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[level_e11even]

Ok GAF help me out with this. Went one a nice date with a cute chick. Took her to a swanky bar in town where things were going well and she told me she was having a great time and she would like to hang out more. I asked to go to walk to another bar and she agreed. I held her hand on the way there. After a drink, she decided to go home to check on kids and I walked her to the car. I went in for the kiss and we made out for few minutes. I had a great feeling afterwards and thought this could go somewhere.

We texted each other for a few days and talked on the phone as well. I asked her out next weekend but she was busy. Said we'll go out the week after. Called her the week after and she said yes but only if her mom could babysit the kids. Apparently she could not and she was very sorry about that and said lets look at doing something next week.

Next week I text her a few times and called once but no response and I have no idea why. For some reason she has completely disappeared.

She is 4 years older than me and has 2 kids. Not sure if that has something to do with it.

I'm thinking I should let it go.

First of all, my man for going for the kiss! People usually overthink things and never do it.

As for the actual issue. You don't seem to know all the facts. I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet.

She doesn't seem like someone who would lose interest after making out on the first date. Most guys, like I said, rarely ever go for the kiss. But most women actually want them to (assuming the date went well). If she agreed to meet you it means she already is physically attracted; and if she agreed to make out with you, it means the date went well (which indirectly means she's now attracted to who you are).

Having 2 kids can certainly put a dent on your free time. Especially if you don't pay for nanny. Personally, it seems to me like she just hasn't had time. That is, unless you're forgetting something that might have happened? However little?

As a single mom with two kids with what I assume a full-time job, I can't imagine why she'd risk finding someone else having met you, time constraints and all.

My advice is, try again. Give her some reasonable time. If you really start getting the vibe she's just ignoring you, then bail.

I still feel we don't know the whole thing yet. Her reaction seemed positive, and single parents (especially women) don't go around making out with people on first dates unless there's something. At that stage life has burned you enough to know to take your time to get to know the other person and avoid previous mistakes.

 

[level_e11even]

Good, that's how I see it too. And I don't really even want to text. I'm not a text person, and I don't think she is either. Texting her would serve little other purpose than fishing for affirmation that she is still interested.

I guess the reason I may have wanted to text was to signal interest, but why should I want to do that? If she doesn't want to meet me again a text wouldn't change anything, and if she does, there is no harm in letting her wonder a bit.

Indeed.

Life is so much easier when you start realizing YOU are the most important person, isn't? You are not doing this for her, but for yourself. And benefit only comes if she's able to reciprocate. If she doesn't then simply look for that interest someone else. Indifference is key.

If you meet someone and she finds out, she'll probably want you then. Which means you'll probably have the good kind of problem.

As for the texting. It's possible she was just busy. Your initial assessment is correct. Don't contact her for while, try to gauge her level of interest.

Pro-tip: If you do text, try to text a reasonably equal amount of content as the one you receive. So if she sends you a one word reply, you send her the same, or less. If she sends a one paragraph reply, you replicate. It keeps things leveled, and when you do want to escalate, not only she won't find it as too much (as you have sent an equal amount as her so far), it will also serve to see how engaged she is in the conversation. This is particularly useful at this stage where you're trying to distance yourself from a "clingy" image, but it still works for anyone.

 

[beat]

It seemed like it was pretty obvious to me but I hear what you're saying. It's difficult when you're in an office environment though. I don't want to pester her when she might not be at all interested. I don't want to make her uncomfortable at work.

That's a completely valid concern.

That said, co-workers go out for drinks after work or out to lunch all the time. Maybe try that?

 

[(._.)]

So I playfully and confidently said "Can we date?" to a girl I've been talking to here and there and she said "we could if you asked me out" and I then did and I think we're gonna go on a date

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

Well B and I had a big fight this morning about things and I told her unless she wants to meet up and talk things over and try and work it out that it is goodbye for me. I'm so mad and frustrated right now but I need to move on. She's not interested in trying to make it work so there is nothing I can do.

 

[EvaristeG]

How do you make the difference between getting out of the honeymoon phase, and getting bored by your GF GAF ? Never had a long relationship before. Been with my girlfriend for 9 months... starting to get a little bored. I'm a little more annoyed by little things she does, and I don't miss her as much as before. I tried to spend more time alone, as we really spend a lot of time together, but I don't think it helped, as it was nice to reunite with her, but I don't think I missed her as much as she did. Was only a very short time though, and I was glad to leave her to be on my own again. She didn't annoy me or anything though, we spend some quality time even, but still.
She didn't noticed anything by the way, I'm still the same around her, maybe we have a little more fights now, but they're about small details, and I tried to cool it down for weeks. It's still a happy relationship overall... but I don't feel as excited and happy than in the beginning. Been feeling like that all of a sudden for a couple of weeks only, it's strange, less than a month ago I was still excited just to think about her.
I've been really busy and stressed these days so it might be just that. And deep inside, I know that I love her the same. But I kinda feel guilty about this. I try to be just the same person with her and it works since she didn't noticed anything (she usually notices any changes on my part) The guilt and the confusion are really bothering me more than anything right now.

 

[Xun]

The past couple of weeks I've seemed to have gotten a few more looks when going out, but I still can't see to put anything into practice.

I've been like this for years, and it's almost as if I've given up caring anymore... :/

I really do fear I'll be like this forever.

Looks don't get numbers
Looks open you up to conversations
That gets you somewhere.

