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[giga]

first off, you should never really shit where you eat. That said, if you HAVE to at least make sure it it's somewhat sterile beforehand.



o_o.. this small post sort of opened my eyes. I'm kind of in the same boat but the girl I've been 'sleeping' with I've really had no romantic feelings for.. does that make it any better?

Do either of you have a SO? I wouldn't let that shit fly. There are boundaries and that crosses it, regardless of feelings.

And that's it, dumped, back with ForeveraloneGAF. Don't really feel to share the story, let's just say I was acting like an idiot and wasn't able to fix it, on top of a relationship that started by chance.

Damn, I forgot how bad it feels :/ At least we're able to be friends, even if I still love her and she, well, says she doesn't.

Sorry dude. Welcome to the club--we have wine. Just know it gets better.

If you're still in love with her, don't be friends right away. You need space and time to heal.

 

[potam]

I think it's best to treat OKCupid as a side thing and not take it too seriously. If it's your main source for meeting people you might get a bit frustrated. If you do happen to meet someone special there, awesome, but in general I think it might be easier to meet people irl.

I suck at meeting people in real life That's not to say I'm putting all my eggs into the OKC basket, though. I mainly just browse it when I'm stuck at work overnight and send out a bunch of dumb messages to see if any stick.

I guess my frustration/confusion is increased since pretty much the same thing happened with the last girl I talked about in here.

 

[Servbot24]

And that's it, dumped, back with ForeveraloneGAF. Don't really feel to share the story, let's just say I was acting like an idiot and wasn't able to fix it, on top of a relationship that started by chance.

Damn, I forgot how bad it feels :/ At least we're able to be friends, even if I still love her and she, well, says she doesn't.

I'm somewhat in the same boat. Ex wants to be friends still, and I do too, but I'm still in love with her. Just make sure you get all the time and space you need before hanging out with her again, it can be painful otherwise.

In the meantime welcome to the land of having extra money in your wallet and extra time to pursue your hobbies.

 

[Deleted member 10571]

If you're still in love with her, don't be friends right away. You need space and time to heal.

Kinda hard, since we see each other every day, but I guess I'll manage - I've gotten quite good in hiding emotions >.<

The 'good' thing, so to say, is that she's not in for a relationship in general at the moment (if what she said is true, which I actually do believe), but she told me she wanted to get me know again, this time with more time and space, and not as instant as it was when our thing started. Which kinda gives me at least a little hope that I'll get another chance in the future.

Dunno man. Sorry for my inconsistent writing, I'm kinda done right now :/

 

[giga]

Kinda hard, since we see each other every day, but I guess I'll manage - I've gotten quite good in hiding emotions >.<

The 'good' thing, so to say, is that she's not in for a relationship in general at the moment (if what she said is true, which I actually do believe), but she told me she wanted to get me know again, this time with more time and space, and not as instant as it was when our thing started. Which kinda gives me at least a little hope that I'll get another chance in the future.

Dunno man. Sorry for my inconsistent writing, I'm kinda done right now :/

No man. I've been down this EXACT road. We broke up. She said she needs time and space to be single again. Said she wasn't going to start a relationship again. I believe her--we stay friends.

Turns out she starts seeing her ex again. It crushed me. I was clinging to the hope of getting back together in a few months or so. You have that same or similar expectation that I had. I'm telling you man--it doesn't end well.

Limit contact as much as possible.

 

[Deleted member 10571]

In the meantime welcome to the land of having extra money in your wallet and extra time to pursue your hobbies.

yes, that I actually can look forward to

No man. I've been down this EXACT road. We broke up. She said she needs time and space to be single again. Said she wasn't going to start a relationship again. I believe her--we stay friends.

Turns out she starts seeing her ex again. It crushed me. I was clinging to the hope of getting back together in a few months or so. You have that same or similar expectation that I had. I'm telling you man--it doesn't end well.

Limit contact as much as possible.

I know it might sound stupid, but I'm a 100% sure she actually was honest with me regarding that, but yeah, I surely won't be too optimistic about all that.

 

[potam]

Kinda hard, since we see each other every day, but I guess I'll manage - I've gotten quite good in hiding emotions >.<

The 'good' thing, so to say, is that she's not in for a relationship in general at the moment (if what she said is true, which I actually do believe), but she told me she wanted to get me know again, this time with more time and space, and not as instant as it was when our thing started. Which kinda gives me at least a little hope that I'll get another chance in the future.

Dunno man. Sorry for my inconsistent writing, I'm kinda done right now :/

Don't do that. Hope is the biggest force which will work against your healing and recovery.

