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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
- Start date
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Idk man. How often does someone meet a person they like that much right away? I haven't ever met someone like that.
It's a good question though. With that in mind, how is a person supposed to pick who they want to date? It seems like it takes more to make a good date than it takes to make a good relationship.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
You never met someone you found attractive that could make you laugh? Doesn't seem like that tough a standard really.
But as far as finding people to date there are a million ways to go about it. If all else fails okcupid. Though i think places like that are more for casual sex. Hang out with friends, and meet their friends. Build new relationships and things will just happen on their own.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Hey, that's not what you said before.
Have you? Keep in mind it has to happen before the date. I think it would be able to happen more frequently if the feelings were built over time.
Well that's another question entirely. My question was about if you're already meeting people, at what point do you say that there's someone among them that you'd want to date?
Before, I was thinking that dating sucks. Maybe it's the people I considered dating instead.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
I'd be willing to bet that anyone who has dated with any frequency would answer yes to that question. Most people that I have dated were someone that I met, got to know a little bit, thought they were attractive and interesting and then went on some dates to see if it would work out. Some times it did, sometimes it didn't. Just depends on chemistry. But clearly you have to have some level of attraction to someone before you go out on a date to see if things can go further.
How can anyone tell YOU when you'll find the right person to date? If you're meeting someone, you already have a leg up on a lot of people. Usually after you meet someone, you have to invest a little time to see if there is something more. Sometimes it builds over time. If you're saying that you're meeting lots of people, but you're not finding anyone interesting enough to want to date, I'd suggest that you are indeed meeting the wrong people. Maybe try different places or groups to meet others.
Yes. It's happened with the girl I'm seeing now. She's was a friend of a friend and we only met once in a small group get together. A little flirting here and there. She's pretty fucking hilarious actually and great looking.
As said before me, no one can answer this for you. You just have to know. And you'll have plenty of signs from the other half of said potential relationship as well.
I'm just trying to get a gauge for how other people feel about the people they date in an attempt to understand dating as something that I would want to do and not just a prerequisite to having a relationship.
I'm having a hard time picturing how one is supposed to meet someone who they are sure they want to date. Is there a specific manner of meeting people that lends itself better to that?
I mean maybe you don't agree, but I think trying to figure out how people interact is more interesting than just trying to fix someone's love life.
Fuck I need to stop listening to music right after class
I think some girl wanted to talk to me, but since I had earphones on she gave up :/
I was second out of class an she looked like she had a minute or two until she left class. But on my way to my car I see her in my peripheral. She must have sped up to try to talk to me :/
My dumb ass was listening to Pusha T
I think some girl wanted to talk to me, but since I had earphones on she gave up :/
I was second out of class an she looked like she had a minute or two until she left class. But on my way to my car I see her in my peripheral. She must have sped up to try to talk to me :/
My dumb ass was listening to Pusha T
Icelandic_Jazz
Member
Hi GAF,
I feel like this belongs in the dating thread rather than a religion thread, but it's messy territory so bear with me.
So I've been dating a girl for 2 years and it's been an overall amazing experience, up until just a few weeks ago. We're both reaching our mid 20s, and religious differences are starting to cause issues for the big picture. I'm an open-minded agnostic and she's a pretty serious catholic. She really loves that she can talk to me about tough religious topics without any hard feelings, but she's starting to think that her religion is too big of an aspect of her life to end up marrying someone of a different religion down the road.
All of our values are very similar, and she's a very open-minded person as well, but there are big obstacles that can arise with different religions in the family. I'm personally fine with other religions and would be totally for working things out. The dialog is wide open between me and her, but her doubt of our future based solely on religious difference is starting to hurt. And seriously, it's the ONLY issue in this great relationship, but it's obvious to me that it is a big issue for her.
We kind of both broke down crying tonight talking about it.. we both really care for each other, but it's such a tough and expansive issue to talk about. We kind of left it off at "we'll come back to the issue once more time passes and see if we can really work through it." Which I think is a good thing to do. After all 2 years isn't that long of a time to start looking that far down the road. Still, after this talk I have my concerns of us slowly drifting apart.
Any advice from other people who have dealt with interfaith relationships? We really hit it off since the very beginning, and I'm glad we can talk about this stuff together. I just want to say something that could help convince her that it's possible to work through religious differences if both people give the effort. And at the same time I feel like it's not an issue that can be "fixed" through talking and only time can tell. Sigh.
