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[depths20XX]

So I'm supposed to hang out with that girl from Tinder this afternoon and based on how my week is going, I'm 100% expecting the girl to actually be some fat old bald guy who just wants some company.

Any advice on what to wear? We are just meeting for some coffee at a cafe so should I just dress casual? Mind you, my wardrobe consists mainly of black cargo pants, blue jeans and metal band shirts.

You should dress casual but your wardrobe sounds pretty bad and is not the right choice. Unless she's into metal bands...

 

[Deleted member 47027]

Anyone else experience wild changes in how their penis performs? Last week, I got two blowjobs and I lasted about 2 minutes each time. Tonight I get two blowjobs- the first one lasts about 2 minutes, but the second one takes 30 minutes! It went from blowjob, to handjob, to me finishing while she watched. WTF? It's happened with sex before as well, where I usually last 2 minutes, but then all of the sudden I'll go for 20-30 minutes. Every so often when I masturbate it takes a really long time, too. It sucks and is really embarrassing. It's like 28 minutes of work that doesn't feel all that good, and then it actually kicks in for the last 2 minutes.

Certainly someone out there can relate. I do take medication for OCD and depression, so that may contribute, I think...

Medication can have a HUGE effect. Don't worry about it though. It does what it does.

Hello, Dating-age. Been quite hesitant to post here but I'd like some feedback. Long time lurker.

There's this woman from college, we took a class together last semester and I got interested in her, super fun and sensible and fancy, but I was all sorts of awkward and never managed to ask her out. In perspective, we did only talk twice, and I'm busy as shit hell with work and college, but by goodness, when we did there was all sorts of good stuff happening, things in common, cool interaction, her laughing at my shitty jokes, the works. I'm totally her type, too, you just perceive that stuff from interaction. Since I didn't ask her out we fell out around half of the semester and she dated another dude. Sadface.

I found her at uni again this new semester, yet she no longer seems as reactive to me. Said hi to me and stuff and I struck small talk and such, but it wasn't long enough for me to determine anything in certainty. She's not dating right now, though, and I'm deffo still interested and totally want to still try, ask her for a chance and stuff, Question, would you refined gents drop it and save face, keep it friendly only and such bs, or go at it, see if it pans out? We're not taking a class together any longer, so I missed my chance there, but I plan on using the best of me to try to rekindle and ask her out. What would you gents do? To be fair it's still unexplored land, and she's single so it still has potential. I'm not getting anywhere otherwise.

Thank you in advance, I'll report back.

You "found her" yet had only spoken to her twice? I think you should lay off of it. If you wanna cast your line one time make it the all or nothing bit - meaning if she's interested, great, but if she puts it off for ANY reason, let it go. Just be prepared to let it go and actually let it go if she's unreceptive.

So I'm supposed to hang out with that girl from Tinder this afternoon and based on how my week is going, I'm 100% expecting the girl to actually be some fat old bald guy who just wants some company.

Any advice on what to wear? We are just meeting for some coffee at a cafe so should I just dress casual? Mind you, my wardrobe consists mainly of black cargo pants, blue jeans and metal band shirts.

I'd recommend buying some shirts that let you blend into a crowd. Simple t-shirts, no more of those Overkill shirts my dude.

 

[bigfunkychiken]

So I'm supposed to hang out with that girl from Tinder this afternoon and based on how my week is going, I'm 100% expecting the girl to actually be some fat old bald guy who just wants some company.

Any advice on what to wear? We are just meeting for some coffee at a cafe so should I just dress casual? Mind you, my wardrobe consists mainly of black cargo pants, blue jeans and metal band shirts.

Seems to be a bit too late for you to change your wardrobe now, but, for the future, I'd highly recommend checking out r/MaleFashionAdvice. I feel that it's helped me out a LOT in the clothing department.. and, if you're out of high school, band shirts should definitely not make up a large portion of what you wear (neither should cargo pants).

 

[nullset2]

You "found her" yet had only spoken to her twice? I think you should lay off of it. If you wanna cast your line one time make it the all or nothing bit - meaning if she's interested, great, but if she puts it off for ANY reason, let it go. Just be prepared to let it go and actually let it go if she's unreceptive.

Well, we took a class together so it's not like it was two completely isolated events, but then again, I know what you mean, and I get it. Good advice.

 

[Deleted member 47027]

Well, we took a class together so it's not like it was two completely isolated events, but then again, I know what you mean, and I get it. Good advice.

I say make the effort once, but totally let go if there's nothing there. Anything more than that would be a little too much. Good luck brah.

 

[Kung Fu Jedi]

Anyone else experience wild changes in how their penis performs? Last week, I got two blowjobs and I lasted about 2 minutes each time. Tonight I get two blowjobs- the first one lasts about 2 minutes, but the second one takes 30 minutes! It went from blowjob, to handjob, to me finishing while she watched. WTF? It's happened with sex before as well, where I usually last 2 minutes, but then all of the sudden I'll go for 20-30 minutes. Every so often when I masturbate it takes a really long time, too. It sucks and is really embarrassing. It's like 28 minutes of work that doesn't feel all that good, and then it actually kicks in for the last 2 minutes.

Certainly someone out there can relate. I do take medication for OCD and depression, so that may contribute, I think...

While your medication can obviously play a part, getting two blowjobs or having sex twice in a day (or more!) will certainly cause you take longer. When my girlfriend and I are together for a weekend, we usually have sex several times a day. I'm usually not super quick anyway, but the first time or two is definitely faster. But after we've done it a few times, I can go a lot longer. That's very natural.