 

[Servbot24]

My ex strung me along for months saying I might have a chance. It was brutal, and in the end pointless. I wouldn't even think about it. If she comes back to you it will be her prerogative, but try your best not to get hung up on that happening.

 

[WalkMan]

What's your take on this?

Met a girl on OKC. We talk for a couple of days then plan to meet up. We went to this cafe/desert/cocktail place, and ended up talking for 4 hours. We mention getting dinner sometime, and as we left she tells me to text her.

So today I text her just to say what's up. She responds once and I don't hear anything else.

I figure I'll chalk this one up as an L, but I'm wondering if there's even any point in waiting a couple of days and seeing about dinner.

That's how OKC is, no matter how well a date goes, it's a numbers game. From the girl's perspective they're able to line up multiple dates a week. So you as a guy have to set hard plans for a followup date

 

[GutsOfThor]

Welp had my first date in a long while on Friday and while I'm glad I got myself out there, the date itself went pretty fucking bad. Met for about an hour with lots of long awkward silences.I was so nervous my hands were shaking and I kept stumbling over my words and mumbling instead of speaking clear. The woman herself was very nice but very "artsy" and within 20 minutes of meeting she wanted to know if I wanted to go do shrooms with her and her friends in the mountains. I don't do any drugs so I declined. At the end of the date we went to her car where she showed me some paintings she did. I asked if she wanted to meet again and she said yes so the day after I sent her a message over Tinder telling her I had a good time and when she was free to meet again. That was 24 hours ago so I'll go ahead and take this as a loss.

I have a shitload of work to do when it comes to dealing with womem..... Eeesssshh

 

[Deleted member 10571]

My ex strung me along for months saying I might have a chance. It was brutal, and in the end pointless. I wouldn't even think about it. If she comes back to you it will be her prerogative, but try your best not to get hung up on that happening.

I'll try that, but it's just so fucking hard -.-

 

[potam]

Welp had my first date in a long while on Friday and while I'm glad I got myself out there, the date itself went pretty fucking bad. Met for about an hour with lots of long awkward silences.I was so nervous my hands were shaking and I kept stumbling over my words and mumbling instead of speaking clear. The woman herself was very nice but very "artsy" and within 20 minutes of meeting she wanted to know if I wanted to go do shrooms with her and her friends in the mountains. I don't do any drugs so I declined. At the end of the date we went to her car where she showed me some paintings she did. I asked if she wanted to meet again and she said yes so the day after I sent her a message over Tinder telling her I had a good time and when she was free to meet again. That was 24 hours ago so I'll go ahead and take this as a loss.

I have a shitload of work to do when it comes to dealing with womem..... Eeesssshh

Yeah, first step: if a girl offers you drugs and a trip to the mountains, accept.

 

[giga]

I'll try that, but it's just so fucking hard -.-

I know dude. Cutting contact with a person you're in love with and shared your life with? Hard as fuck. But it's absolutely necessary to heal and move on. You'll get through this. Be with family and friends as much as you can. When you're alone at night, distract your brain with TV, movies, or non-romantic music. I personally put on some podcasts and let their words drown out my head until I fall asleep.

 

[DMB4237]

I had the weirdest date yesterday. I invited a girl to go skating at the canal that they convert into an ice rink every winter. This was our second date after what I thought was a very successful first one (aside from losing my wallet at the end, but that's a different story).

This was her first time ice skating ever, so I thought that was a plus. She ended up hating it because she couldn't get her balance right at all. It did start to hurt her feet so I told her she could take them off if she wanted to.

Although, she was really sweet (and incredibly cute) throughout the whole process while trying her hardest to learn how to skate. I kept my skates on and we ended just going down the canal. I was skating slowly and she was walking beside me. At this point, we are close together and holding hands (I tell her that she should hold my hand or I could fall lol) We talk and talk and talk.

After that, I take her farther down the canal to a little nice restaurant where we order some hot chocolate because neither of us is really hungry, and talk for an hour there. She then suggests walking down the rest of the canal because she's curious of what we'll find.

We end up walking for another hour down the canal the majority of the time holding hands (It was also getting really cold so actually holding hands was not the dumbest idea.) We are, of course, talking the whole time.

We suddenly get to the frozen lake connected to the canal and are hit by a gnarly snowstorm. We are freezing at this point. Luckily, our university is next to the lake so we head there. At some point while traversing the parking lot of our university, she calls me an "impressive guy" because of the unique and strange date we've just had. I sarcastically respond with something along the lines "Yeah I usually try to freeze my dates to death". I should've just told her my feelings for her there but I didn't.

