get that some people aren't big texters, but I dunno, if I like a person I like telling them about my day and hearing about theirs. Banter can also be quite fun.
So today I asked her how she was doing after days of radio silence, and she replied like 12 hours later saying she was good, and asked if I wanted to hang out sometime this week. I said sure and asked her what days she'd be available. I sent that about 5 hours ago and she still hasn't responded. I know people will say she's fading or whatever, but she's been like this from the very beginning. With others girls I've dated, our text threads would be pages and pages long. I'm still only on one page with this girl and we've known each other for a month. I am still texting other girls because I love bullshitting with people about movies and life and shit. I feel kind of guilty because I know I should be more focused on this girl, but her texting habits are a total buzzkill. So, should I bring this up when we next see each other? I don't want to come across as a WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHERE ARE YOU clinger, but I think if we communicated more I'd be more committed to whatever it is we're doing. I also think if I bring it up she'll feel like I'm putting pressure on her to talk more which will make it feel forced. I'm really conflicted about this. It feels so minor but big at the same time.
So today I asked her how she was doing after days of radio silence, and she replied like 12 hours later saying she was good, and asked if I wanted to hang out sometime this week. I said sure and asked her what days she'd be available. I sent that about 5 hours ago and she still hasn't responded. I know people will say she's fading or whatever, but she's been like this from the very beginning. With others girls I've dated, our text threads would be pages and pages long. I'm still only on one page with this girl and we've known each other for a month. I am still texting other girls because I love bullshitting with people about movies and life and shit. I feel kind of guilty because I know I should be more focused on this girl, but her texting habits are a total buzzkill. So, should I bring this up when we next see each other? I don't want to come across as a WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHERE ARE YOU clinger, but I think if we communicated more I'd be more committed to whatever it is we're doing. I also think if I bring it up she'll feel like I'm putting pressure on her to talk more which will make it feel forced. I'm really conflicted about this. It feels so minor but big at the same time.
PsihoPerihelion
Member
lol, I've always asked myself if that "initiate conversation" thing means anything. I never initiate conversations on chat or text with this gal. It's always her, even when she knows I'm at class she send me messages. Even when I'm fucking sleeping she does it. Does that really mean something or it's just reading too much into it?
I only text her every 3 or 4 days so I'm not constantly trying to have a conversation with her. I think initiating shows that you're interested in a person, as does responding in a somewhat timely manner. In my experience if a girl initiates texting a lot she's clearly interested, and if she's not then she's fading. That doesn't seem to be the case with this girl and I have no idea how to read her.
Perfect lol. Sounds like you've fallen head over heels for her. I personally don't think there's such thing as the perfect woman.
To the bold, you're not in an exclusive relationship with her so I don't see why you're feeling guilty. You're dating other women no doubt as I've read so you should go about your life, do your thing and give her space. It sounds like she's incredibly busy given that it's the weekend and she's probably out with her friends. Given that she's still interested and re-initiates contact with you, I don't think it should bother you. If you make it an issue, it will be an issue. Besides, if she knows that the communication has been somewhat frigid, she'll apologize and explain why at some point if she likes you a lot.
I understand what you're going through having been in a similar situation last week where the interest completely fizzled as soon as I got a woman's number from OKC. I erased the number, thread of texts, and moved on. I don't have time to be chasing after women when I have better things to do with my time.
Given that she told you that she recently got out of a serious relationship and that she more or less wants a platonic relationship, I'll chalk it up to the fact that she likes you a lot. However, thinking about my brother's strictly platonic relationship with a female friend, she loves contacting him out of the blue to invite him to parties and talk about crap for an hour or two. The above behavior sounds similar to that.
PsihoPerihelion
Member
That's why I'm asking. Do you know if she's constantly working/studying or anything that keeps her really busy? For example, this gal I talk about is almost always home because she is going to college next year to study Videogames Design or something, so she left her current career and has almost nothing to do but to keep an eye on her online store and other random stuff. When she's not texting me, she's either playing League of Legends or with me. Rarely she goes out with her family and she never hang out with other people but me.
