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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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Thanks for the advice. Turns out she has a boyfriend, or at least was there with a date, so I didn't ask for her number. It's a real shame because she is an amazing person.
I've mentioned it in the OKC thread, but one night when I'm really bored I'm gonna create a list of the most cliched things, and just power through profiles for like an hour and tally it up. I'll make pie charts or something.
I did in the end, thankfully. It was an interesting night...
It was spent with my friend around some girls flat, who were all Coked up. As I said, it was interesting.
I've considered looking into a psychologist since this goes far beyond dating, so we'll see. As I've mentioned before I'm working towards fixing aspects of my life, so hopefully if it all works out I won't have to resort to getting help. If it doesn't it's something I will definitely consider.
The other day when I got off the bus near my house some girl was showing signs of interest as I got off (she got off at the same stop), so it annoys me I didn't say anything to her. But what would you say in such a situation? I have no idea what I'd say beyond "hi".
3 years dry for me. Doesn't bother me anymore.
Oh yeah, spent 6 hours at my "friends" apartment today. She totally still likes me and was laughing at just about everything I had to say. Damn, do I love making her laugh.
I'm going to hold off on updates but all we are missing it seems is her wanting to date in general. She said stuff happened over Christmas break that turned her off dating right now.
I did get a chance to apologize in person and she knows what I want and admitted that she overreacted and apologized for that too.
Super fun day which it always is, she agreed.
Oh yeah, spent 6 hours at my "friends" apartment today. She totally still likes me and was laughing at just about everything I had to say. Damn, do I love making her laugh.
I'm going to hold off on updates but all we are missing it seems is her wanting to date in general. She said stuff happened over Christmas break that turned her off dating right now.
I did get a chance to apologize in person and she knows what I want and admitted that she overreacted and apologized for that too.
Super fun day which it always is, she agreed.
GutsOfThor
Member
For those who don't know my story here is the short version:
- Met a girl at a party in mid December who was friends with the bass player in the band I play in. I didn't talk to her much at the party.
- Asked her out for coffee a couple days before Christmas on facebook( I know, doomed to fail from the start)
- Received no response
- Today at practice the bass player says that the girl told her that I had asked her out and that she didn't respond because she didn't know what to say. What the fuck?
It's not like I asked her to marry me, I just asked if she would like to go out for a bit.
I'm guessing she felt bad about turning me down and figured it would be easier to just not respond at all.
- Met a girl at a party in mid December who was friends with the bass player in the band I play in. I didn't talk to her much at the party.
- Asked her out for coffee a couple days before Christmas on facebook( I know, doomed to fail from the start)
- Received no response
- Today at practice the bass player says that the girl told her that I had asked her out and that she didn't respond because she didn't know what to say. What the fuck?
It's not like I asked her to marry me, I just asked if she would like to go out for a bit.
I'm guessing she felt bad about turning me down and figured it would be easier to just not respond at all.
GutsOfThor
Member
Maybe she likes the bass player? Anyway, you did nothing wrong from the sound of things. It's her problem. Don't hold a grudge obviously
The bass player is a female and I highly doubt the girl is a lesbian. Also, I hold no grudge against her as she seems like a cool person and I wouldn't mind being friends with her but not at this point in time. The bass player was pretty pissed off and told her how rude and fucked up it was of her to just blow me off like that. Oh well, not my problem.
So things are moving along quickly with FB girl. I mean, we spent 24 hours together on our first time meeting. I'm going over to cook dinner for her tomorrow night and she invited me to a hockey game on Thursday.
I kind of feel bad in a way. Shallow me is saying that this is not the type of girl I would have normally went after...and yet it's like none of that matters because I really like her. I just don't want to jump into this by having second thoughts down the road thinking I could do better. I don't think I'm that type of person, and I'm thinking that I'm still really attracted to her even if she is not my ideal physical type. She's a fantastic person...she's really active, she's funny, she has a great laugh, she has a very positive outlook on life, and she's not afraid to show her affection.
I feel terrible for having these thoughts...physically I was definitely much more attracted to the last girl I was seeing, but my overall level of attraction for this girl is definitely above that.
I kind of feel bad in a way. Shallow me is saying that this is not the type of girl I would have normally went after...and yet it's like none of that matters because I really like her. I just don't want to jump into this by having second thoughts down the road thinking I could do better. I don't think I'm that type of person, and I'm thinking that I'm still really attracted to her even if she is not my ideal physical type. She's a fantastic person...she's really active, she's funny, she has a great laugh, she has a very positive outlook on life, and she's not afraid to show her affection.
