So, multiple poor reasons, you mean?
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
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So, multiple poor reasons, you mean?
Don't know why I read your last post as a question, but yeah. Multiple poor reasons, heh heh.
I'd absolutely love to see you do something about it
Out of Working Order
Member
You're talking about it here already, looking for some sort of help. The only difference with a therapist would be that you pay him, and that he or she should actually be trained in properly helping you
THE advice in DAting Age is to meet as much people as possible, to develop yourself, become as carefree and happy with yourself as possible. You said you wanted to bring something to the table for future dates. A confident and carefree attitude is a big something. And it should make dates or relationships a lot more fun.
Now meeting new people and having fun interactions with them (including women) has been made more difficult for you, for whatever reason. So there's an obstacle between what you would like, and where you're at now, right? So remove the obstacle. This is also very much getting out of your comfort zone, in a way that will DEFINITELY help you on the rest of your way. I know a LOT of people wo just had five or six talks with a therapist and had succes.
Now your situation isn't severe at all, but it's still hampering you. Why refrain from doing something that could benefit you? The potential rewards are huge, and the risks completely non-existent.
I will look into seeing a therapist, but am not 100 percent sold on the idea. Thanks again for your advice.
I've just contacted somebody online and asked her where she would like to travel in the world? Is this a good opener? She mentioned she wants to travel in her profile. I ask because she read my mail but never responded (as per usual). I honestly never know what to say first, so I just pick up on something in their profile and go on that. Of all the messages I've sent, I've only received one reply, and she didn't continue the conversation after that.
And I hate browsing profiles of women on dating websites. Every fucking one reads the same - it just feels like such a shitty way to meet people. Not to mention contrived.
ChubbyHuggs
Member
I'm going to wait until I fix my car before I even try to date anyone...
I'm feeling really good about myself, Dating-GAF. I did this exercise recommended by a friend of mine where you sit down for an hour and come up with all of the perfect qualities you want in a girl. You come up with this list of at least 30, and then you narrow it down to 10, and then to 5. You do the same for qualities that you don't want either. Then, you write a love letter to that girl which helps you imagine what your ideal relationship would be like. Ever since then, it's like I've been seeing those qualities popping up in people in my environment. I don't know. It's kind of like when you've got your eye on a shiny new car for a long time, and then you finally buy one, and you start noticing all of the people driving the same model as you when you go to drive it? Anyway, I thought I'd share the exercise. It kind of helps narrow the dating pool while also renewing your confidence in yourself.
You never truly know what a good opener is until they respond. And even if it works, who knows if it'll work on the next one. Questions are a lot better than sexual inuendos or a simply Hello though. As for the traveling thing, you could try making some guesses instead and be slightly funny about it? That'll be different to say the least. It'll also show you are fearless and aren't scared of her, which is a good thing. That's always something to strive for.
I'd absolutely love to see you do something about it
I'll ask someone out when I find someone to ask and when I'm confident that I would be a good boyfriend to them. Wouldn't want them to get stuck with a crappy one, after all, ahahahaha.
bigfunkychiken
Member
well then I guess it's time to start focusing on improving yourself, hm?
Well I told the girl I work with that has feelings for me but won't date me cause we work together that I can't give her the attention that I used to cause we have different intentions. I told her we can still be friends and talk but not on the level we did before. She replies "this is why work relationships don't work", and "I had no expectations and neither should you, I'm losing you and I didn't even do anything"
Apparently if you have feelings for someone that you spend a lot of time with and they don't want to take that next step...keep giving them that attention.
Apparently if you have feelings for someone that you spend a lot of time with and they don't want to take that next step...keep giving them that attention.
GutsOfThor
Member
God damn! I'm really beginning to think I may be one of the ugliest looking guys on Earth lol. I've rated over 500 women on Tinder and not ONE match. Even the meth addict looking ones turn me down.
Post a picture.
Nice of her to blame you! You did nothing wrong, quite the opposite. This is on her, it's because of her, not you, that this isn't working. Never forget that
Basically, yes. I have a lot to do to fix myself back up again. The depression during those last few years set me back a ways. I'm trying to work out of it now, so I guess that's task #1.
megamerican
Member
Sounds like you were pretty upfront and she shot you down with a convenient excuse. I have no idea why she thinks you would keep giving her attention after that.
