Boo-urns
I agree with your approach though. And it sounds like you're handling it well
I hope you at least get to sit down with her and hash it out, even if it doesn't end up positive.
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Boo-urns
I agree with your approach though. And it sounds like you're handling it well
I hope you at least get to sit down with her and hash it out, even if it doesn't end up positive.PhoenixDark
Banned
Mortimer Brewster
Member
Boo-urns
I agree with your approach though. And it sounds like you're handling it well
The best thing to do when a girl is conflicted over what she wants is to give her space.Hopefully she does decide to sit down with me and allow us a chance to sort it out. I will just have to see what happens, i still believe she and i have a ton of potential so its worth giving it some time to see what happens.
Artofwar420
Member
GF posts in Facebook a random pic of a dude friend who used to hang out with her (in a group, with others, as far as I know) before we met; says just wanted to post it on his wall 'cause she found it randomly on her phone.
Am I reading too much into this? What do? Just say fuck it, I rail her all night, who cares?
BTW, she never mentioned they dated, just said they were good friends.
Am I reading too much into this? What do? Just say fuck it, I rail her all night, who cares?
BTW, she never mentioned they dated, just said they were good friends.
fengshuifever
Member
Never posted in this thread before, but reading all these stories over the past couple of weeks are giving me a slightly clearer head/confidence boost.
This is really a drive-by post but just wanted to say thanks to all you guys for sharing these stories (both ups and downs) from an ex-lurker.
Things like these help.
This is really a drive-by post but just wanted to say thanks to all you guys for sharing these stories (both ups and downs) from an ex-lurker.
Things like these help.
If you don't have a reason to be overthinking it, don't. And you'd know if you fit that criteria.
Artofwar420
Member
There's nothing to say anything is going on. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. It's weird to do that in my eyes though. Like "hey, here's this pic of a chick and me drinking beer!"
NeOak
Member
Exactly as you said, you are the one inside her and he is the one in a facebook picture.
Nothing to see here, move along.
Drop it. Doesn't sound anything major. Or anything to get headaches over.
Well you can still be close friends with a girl that you had feelings for. It just takes a crap-ton of effort . I'd avoid the situation if you can, but if not, you basically go through a weird version of the stages of grief. The choice is up to you.
Artofwar420
Member
DROPPED! I'm gonna go and run a lap and get into fights with imaginary elves. Thanks guys for the much needed perspective.
Guess who's going to Costco to get a jumbo-sized box of condoms.
Guess who's going to Costco to get a jumbo-sized box of condoms.
NeOak
Member
Put it this way: She has given me trust and stuff that she doesn't give except to like 2 other friends who are girls. Beyond her ex-bf level in some cases.
That is cool and all as a friend, but sometimes it still stings. Distance is required, even though I have basically all the means available to contact her. She answers my texts almost instantly and all during the rare times I send one but: meh
I lost interest tbh.
Edit: nevermind the fact that we actually interacted more when she had a bf than now that she is single.
It can piss me off once in a while, but I know it it will pass so I don't do shit about it.
The stinging is the knowledge that it's possible that she'll share that trust with her next significant other. You can have distance but you don't have to go away forever. If you're serious about just being close friends then it won't bother you, but a lot of people say that they're cool with just being friends without realizing that they're actually just trying to give themselves a chance to win back their girlfriend/boyfriend.
PflargBlarg
Member
Pretty well covered, but it's weird to me that it's weird to you for that picture to be posted. It's not something I would even give a second thought to. "Cool, a nice picture with an old friend!"
Artofwar420
Member
I would think that, but she kinda blurted out one time saying "hey you both are wearing the same color, I seem to fall in love with people who wear that."
What do you think? Overblown on my part? I have kept my cool about this, but in my mind. Dunno, maybe I like her quite a bit, that's why.
NeOak
Member
Guess who got pissed off by the ex bf being a needy bitch and made her realize he was taking her for granted, making her take a break which then turned into a break-up? (I warned her it would bite me in the ass when she asked me for my opinion. It did)
Guess who had to disappear making her think it would be permanent but I was just dealing with that damn crush?