We take the train from there, and she plans on getting off at her stop. At this point, I'm inwardly kicking myself for not using the opportunity I had to tell her or show her that, not only did I have a lot of fun, but I was very charmed by her.

After we say our goodbyes and she gets off, I am incredibly annoyed at myself. But then! She texts me saying she had my gloves in her purse (I decided not to wear them because they were too bulky and she offered to hold them in her purse for me). I immediately respond that I'm taking the train back.

I arrive at the train station where she is waiting for me, and I get off to see her. She tells me to quickly get back on the train, but I told her it's fine and I'll catch the next one. At this point, she obviously knows what I'm gonna do (I held her hand for most of the day for Christ's sake). I tell her I really liked her and wanted to know what she thought of me.

She says she likes me.... as a friend. Inwardly, I feel dejected but tell her that it's fine and that it was worth a shot. It's an incredibly huge shame because of how comfortable I felt talking to her in the five hours I spent with her. In spite of the harsh snowstorm and her unpleasant experience skating, I really think we both had a good time.

I was a little indifferent before our first date, but by the end I was smitten. This one's gonna be a hard one to get over, but I feel like I learned a lot about myself if that's any consolation. Still, the feeling right now kinda sucks. Anyone have any advice or have a similar story?

 

[bigfunkychiken]

ice skating, etc

Others may disagree, but I'd advise to continue to be friends with her. Hang out with her a lot and flirt, etc, but don't let your feelings for her define your relationship. As you continue to grow closer as friends, I'd say there is a good chance that she'll begin to notice you as something more.

And, if her feelings don't change after a while, either stay just friends with her (if you can get over her) or break off the friendship if you need space.

 

[TheExodu5]

Others may disagree, but I'd advise to continue to be friends with her. Hang out with her a lot and flirt, etc, but don't let your feelings for her define your relationship. As you continue to grow closer as friends, I'd say there is a good chance that she'll begin to notice you as something more.

And, if her feelings don't change after a while, either stay just friends with her (if you can get over her) or break off the friendship if you need space.

Yeah I think I'm going to have to disagree there.

I say if you'd like to be friends with her, that's fine. But don't go in expecting anything more.

Anyways had my first little snaffu with the girlfriend. I was hosting a board game night with friends last night and I asked her earlier this week what she was doing Saturday night. She said she was celebrating her grandfather's birthday, and I told her I was hosting the game's night. Anyways, I guess I assumed she was busy all evening when in fact it was just a dinner thing, so I never explicitly invited her. She told me today that she was kind of pissed that I didn't invite her. I feel kind of terrible about the whole thing because it was a bit of a miscommunication, but I'll go over and apologize to her in person tonight. The last thing I want is to make her think that I don't want her to meet my friends. I'm kind of glad that something like this did come out though, as I'm glad that she was completely upfront about how she felt instead of bottling up.

We haven't really had the relationship talk yet, so I think it's time we discuss it and make it official.

 

[beat]

Yeah I think I'm going to have to disagree there.

I say if you'd like to be friends with her, that's fine. But don't go in expecting anything more.

There's a Harmontown (podcast) where one of the audience members wrote in a question about "being friendzoned" or something. It's a pretty good segment , but the part that has always stayed with me is this: Erin (Harmon's girlfriend and acting as co-host) asked if the questioner wanted to at least say how old they were, but no takers, so Dan said "of course not, he's here with his 'friend'. [...] He's three years into a nine year jackpot! He's not gonna fuck it up for [our show]" (paraphrased)

Anyways, yeah, everything TheExodu5 said. Be friends if you want, but don't be friends cause you think it'll lead to more.

 

[NeOak]

Others may disagree, but I'd advise to continue to be friends with her. Hang out with her a lot and flirt, etc, but don't let your feelings for her define your relationship. As you continue to grow closer as friends, I'd say there is a good chance that she'll begin to notice you as something more.

And, if her feelings don't change after a while, either stay just friends with her (if you can get over her) or break off the friendship if you need space.

This is torturing yourself unless you can just be friends without wanting the rest. If you can be her friend, like her but also look around for other girls to date, that's fine. Otherwise, you'll end up with the dreadful one-itis.

 

[Servbot24]

Others may disagree, but I'd advise to continue to be friends with her. Hang out with her a lot and flirt, etc, but don't let your feelings for her define your relationship. As you continue to grow closer as friends, I'd say there is a good chance that she'll begin to notice you as something more.

And, if her feelings don't change after a while, either stay just friends with her (if you can get over her) or break off the friendship if you need space.

She already knows what he's like when he's being nice to her. All that's going to do is make the break up easier on her while she looks for someone else. Separation is best because at least there's a chance she'll regret letting him go when he's gone. And if she doesn't, then it was never meant to be anyways.

