PapaJustify
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Does "just stop talking to her" sound like a way to "break it off nicely"?
Just tell her you like her and think she's cool but you're not feeling it romantically.
DTLIONS1013
Member
As someone who blew hundreds of dollars on my last ex after we broke up, don't do it. You'll wish you had that money back when you two finally stop talking
electricshake
Member
Why do you want to have sex with someone you aren't attracted to?
manfestival
Member
Her body language was all over the place. Granted she lives with her sister but she asked me to come over the one day her sister is not there but whatever. I live alone so it's not really an issue of privacy for me as I have had my fair share of company at my place. I have always had a more passive approach and it has worked for me but im definitely more of an initiative taker when it comes to this lady.
am I allowed to text her this or does it have to be in person?
I'm 22 and its been a while. Since August actually.
and dat ass.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Depends. Do you want to remain friends with her? I'd say the nicest thing to do is tell her in person or on the phone. But if texting is acceptable in your social circles, I suppose it's okay.
electricshake
Member
Why not go for someone you are attracted to?
The Artful Dodger
Member
Lol, if he had that sorta confidence then he wouldn't be talking in Dating-Age GAF.
NeOak
Member
Nah not crazy man. It happens. You just need to give it space and time. Soon enough it'll pass and you'll get oneitis with someone with whom it's reciprocated.
beat
Member
You're not crazy, you just got hit by a crush that didn't work out. It happens.
I have met "the one" three to eight times in my life so far, depending how you want to count.
I think you might as well let yourself feel sad for a little while. Let yourself detox from the crush. It'll help if you think about her as little as possible for the next few weeks (or months, honestly.)
I met my ex at the club two saturdays ago. Friendly but pointless cold talk conversation. The wounds opened a bit, seeing her with a big hunk of a guy didn't help, but I got over it in a day or so. Then she writes me on Facebook on Friday saying it felt good to see me and hoped I had a good time last time. At least this time the wounds stayed closed, we actually had a pretty relaxed and dare I say it, a positive and entertaining conversation :O A bit strange though, she asked the exact same questions from last time, to which I responded exactly the same. Obviously cold talk before whatever else was coming. But nothing came. She never asked about my love life etc so I don't think she was prying and she has never been the type to look for validation and such. We talked for a day. But as soon as I suggested meeting up to talk over some food, she vanished without a word :lol Not that I'm super interested or anything, it was more of a test to see her reaction, really. Kinda weird though, right? She used to disappear like that when she didn't know how to respond. But I'm not gonna pry or reach out, seems pointless after an entire summer of chasing, right?
Exactly. If she has another guy that she's seeing, it isn't worth your time or aggravation. Your time is a gift (I'm saying this based on the fact that you seem like a jolly, funny, free-wheeling dude). Don't give to people who don't respect it or deserve it. It's simply their loss. The best part about the world is that there are 6.3 billion people in it and over half of them are women. The chances of finding someone you mesh with again are astronomically high.
Edit: It's kind of crazy how much this girl is pursuing me after I told her I didn't want to settle for platonicism. She apparently heard that I asked a friend of hers how she was taking things since she seemed super depressed every time I saw her this weekend, so she reached out over facebook to ask me if I'm doing alright. I replied that I was fine and that I was just curious because she seemed super sad. She replied that it was because she had finals stuff going on. Right. I wished her a happy break and she is now trying to drag out the conversation by asking me questions. It's crazy how much success you get when you're able to successfully detatch.
I promise you I do. I am attracted to this girls personality and ass, nothing else. She also has connections to my favorite NFL team. So there's that.
anyways Saturday my boy and I are supposed to meet up with a couple girls I am physically attracted to haha. They're actually pretty cool too.
lol
Etrian Oddity
Member
I would have imagined that question wasn't warranted when a person makes as much sexual innuendo and copping feels like she did.
Very little, we went dutch for the most part so it wasn't like I got taken advantage of. I'm just frustrated at the turn of events, I suppose. But yes, dodged a bullet indeed.
Something that I've found to work is to sneak in a "Do you/did you go there with your bf?" or something similar when you ask about a place/activity. Just to be sure.
Damn. Double post.
She had someone new in one form or another in less than 2 weeks after I disappeared earlier this year. But I think he turned down her request for a relationship and just wanted to bang her I guess so she was talking an awful lot to me in the meantime. I have no idea what her relationship status is like now. I'm not gonna ask, I just assumed, and said as much, that she wants to get to know me again and we could get together and talk irl instead of over facebook. Judging from her past behavior with going silent, the guy is still there in some form and/or she is still adamant about not getting hurt again. But I will not push, like you said there are billions of women out there, so if she wants to talk or do something, it's up to her, I've done my fair share of fighting for us and she never ever reciprocated so I'm done with that for the foreseeable future
Thanks for the kind words, that's nice of you 
I'm not perfect in any way, but I try hard to see life as something positive and time is indeed a gift in many ways. Good luck with the girl, seems like it's going pretty well at the time being. Detachment is such a wonderful thing, isn't it? She wouldn't let me though. I can't just say "Give me your bills". And she IS my best friend. It ended on painful terms but not bad terms. We've never had a single fight. I dunno, I'll see how I feel closer to Xmas. I won't spend a ton. I'm thinking a $100 Amazon voucher or something, not something huge.