Yesterday she went to a family reunion and didn't sent any message, so I knew she wasn't texting because she was busy. No big deal. I was busy too.
I don't know. I would say you should keep a normal flow without becoming a pain in the ass. Give her some time to breath or she will think you're kind of desperate (I'm not saying you are!)
On the other hand, I suck at reading what women really want, so maybe you should ask EviLore.
I see. I don't think is something out of the blue or anything. It's more of an everyday thing. We started seeing each other once a week and now we hangout twice a week. We started being very distant and now we are absolutely close. She puts her head on my lap or shoulder, she starts bitting my hands with a warm, cute face while I'm playing on my PSP (we both love to play Locoroco together) She touches my belly in a funny way and so do I. That and a lot of really cute stuff. Maybe for many it sounds like regular shit you did with friends, but is not for me and it has never been. I know for a fact that is not regular for her either. Maybe I'm reading way too much on what we do, but that's how it is.
We don't talk for an hour or two. We talk a lot. We play online together sometimes and when we go out for lunch or anything, is a 5 to 6 hours affair.
The other day I was on class and she texted me saying "look out the window. I'm waiting." I thought she was joking, but there she was. She told me to escape out of class to lunch with her, and I did.
Gee whiz, GAF. This gal is a fucking keepr and I can't see myself doing the same things I do with her with someone else. I've been on dates and relationships but I've never felt so comfortable like I do with her. Don't get me wrong. I am not in love like that weird guy that made a thread the other day (no offense, weird guy) That would be kinda creepy tbh, considering we just know each other for a month a half.
Sorry about the long-ass post. It's the kind of thing that is really hard to explain just with words.
Rodney McKay
Member
Just wanted to share my first ever solo club experience that went surprisingly well. I rarely ever go to clubs or fancy bars even with friends, so I really had to fight against the impulse of feeling stupid and/or awkward.
I went to two clubs that were in the same building, but both of them were packed since it was the Halloween costume contest night, so I left there instead of waiting in a huge line and nearly went home, but decided to try out one more place (I took the effort to drive out, I might as well at least get a drink!).
Walked around the bar area a few times and saw a gorgeous woman who didn't seem to be with a guy. A fight/bouncer dispute happened nearby and I tapped her on the shoulder and asked her if she knew what had happened. We struck up a conversation and I ended up getting her number!
I've rarely ever done something like this, but it felt good to get out. Fingers crossed that I'll get to see her again soon!
I went to two clubs that were in the same building, but both of them were packed since it was the Halloween costume contest night, so I left there instead of waiting in a huge line and nearly went home, but decided to try out one more place (I took the effort to drive out, I might as well at least get a drink!).
Walked around the bar area a few times and saw a gorgeous woman who didn't seem to be with a guy. A fight/bouncer dispute happened nearby and I tapped her on the shoulder and asked her if she knew what had happened. We struck up a conversation and I ended up getting her number!
I've rarely ever done something like this, but it felt good to get out. Fingers crossed that I'll get to see her again soon!
chicko1983
Member
Was out on Friday night with some friends and then late in the evening only myself and one other mate.
He went missing and I was at the bar and saw a group of three women having a drink and laughing.
I thought fuck it, and went over and introduced myself. Told them I was waiting for my friend who had gone outside the bar for a smoke and didnt want to look like a loser at the bar by myself.
Now, I was pretty drunk and cant remember a lot of what we talked about. But I do remember keeping them entertained and also they were laughing about a lot of what I was saying. I ended up chatting to them for about an hour or so (a couple of drinks worth).
I told them I was leaving and thanked them for having a good conversation. As I was about to leave one of them asked for my number. However, she said "can I get your number?" and then as the two other girls laughed she added "its for a friend of mine. I'll get your number for a friend of mine. You dont mind if I give it someone else?". I gave her my number and said she can do whatever she wants with it.
I was drunk and not thinking and so did not ask for her number. Plus I was a little surprised that she asked for mine, never had a girl ask for my number, its always been the other way around.