 

[bigfunkychiken]

She already knows what he's like when he's being nice to her. All that's going to do is make the break up easier on her while she looks for someone else. Separation is best because at least there's a chance she'll regret letting him go when he's gone. And if she doesn't, then it was never meant to be anyways.

Good point. This once happened with a girl I was friends with who didn't feel the same way I did... so I cut her off and, a while later, we're dating.

 

[Moppet13]

first off, you should never really shit where you eat. That said, if you HAVE to at least make sure it it's somewhat sterile beforehand.



o_o.. this small post sort of opened my eyes. I'm kind of in the same boat but the girl I've been 'sleeping' with I've really had no romantic feelings for.. does that make it any better?

Well, she works in a different area than I do, but that being said she controls my food at work at times.

 

[ericexpo]

I haven't meet anybody new in a while so decided to do the tinder thing, have a date with a girl later this week. first date in awhile. she seems pretty and into me.
Kinda wanted to get over a girl i had a crush on and wanted to throw myself into the deep end fast.

 

[MogCakes]

The woman I'm talking to laughs at my jokes, bad analogies, we can make conversation easily, and I'm going to work out with her/study with her weekdays starting tomorrow night. I'm assuming she's giving me a chance. Is it too early to be optimistic?

 

[Dice//]

The woman I'm talking to laughs at my jokes, bad analogies, we can make conversation easily, and I'm going to work out with her/study with her weekdays starting tomorrow night. I'm assuming she's giving me a chance. Is it too early to be optimistic?

What's the rush? Ride it out, enjoy, and play it by ear. So far, so good otherwise.

 

[Gamefreaks221]

So im with my ex girlfriend and a couple friends. This is weird since I still love her and feel quite sick to my stomach but don't want to make this awkward.

 

[zeemumu]

So im with my ex girlfriend and a couple friends. This is weird since I still love her and feel quite sick to my stomach but don't want to make this awkward.

Damn, I'm sorry you have to sit through that. Good on you for being adult about it and not flipping out even though it's awkward.

 

[Gamefreaks221]

Damn, I'm sorry you have to sit through that. Good on you for being adult about it and not flipping out even though it's awkward.

Well I made the decision to come out. She invited a friend I was hanging out and me to come. I wanted to see her and im glad to see her but I want to try and fix this. Only issue is I still know its to soon.

Scratch that one beer in and couldn't hold it anymore. Empty stomach now. Feels a little better now.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

Yeah... it's not gonna work out. We pretty much have nothing in common.

But she was pretty pleasant about it over text.

 

[Kyne]

Do either of you have a SO? I wouldn't let that shit fly. There are boundaries and that crosses it, regardless of feelings.

I do not... she does. I guess I'm aware of those boundaries to a certain extent. Like, I know why no guy would ever be comfortable with their SO sleeping with another man, but I can tell you that I would never actually give in to any of those reasons he would be thinking of. We've been good friends for a while and though I think she thought of me at one point 'in that way' I'm sure that those feelings aren't floating around in her head anymore.

Spoiler

.. or I'm wrong and she's actually waiting for me to make some kind of move and ruin her current relationship which she actually isn't even that into to begin with. <.<; (those are her words, not mine)

but anyways, I've been cheated on before. I would never be 'that guy' in someone else's relationship so it's whatever.

Well, she works in a different area than I do, but that being said she controls my food at work at times.

fuck, it was just a metaphor. This person actually has ACCESS to your food? Do NOT piss her off.

 

[Minamu]

Yeah... it's not gonna work out. We pretty much have nothing in common.

But she was pretty pleasant about it over text.

What happened?

 

[Gamefreaks221]

Its funny. She told my friend that she was glad we came and it wasn't as awkward as she thought it would be. But me and him know better. Hes knows what it was doing to me. I had to struggle to maintain composure. But I just feel like I can win her back in time and I want to power through this. He even had me pull the car over and I ended up crying again. But it was just so nice to see her. I even payed for the drinks, had to get up and intercept the waiter to do it. She never would have let me if she knew.

Ugh.

 

[bigfunkychiken]

Its funny. She told my friend that she was glad we came and it wasn't as awkward as she thought it would be. But me and him know better. Hes knows what it was doing to me. I had to struggle to maintain composure. But I just feel like I can win her back in time and I want to power through this. He even had me pull the car over and I ended up crying again. But it was just so nice to see her. I even payed for the drinks, had to get up and intercept the waiter to do it. She never would have let me if she knew.

Ugh.

