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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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This is Neogaf dude
NeOak
Member
PflargBlarg
Member
I can never say for sure, but almost definitely no. It's a very important part of a relationship for most people and it just wouldn't be the same without it. My gf and I have pretty similar sex drives and we're usually going at it twice or more a day if possible. The thing is, it's not like you're the only asexual person out there. It's definitely a somewhat rare thing, but they're out there, and it won't be impossible for you to find someone who feels the same.
Omegasquash
Member
Well that turned out exactly as I thought it would. That said, she's likely to have her pick of folks on GAF, so maybe it's a good thing that she told the world her interests.
Omegasquash
Member
I'm not saying I hate you, but if you were sitting next to me at a bar I'd call you a dirty son of a bitch and make sure a drink of mine ended up on your tab.
Sounds very similar to me. I like weekends to play video games but it gets tiring after doing the same thing for weeks which is why the weekends I get to go out to a bar with company are refreshing. I hate going home at the end of the day when I don't have anything to look forward to doing at home so I walk around mid town.
Any way, given that said you don't like going to bar, I'm hosting a meet up on the 21st at a bar any way. The thread's out there somewhere. You're welcome to come out to meet new people if nothing else.
I suppose I would recommend you try out Sci-Fi Speed Dating at next year's NYCC or go to gaming related events around the city e.g. Indie Cade next February, NYU Game Center events, drawing events, etc. You can easily meet people there which is what I do.
I would say to make meeting women a secondary thing and focus on having fun first when you head out to events. You don't want to put any pressure on yourself. I've found that having gone out on my own and applying said advice, I've met people in the moment but didn't get anybody's contact information. The best thing about being single is that you have time to do whatever you want without having any commitments. Sure every now then, they happen but you roll with it.
There's also a recent board game coffee shop that opened up recently somewhere in Lower Manhattan whose name escapes me. I'm sure that's a good place to meet people at since they have all types of games there.
With my case, I don't actively seek out women let alone gamer girls even though I'm still in college and there's plenty of attractive girls in the halls. I've met my share of nerdy girls at a couple of events I've been to but honestly even though I'm a big fan of video games, I get put off by super nerdy chicks with very niche interests. As a result, I don't really care all that much about finding the fabled "gamer girl" that many dudes want. It's cool if the girl is into stuff like that but as long as it's not a one trick pony thing.
TurboLibre
Member
Not even a little.
To me sex is a very important part of the relationship. It's not the only aspect (far from it), but I feel like it's an expression of what you two have together and is a great way to make you two closer. Without it, I don't really see too much of a difference from being just friends. Not to say it's all black and white, but that's how I view the situation.
The Uncommons. It's a neat place and a lot of groups are starting to have meet ups there.
I cannot date someone who is not impassionate. Its like just being friends.
Were you interested, or something?
That would be the only way I'd date someone. Lol.
People are gross and sex is disgusting (to me).
ShadowgeistX
Member
So, do you not find any kind of man (or woman?) to be sexually attractive? I'd guess that everyone has a "type", and some people are a lot pickier than others. But if the idea of getting together with anyone in that fashion is disgusting to you then you might really be asexual.
MistressMoitie
Member
Is this directed at me? I was only asking for some legitimate guy help. I figured out of anyone, that people who share the same interests in a community would have some desire to help another gamer out. That's all.
And I didn't receive a swarm of PM's because of this either. I'm really no better off then when I first asked my question here. Regardless, I got some shit off my chest and maybe there's someone out there who cares at the end of the day.
God Dayumm
Banned
But... the girls themselves are the ones posting the creepy gifs D"
I'm just here imagining it /jk
I think that's the end goal, to find someone who is compatible with you in your interests and is fine with any silly quirks that you might have. Otherwise you have to invent a sort of mask to hide those interests/quirks from the one person that you shouldn't be hiding them from. This mask to be exact:
And as for the "mocking your interests" thing, I've always found that pretty baffling. I knew a woman who once tried to flirt with me while at the same time mocking the games that I liked and the TV shows that I watched. I don't think that strategy has a high success rate.
MistressMoitie
Member
I think that's the end goal, to find someone who is compatible with you in your interests and is fine with any silly quirks that you might have. Otherwise you have to invent a sort of mask to hide those interests/quirks from the one person that you shouldn't be hiding them from. This mask to be exact:
And as for the "mocking your interests" thing, I've always found that pretty baffling. I knew a woman who once tried to flirt with me while at the same time mocking the games that I liked and the TV shows that I watched. I don't think that strategy has a high success rate.
