grap3fruitman
Banned
Hint: First word of the title.
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Dating-Age |OT4| Realise You're Living in the Golden Years
- Thread starter Minamu
- Start date
- Status
Will do. Remember that I don't have her number. She's going to contact me. I'm planning on going on my own some time tomorrow.
PflargBlarg
Member
Not always.
Some people just don't like the idea of a set day to do 'romance'. It kind of strips the meaning from the whole thing.
I've taken my gf for a fancy dinner recently, but it was pretty much just because I felt like it. Plus, our valentine's day is going to be moving to a new apartment
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Not always.
Some people just don't like the idea of a set day to do 'romance'. It kind of strips the meaning from the whole thing.
I've taken my gf for a fancy dinner recently, but it was pretty much just because I felt like it. Plus, our valentine's day is going to be moving to a new apartment
Sounds familiar! My girl and I are celebrating Valentine's Day when we're together next weekend by going to dinner and sharing a bottle of wine afterwards. But, that's what we generally do when we're together anyway. We'll also be moving her into our new place, and I'll be joining her at the end of February.
Seems like every girl in my country is in long term relationship lol, and they all go out without boyfriends and waste your time, but I did befriend quite a few and gonna have them introduce me to their single friends (if they exist) and still keep going with really cute ones unless it's very serious relationship.
Was funny how pissed my friend became after he met a stereotypical or better said perfect model of a girl from my town, was comedy gold.
Was funny how pissed my friend became after he met a stereotypical or better said perfect model of a girl from my town, was comedy gold.
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
I hope you don't talk to potential dates like this.
So, if we offer any advice, do you think you'll be able to see it as possibly good advice, and get out of your completely contrarian mindset? No snark here, but for you that's of utmost importance. Get a positive mindset, become a positive guy, assume people are capable of being nice to you and are sincerely nice. Then...you'll find nice people anywhere.
This is really global, so it'll be pretty useless. But I've offered to give you concrete advice via PM like three times so far, and I've never heard from you. Is there reason for us to believe this time is gonna be any different? These are sincere questions, not snarky or mad. Don't interpret them like that.
grap3fruitman
Banned
There are no potential dates.
I don't have a "contrarian mindset." I"m just honest about how pathetic and hopeless I am. I have no redeeming qualities and no woman wants anything to do with me. That's just the truth and that's been my lifelong experience. From what I can recall, which is not much, none of your advice really applied to me. Like for instance, you just said that I have to start being positive. There isn't some switch I can hit to turn off my depression. It doesn't work like that. What do I have to be positive about?
That you have the mental capacities to be a snide asshole on internet forums. Some people don't have the cognitive ability, the physical ability to type, or the option to use the internet in the first place.
Just start by realizing there are different points of views you can take about everything in your life. Think about how, as depressed as you say you are, you still have so much more than so many others.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Well, the depression thing is some other issue, and it obviously feeds into the relationship thing but it doesn't dictate it. Look man, you're not pathetic and hopeless. You're not probably a good guy with interesting perspectives or at the very least a nice collection of trillbys (haha just kidding). But you gotta be willing to step out of that comfort zone, and furthermore be willing to get hurt (in terms of rejection), even though I think you're a worthwhile person not everyone's gonna see that, or they're not gonna see that and think of it in terms of relationships, so you gotta accept that and realize that even though yeah you'll fall down a few times and it'll suck you just gotta get back up and try again. PM if you wanna talk or anything, and Best of Luck.
*Drops Mic*
grap3fruitman
Banned
I know that there are people who have it off worse than me. That doesn't make me feel better about myself. And if it did, I'd be a fucking asshole.
I don't know what that is.
That's the thing: I'm not afraid of rejection. I've never not been rejected. I'm so used to it.
What makes me panic is the thought of a girl saying "Yes." I've never gotten a "Yes" before and I wouldn't know the first thing about what to do. The fact that I'm almost 27 and never been on a date just makes me exponentially more nervous and I start panicking.
The Artful Dodger
Member
Trillbys are what the kids wear that they call fedoras. I was being funny.
That's called overthinking most folks do that. You gotta learn to say, ok, maybe I can't see it, but obviously this chick sees something worthwhile in me. I'll trust that. Don't take it as evidence of something or anything, just figure she's a big girl and can make her own choices and if she decides to kick it with you, and it's something you wanna do just go for it.