Any help is appreciated, hah
I feel like this belongs in the dating thread rather than a religion thread, but it's messy territory so bear with me.
So I've been dating a girl for 2 years and it's been an overall amazing experience, up until just a few weeks ago. We're both reaching our mid 20s, and religious differences are starting to cause issues for the big picture. I'm an open-minded agnostic and she's a pretty serious catholic. She really loves that she can talk to me about tough religious topics without any hard feelings, but she's starting to think that her religion is too big of an aspect of her life to end up marrying someone of a different religion down the road.
All of our values are very similar, and she's a very open-minded person as well, but there are big obstacles that can arise with different religions in the family. I'm personally fine with other religions and would be totally for working things out. The dialog is wide open between me and her, but her doubt of our future based solely on religious difference is starting to hurt. And seriously, it's the ONLY issue in this great relationship, but it's obvious to me that it is a big issue for her.
We kind of both broke down crying tonight talking about it.. we both really care for each other, but it's such a tough and expansive issue to talk about. We kind of left it off at "we'll come back to the issue once more time passes and see if we can really work through it." Which I think is a good thing to do. After all 2 years isn't that long of a time to start looking that far down the road. Still, after this talk I have my concerns of us slowly drifting apart.
Any advice from other people who have dealt with interfaith relationships? We really hit it off since the very beginning, and I'm glad we can talk about this stuff together. I just want to say something that could help convince her that it's possible to work through religious differences if both people give the effort. And at the same time I feel like it's not an issue that can be "fixed" through talking and only time can tell. Sigh.
Any help is appreciated, hah
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
No, there is not a specific manner of meeting people that works better than others. Different things work for different people. You'll have to find what works for you. Have you never met someone that you've wanted to date? Have you ever dated in the past? If so, how did those relationship start?
It is a different process for every person and every relationship. It varies greatly based on timing, chemistry, personalities and far too many other variables to take into account. As I mentioned earlier in this thread, my girlfriend and I met out of the blue at a random bus stop on the far side of the globe. We both just happened to be there, struck up a conversation and are now in the midst of a fantastic relationship. You never know when and where you're going to meet someone. And when it happens, it can completely bowl you over.
Artofwar420
Member
I'd suggest, try to have friendships with people who have motivations, goals, interests similar to those you have. Somewhere along there, an interesting lady/guy will pop up who may not necessarily be in your circle, but is drawn to it. If you guys are both ready to date each other, boom.
That's one way. There are many others for sure. And yes, it can totally happen when you least expect it.
Ghost_Protocol
Member
Question.......
Been talking to a girl on match, we've exchanged a few emails back and forth, I ask her out, she says yes, and then the next day she deletes all of her photos from her profile except for 1. (she had about 10). Why?
Been talking to a girl on match, we've exchanged a few emails back and forth, I ask her out, she says yes, and then the next day she deletes all of her photos from her profile except for 1. (she had about 10). Why?
Yeah, I think that's part of it. There's definitely another part of it though that explains Kung Fu Jedi's situation. I don't want to say much more than that because it seems like I'm rocking the boat here.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Maybe cause since she's going out with you, she see's no need for a profile? Idk, are you still talking to her?
C'mon man. I've been making similar excuses with girls in my classes myself both present and in the past. If you can do it, then I can do it. Since she's been feeling good, laughing at your jokes, and probably thinks you're a cool dude, why delay? Don't make things worse for yourself by over thinking about it.
Besides, she'll stop going to your work place once she recovers eventually and while you can easily find out when that would be, you're delaying the inevitable. Hell, if you don't want to put pressure on yourself, then offer up your number instead.
Devolution
Member
Questions like this are better served asking the person yourself or getting over it instead of playing guessing games.
Hi GAF,
I feel like this belongs in the dating thread rather than a religion thread, but it's messy territory so bear with me.
So I've been dating a girl for 2 years and it's been an overall amazing experience, up until just a few weeks ago. We're both reaching our mid 20s, and religious differences are starting to cause issues for the big picture. I'm an open-minded agnostic and she's a pretty serious catholic. She really loves that she can talk to me about tough religious topics without any hard feelings, but she's starting to think that her religion is too big of an aspect of her life to end up marrying someone of a different religion down the road.
All of our values are very similar, and she's a very open-minded person as well, but there are big obstacles that can arise with different religions in the family. I'm personally fine with other religions and would be totally for working things out. The dialog is wide open between me and her, but her doubt of our future based solely on religious difference is starting to hurt. And seriously, it's the ONLY issue in this great relationship, but it's obvious to me that it is a big issue for her.