You should probably space yourself from your ex for a while.

 

[Gamefreaks221]

You should probably space yourself from your ex for a while.

You are probably right and I almost didn't go out for that very reason. He left it up to me to decide. I guess I just wanted to believe it would help to go tonight.

Hopefully goin out tomorrow with a couple friends might be able to meet some new people to get my mind off it.

 

[Tsukumo]

Kinda hard, since we see each other every day, but I guess I'll manage - I've gotten quite good in hiding emotions >.<

The 'good' thing, so to say, is that she's not in for a relationship in general at the moment (if what she said is true, which I actually do believe), but she told me she wanted to get me know again, this time with more time and space, and not as instant as it was when our thing started. Which kinda gives me at least a little hope that I'll get another chance in the future.

Dunno man. Sorry for my inconsistent writing, I'm kinda done right now :/

I wasn't going to say anything, but since I'm not the only one playing devil's advocate I'll sing along with the choir: she is leading you on, probably already seeing someone else. She's TOO diplomatic: something's up.

I'm really not doing any repertoire or routine, I go without any thinking about it and talk about random shit, like commented on noone dancing (welcome to my country), my friends, her friend, her boyfriend(called her out) few more things. That's a specific situation, I don't know, others are ok, few days ago was with this girl and had no problems, it was during the day at coffee place so easier to talk. I just need to approach more and problem will solve itself, I'm just being me and over thinking things and trying to improve too fast.
I'm not from USA, the playing field here is much much different. And I use pua terms because it's easier when talking about these things, in real life never.

I don't know where you live but "welcome to my country" is a great way to strike a conversation: I live in Italy (in Rome) and this works like gold on tourists. It's also friendly enough that guys in the group won't feel threatened by your approach.
As for clubs, if what you are doing isn't relevant to what you are saying, then the problem is in how you are saying it (body language) which you usually gets resolved once you get a couple of silver bullets on posture, looks and energy. For example, one thing that I consider almost lethal is walking up to girls with a drink in your hands, like you would do to a house party. Looks defensive. Then again, last time I was in a club was, give or take, was 15 years ago XD.
Anyway if you could be a bit more specific it will be easier to know where's the issue. Since this happens when you approach, the main problem is that girls can't figure you out in any way (they can't, let's say, type-cast you and don't know what to expect) so it's a very trivial issue that once changed will net you better results real fast.

 

[Septimius]

Kinda hard, since we see each other every day, but I guess I'll manage - I've gotten quite good in hiding emotions >.<

The 'good' thing, so to say, is that she's not in for a relationship in general at the moment (if what she said is true, which I actually do believe), but she told me she wanted to get me know again, this time with more time and space, and not as instant as it was when our thing started. Which kinda gives me at least a little hope that I'll get another chance in the future.

Dunno man. Sorry for my inconsistent writing, I'm kinda done right now :/

Gonna have to chime in here and say that what her intentions are is irrelevant. She might actually mean what she says, but at the end of the day, even if she does, it doesn't help you. You can't put your life on hold for the possibility of a chance down the road. "But why not if I really like her? She could be worth it" - yes, but you wouldn't be proper boyfriend material if you did stay around. She'd have all the balance, and you'd be an anxious wreck, catering to most of her needs, and in the end, not being the awesome boyfriend I'm sure you really are.

You need distance; you need to heal and to find your own balance. When you have that, you can consider dating again. If you throw yourself into it before you're comfortable with yourself, you'll just end up hurting yourself, again.

This is from a guy that's been single for three months, was "properly out on the town" for the first time this weekend, had a lot of interest from various girls, but even with being able to be charming and someone girls try to get closer to, I'm still not ready to go down that road. I am starting to feel an inner balance, again, though, and I do feel I'm appraching being ready for that sooner than I though. But it's not yet. And I know that's only for the better.

So, distance yourself. I don't know what situation has you seeing her every day. If it's working together, distance yourself as much as possible. Be professional. If it's by choice that you see her every day; stop. Yeah, it's a bit lonely, but so what? There's a thousand awesome things to do in this world. Just look at me, I can finally FADC

 

[Idde]

Skating

That sucks man. And I've been there. As others have said, if you think you can be friends with her, without pining for her as more then friends, go for it. Usually it's REALLY hard to make that switch though. If you can't, cut all contact, even if that seems like a really counterintuitive thing to do. Why would you stop spending time with someone you had a good time with? Well, because otherwise you'll go nuts.

Others may disagree, but I'd advise to continue to be friends with her. Hang out with her a lot and flirt, etc, but don't let your feelings for her define your relationship. As you continue to grow closer as friends, I'd say there is a good chance that she'll begin to notice you as something more.