 

[freshair]

Hello, Dating-age. Been quite hesitant to post here but I'd like some feedback. Long time lurker.

There's this woman from college, we took a class together last semester and I got interested in her, super fun and sensible and fancy, but I was all sorts of awkward and never managed to ask her out. In perspective, we did only talk twice, and I'm busy as shit hell with work and college, but by goodness, when we did there was all sorts of good stuff happening, things in common, cool interaction, her laughing at my shitty jokes, the works. I'm totally her type, too, you just perceive that stuff from interaction. Since I didn't ask her out we fell out around half of the semester and she dated another dude. Sadface.

I found her at uni again this new semester, yet she no longer seems as reactive to me. Said hi to me and stuff and I struck small talk and such, but it wasn't long enough for me to determine anything in certainty. She's not dating right now, though, and I'm deffo still interested and totally want to still try, ask her for a chance and stuff, Question, would you refined gents drop it and save face, keep it friendly only and such bs, or go at it, see if it pans out? We're not taking a class together any longer, so I missed my chance there, but I plan on using the best of me to try to rekindle and ask her out. What would you gents do? Any women here who have been in a similar situation, would you go for it? What are my shots? To be fair it's still unexplored land, and she's single so it still has potential. I'm not getting anywhere otherwise.

Thank you in advance, I'll report back.

Definitely go for it. You guys aren't friends. You're barely acquaintances. Don't have any expectation going in.

Talk her. Make small talk. Then ask her for her number because you'd like to take her out sometime. And don't say "hang out".

 

[gazele]

Anyone else experience wild changes in how their penis performs? Last week, I got two blowjobs and I lasted about 2 minutes each time. Tonight I get two blowjobs- the first one lasts about 2 minutes, but the second one takes 30 minutes! It went from blowjob, to handjob, to me finishing while she watched. WTF? It's happened with sex before as well, where I usually last 2 minutes, but then all of the sudden I'll go for 20-30 minutes. Every so often when I masturbate it takes a really long time, too. It sucks and is really embarrassing. It's like 28 minutes of work that doesn't feel all that good, and then it actually kicks in for the last 2 minutes.

Certainly someone out there can relate. I do take medication for OCD and depression, so that may contribute, I think...

Are you on antidepressants? Which one (if you wanna share, its cool if not)?

And two minutes for a blow job? Holy shit dude, thats super fast, or else the girl is just really good at it

Its the best and its the worst.

I still have to teach my girl to like video games. She's one of those girls that says games are dumb and then goes home to netflix My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding and other shitty TLC reality shows

She's got a long way to go

I wouldn't recommend trying to change someone, it's not healthy for either one of you, gotta accept her for who she is or find someone more compatible

 

[sooperkool]

She e-mailed me her number for texting purposes and that once again, she knows nothing about me. What do I say? There is nothing interesting about me.

It's like this, but I don't have the luxury of being Kevin Bacon.

Try this.

" Have you ever had a blind date before"?

 

[TylerD]

I did it! Get out of the friendzone, you say??? Nope. Just got over her. We still hang out and it is always a lot of fun but I have accepted my friend status.

Did go on two dates this week. Nothing really to report, maybe more potential friends which is always welcome.

 

[Deleted member 47027]

I did it! Get out of the friendzone, you say??? Nope. Just got over her. We still hang out and it is always a lot of fun but I have accepted my friend status.

Did go on two dates this week. Nothing really to report, maybe more potential friends which is always welcome.

That's because there is no such thing as a friendzone, brother!

 

[Tsukumo]

Is it ever worth confessing to a girl that you like her or does it virtually always come across as weak and desperate?

[cut]

Karaoke are considered one of the most popular places for a hook-up (or the beginning of one). They have the additional quality of transgression, since the fact there's a door kinda buys into the fantasy of being found out.
She wasn't looking for anything serious. If she has ANY connection to friends, workplace or neighbourhood, it's much fruitful to drop her instead of fishing for a confirmation. You won't get it.
Japanese girls are probably the most emotional and prone to hysterics girls that I've ever met.
A lot of young people in Japan nowadays are extremely spoiled: they either end up depressed and suicidal (when the "love" they get home doesn't match with the social response outside the household) or show the most extreme features of narcissism. That's why Japan is chock-full of guys who are able to squeeze girls for money like the ones in the host-business. I mean, do you imagine the amount of denial and detachment it takes to deprive a girl of a month-worth of salary by welcoming her into the club like you have waited for her all along, then not acknowledging her until she pays for expensive champagne bottles? You have to be sick to be able to do something like that.

In a club, a bar, a pub or a setting like that, after initial greeting and few sentences exchanged I talk about situational stuff or anything that comes to mind, but often nothing does which causes me to prematurely pull out and try to close, need more time to build attraction to number close or further so my question is when my brain lags wtf do I go to, what do I talk about? During the day and the dates I can usually figure shit up but sometimes it happens there too so yeah, what to talk about?

P.s. typos due to ipad in bed
Edit: reminder to weigh in on who pays topic tomorrow.

The conversation dries out for two reasons: first, you probably keep going into a repertoire, second you are not getting proper back and forth from the girls. People go to clubs to have fun, there's a constant injection of visual and musical cues, so if you come in with small talk you are basically spoiling the mood. You run out of things to say because the girls probably don't respond well to your "topics": you can't have an actual conversation in a club because people will constantly drop in and out of it, to dance together, to greet a friend who came late, to eyeball a guy with a pair of cool boots.
Just in case: if you are going around cities like L.A. or NYC, I'd suggest to drop the PUA lingo. It will create you a lot of trouble.