Just say something interesting and know that if you fuck up it doesn't matter Cus you don't know that person anyways

I know what you're saying, but I can't mutter up the confidence to do anything about it. I'm too self concious of my looks, and I honestly have no idea what I'd say beyond “hi”.

Even last night the same thing happened, and the same loop I've been in for the past 4 or so years happened once again. I always look forward to going out at night, but even though I go out without any intentions I leave dissapointed that I've not progressed at all in some way.

I'm fucking fed up with it, and I'm fed up with complaining about it too.

 

[GK86]

How do you make the difference between getting out of the honeymoon phase, and getting bored by your GF GAF ? Never had a long relationship before. Been with my girlfriend for 9 months... starting to get a little bored. I'm a little more annoyed by little things she does, and I don't miss her as much as before. I tried to spend more time alone, as we really spend a lot of time together, but I don't think it helped, as it was nice to reunite with her, but I don't think I missed her as much as she did. Was only a very short time though, and I was glad to leave her to be on my own again. She didn't annoy me or anything though, we spend some quality time even, but still.
She didn't noticed anything by the way, I'm still the same around her, maybe we have a little more fights now, but they're about small details, and I tried to cool it down for weeks. It's still a happy relationship overall... but I don't feel as excited and happy than in the beginning. Been feeling like that all of a sudden for a couple of weeks only, it's strange, less than a month ago I was still excited just to think about her.
I've been really busy and stressed these days so it might be just that. And deep inside, I know that I love her the same. But I kinda feel guilty about this. I try to be just the same person with her and it works since she didn't noticed anything (she usually notices any changes on my part) The guilt and the confusion are really bothering me more than anything right now.

Sounds like the honeymoon phase is over more than you are getting bored. I think you need to think long and hard about your relationship going forward. And for the love of god, sit her down and talk with her instead of putting on a fake show for her.

 

[EvaristeG]

Sounds like the honeymoon phase is over more than you are getting bored. I think you need to think long and hard about your relationship going forward. And for the love of god, sit her down and talk with her instead of putting on a fake show for her.

I'm not putting a fake show. The time I spend with her is good. It's just that I'm not as excited as before. And sometimes I get annoyed for little things. I don't want to talk to her about it since it seems to soon. It's nothing unbearable, but like I said it makes me feel guilty and somehow lost.

 

[GK86]

I'm not putting a fake show. The time I spend with her is good. It's just that I might not as excited as before. And sometimes I get annoyed for little things.

" I try to be just the same person with her and it works since she didn't noticed anything (she usually notices any changes on my part) "

And sweating the little stuff happens to every couple.

 

[stn]

@Xun

Try this. Its what I like to do. Go to a club or bar and find a group with 2-3 girls. The more girls there are the easier it will be for you to communicate and for them to be at ease. Try this:

"Hey, sorry, are you girls from around here?"
*Answer
"I'm new to this area. What's the best place to find a good after-party?"
*Answer

At this point they will ask you where you're from if they're even slightly intrigued. If they ask a question, make some stuff up and run with it. If they give you details but don't ask questions, politely thank them and move on!

Once you're comfortable talking to small groups, lower the number of girls involved. Eventually you will get to 1. Also, drink a bit beforehand if you need to. Don't get drunk, just get mellow and relaxed.

 

[EvaristeG]

" I try to be just the same person with her and it works since she didn't noticed anything (she usually notices any changes on my part) "

And sweating the little stuff happens to every couple.

I was refering to the moments when I'm annoyed. Altough she did notice sometimes since we were fighting for small, insignificant things on a regular basis like two weeks ago. But it stopped because I started to manage my frustration better since then.

 

[GK86]

I was refering to the moments when I'm annoyed. Altough she did notice sometimes since we were fighting for small, insignificant things on a regular basis like two weeks ago. But it stopped because I started to manage my frustration better since then.

Ahh dude, then you are definitely over the honeymoon phase. You will be fine.

Edit- Just pick your battles/fights and let go of the small stuff as much as possible. My ex and me fought way, way to often. Shit isn't healthy.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

Do you people try to date multiple people at once? Somehow, that doesn't feel right to me, and maybe a bit dishonest. But I do know a couple of girls I would like to ask out.

So, aside from the girl I have been dating, there are two girls at work that I kind of like, that I think may like me. They may just be friendly, but they always seem happy to talk to me when we meet, and I get a sort of flirty vibe when I talk to them. They are both in a different division than me, so we don't get much chance to speak, on average maybe half an hour every week.

So let's call them girl A and B. First time I met A at a department coffee, I was a bit smitten by her. Aside from her being quite good-looking, I really enjoyed talking to her. She is very intelligent and easy-going, so every time, it is just a blast talking with her.

B is more the sensitive type. I have randomly ran into her a lot more often, so I've had more chances to speak to her and feel I have connected with her a bit more, even though I don't know a lot about her either. I do know she seems quite interested in music, like me, and has good taste.

I have reason to believe that A and I will be going to the same meeting next week, so that could be a chance for me to try and chat her up. Since she is the fun and easy-going type, if I get the right vibe, I think I could try the "So when are you gonna let me take you out" line and be able to play it off as a joke/not a big deal if she's not at all interested.

B mentioned that she likes to go the gym at work, to a certain group training session that I have wanted to try out for a while, for my own sake. So that could be a good chance to meet up with her and get to talk to her a bit more. But I think I would have to go a bit slower with her than with A.

So, intellectually I really connect with A, and emotionally a bit more with B, but both are awesome. So what is holding me back?

