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[Venom Snake]

There is a reason why you made this decision.

You know yourself better than any prick who will lecture you on the morality of your actions.

Sometimes it's better to stop something your sense of responsibility can't handle, instead of spending the rest of your life troubleshooting the mess it can cause.

You've grown up to take on this challenge fully consciously, you've done the right thing and don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it, ever.

Whatever speaks to you from the inside, use it to be the best father you can possibly be, now it's the only thing that counts.

 

[Amiga]

Maybe you're not part of a society considering such things, but you are on a forum with people from all over the world with disparate views and backgrounds. If someone doesn't share your religious beliefs they aren't going to care about what you have to say from your specific religious perspective, therefore it is both selfish and pointless to preach to them.

That response was about the "open an abortion clinic" comeback. Was just messaging that such trigger attempts don't bother me.

The disparate views and backgrounds are actually what I appreciate about GAF. In a discussion such as this I felt it important to present my view as I honestly believe it.

The OP has been open to the various opinions. As a person who faced guilt for many things I can't change in my life the selfish thing for me would have been to stay silent. Turning the dismissal of heavy events into a habit would take a large toll on ones self. I genuinely feel that the OP is heading in a positive direction.

 

[funkygunther]

As I mentioned before your child is innocent in with Gods infinite mercy. Consider that you can still meet your first child and be the father you could have. Your story with it is not yet finished.

This is you trying to speak definitively over something you know nothing about, trying to add extra guilt to the OP based on nothing but your adherence to religion. If you actually had compassion you would have read that OP doesn't care about your Abrahamic faith and left your preaching out of it.

As it is the word "abortion" simply triggers an automatic response from you because of your conditioning. You can't ever care or listen to an individual's plight that way, because your answer is always louder than the question.

 

[Deleted member 1159]

Sometimes I wonder what life would’ve been like if my mom hadn’t miscarried a younger sibling than me. I wouldn’t be the youngest, for better or worse.

My mom probably would’ve left her job to be a full time mom, and my dad probably would’ve stayed at a high paying job rather than set out on his own for a fraction of the money…life would’ve been totally different. They were talking about moving before the pregnancy self terminated. It would’ve been maybe better, maybe worse. There’s no way to know. What I do know is: when I play the game of imagining what I would’ve gone back and done differently in my life, I come back to the conclusion that doing it differently would mean destroying the life I have with my wife and kids now. Maybe I can imagine a life that’s better than with my kids now, but to blink them out of existence because of some hypothetical better path makes me sick to my stomach. I wouldn’t change a thing about my kids. To change my life prior to them would obviously mean doing just that. Your actual children really change your perspective on your past and help you come to peace with it, warts and all. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with an early abortion. That decision was pain free then and gave you the life and child you have now. Embrace it.

A potential child wasn’t an actual child. Your actual child wouldn’t be, were it not for that previous decision. Embrace your child and all the steps in life that brought him or her to you. And for god’s sake, take pictures and videos of the laughter and milestones and look back on them as they grow, because it’s the sweetest thing life has to offer

 

[FunkMiller]

The OP has been open to the various opinions. As a person who faced guilt for many things I can't change in my life the selfish thing for me would have been to stay silent. Turning the dismissal of heavy events into a habit would take a large toll on ones self. I genuinely feel that the OP is heading in a positive direction.

So, you feel guilty about the things you’ve done, so you think everyone should feel equally guilty about their actions. That’s what you really mean.

Your religion makes you hate yourself. And other people therefore have to hate themselves too, regardless of their beliefs. It’s such a shame you can’t see what you’re actually doing, and an even bigger shame that your belief prevents you from exercising any kind of self reflection.

And the OP headed in a positive direction when he and his partner decided to have the abortion. Because they didn’t bring a child into this world at the wrong time for them - or for the rest of us.

Funny how all you religious types care so much about a bunch of cells… and don’t care at all about what happens to the child after it’s actually born.

 

[Banjo64]

Mods please do close the thread if you think its inappropriate, but I cant really share this with anyone personally in my life.

Just before my marriage my then fiancé got pregnant and we decided to abort very early in pregnancy. We were not ready and not married so at that time it seemed right decision and I didnt think much about it. Probably forgot about it in a day or two after it was done.

Now my wife is pregnant and we are about to have a baby and ever since she got pregnant and I started going mentally in 'becoming father' zone, I cant help but think about the abortion. More and more it weighs on me, as if we made a terrible mistake. I keep thinking about it. Today I was watching a movie and there was an ultrasound going on in a scene and I again started thinking about it and then somehow started crying. I cried so hard. I couldnt believe it. I was saying sorry to the baby/fetus as if that would change anything.

I still dont know if the decision was wrong or right, but what I do know is that it weighs so heavy and maybe forever will.