Well tonight has certainly been interesting with a girl I have only been going out for three months and I don't know how what to do (interesting that I can give good advice but not on my own self!), but basically I have got a close family friend wedding coming up in March and I not thought much on about it and forgot and then she comes across the card and gets offended why she wasn't invited and so fourth. I wasn't good at answering but I expressed that it's just a wedding and don't see it as a big deal and not to sure on the whole thing as not into the wedding scene and happy to stick to seeing family and by myself since I am like that a little in the shy way (if it's close family but when hanging with friends I am so out there) and she just found it awkward and gave me the silent treatment and went home.

Am I in the wrong here for not seeing it as much as a big deal with how she got offended on me being thoughtless on the whole thing? We've only been going out for three months and I thought my answer why was justified.

You did the right thing and she is overplaying her hand by giving you the silent treatment. One thing I'd keep in mind: you've basically put out of the picture the "seriousness" of the relationship. She will probably start to list ex-boyfriends, friends at work and guys who bother her on the street, pretty soon. If she sensed you felt guilty about what you said, or that the silent treatment got to you (did you try to calm her? talk her down her rage? try to make her smile?) you are in big trouble.

She e-mailed me her number for texting purposes and that once again, she knows nothing about me. What do I say? There is nothing interesting about me.

One of the most thread-starting, talkative gaffer doesn't know what to say. Wowza!
You could start with "I will never go out with you unless you like ALL Christopher Nolan's movies" XD
Honestly, I think you feel out of your element... because you are out of your element: you are trying to be serious and formal.
I think you have a lot of advantage in this situation because you two have been introduced to each other, so this gives you a LARGE room to fuck it up a little bit. There's no need to feel so cautious. Keep the messages short (average Gaf-post) and move the conversation as fast as you can to the phone, I think texting will keep you in an analysis-paralysis state and that talking on the phone will dispel your hesitations in a couple of seconds.

 

[FutureZombie]

Are you on antidepressants? Which one (if you wanna share, its cool if not)?

And two minutes for a blow job? Holy shit dude, thats super fast, or else the girl is just really good at it

I take Luvox and Pristiq. I just think it's strange that my time fluctuates. She is really good, which made it all the more awful when I could not get off for 30 minutes. I used to think cumming in 2 mins was bad, but 30 minutes is way worse.

 

[TheExodu5]

Anyone else experience wild changes in how their penis performs? Last week, I got two blowjobs and I lasted about 2 minutes each time. Tonight I get two blowjobs- the first one lasts about 2 minutes, but the second one takes 30 minutes! It went from blowjob, to handjob, to me finishing while she watched. WTF? It's happened with sex before as well, where I usually last 2 minutes, but then all of the sudden I'll go for 20-30 minutes. Every so often when I masturbate it takes a really long time, too. It sucks and is really embarrassing. It's like 28 minutes of work that doesn't feel all that good, and then it actually kicks in for the last 2 minutes.

Certainly someone out there can relate. I do take medication for OCD and depression, so that may contribute, I think...

I can be like that too sometimes...I get overstimulated and then I start losing a lot of sensation, which results in it being really hard for me to finish. The only cure for me is to refrain from activity for a while (hours to a day or two). I don't really think that's overly abnormal.

Everybody's different. Don't get hung up on needing to get off in a prescribed amount of time.

 

[demented]

I'm starting to hate weekends, none of my friends ever want to go out or do shit, they promise they will and want and always have excuse, I'm talking about like 10 different people, and solo is a no go. Sunday-Thursday's good then weekend and meh.

Fuck me, I need to make new friends but that's harder than meeting girls.

The conversation dries out for two reasons: first, you probably keep going into a repertoire, second you are not getting proper back and forth from the girls. People go to clubs to have fun, there's a constant injection of visual and musical cues, so if you come in with small talk you are basically spoiling the mood. You run out of things to say because the girls probably don't respond well to your "topics": you can't have an actual conversation in a club because people will constantly drop in and out of it, to dance together, to greet a friend who came late, to eyeball a guy with a pair of cool boots.
Just in case: if you are going around cities like L.A. or NYC, I'd suggest to drop the PUA lingo. It will create you a lot of trouble.

I'm really not doing any repertoire or routine, I go without any thinking about it and talk about random shit, like commented on noone dancing (welcome to my country), my friends, her friend, her boyfriend(called her out) few more things. That's a specific situation, I don't know, others are ok, few days ago was with this girl and had no problems, it was during the day at coffee place so easier to talk. I just need to approach more and problem will solve itself, I'm just being me and over thinking things and trying to improve too fast.
I'm not from USA, the playing field here is much much different. And I use pua terms because it's easier when talking about these things, in real life never.

Is there anything you're passionate about? You could always ask what she thinks about that. Also, you could always ask what she does for a living, if she's going to school, what field she's studying in, etc.

Yeah I know all that just in a moment sometimes I forget. But I'm mainly focused on club scene and here it's annoying. You get a loud music aaaand people sitting or standing by their tables and out of like 50 people 5 dancing, rest just looking at each other, also usually not much approaching or too much on few girls that get showered with drinks(also girls never pay here for anything, ever), girls on pedestal and a lot of ice queens, it's just hell. I don't wanna go ranting here or try to make it seem too bad, I'm used to it, and all my friends from abroad that visit finally believe me about some things. That's why I love to travel and always wanted to study abroad etc.