Turning off that part of the brain is harder, but like...it's doable.
I have depression too and while it makes things hard it doesn't make them impossible.
My first piece of advice would be to get a professional therapist. You keep reaching out to this thread so you do seem to want help in a sense despite ignoring what people tell you.
You say you don't have any redeeming qualities, ok, what sort of qualities would you like to have? And how do you think you would go about achieving them? Take a first step, no matter how small, but make sure it'll work. Then look back on that step. Time and time again. Even taking that first step is a redeeming quality in and of itself.
You go to the gym, right? Set any new pr's lately? Did you lose weight? Do you go consistently? If you answered yes to one of those, that's a redeeming quality. No ifs and buts.
Did you have a good time with a girl the other time? She must have seen SOME redeeming qualities in you. What were they? Identofy them, and repeat them ad infinitum, and try to expand on them. Believe me, you're negative view of yourself is completely wrong and negatively skewed. You're a good looking dude. Don't tell me you're not. You are. You just think you're not.
What is there to be positive about? Pictures of kittens, beautiful guitar music. A nice sunset, a great meal (bonus points if you cooked it yourself) Want to know what to be positive about? At the end of the day, make a list of ten nice things EVERY evening. Try to make a list of things that you did, that make you proud? Don't have anything to be positive about? CREATE things to be positive about, and hammer them into your brain.
Ideally you'd want to do this together with a therapist. Because this is the internet, and no advice on here is gonna help somebody who is more then slightly depressed.
Edit all sorts of crappy typos, but on my phone, excuse me
Is there a way to tactfully get distance from an ex? Mine has been calling me nearly every day about nothing in particular, just chatting about random stuff like we're best buds. And I would love to be best buds with her, it's just too soon for that. Yet I can't just tell her to buzz off because she is going through some very difficult times (including but not limited to being molested a couple weeks ago) and I'm one of the only people she trusts. I care about her a lot and even though she dumped me I don't want to her to hurt.
I'm not saying to feel good about being better off, I'm saying don't squander your opportunity in life, because there are those that never got that chance.
Dude, you are so in denial. Everybody has attractive qualities that men and women are drawn to. I get that you're still hurt because you had something going with a decent girl from OKC who made you feel good to be around but then she went cold. It happens to all of us but you know what? We eventually forget and move on.
If you truly believe you're "hopeless and pathetic" like you say you are, then it's going to show in the way you carry yourself and also in your interpersonal communication with people. That's self-fulfilling prophecy. Must you question every piece of genuine helpful advice that people have tried to give you? Because honestly, at best your negative funk almost sounds like it's an online persona since I've met a few GAF members in person who have a larger-than-life personality/presence on GAF but have turned out to be completely different in person.
I'll give you a real example of a friend of mines who's succeeding with a woman despite looking nerdy, doesn't work out or drink, virgin (FYI I'm virgin), has autism but he's also incredibly intelligent/cunning, knows a ton of people, gets straight A's and is always willing to listen to my problems/worries whenever I text him. He's the polar opposite of me despite both of us being the same age but we share similar interests. Let's call him Dwight. Dwight would fall head over heels in love with any girl who would simply talk to him even though they were being friendly and only saw him as a friend. He would blush beet red if a woman complemented him.
In the year that I've known Dwight, he's been a doormat to women always kissing up to them much to me and my friends' dismay. We've given him advice but ultimately watch him persist with women. That was until Dwight met this girl in one of his grad school classes last semester. This girl was genuinely interested in Dwight and found him attractive. So Dwight started hanging out with her and getting to know her. She's been blowing up his phone with texts for the last several weeks and reading too much into everything she's been saying e.g. her using the word date since they're gonna go see The Jon Stewart Show live (I've been doling out advice to him since he would hit me up asking for it).
Last Monday, I received a text from Dwight. Apparently, the girl made out with him. I was happy for him despite being a little bit of a douche and dismissing her interest in him before. Last night, I received another text from him: the girl was talking to him about Valentine's Day. She wants him to go to over to her apartment on that day. I laughed out loud when I read it out of surprise and triumph. My reply was simple: [Dwight], if it's one piece of advice I'll [ever] give you, it's to say fuck it and do it. Don't regret anything anything. You have my full blessing. DO IT. He replied and said he will.
