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[Stumpokapow]

http://grantland.com/hollywood-prospectus/2015-fall-tv-preview-burn-it-all-down/

This is the worst fall season in modern television history, and I don’t believe it’s close. After a riveting summer of breathtaking innovation and deep-seated pleasure, the four broadcast networks — that’s ABC,1 CBS, NBC, and Fox for those from other planets and/or under the age of 25 — approach our couches not as swaggering colossi back to reclaim their rightful place in the culture but rather as broken, humbled giants... Now they know their time is up — or at least diminished. And that depressing realization has seeped into every decision on display this fall...

I don’t even need a word to sum up the fall 2015 broadcast slate, not when an emoticon will do: ¯\_(&#12484_/¯. This is the sorriest collection of recycled ideas, neutered groupthink, and depressing mediocrity I’ve ever seen. You have to understand: I’m not just saying nothing is good. I’m also saying nothing is even the slightest bit compelling. Or interesting. Or unique. Or even bad in a Put On Your Sunglasses, David Caruso, and Take a Look at That Car Crash sort of way. These shows are the empty, halfhearted shrugs of decaying empires that have no idea what viewers want anymore — and have committed the full force of their not-inconsiderable assets to proving it.

NBC, once the crown jewel of comedy brands, has but one new sitcom on its fall schedule and it’s Truth Be Told, a shrieking, “black guys drive like this” megabomb that is unlikely to survive long enough to smell Thanksgiving turkey let alone taste it

Even CBS — stalwart, dependable CBS — is giving its cushiest time slot (after The Big Bang Theory) to Life in Pieces, a hideous Modern Family clone that opens with a joke about the way post-pregnancy vaginas look like the Predator. None of this screams confidence, let alone competence.

this fall’s pilots simply aren’t wired to think long term. How could they be, with their slavish devotion to logic-distracting pyrotechnics, to sex in the first 10 minutes, to a general, clattering cacophony of ludicrous hooey? I’m not unsympathetic here: It’s hard to manufacture old-fashioned love in a Tinder economy. But the bulk of these new shows are so uninspiring I didn’t even have the energy to fast-forward them. Mostly, I just wanted to swipe left.

Click through to see the individual shows he highlighted, which he groups into the categories "OK, fine" "OK?" and "UGH"

Bonus, his opinion on ABC's Quantico:

God, I hated every second of this phony, self-important pilot, and, worse, I hated every obvious reason it was made. Quantico is, in effect, the Shonda Rhimes version of Homeland, though Shonda herself has nothing to do with it. It’s about Alex Parrish, an attractive FBI rookie (played well enough by former Miss World Priyanka Chopra) who wakes up dazed and confused in the smoldering rubble of Grand Central Station. In order to solve the crime — and clear her own name — she must investigate her own recent past, which mostly involves flashbacks to her earliest months at the FBI academy at Quantico, a zesty place filled with Abercrombie models who spew glib nicknames (a blonde is “Taylor Swift;” a Mormon is “Romney”), sweat backstory, and smirk intrigue.

This is exactly the sort of show you can sell to a network in 2015. It has a giant hook, it has attractive people in peril, it wantonly destroys a national landmark, and, yes, it does have sex in the first 10 minutes. (Alex and fellow trainee Ryan pull a reverse McDreamy in a rental car the day before orientation.)... The grandiosity of the display will likely lead to more forgiving reviews than my own; I wouldn’t be surprised if Quantico did quite well in the ratings. But beware anyone who says the show is “well-made.” It is “well-made” in the way frozen hamburgers are “well reheated” at your local fast-food franchise. These are borrowed ingredients. This is processed cheese.

The thing is, Quantico isn’t built to entertain. It’s designed to trick and distract, to buy a few more desperate moments of our overbooked attention with smugness and flash. In this, it’s endemic of the state of broadcast television in 2015. It’s a show so eager for someone to watch that it has completely disregarded the idea of ever making anyone care.

yuuuppp

looking forward to a thread full of people saying Supergirl looks badass

 

[John Kowalski]

postin in a stump thread

 

[RatskyWatsky]

Hilariously brutal article. I can't wait to watch some of these myself.