Are you asking her questions too? It's pretty easy to build conversation and keep it going if you listen to what the other person is saying and pick up on cues.

Also remember that a bit of silence is acceptable. It'll either give her a chance to resume the conversation or for you to think of something else. It isn't an immediate sign that you should bail.

I know everything in theory, I just need practice, and to stop making excuses. And I do it mostly when I think about it later or post here, when it's time for action gogogo.
Friend buying a cigarettes at shop, I ask him loudly to buy me porn mags, then have girls and girl working giggle, approach girls waiting next, all fine, just need to slow my brain when home and not much is happening, and that's why I started visiting shrink, unstoppable thoughts, can't sleep etc but now going into unrelated things.
Tldr i make posts when tired and overthing or imagine problems, doing it again now.

 

[Minamu]

Go out solo simply because it is a no go. No hesitation, no arguments, no excuses, just go out solo. Do it tonight.

 

[Dilly]

So, I went on 2 dates with a girl, she wanted to stay friends because she wasn't over some other guy, 1 week later she meets my best friend and she asks him out and he said yes.

I'm feeling agressive GAF because I think he's an asshole for already saying yes instead of at least waiting a couple of months, I won't be surprised if it's going to fuck up my friendship with him.

 

[Minamu]

So, I went on 2 dates with a girl, she wanted to stay friends because she wasn't over some other guy, 1 week later she meets my best friend and she asks him out and he said yes.

I'm feeling agressive GAF because I think he's an asshole for already saying yes instead of at least waiting a couple of months, I won't be surprised if it's going to fuck up my friendship with him.

Two dates are like nothing, I'm sorry to say. The why's don't really matter, she isn't into you for whatever reason. And it doesn't really matter if your friend knew of your two dates. She asked him, not the other way around. She likes him better for some reason and that's okay. None involved have done anything wrong here and I don't think you have any legit reason for being upset unfortunately. Not sure what else to tell you man You don't own this girl, and she doesn't owe you anything when she has already said she isn't interested. The arbitrary "wait a couple of months" is nothing but. If you had been sleeping with this girl in a relationship, maybe, or if she had been your steady girlfriend for a year or something yeah, but two dates. Nah. Be happy for them instead, being butt hurt over it isn't gonna win you or anyone else any points, you know that

 

[Dilly]

Two dates are like nothing, I'm sorry to say. The why's don't really matter, she isn't into you for whatever reason. And it doesn't really matter if your friend knew of your two dates. She asked him, not the other way around. She likes him better for some reason and that's okay. None involved have done anything wrong here and I don't think you have any legit reason for being upset unfortunately. Not sure what else to tell you man You don't own this girl, and she doesn't owe you anything when she has already said she isn't interested. The arbitrary "wait a couple of months" is nothing but. If you had been sleeping with this girl in a relationship, maybe, or if she had been your steady girlfriend for a year or something yeah, but two dates. Nah. Be happy for them instead, being butt hurt over it isn't gonna win you or anyone else any points, you know that

I know, wouldn't really care if she dates someone else. It just pisses me off it's him, especially since he knows how much bad luck I've had over the past few months. I know I'll have to get over it, because the alternative is having to find another drummer and a different group of friends, so I'll just have to suck it up.

I'm done with constantly helping him with his self image, organising every night out/vacation/gigs we go to though.

 

[Minamu]

I know, wouldn't really care if she dates someone else. It just pisses me off it's him, especially since he knows how much bad luck I've had over the past few months. I know I'll have to get over it, because the alternative is having to find another drummer and a different group of friends, so I'll just have to suck it up.

I'm done with constantly helping him with his self image, organising every night out/vacation/gigs we go to though.

So the problem really lies elsewhere, doesn't it? At least you know that you gain nothing positive from being angry over something so meaningless. You're probably a good looking guy, not that it really matters, so you'll find someone else in no time If you're having any inner game issues, you've come to the right place!

 

[Dilly]

So the problem really lies elsewhere, doesn't it? At least you know that you gain nothing positive from being angry over something so meaningless. You're probably a good looking guy, not that it really matters, so you'll find someone else in no time If you're having any inner game issues, you've come to the right place!

I guess so, after being forever alone for 21 years the last year has been such a clusterfuck of a learning experience ranging from a girl who wanted to go to Paris with me for a few days only to find out she has a boyfriend she's never told about to this.

Just sucks she really had compatible interests.

 

[Minamu]

I guess so, after being forever alone for 21 years the last year has been such a clusterfuck of a learning experience ranging from a girl who wanted to go to Paris with me for a few days only to find out she has a boyfriend she's never told about to this.

Just sucks she really had compatible interests.

I know that fell, you're not alone We all go through the rough learning experiences at some point. It's hardly ever smooth sailing for anyone. But as long as you learn and come out of it intact, you're gonna be fine. These things build character no matter what happens. Just make sure you don't come out jaded and bitter on the other side, as easy as it may be. I kissed a girl last August and tried setting up dates after that but it never panned out. I didn't see her again until last Wednesday and we kissed more at the club, became facebook friends the day after and had talked about meeting up earlier this week. But then she also drops the fact that she is going steady with someone and kinda slaps me in the face with the truthfact that if she had been truly interested in me, she'd have called herself a long time ago. Sometime shit just happens and WE make it mean something more, usually negative, than it really does.