At best she is comically naive, and it's probably more of an ego thing anyway.
She's definitely not naive, its definitely ego. She would brag when we first started talking about how guys go crazy for her and buy her stuff and beg to date her.
GutsOfThor
Member
I asked a couple of people and even though I thought the picture was good they all said it was horrible. I can't help if I look like an Hispanic version of Kramer from Seinfeld!
jimmypython
Member
WAT!?
How could she say "work relationships don't work" without even trying to start one...
beat
Member
Do you know any artsy photographer type people? Maybe they can make you endearing
bigfunkychiken
Member
because she's absolutely bonkers, that's how.
After all of this, yeah I think I'll be fine. I think she's never had a dude do this, she's always had guys gawkinf over her.
Yeah I brought that up, she just skirted around it. She wanted all the attention with no relationship.
So a girl at work keeps complimenting my clothes everyday pretty much, started going to lunch with the same group I go to lunch with and started texting me during work hours random stuff. I would think this is a sign of interest but... she has a boyfriend and I met the boyfriend once at the company party so I'm not that sure if shes interested or just likes to flirt.
Bail dude.
I have to say, tinder has been stroking my ego a little bit. I have a bunch of matches since I started using it a couple weeks ago. I've been chatting on and off with about 5 girls. Made date plans with two of them for this weekend. It's just so much more popular than okc in my area, especially among the under 25 crowd. Thus far I'm enjoying the minimalist approach versus a dating site with profiles and questions.
Just as a caveat, I've only seen a handful of 30+ women using it in my area.
Just as a caveat, I've only seen a handful of 30+ women using it in my area.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Leave it alone man.
DTLIONS1013
Member
Damn, I've had one match and it was a spam bot....starting to think having two girls in my profile photo might not be the best move, although it is Krewella
beat
Member
It's not like she's asking you out. I'd think she's just being friendly. It's not even clear to me if she's being flirty, but even if she was, some people flirt without intending anything by iti. If I were you, I wouldn't expect anything besides friendship, not based on what you've said is happening.
But hey, doesn't hurt to have a new friend and maybe she has single friends she could introduce you to.
If I'm getting too pushy just tell me to STFU
I just think it's a shame there's still a stigma attached to seeing a therapist for something that might by bothering someone. C'est tous And I honestly have no clue how to get a girls attention on an American dating site. From everything I've read, women have it really tough filtering through all the bullshit assholish messages, and decent guys have it really tough standing out from them. I've heard "pizza or sushi?" is a good opener
I use a different site here in Holland, where you get matched with people, so it's much easier to get a conversation started. But even then it's obvious there's an abundance of women. Either I'm sort of bitter, or my viewpoint that women can afford to be less spontaneous and more picky is actually true. For example: One girl had, as an opener: "what would be your dream trip?" So I replied: "I once actually dreamed of snowboarding down one side of a mountain, and on the other side is was summer, and you could surf there. As it happens I went surfing in San Diego two months ago, and went on to Salt lake City immediately after. Now snow there though
)" Her prewritten response to her own question showed up, which said: roadtripping in the US. Which matched PERFECTLY with my own answer. After that she manually replied: that's cool. No follow up on the vacation similarity, nothing interesting, nothing spontaneous. So my interest in her immediately plummeted. After that I replied: Has the trip to the US happened yet, or is it still just something from your dreams? If she doesn't come up with something interesting, I'm out Am I being jaded here?Synth_floyd
Banned
I have a relationship question. I live in Japan and met a Japanese girl on a dating site. We chatting a bit, exchanged pics and went on a date. The date was basically that we went to an izakaya (a bar/restaurant type place) then to karaoke, though we spent most of the time making out, rather than singing. And she was really into it too. So we messaged each other daily for the next few days, I asked her out again the next weekend but she went on a trip to Kyoto until the monday. And during that weekend we still texted some and she sent me a bunch of pics of her in Kyoto and blah blah.