Guess who made the mistake of being needy and even playing the victim before realizing it?
Guess who has had a "feelings" talk with her like the day before Evilore posted about it here?
Yup, I'm dead there. If she needs me, she knows how to find me but my time would be better spent else where.
Funny that she decided to give me her phone number out of the blue like months after I asked and got a no. (Not even the ex had it, they used Line to text). Oh and I got it because she realized she had been a bitch (which turned me to playing the victim) and gave it to me as a way to make amends and to talk with her whenever I wanted with her. Right.
I could read into it all I want, but I'm dead there so fuck that shit.
Edit: I'm not taking it out on you man, but the worst is that I had a chance and I blew it. Sigh.
Edit 2: Oh, and we used to like, talk for hours on Skype. Just the two of us. 8 hours wasn't uncommon. Now, the most I get is a teamspeak chat while she is in a call with other friends (most of the time is one guy, with another friend who is in the call telling me there is nothing between them anyway) for a FFXIV dungeon run when she *feels* like doing one.
GG friendship dude. GG.
Girls sure need a lot of space. I'm probably going to do the same, though last time she kept contacting me.
I'm sorry that your breakup was rough. I'm not saying that breakups can't be rough. But there are times where you can ease back into just being friends with no problem. I wouldn't worry about it too much though. Everyone blows it, but it's being able to start over that matters.
Question for errybody
So I've been texting this girl I met for five days now, told her on day one I wanted to take her out. She said yes, but I was going home for the weekend and so we agreed to do it during the week and hammer out the details once the weekend was over.
Anyway I sent her a text tonight and its been a couple hours since she replied, which is no biggie. I'm just wondering if I should send her a text now asking about Wednesday night, so she has a few days to consider, or if I should call her tomorrow and ask what she's doing the next night.
We just met on Tinder, but I don't think actually calling her would be misplaced. I've been pretty forward with her and want to keep doing so because frankly she's super cool from the bit we've talked and it would be awesome to take her out.
So I've been texting this girl I met for five days now, told her on day one I wanted to take her out. She said yes, but I was going home for the weekend and so we agreed to do it during the week and hammer out the details once the weekend was over.
Anyway I sent her a text tonight and its been a couple hours since she replied, which is no biggie. I'm just wondering if I should send her a text now asking about Wednesday night, so she has a few days to consider, or if I should call her tomorrow and ask what she's doing the next night.
We just met on Tinder, but I don't think actually calling her would be misplaced. I've been pretty forward with her and want to keep doing so because frankly she's super cool from the bit we've talked and it would be awesome to take her out.
Ghost_Protocol
Member
HATE people who do this.
Yeah... honestly I kind of just prefer texting back right away if I'm interested. If they think I'm clingy just from sending them a text, I don't really care if they reply anyways. If a girl texts me right away it makes me flattered, not annoyed.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Texting is such a curse and a blessing. It's such a great way to communicate, send quick messages and let someone know you're thinking about them. On the other hand, too many people read too much into them and feel like they have to have "rules" on how texts are used. I don't know how many times I've seen both men and women go overboard reading into a simple text.
Over the weekend my girlfriend was telling me about another woman in her office who was thinking of breaking up with the guy she had been dating for a month or so because she didn't like the "tone" of his text. Apparently the tone was just fine, but the woman was reading way too much into what he was saying and was actually wondering why he wasn't using more smileys in his messages to her.
Over the weekend my girlfriend was telling me about another woman in her office who was thinking of breaking up with the guy she had been dating for a month or so because she didn't like the "tone" of his text. Apparently the tone was just fine, but the woman was reading way too much into what he was saying and was actually wondering why he wasn't using more smileys in his messages to her.
Yup! Took the picture in Colombia: land of superior coke.
As far as texting goes, if I'm not sure about the tone of a text, I try to ask so that I'm not overthinking it. "Hey, that last message felt a bit '_____' but I think I'm just reading into it." I think a lot of people are scared about letting the other person know that they can be made to feel vulnerable by something like that. But realizing that we all sometimes jump to conclusions or misread things makes it easier to talk about it and sort things out.
