I was talking to Minamu and gave him my thoughts on the matter, but what you wrote is not something I ever considered. Very insightful, you should post more often!
Thanks! This means a lot to me coming from you.
I kinda did tell her I was happy she was seeing someone else too xD I mentioned how I had had sleeping company the same night she went home (which was true and we did not do anything else pretty much) for the sake of honesty and as if she was misunderstanding me on purpose, she called me out on having double standards :lol
XD well done. She deserved to be brought back to reality.
My main problems are twofold I think now. 1. I keep telling myself I only want short FWB relationships and I still want to party hard and meet new girls/people so I'm conflicted in what I truly want because my heart is most likely screaming for love and a girlfriend. My intense kisses (who has EVER been rejected for being a too passionate kisser? I still can't find my jaw on the ground after that comment), my deep desire for cuddling after sex and being very intimate during movies etc hint at that fact.
This is FWB like I do and to me it's exactly how it should be. I think the only issue here is that you get blindsided by guilt-tripping: the positive vibe works very well for you because you already had that in you, and whatever teaching/experience you got from Brent Smith, it simply let it blossom faster and to a bigger effect. It's infective and genuine.
You have a gift to deal with people in a natural and sociable way that I deeply envy (in an healthy way ;D ) and I'm not surprised that I never read in your post about this guy or that guy moving in on "your" girl, picking at you or cockblocking you during an interaction with a girl. Not getting this type of negative attention in a place like a club is HUGE.
Now, from time to time you meet girls who feed off of this positivity (the girl who welcomed you every night in the club with an angry face definitely fits into this category) and when they can't have it anymore, they will make sure to destroy it so that no one else is going to get it.
2. I have a lot of trouble controlling emotions, especially negative ones. I lose my cool head in an instant if I'm hurt and act out on emotions without any rationality from time to time. Emotional immaturity possibly but I have no idea how to practice getting better at that. More and more emotional situations for experience I guess but I'm also hurting a lot along the way.
My way to deal with this is to embrace it and to use the cause of these negative emotions to actually ignore girls and lash back in a way that is indirect and passive (cutting contacts), so they can never make me the guilty one with their games. I mean, if I'm so awful to be around stop being around me instead of declaring you have the intention to do it.
This also helps you because when they will want you back (proven they are playing games and that they haven't had enough of you) you won't sell yourself out in an heartbeat and she will have to work to get your attention and interest back. Judging from how you are handling your newfound relationship with your ex-girlfriend I guess you are doing pretty much the same thing I'm talking about.
Edit: Point 2 is what fucked me up the worst here. Granted, she dropped the bomb at like 1 or 2am and I freaked out. Had I kept my calm I probably could've prevented it and diffused her anxiety and worries more easily. While she was acting really weird, I certainly didn't help by turning into a whiny bitch
On the other hand, I had never been in that situation before where a girl asks me if it's okay that she meets someone else. She made it sound as if it was my semi-negative reaction that caused her to want to leave me but as we fought, she crumbled and said she had already made the decision alone before even asking me if it was okay to meet a new guy (that kind of stuff she pulled is what pissed me off the most).
I think this stems from a problem that a lot of guys come to experience, myself included. Guys keep on talking about how girls fall for the bad guy, but forget to mention guys
also fall for the bad girl. The girl that pushes your buttons and challenges you a bit (
A BIT!) a girl that actually brings something to the table instead of just listening to all the music you like, watching every movie you like or EVEN WORST watches the movies everyone is watching and listens to bands everyone is raving about. Somehow all your friends (guys and girls) don't approve of her, but she gives awesome sex, never acts as if she is tired of you (when she is tired of you, she will tell you as if it's the most natural thing XD) she is always spreading some new skin cream on her legs while you are playing a decisive match on Gears 3, and has some weird art-project going on about moulding glass which culminates in her presenting you with a city trapped in a glass bowl, which she saw in an issue of your beloved Sandman paperbacks.
Of course they play games: they want their individuality to matter, so they want you but at the same time they want you to "pay" for it, so they elaborate all these hoops and tests to make sure they won't give away what they are worth for free. Hardly a sick attitude, in my opinion. If ever, a guy needs to learn when enough is enough and make her stop when she goes overboard and starts to erode your dignity, making a big deal out of sex and have you beg for it, or making it look as the time she is giving you is given to you by her endless mercy for all living creatures.
Which comes to the main issue: people need to let go the idea that manipulation is a bad thing. The very fact of calling it "manipulation" has a negative implication and makes it look like everything done outside of clear-cut communication is a bad thing: who would ever want a girl saying stuff like "you look attractive and your broad shoulders make you look strong. I don't mind that mole on your face because it's compensated by your average income as store manager. I give you my consent to mate with you".
People feel threatened by "manipulation" because they see it at its worst instead of its best.
An example of its best? artists manipulate you!: what they write, depict or sing of is conceived to inspire you, challenge you, and move you. You feel the emotions they want you to experience, and you expose yourself to their art
willingly.
The idea that all manipulation comes from a bad place, a place of aggression, resentment and ill-will, is mistaken. And in relationships? you will make a big deal out of a bag of tricks (guilt-tripping, unavailability to communication, indecision between two guys) that is designed to trap you in a maze of morality and emotional-restraint. If people would really despise manipulation they wouldn't get caught into these traps: they would see them for what they are and would avoid them.
I like girls who are manipulative, but I also divide them into girls who are simply socially skilled and girls who play the only card they have (manipulation under the unspoken promise of sex/love) and I only go for the first. Not that it guarantees results XD but hey, whatever the outcome they are always fun.
TLDR: Merry Christmas everyone