So what do you think GAF - will she call or will her "friend" call or will noone call?
Thinking about it today (no doubt over thinking it) she did not say the "friend's" name which I thought she would have considering her friends should have known this "friend". So I think (hope) she will call. Hope, because I was keen on her the most out of the three.
He went missing and I was at the bar and saw a group of three women having a drink and laughing.
I thought fuck it, and went over and introduced myself. Told them I was waiting for my friend who had gone outside the bar for a smoke and didnt want to look like a loser at the bar by myself.
Now, I was pretty drunk and cant remember a lot of what we talked about. But I do remember keeping them entertained and also they were laughing about a lot of what I was saying. I ended up chatting to them for about an hour or so (a couple of drinks worth).
I told them I was leaving and thanked them for having a good conversation. As I was about to leave one of them asked for my number. However, she said "can I get your number?" and then as the two other girls laughed she added "its for a friend of mine. I'll get your number for a friend of mine. You dont mind if I give it someone else?". I gave her my number and said she can do whatever she wants with it.
I was drunk and not thinking and so did not ask for her number. Plus I was a little surprised that she asked for mine, never had a girl ask for my number, its always been the other way around.
So what do you think GAF - will she call or will her "friend" call or will noone call?
Thinking about it today (no doubt over thinking it) she did not say the "friend's" name which I thought she would have considering her friends should have known this "friend". So I think (hope) she will call. Hope, because I was keen on her the most out of the three.
chicko1983
Member
Good work mate. I was by myself in a bar the other day as well (read the post above) and went and approached three women who were talking amongst themselves.
I think the solo thing may actually be a good thing for myself. I'm actually pretty good at talking to women once the initial introduction is done. Its just that the approach is the hardest part I've found.
hydrophilic attack
Member
Ok, thanks! I'm pretty sure I'm good for another date with her, so I will definitely go for a kiss next time.
RazorbackDB
Member
Guys, how do you forget a girl you really like, and she also likes you but is happy with someone else atm. Looking for another girl is not an option right now, and i see her a lot so is getting hard to be around.
electricshake
Member
I disagree. If you're going out on date you already know enough about the person to meet them personally. You are already attracted to the person. There's no pretense anymore. You're there to get to know them, not to become attracted.
So, if AB equals kiss, then physical attraction is A and personality attraction is B. The word "date" already guarantees A.
Point is, the mental debate that goes in guys' heads whether they should kiss or not, should NOT be based on whether the girl would even accept a kiss, but whether or not chemistry was felt throughout the date. If there was chemistry, the you automatically get the remaining B. Problem arises when guys think to themselves they might not have A to pull a kiss off, EVEN if the date went very well (B). That's a mistake. The only thing that could change these variables, is if the girl shows signs of taking things slow. Other than that, most are fine.
It if was the very first time you met, then that's different. A "date" implies you've scheduled a set time to meet. If you had met before, and scheduled to meet, the fact she agreed should tell you she likes what she sees (A). And don't be surprised now, because electricshake is actually agreeing with me:
That's every kind of girl. Mind-blowing? Not really. Problem is, a lot of them aren't as forthcoming and just wait for guys to make the move themselves, and they don't. Just a tip for next time.
Well what about online dating? The first date is literally the first time you meet that person, so how can you know if you're attracted to them until you go on a date? Pictures don't necessarily do someone justice, and I'm sure there are plenty of people using old pics of themselves that don't represent how they look today. Or what about if you meet someone on a night out and you're drunk and then decide to go on a date after? Sometimes in the harsh light of day people aren't as attractive as they were when you had beer goggles on.
Also I don't think it's always possible to separate attraction into physical and personality attraction - they aren't necessarily discrete. For me most of the time it's the overall package that I'm attracted to, a combination of both looks and personality.