Complication: Both girls work really closely together and are best friends. If I ask one of them out, but it's the other one who likes me, that could screw up my chances with the one who does like me. Or if both actually do like me, that could lead to drama. Doesn't help that almost every time I meet them, they are with each other. That's why I'm glad that I may have found avenues to speak with them, individually. The whole situation makes me a bit wary of making a move, and then this girl who I'm dating swept into my life, and I think I really like her. So, I'm thinking I shouldn't make too much of a move with the girls at work until I have figured out whether me and the girl I have been dating can work out.

 

[Leeness]

Well B and I had a big fight this morning about things and I told her unless she wants to meet up and talk things over and try and work it out that it is goodbye for me. I'm so mad and frustrated right now but I need to move on. She's not interested in trying to make it work so there is nothing I can do.

Sorry man

 

[TylerD]

Well B and I had a big fight this morning about things and I told her unless she wants to meet up and talk things over and try and work it out that it is goodbye for me. I'm so mad and frustrated right now but I need to move on. She's not interested in trying to make it work so there is nothing I can do.

Would probably have been better to just leave it alone, as hard as it seems.

 

[EvaristeG]

Ahh dude, then you are definitely over the honeymoon phase. You will be fine.

Edit- Just pick your battles/fights and let go of the small stuff as much as possible. My ex and me fought way, way to often. Shit isn't healthy.

I think at this point I'm more worried about having doubts than anything. Guilt and confusion like I said, it makes it really hard to see it through.

 

[etrain911]

You are clearly conflicted about your own behaviour, as these last two sentences show and contradict each other: on one hand you want her to date only you, in the meantime you want to keep dating other people. That's the purest form of a double standard if I ever saw one.
If she has self-esteem issues, it MAY work: but if she is manipulating you for validation, as in "I will now show the world that I can convert a guy from poliamory to monogamy, because I'm such a wonderful, mystical creature" as soon as you'll back off from this attitude ("I can't date other girls, but you can't date other guys") like all of a sudden you stop dating other girls to show her "she changed you" or "how much you love her", you'll loose her.



That's what I also was suggesting and IMO it's the best way to handle it.

Honestly, the only reason I'm even going out on these dates is because I know that the best way to get over a person is to find that you can feel the same kinship with other people. I like to think that some people understand that principle which is why you hear about "rebound guys" and the like. It's a version of "she's really not that special in the spectrum of things." It's not that I'd LIKE to be dating other people or even that I find these dates all that meaningful. It's more a coping mechanism and a way to see if I can find someone different that I also feel some kind of fondness towards (I don't lead anyone on though, all of these have been first dates rather than continuously seeing and leading on a single human being). The books! Right now, I've been really digging "The 3% Man". The book has taught me a lot including that texting should be reserved for setting up times for dates when you're first meeting someone so that you're not texting them more than you're actually seeing them. He takes a lot of principles that one finds from Brent Smith and the other PUA people (I dislike them, but some people have found their advice useful and some of it genuinely is), but he applies them towards having a successful monogamous relationship. Haha, as for the club presidency: The BDSM and kink aspects are actually why I'm president. I had a short thing with a girl over the summer who goes to my college, but left for study-abroad. The club was hers but she needed someone to watch over her club while she was gone. (She was actually my first taste of poly, but I didn't have any feelings towards her so it was a lot easier to handle knowing she had a boyfriend and such). She comes back in Spring so this is all super-temporary. Anyway, I think you're right. I have my last club meeting of the quarter on Tuesday, so I'm planning on sitting her down after and talking to her. I'm going to tell her that I kinda like her and I think she kinda likes me too, but that I can tell she has deeper feelings for the other guy and that I don't think it's healthy for me to remain friends while I have these desires, but that if things don't work out between them, she can feel free to call me.

 

[NeOak]

Do you people try to date multiple people at once? Somehow, that doesn't feel right to me, and maybe a bit dishonest. But I do know a couple of girls I would like to ask out.

So, aside from the girl I have been dating, there are two girls at work that I kind of like, that I think may like me. They may just be friendly, but they always seem happy to talk to me when we meet, and I get a sort of flirty vibe when I talk to them. They are both in a different division than me, so we don't get much chance to speak, on average maybe half an hour every week.

So let's call them girl A and B. First time I met A at a department coffee, I was a bit smitten by her. Aside from her being quite good-looking, I really enjoyed talking to her. She is very intelligent and easy-going, so every time, it is just a blast talking with her.

B is more the sensitive type. I have randomly ran into her a lot more often, so I've had more chances to speak to her and feel I have connected with her a bit more, even though I don't know a lot about her either. I do know she seems quite interested in music, like me, and has good taste.

I have reason to believe that A and I will be going to the same meeting next week, so that could be a chance for me to try and chat her up. Since she is the fun and easy-going type, if I get the right vibe, I think I could try the "So when are you gonna let me take you out" line and be able to play it off as a joke/not a big deal if she's not at all interested.

B mentioned that she likes to go the gym at work, to a certain group training session that I have wanted to try out for a while, for my own sake. So that could be a good chance to meet up with her and get to talk to her a bit more. But I think I would have to go a bit slower with her than with A.

So, intellectually I really connect with A, and emotionally a bit more with B, but both are awesome. So what is holding me back?

