Devolution
Member
What?
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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What?
That's not what I meant anyway. But you're curious, and so are we, about what she's about, so talk to her and get this silly thing out of our minds
That's not what I meant anyway. But you're curious, and so are we, about what she's about, so talk to her and get this silly thing out of our minds
Speaking of curious, what happened to that dude who left the note on his coworker's car?
Devolution
Member
No one is saying "wow bro she totally wants to hook up with you." What people are saying is, a girl is basically giving you tons of signals to interact with her, and you're playing hide and seek for some fucking reason.
wow bro she totally wants to hook up with you.
Idk, maybe you're asking questions right now that have no answers. I asked some questions that got answers.
I have no idea, I'm kinda curious about that too now that you mentioned it.
Haha good banter in here tonight
hydrophilic attack
Member
So, now we've done two dates coffee first time and bowling + dinner second time. Last night was great and I didn't fail to kiss her this time. Several times. But I may have to work on my technique a bit because I didn't really know what I was doing lol. But she still seemed to like it so I guess all is well. Now, she's going away for a fortnight on Monday so I want to meet up with her again before that. We will both be pretty busy this week, but I hope we can find a time.
So, do you have any good third-date ideas after coffee, bowling, dinner and kissing sessions have already been done? My friends say I should invite her over for dinner, but I'm not sure whether I'm ready for that. Plus I suck at cooking, lol.
I overcame my fears and asked a cute girl I didn't know, who kept smiling at me on the bus, out, less than two weeks ago, and yesterday night we were making out. According to my coworkers I've walked around with a silly smile all day today. Make a move and you won't regret it. If she's not interested in you romantically, you may make a new friend, or at least get some life experience.
I realize now how easy it can be, and how many opportunities I missed when I was younger.
So, do you have any good third-date ideas after coffee, bowling, dinner and kissing sessions have already been done? My friends say I should invite her over for dinner, but I'm not sure whether I'm ready for that. Plus I suck at cooking, lol.
I overcame my fears and asked a cute girl I didn't know, who kept smiling at me on the bus, out, less than two weeks ago, and yesterday night we were making out. According to my coworkers I've walked around with a silly smile all day today. Make a move and you won't regret it. If she's not interested in you romantically, you may make a new friend, or at least get some life experience.
I realize now how easy it can be, and how many opportunities I missed when I was younger.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
I've asked you this twice but you still haven't answered. What has worked for you in the past in terms of finding someone to date? Have you ever dated anyone?
How about you go out to dinner, but back to your place for a movie? That gets her to your place in a comfortable fashion but you don't have to cook. Get a bottle of wine and you'll be all set.
Icelandic_Jazz
Member
Thanks for the responses guys. The good thing is she's not trying to shape me to her religion and has no intention of doing so. Religion is definitely a huge aspect of a relationship and you don't have to be a fundamentalist for it to affect a relationship, but there's some good notes for me to think over. I do think her mother can be very manipulative as she's extremely christian. And my girlfriend is pretty much scared shitless of her mother, so I do think that her friends and family could be convincing her to try to find a 'nice catholic boy' instead.
When it comes to children, I would join them in church, but when they are old enough I would let them decide for themselves what religion they want to follow, if any. She seemed to think that this was a good way of looking at the issue, but there's still other problems the differences entails and the odds are stacked up against me.
I had another late night talk with her tonight. She's saying there is a emptiness of not being able to relate on a religious level, but she's completely torn up over the issue. I can see she's trying really hard to figure out how to make it work in the longterm. I am completely sure that she's not using it as an excuse for a deeper issue. It's just a hard issue for me to understand, seeing how I don't have strong religious beliefs and can't really know what it's like not sharing a religion with a loved one. I want to fill that religious emptiness she is feeling without falsely changing my religious views. But I don't know how that is possible, if it even is possible.
When it comes to children, I would join them in church, but when they are old enough I would let them decide for themselves what religion they want to follow, if any. She seemed to think that this was a good way of looking at the issue, but there's still other problems the differences entails and the odds are stacked up against me.
