ALRIGHT ALRIGHT OKAY LET'S GO.
YOU FOLKS KNOW I HATE STALIN. NEVER MET THE GUY, BUT HIS NAME'S REAL GOOFY, EH. LIKE GOOFY FROM GOOF TROOP.
ANYWAY, WHAT KIND OF PERFORMANCE WAS THAT FROM TEAM CANADA IN THE FIRST PERIOD, EH? THE BIG ICE IS DEFINITELY MAKIN' A DIFFERENCE AN' YOU KNOW THESE FINNS ARE TAKIN' ADVANTAGE OF HAVIN' THE EXPERIENCE, EH. WHAT'S UP WITH THESE EUROPEAN COUNTRIES AN' HAVIN' A BIGGER ICE THAN US CANADIANS, EH. THEY COMPENSATIN' FOR BEIN' SISSIES, OR SOMETHIN'? YOU KNOW, I HEARD A RUSSIAN SAY THAT "BIG ICE" MEANS "COMMUNISM", EH. WE CANADIANS AIN'T COMMIES.
LOOK AT THESE FINNS AN' THEIR FUNNY NAME: "NORGE" - WHAT'S THAT MEAN? "VISOR WEARIN' EUROS"? DISGUSTIN'. NOT LIKE US CANADIANS WITH OUR NAME SPELLED IN ENGLISH, NOT FINNESE OR WHATEVER THEY SPEAK IN FINLAND.
AND WHAT'S WITH THE OFFSIDES? I SWEAR THESE REFS ARE CALLIN' IT HARD, EH. YOU GOT SOME LEEWAY IN THE NHL, 'CAUSE WE'RE GOOD CANADIANS LIKE THAT, BUT WHAT ABOUT THESE EUROPEAN REFS, EH. COMMUNISM MUSTA GOTTEN TO 'EM BY NOW, EH.
NOW LET ME TELL YOU KIDS A STORY: I WAS IN THE BATHROOM WASHIN' MY HANDS, WHEN I SAW FINLAND IN THE BATHROOM STALL - NOW, THESE FINNS LIKE EMBARRASSIN' THEMSELVES, SO THEY DIDN'T PUT A DOOR ON THEIR STALL - ANYWAY, I WAS WATCHIN' 'EM CRAM IN THE "BIG" STALL - YOU KNOW, WITH THE SYMBOL WITH THE LITTLE GUY SITTIN' ON A LETTER C - AN' STARTED HOTDOGGIN' PUCKS IN THERE. BOY I WAS REAL STEAMED. TEAM CANADA BURST IN, STUFFED THEMSELVES INSIDE A REGULAR STALL, ATTACHED A DOOR ON IT, AN' JUST LEFT IT OPEN. WHAT DID THEY DO IN THERE? NOTHIN'. JUST SAT AN' SANG THE NATIONAL ANTHEM, EH. THEY ALL REMINDED ME OF BOBBY ORR, GOD LOVE 'EM.