Thanks, this is so weird. I've been married, and dated like crazy but this is like straight out of "she's out of my league" and I've never been so nervous about a first date I feel stupid.
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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Thanks, this is so weird. I've been married, and dated like crazy but this is like straight out of "she's out of my league" and I've never been so nervous about a first date I feel stupid.
probably going to spend the majority of the time in the cafe
NeOak
Member
So gaf, I'm confused, and this post is part "writing stuff down so I can process it" and part "I need some advice."
An ex and I started chatting a few weeks ago after a group meet up, it'd been five years since we'd seen or talked to each other. Messaged a little on facebook, sizing each other up I suppose.
Several times during us talking she mentions playing the field, dating around, sleeping with her tattoo artist, blah blah, the boyfriend she had after me and how controlling he was. This isn't a big deal to me because sex is the equivalent of eating and sleeping in my eyes so I couldn't care less about people she'd seen since we'd broken up.
Couple days ago she asks me if there's anything in particular I think about when I remember her, memories, favorite things we did. She tells me hers, I ask if this is some sort of twisted ploy for me to fuel her doomsday machine with nostalgia fuel. She says yes, I tell her give me a few because I'm going on a motorcycle ride, she says please be safe and make sure to tell her because she really needs the fuel and for me to talk with her. I thought the whole thing was kind of odd because prior to this she kept telling me she's some sort of heartless bitch ice queen, her nickname at work is Violent Victoria, she knows self defense, a whole lot of posturing it appears like. Anyway, I tell her my favorites, that it's easier to reminisce in person and ask her on a date, which gets a prompt yes. Intermittent flirting in between that she's reciprocates.
Night prior to the date she asks if we're still on for "that thing tomorrow." I say yeah, give me a time and I'll meet you. We go to a state park and walk through the woods for a few hours and catch up, eat lunch, generally a good time.
Later that evening is my buddies birthday, which a group of three of us always celebrate. Somehow she gets invited and tags along which is cool. After dinner we all go out to a club.
She's the only girl in the group that isn't the birthday boy's girlfriend, so I figured she'd get some attention. One of the guys asks her to dance, they go off and dance for a while, I dip out with my friends and let them have fun. My buddies and I are dancing and laughing at one point when I see her and the guy get a drink and walk off to a quiet part of the club to talk. I ignore them and continue dancing and socializing, but I glanced back a few times and she was looking at me. The group moves to dance in an R&B room, she starts grinding on him, and keeps looking at me while doing it. I shrug it off and walk away again. I'm designated driver so I can't even drink at this point.
Later she walks up to me super drunk and hangs on me. Just lays her head on my shoulder and I tell her "I have no idea what you want me to do here." She tells me several times how drunk she is, asks me "What specifically would I have to do to make myself more attractive right now", later asks me to guide her to the bathroom and holds my hand the whole time, wraps my arm around her waist, all this touchy stuff. Then starts bringing up weird stuff like "Do you remember that time I gave you a blowjob on Valentines day?" I ask her to come dance with me, she says "No, I don't want to. But I'll go dance, if you want." That didn't make any sense so I just told her "If you don't want to dance, then don't."
We leave the club and head back to my ex's place, as thats where we all left our cars. She asks me when I arrive to be the last one to leave, because the guy she was dancing with is trying to hook up with her. She won't let anybody up to her apartment but me, where I left my phone charger. We go up, I get it, tell her to drink some water and go get comfy and I'll talk to her later. She says "I'm going to go take my dress off. But I'm waiting until you leave, because that would be inappropriate." I tell her it's nothing I hadn't seen before, she laughs and says oh yeah, I rub the back of her head and hold her face and say she should go to sleep. Before I leave she gets this look on her face and tells me to please text her when I'm home.
Anyway, I let her know I'm back, she drunk texts for a bit, but for a couple days now she's hasn't communicated with me as much. I'm having a new years party tomorrow with a few people and she's coming over. I think I might have feelings for her, more sexual than romantic, but I'm not sure how to process all of it. Neither of us wants something serious. On one hand I don't mind that she danced with the other guy at the club, but on the other, it felt kind of weird going out with her that day and her giving me the shoulder at the club until after a few hours of dancing with this guy.
Is the best way to approach this to just be straight up with her tomorrow night and tell her flat out I have an attraction to her and wouldn't mind some casual fun? Its not like we're strangers and I'd be comfortable just flat out saying that. I just can't gauge if she actually has an interest in me, and was gauging my reaction to her dancing with other guys in the club, or if she's just fucking with me. But I'm fairly sure I've made my intent clear through flirting, asking her on a date, so I dont know if spelling it out is going to make it better or worse.