Complication: Both girls work really closely together and are best friends. If I ask one of them out, but it's the other one who likes me, that could screw up my chances with the one who does like me. Or if both actually do like me, that could lead to drama. Doesn't help that almost every time I meet them, they are with each other. That's why I'm glad that I may have found avenues to speak with them, individually. The whole situation makes me a bit wary of making a move, and then this girl who I'm dating swept into my life, and I think I really like her. So, I'm thinking I shouldn't make too much of a move with the girls at work until I have figured out whether me and the girl I have been dating can work out.

Option C: don't dip in the company ink.

 

[Servbot24]

Do you people try to date multiple people at once? Somehow, that doesn't feel right to me, and maybe a bit dishonest. But I do know a couple of girls I would like to ask out.

If she's officially your girlfriend you shouldn't date anyone else.

As for your situation it sounds like you should just stick with the current girl and leave those two friends alone until you learn more about the current girl. Lot of risk with no payoff to ask either of them when you already have a steady. You'll meet plenty of girls you like, doesn't mean you have to ask them all out.

 

[GK86]

Complication: Both girls work really closely together and are best friends. If I ask one of them out, but it's the other one who likes me, that could screw up my chances with the one who does like me. Or if both actually do like me, that could lead to drama. Doesn't help that almost every time I meet them, they are with each other. That's why I'm glad that I may have found avenues to speak with them, individually. The whole situation makes me a bit wary of making a move, and then this girl who I'm dating swept into my life, and I think I really like her. So, I'm thinking I shouldn't make too much of a move with the girls at work until I have figured out whether me and the girl I have been dating can work out.

Tricky minefield with the women at your workplace. Especially because it is your workplace.

I think at this point I'm more worried about having doubts than anything. Guilt and confusion like I said, it makes it really hard to see it through.

That is why I said you need to think long and hard what you want from the relationship and the future. What are your doubts exactly?

 

[etrain911]

Do you people try to date multiple people at once? Somehow, that doesn't feel right to me, and maybe a bit dishonest. But I do know a couple of girls I would like to ask out.

So, aside from the girl I have been dating, there are two girls at work that I kind of like, that I think may like me. They may just be friendly, but they always seem happy to talk to me when we meet, and I get a sort of flirty vibe when I talk to them. They are both in a different division than me, so we don't get much chance to speak, on average maybe half an hour every week.

So let's call them girl A and B. First time I met A at a department coffee, I was a bit smitten by her. Aside from her being quite good-looking, I really enjoyed talking to her. She is very intelligent and easy-going, so every time, it is just a blast talking with her.

B is more the sensitive type. I have randomly ran into her a lot more often, so I've had more chances to speak to her and feel I have connected with her a bit more, even though I don't know a lot about her either. I do know she seems quite interested in music, like me, and has good taste.

I have reason to believe that A and I will be going to the same meeting next week, so that could be a chance for me to try and chat her up. Since she is the fun and easy-going type, if I get the right vibe, I think I could try the "So when are you gonna let me take you out" line and be able to play it off as a joke/not a big deal if she's not at all interested.

B mentioned that she likes to go the gym at work, to a certain group training session that I have wanted to try out for a while, for my own sake. So that could be a good chance to meet up with her and get to talk to her a bit more. But I think I would have to go a bit slower with her than with A.

So, intellectually I really connect with A, and emotionally a bit more with B, but both are awesome. So what is holding me back?

Complication: Both girls work really closely together and are best friends. If I ask one of them out, but it's the other one who likes me, that could screw up my chances with the one who does like me. Or if both actually do like me, that could lead to drama. Doesn't help that almost every time I meet them, they are with each other. That's why I'm glad that I may have found avenues to speak with them, individually. The whole situation makes me a bit wary of making a move, and then this girl who I'm dating swept into my life, and I think I really like her. So, I'm thinking I shouldn't make too much of a move with the girls at work until I have figured out whether me and the girl I have been dating can work out.

In the initial dating phase (I'd say anywhere from 1-4 dates or possibly more), I think it's kind of implied that you're not mutually exclusive. Especially when you've just met. That's the purpose of dating, really, to feel each other out and decide if you want to pursue becoming exclusive. As for dating people that you work with: if it doesn't work out, you will have to see them everyday. Think about that. If there's any animosity there, you will need to put up with it everyday. If there are any feelings there you will have to deal with them everyday at work. That just seems awful.

 

[EvaristeG]

That is why I said you need to think long and hard what you want from the relationship and the future. What are your doubts exactly?

Well, I fear that I'm bored of the relationship and/or her and that it's not just the honeymoon phase ending. It's all new territories to me because I never had a long relationship like that.
I have no particular reason to think that though, like I said I still care just the same about her. But I don't care that much from many things she has to say, and I don't enjoy going to her place, being excited about spending time with her, as I did before. I mean, I went from always excited/happy about her to that state of... fade, all of a sudden. It's very confusing. We both have a lof studying to do these days so it won't be hard to see each other less. I have meetings with friends planned for next week, too. I'll see if I end up missing her like I did before, and being excited about reuniting with her.

To sum it up, I know that : I love her. I enjoy spending time with her. I'm attracted to her. But since a few weeks, I've been : sometimes bored with her/what she has to say/our daily routine. I'm planning on spicing things up though but like I said these are stressful/busy times. Not the brightest moment of the year.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

If she's officially your girlfriend you shouldn't date anyone else.

As for your situation it sounds like you should just stick with the current girl and leave those two friends alone until you learn more about the current girl. Lot of risk with no payoff to ask either of them when you already have a steady. You'll meet plenty of girls you like, doesn't mean you have to ask them all out.