If you're just being friendly and helping out a friend in need, who cares if it's your ex? It doesn't sound like you have a hidden agenda behind your gift so why not go for it? IF you have the money to spare, at least.
Give to give, people. It doesn't matter who it's for!
RedNalgene
Member
My point is you need to make sure you're separating her into the "friend" category. She can't in any way, shape, or form be more than that when you either give her a gift or loan her money. Just make sure whatever you do for her you'd do for your best non-ex-gf, unless of course you want her to be your gf again and you're trying to get back in there.
And yes, I have helped my friends pay their bills when they were struggling. I didn't expect to see the money back, but in some cases they've paid me back when they've had the means to. In other cases they haven't and that's totally fine, I helped them out because that's what friends do. At some point in the future maybe they will return the favor when I'm in need. I don't think I'd ever give one of my best friends a gift card just because he's broke, I'd help him with something that is stressing him out because he's broke. Giving him a gift card when he's struggling with money would seem ....awkward..... but maybe that's just me
kittoo
Cretinously credulous
GAF I need some help. There is a girl in my office who I like and I feel she also likes me. There are some hints. I hope I am not projecting my wishes in observing her behavior, but I genuinely feel there is some spark. She laughs even at my shitty jokes, have caught her catching glances at me a few times etc. The usual signs.
But I dont know how to take it further and escalate things. Any suggestions?
But I dont know how to take it further and escalate things. Any suggestions?
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Ask her out?
Etrian Oddity
Member
TurboLibre
Member
Okay, gotcha. I read that all wrong and thought you were saying you don't buy gifts for friends (so you shouldn't for her), and paying one of her bills was a better alternative. Or something. Thought it was weird, but I've read crazier stuff.
I'm just gonna incorporate that question into my new approach strategy.
Dear God that was creepy. That first one was smooth, but it just went downhill from there.
I'm just gonna incorporate that question into my new approach strategy.
I'm pretty sure the first one was just the intro to a porno.
UltimaPooh
Member
They are fake.
Out of Working Order
Member
Why are women reading my messages on okcupid, and then not even looking at my profile? And my messages aren't just 'How you?' or 'Shit, you're hot'. I show interest in what they've written on their profiles and maybe ask one question. And no, I don't ramble on or write an essay.
It's frustrating because I seem to be getting nowhere.
It's frustrating because I seem to be getting nowhere.
beat
Member
It seems to me like a lot of guys in this thread are implicitly asking "what is the magic risk-eliminating step between hitting it off with someone and asking them out?" But as far as I know, there isn't one. Just ask them out.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Exactly. But at some point you have to man-up and ask. No matter what a lot of women say about being treated equal to men and so on, most of them still want us to be the ones to ask them out.
What do you write?
Post one. I can tell you, at least for me, what I found to be "yes", "no", "maybe reply" or "Jesus god delete delete" messages.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Well, people said that my interest in movies would never get me laid. And it hasn't yet of course but owning the fact that I've seen 1140 movies in my life in an opening message to a girl on a dating site actually made her respond (common interest opener) :lol I remembered I had an account on a small local site that I've forgotten to remove so I decided to check it out and write to a couple of women. And I even got one to open me for the first time ever. Not my type but I'm not one to ignore messages and she has a cool job I want to hear more about
Out of Working Order
Member
Here's three I sent to separate women.
She said she 'tinkers' with 'all sorts of cool' machines in her job. Figured I'd ask about them.
This was my second message (she replied to my first message), but didn't get a response to this one.
I tried to be fun in this message:
She mentioned liking cheese several times in her profile, saying you'd have to like cheese to get on with her. Figured I'd play on that. Guess it went terribly wrong.
What sort of men do women want? Why is it so damned hard to get anyone's interest?
Or they just don't feel like replying. I doubt they went EUGH and actively said "NO I WILL NOT REPLY TO HIM".
Most likely more like "Man, I got a few messages today...but I have to go to work. Meh."
It does happen. They don't look like bad messages. Could be even shorter though
Like...the painting thing, looking at surreal paintings or whatever, leave that out, that's something to discuss when you meet. Like a lot of these things, it's more interesting to talk about them when you meet. So you more want to give a quick message that opens to meeting them. Or at least, that's what I think.
Like, cheese-girl, "let's go and eat an assortment of cheese together and compare our findings".
I'm not witty. But I'd say you want to keep it really light until you meet, otherwise you'll be like "man I already talked about the cheese, what the hell else do we discuss?" or "jeez she already told me about her job...what now?"