TL;DR I recently started talking to an ex after five years and don't know how I feel about it. We went out one day, later that night went to a club, she danced with another dude almost exclusively and was obviously trying to see my reaction, got super wasted and proceeded to hang all over me and talked about giving me head in the past. She's coming over tomorrow for a NYE party and I don't know whether to spell it out to her that I have an interest in her, or if I should continue to play it cool.
An ex and I started chatting a few weeks ago after a group meet up, it'd been five years since we'd seen or talked to each other. Messaged a little on facebook, sizing each other up I suppose.
Several times during us talking she mentions playing the field, dating around, sleeping with her tattoo artist, blah blah, the boyfriend she had after me and how controlling he was. This isn't a big deal to me because sex is the equivalent of eating and sleeping in my eyes so I couldn't care less about people she'd seen since we'd broken up.
Couple days ago she asks me if there's anything in particular I think about when I remember her, memories, favorite things we did. She tells me hers, I ask if this is some sort of twisted ploy for me to fuel her doomsday machine with nostalgia fuel. She says yes, I tell her give me a few because I'm going on a motorcycle ride, she says please be safe and make sure to tell her because she really needs the fuel and for me to talk with her. I thought the whole thing was kind of odd because prior to this she kept telling me she's some sort of heartless bitch ice queen, her nickname at work is Violent Victoria, she knows self defense, a whole lot of posturing it appears like. Anyway, I tell her my favorites, that it's easier to reminisce in person and ask her on a date, which gets a prompt yes. Intermittent flirting in between that she's reciprocates.
Night prior to the date she asks if we're still on for "that thing tomorrow." I say yeah, give me a time and I'll meet you. We go to a state park and walk through the woods for a few hours and catch up, eat lunch, generally a good time.
Later that evening is my buddies birthday, which a group of three of us always celebrate. Somehow she gets invited and tags along which is cool. After dinner we all go out to a club.
She's the only girl in the group that isn't the birthday boy's girlfriend, so I figured she'd get some attention. One of the guys asks her to dance, they go off and dance for a while, I dip out with my friends and let them have fun. My buddies and I are dancing and laughing at one point when I see her and the guy get a drink and walk off to a quiet part of the club to talk. I ignore them and continue dancing and socializing, but I glanced back a few times and she was looking at me. The group moves to dance in an R&B room, she starts grinding on him, and keeps looking at me while doing it. I shrug it off and walk away again. I'm designated driver so I can't even drink at this point.
Later she walks up to me super drunk and hangs on me. Just lays her head on my shoulder and I tell her "I have no idea what you want me to do here." She tells me several times how drunk she is, asks me "What specifically would I have to do to make myself more attractive right now", later asks me to guide her to the bathroom and holds my hand the whole time, wraps my arm around her waist, all this touchy stuff. Then starts bringing up weird stuff like "Do you remember that time I gave you a blowjob on Valentines day?" I ask her to come dance with me, she says "No, I don't want to. But I'll go dance, if you want." That didn't make any sense so I just told her "If you don't want to dance, then don't."
We leave the club and head back to my ex's place, as thats where we all left our cars. She asks me when I arrive to be the last one to leave, because the guy she was dancing with is trying to hook up with her. She won't let anybody up to her apartment but me, where I left my phone charger. We go up, I get it, tell her to drink some water and go get comfy and I'll talk to her later. She says "I'm going to go take my dress off. But I'm waiting until you leave, because that would be inappropriate." I tell her it's nothing I hadn't seen before, she laughs and says oh yeah, I rub the back of her head and hold her face and say she should go to sleep. Before I leave she gets this look on her face and tells me to please text her when I'm home.
Anyway, I let her know I'm back, she drunk texts for a bit, but for a couple days now she's hasn't communicated with me as much. I'm having a new years party tomorrow with a few people and she's coming over. I think I might have feelings for her, more sexual than romantic, but I'm not sure how to process all of it. Neither of us wants something serious. On one hand I don't mind that she danced with the other guy at the club, but on the other, it felt kind of weird going out with her that day and her giving me the shoulder at the club until after a few hours of dancing with this guy.
Is the best way to approach this to just be straight up with her tomorrow night and tell her flat out I have an attraction to her and wouldn't mind some casual fun? Its not like we're strangers and I'd be comfortable just flat out saying that. I just can't gauge if she actually has an interest in me, and was gauging my reaction to her dancing with other guys in the club, or if she's just fucking with me. But I'm fairly sure I've made my intent clear through flirting, asking her on a date, so I dont know if spelling it out is going to make it better or worse.