She's not a steady. We've only had two dates, and while they were both awesome, she has seemed a bit distant after the second one. See my previous posts on this page. But I'm pretty sure I'm worrying about nothing. She seemed to really like me and was probably just busy that one time. So I think I will wait until I get a chance to ask her out when she gets back from her trip before I make any move on anyone else.

Tricky minefield with the women at your workplace. Especially because it is your workplace.

Yeah, the potential combination of drama and workplace is sending up warning flags.

In the initial dating phase (I'd say anywhere from 1-4 dates or possibly more), I think it's kind of implied that you're not mutually exclusive. Especially when you've just met. That's the purpose of dating, really, to feel each other out and decide if you want to pursue becoming exclusive. As for dating people that you work with: if it doesn't work out, you will have to see them everyday. Think about that. If there's any animosity there, you will need to put up with it everyday. If there are any feelings there you will have to deal with them everyday at work. That just seems awful.

So, we are definitely in the initial phase. But still, what if you are feeling three or four different girls out with dates, and then you get a connection with two of them? Is it possible to do anything in this situation without someone coming off hurt? That's why I'm leaning towards thinking it's better to just date one person at a time, even early on.

If it weren't for the potential drama as well, I wouldn't be very worried about it being in the workplace. There are lots of young people here, and several people date or have dated co-workers. And in a normal work week, I probably wouldn't run into them more than once. But add in the potential drama as well...

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

Would probably have been better to just leave it alone, as hard as it seems.

Possibly but I wanted closure and I got it. Stranger things have happened but I think Thats the end of her and me and I'm just going to leave it alone. Though I wish even if it had been the end that we could have had one last face to face talk.

 

[Leeness]

Possibly but I wanted closure and I got it. Stranger things have happened but I think Thats the end of her and me and I'm just going to leave it alone. Though I wish even if it had been the end that we could have had one last face to face talk.

Yeah...that's what I wish had happened with that one guy I wanted to be good friends with. But I screwed it up and bye bye to him

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

Yeah...that's what I wish had happened with that one guy I wanted to be good friends with. But I screwed it up and bye bye to him

Yeah, unless she changes her mind about trying to make it work between us, I'm done with her. Its not how I wanted to get closure but it serves the same purpose.

 

[Leeness]

Yeah, unless she changes her mind about trying to make it work between us, I'm done with her. Its not how I wanted to get closure but it serves the same purpose.

I didn't even get a fight, I just got the cold shoulder

Oh well... You're talking to other girls now, right? Anyone interesting?

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

I didn't even get a fight, I just got the cold shoulder

Oh well... You're talking to other girls now, right? Anyone interesting?

Yeah there is the one girl but its still going to hurt for awhile having to say goodbye to B, but I had to do it for my own sanity. I needed that closure and I also realize that the only chance I might have of ever bringing her back is closing the door on her so I'm decisively gone from her life. I'll move on with my life and see what happens, I doubt I will ever hear from her again and I'm not going to go looking.

 

[potam]

Question for you guys since I don't understand girls/social interactions bewilder me:

Met a girl at the bar last night, played a game of ping pong with her, didn't really talk too much but I felt like we clicked. I ended up giving her my number as she was leaving. She didn't give me hers (I didn't ask for it, because I'm dumb), which I would usually take as a sign of failure. BUT, she ran back to double check my number, which I would take as a sign of success.

So GAF, what would you say the chances are that she calls me?

 

[Leeness]

Yeah there is the one girl but its still going to hurt for awhile having to say goodbye to B, but I had to do it for my own sanity. I needed that closure and I also realize that the only chance I might have of ever bringing her back is closing the door on her so I'm decisively gone from her life. I'll move on with my life and see what happens, I doubt I will ever hear from her again and I'm not going to go looking.

Good. Good luck man.

 

[Mortimer Brewster]

Good. Good luck man.

Thanks, I couldn't just wait around for B to do something the realist in me doubted she'd do. If anything is going to change between her and me it won't happen unless I move on and only if its meant to be. If its as I suspect, its not meant to be, then by moving on I can continue looking for the right girl.

 

[Delicious Waffles]

Question for you guys since I don't understand girls/social interactions bewilder me:

Met a girl at the bar last night, played a game of ping pong with her, didn't really talk too much but I felt like we clicked. I ended up giving her my number as she was leaving. She didn't give me hers (I didn't ask for it, because I'm dumb), which I would usually take as a sign of failure. BUT, she ran back to double check my number, which I would take as a sign of success.

So GAF, what would you say the chances are that she calls me?

I would think the fact she came back to double check gives you a good chance. However, not asking for her number, even when she came back to double check (maybe she came back on purpose, hoping you'd ask?), might set you back. Think of the positive though and see what happens.

 

[The Artful Dodger]

Question for you guys since I don't understand girls/social interactions bewilder me:

Met a girl at the bar last night, played a game of ping pong with her, didn't really talk too much but I felt like we clicked. I ended up giving her my number as she was leaving. She didn't give me hers (I didn't ask for it, because I'm dumb), which I would usually take as a sign of failure. BUT, she ran back to double check my number, which I would take as a sign of success.

So GAF, what would you say the chances are that she calls me?

She's interested. It's likely she'll call.

 

[potam]

I would think the fact she came back to double check gives you a good chance. However, not asking for her number, even when she came back to double check (maybe she came back on purpose, hoping you'd ask?), might set you back. Think of the positive though and see what happens.