I feel terrible for having these thoughts...physically I was definitely much more attracted to the last girl I was seeing, but my overall level of attraction for this girl is definitely above that.
electricshake
Member
If you do really like her, that's all that matters. I know how you feel though, the guy I'm seeing isn't in great shape, which I normally find pretty off putting but I like him so much that I don't even care. No guy has ever made me feel the way he does so it's not a big deal.
On page 255 I posted about how I asked out a girl at work (and she said yes) that I have a lot of chemistry with but she didn't want to date at work. Well we never went out, she's still hung up on the work thing. This was the prior Sunday.
So naturally on monday I started to pull back the interaction at work. Then the next day I get a text in the morning from her before work about how there is something wrong with us now and that she hated the previous day at work because it was awkward that I pulled back. We had a talk which was basically her saying "I have feelings for you but I don't date coworkers, so just go with the flow and still spend the time you do with me at work."
How can someone maintain the level of interaction that we have (we talk all day, spend breaks together to the point people ask if we are already together) both have feelings for each other, and never act on it because of her not wanting to date a coworker? I feel like she wants to have her cake and eat it too at my convenience.
So naturally on monday I started to pull back the interaction at work. Then the next day I get a text in the morning from her before work about how there is something wrong with us now and that she hated the previous day at work because it was awkward that I pulled back. We had a talk which was basically her saying "I have feelings for you but I don't date coworkers, so just go with the flow and still spend the time you do with me at work."
How can someone maintain the level of interaction that we have (we talk all day, spend breaks together to the point people ask if we are already together) both have feelings for each other, and never act on it because of her not wanting to date a coworker? I feel like she wants to have her cake and eat it too at my convenience.
Ok, I just got of the phone with my best friend. He talked to his girlfriend and they said: "Well, we don't really know how Isabelladora feels about this, but she said she liked the dancing a lot as well. But we don't know anything about it, but don't really mind. So go ahead."
So I'll call her tonight, invite her out for dinner someday. I'm really curious as to how this is gonna work out
So I'll call her tonight, invite her out for dinner someday. I'm really curious as to how this is gonna work out
If you're already having regrets or thinking you could do better...
depths20XX
Member
As a dude, I can say that being the little spoon does feel great sometimes.
@Gamefreaks221: 3 weeks is really not that long. It's perfectly normal to still have those feelings and think about her. I'm 2 months out of a breakup and I do still think about her sometimes but it's not nearly as painful.
I would say to not worry too much about being friends right now and if you do really want that to happen it will just take time and you'll have to be over her. I would like to be friends with my ex as well but I know right now isn't the time for it and I'm just focusing on seeing other people. Throw yourself out there in new situations and you'll surprise yourself and get over her eventually.
NeOak
Member
She just wants the attention and fears the moment you take a bite of the forbidden fruit you won't dedicate so much time to her as you do now.
So yeah, she wants the attention. The no dating coworkers is a valid excuse, but damn. Just stay away and if she wants the attention that bad, she'll have to pay the price because your time is worth it, and it could be better spent looking somewhere else.
PflargBlarg
Member
Nah man, this is important stuff. You have to be sure that this is someone that you're going to be attracted to for a long time. Strong physical attraction is an essential part of the relationship. I've always considered my 'type' to be very petite girls but the current gf is not like that at all; the important thing is that I think she's incredibly attractive.
You should just be sure that this isn't going to be a problem.
Seems weird to me. Someone that maintains arbitrary rules about love is not doing it right in my opinion. I just can't imagine being really into someone and they're into me and then not doing any thing about it because some part of the situation breaks some dumb rule.
I'm kind of electricshake's situation. She's a bit on the overweight side at the moment, but I'm not unattracted to her. In fact, seeing her pictures from just a year or so ago she looked really great. She's incredibly active and eats very well. That alone to me is very attractive, as the most unattractive thing about an overweight person is sloth and a total lack of personal pride. And well, there's also the fact that given her current level of activity and diet, I would assume she's going to be in decent shape in no time at all. The thing is, I was exactly in her situation just a few years ago where I had gained a good amount of weight, so given her current level of motivation, I really want to help her and encourage her to reach her goals.
So she's not 100% my ideal type physical type at the moment, but everything else fits. The last girl I was seeing was my ideal physical type, but there was zero chemistry, and in the end the attraction was not mutual. I feel much happier in this situation, and the fact that I really just like her for being her just kind of makes it feel right.