TL;DR I recently started talking to an ex after five years and don't know how I feel about it. We went out one day, later that night went to a club, she danced with another dude almost exclusively and was obviously trying to see my reaction, got super wasted and proceeded to hang all over me and talked about giving me head in the past. She's coming over tomorrow for a NYE party and I don't know whether to spell it out to her that I have an interest in her, or if I should continue to play it cool.
DTLIONS1013
Member
A couple weeks ago I heard from my ex of one year that I hadnt talked to in six months, we texted for a few weeks and the other night she invited me over. We catch up for a while, then she puts on a movie and cuddles up to me, by the end were making out, then having sex, and cuddling for a few more hours. The whole time I was there it felt like it did when we were together, and it was great,but when I left I went to kiss her, she turned her head and said we shouldn't have done that. No idea what do to now, I really want there to be something between us still but don't want to waste my time.
Well I was going to leave it but i didnt so I decided to text that girl again to say happy new years(alcohol and not really giving a fuck tonight may have played a part) and she ignored it. rude! At least say fuckin thanks or you too something. Not asking for your hand in marriage here. oh well. Now I know. delete time. Fresh start for the new year. Back to drinking with my cat.
Q
qizah
Unconfirmed Member
Bail out.
Also never text or talk to your ex, because, this shit happens and one of you ends up being fucked over more than the other.
I stopped talking to my ex of almost 4 years, she wanted to remain friends but it's just not really possible. It's also not really fair to the other party, you lead on the person and give them hope for something to happen again.
sooperkool
Member
The whole purpose of her bullshit email was to start a conversation with you, for what reasons I can't even begin to guess.
sooperkool
Member
Play it cool. If she wants to have sex or whatever and you can handle it making no statement about the future then by all means have fun but don't start seeing "signs" and whatnot and by god, don't start telling her about whatever feeling that you may have.
AdventureRacing
Member
I don't think there is anything wrong with getting involved with an old ex. I'll just say that i think you should keep in mind why things broke down in the first place and just play things cautiously. Don't get yourself overly committed.
In most cases, I'd say you're correct. She's getting married in a few weeks IIRC. I didn't bother to give all the background info for my case (pieces of it are in this thread somewhere, but I'm too lazy to dig up the posts or re-summarize things).
Perhaps that is true, but I would guess she's more worried about me...somehow...screwing that up for her. I guess.
Dude, we warned you. Let her come to you. She was rude before so I'm not so sure why you're shocked she's still rude. That thing was dead and buried. If a woman likes you she certainly isn't going to start giving you the cold shoulder. NEWS FLASH: there are a ton of attractive, available single ladies out there. Don't contact her again.
Lots of people reconnecting with their exes over the holidays it seems. Tread lightly. Don't get used.
Just try and remember they're just one person out of billions. I've had my fair share of rejections and given out the same too. It's nothing personal––there's just no physical attraction. Plenty of other people will love you––seriously. The problem is just finding them. Just keep going!
Bu-bu-but my horoscope told me I'd find love again in the early new year! :O Haha.
Happy new year's Dating-Age! Toss out the negativity and reboot! Perfect time if there ever was one!
True. Before my head got screwed up these last few days, I was looking forward to some new volunteer opportunities I want to take advantage of in 2014 (tutoring, mentoring, helping the homeless, etc.). I might recommend something like that to some people. I'm using it as a way to distract myself from some of my negativity, while bringing some positive into the world. Good way to focus some of that energy I think.
Plus I guess you might meet some cute female volunteers. So win-win.
Plus I guess you might meet some cute female volunteers. So win-win.
Ghost_Protocol
Member
Just wondering if this is a good idea or bad idea..........I'm somewhat interested in a girl who works in the office of the apartment complex where I live....Should I go ahead and ask her out or look elsewhere considering if things don't work out I'll have to see her on a fairly regular basis?
How much time do you have left on your lease?
Ghost_Protocol
Member
I guess you think it's a bad idea, haha. I've got about 8 months....
Well, I don't think it's a good idea. Maintain an open line of communication and be ready to move if she quits.
Happy new year, y'all! Hope you guys get lucky in 2014!
Thanks, hope you get lucky too!
jimmypython
Member
happy new year!! (from east coast)
ShadowgeistX
Member
Happy new year, Dating-GAF. Here's to another year of reading/posting in this thread for new knowledge and to reaffirm what we should already know, but contradict anyways due to those pesky emotions. =)
i was at the exact same boat, was gonna leave it after I wish her Merry Christmas and she replied me with one of those soul-less forwarded Christmas greeting message, didn't have contact since.