Yeah. I was way too drunk to think on my feet. I had just assumed she'd have done one of those "let me call you really quick so you can have my number" things. When that didn't happen, I didn't want to seem too desperate.

 

[Leeness]

Thanks, I couldn't just wait around for B to do something the realist in me doubted she'd do. If anything is going to change between her and me it won't happen unless I move on and only if its meant to be. If its as I suspect, its not meant to be, then by moving on I can continue looking for the right girl.

Absolutely! It'll happen if you want to find someone!

 

[Delicious Waffles]

Yeah. I was way too drunk to think on my feet. I had just assumed she'd have done one of those "let me call you really quick so you can have my number" things. When that didn't happen, I didn't want to seem too desperate.

That's true. Didn't even think about that.

Regardless, the fact she came back to double check is a great sign. She wanted to make sure it was correct so I would think you're good.

 

[ericexpo]

.

 

[Minamu]

Yeah. I was way too drunk to think on my feet. I had just assumed she'd have done one of those "let me call you really quick so you can have my number" things. When that didn't happen, I didn't want to seem too desperate.

I think you're golden. Yeah it might look like a failure that you didn't get her number but what would you do with it anyway? Let her contact you, then you'll know for sure that she's interested in you in some fashion. Keep on doing that thing and you'll have no need for reaching out to girls yourself. The fact that you can't contact this one should be a liberating feeling because there's absolutely nothing you can do or obsess over. If you have a cool life, or want one, just keep practicing and let the avalanche of women come to you instead of you chasing them yourself.

 

[potam]

I think you're golden. Yeah it might look like a failure that you didn't get her number but what would you do with it anyway? Let her contact you, then you'll know for sure that she's interested in you in some fashion. Keep on doing that thing and you'll have no need for reaching out to girls yourself. The fact that you can't contact this one should be a liberating feeling because there's absolutely nothing you can do or obsess over. If you have a cool life, or want one, just keep practicing and let the avalanche of women come to you instead of you having them yourself.

You might just be right. Plus, in the past I've made some...questionable choices with girls' numbers.

Man, I just have to say that it felt so good being back out there, and getting some of my confidence back.

 

[Minamu]

You might just be right. Plus, in the past I've made some...questionable choices with girls' numbers.

Man, I just have to say that it felt so good being back out there, and getting some of my confidence back.

I made a typo by the end but I think you got the gist of it anyway. It's a balance act between taking action and being assertive and being pushy and chasing women. I think you did just fine and this way it's impossible to appear needy or creepy. Just make sure you don't lose your head over her potentially not remembering to contact you. It's easy to get trapped in head games with yourself and nothing good comes of it.

 

[Delicious Waffles]

I made a typo by the end but I think you got the gist of it anyway. It's a balance act between taking action and being assertive and being pushy and chasing women. I think you did just fine and this way it's impossible to appear needy or creepy. Just make sure you don't lose your head over her potentially not remembering to contact you. It's easy to get trapped in head games with yourself and nothing good comes of it.

That's me just trying to make an attempt to ask a girl out. I'm taking a few classes and there's a few girls I'm interested in but I just don't have the confidence whatsoever to pull the trigger. When I think about it, I go through all these scenarios in my head. The best is the fear of rejection and thinking it's a good idea to wait until the semester ends so, if they say no, I probably will never see them again so it's okay. However, it'll more than likely just lead me to not ask at all. This is the shit I think about it and it really sucks.

 

[Minamu]

That's me just trying to make an attempt to ask a girl out. I'm taking a few classes and there's a few girls I'm interested in but I just don't have the confidence whatsoever to pull the trigger. When I think about it, I go through all these scenarios in my head. The best is the fear of rejection and thinking it's a good idea to wait until the semester ends so, if they say no, I probably will never see them again so it's okay. However, it'll more than likely just lead me to not ask at all. This is the shit I think about it and it really sucks.

Yep, so unnecessary and self-defeating. It's probably your ego being afraid to step outside the comfort zone, yet it knows that's where all the cool shit happens. I made a conscious choice last night to not offer a lady friend of mine to sleep with me, it just felt too risky and awkward had she said no in front of friends and all. But I've also noticed that I'm probably also scared of success and thus afraid to pull the trigger to either take someone home or even skipping the approach entirely. It's just ridiculous!

 

[Delicious Waffles]

Yep, so unnecessary and self-defeating. It's probably your ego being afraid to step outside the comfort zone, yet it knows that's where all the cool shit happens. I made a conscious choice last night to not offer a lady friend of mine to sleep with me, it just felt too risky and awkward had she said no in front of friends and all. But I've also noticed that I'm probably also scared of success and thus afraid to pull the trigger to either take someone home or even skipping the approach entirely. It's just ridiculous!

Wow, this makes a lot of sense. I don't like stepping out of my comfort zone but, when I do, I realize that it's not so bad.

For example, in the beginning of the year in one of my classes, I just sat at a table at random since I didn't know anyone. A group of girls decided to sit at the same table since they came in late. They're all friends so it felt kind of awkward. However, over the semester, we had to do group stuff so I got all friendly with them.

