Mental Health |OT| Depression & Co.
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Just thought I would add in my experience with depression.
I have been diagnosed with a mild form of depression and it affected me the most in high school to the point where I had hurt myself physically and often thought seriously of suicide. My family was less than supportive, saying things like "stop being so mopey" and "You have nothing to be depressed about you are just being pathetic!" among other very hurtful comments/actions mainly to do with my weight and appearance.
Luckily once grade 12 came, my depression had receded enough to allow me to recognize the problem and seek help. Counselling and friends got me through some of the hardest times in my life, the depression will never go away and comes back every now and then, but luckily I now have a support system keeping me from falling back into the hole.
I just want to say to all of you, don't lose hope, there is always someone willing to help.
Depression and other mental illnesses are often treated with misunderstanding and ignorance, don't let those people drag you deeper into darkness.
I hope this helped.
I have been diagnosed with a mild form of depression and it affected me the most in high school to the point where I had hurt myself physically and often thought seriously of suicide. My family was less than supportive, saying things like "stop being so mopey" and "You have nothing to be depressed about you are just being pathetic!" among other very hurtful comments/actions mainly to do with my weight and appearance.
Luckily once grade 12 came, my depression had receded enough to allow me to recognize the problem and seek help. Counselling and friends got me through some of the hardest times in my life, the depression will never go away and comes back every now and then, but luckily I now have a support system keeping me from falling back into the hole.
I just want to say to all of you, don't lose hope, there is always someone willing to help.
Depression and other mental illnesses are often treated with misunderstanding and ignorance, don't let those people drag you deeper into darkness.
I hope this helped.
I'll wait until I get home tonight to read and give feedback on those songs, don't think I'm skipping you.
I've been wanting this tattoo for a little over a year or two so far but I'm not sure where I want to put it. I'm thinking about doing my calf since it can be hidden under pants when I'm working.
Edit: Fuck, I forgot about DONNIE DARKO. I watched this movie and it made so much sense to me because it's like I can feel what's he's going through during the whole movie (sans sleep walking and some others) and I felt like Frank was my Frank. Frank is another one that I would like to get along side the above image.
I've been wanting this tattoo for a little over a year or two so far but I'm not sure where I want to put it. I'm thinking about doing my calf since it can be hidden under pants when I'm working.
Edit: Fuck, I forgot about DONNIE DARKO. I watched this movie and it made so much sense to me because it's like I can feel what's he's going through during the whole movie (sans sleep walking and some others) and I felt like Frank was my Frank. Frank is another one that I would like to get along side the above image.
At the moment, I usually don't have somewhere that I have to be routinely. But I like to try and give myself small things to do outside the house, tends to make the day feel better knowing I got things done. There was one instance a while ago were it did stop me from doing something I actually had to do, so something has to change.
I very rarely eat before going anywhere. Which isn't too good, I know. But I can get pretty bad stomach aches if I do go out on a full stomach, due to all the anxiety. But having some kind of indulgent incentive may help with just the getting up part. Going to try experiment with that, and see if I can get a daily wake up routine going that works.
Appreciate it, thanks.
Shoulder/bicep would seem like good placement for me. I dunno, I'm just a big fan of arm tattoos though.
Looking over his last few posts, it looks like he provoked the head honcho himself. Doesn't look like a perma but it could be a while.
Tried to reach out to my Mom again about my depression, she brought up one of her co-workers and how he worries about his job security and supporting his family, then said I shouldn't worry so much and that I'm fortunate compared to most people. Thanks I guess that's all I needed to hear to help with dealing with this...
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
That comic is really good. I've felt like that for the last month or so and I think I just lost my best friend because of it.
I know it's frustrating but you should try not to take it out on her. It doesn't mean she doesn't care it's probably more of her not understanding what it's like. I feel like it's really hard for people to understand what depression is or what it's like without going through it themselves, it's probably one of the few things I feel that you have to experience for yourself. Even people who try to learn about it and help don't understand why certain things happen or why you feel certain things and it usually causes frustration. Maybe try to explain it to her again?