We kind of both broke down crying tonight talking about it.. we both really care for each other, but it's such a tough and expansive issue to talk about. We kind of left it off at "we'll come back to the issue once more time passes and see if we can really work through it." Which I think is a good thing to do. After all 2 years isn't that long of a time to start looking that far down the road. Still, after this talk I have my concerns of us slowly drifting apart.
Any advice from other people who have dealt with interfaith relationships? We really hit it off since the very beginning, and I'm glad we can talk about this stuff together. I just want to say something that could help convince her that it's possible to work through religious differences if both people give the effort. And at the same time I feel like it's not an issue that can be "fixed" through talking and only time can tell. Sigh.
Any help is appreciated, hah
Perhaps I'm just not accustom to crazy catholics or their culture, but I'm really failing to grasp why religion is -that- big of a deal (or dealbreaker) for her. Especially considering you claim she's 'open minded'.
That being said, you pretty have two options; become mutually supportive and compromise with each other (which a plethora of couples do on many issues - including religion), or bail the fuck out. Personally, I'd opt for the latter - as I can't imagine wanting to be with, or waste time with someone who ultimately didn't see me as their endgame after two years.
Pops Maellard
Member
Wrote a bunch of stuff, thought better of it, and will just say that this thread stresses me out.
She wants you to tell her that these differences mean nothing to you. Actually, when I say "tell" I mean "show": dismiss the preoccupations and change topic. Act as if it doesn't matter at all.
Since it doesn't.
This is smoke and mirrors: either she is doing this unintentionally (out of anxiety for married life) or someone is putting ideas in her head. Maybe her (manipulative) mother or her (manipulative) sister or her (manipulative) best friend are questioning the value of the relationship and since she can't handle the pressure she is throwing all of this on you, because she wants you to "handle it".
She fell in love with you in spite of your faith. She is been with you for two years in spite of your faith. Now she has second thoughts? Weird.
Any advice from other people who have dealt with interfaith relationships? We really hit it off since the very beginning, and I'm glad we can talk about this stuff together. I just want to say something that could help convince her that it's possible to work through religious differences if both people give the effort. And at the same time I feel like it's not an issue that can be "fixed" through talking and only time can tell. Sigh.
Any help is appreciated, hah
Difference in faith means nothing and anyone who tells you differently is either a fundamentalist or a white supremacist under-cover. Religion handles spiritual love, which means all of those feelings of trust, nurture, kinship and fellowship we have for other people which we can't express through sex. If you think about most "commandments" or their equivalents in other religions, they are all about how to manage social life.
The only real problem is how you'd want to raise your children: you won't be able to find a middle ground on that. If you give them a mixed message (the mother telling something, the father telling the exact opposite at the same time) you'll damage them irreparably.
So either you let her have it and let her bring them to church and whatever else, or you put your foot down and you let them grow in a religion-free environment. Not an easy choice. But when it comes to life as a couple? any argument, guilt-trip, complaint about religion coming in between two people is a ruse.
There is something else behind this apparent change of heart. I would dig a bit.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Don't think this was posted, but I think it is an awesome video for those of you who have loved and lost:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ooCeoh6608
Made me feel better anyway, and gives me another movie (along with 500 Days of Summer) to watch.
So watch Harvey.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ooCeoh6608
Made me feel better anyway, and gives me another movie (along with 500 Days of Summer) to watch.
So watch Harvey.
stn
Member
Religion can definitely be a huge issue. My experiences were extreme, granted it involved Christianity and Islam (much worse). What did I learn? I don't bother anymore. I focus on women who are either Atheist or Christian. I know that doesn't help but its what I decided for myself.
I know that doesn't help but its what I decided for myself.Religion is what killed my last long term relationship. Everything was cool for a couple of years then she decided to try to mold me into her image of what a Christian man she would be with and her spritiual leader or some shit.
I considered myself to be spiritual but didn't actively practice.
Things just kind of broke down from there when I stopped putting any effort and I realized that I wasn't willing to be what she wanted me to be. She turned cold and it took a while before she finally put the relationship out of it's misery. The love was still there and she told me that she still loved me right before we broke up.
One of the reasons for the strength of her faith was her parents split up and she turned to prayer and everything and then they got back together so she had that incredibly powerful molding experience.
Without the religion issue, I am pretty certain that we would probably still be together.