The moral of this story is that is that if someone like my friend Dwight can be successful with women, anyone can. Dwight has a quiet confidence that attracted this girl to him so even the most nerdiest looking dudes have redemptive qualities. Persistence is and focusing on oneself is king. It also helps, that I've been cheering Dwight on by being a supportive friend. The same way he got all excited when I briefly went out with a girl several months ago and told him I made out with her, is the same way I'm excited for him today.
Arkos
Nose how to spell and rede to
Tell her exactly that, that it's difficult to talk to her so often right now and you need some time away, although you'd like to be able to talk to her once you're comfortable. Boom.
You gotta improve where you can. The first kiss initiative is something I could overcome by myself. In the moment, it didn't seem risky at all due to the close proximity after hugging her. So I just went for it!
Sadly it seems she may be losing interest after I spoke to her yesterday. Perhaps it was too soon after the date. Alas I am doing my own thing for the next few days, and I'll contact her Monday for a second date. Hopefully it pans out, if not, I obtained valuable experience.
I'll say this anyway, I hate dating so bloody much!
Oh another thing that happened last week was activating a cold talk. Had time to kill in Tampa before a meeting. Went to a coffee shop. Cute girl sat across from me. Saw she was reading politics for school, and I started a conversation off that. Pity she was in a relationship already but I got some experience in cold start conversation. So huzzah for that!
grap3fruitman
Banned
You don't get it at all. In 27 years I was only able to get that one single person to show an interest in me. THAT'S IT. Why? Why does the rest of the world find me so unappealing? What's so wrong with me that no one will love me? =(
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
I'd highly recommend putting dating itself on the backburner and working towards helping your depression.
This. Please seek professional help. You don't even have to take medication if you don't want to. If you see a psychiatrist, they prescribe meds. Psychotherapists on the other hand don't. You're not obligated to take meds at all contrary to the popular belief. There's people that see therapists that are fine without it like myself. Discussing your issues with a therapist will definitely help you out in the long run as they see things that you don't.
Hell, if you don't have insurance/don't want to pay out pocket, seek a support group on meetup.com. You'll meet people and relate to them. If you really want to date again, help yourself first before throwing yourself back into the ring.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Back?
He means to not focus on dating and instead focus on getting yourself together so that you don't feel hopeless and depressed. You need to learn to love yourself before you can love others.
grap3fruitman
Banned
There's nothing to love. Everyone sees that and that's why they all stay away. =(
You know, I can't help but feel just like you sometimes. What is it about yourself that you don't like? Do you know what they are or do you just assume that it must be something that causes people to "stay away"?
Grape, Gaffers have seen your old dating profile, I have too. You aren't a bad-looking man, actually you're around above average, maybe average if I am being a snobbish prick. So your looks aren't the reason you aren't succeeding. Many would love to be in your position.
The reason you are not great in the dating scene is because of your extreme negative outlook on your self; no women want to date someone who constantly shits on himself, the world, or anyone else. Hell, you could have a harem of women lusting for you, but you wouldn't notice due to your complete self-loathing.
Get professional help. See a therapist, or follow Jintor's advice and join a support group. You need better assistance than what Neogaf can provide to you.
The reason you are not great in the dating scene is because of your extreme negative outlook on your self; no women want to date someone who constantly shits on himself, the world, or anyone else. Hell, you could have a harem of women lusting for you, but you wouldn't notice due to your complete self-loathing.
Get professional help. See a therapist, or follow Jintor's advice and join a support group. You need better assistance than what Neogaf can provide to you.
stn
Member
Dude...
Its not that nobody likes you. You just happen to lack experience which in turn creates your negative attitude. Because of this you don't know how to help yourself. Frankly, it shows. You've been snide and rude to people on this forum who have only tried to help you. The problem is that you keep coming back here but never attempt any of the advice given to you. I have never seen you give a positive reply to anyone's advice here. Personally speaking I would reallyyyyyy like to see you cheer up, but even I must admit some of your posts here make my eyes twitch just slightly.
See, here's the thing. You want women in order to get out of depression, but in reality you need to get out of depression before you can meet women. I would URGE you to go see a therapist or seek a support group, there is nothing more that anyone here can do for you. We've all given the same advice ad nauseum and its led nowhere. The advice people on GAF gave you 5 years ago will be the same advice they give you in 10 years, know what I mean? There will be no new miracle advice.