I've been seeing this girl for over 3 months. In my mind it is more friends with benefits than anything. We've never discussed it, never met each others' friends etc. I see her on pof (we met off there), so it seems she is looking/seeing others.
In this situation am I free to see other women?
In this situation am I free to see other women?
manfestival
Member
meh online dating has never worked for me. It seems like just going out and about is my best shot and its been working for me way more since ive become social than any online dating option.
also, I guess my average looks seem to get really fat chicks all over me dating web sites BUT my moves since going social with my life have landed me some really cute girls. I guess I would recommend for all to get involved in some major social thing and it would not only be a talking point but increase chances of finding a chick.
fyi im now a dance instructor and ive started volunteering at parades. I guess it took me forever to realize that being social and being me is the best way to truly meet someone. granted ive always been the guy that sits at home playing video games for the majority of the game while drinking a 2 liter of dew and downing a box of pizza. im so much happier now and still get my gaming on. meh shoulda just blogged this.
TLDR; im happier now that ive become more social and the bottom is the actual part i need advice on
i still need advice cause im kinda stuck between two chicks. one seems really into me for sure but her communication completely sucks. everytime we talk though, it seems very future tense. Now I met this really awesome lady(we hit it off big time) the other night but she seems like the busy body type and we wont actually have time to hang out. granted that is always remedied by her making time for me if she wants it to happen right? im single now, so i technically have the option to continue searching right?
also, I guess my average looks seem to get really fat chicks all over me dating web sites BUT my moves since going social with my life have landed me some really cute girls. I guess I would recommend for all to get involved in some major social thing and it would not only be a talking point but increase chances of finding a chick.
fyi im now a dance instructor and ive started volunteering at parades. I guess it took me forever to realize that being social and being me is the best way to truly meet someone. granted ive always been the guy that sits at home playing video games for the majority of the game while drinking a 2 liter of dew and downing a box of pizza. im so much happier now and still get my gaming on. meh shoulda just blogged this.
TLDR; im happier now that ive become more social and the bottom is the actual part i need advice on
i still need advice cause im kinda stuck between two chicks. one seems really into me for sure but her communication completely sucks. everytime we talk though, it seems very future tense. Now I met this really awesome lady(we hit it off big time) the other night but she seems like the busy body type and we wont actually have time to hang out. granted that is always remedied by her making time for me if she wants it to happen right? im single now, so i technically have the option to continue searching right?
TurboLibre
Member
It has been weird lately. I've been running into a number of women that actively try to grab drinks with me, but don't tell me they have a boyfriend until much later. I'm used to women "slipping" their boyfriend into the conversation early on. I don't know what to make of it.
chicko1983
Member
Yesterday I got asked to go on a holiday with a female work friend of mine. She just got out of a long term relationship and decided to go travelling in a couple months time. She has 10 days by herself in new York and asked if I want to join her as she is worried about travelling overseas alone (we are from Australia).
She called me today and I declined as I can't afford it as I have my own plans to travel next year, already booked the plane ticket.
Her reasoning for asking me was that I was one of her few single friends that would possibly be interested in travelling around Christmas. All her friends in relationships are staying at home for family and money reasons around Christmas. She distinctly called me one of her "single friends".
What's weirder is that she and I have never hung out together outside of work, we dont even go for lunch together, yet she wants to go travelling overseas with me!
She is a bit weird, possibly been emotionally damaged from her breakup with her ex. She told me she had no confidence anymore so was freaking out at the thought if travelling by herself.
I have two trains of thought: she likes me and Wants to be more than friends or she likes me only as a friend.
What do you think?
As I said, I have never hung out with her outside of work. We have exchanged a few messages here and there but nothing serious or emotional. I distanced myself from her when she was breaking up with her ex as I have no idea what to say to a woman going through a messy breakup.The times we have hung out together has always been with other people present I.e. we have never spent time together alone.
She called me today and I declined as I can't afford it as I have my own plans to travel next year, already booked the plane ticket.
Her reasoning for asking me was that I was one of her few single friends that would possibly be interested in travelling around Christmas. All her friends in relationships are staying at home for family and money reasons around Christmas. She distinctly called me one of her "single friends".