Today i just decided to text her again, I didn't sent it to her last night on NYE, i sent her the message in the afternoon today, when i was recovering from hangover, so I doesn't look like i just text people drunk. And she probably already got a lot of new year greeting from people she knows anyway.
In the message i asked her if she had gone out last night and wish her the best in the new year.
Then she replied and told me she was really tired from going out all night last night and got home in the morning.
I guess open-ended question works
But i'm still gonna leave it, not gonna contact her again anytime soon ;D
trab pu kcip
Member
bullshit. it's not like they're actually working or living together or anything, right? I'd say: go for it!
Happy new year, y'all! Hope you guys get lucky in 2014!
thanks, I hope so too. I'd say right back at you but I know you wouldn't like that
<3
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
bullshit. it's not like they're actually working or living together or anything, right? I'd say: go for it!
thanks, I hope so too. I'd say right back at you but I know you wouldn't like that
<3
Mutes still hasn't moved to Germany full time yet?
trab pu kcip
Member
uhm not that I know^^
Liquid_015
Gold Member
Heyy,
If a girl states that her feelings towards you are neutral (given that you've met her only a few times and have continued talking through SMS) would you guys consider that a good or bad thing?
Thanks!
If a girl states that her feelings towards you are neutral (given that you've met her only a few times and have continued talking through SMS) would you guys consider that a good or bad thing?
Thanks!
trab pu kcip
Member
well if YOUR feelings aren't neutral, it's bad imo
Liquid_015
Gold Member
I have developed feelings towards her, but this is according to what the girl i'm interested in told her close friend. Damnit, according to my other friend who I have talked to she said its a good thing that she didn't reject you -_- Im not sure what to think... :/
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Well, time to call it quits with this girl.
Go out a few times in August...have fun, dates end in a kiss. She gets really swamped with work and school during the new semester, so I leave it be for a while. She says she's still interested but would rather wait once things die down.
Fast forward to last night where we went to a NYE event together. Couldn't have been more clear that she wasn't interested at all. Kind of annoyed at this point that she ever insisted that she was. Still got the New Years kiss, but besides that, she wasnt very receptive to any contact.
I should have listened to logic. If she was ever truly interested then she wouldn't have put things on hold, regardless of her workload.
Go out a few times in August...have fun, dates end in a kiss. She gets really swamped with work and school during the new semester, so I leave it be for a while. She says she's still interested but would rather wait once things die down.
Fast forward to last night where we went to a NYE event together. Couldn't have been more clear that she wasn't interested at all. Kind of annoyed at this point that she ever insisted that she was. Still got the New Years kiss, but besides that, she wasnt very receptive to any contact.
I should have listened to logic. If she was ever truly interested then she wouldn't have put things on hold, regardless of her workload.
Just ended it with my girlfriend of nearly 6years on New Years. I'm that guy. It felt absolutely necessary but now I feel like nothing, hollow. We were clearly wrong for eachother and it was becoming increasingly obvious to eachother but still. You don't spend nearly 6 years and drop someone I guess. Felt like an addict last night, tossing turning, losing my mind. Just laying in bed now and have to get up since she is coming back for her stuff. Feels bad man.
Yeah dude its a crappy feeling when you just stop seeing someone you spent so much time with cold turkey. I felt that way about a girl I dated for 6 months let along 6 years. But like everything time will eventually make things easier.
Did you end up doing anything for New Years?
And don't be too hard on yourself with not making any progress. If you keep pushing it and keep doing things you like, keep developing yourself it should change. Especially if you're serious about it. But if it's been this long without any real change, you could always try looking into a psychologist. It doesn't sound like you're really suffering, but if you could use the help, meh, why not?
Because on your own it's pretty difficult to gauge if you've made any progress. And how you should go about making more progress. If you're worried about breaking out of yourshell that might make more self conscious and shy. And that's of course completely counter productive. It should be possible to sort of change the way you think and overcome the anxiety. It can be done without, but is easier with help.
No, that's pretty much a bad thing. You most likely won't be able too change that. I would move on and find someone who's feelings toward you are positive right of the bat.
It might be really hard to do, but especially if you feel like you were wrong for eachother, yeah, you sort of do
thanks, I hope so too. I'd say right back at you but I know you wouldn't like that
<3
You know me well <3
first time in forever decided to do something for my birthday, invited this girl i know like a month ago, she was super excited. flash forward to two days ago she says friends husband is having something at another bar with karaoke i wont be able to do your thing.
may as well as said something better came up.
may as well as said something better came up.
hydrophilic attack
Member
So, I just joined a dating site that you have to pay for. It seems a lot more active than free dating sites. On free sites I got barely any visitors to my profile, but here I've gotten over ten in the couple of hours I've been on it. But no messages or replies though
So, people who know more about Internet dating. How many messages should you send before you ask to meet up? Have been chatting a bit with a girl who seems pretty cool. Maybe not all that good-looking but seems like a fun person to be with. I guess I should make some kind of move?
