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[la flama blanca]

OP it is possible to fix things but one of the key ingredients is communication. Who what when why etc... the two of you have to be honest about desires with each other etc... Since you can't even speak about it neither of you will grow from it. Toss the baby out with the bath water on this one. how old are you two btw?

We are nearing 30. I know, that I have been really insecure and very much a pushover for so long. She honestly made it extremely difficult to talk to her about it, even as much as placing blame on me for breaking up with her after finding out. She never came to me, it was me finding out on my own and then getting blamed for hacking her accounts. She's even gone as far as threatening to kill herself. At this point almost all of you probably just read that and either laughed or decided to pass me off as some dope, but I also have issues as well. I had a fucked up childhood, with everything I know about relationships being my father accusing my mother of cheating and seeing physical violence to no end. Thankfully, I'm not like my father, but what has made me so vulnerable to making these bad decisions is the effort this girl puts into making me take her back. She plays it up really big, and I do believe that she loves me, but obviously doesn't respect me. I feel awful for not really putting my foot down earlier and just breaking it off DAY 1, but I was going through a lot of shit with anxiety and depression and opted for "pill with harsh side effects". It's honestly difficult to think otherwise when you have major insecurity issues, but at the same time I do know that this isn't an ideal situation and would reflect poorly on how I feel about myself in the future.

 

[The Maverick]

We are nearing 30. I know, that I have been really insecure and very much a pushover for so long. She honestly made it extremely difficult to talk to her about it, even as much as placing blame on me for breaking up with her after finding out. She never came to me, it was me finding out on my own and then getting blamed for hacking her accounts. She's even gone as far as threatening to kill herself. At this point almost all of you probably just read that and either laughed or decided to pass me off as some dope, but I also have issues as well. I had a fucked up childhood, with everything I know about relationships being my father accusing my mother of cheating and seeing physical violence to no end. Thankfully, I'm not like my father, but what has made me so vulnerable to making these bad decisions is the effort this girl puts into making me take her back. She plays it up really big, and I do believe that she loves me, but obviously doesn't respect me. I feel awful for not really putting my foot down earlier and just breaking it off DAY 1, but I was going through a lot of shit with anxiety and depression and opted for "pill with harsh side effects". It's honestly difficult to think otherwise when you have major insecurity issues, but at the same time I do know that this isn't an ideal situation and would reflect poorly on how I feel about myself in the future.

Dude, forget this girl and get your life together. Threatening to kill herself and you're still considering it? Are you serious? Get some self respect and find someone who can care about you as much as you do. Because she obviously did not.

Also, for future reference, if the relationship is at the point where you feel the need to check her online accounts, you should break it off. Save yourself the stress. You're closing in on 30, my friend. You can do better.

 

[Marc13]

Ultimately, do what you want.

Learn from mistakes and figure things out. You can take all the advice you want but in the end it's you that have to make the decision.

If you want to try again, then try again. If not, find someone else.

We all have problems and issues from the past.

Personally, no, I would not take back a cheater. I have my reason as does everyone else.

Others will, however, take back a cheater. Can it work? Sure, anything's possible. People can change.

Just stop torturing yourself on what do to.

 

[IISANDERII]

We are nearing 30. I know, that I have been really insecure and very much a pushover for so long. She honestly made it extremely difficult to talk to her about it, even as much as placing blame on me for breaking up with her after finding out. She never came to me, it was me finding out on my own and then getting blamed for hacking her accounts. She's even gone as far as threatening to kill herself. At this point almost all of you probably just read that and either laughed or decided to pass me off as some dope, but I also have issues as well. I had a fucked up childhood, with everything I know about relationships being my father accusing my mother of cheating and seeing physical violence to no end. Thankfully, I'm not like my father, but what has made me so vulnerable to making these bad decisions is the effort this girl puts into making me take her back. She plays it up really big, and I do believe that she loves me, but obviously doesn't respect me. I feel awful for not really putting my foot down earlier and just breaking it off DAY 1, but I was going through a lot of shit with anxiety and depression and opted for "pill with harsh side effects". It's honestly difficult to think otherwise when you have major insecurity issues, but at the same time I do know that this isn't an ideal situation and would reflect poorly on how I feel about myself in the future.

By staying with her you're feeding into your own insecurities as youre willingly and concsiously accepting your role as doormat, allowing yourself to be easily controlled and manipulated by her because there's zero indication she's changing.
If you're ok with that, then continue and make sure you know things will continue as-is, which is worse & worse as you already know. Sure the betrayal may stop for a while, but it'll begin again.