I considered myself to be spiritual but didn't actively practice.
Things just kind of broke down from there when I stopped putting any effort and I realized that I wasn't willing to be what she wanted me to be. She turned cold and it took a while before she finally put the relationship out of it's misery. The love was still there and she told me that she still loved me right before we broke up.
One of the reasons for the strength of her faith was her parents split up and she turned to prayer and everything and then they got back together so she had that incredibly powerful molding experience.
Without the religion issue, I am pretty certain that we would probably still be together.
This is just mind boggling to me.
It seems that Instead of it being a healthy "I love you for who you are", religion corrupts relationships into "I need you to be -this way- to love you". I'm sure it was a difficult breakup, but you definitely don't want to be with someone who has that mentality. Kudos for moving on.
PflargBlarg
Member
I don't know, your line of thinking is bizarre to me.
I read your posts and what I see is "What is the scientifically optimal way to meet someone that you would like to date?" which is, apologies, kind of crazy. A particularly common way is:
Hang out with people that appeal to you, meet their friends, and maybe you'll meet someone that you're into.
Shit, I met my girlfriend through a facebook offshoot of the r/vancouver subreddit, there is no WAY.
I went back and read another one of your posts. Your disbelief that it is possible to meet someone and within a couple hours know that you find them attractive and that they can make you laugh is kind of mind boggling to me. That's not to say that it HAS to be done that way. I knew her for months before we started dating and that's fine too. You said "There's definitely another part of it though that explains Kung Fu Jedi's situation." and that's complete nonsense and I'm not sure how to convince you of that.
You're asking questions that have no answers, and you're going to have to accept that.
RazorbackDB
Member
I will update. I don't think it will help anybody but i just wanna tell someone about it.
This happened before the other day post.
The other day we were hanging out all three after work, everything fine, my "friend" lives in a near town so we dropped him at the bus about 9pm, and then she invited me to drink some coffee (i found it weird since she doesn't stay out at night), she asked about my health because i was taking some meds, i told her it was nothing and to don't worry about, she started saying that she cared about me and stuff. We went to the park near, and then it became awkward, she started making "jokes" about us, i asked her if she cosidered me a friend, she said that she wasn't a "friend person" but she always had a good time talking to me, and that i always made her laugh. We stayed just sitting there on a bench on the park at night, just silence, staring at each other, and a dumb joke from time to time for like 3 hours. I dropped her in a cab and we just hugged for like 5 minutes and then she left, that was it.
And now.
After that day she was weird, we texted just fine but she was all distant in person, so yesterday i asked her why, she didn't really wanted to talk about it but i insisted, she said that her mon called her (now) boyfriend to know where she was so he knew that we stayed together that night and that it was weird for us to hang out. I told her that nothing happened and blah blah, but anyway.
She blocked me from facebook and we haven't talked again. I don't know if her boyfriend told her anything or she just felt pressured or anything, but that's it, i lost a good friend.
I feel kinda shitty but i don't really want to do anything about it, just move on, so option 1.
I posted this somewhere else but I might as well post it here too. There's some girl in one of my classes who keeps smiling and waving at me whenever I walk in, but makes no attempt to talk to me or interact in any way beyond that after I sit down. I started smiling and waving back but I'm slightly confused as to why she keeps doing that?
Because she wants you to come over and talk to her, silly.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Are you interested in her in any way? If so, why wouldn't you go sit by her, say hello and get to know her better. This seems like fairly obvious stuff to me.
Liu Kang Baking A Pie
Member
Holy shit.
No no, there's something off about it. Usually if someone wants to talk to me, they do just that. Even if they just start out by waving at me, they eventually make some attempt to speak to me, like by asking me a question about the class or something. That's actually how I got my best friend. Here it's a little odd, like just waving and smiling. Maybe we have mutual friends or something, because the guy in front of her lives near me. It's not like we sit that far away. She could say something if she wanted to. A possible relationship wasn't exactly crossing my mind, it's just something that I found a little odd and thought I'd share.
I know, right?! It's so freaking intense I don't know if I can handle it!
beat
Member
NeOak
Member
She felt rejected, so that is why she is cutting ties with you.
Had you kissed her, who knows. Just let her be, BS like this is normal and you have to let time pass.
Her loss anyway.
Oh wow. Yeah, I don't plan on making a diagram anytime soon. I'm only bringing it up because I found this thread http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=705292
Vermillion
Banned
I'll say a couple things - looking at you/waving at you doesn't necessarily mean anything for romance.
