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[ourumov]

Following the trend of gaming-age, I finally got my ration of love disease...


I am currently studying computer engineering and I can't say there are a lot of girls in my class, besides they are not really interesting people for my tastes. Add to this that I am not the kind of person that goes out a lot and you'll find in front you a pretty solitary man. I have friends and all just that I really don't like to go out at nights, drink and all the stuff people is supposed to do at 22 years old.
Due to my studies plan, I had to go to another University to "learn" other subjects in other to complete my studies. I just needed the credits and I selected Economy and Cinema.

Nothing strange till here...

The problem is that while doing Economy I met a person that changed my life. She was a nice girl and soon we become very friends. For the first time I had found someone from the other sex that could understand me. It was great to talk with her even about the most banal things. In a few words, I had found someone that made me feel special.
I think I was totally in love in just a month.
I liked other girls before but not to that point. Actually I had never arrived at such a point in a relation, I have never had a girlfriend and I doubt I'll have one in a "near time".

All this happened during January-April. When I ended the classes we continued talking through msn (thanks M$, I can say you made sth for me) and one day she even came to my house for html lessons. This was during the summer. I was just waiting the time she would login to just hear a few words from her. It was the day after my birthday and she even brought me a present (24th August). I was like WTF...This had never happened to me. She confessed me one day that I was his best friend. I took this as a signal. It's already known that when you hear this you are doomed...so I kept my feelings for myself.

The point is that last wednesday I was talking with her and I asked her if she would explain sth to a friend if this could mean the end of the relation.
She suddenly understood me and asked me to go ahead to the point.

Well, then...I did something I had never done before. I explained her all my feelings and how I was feeling at the moment. I expected her to refuse me but what I heard was much more terrible.
She answered me that if I had done the same this summer, perhaps she would have "accepted my love" but that now no. She also said me that she didn't say anything because she considered I was not prepared for a relation. She didn't want to start something she wasn't very sure about just to cut it a few months later.
Not that she was wrong...well...I really don't know.
The fact is that even we have agreed to continue being friends, I already know this relation is doomed.
I feel really bad and I am really unhappy with myself. I hate myself for not being better and for not having reacted in a better way when I was supposed to due this.

I am really sad...Nothing interests me at this point...

 

[Error Macro]

What the fuck. Another person hurt by some goddamn bullshit spewed forth by a female. It's most likely some excuse; a cover-up for something else.

If you feel there isn't any hope for something with her in the future, bail the fuck out now. RIGHT NOW. Though, in the condition you're in, your emotions may betray you, and trick you into thinking there is a possibility it could work.

 

[nitewulf]

Following the trend of gaming-age, I finally got my ration of love disease...


I am currently studying computer engineering and I can't say there are a lot of girls in my class, besides they are not really interesting people for my tastes. Add to this that I am not the kind of person that goes out a lot and you'll find in front you a pretty solitary man. I have friends and all just that I really don't like to go out at nights, drink and all the stuff people is supposed to do at 22 years old.
Due to my studies plan, I had to go to another University to "learn" other subjects in other to complete my studies. I just needed the credits and I selected Economy and Cinema.

Nothing strange till here...

The problem is that while doing Economy I met a person that changed my life. She was a nice girl and soon we become very friends. For the first time I had found someone from the other sex that could understand me. It was great to talk with her even about the most banal things. In a few words, I had found someone that made me feel special.
I think I was totally in love in just a month.
I liked other girls before but not to that point. Actually I had never arrived at such a point in a relation, I have never had a girlfriend and I doubt I'll have one in a "near time".

All this happened during January-April. When I ended the classes we continued talking through msn (thanks M$, I can say you made sth for me) and one day she even came to my house for html lessons. This was during the summer. I was just waiting the time she would login to just hear a few words from her. It was the day after my birthday and she even brought me a present (24th August). I was like WTF...This had never happened to me. She confessed me one day that I was his best friend. I took this as a signal. It's already known that when you hear this you are doomed...so I kept my feelings for myself.

The point is that last wednesday I was talking with her and I asked her if she would explain sth to a friend if this could mean the end of the relation.
She suddenly understood me and asked me to go ahead to the point.