If you're not ok with it, don't post those pitiable excuses.

 

[gogosox8]

We are nearing 30. I know, that I have been really insecure and very much a pushover for so long. She honestly made it extremely difficult to talk to her about it, even as much as placing blame on me for breaking up with her after finding out. She never came to me, it was me finding out on my own and then getting blamed for hacking her accounts. She's even gone as far as threatening to kill herself. At this point almost all of you probably just read that and either laughed or decided to pass me off as some dope, but I also have issues as well. I had a fucked up childhood, with everything I know about relationships being my father accusing my mother of cheating and seeing physical violence to no end. Thankfully, I'm not like my father, but what has made me so vulnerable to making these bad decisions is the effort this girl puts into making me take her back. She plays it up really big, and I do believe that she loves me, but obviously doesn't respect me. I feel awful for not really putting my foot down earlier and just breaking it off DAY 1, but I was going through a lot of shit with anxiety and depression and opted for "pill with harsh side effects". It's honestly difficult to think otherwise when you have major insecurity issues, but at the same time I do know that this isn't an ideal situation and would reflect poorly on how I feel about myself in the future.

So she's really not sorry at all, she's just sorry she got caught. And I know you care about her but man she sounds like an asshole and not worth the time honestly. Blaming you for her infidelity? That's just fucked up on so many levels that its honestly hard to believe that you would even consider taking her back. She's doing this stuff b/c you let her get away with treating you like shit. Tell her to fuck off and go and see a counselor about your issues. You seem to have an issue with confrontation that stems from your childhood. It may help to talk to a counselor/psychologist to help you with your issues. Like I said in my previous post, you can't let someone walk all over you like this in a relationship and its not healthy to be in a relationship with someone who has this little respect for you and she has absolutely no respect for you. If you take her back, she will cheat on you again so I think you should tell her its done and try and move on with your life.

 

[Insaniac]

Rebuilding the trust would be much too difficult and not worth the time, effort and the possiblity of having that trust broken again

 

[backflip10019]

I've always found that it's easier to move on. The same insecurities that either of you hold will still be there if you were to get back together. It seems like it's not worth the heartbreak down the line to go through all that again.

 

[Kano on the Phone]

Most long term relationships are going to have some cheating going on, whether it's one partner or both, so just finding someone new doesn't mean you're safe from being cheated on and staying with her doesn't mean she'll cheat again.

That said, her not being willing to talk about it is a much bigger red flag than the cheating. I'd worry that she isn't emotionally mature enough to be as serious as you sound like you want to be.

We are nearing 30. I know, that I have been really insecure and very much a pushover for so long. She honestly made it extremely difficult to talk to her about it, even as much as placing blame on me for breaking up with her after finding out. She never came to me, it was me finding out on my own and then getting blamed for hacking her accounts. She's even gone as far as threatening to kill herself. At this point almost all of you probably just read that and either laughed or decided to pass me off as some dope, but I also have issues as well. I had a fucked up childhood, with everything I know about relationships being my father accusing my mother of cheating and seeing physical violence to no end. Thankfully, I'm not like my father, but what has made me so vulnerable to making these bad decisions is the effort this girl puts into making me take her back. She plays it up really big, and I do believe that she loves me, but obviously doesn't respect me. I feel awful for not really putting my foot down earlier and just breaking it off DAY 1, but I was going through a lot of shit with anxiety and depression and opted for "pill with harsh side effects". It's honestly difficult to think otherwise when you have major insecurity issues, but at the same time I do know that this isn't an ideal situation and would reflect poorly on how I feel about myself in the future.

Yeah no.

 

[B.O.O.M]

Sorry mate but I have to go with a big NO on this one.

We are nearing 30. I know, that I have been really insecure and very much a pushover for so long. She honestly made it extremely difficult to talk to her about it, even as much as placing blame on me for breaking up with her after finding out. She never came to me, it was me finding out on my own and then getting blamed for hacking her accounts. She's even gone as far as threatening to kill herself. At this point almost all of you probably just read that and either laughed or decided to pass me off as some dope, but I also have issues as well. I had a fucked up childhood, with everything I know about relationships being my father accusing my mother of cheating and seeing physical violence to no end. Thankfully, I'm not like my father, but what has made me so vulnerable to making these bad decisions is the effort this girl puts into making me take her back. She plays it up really big, and I do believe that she loves me, but obviously doesn't respect me. I feel awful for not really putting my foot down earlier and just breaking it off DAY 1, but I was going through a lot of shit with anxiety and depression and opted for "pill with harsh side effects". It's honestly difficult to think otherwise when you have major insecurity issues, but at the same time I do know that this isn't an ideal situation and would reflect poorly on how I feel about myself in the future.