One of the girls I like sits across from me. She's loud and has no problem expressing her opinion, which is the complete opposite of myself, being quiet and shy. Once I get to know you, the shyness goes away. However, over the past few weeks, I've been chatting with her more and more. Mainly, we joke around and I'm constantly making her laugh. We kinda got a couple of things in common. I found out her birthday is two days after mine, she lives relatively close to me, and has an iPhone 4 like myself and doesn't want to change it, which I don't either (not really super in common but whatever, haha). At one point, her friend said "why don't you two just get a room?" This girl laughed and I was all "uhhhhh," not able to say a word. It blew over quick but still, I couldn't help but blush and actually consider asking her out.

Thing is, like I said, she seems like the complete opposite of myself. Definitely likes going out, partying, stuff like that. I'm kinda not like that but, again, I like to stay in my comfort zone. Another thing she's said is she's always seems to go out with cops and it never works out well so she's put dating on the side for a while. I know I'm older than her, either by two or three years.

I think I may actually pull the trigger but how to do it keeps running through my head, which is leading to doubt that I'm the type of guy she'd ever consider going out with, considering what she's said, which makes me reluctant to attempt anything at all.

I hate being like this.

 

[level_e11even]

Wow, this makes a lot of sense. I don't like stepping out of my comfort zone but, when I do, I realize that it's not so bad.

For example, in the beginning of the year in one of my classes, I just sat at a table at random since I didn't know anyone. A group of girls decided to sit at the same table since they came in late. They're all friends so it felt kind of awkward. However, over the semester, we had to do group stuff so I got all friendly with them.

One of the girls I like sits across from me. She's loud and has no problem expressing her opinion, which is the complete opposite of myself, being quiet and shy. Once I get to know you, the shyness goes away. However, over the past few weeks, I've been chatting with her more and more. Mainly, we joke around and I'm constantly making her laugh. We kinda got a couple of things in common. I found out her birthday is two days after mine, she lives relatively close to me, and has an iPhone 4 like myself and doesn't want to change it, which I don't either (not really super in common but whatever, haha). At one point, her friend said "why don't you two just get a room?" This girl laughed and I was all "uhhhhh," not able to say a word. It blew over quick but still, I couldn't help but blush and actually consider asking her out.

Thing is, like I said, she seems like the complete opposite of myself. Definitely likes going out, partying, stuff like that. I'm kinda not like that but, again, I like to stay in my comfort zone. Another thing she's said is she's always seems to go out with cops and it never works out well so she's put dating on the side for a while. I know I'm older than her, either by two or three years.

I think I may actually pull the trigger but how to do it keeps running through my head, which is leading to doubt that I'm the type of guy she'd ever consider going out with, considering what she's said, which makes me reluctant to attempt anything at all.

I hate being like this.

They say opposites attract.

Now, let's be brutally honest here, all things being equal, would you even be considering "going out" with this girl if she weren't attractive? Because if you wouldn't then you're looking too far into this.

Every woman you meet is just a potential bang. Relationships occur when emotional feelings arise, and when you are the kind of person who sees sharing those feelings to someone who would reciprocate them. Sometimes to get to this point, you must get to know the person, obviously. But at deeper level than joking around in class. That's why it sometimes takes people a couple of dates to really find out if the other person is for them.

You see, your subconscious is telling you're not really compatible with her. This is all a game. Think, how do you know you've reached compatibility? Isn't it through interpersonal interaction? You've already interacted with her from what I can tell, so then you can be brutally honest with yourself and ask: "With everything that I know so far, do I think this girl is RELATIONSHIP material? Do I think she's the kind of woman I would be faithful to, share things with? And if I don't know enough, how much benefit of the doubt should I give her to see if pursuing this will have me find she's indeed that kind of woman?"

Those are the questions you should be asking. Because "going out" just sounds like you don't see much of a future other than hitting that and sticking around. And that's fine, just don't let your mind trick you into thinking that that's not the case as some sort of mechanism to avoid having to step out of your comfort zone. If you don't (yet) know what is it exactly that you want with this girl, then I recommend you don't let your mind think about what might be or might not be. Go at her like you just want her for the night. Don't think about emotional or personal compatibility just yet. That will come later, if at all. Just think about the fact that you want to spend time with her (and that clothes may not be involved).

This will make it easy, because you will know precisely what YOU want. Don't fool yourself into thinking that with everything you know so far, after having fucked her, you'll spend the rest of your life with her. Just go thinking you're going at her with an open mind, not necessarily seeking a relationship, but simply testing the waters. Things will flow naturally from there, if they have to.

 

[Denzar]

Well, it's over... We dated for 3 months. Everything went well until she started University. She just does not have the time to see me, made worse by the fact that we live quite far apart. She told me that a relationship would be super and that I truly am an amazing guy she would be able to love, but she just does not have the time to invest in this relationship. I'm going to miss her, she was the most beautiful girl I ever had the pleasure of dating. I wished her well and said I understood.

Somewhere, I hope we meet again (which I'm sure of) during a time in her life where she has time for me.


I also hope she's not full of shit.

 

[Guiberu]

They say opposites attract.

Now, let's be brutally honest here, all things being equal, would you even be considering "going out" with this girl if she weren't attractive? Because if you wouldn't then you're looking too far into this.

Every woman you meet is just a potential bang. Relationships occur when emotional feelings arise, and when you are the kind of person who sees sharing those feelings to someone who would reciprocate them. Sometimes to get to this point, you must get to know the person, obviously. But at deeper level than joking around in class. That's why it sometimes takes people a couple of dates to really find out if the other person is for them.