Well, then...I did something I had never done before. I explained her all my feelings and how I was feeling at the moment. I expected her to refuse me but what I heard was much more terrible.
She answered me that if I had done the same this summer, perhaps she would have "accepted my love" but that now no. She also said me that she didn't say anything because she considered I was not prepared for a relation. She didn't want to start something she wasn't very sure about just to cut it a few months later.
Not that she was wrong...well...I really don't know.
The fact is that even we have agreed to continue being friends, I already know this relation is doomed.
I feel really bad and I am really unhappy with myself. I hate myself for not being better and for not having reacted in a better way when I was supposed to due this.

I am really sad...Nothing interests me at this point...

wait...what?

not to joke around but, whaaaaaaaaaat? if you are both attracted to each other, just go for it. being friends w/ someone you're attracted to is very tough, and since she even considered it...i dont get what the problem is.

 

[ourumov]

For me the problem it's clear. I love her, she loved me and perhaps she continues loving me...but didn't/doesn't want to rush into a relation because she doesn't consider me prepared for it.
She said me that she could agree on being with me as a girlfriend but that she cannot imagine leaving me without causing me tons of pain. She knows me very well...I am that kind of person that takes things very bad even if they are stupid things...she said she didn't want to hurt me.
I told her she couldn't imagine what I could deliver to her in a relation. She answered I already had provided her a lot.
It's so confusing that every time I think on it...I get sadder.
I have the feeling I have found the person that's just made for me...and I feel I have lost her for not having been enough for her. Let's say I am still living in the childhood or that I am too sentimental but something fails on me.

 

[ElyrionX]

Here's the golden rule when it comes to girls:

Do not judge by their words, judge by their actions.

Girls like to spew forth lots of crap in order not to "hurt" your feelings. Action speaks louder than words......

What did she say? It doesn't matter what she said. All that matters is what she DID, NOT what she SAID.

Anyway, you probably blew it by not initiating the romance right from the start. Same shit happened to me recently too. It hurts but the only way is for you to move on. Also, by moving on, you are playing another game. By "moving on", what I mean is that you cut off ALL forms of contact. You don't initiate anything AT ALL. Wait and see. If she truly has any form of interest in you, she WILL initiate the contact after some time (probably ranging from two weeks to a month or two). If she doesn't, its further indication that she has no interest in you as a romantic partner. By moving on and forgetting about her, you just saving yourself a whole lot of heartache.

I feel for you because I went through something similiar before not too long ago. Only way is for you is to move on and forget her....

 

[Ill Saint]

You'd think that in this situation, everything would fall into it's perceived right place.

I dunno... maybe you can just explain your feelings to her again, and really stress to her how beautiful this could be if she just stopped fussing over pointless and imaginary issues.

Best of luck with it.

 

[Vormund]

Solution:

Yeah anyway, a quick read of that makes me think she wants to be chased a bit, partly because she want's to make sure that you are REALLY interested in her...

 

[Leon]

ourumov, I'm not sure if this will make you feel better or not, but :

She answered me that if I had done the same this summer, perhaps she would have "accepted my love" but that now no. She also said me that she didn't say anything because she considered I was not prepared for a relation. She didn't want to start something she wasn't very sure about just to cut it a few months later.

This is very probably untrue. I don't want to kick you when you're down, but I don't think she was interested from the start, and that this is simply an excuse to kind of alleviate the hurt she's causing you. She basically said no without turning you down and destroying your confidence, you know? And I think it's because she doesn't want to completely break your heart. Unfortunately for her, it backfired, and now you're beating yourself up for not initiating something before. But my advice is for you to stop feeling guilty, and keep staying friends with her. Even though a relationship may not come out of this right now or in the near future, use that time to get closer and closer to her, and I'm guessing you'd enjoy staying in touch with her, even as a friend. Just do your best to control your feelings starting NOW, buddy. In other words : stop regretting and don't go "if only she were my girlfriend bla bla bla". That's a recipe for depression. Instead, everytime you feel down, think something along the lines of "If I play my cards right day by day by day by day, then she may realize one day how perfect we are for each other". Stay positive. Although it's hard, stop feeling down. It will amount to nothing except more depression. Again, everytime you regret not having her as your girlfriend, FORCE YOURSELF TO REMEMBER that it's not going to happen now, but one day...it just might. So live your life, meet other people, etc...

That said, stay in touch with her. It may very much happen in the future, whether it's a month or 2 years. But STAY IN TOUCH, joke around with her, and remember, being the best friend is not always a bad thing. Most perfect couples were best friends before hooking up.