 

[Plasticine]

There is no Hannibal season 4 forthcoming, so I agree.

 

[RatskyWatsky]

There is no Hannibal season 4 forthcoming, so I agree.

That wouldn't be a fall show anyway though.

 

[BrokenFiction]

He seems very grumpy.

 

[bigkrev]

Glad to see Grantland still lets guys go out and throw fastballs, especially on the day that Wesley Morris left the website.

 

[Grizzlyjin]

All the pilots I've watched so far have been horrible. Supergirl was probably the best one, and that's just comparing it to other genre shows like Arrow and The Flash.

The Minority Report pilot is a disaster. The male lead doesn't work at all, and the entire thing is a joke. The movie was more subtle about the future technology moments, where the pilot stops to show you things from the future that have no relevance to the plot of what the main characters are doing. It's awkward. And that would be excusable if what they were showing was cool. But it isn't

 

[PeskyToaster]

Network TV has been bad compared to premium channels for a long time and cable has reached that status too. Both have left network tv to sit in its heavily censored, neutered pile of poopy.

Edit: Just finished reading his opinions on the different shows. Some pretty funny lines in there. Like " Do I have any interest in watching another episode? I do not." for Supergirl and "I am personally allergic to the work of Ryan Murphy." for Scream Queens. I agree with him about Ryan Murphy. The man does not deliver.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Life in Pieces, a hideous Modern Family clone that opens with a joke about the way post-pregnancy vaginas look like the Predator. None of this screams confidence, let alone competence.

Almost tempted to watch this just to see how bad it can get.

 

[butalala]

The idea of “too much TV” has become gospel of late in certain insidery circles. And while I share a layman’s frustration that this is a pretty rich problem to have, it is possible this fall to see the damage this overabundance of content is causing not to the overtaxed viewer but to a groaning industry itself.

I've been feeling this way for a couple of years now. Thanks to busy grad school and full time work schedule, I stick to a handful of shows and pick something up after it's gotten a season or two of good notes.

 

[robotrock]

Nathan for You Season 3 and Eric Andre Show Season 4 save me

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

Is that all it takes to get your own column these days, hyperboles and hyphens?

 

[Malvingt2]

Very brutal opinion. damn

 

[Bobby Roberts]

Glad to see Grantland still lets guys go out and throw fastballs, especially on the day that Wesley Morris left the website.

What? Wesley Morris bailed?

Where'd he go? I will follow.

Is that all it takes to get your own column these days, hyperboles and hyphens?

Try it in your posts and see if you rack up more quotes and "this"es.

 

[jtb]

What? Wesley Morris bailed?

Where'd he go? I will follow.

New York Times.

 

[Bobby Roberts]

New York Times.

No shit! I guess I don't have to follow, I'm already there, heh.

 

[TimmiT]

Wow, Muppets is bad? Kinda surprising if it is cause the pilot was pretty decent.

 

[ShabbadooJr]

Scream Queens looks good. But only watching 1 or 2 episodes makes it hard to judge a show. Last year people said Fresh off the Boat looked bad, but that show was one of last year's best new shows.

 

[PeskyToaster]

I've been feeling this way for a couple of years now. Thanks to busy grad school and full time work schedule, I stick to a handful of shows and pick something up after it's gotten a season or two of good notes.

I'm with you. Can't fit games, tv, reading, eating, socializing and sleeping on top of work. I haven't watched live TV in months while I am watching The Sopranos for the first time. I don't even watch Netflix anymore. I could live off of HBOs old shows.

 

[Plasticine]

That wouldn't be a fall show anyway though.

Don't let facts get between me and my lighter.

 

[-griffy-]

Thank goodness there's enough stuff on cable/premium to make up for this crap. I can't even recall the last time I was excited for a new fall show on a network. Maybe Almost Human just cause of the Fringe hype? Was that even fall?

 

[Bobby Roberts]

Wow, Muppets is bad? Kinda surprising if it is cause the pilot was pretty decent.