Ive been down that road, kind of in that road right now. Its dangerous to already expect changes from someone you just met. If you arent happy with how she looks now, I would be careful. What if you dated for a bit and found she had an eating disorder and only seemed to eat healthy in front of you? What if she didnt lose the weight? If it is that important to you, I would really start considering if this is the right girl for you to be seeing.
hydrophilic attack
Member
Ok GAF, I want your opinion on this:
Sexually inexperienced man going for a hook-up, possibly fwb situation with 25+ years older woman
Yay or nay?
I would like to add that I found her pretty attractive, despite her age, when we met (although we had both had a lot of drinks) and that from the drunken make-out session we had, my guess is that she would be absolutely mental in bed. I was hoping she could sort of show me the ropes.
Sexually inexperienced man going for a hook-up, possibly fwb situation with 25+ years older woman
Yay or nay?
I would like to add that I found her pretty attractive, despite her age, when we met (although we had both had a lot of drinks) and that from the drunken make-out session we had, my guess is that she would be absolutely mental in bed. I was hoping she could sort of show me the ropes.
Incidentally, I think my story would make for a pretty epic new thread, but I'm too paranoid about both of our privacy to make one.
anarckitty
Member
What does fwb mean??? Edit: Nevermind! I'm assuming it's friends with benefits.
To answer your question though....How old are you?
I would say totally go for it. When I started dating my husband he was 22, I was 25, and the only thing he'd ever done with a woman was kiss her.
Well it's not like I'm going in expecting changes. As far as I'm concerned she's already committed to making those changes before we ever started talking to each other. If she just gave up entirely...yeah that would be a problem. The thing is, fitness and healthy eating are clearly two of her passions...the fact that we can encourage each other in these aspects is great. I kind of wish I knew where she was coming from though so I could help her out, seeing as how I was in a similar situation myself. I just don't feel comfortable bringing it up because it might be a sensitive subject for her.
Here's the bottom line. I really like this girl and I would feel pretty stupid for throwing it away for what is probably just a temporary issue. And also, like I said, my biggest thing is that I don't want to be someone who is lazy and has no sense of self worth, because that was me 3 years ago. She is not like that at all...in fact she's far more motivated than I am which makes me want to get out there and do things...it's very refreshing to be with someone like that, because it will force me to be a more active and more rounded person overall.
In any case, I don't want this to sound like I'm having second thoughts. I'm just talking it out in here to make sure I'm going in for the right reasons. I'm really excited to see her tonight, so that at least says something.
GutsOfThor
Member
What are you waiting for man!? Go for it!
hydrophilic attack
Member
Just to clarify she's not 25+ years old. She's 25 years (or more) older than me.
I'm still thinking go for it
Edit: I'm very sure neither of us wants anything other than sex out of this.
Go for it.
Ok, Im just saying what im saying as I was in a similar situation, super active girl, very healthy eater, slightly chubby, find out later she had a crippling eating disorder and that all my talk of working out and healthy eating was making her hate herself more. Just something that is pretty common out there in womanland that you might want to at least have in the back of your mind.
I understand that you had that experience, but I won't entertain that idea at this point. I have a sister who has gone through some major health and hormonal issues which has resulted in her being severely underweight to overweight (80lbs to 160lbs in 3 month's time). I've been through it for 4 years now and I am pretty confident in my ability to read and handle the situation. The worst thing to do is to tell someone they have an eating disorder when they in fact don't have an eating disorder...I learned that from the effect that my father's accusations had on my sister. The best thing to do is to be as encouraging as possible...self-confidence is the best motivation.
In this case, she's the one who's bringing it up. I just like to encourage her by taking an interest and asking about her workouts. I trust she is sincere since, frankly, she has the portfolio to prove it (former bootcamp trainer and run organizer).
NeOak
Member
Don't pass up opportunities.
If you say no, are you sure you won't regret it later?
beat
Member
(about a Reddit thread) http://jezebel.com/man-poses-as-woman-on-online-dating-site-barely-lasts-1500707724
InfiniteBento
Member
I completely extracted their existence from my own.
Removing that person entirely makes it a lot easier to think/grow without them.
No communication or acknowledgement whatsoever. Live as if they never existed, at least until you're at a point where reminiscing isn't a hindrance to your emotional well-being.
Also, drinking. Drinking helped quite a bit.
This is the best thing. If you keep any sort of communication or reminder that they're around you're just going to miss them, continue to want them, etc. You need to remove them from your life, or remove yourself from theirs. It's an easier said than done thing, but it's what you have to do.
anarckitty
Member
Go for it! YOLO.
Dawww...