Tried to before, I just get the same "things could be worse, just deal with it." The few people I have tried to talk to about being depressed just tell me a variation of the same thing, or just say "that sucks." Thing is that my thoughts snowball; the close friends and family tell me that things could be worse, I start to ask myself why do I feel sad, stop feeling so sad, you're terrible because you're feeling sad for no apparent reason, such a waste, etcetera. I just end up in my room drowning in my thoughts, dealing with myself or sleeping the entire day. Sleep always seems to be my only reprieve.
Sucks...I know what I'm doing, but I can't help but get swept up in the tide or flood of sadness. I hate it.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Hey, I understand exactly where you're coming from and it's a loop I've been in myself. It's frustrating too because when people do care or try to help they still don't understand what it's like and so instead they treat you like an infant that the smallest thing not going your way will send you into this downward spiral so you're just some baby getting taken care of instead of a friend. I don't have any answers but it's a frustrating thing but I can completely understand where you're coming from and have experienced it myself. Hopefully one of us figures it out eventually.
Every time someone brings up the "others have it worse" argument, I think of this quote:
"Telling someone to stop feeling bad because others have it worse is like trying to tell someone to stop being happy because others have it better"
"Telling someone to stop feeling bad because others have it worse is like trying to tell someone to stop being happy because others have it better"
Captain AHat
Member
Hello, I'm a long time member of the 'depression & co' club. Over half my life now (diagnosed and medicated at least). Which, with me being 30, is quite a while.
However, my purpose in posting today is not to give you all my story, but to share an accidental discover that I have found helps quell my negative thought patterns and mind chatter amazingly well.
eye patching - my body, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to malfunction and my immune system decided that the optic nerve in my right eye offended it and attacked. As a result the centre of my vision in said eye is currently greyed out (for want of a better way of putting it). I found that using the eye normally gives me headaches and so I covered it while keeping it open so all it sees is black. This stopped the headaches and had a very strange but AMAZING side effect. My mind shuts up with its negative bullshit, I feel calmer, more chilled and generally happier than I can remember being in so very very long. It's AWESOME.
After this happened I googled, cos I very much doubted I would be the first person to have experienced this outcome to an eye patch, and low and behold I found information about it as a real working therapy method.
Apparently it's all to do with the fact of your brain having to communicate with itself more than usual as it is puzzled by the fact both eyes are open but it can only see out of one and thus is having to ask what it should be seeing (Or something like that). Which makes it too busy to wander off into negativeville and crazytown.
I don't know if I'm preaching to the choir here and you are all already aware of this, but I do recommend giving it a try if you have similar negative thought patterns. It has to be your right eye that you cover and you have to make sure it can remain open behind whatever you cover it with.
hope this helps some people.
TL;DR - Put an eye patch over your right eye, keep said eye open behind it, enjoy the possibility of less negative thought patterns and mind chatter.
However, my purpose in posting today is not to give you all my story, but to share an accidental discover that I have found helps quell my negative thought patterns and mind chatter amazingly well.
eye patching - my body, in its infinite wisdom, has decided to malfunction and my immune system decided that the optic nerve in my right eye offended it and attacked. As a result the centre of my vision in said eye is currently greyed out (for want of a better way of putting it). I found that using the eye normally gives me headaches and so I covered it while keeping it open so all it sees is black. This stopped the headaches and had a very strange but AMAZING side effect. My mind shuts up with its negative bullshit, I feel calmer, more chilled and generally happier than I can remember being in so very very long. It's AWESOME.
After this happened I googled, cos I very much doubted I would be the first person to have experienced this outcome to an eye patch, and low and behold I found information about it as a real working therapy method.
Apparently it's all to do with the fact of your brain having to communicate with itself more than usual as it is puzzled by the fact both eyes are open but it can only see out of one and thus is having to ask what it should be seeing (Or something like that). Which makes it too busy to wander off into negativeville and crazytown.
I don't know if I'm preaching to the choir here and you are all already aware of this, but I do recommend giving it a try if you have similar negative thought patterns. It has to be your right eye that you cover and you have to make sure it can remain open behind whatever you cover it with.
hope this helps some people.
TL;DR - Put an eye patch over your right eye, keep said eye open behind it, enjoy the possibility of less negative thought patterns and mind chatter.
Not to dismiss your (re)discovery but I'm invoking Occam's razor here. Are you sure that the less negativity isn't caused by having less headaches instead of "overworking" your brain. I mean I'm not medical expert, nor have I yet read-up on this eyepatching stuff, but I sure as hell know that headaches (which I tend to have a lot) are a killer for my mood.