And, if her feelings don't change after a while, either stay just friends with her (if you can get over her) or break off the friendship if you need space.

I'd say he's better off spending his time looking for somebody who immediately likes him. Or on stuff that he likes doing/self improvement. Life is short, don't spend it in the friendzone. As a friend? Cool. In the friendzone? Not cool.

Welp had my first date in a long while on Friday and while I'm glad I got myself out there, the date itself went pretty fucking bad. Met for about an hour with lots of long awkward silences.I was so nervous my hands were shaking and I kept stumbling over my words and mumbling instead of speaking clear. The woman herself was very nice but very "artsy" and within 20 minutes of meeting she wanted to know if I wanted to go do shrooms with her and her friends in the mountains. I don't do any drugs so I declined. At the end of the date we went to her car where she showed me some paintings she did. I asked if she wanted to meet again and she said yes so the day after I sent her a message over Tinder telling her I had a good time and when she was free to meet again. That was 24 hours ago so I'll go ahead and take this as a loss.

I have a shitload of work to do when it comes to dealing with womem..... Eeesssshh

Ouch, that sounds pretty tough man But I'll give you this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ECUtkv2qV8

And on that note: how long ago was it since you first posted here? How long did it take you to get a date? The next time will probably be easier to set up, your hands will likely only be trembling half of the time, and the awkward silences won't come as often

On my end, I strike up a conversation with a girl on my dating site. Pretty cute, glasses. We have a really cool conversation for half an hour. Talking about some serious stuff, some funny stuff, holidays, things women are lousy at (reading maps), things guys are lousy at (everything else). I tell her I crashed an uninsured car once. She asked what happened, I say it's a story best told in person. With lots of drama and wild gestures. We continue talking, get to the subject of horsebackriding in South Africa, she did that as well. I say that had me sacred shitless, because I had to catch a runaway horse someday. Pretty cool story, but again, best told in person. With dramatic gestures. So she said she'd love to hear them both.

After half an hour I have to head to work. The talk was pretty cool, so I ask her if she wants to get a drink sometime. She says she'd love to, but there's just one small thing. She doesn't live in Holland right now. But in Dublin. I really have to get to work, so I can't ask her much more. But REALLY? The information on people has a distance bar, and hers says she lives five kilometers away. My math might be off, but afaik Dublin is more then five k away from Amsterdam. And if you live in Ireland, what are you doing on a Dutch dating site? And if you live in Dublin, you have no business being cool enough to ask out on a date here in Holland! FML

Anyway, I'll ask whats up later, and in the mean time see if the new girl at salsa is still interesting the second time.

 

[electricshake]

I wasn't going to say anything, but since I'm not the only one playing devil's advocate I'll sing along with the choir: she is leading you on, probably already seeing someone else. She's TOO diplomatic: something's up.



I don't know where you live but "welcome to my country" is a great way to strike a conversation: I live in Italy (in Rome) and this works like gold on tourists. It's also friendly enough that guys in the group won't feel threatened by your approach.
As for clubs, if what you are doing isn't relevant to what you are saying, then the problem is in how you are saying it (body language) which you usually gets resolved once you get a couple of silver bullets on posture, looks and energy. For example, one thing that I consider almost lethal is walking up to girls with a drink in your hands, like you would do to a house party. Looks defensive. Then again, last time I was in a club was, give or take, was 15 years ago XD.
Anyway if you could be a bit more specific it will be easier to know where's the issue. Since this happens when you approach, the main problem is that girls can't figure you out in any way (they can't, let's say, type-cast you and don't know what to expect) so it's a very trivial issue that once changed will net you better results real fast.

Wat. Care to explain?

 

[E-phonk]

She already knows what he's like when he's being nice to her. All that's going to do is make the break up easier on her while she looks for someone else. Separation is best because at least there's a chance she'll regret letting him go when he's gone. And if she doesn't, then it was never meant to be anyways.

This. I'd even suggest being aloof/distant when you do have conversations.

Life is short, don't spend it in the friendzone. As a friend? Cool. In the friendzone? Not cool.

If you already have a lot of friends, I wouldn't even bother. The friendzone doesn't exist, it's called rejection zone. Do you want to be in her rejection zone? It's filled with "friends" complimenting her, liking everything she does on social media, giving her validation and making her (not you) feel good.

 

[Deleted member 47027]

Yeah... it's not gonna work out. We pretty much have nothing in common.

But she was pretty pleasant about it over text.

Not that you NEED a ton of common ground, but if it's not gonna happen, it's best to recognize that and keep away. Tomorrow's another day.