RedNalgene
Member
That's great man. Chemistry is way more important than looks IMO, so I'd vote for you to continue to see her too.
One word of caution - please don't go into this expecting her to lose weight, or hoping to get in better shape. It's an expectation that she may not have for herself, and if you secretly hope she loses weight and she doesn't, you may unfairly hold it against her. And if you outwardly try to help her to lose weight when she doesn't really want to or feel the need to, she may feel like you're putting pressure on her to be someone she isn't (or doesn't want to) be. Like her for who she is, not who she could be. Which sounds like exactly what you're doing, so keep it up!
Omegasquash
Member
Well, mine hurt me pretty deeply and I just figured I deserve better, so I'll go out and earn it. And I did.
Wasn't without nights of pounding headaches and I don't know how many cigarettes, but it was just a few weeks of feeling down.
Yeah, that's completely fair. I realized last night that I was completely okay with how she is right now. To be honest, fitness is more important to me than weight, and well she is certainly very fit. The main thing is that I don't want to be with someone completely sedentary because it's just a really bad influence on me. I always had the idea of getting together with a gamer girl, but I've realized just how destructive that could be to me health-wise.
So, its been 5 months since i met my girlfriend, and 3 months since we started living together, and she's been giving me some, not so subtle, hints a couple of times that she wants to get married one day. But I never know what to say to that, i love her very much, and so does she, i can perfectly imaging spending the rest of my life with her, but I feel like its way too soon to even say "i want to marry you". Am i wrong? I can't just say "yes i'd like to, but not now, it's too soon, let's wait for a year" either no?
It does feel like it to most people i guess, but I don't regret it. The main reason why she did it so soon is because she used to live 2½ hours away from me. Which means going to my apartment and going back home(or vice versa) was a 5 hours trip every weekend, not really fun huh? We both hated being only able to see each other 2 days a week, so...
She's been here since October and her presence haven't changed my lifestyle at all, just made it better and less lonely! She's a gamer as well as I do, so we spend our time playing WoW or Super Mario.
Or watching Jack Bauer be a badass in 24. Or watching movies in movie theaters. Or going to the restaurant. Or visiting the touristic area of Quebec. etc etc.It does feel like it to most people i guess, but I don't regret it. The main reason why she did it so soon is because she used to live 2½ hours away from me. Which means going to my apartment and going back home(or vice versa) was a 5 hours trip every weekend, not really fun huh?
She's been here since October and her presence haven't changed my lifestyle at all, just made it better and less lonely! She's a gamer as well as I do, so we spend our time playing WoW or Super Mario.
Ah, you're French Canadian...that explains it!
Explains what? lol
I still would like to know how me being from Quebec explains everything? Do we have some kind of reputation linked to whatever I said?
I don't want to rush it either, I just don't know the best way to tell her. I'm 29, soon to be 30(early March). She is going to be 31 tomorrow.
Do you spend any time with friends though? :S
And yes, it is waaay too early to be talking marriage, you don't even know each other yet (no, you don't. No, you do NOT). Perhaps it's the age thing, you know, it's "that time" in both your lives when you're supposed to settle down for good. Don't fall for it just for the sake of it.
And yes, it is waaay too early to be talking marriage, you don't even know each other yet (no, you don't. No, you do NOT). Perhaps it's the age thing, you know, it's "that time" in both your lives when you're supposed to settle down for good. Don't fall for it just for the sake of it.
InfiniteBento
Member
I mean, I'm sure she's ready for it but considering how early on you both are, it'd be best to talk about it and get it out of the way before it goes too far.
Just reassure her that you really love being with her but marriage is far too huge of a commitment to be making this soon into the relationship. If you dont talk about it now, she's only going to be more persistent on the topic. Its flattering that she likes you enough to want those things but realistically, its not wise to jump the gun so soon into it. Be direct about your feelings because that's not a light subject to be talking about.
That's just my opinion though.
Just reassure her that you really love being with her but marriage is far too huge of a commitment to be making this soon into the relationship. If you dont talk about it now, she's only going to be more persistent on the topic. Its flattering that she likes you enough to want those things but realistically, its not wise to jump the gun so soon into it. Be direct about your feelings because that's not a light subject to be talking about.
That's just my opinion though.
anarckitty
Member
Since you obviously love her that's what I'd start off saying. Assuming you would like to marry her at some point I would reassure her of your love for her, tell her you can totally see her as your wife in the future, but there's no reason to rush into it right at this moment.
Honestly, it just sounds like she needs a little reassurance. She wants to make sure she isn't just wasting her time on a relationship that won't go anywhere, especially at that age.
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