Now, before anything else: can you make a list of 5 things you're grateful for? Don't ask questions or go off on tangents, just make the list. Do this and let's go from there.
Its not that nobody likes you. You just happen to lack experience which in turn creates your negative attitude. Because of this you don't know how to help yourself. Frankly, it shows. You've been snide and rude to people on this forum who have only tried to help you. The problem is that you keep coming back here but never attempt any of the advice given to you. I have never seen you give a positive reply to anyone's advice here. Personally speaking I would reallyyyyyy like to see you cheer up, but even I must admit some of your posts here make my eyes twitch just slightly.
See, here's the thing. You want women in order to get out of depression, but in reality you need to get out of depression before you can meet women. I would URGE you to go see a therapist or seek a support group, there is nothing more that anyone here can do for you. We've all given the same advice ad nauseum and its led nowhere. The advice people on GAF gave you 5 years ago will be the same advice they give you in 10 years, know what I mean? There will be no new miracle advice.
Now, before anything else: can you make a list of 5 things you're grateful for? Don't ask questions or go off on tangents, just make the list. Do this and let's go from there.
So what do you do if the problem isn't that you can't talk to women that you are attracted to, it's that there aren't any women around that you're attracted to right now? Are my standards too high? Am I just not looking hard enough? Is this not a problem at all and I should just continue with my daily life until I meet a woman who I am attracted to?
Why would that be a problem.
This is my problem right now. The three girls I was attracted to recently all have boyfriends so now there's no one. The solution would be, I guess, to just go out more. Go somewhere you don't usually go. In my case, I can't rely on school to meet women all the time.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Wow, there is a lot of negativity going on in here right now. I know that sometimes it is tough to feel positive when you feel like no one is interested in you and there aren't many prospects. Believe me, we've all been there. But being negative about where your life is at quickly becomes evident if you are around people, and it is a huge turnoff to others, whether you're looking to date them or not. Self loathing and feeling sorry for yourself won't help at all.
For some of you who are experiencing depression, anxiety, and high levels of frustration, I really do think it is important that you find someone to talk to. Preferably a professional, but if not, a support group or even a really great friend.
As others have said, it is impossible for someone else to love or even like you, when you don't even love yourself.
For some of you who are experiencing depression, anxiety, and high levels of frustration, I really do think it is important that you find someone to talk to. Preferably a professional, but if not, a support group or even a really great friend.
As others have said, it is impossible for someone else to love or even like you, when you don't even love yourself.
beat
Member
How many new people are you meeting every week? If you have a comfortable routine, you probably aren't meeting new people at all.
Are you meeting a lot of women but not attracted to any of them? Then yeah, maybe your standards are too high, but personally I suspect this is less likely than just not meeting new people at all.
Also, what about your single women friends? Do you have a lot, but don't want to ask any of them out? If yes, then your standards might be too high. Or, they're not what you're looking for in which case it gets back to how you'll need to meet the kind of women you are looking for.
bigfunkychiken
Member
That isn't true at all, but I see what you're trying to say.
Kung Fu Jedi
Member
Okay, impossible might be too strong of a word, but those feeling are likely to drive others off.
bigfunkychiken
Member
yeah, expressing self-loathing feelings for even a second is enough to turn anybody off
If I didn't have the internet, I would be boned. It's been quite difficult for me to meet new people outside of college. I live in a pretty small and heavily conservative town. My environment doesn't allow me to meet people around my age, or at least ones I would want to be friends with.
At the very least, I'll be in Tampa more due to volunteering, so I'll have more places to check out when I wait for my shift to start up.
I am volunteering at a Hospice, with patients, so I doubt I'll meet too many new people via that route.
grap3fruitman
Banned
It would really just be a lot easier to end my life than go see a shrink. I fucking hate shrinks so much.
I miss read so many hints and signs last night GAF (possibly) incoming long story.
So last night me and two mates went out to a few clubs last night and a girl we all knew was out. Now this girl had been texting one of the friends I was out with a few weeks before Christmas but that seemed to break off. Now when we saw them last night I went over to see them and just show that I was out and would see them later, as the friend that had been texting her wanted to go as soon as I went over to see them.
So we leave and go onto the next club, we were there for a while enjoying ourselves when her and her friend come in. Now at this point in the club there were two coworkers in there, one being female the other male. When the coworkers saw me dancing with this girl the coworkers thought it'd be a good idea for them to "cockblock" me and have the female coworker grinding on me. So after they had their fun I got back to dancing with the girl who me and my mates knew.