 

[Deleted member 10571]

Gonna have to chime in here and say that what her intentions are is irrelevant. She might actually mean what she says, but at the end of the day, even if she does, it doesn't help you. You can't put your life on hold for the possibility of a chance down the road. "But why not if I really like her? She could be worth it" - yes, but you wouldn't be proper boyfriend material if you did stay around. She'd have all the balance, and you'd be an anxious wreck, catering to most of her needs, and in the end, not being the awesome boyfriend I'm sure you really are.

You need distance; you need to heal and to find your own balance. When you have that, you can consider dating again. If you throw yourself into it before you're comfortable with yourself, you'll just end up hurting yourself, again.

This is from a guy that's been single for three months, was "properly out on the town" for the first time this weekend, had a lot of interest from various girls, but even with being able to be charming and someone girls try to get closer to, I'm still not ready to go down that road. I am starting to feel an inner balance, again, though, and I do feel I'm appraching being ready for that sooner than I though. But it's not yet. And I know that's only for the better.

So, distance yourself. I don't know what situation has you seeing her every day. If it's working together, distance yourself as much as possible. Be professional. If it's by choice that you see her every day; stop. Yeah, it's a bit lonely, but so what? There's a thousand awesome things to do in this world. Just look at me, I can finally FADC

Thanks a bunch, I'll try to keep all of this in mind (also what others said, of course).

 

[DMB4237]

I gotta thank everyone here for their advice. I am certainly not gonna put any hope for a future with this girl. I've been burned way too many times before, but getting over the feeling only right after realizing just how charming and interesting she really is just suuuuuucks.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

So, I think I screwed up.

So there was this girl who I had a crush on like three years ago. Rather short hair, the most beautiful eyes ever. Anyway, I had no confidence at all back then and was content to admire her from afar. Anyway, she must have noticed me liking her because we were at the same party for students once and she approached me (a bit awkwardly) and asked if I was going to the after party. We had pretty much never talked before so I'm pretty sure she did this as a way to give me a chance. Anyway, I was several orders of magnitude more pathetic back then than I am now (and I'm still pretty pathetic) so I pretty much bailed from the party because I didn't know how to deal with it. That of course fucked up my chances with her, and the few times I met her after that she was (understandably) very cold toward me. From what I have gathered afterwards she has a great personality to back up her looks, so that was one of my biggest screw-ups ever.

Anyway, fast forward to last week and she started at my workplace. She will be here until summer and I was prepared for a lot of awkwardness. Anyway, it seems like I don't have to deal with the awkwardness. She seems to have forgotten and forgiven and we have had some nice conversations. I don't want to go after someone at work and I assumed I would never have a chance with her again, so I planned to not try anything. I noticed her looking at me some time, but didn't think more about it.

Anyway, a new cute girl started today (she'll be here for a couple of months) and she is maybe a bit into me. I'm not sure, I'm terrible at this stuff but we seemed to hit it off quite well during lunch. But she's probably too young for me. Anyway, the first girl seemed to notice and she seemed somehow disappointed. She gave some pretty dirty looks today and barely wanted to look me in the eyes when I said goodbye to her when she was on her way home.

So, I guess she still likes me somewhat? Ugh, I don't know why I get crushes on girls I work with. It's just drama all round. And these girls have no business being interested in me. They are in altogether higher leagues than me, even if I'm a lot less pathetic now than I was some years ago. I hope this is all in my head. I don't have want to deal with shit like this at work.

 

[Deleted member 47027]

So, I think I screwed up.

So there was this girl who I had a crush on like three years ago. Rather short hair, the most beautiful eyes ever. Anyway, I had no confidence at all back then and was content to admire her from afar. Anyway, she must have noticed me liking her because we were at the same party for students once and she approached me (a bit awkwardly) and asked if I was going to the after party. We had pretty much never talked before so I'm pretty sure she did this as a way to give me a chance. Anyway, I was several orders of magnitude more pathetic back then than I am now (and I'm still pretty pathetic) so I pretty much bailed from the party because I didn't know how to deal with it. That of course fucked up my chances with her, and the few times I met her after that she was (understandably) very cold toward me. From what I have gathered afterwards she has a great personality to back up her looks, so that was one of my biggest screw-ups ever.

Anyway, fast forward to last week and she started at my workplace. She will be here until summer and I was prepared for a lot of awkwardness. Anyway, it seems like I don't have to deal with the awkwardness. She seems to have forgotten and forgiven and we have had some nice conversations. I don't want to go after someone at work and I assumed I would never have a chance with her again, so I planned to not try anything. I noticed her looking at me some time, but didn't think more about it.