But it is an opening to say something anyways, so.
Mortimer Brewster
Member
Yeah 5 hours or even a day isn't to much. The girl I'm dating right now can go a day or two between texts because she works a midnight shift and sleeps all day except her two days off. Makes trying to arrange plans a little challenging at times.
CouchDweller
Member
This ^^^
Been with my current SO for 3 and a half years. Her current job is closing shifts from 5pm to 2am for 3 days in a row. I rarely hear from her in that time and on the day off she sleeps through all morning. Lol But the moment she wakes up, *BOOM* phone call or a text.
beat
Member
Oh, definitely. I just don't want zeemumu to overthink this to that level. Even if it did make for a hilarious thread.
Yeah, can't hurt to say hi.
PlayALLtheGames
Banned
I'm in a fairly new relationship - few months - that's making me experience shit I haven't experienced since I was in my late teens.
I'm a cynical fuck about most things and have been my entire life (I'm 30 now). I have a reputation of a serial dater and have been the one to break up with every but two of my previous girlfriends, although i have also had two fairly long relationships (4 years and 2). I always scoffed at the idea of "true love" and felt bad for guys who fell hard for chicks fast. For a while now, I've learned to rationalize more than emotionalize. Some people have said it's like I have no emotions at all, although it's really more about how I express them.
But now here I am and all those dismissive attitudes and the concept of being more rational than emotional are being challenged. I've always prided myself on being realistic and non-dramatic when it came to the honeymoon phase. They all start out great, after all. And yet, all my emotional intelligence and everything I know about myself tells me this is different, and it's weirding me out.
We have a lot in common (foreign-born, traveled extensively, similar tastes in almost everything entertainment wise). We make each other laugh hysterically. We love to sit and philosophize about people and our families and the world in general. We constantly compliment each other, and actually do it out of genuineness. We fuck constantly; several times a day depending on how long she stays with me. I've never done this much kissing, either.
I still consider myself stoic, and I still spend time rationalizing things and making sure I stay within realistic expectations, but for the first time since I was in my late teens I cannot help entertain the idea that maybe that shit about meeting someone and knowing within a fairly short time that you're "supposed to be with them" is actually fucking happening to me, of all people. If it really is, I won't fight it and will admit that I was wrong this whole time.
But, again, it's early. I may post here in a few months or year, quote this post and laugh at myself.
I'm a cynical fuck about most things and have been my entire life (I'm 30 now). I have a reputation of a serial dater and have been the one to break up with every but two of my previous girlfriends, although i have also had two fairly long relationships (4 years and 2). I always scoffed at the idea of "true love" and felt bad for guys who fell hard for chicks fast. For a while now, I've learned to rationalize more than emotionalize. Some people have said it's like I have no emotions at all, although it's really more about how I express them.
But now here I am and all those dismissive attitudes and the concept of being more rational than emotional are being challenged. I've always prided myself on being realistic and non-dramatic when it came to the honeymoon phase. They all start out great, after all. And yet, all my emotional intelligence and everything I know about myself tells me this is different, and it's weirding me out.
We have a lot in common (foreign-born, traveled extensively, similar tastes in almost everything entertainment wise). We make each other laugh hysterically. We love to sit and philosophize about people and our families and the world in general. We constantly compliment each other, and actually do it out of genuineness. We fuck constantly; several times a day depending on how long she stays with me. I've never done this much kissing, either.
I still consider myself stoic, and I still spend time rationalizing things and making sure I stay within realistic expectations, but for the first time since I was in my late teens I cannot help entertain the idea that maybe that shit about meeting someone and knowing within a fairly short time that you're "supposed to be with them" is actually fucking happening to me, of all people. If it really is, I won't fight it and will admit that I was wrong this whole time.
But, again, it's early. I may post here in a few months or year, quote this post and laugh at myself.
Mortimer Brewster
Member
She and I have only been seeing each other for 2 months so its still really casual so she sometimes takes awhile to respond to texts. It means alot of our plans are kind of last minute. But they are things I'm learning to deal with because I like her.
This is what we call over thinking shit
Just talk to her and ask what the hell's up 
This is what we call over thinking shit
At least I didn't draw a diagram
True enough
Sit next to her next time and give us an update!True enough
I'm still trying to stress that I'm not trying to ask her out. It just stuck out in my mind for some reason and I thought I'd mention it. It would be weird if I was like "Hey this girl waved at me, does this mean we're dating now?"
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