It wasn't quite that mask. It was more like I was wearing this:
and it wasn't working.
Thanks for the heads up if I'm not swamped with work I'll try to make the trip. I should rephrase that like the bar but not to look for a hook up. Having a few drinks and a chat is always a good thing.
Alas I'm not "seeking" a gamer girl or anything but it would make things less complicated is all. Even if they didn't know about Anime or play games at all doesn't make a difference. As you said meeting women is not a primary issue for me I go out to have fun and shoot the breeze. If I tend to meet someone and we start talking then we go from there I'm just not so much used to going to clubs and such just for that.
It wasn't quite that mask. It was more like I was wearing this:
and it wasn't working.
You should never pour that much effort into making your mask. You spend 3 days making that mask to make other people happy when all it really does is maybe leave you with a quarter of your heart. Don't be so eager to appease others that you lose yourself.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Side Note: Rango is on TV. This movie is awesome.
MistressMoitie
Member
you're absolutely right.
I was young and foolish. We live and learn.
But, as someone once said,
"Whenever there is a meeting, a parting is sure to follow. However, that parting need not last forever... and whether a parting be forever or merely for a short time... That is up to you.
Believe in your strengths...Believe..."
Life throws us unexpected challenges all the time. It is how we face them and live with them that shapes us into who we are and who we choose to spend our time with.
And also this:
So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide.
All we have to decide, is what to do with the time that is given to us.
Because it's my favorite quote and one of the one's I live by.
Thank you, zeemumu.
AdventureRacing
Member
What creepy gifs? There are like 4 gifs in the last 2 pages and only one of them wasn't posted by the 2 women talking.
Lemon Crest
Member
So I tried to reschedule with a girl who cancelled a date due to family issues.
Turns out she's busy for the next couple of weekends and she won't say why.
I'm glad I tried but I'm not going to waste anymore time on her.
I'm just gonna spend this upcoming winter break working on myself, so I'll be ready when the next one comes around.
Turns out she's busy for the next couple of weekends and she won't say why.
I'm glad I tried but I'm not going to waste anymore time on her.
I'm just gonna spend this upcoming winter break working on myself, so I'll be ready when the next one comes around.
MistressMoitie
Member
Good for you, man. <3
Not really, no. Like objectively, sure, but not in an ~omg I'd like to have sex with them~ kind of way.
I think one guy I've ever really been into was that guy I liked earlier this year. He's like the only guy I've ever been even slightly interested in that way. Other than that though, nope.
ShadowgeistX
Member
Hmm, did you two have a lot of physical contact? I mean, sometimes that kinda feeling comes up when you spend enough time being physically close to someone.
If not, then hey, nothing wrong with being almost completely asexual. I'm sure there's a lot of other people who share that view. Although I think that would be more rare than a woman who is set on not having kids.
TurboLibre
Member
Well that stuff isn't always immediate. I'm similar in that while I may find someone attractive, I don't have that "I want to be inside them" instinct that so many people seem to have. The trick is to shut your brain off for a second and just go with the flow. If you're picking up vibes with someone, just give it some time and let them get close (emotionally). Once you're comfortable there, the rest will (may) follow. But communication is key, otherwise the other party might think they're bothering you.
At the very least, don't start convincing yourself you're asexual yet. You may be for all I know, but once you start convincing yourself you are you'll eventually believe it even if you aren't. Just try to be open to new experiences and then make decisions accordingly, would be my suggestion.
Glad to be of use to someone.
mingoguaya
Member
It REALLY baffles my mind that girls like Leeness and MistressMoinie exist and that they cant seem to find guys because they are too "nerdy". I mean, I bet it would be great to be in a relationship with someone who shared my same interests (at least we would never be at a loss for themes to talk about, stuff to do, etc). So how come these girls, which seem to be quite charming (according to what Ive read in this thread, mind you) cant seem to find anyone that would appreciate this? Does not compute. :/
The Artful Dodger
Member
The Internet has socially gimped everyone.
TurboLibre
Member
I've seen plenty. Thing is, they can be just as awkward as us nerds. One of my friends is a beautiful geek that has had no success with men and has mentioned a few times that she was into guys like me. But every time we hang out she talks about the various creeps she encounters and inadvertently makes me feel like one of them. She also bails more often then not, so I stopped trying. There's another one I'm certain I'll get along with and her friend is trying to set us up. But in the rare cases I see her she's hiding in the corner behind her friend, so I can't even get a word in. It sucks, but if they're not willing to receive the attention, they can be stuck in the same pit as any other dude.