Has this happened to any of you? Can anyone relate. Anything will help.

Brother.

I can’t go in to details, but whenever I think about the past rationalising it like this is the only thing that helps:

‘If X had not happened, I would not have my current sons’

It is hard to explain to anyone else, but it still hurts because it is the son I will never meet.

Much love and good look to you both

 

[Amiga]

Your religion makes you hate yourself. And other people therefore have to hate themselves too, regardless of their beliefs. It’s such a shame you can’t see what you’re actually doing, and an even bigger shame that your belief prevents you from exercising any kind of self reflection.

Projecting malice where there was non speaks more about the accuser. Such comment's can bring shame to no one.

Non of the religious advocates I've read on this conversation have been hateful. On the contrary the few of us that have spoken expressed our care. While each spoke from our own different belief, we didn't push our brand. The sanctity of life is a common value across different faiths. And knowing the spirit of the child lives on in peace should help bring comfort.

 

[funkygunther]

Projecting malice where there was non speaks more about the accuser. Such comment's can bring shame to no one.

Non of the religious advocates I've read on this conversation have been hateful. On the contrary the few of us that have spoken expressed our care. While each spoke from our own different belief, we didn't push our brand. The sanctity of life is a common value across different faiths. And knowing the spirit of the child lives on in peace should help bring comfort.

Indeed, projecting your religion when it was uncalled for and irrelevant. Speaks much of the accuser I agree.

And you all pushed your brand by quoting the Quran and the Bible. What a dumb attempt at gaslighting.

 

[FunkMiller]

Projecting malice where there was non speaks more about the accuser. Such comment's can bring shame to no one.

Non of the religious advocates I've read on this conversation have been hateful. On the contrary the few of us that have spoken expressed our care. While each spoke from our own different belief, we didn't push our brand. The sanctity of life is a common value across different faiths. And knowing the spirit of the child lives on in peace should help bring comfort.

What do you call entering into a thread that had nothing to do with religious belief, and pedalling that religious belief to someone who didn't ask for it?

The fact that you lack the emotional intelligence to realise that accusing someone of murder - when that is absolutely not what happened - is wrong and hateful, is telling of your particular mentality.

 

[Amiga]

..when that is absolutely not what happened..

This is a different conversation we can have elsewhere if want. In a thread where you don't use the OPs personal experience to attack others of different opinions.

 

[FunkMiller]

This is a different conversation we can have elsewhere if want. In a thread where you don't use the OPs personal experience to attack others of different opinions.

Nah, you're good. I know what you think.

 

[Tams]

Projecting malice where there was non speaks more about the accuser. Such comment's can bring shame to no one.

Non of the religious advocates I've read on this conversation have been hateful. On the contrary the few of us that have spoken expressed our care. While each spoke from our own different belief, we didn't push our brand. The sanctity of life is a common value across different faiths. And knowing the spirit of the child lives on in peace should help bring comfort.

You don't care about people like the OP, nor the upbringing of the potential unwanted/unprepared for child though.

You don't care that such children often grow up in disfunctional, abusive even, homes. Or with well-meaning parents who can't financially and/or emotionally support the child.

No. It's all about you. You and your stories that you expect us to live by and treat as real.

 

[funkygunther]

This is a different conversation we can have elsewhere if want. In a thread where you don't use the OPs personal experience to attack others of different opinions.

This is a bold but welcome revelation, I think we can see some progress. Have you discussed with your Imam that you think your religion is a matter of opinion?

 

[Morrie’s wig shop]

It’s hard when your young and have kids, not everyone can do it. Working shitty jobs, living paycheck to pay check. Still asking my parents for money to pay the bills to get food on the table.

My girlfriend was 19 when she got pregnant, then we had another one when she was 23. It’s one of the driving forces for joining the Army.

But it was all totally worth it in the end.
I’m only 45 with two adult children 23 and 20. The oldest is a civil engineer/ architect and my youngest just finished his sophomore year in college while on the deans list.

Yeah I’m divorced for over 10 years now and being in the Army and wanting to be Rambo during wartime ment I was absent a lot during thier younger years and she finally left cause I was never around during that time.

But in the end I’m glad it all happened when I was young, dumb and full of cum.

I got friends in my age group who are having their first kids now cause they wanted to be financially secured, but I don’t think it’s worth it. I don’t want to be that dude in his 50s dropping his first kid off at daycare

For you and your wife’s reasons for the abortion when you guys were young is nobody’s business.
If you guys feel it was a sound reason then it was.
You feeling guilty or sorrow is a good thing, it shows your a human with empathy and legitimately have feelings.

Not to go off the rails to much but I believe when we leave this plain of existence we continue on to move freely through this universe as we please and they’ll be there waiting for you and your wife when you guys get there with open arms.