Then starting on Tuesday she basically ignores my texts when she would usually reply immediately or relatively soon afterwards. Not sure what's going on, I ask her out again and now she says she has the flu. LOL yeah I know what that likely means. She either realized that getting drunk and making out wasn't that great of a date/doesn't want to date someone who does that, or like all dating sites that have a 20:1 male:female ratio she probably found someone else and lost interest in me. It's likely the latter.
Anyway, should I ask her point blank if she is interested in dating again? Like "hey I had a good time and want to go out with you again but don't want to keep bothering you if you're not interested" (I can fix the wording, it will be in Japanese though) Or is it one of those questions where if you have to ask you probably know the answer? The plus side would be to hopefully get a direct answer and clear up all the mystery (either get a green or red light), the minus side is that it seems weak/insecure and maybe if she actually does like me a little it could kill that and chase her away. Yeah she's Japanese but I don't think the cultural difference will play too much. A friend of mine said that it's better to play it cool since the chances of letting her go and her "coming back" on her own are greater than the chance of her saying yes to that question right now.
WOMEN ARE SO ANNOYING. LOL
Then starting on Tuesday she basically ignores my texts when she would usually reply immediately or relatively soon afterwards. Not sure what's going on, I ask her out again and now she says she has the flu. LOL yeah I know what that likely means. She either realized that getting drunk and making out wasn't that great of a date/doesn't want to date someone who does that, or like all dating sites that have a 20:1 male:female ratio she probably found someone else and lost interest in me. It's likely the latter.
Anyway, should I ask her point blank if she is interested in dating again? Like "hey I had a good time and want to go out with you again but don't want to keep bothering you if you're not interested" (I can fix the wording, it will be in Japanese though) Or is it one of those questions where if you have to ask you probably know the answer? The plus side would be to hopefully get a direct answer and clear up all the mystery (either get a green or red light), the minus side is that it seems weak/insecure and maybe if she actually does like me a little it could kill that and chase her away. Yeah she's Japanese but I don't think the cultural difference will play too much. A friend of mine said that it's better to play it cool since the chances of letting her go and her "coming back" on her own are greater than the chance of her saying yes to that question right now.
WOMEN ARE SO ANNOYING. LOL
stn
Member
The thing I always tell myself is that a woman WILL reach out to you if she wants to after you have ceased communication. She WILL find a way to insert herself into your life. You've made your intentions clear, she knows what's up. Stop reaching out to her and let it go from there.
I skipped some details, shes flirty as fuck always touching when she talks to me and theres also the fact that we knew each other for about 8 months and this started 2 months ago. But yeah maybe shes just being friendly I dont know.
anarckitty
Member
Honestly, instead of just coming right out and asking if she's still interested, I would just wait 2 weeks. No texting, e-mails, phone calls during this time. Nothing. Then, if you're still interested in her after this shoot her a casual text asking if she'd like to go out for dinner or something. If she wants to know why she hasn't heard from you in 2 weeks just explain that since she told you she had the flu you wanted to make sure she was feeling better before you reached out to her again. Best case scenario she contacts you before the 2 weeks is up. Worst case scenario she makes up some lame excuse not to go out with you again, and then you'll know and can move on.
For example: One girl had, as an opener: "what would be your dream trip?" So I replied: "I once actually dreamed of snowboarding down one side of a mountain, and on the other side is was summer, and you could surf there. As it happens I went surfing in San Diego two months ago, and went on to Salt lake City immediately after. Now snow there though
No. That girl sounds boring as shit and/or not interested in you.
It sounds like she is at the very least attracted to you. She could also be trying to get attention from another source other than her boyfriend. Maybe he doesn't give her as much attention as she would like. Everyone enjoys a nice stroke to their ego, so she may be giving you this attention because of this. I'm not trying to endorse infidelity, but she isn't married to this guy. The best bet is probably to just continue being the awesome person I'm assuming you are, but don't cross the line. If she's unhappy in her current relationship she'll eventually let you know.
Synth_floyd
Banned
After she said "sorry i'm sick" I just basically replied "Ok get well soon let's go out later!" and she said "ok thanks!" and now the plan is basically wait for some period of time then ask her out again later.