As the new series’ ooky marketing has communicated, The Muppets is an adult mockumentary sitcom, shot in the style of The Office. This means we’re treated to the “real” Kermit et al. as they navigate traffic on the 101, go on dates with human women, and attempt to mollify the non-kosher ego monster that is Miss Piggy. I don’t want to sound like another nostalgia-drunk thirtysomething, still clinging to the totems of his youth, but: Really? To my mind, the appeal of the Muppets was the way they represented the very best of show business, the old-fashioned desire to entertain and enlighten that is too often squashed by the sourness of people like, I don’t know, Ryan Murphy. (It’s a vibe that Jason Segel was able to re-create in his oddly underappreciated film from a few years back.) To drown them in the same bile strikes me as tone-deaf at best, cretinous at worst.

Well, shit. If the showrunner actually did turn all the Muppets into unlikable assholes (as opposed to Piggy being the only one of those in the cast) then that's going to be a pretty big problem.

 

[timetokill]

and have committed the full force of their not-inconsiderable assets to proving it.

Why wouldn't you just say "considerable" here? Why go for the double-negative?

 

[Trey]

Glad to see Grantland still lets guys go out and throw fastballs, especially on the day that Wesley Morris left the website.

Wesley Morris is gone? And his last review for that site was the Perfect Guy.

lol

 

[dead souls]

Great article, but why is anybody surprised that broadcast is mostly shit? I usually only try out one or two new shows a season from the big four and I watch a ridiculous amount of television.

If it wasn't for the CW I'd watch almost no broadcast television.

 

[Decado]

Not surprising. I've been largely ignoring the networks for years. Premium cable is where it is at. Basic cable can be pretty entertaining, too.

 

[Sonicbug]

Wow, Muppets is bad? Kinda surprising if it is cause the pilot was pretty decent.

It's strange, the things he's complaining about on the Muppets have always been present in every iteration. The muppets flirting with humans, double-intandres, famous guests everywhere... that's pretty much what the muppets have always done on their shows. (The first season of the original Muppet Show's guests were literally Jim Henson's friends/rolodex.)
It might fall flat for other reasons, like the actual jokes or not the right balance of screwball antics and heartfelt moments. If that's the case then yeah, the tone could be off... otherwise I feel like the dude needs to go back and watch old muppet stuff.

 

[CreeperBlocks]

Blindspot reminds me of John Doe( Remember that show?) Also I have this weird sinking feeling The Player will crossover with the The Blacklist if it is successful.

 

[dead souls]

Blindspot reminds me of John Doe( Remember that show?)

Indeed I do.

All I know about Blindspot is the ads for it during Hannibal made me want to cannibalize most of NBC. It's like, you're ruining the show and only five people are watching it anyway so the advertising is basically worthless.

 

[Hasphat'sAnts]

Wesley Morris is gone? And his last review for that site was the Perfect Guy.

lol

His going to the NYT was reported on for a while. Deadspin had a "future of Grantland" feature up like 2 months ago, and they were talking about Wesley Morris's contract negotiations.

It's a shame. Grantland gave a super serious, super accomplished writer a really unique platform.

In fact, I'd go so far as to say that their pop culture writers are way better than their sports writers.

 

[Joni]

Somehow I think this is more forced cynicism, which is good for the clicks. In the end, it'll turn out like every season with good and bad shows. And next year or the year after that, he'll claim it is is absolutely awful again and point at good years like 2015.

 

[chadskin]

Network television has really gone downhill fast in the last couple of years.

 

[AngmarsKing701]

I'll watch Blindspot, mostly because I love Blacklist.

Although come to think of it, I really only watch Blacklist because Spader cracks me up.

So Blindspot is Blacklist minus Spader.

Maybe they should have called it Dead Air.


Also, not surprised at the Quantico review.

There wasn't much in the list of new shows I considered watching this year. Which is good, because I still have way too many shows coming back to watch.

And of course Netflix...

 

[berzeli]

That was brutal. Not that he's wrong though, the fall lineup is looking incredibly anaemic.

 

[ivysaur12]

I have no real reverence for the Muppets the way some critics do, so I thought both episodes were really good, especially the second one.

 

[Messypandas]

Whats the fate of Halt and Catch Fire?

 

[Commodore]

I hope Blindspot turns out decent. Sucker for the premise. Like the lead.

 

[Freeza Under The Shower]

What I want to know is how many of these scripts have been 'vetted by big data'.