Anyway, a new cute girl started today (she'll be here for a couple of months) and she is maybe a bit into me. I'm not sure, I'm terrible at this stuff but we seemed to hit it off quite well during lunch. But she's probably too young for me. Anyway, the first girl seemed to notice and she seemed somehow disappointed. She gave some pretty dirty looks today and barely wanted to look me in the eyes when I said goodbye to her when she was on her way home.

So, I guess she still likes me somewhat? Ugh, I don't know why I get crushes on girls I work with. It's just drama all round. And these girls have no business being interested in me

First, check that "oh I'm a shitty dude" shit at the door. That shit won't do you any good to ANYONE. Nobody likes hearing it, not them, not us, just dump that.

Done? Okay.

Talk to the first girl, clear the air. Make sure she knows you didn't have a grasp of how to talk to people before and see if she's cool. Ignore this second girl for now - clear things up with the first and see if you can make up for sounding like an idiot. AND DON'T CALL YOURSELF AN IDIOT. If you want to put yourself down, put down the actions, not the person behind it.

When you say this second girl is "probably too young" could you elaborate? Because that sounds like she's definitely too young.

 

[GutsOfThor]

Ouch, that sounds pretty tough man But I'll give you this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ECUtkv2qV8

And on that note: how long ago was it since you first posted here? How long did it take you to get a date? The next time will probably be easier to set up, your hands will likely only be trembling half of the time, and the awkward silences won't come as often

Thanks for the pick me up man! I first posted here in early December and got a date in about a month through Tinder. This was my first date in years so I expected it to go rough but looking back, I don't think it went as terrible as I made it out to be.

I'm drifting into "oneitis" territory with this girl though and am trying to prevent myself but it's so fucking hard. She was cute and we are both involved in the arts. I already asked her for a second date and haven't gotten a response and I know sending another message is out of the question but still... it's so hard!

 

[faridmon]

Its not about dating or relationship per say, but within the topic of socialising:

Is it weird to lose all your social skills when you haven't gone out for so long? Or was I just bad socialising?

The short story is that, I have spent 5 years in London when I was student, occasionally, going out and socialising and I have enjoyed it terrifically. Now that I came back to Birmingham, I have stopped going out entirely (not having friends to go out was partly the reason), However, I did met couple of people I am trying to be friend, except my fluidity in keeping a conversation is just lost.

Is that normal or is it just me? any further advice?

 

[Deleted member 47027]

Its not about dating or relationship per say, but within the topic of socialising:

Is it weird to lose all your social skills when you haven't gone out for so long? Or was I just bad socialising?

The short story is that, I have spent 5 years in London when I was student, occasionally, going out and socialising and I have enjoyed it terrifically. Now that I came back to Birmingham, I have stopped going out entirely (not having friends to go out was partly the reason), However, I did met couple of people I am trying to be friend, except my fluidity in keeping a conversation is just lost.

Is that normal or is it just me? any further advice?

It's probably the company you keep now They don't vanish or go bad when you're not using them. Be yo self.

 

[Pau]

Its not about dating or relationship per say, but within the topic of socialising:

Is it weird to lose all your social skills when you haven't gone out for so long? Or was I just bad socialising?

The short story is that, I have spent 5 years in London when I was student, occasionally, going out and socialising and I have enjoyed it terrifically. Now that I came back to Birmingham, I have stopped going out entirely (not having friends to go out was partly the reason), However, I did met couple of people I am trying to be friend, except my fluidity in keeping a conversation is just lost.

Is that normal or is it just me? any further advice?

My friend and I stayed cooped up in my house all summer once and we basically felt like we lost the ability to interact with strangers. You'll be fine, just keep at it.

 

[ZombieFred]

Well guys, I am single again and feel like shit she's upset and feels hurt (was together for three months). I couldn't commit much time than we was seeing each other and wanted to go a fair pace but she wanted more and I couldn't do that straight away so it is my fault but I couldn't sacrifice on what makes me happy with my life at the moment.

 

[I'm an expert]

a bunch of stuff

Dude, you're living in a fantasy land. You haven't once talked to any of these women about anything but small talk. But she must have liked me, now she hates me, but she looked at me, so she must love me, new girl likes me, so old girl is jealous, how can I be so awesome but terrible at the same time yadi bladi.

Literally nothing has happened. You're writing a fanfic in your head. Either talk to one of them with clearer intentions or just accept that women think you're an ok guy to talk to, which is fine too.

 

[TheExodu5]

Alright then, 2 weeks in and we're official. This moved a lot faster than I ever expected, but honestly, it felt like we were already there a week ago.