 

[Dilly]

I know that fell, you're not alone We all go through the rough learning experiences at some point. It's hardly ever smooth sailing for anyone. But as long as you learn and come out of it intact, you're gonna be fine. These things build character no matter what happens. Just make sure you don't come out jaded and bitter on the other side, as easy as it may be. I kissed a girl last August and tried setting up dates after that but it never panned out. I didn't see her again until last Wednesday and we kissed more at the club, became facebook friends the day after and had talked about meeting up earlier this week. But then she also drops the fact that she is going steady with someone and kinda slaps me in the face with the truthfact that if she had been truly interested in me, she'd have called herself a long time ago. Sometime shit just happens and WE make it mean something more, usually negative, than it really does.

I fully agree. Here's hoping though it will stop 'sucking' one day.

 

[NeOak]

I fully agree. Here's hoping though it will stop 'sucking' one day.

She choose the "fake" image you helped your friend create.

Maybe not fake, but now that he doesn't have you to help him: gg.

It will stop sucking. Just disconnect for a while.

 

[Dilly]

She choose the "fake" image you helped your friend create.

Maybe not fake, but now that he doesn't have you to help him: gg.

It will stop sucking. Just disconnect for a while.

Thanks, happened at a "good" time since all my friends are going on a ski trip while I'm going to London. It's definitely going to do me some good, and every day I'm feeling better about my decision to go there alone and do the stuff I want to do.

-edit

Right, forgot I bought tickets to go see a concert late february with said girl, that could be awkward.

 

[zeemumu]

I did it! Get out of the friendzone, you say??? Nope. Just got over her. We still hang out and it is always a lot of fun but I have accepted my friend status.

Did go on two dates this week. Nothing really to report, maybe more potential friends which is always welcome.

Would you like to know a secret? If are completely fine with remaining friends with them and your romantic feelings towards them are gone, then the friendzone ceases to exist. Probably the best way to escape the friendzone short of actually getting her to go out with you. And now that you recognize what the friendzone is like, you're less likely to get into it again and will it back into existence. If you don't believe in it, it can't come back. It's like Freddy Krueger or Maleficent.

 

[Lafiel]

So, I went on 2 dates with a girl, she wanted to stay friends because she wasn't over some other guy, 1 week later she meets my best friend and she asks him out and he said yes.

I'm feeling agressive GAF because I think he's an asshole for already saying yes instead of at least waiting a couple of months, I won't be surprised if it's going to fuck up my friendship with him.

Get over it.

Who gives a shit? she's into him, she's not into you.. woe is me I can't believe people would even consider letting their friendships dissipate over something as silly as this.

 

[Deleted member 47027]

So, I went on 2 dates with a girl, she wanted to stay friends because she wasn't over some other guy, 1 week later she meets my best friend and she asks him out and he said yes.

I'm feeling agressive GAF because I think he's an asshole for already saying yes instead of at least waiting a couple of months, I won't be surprised if it's going to fuck up my friendship with him.

She's not into you. That's all there is to it - take the L and move on. It's not like your friend not being there would have changed anything.

EDIT: It's also not his responsibility to shape her attraction to you. It's just not there. Accept and move on.

 

[KittyKittyBangBang]

So Gaf wondering your opinion on something. I've been on three dates with this girl I met online. We have hit it off EXTREMELY well, text 40-50 times a day. Seem to have really made a connection. Only issue is she was married for 11 years, and been divorced for 5 months! That doesn't seem like enough time to have fully dealt with that situation. So I have been taking things very slow and been super cautious. Normally I would abandon ship, but there is something about girl. Am I rebound guy? Is this thing doomed from the start? What do you think Gaf

Side note: I have paid for 100% of first dates and happy to do it. Am I part of the problem?

 

[Deleted member 47027]

So Gaf wondering your opinion on something. I've been on three dates with this girl I met online. We have hit it off EXTREMELY well, text 40-50 times a day. Seem to have really made a connection. Only issue is she was married for 11 years, and been divorced for 5 months! That doesn't seem like enough time to have fully dealt with that situation. So I have been taking things very slow and been super cautious. Normally I would abandon ship, but there is something about girl. Am I rebound guy? Is this thing doomed from the start? What do you think Gaf

Side note: I have paid for 100% of first dates and happy to do it. Am I part of the problem?

Everyone is different. Five months is a long time. Don't judge how long it's taking her. She could have been really miserable and happy to be free. Who knows? Take it at face value, don't let her divorce (which has nothing to do with you) impede what you've got happening. Accept it, balls deep.

 

[Out of Working Order]

I know that fell, you're not alone We all go through the rough learning experiences at some point. It's hardly ever smooth sailing for anyone. But as long as you learn and come out of it intact, you're gonna be fine. These things build character no matter what happens. Just make sure you don't come out jaded and bitter on the other side, as easy as it may be. I kissed a girl last August and tried setting up dates after that but it never panned out. I didn't see her again until last Wednesday and we kissed more at the club, became facebook friends the day after and had talked about meeting up earlier this week. But then she also drops the fact that she is going steady with someone and kinda slaps me in the face with the truthfact that if she had been truly interested in me, she'd have called herself a long time ago. Sometime shit just happens and WE make it mean something more, usually negative, than it really does.

That makes zero sense to me. Is this normal? Kissing one person whilst dating somebody else?

I guess so, after being forever alone for 21 years the last year has been such a clusterfuck of a learning experience ranging from a girl who wanted to go to Paris with me for a few days only to find out she has a boyfriend she's never told about to this.

21? To me you're starting early! I am 28 and have never dated. Reading posts like yours and Minamu's makes me feel less inclined to want to try, to be honest. It just sounds like a confusing nightmare with no payoff. Plus I really do feel women will run when they discover I've reached nearly 30 and don't have a clue what I am doing.