Though I always feel like with women there is a period where they are interested in me and then it cools down and i never "strike the iron while it's hot." So if I wait a week or two without contact then I feel like she'll completely lose whatever interest she had. Though at this point she might not be interested at all anyway.
But the consensus seems to be don't ask her directly, play it cool and wait so I'll try that.
Though I always feel like with women there is a period where they are interested in me and then it cools down and i never "strike the iron while it's hot." So if I wait a week or two without contact then I feel like she'll completely lose whatever interest she had. Though at this point she might not be interested at all anyway.
But the consensus seems to be don't ask her directly, play it cool and wait so I'll try that.
Thanks.
Mister Wilhelm
Member
I think you are misundestanding how dating works. Women hate confrontation and hold all the cards.
Learn to live with and work around that. Frustration will not help. Just let it go and move on.
That, or she was kidnapped by the yakuza.
I'm really sick of relationships, dating, everything. Tonight really cook the cake. I had become friends with this girl quite a long time ago and fell for her, she fell for me too. We got along REALLY well, more so than anyone else I know but she was dating another guy and actually lived with him. We weren't cheating but had mentioned each others feelings a while ago, it got to the point where we spoke about it, she had mentioned a lot of issues with him and really didn't sound like it was going to last much longer. I mentioned us being together and she wanted time to think and things like where would she move if they split up. I said fine. I didn't fully wait but I guess you could say I put my heart on wait and another more than a casual thing. So after it coming up again yesterday it sounded like she was really going to do it and finally end it with this guy.
Then by some freak chance tonight I'm on reddit and I see her. I never knew she even used that site but it's 100% her. I click on her profile and saw one of her last comments was in the relationship area. It was talking about how her success with her current boyfriend and that he's everything she hoped for and more and that they're even talking about kids and marriage.
What a fucking fool I am.
Then by some freak chance tonight I'm on reddit and I see her. I never knew she even used that site but it's 100% her. I click on her profile and saw one of her last comments was in the relationship area. It was talking about how her success with her current boyfriend and that he's everything she hoped for and more and that they're even talking about kids and marriage.
What a fucking fool I am.
I'm sorry that you got led on. it sounds like it was never a sure thing to begin with. She may have been the type of girl who will break up with her boyfriend after every argument, then get back together with him a few days later. It usually doesn't turn out well when you spend all of your time waiting for your chance to start a relationship with someone because you believe that they'll end their current relationship soon. You just have to move on. Don't wait to be a rebound.
trab pu kcip
Member
You dodged a bullet.
So I have this friend that I knew since we were kids. He's handsome, smart and nice. I haven't seen him in a few years. He's been in a few relationships and currently he's in one with a pretty awesome girl. I was catching up with him the other day and he told me that the only reason he's with her (or any other girl for that matter) is for sex. He told me that he's happiest when he's single, but he feels the need to be in stable relationship, mainly for the sex. He said he goes thru the motions (going out/movies/etc) just to keep her happy. He's never cheated before and he not up for random sex.
How do you guys feel about what he said? Anybody else feel the same way or doing the same thing?
How do you guys feel about what he said? Anybody else feel the same way or doing the same thing?
This isn't entirely unique. A lot of buddies I know do this for a bit, but most outgrow it after a while (some never do). However, most guys I know that do this don't keep a relationship long because that usually puts a strain on the relationship or it gets more serious than they are comfortable with.
No, I got hit pretty spot on.
It's tough to hear now, but I just think he meant that you would really have to ask yourself if someone was willing to completely lead on another person while they secretly have a great relationship with their current partner, is that the kind of person you want to have an intimate relationship with?
Food for thought, and not easy to swallow when the wallow is heavy.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
I think my dad is trying to set me up with a friend's, friend's, relative or something. I know nothing about this girl. At all. He just gave my e-mail address and I basically had no say in this.
THIS IS TOO EPHEMERAL AND VAGUE FOR ME.
THIS IS TOO EPHEMERAL AND VAGUE FOR ME.
ChubbyHuggs
Member
Did she e-mail you, so you can look up her e-mail?
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