I had another late night talk with her tonight. She's saying there is a emptiness of not being able to relate on a religious level, but she's completely torn up over the issue. I can see she's trying really hard to figure out how to make it work in the longterm. I am completely sure that she's not using it as an excuse for a deeper issue. It's just a hard issue for me to understand, seeing how I don't have strong religious beliefs and can't really know what it's like not sharing a religion with a loved one. I want to fill that religious emptiness she is feeling without falsely changing my religious views. But I don't know how that is possible, if it even is possible.
The Artful Dodger
Member
I didn't want to say anything before and color this, but let me say this. I became pretty devout in my faith (Catholicism as well), after years of doubt and wavering and disbelief, etc. It was rough, cause I sorta understand your girlfriends perpsective on that. it's not a dealbreaker to date other people of other faiths, but at the time I was exploring and deepening my faith, I lost alotta friends and a pretty solid (albeit not as solid as I thought) relationship, because of it.
Openness and honesty is the best way to handle it. Sounds like you guys are strong in that department. Respect is also important too. There are ways to like...be able to talk about "faith' or other things related that might be an easier way for you to bridge that gap, without a conversion. There are a number of books written not just by "Catholics". Maybe reading those books would help? PM me and I'll suggest some books to read if you want, not just like "self-help" stuff but actual literature.
I can admit, coming from a Catholic family, that sometimes that pressure is applied, but it doesn't seem like that's a dealbreaker or actively driving a wedge. It's just rough because (from my perspective), something as personal as faith, is a deep part of your life and it informs how you act and believe in things, and nowadays it's a pretty big choice to make a commitment to it.
I applaud you for your commitment as well to her. I know this isn't an easy process, and there are alotta people that would call it quits based on that. Not that that's a bad thing, but it's just a different choice. Idk, like I said I'm pretty devout myself so if you do have any questions to ask that are either weird to ask your GF or you just want another perspective on feel free to PM me. Best of Luck.
Yeesh, I can't imagine handling someone who is devout. If we had children, she'd want to raise them to be faithful and I wouldn't. I'd either have to have someone who is at best "spiritual" or outright atheist.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
I had a previous girlfriend who got more religious later in the relationship. When she talked to me about it, I encouraged her to explore her spiritual side, as I actually thought it might do her some good, despite the fact that I had no interest in religion. I was raised Catholic but now I'm mostly Agnostic at best.
As she did get further into religion she decided that it was something she wanted to share with me, even though I told her I had no interest, but supported her efforts. I should note, that I am not at all anti-religion. I've visited Muslim, Buddhist and Hindu countries and obviously have a lot of exposure to Christianity. I am completely accepting of other people's beliefs, even if they are counter to my own.
Unfortunately, the same thing didn't hold true for the girl I was dating. As she found a church and got more active in it, a divide grew between us. She couldn't share it with me so she started to cut me out. It even got to the point where she decided that sex outside of marriage was wrong and that she wasn't going to have sex with me anymore. The problem was, she didn't tell me this or discuss it with me in any way. As you can imagine, this led to even more problems as we went along.
Ultimately we weren't meant to be together and I'm MUCH happier now. But it was a lot of drama and confusion at the time. She's single now deep into her religious beliefs. We're still in contact from time to time and she even had the nerve to tell me recently that there was still time for me to change my ways and make into heaven. That pissed me off more than anything else and I've had little contact with her ever since.
The moral of the story is that when religion starts to become a divide, it can be a really tough one to bridge, even when you try very hard to do so. Tread lightly on this path.
As she did get further into religion she decided that it was something she wanted to share with me, even though I told her I had no interest, but supported her efforts. I should note, that I am not at all anti-religion. I've visited Muslim, Buddhist and Hindu countries and obviously have a lot of exposure to Christianity. I am completely accepting of other people's beliefs, even if they are counter to my own.
Unfortunately, the same thing didn't hold true for the girl I was dating. As she found a church and got more active in it, a divide grew between us. She couldn't share it with me so she started to cut me out. It even got to the point where she decided that sex outside of marriage was wrong and that she wasn't going to have sex with me anymore. The problem was, she didn't tell me this or discuss it with me in any way. As you can imagine, this led to even more problems as we went along.