Now as it was starting to get later now and the club started emptying out I decided to head onto the next club which was starting to get busy. So from here on out I'm dancing with her in the final club we would be busying till we leave. Now during our time in the final club my friend start to get a bit sour that me and this girl he had been text a month before were dancing together. So with him bitching in the background and us just dancing she starts to tease me because I had a love bite on my neck (me and a few mates had been out the night before in a different town). I was just teasing her back saying that I would end up carrying her to a taxi because I've seen her in a few drunken states before. Her friend is still with her but she didn't seem that bothered I was with her, she was with another guy anyways. But for the first time that I know of (bearing in mind I've seen them out a few times) he friend goes home with out her so that just leaves us two out together. Now time flies by were just dancing away and she's texting her friend who has just got home tell her she is still out with me, but the instead of sending the text she asked me to but my first and last name on the text for her.
The end of the night comes around and we're leaving the club and we get outside, she takes her shoes off for god knows what reason and I end up carrying her to the cash machine so I could get some money out the for my taxi and then carry on carrying her to a takeaway for some food. She orders what she want and its pretty full so we're sat there talking about all sorts of things. Fast forward 10-20 mins she's got her head on my shoulder and she start to bring up people she had hooked up with the weekend before (not slept with). At the time I had no idea how to react to it whether its because of her teasing me about my love bite before or to get me jealous or some shit. So we carry on talking and we leave after she gets her food, she asks where I live to see if its worth sharing the taxi price, but because we live on opposite sideS of the town she decides against it. Two taxis arrive for us she hugs me and says thanks for tonight or something like that then we both go our separate ways. Now I'm kicking myself because I should of gone for the kiss then, in have no problem with doing it but for some reason I just couldn't with her.
Now today my friend (the one that was texting her) is talking to me on Facebook telling that I could have took her home etc, which I was surprised at after him falling out with me last night. But then he quickly jumps on to the whole you sometimes only get one chance and all this shit. Should I contact her some time next week on Facebook? Ive had her as a friend on there for ages, I've havent just added her after last night. I find it easier to talk to them in person, I have no idea what to say on Facebook or whether I should after her telling me about her hookups from the previous weekend. Help GAF.
So last night me and two mates went out to a few clubs last night and a girl we all knew was out. Now this girl had been texting one of the friends I was out with a few weeks before Christmas but that seemed to break off. Now when we saw them last night I went over to see them and just show that I was out and would see them later, as the friend that had been texting her wanted to go as soon as I went over to see them.
So we leave and go onto the next club, we were there for a while enjoying ourselves when her and her friend come in. Now at this point in the club there were two coworkers in there, one being female the other male. When the coworkers saw me dancing with this girl the coworkers thought it'd be a good idea for them to "cockblock" me and have the female coworker grinding on me. So after they had their fun I got back to dancing with the girl who me and my mates knew.
Now as it was starting to get later now and the club started emptying out I decided to head onto the next club which was starting to get busy. So from here on out I'm dancing with her in the final club we would be busying till we leave. Now during our time in the final club my friend start to get a bit sour that me and this girl he had been text a month before were dancing together. So with him bitching in the background and us just dancing she starts to tease me because I had a love bite on my neck (me and a few mates had been out the night before in a different town). I was just teasing her back saying that I would end up carrying her to a taxi because I've seen her in a few drunken states before. Her friend is still with her but she didn't seem that bothered I was with her, she was with another guy anyways. But for the first time that I know of (bearing in mind I've seen them out a few times) he friend goes home with out her so that just leaves us two out together. Now time flies by were just dancing away and she's texting her friend who has just got home tell her she is still out with me, but the instead of sending the text she asked me to but my first and last name on the text for her.
The end of the night comes around and we're leaving the club and we get outside, she takes her shoes off for god knows what reason and I end up carrying her to the cash machine so I could get some money out the for my taxi and then carry on carrying her to a takeaway for some food. She orders what she want and its pretty full so we're sat there talking about all sorts of things. Fast forward 10-20 mins she's got her head on my shoulder and she start to bring up people she had hooked up with the weekend before (not slept with). At the time I had no idea how to react to it whether its because of her teasing me about my love bite before or to get me jealous or some shit. So we carry on talking and we leave after she gets her food, she asks where I live to see if its worth sharing the taxi price, but because we live on opposite sideS of the town she decides against it. Two taxis arrive for us she hugs me and says thanks for tonight or something like that then we both go our separate ways. Now I'm kicking myself because I should of gone for the kiss then, in have no problem with doing it but for some reason I just couldn't with her.