 

[Dujour]

She may be testing you, Ouru. She's testing your heart and trying to protect hers from the risk this all presents. I don't think you should give up hope entirely. I don't know how, but show her how good things can be with you two. You have to think of something, something that makes you unique... I don't know, otherwise, give up, don't pity yourself and have no qualms about it later. The only thing sad about this story is that you think it has ended.

 

[ZombieSupaStar]

FHUTA

 

[Argyle]

ourumov, I'm not sure if this will make you feel better or not, but :



This is very probably untrue. I don't want to kick you when you're down, but I don't think she was interested from the start, and that this is simply an excuse to kind of alleviate the hurt she's causing you. She basically said no without turning you down and destroying your confidence, you know? And I think it's because she doesn't want to completely break your heart. Unfortunately for her, it backfired, and now you're beating yourself up for not initiating something before. But my advice is for you to stop feeling guilty, and keep staying friends with her. Even though a relationship may not come out of this right now or in the near future, use that time to get closer and closer to her, and I'm guessing you'd enjoy staying in touch with her, even as a friend. Just do your best to control your feelings starting NOW, buddy. In other words : stop regretting and don't go "if only she were my girlfriend bla bla bla". That's a recipe for depression. Instead, everytime you feel down, think something along the lines of "If I play my cards right day by day by day by day, then she may realize one day how perfect we are for each other". Stay positive. Although it's hard, stop feeling down. It will amount to nothing except more depression. Again, everytime you regret not having her as your girlfriend, FORCE YOURSELF TO REMEMBER that it's not going to happen now, but one day...it just might. So live your life, meet other people, etc...

That said, stay in touch with her. It may very much happen in the future, whether it's a month or 2 years. But STAY IN TOUCH, joke around with her, and remember, being the best friend is not always a bad thing. Most perfect couples were best friends before hooking up.

No offense, Leon, I think you're generally on the right track, but as far as some of the specifics, this is probably the worst advice you can give him. (I actually agree with the first part - she wasn't interested in him romantically, and I think you'll find that we agree in general - he has to move on now.)

Ourumov, if you want to stay friends, with her, by all means, stay friends with her. BUT IF YOU DO, MAKE SURE YOU REALLY THINK OF HER AS A FRIEND, NOTHING MORE. Absolutely, positively, DO NOT think crap like "If I play my cards right day by day by day by day, then she may realize one day how perfect we are for each other". You NEED TO GET OVER HER. Honestly, it's probably easier if you just cut off all contact if you felt really strongly about this.

Instead, focus on yourself, build your confidence, try to meet other women. If you and her are meant to be, so be it, she'll make her intentions known eventually. But if you just get hung up on her thinking "someday she'll realize how perfect a couple we would be!" then you'll miss out on meeting and dating other women, and there's a really really good chance she will NEVER come around and realize what a great guy you are, leaving you as the nice guy who lets her cry on his shoulder.

Next time, if you're romantically interested, just ask her out at the beginning and see where it goes. DO NOT pour your heart out to her about how in love you are with her, etc. unless you are pretty damn sure she feels the same way, or you'll just put the both of you in a very socially awkward position (as you discovered).

 

[ourumov]

Thanks a lot to all of you, really. Your tips are very helpful in a moment like this. As I said, I had never experimented this in my life.
Kinda strange one posts his feelings in a forum where most of the people is from another country but I did it because I knew I would get something positive from you. Thanks.

 

[Leon]

Argyle, none taken at all.

Yes, we're both saying the same thing. I tried to explain why I said my "day by day" line, but I think it is much clearer and much less subtle in my head. I may be using my own similar experiences to try to illustrate his problem, but still, they're not quite exactly the same, hence the confusion.

In very few words though : ourumov, you should give up hope now, but shouldn't talk to her like it's never, ever gonna happen.

 

[Dujour]

I hope everything works out for the best, Ouru, whatever that may be.

 

[AssMan]

This is very probably untrue. I don't want to kick you when you're down, but I don't think she was interested from the start

I agree. If she was then she'd be all over you once you finally told her how you felt about her. Too bad though. Just a get a blow up doll and have sex it for now...

 

[norinrad21]

Just because you guys were close, bestfriends whatever, didn't actually mean she was into you you know? Maybe you were expecting too much.

If she does come around to date you, she would be doing it out of sympathy and i doubt you want that.

Some of you guys are too quick to fall for women who just wanted to hangout etc.