What's weirder is that she and I have never hung out together outside of work, we dont even go for lunch together, yet she wants to go travelling overseas with me!
She is a bit weird, possibly been emotionally damaged from her breakup with her ex. She told me she had no confidence anymore so was freaking out at the thought if travelling by herself.
I have two trains of thought: she likes me and Wants to be more than friends or she likes me only as a friend.
What do you think?
As I said, I have never hung out with her outside of work. We have exchanged a few messages here and there but nothing serious or emotional. I distanced myself from her when she was breaking up with her ex as I have no idea what to say to a woman going through a messy breakup.The times we have hung out together has always been with other people present I.e. we have never spent time together alone.
Mortimer Brewster
Member
Good. Good luck, I hope you get some resolution
Thank you, I think she and i can could work this out if we sat down and talked about a bunch of things. Hopefully, she decides to sit down and talk with me.
NeOak
Member
oh no, the break up was with her ex. She and I never "dated". lol sorry if you misunderstood me. Or maybe I misunderstood. I was referring to someone who I had strong feelings for and I did a lot to be a good friend. But now I'll shine because of my absence (meh).
What do you mean by starting over?
I did try to be friends with an actual ex of mine though. It was a wreck. That was who I referred to when I said "run".
NeOak
Member
She wants the D. Most likely looking for someone to raise her confidence by showing her affection aka "rebound".
Up to you.
Mortimer Brewster
Member
Yeah, Im going to go radio silent for a few days with her and then try to reconnect and see if she is willing to meet up and talk everything out. She and I are long overdue for that chat about our feelings and what we want and to address our issues and concerns.
So got no reply to this but its all good because I woke up this morning to a text from her asking if I wanted to grab coffee with her today between classes.
Its nice to have a girl take an equal part in trying to meet up for once, damn. Looks like I'll ask her out on a date when ever we grab some starbucks.
But on a related note, I offered to pick her up on my motorcycle several days ago. I've only been riding for two weeks, took the safety course, am really comfortable on the bike. Rode it 110 miles this weekend from my hometown back up to University around semis and at 85 mph, have good practice with slow speed manuevers. I know I need to tell her I'm still a new rider, because to skip on that detail would be a dick move. Whats the best way to break this to her and still seem confident?
I was thinking just saying hey look, full disclosure, I've only been riding for two weeks now but I've got plenty of seat time under my belt and am fully confident with a passenger on the back, but if you aren't comfortable riding with me I wouldn't have a problem meeting up there. Does something like that sound alright?
This thread should be renamed to "over-thinking: the thread"
Just talk to her man. You have nothing to lose. You'll still pull up in all your motorcycle badassery regardless. But hats off to you. I'm scared shitless to ride a motorcycle lol
youngwerther
Banned
So I'm texting that same girl.
I saw her last night and I've been really sick for the past 3 weeks. We got some work done and it was peachy, but eventually I just went home.
This morning my phone goes off and I wake up and she has sent "Are you feeling better?"
We go back and forth for a while. We have a test tonight so I say
"Want to get on Skype and study together?"
She replies "Well I'm in the library so I'm not sure how people would feel about me talking a lot."
So I just say "K ttyl"
There is a 15 minute pause and she says "Oh. Ok then."
Um. That doesn't sound good to me. It sounds like she wanted me to say something else but I'm not sure what?
What should I do?
This is a dating-age emergency, this just happening.
Did I just blow it?
edit: I texted back "oh, did you want to meet up? I'm still at home."
and she sent back "No, it's fine. Whatever you want to do."
=/
Last night she said we should meet up today but she said in the afternoon.
I saw her last night and I've been really sick for the past 3 weeks. We got some work done and it was peachy, but eventually I just went home.
This morning my phone goes off and I wake up and she has sent "Are you feeling better?"
We go back and forth for a while. We have a test tonight so I say
"Want to get on Skype and study together?"
She replies "Well I'm in the library so I'm not sure how people would feel about me talking a lot."
So I just say "K ttyl"
There is a 15 minute pause and she says "Oh. Ok then."