Now today my friend (the one that was texting her) is talking to me on Facebook telling that I could have took her home etc, which I was surprised at after him falling out with me last night. But then he quickly jumps on to the whole you sometimes only get one chance and all this shit. Should I contact her some time next week on Facebook? Ive had her as a friend on there for ages, I've havent just added her after last night. I find it easier to talk to them in person, I have no idea what to say on Facebook or whether I should after her telling me about her hookups from the previous weekend. Help GAF.
sooperkool
Member
Ask her how she's been since you saw her last and ask her if she wants to go out again
Got back from a lunch date. She was very cute and seemed really cool too. We went to a figure drawing group and then got sushi afterwards. At the end I said we should do something again and she just said "yeah" and that was about it... not very convincingly I guess? I dunno. A couple times she commented on how I'm a very relaxed, go-with-the-flow kind of guy, which is true, but I can't tell if she was really about that. Anyways it seemed like things went pretty well overall but at this point I'm pretty much used to not getting second dates. :/
Not sure how long I should wait to text... maybe later tonight.
Not sure how long I should wait to text... maybe later tonight.
Expect the worst, hope for the best. People can be very flaky and often are.
D
Deleted member 47027
Unconfirmed Member
Get out of the Dating thread and head to the Mental Health thread. They're good people.
I was just wondering if I can post some thoughts I have about current state of things for me here (my country).
It's just some of my thoughts thrown out and bit of me ranting about current situation here when it comes to women and me explaining some things.
It's not too large or small for that matter but I don't want to just throw it out randomly, to have it be out of place or just ignored so wanna ask first?'
Edit: Ok there it is under, and I know when I talk about the "game" or pick up it might sound hm assholish? but come on, I'm young, not interested in relationships and I like women, guess I was born in a wrong place QQ
It's just some of my thoughts thrown out and bit of me ranting about current situation here when it comes to women and me explaining some things.
It's not too large or small for that matter but I don't want to just throw it out randomly, to have it be out of place or just ignored so wanna ask first?'
Edit: Ok there it is under, and I know when I talk about the "game" or pick up it might sound hm assholish? but come on, I'm young, not interested in relationships and I like women, guess I was born in a wrong place QQ
If it is relevant to this thread, go for it.
I've been thinking about this a lot today and I've gotta rant a bit, describe you my situation and hopefully get some advice. I'm not trying to make excuses, lie or any bs like that I've been annoyed since last night and gotta get it of my chest. Also if you're from here and have opposite experience PM me.
So I live in a country called Montenegro, it's one of smaller countries in Europe and we're next to Croatia and Serbia. I'm gonna put some personal details in so anyone who knows me can probably figure who I am but it doesn't matter. What I've known for a while but tried to work around, maybe adapt or try it anyway is: this country fucking sucks for the "game" or pick up and I'll give you some examples why, they're not made up and are all first hand experience or through friends. You know how if you're really good at this you can hook up with a girl in single day, or one night stand? Yeah good luck with that, it doesn't exist here, hell they won't even kiss you for whatever amount of time. They might if you're super rich and throw money around, but more likely to just get ripped off by many golddiggers. Now, I'm not exactly very rich but I'm well off, I can use it but I don't, I just don't like throwing money around or am willing to satisfy fucking golddiggers. Now beside them let's talk about normal girls. Sure, there's a lot of them, but they're all in relationship. Remember when I mentioned about one night stands? Yeah so to get a girl you'll have to date her for a while, during that time get to know each other really well and then you'll have some of that there romantic sex lol, unless she dumps you during that time or drives you insane. Every cute girl seems to be in relationship, and not in a bullshit excuse way but they are, they'll tell you if they're nice right away or if not after you waste your money paying for them whole night(oh yeah, women never pay here, maybe in long term relationship but it's still man's job to take care of her). Cold approaching is hell here, unless you have some connection to her your chances to get anything out of that are slim. Sure, they might give you their facebook or number but that usually goes nowhere, almost everyone I know that's in relationship met through some friends or social circle. A looooooooooot of girls are also experts at being bitches or blowing you off in billion ways, I have no issues with this if it was just working around it but it's annoying. My friends from Serbia never believe me that it's that different here. When I go up there it's awesome, we speak same language, same people(mostly) and girls are much more relaxed and friendly. Then they come here and cry in despair after they run into one of our "princesses".