Ultimately we weren't meant to be together and I'm MUCH happier now. But it was a lot of drama and confusion at the time. She's single now deep into her religious beliefs. We're still in contact from time to time and she even had the nerve to tell me recently that there was still time for me to change my ways and make into heaven. That pissed me off more than anything else and I've had little contact with her ever since.
The moral of the story is that when religion starts to become a divide, it can be a really tough one to bridge, even when you try very hard to do so. Tread lightly on this path.
Most likely yeah. Time apart so the feelings die down is probably needed.
Ghost_Protocol
Member
Question y'all
Meeting an online date for the first time: Offer to pick them up? Or assume they will just want to meet at a agreed upon location?
Meeting an online date for the first time: Offer to pick them up? Or assume they will just want to meet at a agreed upon location?
I was talking to my other friends about the girl I mentioned to you guys the other day and they told me asking for her number directly is creepy because she doesn't know me and that I should get her facebook and become closer with her there.
Not that I'm following their advice (I won't) but how would you guys respond to that?
Not that I'm following their advice (I won't) but how would you guys respond to that?
stn
Member
Meet them at a location. They may feel more comfortable since they've never seen you before and will want to vet you out.
Yellowflashdude
Member
Why won't she just confess to him?
I would say you won't always know the girl you are asking the number of.
Yellowflashdude
Member
You kinda have to put into the other perspective, how would you react if some guy you barely know already asks for your number? Starting from facebook is better.
The only doubt I ever had was that she's too young to realize it's a valid move. She's 20, so if every other guy in her life asked for her fb (which I highly doubt) then maybe I'd come off as creepy.
I'm also 20 btw
Mortimer Brewster
Member
Offering to pick them up if they don't have a car is ok. Some girls will take you up on the offer, others will want to meet on neutral ground.
ComputerMKII
Banned
I met a girl at a party, two weeks ago. She's good-looking and well-educated. We didn't really talk to each other during the party but we happened to leave together so we had a pleasing conversation on our ways home.
Since we both seemed to enjoy said conversation we gave each other our e-mail address. A few days later I asked her if we could meet again and have a drink while continuing our conversation. She said she was busy these days (she explained it by referring to things she mentioned during our conversation that night), and told me to try again in late november.
Since I've got better things to do with my time I was like 'fuck it' and willing to move on but she just sent me another e-mail. She's gonna see the guy who organized the party (who is a good friend of mine) tomorrow and asked if I could be there as well.
I'm not sure what to do. It would be an occasion to see my friend and maybe even drink alcohol but it wouldn't be a one-on-one date and I don't want her to become a 'friend'.
Do I tell her 'OK' and go see them or do I stay home?
Since we both seemed to enjoy said conversation we gave each other our e-mail address. A few days later I asked her if we could meet again and have a drink while continuing our conversation. She said she was busy these days (she explained it by referring to things she mentioned during our conversation that night), and told me to try again in late november.
Since I've got better things to do with my time I was like 'fuck it' and willing to move on but she just sent me another e-mail. She's gonna see the guy who organized the party (who is a good friend of mine) tomorrow and asked if I could be there as well.
I'm not sure what to do. It would be an occasion to see my friend and maybe even drink alcohol but it wouldn't be a one-on-one date and I don't want her to become a 'friend'.
Do I tell her 'OK' and go see them or do I stay home?
In case anyone wanted an update on my pathetic two week old post here: http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=86643553&postcount=10227 (tldr: Girl I worked with for a week. She was unlike any girl I ever met. We hit it off. But I stupidly never asked her out.)
I had went back. It was hopeless though
. The store is only manned by a manager 75% of the time. The odds of her ever being there are next to none. Maybe in late November or December when the store is busy...Now my only hope is to get called in to help them down there someday, but even if that happens, doubtful she'd be there. I missed my only good chance and I still can't get over it. I thought I would be fine now, but I'm not yet. I must sound like such a creep, but I just never knew or met a girl like that before. Imagine what could have been if not for one mistake (story of everyone's life right?). 'There are plenty of fish in the sea' ...yeah, I was always a believer in that too. But you know what, there are some rare fish out there. Some fishermen never make the big catch. I had one hooked, only the line didn't snap, I cut it.