Um. That doesn't sound good to me. It sounds like she wanted me to say something else but I'm not sure what?
What should I do?
This is a dating-age emergency, this just happening.
Did I just blow it?
edit: I texted back "oh, did you want to meet up? I'm still at home."
and she sent back "No, it's fine. Whatever you want to do."
=/
Last night she said we should meet up today but she said in the afternoon.
Mortimer Brewster
Member
I'd text her back and say you'd be happy having a study partner and either suggest you go to her or her to you. You sometimes need to just throw yourself out there and not be afraid to get cut off
youngwerther
Banned
I said "you can come study with me at my place, or we can just meet up after class"
all she said was "Are you studying right now?"
....
oh god she's coming over
what have i done
i'm terrified
all she said was "Are you studying right now?"
....
oh god she's coming over
what have i done
i'm terrified
Mortimer Brewster
Member
Just relax and go with the flow. Don't overthink things.
You know well enough that I'm probably the worst person to give you advice, but you really do sound like you're over thinking things. I guess you're really attracted to this girl? Kepp calm and things will be fine.
I think I read it wrong. Let me see if I understand: you broke up but remained friends, then you convinced her to break up with her new bf because he was a prick, then you tried to pur some distance between you and her so that you could get rid of your feelings and actually be friends, but it didn't work so you told her you still had feelings for her and that kind of wrecked it. I think that was the gist of it?
Yeah I've done that last bit before. I lucked out though because after I told her about the feelings I played it off like it didn't matter, so things immediately went back to normal. We still hang out nearly every week. In my case I can only do that because what I really just wanted was a companion, just someone I would like spending a lot of time with, so a close friend worked for that just as well as a gf would. If you're in it mainly for the romance aspect then I don't see being friends with an ex working all that well, so I'd say your decision was with good reason.
So recently, I've started developing feelings for a fwb. We've been doing more romantic things than I feel like fwbs do (slow dancing in my room, going out for dinners, etc.), but I also know that she's been seeing someone else beside me. I was going to tell her how I've been feeling on Halloween because we made out the night before (No. I wasn't going to show her Taylor Swift lyrics -only teasing Kopite- or give her an epic crown of sonnetts, I was just going to say "I'm curious how you feel about me because I want to understand you better" or something similar just because it kind of hurts to know that we do these things and then she does them with the other guy). We got drunk at this party, and I suggest going to go see a movie, and she says "I kinda wanna call the other guy", so I ask "are you two a thing?" and she says "I kinda like him." I didn't tell her how I felt, and I went back to our dorm after that. I think what I'm going to do is pull back completely. I still have to see her because she's a member of a club that I happen to be the president of, but I don't have to give her my time and attention. I intend to be cordial, but I don't intend to give her any power or headspace. I want someone who will enjoy spending time with me the same amount I do with them. I'd always have to ask her to hang out and contact her first. She'd show signs of interest, but I'd rather be with someone who wants me more or as much as I want them. What do you think, GAF? Is pulling away and ignoring her a good plan? I can tell she can kind of sense my indifference, she noticed that I was gone all weekend and I never told her I was leaving or that I left and she just has this vibe when I'm around her...What's that mean?
Mortimer Brewster
Member
Even the most rational person because irrational when dealing with a girl they like. Improbably shouldn't be given advice either since I'm stuck on the roller coaster with the girl I like , while she sorts out her feelings and decides if she wants to try and work things out with me.
NeOak
Member
No no. I was talking about staying close friends with someone you developed feelings for in general. She and my ex are two different people. I was referring to someone who I got close to, developed feelings after that and since then it has been a rollercoaster.
I think we both got confused lol.
forknknife
Banned
Another thing to add to the long list of things I'm horrible at: breaking up with someone. I'm a total douchebag, i feel like the worst person in this planet
Another thing to add to the long list of things I'm horrible at: breaking up with someone. I'm a total douchebag, i feel like the worst person in this planet
Just think of it this way: If you never broke it off with her, you'd only be holding her back from finding someone happy with her. Plus, you'd be staying miserable.
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