Relationship question.

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la flama blanca

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Has anyone ever managed to salvage or rebuild a relationship that has a history of infidelity with someone they were involved for a lengthy period of time? If someone tried their best to really show you they love you, but has a history of lying and being untrustworthy, would you take them back?
 
la flama blanca said:
Has anyone ever managed to salvage or rebuild a relationship that has a history of infidelity with someone they were involved for a lengthy period of time? If someone tried their best to really show you they love you, but has a history of lying and being untrustworthy, would you take them back?
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Not to be short but no. If they loved you I don't think they would hurt you.
 
That is only a decision you can make, but as for me the answer is no; I hold myself up in too much esteem and love to give in to something which to me would reek of pearls before swine. I just don't trust people if they've done shit like that, not trying to be better than anyone, I just, I can't.
 
I wouldn't, because I have taken someone back before after they ruined our relationship and honestly, it made the whole situation worse than it was before

Don't do it, you'll regret it in the end and it might affect you mentally as well
 
My ex is trying this with me at the moment actually. Cheated on me drunkenly twice, we broke up at the start of August. Didn't speak to her until about November, she got a new boyfriend in that time because she couldn't really handle being alone but broke up with him quick. Since then we've been getting on well as mates, see each other maybe once every two weeks for dinner or pub but she told me she wants to prove to me how silly she was and she'll do anything to put it right.

It's hard because in my head I feel like I would take her back or I know I'd feel jealous if another boy liked her or she liked someone else. But I often get little flashes of seeing her fucking these other guys in my head and it hurts like hell all over again. Think she'll just drift off after a while of not being together and the problem will solve itself really.
 
la flama blanca said:
Has anyone ever managed to salvage or rebuild a relationship that has a history of infidelity with someone they were involved for a lengthy period of time? If someone tried their best to really show you they love you, but has a history of lying and being untrustworthy, would you take them back?
Click to expand...

Short answer no, would not take them back but for curiosity sake,

How long the relationship and how many times the cheating?

Why does the person want you back? Why do you think this person wants you back?
 
la flama blanca said:
Has anyone ever managed to salvage or rebuild a relationship that has a history of infidelity with someone they were involved for a lengthy period of time? If someone tried their best to really show you they love you, but has a history of lying and being untrustworthy, would you take them back?
Click to expand...

why would you do this to yourself? move on, man
 
Yes. Usually years later after other failed relationships and both people growing up a lot. Assuming there was love and it wasn't just a fling type of thing. Also, both people have to be the type to be able to let go of grudges. Having other relationships as a measuring stick in addition to a lot of time helps put things into perspective. And both people have to feel the same way about each other too, so the chances here are pretty small which is why people say "ain't worth it bro move on."
 
Lebron said:
Nah, it's a trap
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its-a-trap-what-happens-when-advertisers-dont-meet-twitters-spending-quotas.jpg


it's a trap
 
CarpeDeezNutz said:
Short answer no, would not take them back but for curiosity sake,

How long the relationship and how many times the cheating?

Why does the person want you back? Why do you think this person wants you back?
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9 years, not sure maybe 2 or 3.
Claims shes just deeply in love, over and over. I know she does, truly, yet, I am incredibly angry about the things in the past. Also, it's extremely difficult to even address these issues. The bigger problem is because of issues with anxiety at certain points in the relationship, I never had the balls to confront her at the time. It made me a bitter miserable person, not being tough enough to just talk about these things with her, I was extremely insecure. Now, I'm much better about it, yet I do have strong feelings for her. All of this feels terrible, I have trouble trusting her, but she does everthing in her power to tell me she loves me more than anything in this world.
 
I think it's possible only if enough time has elapsed and both parties are completely different people. In short, it wouldn't be a salvage job,but a completely new relationship.
 
It's possible for people to change but if you can't trust someone there's no point in being in a relationship with them.
 
Nope, the trust is gone, especially if it's a repeat offence. I've been through this shit before and if you're second guessing whether you should carry on with this person, that's a good sign that there's too much water under the bridge. If you stick it out you're going to be miserable and paranoid until it all boils over or you find out they've cheated again.

It will suck in the short term to have to end it, but in the long term it is totally worth it.
 
I did. We had been together over 3 years already. 4 years later I am glad I did. We have never been better. It was a lot of work to repair the damage, but its possible for the right person. Even good people can make mistakes.

Edit: I also understand that the odds were not in my favor and that we were the exception. You have to truly still trust and believe the person.
 
Poindexter said:
I did. We had been together over 3 years already. 4 years later I am glad I did. We have never been better. It was a lot of work to repair the damage, but its possible for the right person. Even good people can make mistakes.
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So you know for sure she's never cheated again?
 
la flama blanca said:
9 years, not sure maybe 2 or 3.
Claims shes just deeply in love, over and over. I know she does, truly, yet, I am incredibly angry about the things in the past. Also, it's extremely difficult to even address these issues. The bigger problem is because of issues with anxiety at certain points in the relationship, I never had the balls to confront her at the time. It made me a bitter miserable person, not being tough enough to just talk about these things with her, I was extremely insecure. Now, I'm much better about it, yet I do have strong feelings for her. All of this feels terrible, I have trouble trusting her, but she does everthing in her power to tell me she loves me more than anything in this world.
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So 2 or 3 times in 9 years? As near objectively and honestly as you can think about this, what do you think triggered her cheating? Getting close to marriage or engagement talk? I got cheated on by a girl who I thought loved me because of engagement talk and it was her way out.