I can tell you a heartbreaking and over joyous story about a friend of mine who had an abortion 30 years ago and a recent reading with a physic over the phone. Unbelievable

 

[sono]

as you get older your values change. Probably easiest route for you is to accept that. Put it in a small box and pack it away, move on.

The past is in the past, look forward and plan for the future.

 

[Dr. Claus]

Projecting malice where there was non speaks more about the accuser. Such comment's can bring shame to no one.

Non of the religious advocates I've read on this conversation have been hateful. On the contrary the few of us that have spoken expressed our care. While each spoke from our own different belief, we didn't push our brand. The sanctity of life is a common value across different faiths. And knowing the spirit of the child lives on in peace should help bring comfort.

This is literally what you did by telling him he should feel guilty.
'
I don't give two shits about one's religion, personal views, etc - just don't be a dick. What you did was super dickish.

 

[Rentahamster]

In a thread where you don't use the OPs personal experience to attack others of different opinions.

You: "Don't attack others!"
Also you: Casually accuses an innocent person of murder.

I hope you can see the irony here.

 

[kittoo]

I can tell you a heartbreaking and over joyous story about a friend of mine who had an abortion 30 years ago and a recent reading with a physic over the phone. Unbelievable

I am very interested in hearing this out, even if I find it hard to believe on psychics. Please do tell

 

[ÆMNE22A!C]

My heart goes out to you.

We all makes choices we sometimes end up regretting in a very intense way.... I know that very well myself...

Perhaps now your becoming a father your (sub)conscious releases a lot of buried emotions, thoughts, ....

Sorry, I haven't been in your situation so what do i know...

Wish you and your wife the best

❤

 

[simpatico]

I know two women who've had abortions and both have very strong PTSD from them. It's on their minds daily from the moment they wake up. Both cases are greater than 10 years passed. Sad stuff. There's really nothing I can say to comfort either of them. Now for me, I don't care at all if abortion is legal or illegal, but in my personal life I would urge most people against it (assuming it's not a pregnancy brought about by some terrible act).

OP, all you can do steer into fatherhood with the one that's on the way. I hope you're able to be at peace with your decision. Don't talk yourself out of the guilt, but rather try to repent by doing more for the children you have. Just IMO of course.

 

[Amiga]

..the upbringing of the potential unwanted/unprepared for child though.

 

[Morrie’s wig shop]

I am very interested in hearing this out, even if I find it hard to believe on psychics. Please do tell

I’m so sorry for the delay.

So my girlfriend and I have a close friend, and for her birthday she got her this psychic reading for this women in Tarrytown/Sleepy Hollow. We’re not far from there we’re across the border in Connecticut. Let me reiterate that everyone and thier mother in the Hudson Valley to include the city and New England think they are a witch. I jest, I love up here.

So she gets into her vehicle to do the reading and explains that she doing it in the car through Bluetooth. They do there introductions and nothing is said for a few seconds and the friend says hello? thinking the call dropped.
The psychic says “oh, I wasn’t sure if you wanted your little girl with you while we do this’ and the friend is confused and she said “my little girl? But my daughters are in thier 20s’
And turn the psychic says “ the little girls name is Annie and she’s 4 years old and she wants you to know that she is always with you and that she’ll be there when she comes home and she loves you”
Of course the friend spiraled into hysteria of agony and grief and guilt every known emotion. The aborted baby was named Annie and the friend has always pictured her as a 4 to 5 year old for all of time.
Her and her boyfriend who she had the abortion with ended up getting married and have 4 children who are all adults and they are still married.

In the end, you need to expel the guilt away and live a healthy guilt free life for your future children.

 

[Dev1lXYZ]

An old woman in my family lay on her death bed asking if we can see the little girl in the room. No one can. As the days pass, she realized who it was and became very sorrowful. She informed us that she had an abortion in the 60’s and this was that girl. It sent shockwaves through my family because she was a preacher’s wife and this was never spoken of to anyone.

Could it have been a hallucination? People do like to let all the guilt out before they pass. I don’t know.

 

[Putonahappyface]

You know every time you jerked off on your bedsheets you murdered a kid right? You think your God is going to let that slide? No. He ain't. You better get on your knees and start praying buddy. Every time you wiped your dick you took a life and your God is going to hold you responsible.

When the realisation kicks in, that you've been a mass murderer since the age of thirteen.

 

[Winter John]

 

[bluecowboys]

I'm personally okay with abortions if it happens before the baby has a conscious. Late term abortion I'm against majority of the time with some exceptions. This thread kind of reminds me of a movie I just seen.

 

[Azelover]

Don't torture yourself for doing it. Having a baby needs to be planned IMO.

That said. If you're not actively trying to start a pregnancy, use a condom for Christ's sake. Or look for other forms of birth Control.