And if that's you in the avatar, then you look like Danny Dyer. He doesn't have any problems attracting the women!

 

[potam]

What's your take on this?

Met a girl on OKC. We talk for a couple of days then plan to meet up. We went to this cafe/desert/cocktail place, and ended up talking for 4 hours. We mention getting dinner sometime, and as we left she tells me to text her.

So today I text her just to say what's up. She responds once and I don't hear anything else.

I figure I'll chalk this one up as an L, but I'm wondering if there's even any point in waiting a couple of days and seeing about dinner.

 

[Deleted member 47027]

What's your take on this?

Met a girl on OKC. We talk for a couple of days then plan to meet up. We went to this cafe/desert/cocktail place, and ended up talking for 4 hours. We mention getting dinner sometime, and as we left she tells me to text her.

So today I text her just to say what's up. She responds once and I don't hear anything else.

I figure I'll chalk this one up as an L, but I'm wondering if there's even any point in waiting a couple of days and seeing about dinner.

Might be assuming too much but there could be others afoot. How long ago did you have your four hour talk?

 

[iAmMaximus]

So I met this girl who works at the study abroad office for my university. She answered a few questions I had about studying abroad but nothing much after that. I don't see this girl outside of school or in any of my classes--only in this office. Anyone have ideas on how to ask her out even though I don't know much about her? I might be seeing her this Tuesday as I have an appointment with a counselor in that office.

 

[Dilly]

21? To me you're starting early! I am 28 and have never dated. Reading posts like yours and Minamu's makes me feel less inclined to want to try, to be honest. It just sounds like a confusing nightmare with no payoff. Plus I really do feel women will run when they discover I've reached nearly 30 and don't have a clue what I am doing.

And if that's you in the avatar, then you look like Danny Dyer. He doesn't have any problems attracting the women!

Haha, I've though the same for quite a few times, but failing is a learning experience in itself so I just keep trying.

Yeah, the avatar is a picture of me.

 

[Minamu]

That makes zero sense to me. Is this normal? Kissing one person whilst dating somebody else?



21? To me you're starting early! I am 28 and have never dated. Reading posts like yours and Minamu's makes me feel less inclined to want to try, to be honest. It just sounds like a confusing nightmare with no payoff. Plus I really do feel women will run when they discover I've reached nearly 30 and don't have a clue what I am doing.

And if that's you in the avatar, then you look like Danny Dyer. He doesn't have any problems attracting the women!

Sweden have a very different definition of the word dating compared to the US. I haven't really been dating in the traditional US sense either and I'm your age as well. I've been on dates, but in the US, dating usually means you're exclusive, right? That's not really necessary here, and we don't really call it dating if you're exclusive. You're simply together. This girl I mentioned is single to the best of my knowledge, and the guy as well, so they are free to do whatever they want it seems. Granted, she didn't want sex and gave the guy as the reason, but "strula" or messing around with strangers while drunk is typically okay in the early stages of a relationship in some cases. Here, she has done nothing wrong to be honest and I have no reason to hold a grudge, so I don't I know a lot of the stories and incidents I mention are negative, but I don't like talking about the nice things that happen, feel like bragging no matter how small it is. So it's not only terrible experiences all around. You should definitely not give up man! Never! There are many payoffs to being social and meeting girls and people in general. Once you start being good at it, you'll probably grow to love it just like I have What areas in specific are you lacking in knowledge in since you think women will run? Sure, some will, maybe even literally, but fuck those people, they're obviously not for you. It means nothing and reflects nothing on you at all. Everyone is different, own it. I guarantee you that while many may not like the fact that you are inexperienced, that will always be just as many women out there who get excited at the idea of meeting a guy they can train themselves. I hear it so often, women hate it when they meet a guy who thinks he's the greatest god in bed for example, yet they only focus on themselves and make it a sucky experience for the woman. Being a blank canvas can be your absolutely greatest asset actually. You gotta change your outlook to a more positive one. You're not doomed, not at all.

 

[Moppet13]

Sorry I'm not exactly active in this community, but I'm pretty much lost here.

So I got invited to a bar last night and a bunch of my coworkers were there, me and this girl who just started working with us hit it off really well. After a long night of hanging out with people we plan on heading back to my place, which is great until she mentions she has a boyfriend, I didn't really care I wasn't expecting to get laid or anything. But when we got back to my place and I asked her about him she pretty much told me the relationship was dead, he cheated on her, and she kept trying to break up with him but he wants to work things out so it's just lingering. So we just slept together

Spoiler

not sex

. She messages me on facebook about how good of a time we had and we made plans to hang out Sunday (today I guess). She came back into work later that day a few hours after her shift to get my number so she could call me.

A few things, she legitimately doesn't have a phone, she lost it the other night when we were out and even if she had one she can't make calls on it because she doesn't have a provider. So she can only really contact me I guess. I also don't know what we should do tomorrow evening, I want to make another good impression but I have seriously no clue what to do. The other thing is her boyfriend, I feel this is all sorts of complicated and I'm about to get thrown into a big mess and end up being a scumbag for it. I wouldn't have bothered really if we hadn't made such a good connection the other night. One last thing, all the mixed signals I was getting from her about her boyfriend, she talked about how these guys at work keep trying to compete for her but they know she has a boyfriend and stuff, but when I asked her about her boyfriend she pretty much said the relationship was over?

I guess I just need some advice on all of this?