You think she might not be doing so good out there on her own and misses the security she had/has with you two's relationship? This might be hard to hear but she might know she has you wrapped around her finger and with a bit of prodding take her back.

Also, are you seeing anyone? Have you dated anyone or are you on hold in a way for her?




PaulExcellent said:
Nooooooooooope.
We tried, but I couldn't trust her.
I ended up being right and she got caught cheating again, so I "won".
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Ugh this "I win" shit, can poison trust but sucks hard when you are right.
 
Don't buy the BS she's selling. She can tell you all she wants how much she loves you, but she certainly hasn't shown it. Two, what is redeeming about someone that's cheated on you multiple times? Three, you gotta have some self-respect here. I don't understand why you'd want to even be friends with someone like this.

In all honesty, the fact you're even considering this shows you have serious self-esteem problems...Hell, her treatment of you sure didn't help things, but I doubt that's the cause. Regardless, you should meet with a counselor and start to work on this, if you haven't already.

Remember, the more you sell yourself out in a relationship, the harder it is when it ends. This advice rings true to the core. It's tough to let go of her because she's fucked you over in the past and you've gone against your better judgment. It's a vicious cycle, but you can break it. This isn't a person you want as a friend, much less as a romantic partner. Find someone you'll be excited and happy with, not someone you'll be suspicious of and who you'll never be able to truly trust. She most likely wants to break up with you on her terms in the future so she doesn't feel badly about herself, that way she can justify what happened. Thinking-"It just didn't work", feels and sounds a lot better than-"I cheated on my partner and I was cause of the failure of the relationship plus I hurt someone I cared for deeply with little regard for how they'd feel."
 
RELIGHT said:
So you know for sure she's never cheated again?
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yes. I knew when she did because of how different she became. I would notice again. But even more important is that I dont have the need to snoop because we were able to rebuild trust. There's only so long that you can bash your brain in while going through her emails before you realize she's not actually doing anything and now you are harming the relationship.

I know what most gaffers will say and think but *shrug*.
 
I can see why some people would say yes and other say no. It really comes down to the reason why people were unfaithful.

I had a sex addiction for a good 5 years and only now seeking the help I need to treat it. I am happier, don't cheat, and enjoy the person I am with 1000 times more. Find out why they cheated and if it doesn't make sense then move on. Because if they cannot be honest with themselves they will never be honest with you.
 
Coming off of just breaking up with my gf after she fucked 4 dudes in a span of 2 weeks and denied it to my face with evidence backing me up, no. She admitted to 1 and will probably never admit to the others. Shes spinning this to her friends as the best thing, so she really had no problem doing it and would again.

Just before this she admitted to making out with her friends roommate and it meant nothing and I shouldnt think anything of it. I asked her if she did anything else and she said no, all the while she was fucking guys behind my back. She lied to my face over and over and when she admitted to it, she wanted forgiveness like it was no big deal.
 
My mom and stepdad have. Was to the point where I had to help move everything that was hers out of his house. This was I think about 9 years ago? They're happy together to this day.
 
She's telling me to simply just forgive her for it and she wont talk about it because it hurts her too much. I wan't to talk about it, but she doesnt want to.
 
la flama blanca said:
Has anyone ever managed to salvage or rebuild a relationship that has a history of infidelity with someone they were involved for a lengthy period of time? If someone tried their best to really show you they love you, but has a history of lying and being untrustworthy, would you take them back?
Click to expand...
What does their best mean?
I'd ask for $5,000.
 
la flama blanca said:
She's telling me to simply just forgive her for it and she wont talk about it because it hurts her too much. I wan't to talk about it, but she doesnt want to.
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You definitely have to talk about all this with her. If she is unwilling to open up and talk now, that would raise a giant red flag for me.
 
is she really better, or she just thinks she is until she feels low and needs to look outside of the relationship again?

question you have to ask yourself. you can't answer though, more of a chance to be taken or not.


edit: if she can't at least walk you through the valley, so you understand what happened and why, it's done. If she just wants to let bygones be bygones, what's the point? What's so special about you that she needs to come back when she already decided she wanted someone else and you have both moved on? If she can't answer that, then I don't think it bodes well for her or your future together.
 
la flama blanca said:
says its in the past, and to just forget about it. Like it's that simple. All I want to do is talk about it at least.
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She wants you to consider her feelings while ignoring your own. She did this to you, and guess what? She considered her own feelings while ignoring yours.

See what's wrong here?
 
la flama blanca said:
says its in the past, and to just forget about it. Like it's that simple. All I want to do is talk about it at least.
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Yeah, she would like that. "Just forget about it." She doesn't want to take responsibility. She wants you to shoulder all the pain and heartbreak while she gets a free pass. Fuck that.

She made a mistake. If I were you, I'd break it off as cleanly as possible. You'll find someone better in the future. That's life.
 
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