Sorry, babbling. I closed my online-dating accounts, but that's just stuff I noticed while I was on them.
Good luck!
Out of Working Order
Member
Or they just don't feel like replying. I doubt they went EUGH and actively said "NO I WILL NOT REPLY TO HIM".
Most likely more like "Man, I got a few messages today...but I have to go to work. Meh."
It does happen. They don't look like bad messages. Could be even shorter though
Like...the painting thing, looking at surreal paintings or whatever, leave that out, that's something to discuss when you meet. Like a lot of these things, it's more interesting to talk about them when you meet. So you more want to give a quick message that opens to meeting them. Or at least, that's what I think.
Like, cheese-girl, "let's go and eat an assortment of cheese together and compare our findings".
I'm not witty. But I'd say you want to keep it really light until you meet, otherwise you'll be like "man I already talked about the cheese, what the hell else do we discuss?" or "jeez she already told me about her job...what now?"
Sorry, babbling. I closed my online-dating accounts, but that's just stuff I noticed while I was on them.
Good luck!
I mean, don't people message for weeks before they meet? I would have thought they'd go pretty in-depth with their messages over that time?
Thanks, though - I appreciate the input.
Messages should be of equal length, at least at the start. Long messages only really mean one thing. You have enough spare time on your hands to write them. On the other hand, it's also a good way to gauge your girl's interest in the current topic. If she all of a sudden starts writing longer responses compared to usually, you know you've caught her interest in some way. Same goes for both sexes.
beat
Member
(not really on topic) The evil fault-finder in me thinks that cheese response was kind analogous to saying to a Star Wars fan "I really love Ewoks too!" I could be wrong, I'm not much of a cheese fan myself, but I think people who talk about cheese a lot are people who eat cheese, not pizza. (I'm sure they eat pizza too, but when I say they eat cheese, I mean esp what I think of is people who just eat a variety of cheeses as a snack, maybe -- maybe ! -- with some crackers, probably with some wine.)
I don't get many replies either, so don't listen to me.
I don't get many replies either, so don't listen to me.
I'd say try and meet ASAP. Don't be weird about it, but try to meet and talk about the things you want to talk about in person. Talking about it online is just...you talk about it and then it's weird retreading over it in person. I dunno.
The one guy I had great rapport with, I started the convo because he said he loved Disneyland, I said "That's so refreshing that a guy loves Disneyland without humouring someone else".
He said "we should meet and talk about everything Disneyland related for as long as we can."
Other than that, we just exchanged a couple of pleasantries and numbers and a time and date.
And then we met and talked about everything (and disneyland) for about 9 hours.
So I invited the girl I sit next to in class to join me for lunch - just to the cafeteria on campus. Everyone I talked to couldn't believe I didn't buy her lunch.
Obviously, on Monday I have to try and rectify this situation. I guess I'm asking for advice on the best course of action.
I feel I should also mention this a literally the first time I've made the first move. All past relationships began with them initiating. It took a lot for me to even invite her to join me (is it necessary to make the distinction that I didn't ask, "will you have lunch with me?"). We had a basic lunch of sandwiches and talked a bit about Thanksgiving plans and family. I didn't get her number, but am planning this into Monday's apology / make-up lunch invitation (basically "I would really like to buy you lunch this time" after some form of apology) .
Obviously, on Monday I have to try and rectify this situation. I guess I'm asking for advice on the best course of action.
I feel I should also mention this a literally the first time I've made the first move. All past relationships began with them initiating. It took a lot for me to even invite her to join me (is it necessary to make the distinction that I didn't ask, "will you have lunch with me?"). We had a basic lunch of sandwiches and talked a bit about Thanksgiving plans and family. I didn't get her number, but am planning this into Monday's apology / make-up lunch invitation (basically "I would really like to buy you lunch this time" after some form of apology) .
I wouldn't worry about you not buying her lunch. If she likes you it shouldn't effect her opinion of you. Apologizing for not buying her lunch would just come off as creepy IMO. Just forget about it and move on to the next date.
And get her number ASAP man!!
Thanks, I was kind of surprised by the unanimous response to us buying our separate lunches. First "date" platonic, next show my interest, next - go for dinner date. That's basically my game plan. Yeah, I was mostly shocked she agreed to lunch so I flubbed of getting the digits, but in class she is usually amiable and tries to start conversation, so I'm confident the exchange will happen.
PflargBlarg
Member
Meh, people get so hung up on this idea that the guy must pay for stuff or else it's catastrophic. If a girl loses all interest in you because you didn't pay for a basic lunch then you wouldn't want up in that any way.
AdventureRacing
Member
Apologizing for not buying her lunch would be pretty pathetic imo. Sounds like you know what you're doing so hopefully it goes well.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Just buy her lunch next time. Don't sweat it.
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