ClassyP is sitting behind his banned account ripping his hair out reading that post.
I agree with Filler though - It may very likely be that less headaches = less depression. and more relaxation.
Same way that for me, more IBS = more anxiety.
I agree with Filler though - It may very likely be that less headaches = less depression. and more relaxation.
Same way that for me, more IBS = more anxiety.
Lionheart1827
Member
I'll have to remember that one!
Captain AHat
Member
Fair comment, and under normal circumstance I would no doubt agree with you. But as the headaches are a result of the faulty eye and I have only had that for 2 weeks out of 15 years of mental health issues, it's much easier to attribute the change in mood to the week of covering my right eye. It is equally difficult to say hit is a placebo effect as I only found out about eye patching being a 'thing' after I noticed a difference in my mental state, with and without the eye patch, and was searching for answers.
User 100115
Banned
Hey guys sorry I've been so absent lately, I've been without internet and kinda a mess too.
But I have internet again, so hopefully I'll be able to be in chat or mumble soon. Looks like it's going to be better than before too *crosses fingers*
Love you guys.
But I have internet again, so hopefully I'll be able to be in chat or mumble soon. Looks like it's going to be better than before too *crosses fingers*
Love you guys.
Because my depression&anxiety have been pretty bad the last few days I got nothing done for school and had to cancel on the one thing I was looking forward to all week - hanging out with a few friends to watch the Superbowl.
Instead I'm gonna sit at home and hate myself and probably not get anything done ANYWAY.
yay. fuck.
Instead I'm gonna sit at home and hate myself and probably not get anything done ANYWAY.
yay. fuck.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I need to join one of these chat sessions. I lack human connections.
I've been living up to my disorder lately: earlier I was feeling really good about my progressing running and now I feel miserable. I go from feeling nearly unstoppable to a ticking time bomb. I've had way too many suicidal thoughts lately; it's a good thing I don't own a gun and know better than to ever buy one.
What's got me down lately is my relationship with my roommate. We don't get along and she doesn't like me. I had really hoped she would be a good friend since I don't have any up here yet. At a school event yesterday showing clubs I signed up for 4-5 email lists, so maybe something will come from that. Whenever I talked to someone I felt lame, but I did manage small talk with a woman standing next to me in line. Monday I'll be calling about joining a social anxiety group. That's progress.
I thought my medication was suppose to prevent this from happening.
I've been living up to my disorder lately: earlier I was feeling really good about my progressing running and now I feel miserable. I go from feeling nearly unstoppable to a ticking time bomb. I've had way too many suicidal thoughts lately; it's a good thing I don't own a gun and know better than to ever buy one.
What's got me down lately is my relationship with my roommate. We don't get along and she doesn't like me. I had really hoped she would be a good friend since I don't have any up here yet. At a school event yesterday showing clubs I signed up for 4-5 email lists, so maybe something will come from that. Whenever I talked to someone I felt lame, but I did manage small talk with a woman standing next to me in line. Monday I'll be calling about joining a social anxiety group. That's progress.
I thought my medication was suppose to prevent this from happening.
I know how much it sucks to have depression wreck events with friends, but hating yourself isn't the way to go about it, trust me. You can take some time to acknowledge that you're sad but you can't dwell in it.
I can't though.
It's a circle of self-loathing and frustration I can't escape.
I can't reason my way out of this.
It sucks.
(like I know it's possible and that I should do it, but I can't do it.)
I need to join one of these chat sessions. I lack human connections.
I've been living up to my disorder lately: earlier I was feeling really good about my progressing running and now I feel miserable. I go from feeling nearly unstoppable to a ticking time bomb. I've had way too many suicidal thoughts lately; it's a good thing I don't own a gun and know better than to ever buy one.
What's got me down lately is my relationship with my roommate. We don't get along and she doesn't like me. I had really hoped she would be a good friend since I don't have any up here yet. At a school event yesterday showing clubs I signed up for 4-5 email lists, so maybe something will come from that. Whenever I talked to someone I felt lame, but I did manage small talk with a woman standing next to me in line. Monday I'll be calling about joining a social anxiety group. That's progress.
I thought my medication was suppose to prevent this from happening.