 

[Kevtones]

Sky Zone and BJs (the restaurant).



Going well

 

[Minamu]

Sorry I'm not exactly active in this community, but I'm pretty much lost here.

So I got invited to a bar last night and a bunch of my coworkers were there, me and this girl who just started working with us hit it off really well. After a long night of hanging out with people we plan on heading back to my place, which is great until she mentions she has a boyfriend, I didn't really care I wasn't expecting to get laid or anything. But when we got back to my place and I asked her about him she pretty much told me the relationship was dead, he cheated on her, and she kept trying to break up with him but he wants to work things out so it's just lingering. So we just slept together

Spoiler

not sex

. She messages me on facebook about how good of a time we had and we made plans to hang out Sunday (today I guess). She came back into work later that day a few hours after her shift to get my number so she could call me.

A few things, she legitimately doesn't have a phone, she lost it the other night when we were out and even if she had one she can't make calls on it because she doesn't have a provider. So she can only really contact me I guess. I also don't know what we should do tomorrow evening, I want to make another good impression but I have seriously no clue what to do. The other thing is her boyfriend, I feel this is all sorts of complicated and I'm about to get thrown into a big mess and end up being a scumbag for it. I wouldn't have bothered really if we hadn't made such a good connection the other night. One last thing, all the mixed signals I was getting from her about her boyfriend, she talked about how these guys at work keep trying to compete for her but they know she has a boyfriend and stuff, but when I asked her about her boyfriend she pretty much said the relationship was over?

I guess I just need some advice on all of this?

She used her boyfriend as a shield against pursuers that she isn't into. You were different If it bothers you that she isn't technically single, you should back off and try and tell her that she should fix that mess first, then get back to you. Work romances, and in this case most likely some kind of rebound fling maybe, is quite dangerous though. If you truly want to proceed (you don't really know her), proceed with caution.

 

[Deleted member 47027]

Sorry I'm not exactly active in this community, but I'm pretty much lost here.

So I got invited to a bar last night and a bunch of my coworkers were there, me and this girl who just started working with us hit it off really well. After a long night of hanging out with people we plan on heading back to my place, which is great until she mentions she has a boyfriend, I didn't really care I wasn't expecting to get laid or anything. But when we got back to my place and I asked her about him she pretty much told me the relationship was dead, he cheated on her, and she kept trying to break up with him but he wants to work things out so it's just lingering. So we just slept together

Spoiler

not sex

. She messages me on facebook about how good of a time we had and we made plans to hang out Sunday (today I guess). She came back into work later that day a few hours after her shift to get my number so she could call me.

A few things, she legitimately doesn't have a phone, she lost it the other night when we were out and even if she had one she can't make calls on it because she doesn't have a provider. So she can only really contact me I guess. I also don't know what we should do tomorrow evening, I want to make another good impression but I have seriously no clue what to do. The other thing is her boyfriend, I feel this is all sorts of complicated and I'm about to get thrown into a big mess and end up being a scumbag for it. I wouldn't have bothered really if we hadn't made such a good connection the other night. One last thing, all the mixed signals I was getting from her about her boyfriend, she talked about how these guys at work keep trying to compete for her but they know she has a boyfriend and stuff, but when I asked her about her boyfriend she pretty much said the relationship was over?

I guess I just need some advice on all of this?

Be more patient. Wait until she breaks it off with her boyfriend. This could turn into a huge mess. Be patient and don't jump in there before she has her shit together.

 

[bigfunkychiken]

That makes zero sense to me. Is this normal? Kissing one person whilst dating somebody else?

No, it's a bit cheat-y in my opinion.

 

[Servbot24]

Sorry I'm not exactly active in this community, but I'm pretty much lost here.

So I got invited to a bar last night and a bunch of my coworkers were there, me and this girl who just started working with us hit it off really well. After a long night of hanging out with people we plan on heading back to my place, which is great until she mentions she has a boyfriend, I didn't really care I wasn't expecting to get laid or anything. But when we got back to my place and I asked her about him she pretty much told me the relationship was dead, he cheated on her, and she kept trying to break up with him but he wants to work things out so it's just lingering. So we just slept together

Spoiler

not sex

. She messages me on facebook about how good of a time we had and we made plans to hang out Sunday (today I guess). She came back into work later that day a few hours after her shift to get my number so she could call me.

A few things, she legitimately doesn't have a phone, she lost it the other night when we were out and even if she had one she can't make calls on it because she doesn't have a provider. So she can only really contact me I guess. I also don't know what we should do tomorrow evening, I want to make another good impression but I have seriously no clue what to do. The other thing is her boyfriend, I feel this is all sorts of complicated and I'm about to get thrown into a big mess and end up being a scumbag for it. I wouldn't have bothered really if we hadn't made such a good connection the other night. One last thing, all the mixed signals I was getting from her about her boyfriend, she talked about how these guys at work keep trying to compete for her but they know she has a boyfriend and stuff, but when I asked her about her boyfriend she pretty much said the relationship was over?

I guess I just need some advice on all of this?

Go ahead and hang out with her as scheduled, but if it seems that things will go places for you two you need to tell her that you can't continue until she completely cuts it off with her bf. That needs to happen for the sake of all 3 of you.

 

[giga]

She slept (in the most literal sense) with you while still having a bf? That's a red flag.

 

[TheExodu5]

What's your take on this?

Met a girl on OKC. We talk for a couple of days then plan to meet up. We went to this cafe/desert/cocktail place, and ended up talking for 4 hours. We mention getting dinner sometime, and as we left she tells me to text her.