Three dates, only really kissed. It was nice. That's really all I can say. Lol
I'm going with asexual, or pretty much. And I'm happy with that.
And no, I don't want kids. Haha.
I don't shut off my brain. Horrifying. No thanks. I never want to not be in control. Awful.
Hugs and stuff is cool. I'd enjoy cuddling if someone wanted to. It's warm and comfortable. Other than that, no thanks.
TurboLibre
Member
You're taking it too literally. Sometimes you need to learn how to not get in your own way. Not saying you give up control, but when an opportunity arrives you don't think of all the reason why you shouldn't, and just roll with it.
It can happen for a variety of reasons. Just as it is for a lot of men, finding someone who you like and who reciprocates those feelings can be difficult.
TurboLibre
Member
Nope.
I'd much rather get in my own way than do something I'd regret.
If you life you life fearing failure, you will never see any success. And frankly, most regret stems from inaction.
And lets talk hypothetical. If you took a shot at the scenario I outlined (met someone, spent time with them, like them, move forward) or anything like it, what are you worried you'll regret?
You need help that GAF can't provide. Seriously, so many of us have said the same thing for so long. A clear majority of all your posts tell the same story of a broken and destructive mindset. The advice given to you today is good stuff, but you're not willing to listen or even entertain the thought of trying something different. We really can't help you anymore. I guarantee you that it's not just me who gets emotionally drained in here.
It's probably not that they can't find guys, it's more that they can't find the RIGHT guy for them. They could find someone who's nerdy, sure, but there are a lot more qualities that factor into it than that. Either that or they just don't live in areas where nerd culture is commonplace.
Everything. Haha. I don't like to rely on anyone other than family. Otherwise people let you down. And that's fine, I just would rather rely on myself.
I don't need help. I'm happy the way I am
so it's lovely to talk to you all, and I find this topic fascinating to read, but I can assure you, I am happy and don't want anyone in my life.I'm in the same spot. Just let her know that you're interested, but distance yourself. Let her know that if things end that you would be interested in starting something. It's a respect thing. Act like a snake and expect to one day end up getting bit back.So we all agree that it's uncool to poach on someone else's girl, even if she's into you... right?
Even if you think she might be the one..?
Right?
..right?
ShadowgeistX
Member
Lol that's cool. I know there are people like that out there, you probably just have to make it known. Or just stay single. As long as you're happy right?
You wouldn't believe how much of a big deal kids are at my workplace. I'm looked at like I'm the devil just for saying that I'm indifferent towards the idea of having kids lmao.
I don't want to be condescending, but complacency can also be ignorance. Not all new experiences or changes result in negativity. If you don't open yourself to some risks, you can never get rewards. It took a lot for me to trust someone enough to become intimate. The entire first time something further than kissing happened my whole body was shaking and I was so tense, but had I not let myself trust the other person and become vulnerable, I would still be how I was prior. And looking back now, having had those experiences (bad and good, for all they were worth), progress and self-improvement happened. I became a better person and wouldn't change my past. I was complacent before, but after, I saw my own naivety. Life is a journey, and to stay the course, while fine and steady, will perhaps leave you with far greater regrets later in life than if you had had a certain amount of regrets earlier. Though there may be regrets there are also valuable rewards you gain along the way.Everything. Haha. I don't like to rely on anyone other than family. Otherwise people let you down. And that's fine, I just would rather rely on myself.
I don't need help. I'm happy the way I am
All that said, you're obviously set in your ways, and as in the past, all our advice merely falls on deaf and defiant ears. If you wanted anything different you would do something different.
The Artful Dodger
Member
So we all agree that it's uncool to poach on someone else's girl, even if she's into you... right?
Even if you think she might be the one..?
Right?
..right?
Yes, it is uncool.
Move on, and if she's single later give it a shot then. But don't be that guy. Nobody likes a Show-Stealer.
So we all agree that it's uncool to poach on someone else's girl, even if she's into you... right?
Even if you think she might be the one..?
Right?
..right?
I know how you feel man. I also met the coolest girl in the world a while back. And she's taken. But unless you don't care about being a douchebag; move on.
And if you can connect with someone sooo good that you think "she might be the one", chances are there's someone else equally awesome. (though it still reaaaally sucks)
For you guys with *dating* issues, go back to the OP and (re)watch the David Wygant video I posted there. I'm rewatching it right now before heading out and it's SO damn good! "Fuck closing (girls), they're not DOORS! They will close themselves IF they like you!".
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4SyrLtN4Nc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4SyrLtN4Nc
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