Come join IRC right now! I'm there. and so are others. we're always there.
In order for your self-loathing to work you must have an argument against yourself for pretty much everything, right? Well everything is a lot of ground to cover, so odds are some of your arguments against yourself that make up your self-loathing cycle are faulty. To quote a fictional attorney, you need to spot the contradiction in the argument. If you can do that, you'll be able to weaken part of that cycle until that part breaks. A good starting point would be the fact that you have friends, so you must be doing something right.
But I can't out-logic my feelings. That's what makes it so frustrating. Like I can tell myself "I shouldn't feel this way because I have x, y and z going for me", but it's not working. :/ The illogical reasons are stronger.
Lionheart1827
Member
Hang in there Fiction!
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I can't believe I might have actually left that IRC chat feeling worse then when I joined. Being the one no one knows sucks.
I'm sorry about what I said. I meant it as a joke, and I (incorrectly) assumed we were comfortable enough for me to go there.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
It was good, but seeing everyone else was already acquainted l felt bad. Reminded me of the real pic January thread and Poli-GAF: communities where a core group is already established.
I guess if I visit consistently that feeling may change.
No reason to be sorry. I just never feel like I belong anywhere.
but I knew you beforehand already... from iOS boardgame-GAF. Well, Hero Academy at least. We're very welcoming... and so is RPJ... it was my first time participating this year. :x Everyone is/was a newcomer at some point. :x
Yeah, chat can be intimidating like that at first, and I should have been more conscious about it. (Especially since you'll never be seeing me talking when there's too many people for the same reason.) But people in chat really latch onto folks quickly, and from my interactions with you in there, I can't really see a reason why that wouldn't happen if you stick around.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
RPJ moved so fast with the same core number of people talking it was like trying to join a group of friends conversation.
Yeah I can totally see that. This thread moves much slower, and some talking happens outside of it, so it should be easy to keep track of and drop in/out of chat for some general talk... especially since there's usually no given topic. I hope you drop by again!
Failing sleep atm, but yes, pretty much this. I've used it for a while now, but I too had my starting point of not really knowing a single person. The more familiarity you establish with people, the easier and better it becomes. Especially when it involves such a good bunch. I probably interact with people from here on a daily basis. Which is great for me to have, since social interaction tends to otherwise be limited. And I thought you did just fine AHB, hope you give it another go.
Tonight/this morning sucks.
As much as I try to pretend it doesn't bother me, losing my job so soon after being hired really is weighing on me. Especially after I thought I was really, truly giving my very best working there. Does my best really only equal being employed for a month before getting told my work "isn't on the level of the other interns." No specifics, just "you suck, now leave."
It mainly hurts because I don't know how to tell people. Now, I'm watching friends of mine get hired at the same place that let me go and I know I can't exactly hide it anymore. But I'm so afraid of letting people down. Moreover, I don't want to give people any reason to look down on me and start lecturing. I know I screwed up. I don't need anyone else to tell me.
But more than anything, this sucks because it's made me realize I have no real plan for my life. I've floated through all these years, just doing what everyone told me I should. My depression and self-esteem were so bad I never imagined much of a life for myself, and thus, never made any kind of plans or moves. And now I'm here with a degree that's for a field I no longer wish to be in and is useless otherwise, and a skillset that's pretty scattershot. I'm really not looking forward to another year of filling out job applications and getting rejected and most of all, being trapped in my house cause I have no money and nothing going on.
It just feels so pointless to try anymore. I'm never good enough, it seems.
As much as I try to pretend it doesn't bother me, losing my job so soon after being hired really is weighing on me. Especially after I thought I was really, truly giving my very best working there. Does my best really only equal being employed for a month before getting told my work "isn't on the level of the other interns." No specifics, just "you suck, now leave."
It mainly hurts because I don't know how to tell people. Now, I'm watching friends of mine get hired at the same place that let me go and I know I can't exactly hide it anymore. But I'm so afraid of letting people down. Moreover, I don't want to give people any reason to look down on me and start lecturing. I know I screwed up. I don't need anyone else to tell me.
But more than anything, this sucks because it's made me realize I have no real plan for my life. I've floated through all these years, just doing what everyone told me I should. My depression and self-esteem were so bad I never imagined much of a life for myself, and thus, never made any kind of plans or moves. And now I'm here with a degree that's for a field I no longer wish to be in and is useless otherwise, and a skillset that's pretty scattershot. I'm really not looking forward to another year of filling out job applications and getting rejected and most of all, being trapped in my house cause I have no money and nothing going on.