Let me paint you a picture of our clubs or bars. Clubs are usually of course dark, loud but no dance floor. You'll have tables(vip style) around or standing ones all over, and for few hours people will generally stand still looking at each other( so retarded, it happened last night hence me being pissed off and finally writing about this), then maybe later 10% will dance or at least move a bit. Usually you'll have noone approaching and ppl just looking at each other, or few "brave" guys doing it and getting blown off. Then there are pubs and bars but they are more hm brighter but music also very loud, depending on place girls can be much nicer but it's still such an uphill struggle it's almost not worth it. Now, it's not that I'm some loser and this is just my experience, it is for most of people I know. You work your ass off to get gf then you stick with her for years because it's not worth the trouble of going to get new one. Half my friends also slept with prostitutes (brothel ones) because that's a lot more normal and casual here than flings or hookups, and cheaper if you count paying for x dates to finally get a chance to maybe sleep with her. Then there are some people that "get lucky" more often like my friend who keeps telling me "BRO YOU GOTTA LOWER YOUR STANDARDS, JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND FUCK ANY GIRL", and you can guess what kind of girls he goes for, and even he exaggerates about it.
But then it's not all hell like that, we're tourist country and in summer our coast is filled with people from Serbia, Russia, Ukraine and rest of Europe so then there's a lot more chance to have fun and less pressure on. Also for me personally and most guys I know Belgrade, Serbia is like a holy city, because when you go there girls are so much friendlier and relaxed it's like coming from playing Dark Souls to playing Skyrim on easy (ha, gaming reference), or from playing in NFL to little kids league, but with hot friendly women.
I don't know, this post is a mess but I just wanted to throw it all out of me and didn't really formulate it or think about it and just typed. I'm not gonna stop trying but it is so annoying you just wanna give up. I love when I travel anywhere, it feels so much easier to just talk to women, let alone all the things past that. I am also going to Warsaw, Poland to study for 2 years, that will be a huge break for me I hope. I'm sure Warsaw isn't most sexually liberated place either but from my visits and what I've heard, it should be a lot better than here that's for sure.
I know from conversation with women and people that they behave more reserved because we're small country, patriarchal society, everyone is in everyone's business so people know everything and will find out everything but it's just so stupid.
Of course there are exceptions to every single thing I described above but this was a general picture of current state of things. There are proper clubs with dance floor(not that many), girls that are known as sluts but still need some sort of way in to get in touch with them and it will still take time or money, and some ~alternative bars but it's mostly the same shit just different music.
Well if you read this thanks, I just don't know what to do. I'll always be "fighting the good fight" to get more girls but it just seems like a no win situation at the moment, I just need some opinions or thoughts about this. And I know it will be helluva hard to understand this without living here or at least going out here when it's not summer time and with local girls but oh well. People always call BS on "hardness to get girls here" but then they come and see...
Also I can give some examples of a night out, hell last few days have been better than most of previous ones but still. I'll answer any questions or add further thoughts because I feel like talking about this or getting 2nd opinion might be beneficial. But now it's 4 am and I'm gonna go sleep and come back refreshed tomorrow, nn.