As for your last point, I'm not sure I understand. All girls are forward enough (or however you want to put it) to initiate the first kiss but a lot of them just wait for the guy to make the first move? If that were the case surely we wouldn't have posters in here saying they had good first dates but there wasn't a kiss at the end of it? If they are happy to make the first move then why don't they (assuming the date went well etc). To me it suggests that they aren't that forward. My point was just that if I'm on a date and I like the guy, and I think he likes me I'm not going to wait around, I'm going to fucking kiss him! But from other posters' experiences it seems like not all girls feel this way. Is your tip for me that I shouldn't be the one to initiate?
PsihoPerihelion
Member
No offense at all! Trust me. That thread is legendary and will always be. At least you have some GAF story to tell to your grandchildren
Cheers! You are one cool dude for not getting offended by my comment.So the girl I saw on Thursday hasn't called (at the end of the date she said we should do something again soon, afterwards I texted her I had a good time and she said she would call me for a second date). Sunday now and hasn't gotten back to me. Should I be worried? Would texting her now look bad? She said she has the day off tomorrow and I really do wanna hang out with someone.
Oh, and also I was wondering. Seems like she comes from a somewhat wealthy family (she says she lives in a huge house with just her dad, she has lots of traveling experience, she used to live in Orange County, etc), and I am not wealthy to say the least. I have about a two month budget buffer and I'm currently looking for work. I wonder if I should try to hide my financial situation from her for a while (i realize i'm getting ahead of myself)
My ex keeps calling, so tbh that's part of the reason I'm wanting to go out with this girl again, it would help me put her behind me.
Oh, and also I was wondering. Seems like she comes from a somewhat wealthy family (she says she lives in a huge house with just her dad, she has lots of traveling experience, she used to live in Orange County, etc), and I am not wealthy to say the least. I have about a two month budget buffer and I'm currently looking for work. I wonder if I should try to hide my financial situation from her for a while (i realize i'm getting ahead of myself
)My ex keeps calling, so tbh that's part of the reason I'm wanting to go out with this girl again, it would help me put her behind me.
ok i'm going to try texting her, better stop me soon if i shouldn't gaf.
stahp!
If she said she'd text you, then there's no reason not to wait. If she doesn't, then she probably doesn't care enough to do it anyway.. :\ Unless she's one of "those" girls who seek out attention with that passive aggressive game... in which case, screw that.
Think about it the other way man. If you went on a date and you really liked this girl/guy and you said you'd call them, wouldn't you actually do it? Like wouldn't it jump to the top of your to-do list for the week?
PsihoPerihelion
Member
She went with her ex to see a movie. That ex she hates so much and talks shit about him when she's with me. The ex that always says he's going to fuck her as soon as he sees her. Fuck them both.
stn
Member
This here. Girl spends time talking about another guy while with you? Yeah, its not going to work out. Sorry, bro. She likely used you as an emotional cushion.
PsihoPerihelion
Member
Find someone who will stand up for themselves.
I get your point, but at the same time do I have anything to lose by texting now? I don't see why texting her now would send her from interested to uninterested.
I get your point, but at the same time do I have anything to lose by texting now? I don't see why texting her now would send her from interested to uninterested.
Find a hobby.
Yup. Improve yourself. Best revenge really is living well. When I got dumped I found it really helped to go running, so I've been doing that a ton, and now I'll be in better shape and more attractive for next time.
stn
Member
Any girl who spends a date with you talking shit about her ex probably isn't worth it. Do you know what I do when this happens? I feign interest and then call the date off early, lol. Fuck that, who has time to be someone's emotional crutch.
PsihoPerihelion
Member
To be fair, it has been a minute of conversation about him like 2 or 3 times, but it still is something that bugs me. They broke up like a year ago or something (this is not the guy she broke up 2-3 months as I said before) Not only that, but her ex was a friend of mine.
I seriously don't know what to do. I feel great around her but I think she doesn't want a relationship because of her 2-years ex boyfriend that supposedly she can't get out of her mind.
I just wouldn't bother dude. If you guys are just friends you could ask "would you ever get back with them?" maybe.
If you want to take a chance you could just come out and tell her your feelings. Her reaction should be a pretty good indicator of what to do.
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