So since my last post, she's up and moved out. All of it, gone. There's still so many bits and pieces of her here. We agreed to take a break, we are still talking. Just I don't think anything can happen now. I feel like I can't really trust myself to make any decisions right now. Hell I felt too hollow to even do much more than sleep earlier. I should probably eat too. Almost 3:30 and haven't done much other than mope around. Six fucking years man, that's like a quarter of my entire life. It hasn't been my first, but it certainly has been my longest so everything feels so strange now that the routine has been broken.
It really all depends on factors that we don't know, like what kind of rapport he has with her, what their personality types are, their relationship histories, etc.
But it's probably better not to do it.
I dunno why I even entertained the idea of talking with my ex again. I mean she's funny and cute, but I think I'm beginning to realize its better to not look back and keep moving forward. It's made worse by me not even knowing what I want from her. And Christ, it's weird remembering a person you knew intimately from six years prior as a teenager and then seeing them as a 22 year old.
I had a house party last night and being drunk around my friends was the best fun I've had in a while. Was going to steal a new years kiss but she wound up doing some weird four way kiss with two girls and my roommate and I didn't want to run up 30 seconds after and make a scene by stealing one in front of everybody. Plus, the more I hang around her the more confused my feelings get. Fucking emotions are weird man especially when I've cut them off for the past couple years.
She woke up hung over as fuck in my sisters bedroom after passing out in that room with my buddy. Big surprise, he leaves to crash on the couch and I help her get on her feet for the next couple hours, well after everyone leaves, with helping her puke in a plastic bag, getting her water and aspirin, blankets and shit. Then when I text her this evening, she sends boring two word responses and I just don't have the energy to chase her like she wants me to.
Thinking the best path of action here is to just get back up to college on Monday and start the entire year anew. Might be a dick move to talk to her for a month and a half and show an interest, only to completely bail, but there's too many new people to meet.
I had a house party last night and being drunk around my friends was the best fun I've had in a while. Was going to steal a new years kiss but she wound up doing some weird four way kiss with two girls and my roommate and I didn't want to run up 30 seconds after and make a scene by stealing one in front of everybody. Plus, the more I hang around her the more confused my feelings get. Fucking emotions are weird man especially when I've cut them off for the past couple years.
She woke up hung over as fuck in my sisters bedroom after passing out in that room with my buddy. Big surprise, he leaves to crash on the couch and I help her get on her feet for the next couple hours, well after everyone leaves, with helping her puke in a plastic bag, getting her water and aspirin, blankets and shit. Then when I text her this evening, she sends boring two word responses and I just don't have the energy to chase her like she wants me to.
Thinking the best path of action here is to just get back up to college on Monday and start the entire year anew. Might be a dick move to talk to her for a month and a half and show an interest, only to completely bail, but there's too many new people to meet.
I thought it was going to be a little while getting over this crush. I mean, it was kind of my fault since I kind of imagined it to be something it wasn't...there really should have been no expectation.
In any case, I ended up messaging a random friend of a friend on Facebook. The weird thing is, I have no idea what she looks like, since she doesn't have any photos of herself on Facebook at all...all I know is that she's huge into fitness. But anyways, we ended up talking for about 5 hours straight, and she basically invited herself over next week. Who knows if the chemistry will carry over to the real world, but at least I'm comforted in the fact that I've been able to form a connection so quickly.
In any case, I ended up messaging a random friend of a friend on Facebook. The weird thing is, I have no idea what she looks like, since she doesn't have any photos of herself on Facebook at all...all I know is that she's huge into fitness. But anyways, we ended up talking for about 5 hours straight, and she basically invited herself over next week. Who knows if the chemistry will carry over to the real world, but at least I'm comforted in the fact that I've been able to form a connection so quickly.
You sure you're not getting Catfished?
I have no idea what that means. :x
Oh. Wait no she's real. She's friends with a lot of people I know. I've just never personally seen her. The only photo featuring herself is an extremely distant shot from the back (dramatic pose in front of a landmark). I guess I could find out from my friends if she has a hideously deformed face or something lol.
Haha, OK. Well, good luck then!
Yeah, I mean why not? For some reason I find it particularly helpful to not know what she looks like. It makes conversation easier since I'm not preoccupied or intimidated by looks.
Worst case, I make a new friend.
trab pu kcip
Member
that's a great way to think. keep that attitude and you'll have a lot of fun in any possible case!
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