 

[Sober]

I'm usually one to jump to the defense of shows that are on broadcast, but he's not wrong. There really isn't much to be inspired by in any facet for much of the new shows coming out this fall. There are a few but Greenwald definitely eviscerated many of the tentpoles the networks have ready to go.

I'll reserve judgment until I see them all. That and I think critics have only gotten pilots and nothing else - which sounds disconcerting to say the least.

What I want to know is how many of these scripts have been 'vetted by big data'.

Sounds more like Netflix's MO.

 

[Bobby Roberts]

I have no real reverence for the Muppets the way some critics do, so I thought both episodes were really good, especially the second one.

This is good to hear.

I have reverence for the Muppets, but part of my reverence is for their particular brand of irreverence, which was on display in that reel they posted awhile back.

 

[Stumpokapow]

I have no real reverence for the Muppets the way some critics do, so I thought both episodes were really good, especially the second one.

Yeah that was kind of the conspicuous mention in this list, to me.

 

[maxcriden]

Here's the thing for me, and I was just talking about this with a friend a couple times recently. Most drama pilots for shows that end up being solid network TV, well they either suck or they aren't at all indicative of what the post-pilot eps will be like. Same with comedies to a lesser degree. So while I don't doubt these pilots are rough, I am hopeful some of the dramas will develop into eminently watchable television, as I think often happens, especially with some of the serialized or genre-heavy shows. (I mean, I think most TV comedies get stale very quickly, but that's a bit of a tangent.)

 

[Dan]

The Muppets is the only new network show I'm going to try, and I remain very skeptical of its direction. The reviews that are dropping now seem to verify many of those concerns.

Fox should have retooled Almost Human with a stronger supporting cast rather than invest in Minority Report.

 

[ivysaur12]

Yeah that was kind of the conspicuous mention in this list, to me.

Yeah, it's not the best comedy I've ever seen, but the critical revulsion to it seems based on a nostalgia-tinged idealism of the pure goodness of the Muppets or some idealized version of what Muppets are.

I liked it. I thought it was funny. I laughed a lot. I think it's okay that they were a little mean to each other. It's not the 70s. Shrug.

The Muppets is the only new network show I'm going to try, and I remain very skeptical of its direction. The reviews that are dropping now seem to verify many of those concerns.

It's the Muppets if they weren't hindered by their origins of a hyper sanitized network-system. I dunno. I thought it worked. I don't think there's some sort of sacrilege that Kate Arthur at Buzzfeed is somehow leading the crusade against.

Somehow I think this is more forced cynicism, which is good for the clicks. In the end, it'll turn out like every season with good and bad shows. And next year or the year after that, he'll claim it is is absolutely awful again and point at good years like 2015.

This is a bad year, but there is a tinge of cynicism to it.

 

[Rafa=FedKilla]

Somehow I think this is more forced cynicism, which is good for the clicks. In the end, it'll turn out like every season with good and bad shows. And next year or the year after that, he'll claim it is is absolutely awful again and point at good years like 2015.

Yep. His article reads like nothing more than the shallow "look at me!" cynicism of the television shows he castigated.

 

[kirblar]

I have no real reverence for the Muppets the way some critics do, so I thought both episodes were really good, especially the second one.

I wonder how many have only seen the kids-focused stuff instead of the all-ages material.

 

[TarpitCarnivore]

Almost tempted to watch this just to see how bad it can get.

Modern Family is insufferable as it is I can't even imagine a bad clone.

 

[Dan]

It's the Muppets if they weren't hindered by their origins of a hyper sanitized network-system. I dunno. I thought it worked. I don't think there's some sort of sacrilege that Kate Arthur at Buzzfeed is somehow leading the crusade against.

I'll see for myself. I doubt it's blasphemous, and I do think some of these critics forget that the original Muppet Show had lots of behind-the-scenes shenanigans (although restricted to the theater). I think it's more likely the show misses the mark by a matter of degrees. Particularly in foregrounding the relationships and demystifying the Muppets with so much of their personal lives and romantic interaction with humans. Certainly all of the stuff about following their dating lives sounds really off to me.

 

[firehawk12]

Like I posted in the cancellation thread, this is basically what anime is like every 4 months. lol