So today I text her just to say what's up. She responds once and I don't hear anything else.

I figure I'll chalk this one up as an L, but I'm wondering if there's even any point in waiting a couple of days and seeing about dinner.

See this kind of happened to me. Two dates, both about 4-5 hours long, and I figured well things must be going well. It's easy to talk a lot if you're good a good listener and good at making conversation. That doesn't really imply that there's a strong connection there, though. How flirty was she? Was there a lot of playful banter? Or was the conversation just "nice".

You might as well follow up and ask her out again, but don't go in with any expectations.

 

[Servbot24]

What's your take on this?

Met a girl on OKC. We talk for a couple of days then plan to meet up. We went to this cafe/desert/cocktail place, and ended up talking for 4 hours. We mention getting dinner sometime, and as we left she tells me to text her.

So today I text her just to say what's up. She responds once and I don't hear anything else.

I figure I'll chalk this one up as an L, but I'm wondering if there's even any point in waiting a couple of days and seeing about dinner.

This happens all the time. The thing about dating on OKCupid, is that every girl will have about 100 new messages waiting for her when she gets home from your first date. So you might have to get used to mysterious disappearances like that. Doesn't hurt to text her again in a couple days but don't expect anything of it.

 

[Tawpgun]

December = Christmas
January = Anniversary
February = Valentines Day
March = Her birthday

RIP my wallet.

 

[potam]

See this kind of happened to me. Two dates, both about 4-5 hours long, and I figured well things must be going well. It's easy to talk a lot if you're good a good listener and good at making conversation. That doesn't really imply that there's a strong connection there, though. How flirty was she? Was there a lot of playful banter? Or was the conversation just "nice".

You might as well follow up and ask her out again, but don't go in with any expectations.

Eh, I'd say she was flirty, but at this point I'll admit I know nothing about women. I mean, I figure she had plenty of chances to think of an excuse to leave if she hadn't been enjoying herself.

Two things though really confuse me: she kept going on and on about how she couldn't stand the fake southern hospitality culture (she's German) and how she was always honest with people to the point of being rude, so I assumed she would have made it clear if she wasn't having a good time. And, like I mentioned in the other post, as we were saying our goodbyes in the parking lot, we talked about getting dinner, and she told me to text her.

I figure I'll give it another day or so before I ask her out again...but yeah, not gonna keep up any expectations of seeing her again.

This happens all the time. The thing about dating on OKCupid, is that every girl will have about 100 new messages waiting for her when she gets home from your first date. So you might have to get used to mysterious disappearances like that. Doesn't hurt to text her again in a couple days but don't expect anything of it.

Yeah, I know what you mean. It just sucks getting in the game so late. My first (and only) serious relationship was with my ex-wife, and there were no games involved. We both liked each other, made it clear to one another, and communicated as best we could right from the get go. I guess these 'disposable' dates will just take some more time getting used to.

 

[Kyne]

Sorry I'm not exactly active in this community, but I'm pretty much lost here.

So I got invited to a bar last night and a bunch of my coworkers were there, me and this girl who just started working with us hit it off really well. After a long night of hanging out with people we plan on heading back to my place, which is great until she mentions she has a boyfriend, I didn't really care I wasn't expecting to get laid or anything. But when we got back to my place and I asked her about him she pretty much told me the relationship was dead, he cheated on her, and she kept trying to break up with him but he wants to work things out so it's just lingering. So we just slept together

Spoiler

not sex

. She messages me on facebook about how good of a time we had and we made plans to hang out Sunday (today I guess). She came back into work later that day a few hours after her shift to get my number so she could call me.

A few things, she legitimately doesn't have a phone, she lost it the other night when we were out and even if she had one she can't make calls on it because she doesn't have a provider. So she can only really contact me I guess. I also don't know what we should do tomorrow evening, I want to make another good impression but I have seriously no clue what to do. The other thing is her boyfriend, I feel this is all sorts of complicated and I'm about to get thrown into a big mess and end up being a scumbag for it. I wouldn't have bothered really if we hadn't made such a good connection the other night. One last thing, all the mixed signals I was getting from her about her boyfriend, she talked about how these guys at work keep trying to compete for her but they know she has a boyfriend and stuff, but when I asked her about her boyfriend she pretty much said the relationship was over?

I guess I just need some advice on all of this?

first off, you should never really shit where you eat. That said, if you HAVE to at least make sure it it's somewhat sterile beforehand.

She slept (in the most literal sense) with you while still having a bf? That's a red flag.

o_o.. this small post sort of opened my eyes. I'm kind of in the same boat but the girl I've been 'sleeping' with I've really had no romantic feelings for.. does that make it any better?

 

[Servbot24]

Yeah, I know what you mean. It just sucks getting in the game so late. My first (and only) serious relationship was with my ex-wife, and there were no games involved. We both liked each other, made it clear to one another, and communicated as best we could right from the get go. I guess these 'disposable' dates will just take some more time getting used to.

I think it's best to treat OKCupid as a side thing and not take it too seriously. If it's your main source for meeting people you might get a bit frustrated. If you do happen to meet someone special there, awesome, but in general I think it might be easier to meet people irl.

 

[Deleted member 10571]

And that's it, dumped, back with ForeveraloneGAF. Don't really feel to share the story, let's just say I was acting like an idiot and wasn't able to fix it, on top of a relationship that started by chance.

Damn, I forgot how bad it feels :/ At least we're able to be friends, even if I still love her and she, well, says she doesn't.