Dude..just no. I don't care if she is learning how to fly or some shit to show how much she wants you. Have some self respect. Say No. And stop being all buddy buddy with her if it keeps coming back to this. It's not healthy. You'll be fine

 

[HappyBivouac]

We are nearing 30. I know, that I have been really insecure and very much a pushover for so long. She honestly made it extremely difficult to talk to her about it, even as much as placing blame on me for breaking up with her after finding out. She never came to me, it was me finding out on my own and then getting blamed for hacking her accounts. She's even gone as far as threatening to kill herself. At this point almost all of you probably just read that and either laughed or decided to pass me off as some dope, but I also have issues as well. I had a fucked up childhood, with everything I know about relationships being my father accusing my mother of cheating and seeing physical violence to no end. Thankfully, I'm not like my father, but what has made me so vulnerable to making these bad decisions is the effort this girl puts into making me take her back. She plays it up really big, and I do believe that she loves me, but obviously doesn't respect me. I feel awful for not really putting my foot down earlier and just breaking it off DAY 1, but I was going through a lot of shit with anxiety and depression and opted for "pill with harsh side effects". It's honestly difficult to think otherwise when you have major insecurity issues, but at the same time I do know that this isn't an ideal situation and would reflect poorly on how I feel about myself in the future.

Yeah fuck this shit. Put everything to do with her behind you and move on with your life. Find yourself and don't rely on a relationship to be your compass in life. Then when you do love again it will be 100 times more whole and fulfilling.

 

[Symphonia]

Has anyone ever managed to salvage or rebuild a relationship that has a history of infidelity with someone they were involved for a lengthy period of time? If someone tried their best to really show you they love you, but has a history of lying and being untrustworthy, would you take them back?

No.

A leopard can't change it's spots.

 

[Cow Mengde]

 

[Freezasaurus]

Has anyone ever managed to salvage or rebuild a relationship that has a history of infidelity with someone they were involved for a lengthy period of time? If someone tried their best to really show you they love you, but has a history of lying and being untrustworthy, would you take them back?

Ugh. She'll probably do it again. But if you really like her, I would give her just one more shot just in case it was "a mistake" or whatever bullshit she fed you. Just don't expect things to work out any differently. If she doesn't do it again, awesome. But if she hops on the next dick that looks appealing, GET OUT.

 

[reaver18]

No. My ex cheated on me two months ago and I broke up with her. I loved her and she broke my heart. Slowly, with time you will heal.

If she did it once, who's to say she won't again.

 

[LaMagenta]

This is something I'm going through right now. Everyone will try to give you advice based on their experiences, but only you can make that decision. I was cheated before and eventually I finally had to let go. It took me a long time to get over it, but I'm glad I did. Now that I am in my 30s and ready to settle down with the love of my life, I am faced with a great deal of agony and pain since I found my bf recently created an online dating profile and proposed a few women. The facts: the account was inactive by the time I found it and there were no replies to his messages. So I believe he regretted doing it the moment he sent the message and deactivated the account. However, I am left thinking and believing that this isn't the first time, and it is just a step closer to going a little bit further next time. Like someone else mentioned on this thread, actions speak louder than words. Pay attention to what he is doing not just saying. Chances are your partner has as many doubts and is as confused as you are. My bf immediately suggested we do couples counseling and he will attend some on his own too. We have moved quickly on setting up therapy. Why am I willing to make it work? Because I realize we weren't happy for awhile and there are things I could work on as well. Also, he didn't actually cheat (i hope) so I know I can heal faster and move past this. I do fear that in the end it won't work out either way. From what I hear, this happens a lot...apparently. This will most likely happen with your next relationship because people make mistakes. Because people are insecure. Because people are stupid. The point is, did they really learn from this? Did they really realize what they had? Until this happened, I also felt like maybe I didn't love him. Sometimes you have to lose something to really know what you have. But, if he does it again...that's another story.

 

[la flama blanca]

Hello Gaf, sorry for the bump. Just wanted to thank some of you users for enlightening me with good advice. Sometimes it's not easy to see things clearly when you're riddled with insecurities and fear. I realize now that I was making a big mistake and even more so, this girl has proven to be the most compulsive liar I have ever met. Honestly, just pure crazyness and thankfully we are no longer together. Wasted a huge chunk of my life so far with this person, it's quite sad. Now on to what I hope are bigger and better things(I like bigger butts anyway). Thanks again nickels!