So I live in a country called Montenegro, it's one of smaller countries in Europe and we're next to Croatia and Serbia. I'm gonna put some personal details in so anyone who knows me can probably figure who I am but it doesn't matter. What I've known for a while but tried to work around, maybe adapt or try it anyway is: this country fucking sucks for the "game" or pick up and I'll give you some examples why, they're not made up and are all first hand experience or through friends. You know how if you're really good at this you can hook up with a girl in single day, or one night stand? Yeah good luck with that, it doesn't exist here, hell they won't even kiss you for whatever amount of time. They might if you're super rich and throw money around, but more likely to just get ripped off by many golddiggers. Now, I'm not exactly very rich but I'm well off, I can use it but I don't, I just don't like throwing money around or am willing to satisfy fucking golddiggers. Now beside them let's talk about normal girls. Sure, there's a lot of them, but they're all in relationship. Remember when I mentioned about one night stands? Yeah so to get a girl you'll have to date her for a while, during that time get to know each other really well and then you'll have some of that there romantic sex lol, unless she dumps you during that time or drives you insane. Every cute girl seems to be in relationship, and not in a bullshit excuse way but they are, they'll tell you if they're nice right away or if not after you waste your money paying for them whole night(oh yeah, women never pay here, maybe in long term relationship but it's still man's job to take care of her). Cold approaching is hell here, unless you have some connection to her your chances to get anything out of that are slim. Sure, they might give you their facebook or number but that usually goes nowhere, almost everyone I know that's in relationship met through some friends or social circle. A looooooooooot of girls are also experts at being bitches or blowing you off in billion ways, I have no issues with this if it was just working around it but it's annoying. My friends from Serbia never believe me that it's that different here. When I go up there it's awesome, we speak same language, same people(mostly) and girls are much more relaxed and friendly. Then they come here and cry in despair after they run into one of our "princesses".
Let me paint you a picture of our clubs or bars. Clubs are usually of course dark, loud but no dance floor. You'll have tables(vip style) around or standing ones all over, and for few hours people will generally stand still looking at each other( so retarded, it happened last night hence me being pissed off and finally writing about this), then maybe later 10% will dance or at least move a bit. Usually you'll have noone approaching and ppl just looking at each other, or few "brave" guys doing it and getting blown off. Then there are pubs and bars but they are more hm brighter but music also very loud, depending on place girls can be much nicer but it's still such an uphill struggle it's almost not worth it. Now, it's not that I'm some loser and this is just my experience, it is for most of people I know. You work your ass off to get gf then you stick with her for years because it's not worth the trouble of going to get new one. Half my friends also slept with prostitutes (brothel ones) because that's a lot more normal and casual here than flings or hookups, and cheaper if you count paying for x dates to finally get a chance to maybe sleep with her. Then there are some people that "get lucky" more often like my friend who keeps telling me "BRO YOU GOTTA LOWER YOUR STANDARDS, JUST CLOSE YOUR EYES AND FUCK ANY GIRL", and you can guess what kind of girls he goes for, and even he exaggerates about it.
But then it's not all hell like that, we're tourist country and in summer our coast is filled with people from Serbia, Russia, Ukraine and rest of Europe so then there's a lot more chance to have fun and less pressure on. Also for me personally and most guys I know Belgrade, Serbia is like a holy city, because when you go there girls are so much friendlier and relaxed it's like coming from playing Dark Souls to playing Skyrim on easy (ha, gaming reference), or from playing in NFL to little kids league, but with hot friendly women.
I don't know, this post is a mess but I just wanted to throw it all out of me and didn't really formulate it or think about it and just typed. I'm not gonna stop trying but it is so annoying you just wanna give up. I love when I travel anywhere, it feels so much easier to just talk to women, let alone all the things past that. I am also going to Warsaw, Poland to study for 2 years, that will be a huge break for me I hope. I'm sure Warsaw isn't most sexually liberated place either but from my visits and what I've heard, it should be a lot better than here that's for sure.
I know from conversation with women and people that they behave more reserved because we're small country, patriarchal society, everyone is in everyone's business so people know everything and will find out everything but it's just so stupid.
Of course there are exceptions to every single thing I described above but this was a general picture of current state of things. There are proper clubs with dance floor(not that many), girls that are known as sluts but still need some sort of way in to get in touch with them and it will still take time or money, and some ~alternative bars but it's mostly the same shit just different music.
Well if you read this thanks, I just don't know what to do. I'll always be "fighting the good fight" to get more girls but it just seems like a no win situation at the moment, I just need some opinions or thoughts about this. And I know it will be helluva hard to understand this without living here or at least going out here when it's not summer time and with local girls but oh well. People always call BS on "hardness to get girls here" but then they come and see...
Also I can give some examples of a night out, hell last few days have been better than most of previous ones but still. I'll answer any questions or add further thoughts because I feel like talking about this or getting 2nd opinion might be beneficial. But now it's 4 am and I'm gonna go sleep and come back refreshed tomorrow, nn.
Are we talking about just finding women to hook up with (no strings attached)? Or are you looking for a relationship? From what I gathered from your post is that you are looking for women to have sex with, but it is a problem because everyone is either taken, or you have to put in the effort to only get shot down.
Correct me if I am wrong.
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