It just feels so pointless to try anymore. I'm never good enough, it seems.
Necromanti
Member
I feel like that all the time as well, even when reality might be contrary to that. At times it's just paranoia, but it can be convincing. I remember a time when one of my new friends in one of my classes randomly said, "Nobody likes you, [my name]", as a joke, and that really shook me considering how I was feeling that day. Sometimes I feel like I might project a certain emotional composition and isolate myself subconsciously without realizing that I'm only making the issue worse for myself. It's strange.
Sometimes, I find that those who have depressed themselves can sometimes be the least understanding or supportive. My mother was one of those people.
Back when I was very depressed and suicidal 5 years ago, she believed that I had no reason to be depressed, so I was just being selfish considering how much worse she had it. When one of my best friends at the time ended up going to the principal to stage an intervention, she couldn't understand why I'd do such a thing to them. I had everything I could ask for and had no problems--why was I acting this way? I was forced by the school to go to a therapist, but I was made to lie so I could get out of going back (since it was expensive). Additionally, I had repeatedly asked for therapy or help of any kind before then, but my mother--having been to a therapist before--believed it to be a waste of time, and that medication to treat mental illness only made you numb and was also of no help, offering me a pill so I could see for myself. My father, a doctor, agreed with her.
Her hostility leading up to when I had to go to therapy that one instance and the moments following--the guilting, the belittling, the minimization--only further exasperated me and fueled my feelings of wanting to end it. Thankfully, I was unsuccessful with both of my attempts. The misery of that mental haze I waded through is now a memory so alien to me that I cannot ever imagine falling back into such a state.
So in short, some people won't understand. Some people will never understand, because they do not want to or are simply unable to. Those people who should not be bothered with, at least as far as mental illnesses concern. The key is to find someone who will help you. Or better yet, someone who is qualified to do so. It's always harder when you are a minor, though.
So, I've found out that job searching completely drains me. Like, the day after an interview I need to sleep all day.
Not stopping me though, one month in and all my new years resolutions are going strong. Feels pretty good
Not stopping me though, one month in and all my new years resolutions are going strong. Feels pretty good
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
I feel like my life would at least be marginally better if I had the courage to see a doctor about my depression, but I just don't. Every time I think about it, the thought of explaining myself to someone fills me with dread.
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
I know it can be difficult, but to get better you have to be proactive. Do you not feel comfortable around your primary doctor?
Bluekaveli
Member
I've been cold turkey off my meds for almost a week now. Why did I do this?
T
Transhuman
Unconfirmed Member
Primary doctor?
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
I should probably clarify, I meant people who are trying or starting to feel better themselves are usually the most understanding. If they're still in that rut and not progressing or getting help then yes, it's a situation most people can't sympathize with but from this board and other places I've met people where I felt the most connected and we understood each other when things happened because we had both experienced them and could strongly relate to the feelings and problems you have. Now that I think about it I can definitely think of people that were the same way and I guess they didn't come to mind as quickly because you try to forget but without a doubt it comes down to the specific person like you said. I agree with that fully. Depression is a weird thing and it's always kind of hard because you're not really sure why the things that are happening are happening so to have a third party, even with good intentions, try to help is usually less than successful. At least in my experience. (Also, I'm just referring to normal people here such as family, friends, coworkers, etc., I'm not referring to trained people like therapists, psychologists, etc.)
What exactly fills you with dread about it?
A Human Becoming
More than a Member
The person you see when you're sick.
Dr.Guru of Peru
played the long game
Most GPs should be pretty comfortable prescribing a TCA like Nortryptiline. But I'm actually wondering if a drug like Mirtazapine might work better for you. Have you tried it before?
I just finally got myself to the point of talking to a doctor, so I'm still very early on in trying out medication. So no, Celexa was the first I tried. We'll see. Gonna try an SNRI next, if it doesn't work we'll go from there. Not confident SNRI's will work since they have very similar sideeffects on the gut than SSRI's...
Dr.Guru of Peru
played the long game
Any particular reason why you're going with an SNRI next in that case?
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