As upset as I am though, this was a positive experience I guess (or so I keep telling myself). Just getting the courage to go back was good for me, even if I do feel like literally tearing my heart out everyday since.
I had went back. It was hopeless though
. The store is only manned by a manager 75% of the time. The odds of her ever being there are next to none. Maybe in late November or December when the store is busy...Now my only hope is to get called in to help them down there someday, but even if that happens, doubtful she'd be there. I missed my only good chance and I still can't get over it. I thought I would be fine now, but I'm not yet. I must sound like such a creep, but I just never knew or met a girl like that before. Imagine what could have been if not for one mistake (story of everyone's life right?). 'There are plenty of fish in the sea' ...yeah, I was always a believer in that too. But you know what, there are some rare fish out there. Some fishermen never make the big catch. I had one hooked, only the line didn't snap, I cut it.As upset as I am though, this was a positive experience I guess (or so I keep telling myself). Just getting the courage to go back was good for me, even if I do feel like literally tearing my heart out everyday since.
Devolution
Member
Not sure why you would pass up the opportunity to make a gal pal since that's a great way to meet more women.
ComputerMKII
Banned
True enough. I'll go, then. Thanks for the advice.
PflargBlarg
Member
Yep, I know a guy who has literally said that women no longer exist for him once they've turned him down or become 'unavailable'. He's become totally uninterested in even talking to my gf since we started dating, and so she has told me that she would never introduce any of her friends to him. Hell, she'd probably warn them off.
The best way to meet women is to get good references from their friends.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Hell, it's another opportunity for you to hang out with her and maybe it will lead to something afterwards. She may just want to get to know you a bit better before seeing where things can go. I'd definitely go and I'd definitely keep an open mind about taking her out on a date. Who knows where it'll lead.
So I made dinner for the girl last night. It ended up being at her place so she could work on her zombie Alice costume. She msged the night before and said she wanted to eat and watch a movie with me so that was the best option for that. Dinner was a big hit and we watched Scream, Rocky Horror Picture Show, and Plan 9 From Outer Space.
We kept catching ourselves just looking at one another while she was working on her costume and walking in and out of the room. She would say "What?" I would just smile and say "Nothing." Then I would say "What are you looking at?" She would smile and say "I don't know."
She cozied up on the couch next to me and fell asleep during the last movie. I gave her a big hug and kiss before I left for the night and it was a very subtle gesture but the way she very gently rubbed my back after the kiss made me feel really good. Still taking things slowly but it was really good to see her and reminded me that yes, I totally dig this girl.
I want to get more physical but want to keep her comfortable as well. I am going to be a little more aggressive next time we are together, I think she will be OK with that. Given the situation I thought just a goodnight kiss was appropriate.
We kept catching ourselves just looking at one another while she was working on her costume and walking in and out of the room. She would say "What?" I would just smile and say "Nothing." Then I would say "What are you looking at?" She would smile and say "I don't know."
She cozied up on the couch next to me and fell asleep during the last movie. I gave her a big hug and kiss before I left for the night and it was a very subtle gesture but the way she very gently rubbed my back after the kiss made me feel really good. Still taking things slowly but it was really good to see her and reminded me that yes, I totally dig this girl.
I want to get more physical but want to keep her comfortable as well. I am going to be a little more aggressive next time we are together, I think she will be OK with that. Given the situation I thought just a goodnight kiss was appropriate.
Awesome bro, keep it up!
A quick update regarding the 'psycho' girl. I've dropped her from my life. She was just getting a little too intense for my liking. I'm not afraid of commitment by any means, but it's an entirely different league when it comes to discussing family and marriage within the first few weeks of knowing each other. It got to the point where she was messaging me thirty-five times in one night because I had my phone off and she was getting paranoid. I'd had enough of her and, truth be told, had enough of crazy girls in general. So, yeah, another one bites the dust...but it's for the best this time.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Good Call.
NeOak
Member
Yup, she was totally crazy. I've been with my fair share of crazy chicks before but this one really took the biscuit. I thought it was kinda cute at first, her saying she was really into me, but yeah - thirty-five text messages in the space of one night is just pure fucking psycho. Ain't nobody got time for dat.
So I didn't end up asking the girl out today. It was really busy at work, and I didn't get a chance to be alone with her.