You see, your subconscious is telling you're not really compatible with her. This is all a game. Think, how do you know you've reached compatibility? Isn't it through interpersonal interaction? You've already interacted with her from what I can tell, so then you can be brutally honest with yourself and ask: "With everything that I know so far, do I think this girl is RELATIONSHIP material? Do I think she's the kind of woman I would be faithful to, share things with? And if I don't know enough, how much benefit of the doubt should I give her to see if pursuing this will have me find she's indeed that kind of woman?"

Those are the questions you should be asking. Because "going out" just sounds like you don't see much of a future other than hitting that and sticking around. And that's fine, just don't let your mind trick you into thinking that that's not the case as some sort of mechanism to avoid having to step out of your comfort zone. If you don't (yet) know what is it exactly that you want with this girl, then I recommend you don't let your mind think about what might be or might not be. Go at her like you just want her for the night. Don't think about emotional or personal compatibility just yet. That will come later, if at all. Just think about the fact that you want to spend time with her (and that clothes may not be involved).

This will make it easy, because you will know precisely what YOU want. Don't fool yourself into thinking that with everything you know so far, after having fucked her, you'll spend the rest of your life with her. Just go thinking you're going at her with an open mind, not necessarily seeking a relationship, but simply testing the waters. Things will flow naturally from there, if they have to.

This post sums up what I find horrendously wrong with modern day society, and the "dating" culture as a whole.

The guy has questions. There is no need for him to just "bang" this girl to figure anything out. It's a communication exercise, both internal and external. Whatever happened to just talking about things, rather than screwing something until they hopefully make more sense!?

Equally, if the question "...Do I think she's the kind of woman I would be faithful to...?" passes through anyone's mind, then they should not be in a relationship, with anyone, until they grow the hell up.

The emotional ramifications and potential damage to both parties, through this frivolous "banging" are much more dangerous than simply talking to someone to try and figure things out.

 

[stn]

@Guiberu

I don't think that's what he is saying. He's saying that the poster is placing too much emotional emphasis on a girl he barely knows. He's trying to justify his emotional attachment when he really just fancies her physically. I think this makes sense. Its not that he needs to bang her in order to figure things out, just that he should maintain a simpler approach in asking this girl out.

I was guilty of this myself just a month-or-so ago. I met this girl for a date, I thought we had a lot in common (childhood stuff, same area of work, etc...). For a time I was justifying her in my mind as "the one" since we had so much in common and could share a really interesting conversation. Then I came back down to Earth. The reality was and is that I just found her extremely physically attractive, and that all the other features were just a huge bonus.

My approach now is I go for who I find attractive, then let the personality issue flesh itself out. If both parts fit, I run with it. If not, well, I post in dating-age.

Or, maybe this post is completely wrong. We'll see what level_eleven says.

 

[giga]

Well, it's over... We dated for 3 months. Everything went well until she started University. She just does not have the time to see me, made worse by the fact that we live quite far apart. She told me that a relationship would be super and that I truly am an amazing guy she would be able to love, but she just does not have the time to invest in this relationship. I'm going to miss her, she was the most beautiful girl I ever had the pleasure of dating. I wished her well and said I understood.

Somewhere, I hope we meet again (which I'm sure of) during a time in her life where she has time for me.


I also hope she's not full of shit.

Sorry dude. Always sucks when they end a relationship because of nothing you did.

 

[Delicious Waffles]

They say opposites attract.

Now, let's be brutally honest here, all things being equal, would you even be considering "going out" with this girl if she weren't attractive? Because if you wouldn't then you're looking too far into this.

Every woman you meet is just a potential bang. Relationships occur when emotional feelings arise, and when you are the kind of person who sees sharing those feelings to someone who would reciprocate them. Sometimes to get to this point, you must get to know the person, obviously. But at deeper level than joking around in class. That's why it sometimes takes people a couple of dates to really find out if the other person is for them.

You see, your subconscious is telling you're not really compatible with her. This is all a game. Think, how do you know you've reached compatibility? Isn't it through interpersonal interaction? You've already interacted with her from what I can tell, so then you can be brutally honest with yourself and ask: "With everything that I know so far, do I think this girl is RELATIONSHIP material? Do I think she's the kind of woman I would be faithful to, share things with? And if I don't know enough, how much benefit of the doubt should I give her to see if pursuing this will have me find she's indeed that kind of woman?"

Those are the questions you should be asking. Because "going out" just sounds like you don't see much of a future other than hitting that and sticking around. And that's fine, just don't let your mind trick you into thinking that that's not the case as some sort of mechanism to avoid having to step out of your comfort zone. If you don't (yet) know what is it exactly that you want with this girl, then I recommend you don't let your mind think about what might be or might not be. Go at her like you just want her for the night. Don't think about emotional or personal compatibility just yet. That will come later, if at all. Just think about the fact that you want to spend time with her (and that clothes may not be involved).

This will make it easy, because you will know precisely what YOU want. Don't fool yourself into thinking that with everything you know so far, after having fucked her, you'll spend the rest of your life with her. Just go thinking you're going at her with an open mind, not necessarily seeking a relationship, but simply testing the waters. Things will flow naturally from there, if they have to.

To be totally honest, her looks really don't matter. I mean, she's pretty but I don't have the mentality of "holy crap, she's so ridiculously hot, I want to get in her pants ASAP! How can I make this happen?!" Attempting to bang is the furthest thing in my mind right now. I feel we have a connection just by what we've talked about in class over the semester, we're comfortable talking to one another, and I'd like to learn more. That's pretty much it.