Even if I was alone with her, I'm still unsure on how I'll come off if I asked her number and directly asked her out. She's 20 and I'm not sure if she's encountered guys that asked her out like that, and if she'd appreciate the directness or find it creepy.
I guess you can say I'm fearing rejection. She's gonna be coming in for another 3 weeks and I'm definitely gonna make my move by then, but I'm still puzzled by how I should approach it.
Even if I was alone with her, I'm still unsure on how I'll come off if I asked her number and directly asked her out. She's 20 and I'm not sure if she's encountered guys that asked her out like that, and if she'd appreciate the directness or find it creepy.
I guess you can say I'm fearing rejection. She's gonna be coming in for another 3 weeks and I'm definitely gonna make my move by then, but I'm still puzzled by how I should approach it.
As you guys can tell I'm inexperienced. I've had one girlfriend for 4 years and like 1 fling so far. I'm also 20 years old.
edit: damn, top of page and double post. here's the post from last page:
edit: damn, top of page and double post. here's the post from last page:
Icelandic_Jazz
Member
Things took a turn for the better after tonight, and I want to thank GAF for the help, notably you, The Artful Dodger. There's nothing set in stone, but we're giving ourselves a period of time in order to see if we can bridge the gap in religious differences and I feel we're both in higher spirits (this is dangerously close to a pun). I'll definitely be hitting you up for info, as I'm interested in the books and any other advice that you'd recommend.
If things don't get patched up, I'm sure it'd be alright. But we're both putting in the effort and that's what counts.
beat
Member
If you don't want to ask her out, don't. It's your life.
But if in three weeks you do ask her out cause you wanted to and she says she would but she just started dating someone a week ago*, we're gonna yell at you. Just what is the extra time going to gain you? Trust me, you can always find a bad reason to procrastinate.
* ok, this probably won't happen, but it could!
I wish on OKCupid when I get a reply from someone I could still see how selectively they reply. I want to know if I accomplished something. 
Also I hope it doesn't alert people when I visit someone's page a second time. >_>
EDIT: Just got a repeat visit from someone, so yes it does. And I'm revealed as a creeper to everyone, haha.
Also I hope it doesn't alert people when I visit someone's page a second time. >_>
EDIT: Just got a repeat visit from someone, so yes it does. And I'm revealed as a creeper to everyone, haha.
Well anyhow it's been more than 2 days now. The reason why I don't understand this is because she herself asked me to contact her when we departed. My text message was just in the lines of "hey it's me from last week (she has my number saved) and I had a great time. I checked out that movie you mentioned and I am intrigued now". No questions or what's up or anything.
Anyway I wonder if this is it for me if she doesn't sends any text? Should I even bother with a 2nd text or a call over the weekend and give it one last try? It'd be very unfortunate if this is it though, she seemed cool and I thought both of us had a good time.
manfestival
Member
Ok so any advice on how to manage my life. I feel like I've put too much on my plate as of recent. I am very flirty and I guess that is getting the better of me but I've told a couple girls that I just want to be friends but they are still pursuing me regardless. Then there are a couple chicks I have been talking to but to decide on which lady to get with. Also last night I met another chick which so far shes had a bigger effect on me than most of the other chicks. Why am I so indecisive? Is this ok being single to "get around" like this? Feels like im stressing out over nothing but I dont know
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Maybe send her one more text that is more direct. Say something like: "Hey! Want to get together this weekend?" And see if you get a response. If not, time to move on.
Are you sleeping with these "chicks?" If you're just meeting up with them, getting to know them and deciding which one you click with the most, then there is obviously nothing wrong with that. There is nothing wrong with sleeping with all of that either for that matter, although that is more likely to blow up on your face. As to why you're being indecisive, none of us can answer that for you. But it seems that you just haven't met the right woman that you connect with just yet.
manfestival
Member
I should say ladies instead of chicks... lol they arent chickens! Anyways, I have a couple fwb but I figure those will go into the darkness if I get into a relationship. The main reason I havent slept with most of them is that I figure it will blow up in my face. I guess that I haven't found the right woman. I am pretty cautious when it comes to this stuff as I havent officially had a relationship since like 07
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