Anyway cheer up, all is not lost yet, there are still women out there who can make you feel better than she did

 

[Zaptruder]

Stop talking and start wooing. Start courting her and win her heart!

Give her flowers, make her dinner, bring her to dinner, give her romantic presents, learn new foreplay techniques (like skillfully massaging).

If you lose, then it's better to know then to always wonder.

 

[BojTrek]

Are you by any chance of Asian descent? What is her nationality? just wondering...

You type like William Huong speaks... this could point us in a direction... for some further jokes... just kidding...

 

[SFA_AOK]

I agree with Argyle. I don't know if she was just sparing you hurt... it was my initial suspicion but I don't know for sure... but anyway, if you think you can stay friends with her, I'd do it - great friendship plus you'll learn how to act around other women and become more confident in such situations. Not to use her for that experience but hey, it'd be an added bonus. But like Argyle says, only if you think you can be just friends with her. That may take some time but if you think you're up to it (and it's not as easy as shrugging your shoulders and thinking "Yeah, shouldn't be too hard!" - you *must* bear this in mind!), do it.

 

[Dilbert]

A couple of things...sorry if this is generic advice:

1) The single best thing you can do is to do your own thing right now, and look good doing it. Go out with friends. Smile and laugh a lot. Work out like a mofo. Be creative. It will help you get through the bad feelings, and you are INFINITELY more attractive when you're happy on your own. Desperation and depression are huge turn-offs.

2) In my experience, there is a time window that you get when you meet someone that you're attracted to. If you don't make a move within that window, you run a STRONG risk of having it turn into a friendship...or a frustrating situation like the one you have now. If you meet someone in the future, she's attractive and available, and you're interested...you'd better be willing to act on it. Yes, there are always exceptions -- the girl next door you've known for years but never considered, the hot girl who was dating your friend and eventually ends up liking you, etc. -- but those situations working out are EXTREMELY rare.

3) Huge displays of emotion are usually a turn-off. Despite the fact that girls want you to share your feelings...the paradox is that they want you to do that in small ways, not big ones. There is something very attractive about being a little mysterious, and dropping hints that you care -- while not saying it outright -- is a very effective way of stoking her interest.

4) If I had to suggest a strategy at this point, I'd mostly agree with Argyle. One way of playing this is to write it off as dead, chalk it up to experience, and move on. Breaking off all contact would be a good way to enforce that.

On the other hand, if you do still like her and hope for something more, breaking off all contact runs the risk of making her think that you're angry, which will push her away for GOOD. So, the only way to go forward is to make her chase YOU. You've already made the mistake (sorry, but it's true) of gushing out your feelings, so she knows where you stand: you'd like to date her. So, try to involve her in group activities with mutual friends, flirt with other girls when she's around, hang out with her in non-romantic ways...anything to try to give her the impression that you DON'T care anymore, without being an asshole. If she's at all attracted to you, it will bother her that she's apparently not as powerful in your life as she was before, and she'll start making small moves towards you. From there, it's just a matter of skill to get her REALLY interested before finally responding -- if you drop your guard too early, then she'll get her reassurance and nothing bigger will happen.

I'd vote for breaking off contact, personally, but your mileage may vary.

Good luck...

 

[olimario]

I'd vote keeping up the friendship.
8 Months before Christie Elaine and I were anything beyond friends, I told her how I felt and was met with stupid reasons and a 'I'll never be attracted to you like that'.
I stuck it out, though, and kept up the friendship because it was a good friendship.
Now we're closing in on 4 wonderful months in a relationship and the 2 prior to the 4 were spent in limbo between best friends and bf/gf.

Stay the course...

 

[demon]

I'd say, depending on your prior experience with girls, if you can do your best to detach yourself from your attraction to her and enjoy just being friends, it would be worth it because it gives you experience interacting with girls. Plus, (most) girls know other girls, and you may meet other girls through her.

 

[ElyrionX]

A couple of things...sorry if this is generic advice:

1) The single best thing you can do is to do your own thing right now, and look good doing it. Go out with friends. Smile and laugh a lot. Work out like a mofo. Be creative. It will help you get through the bad feelings, and you are INFINITELY more attractive when you're happy on your own. Desperation and depression are huge turn-offs.

2) In my experience, there is a time window that you get when you meet someone that you're attracted to. If you don't make a move within that window, you run a STRONG risk of having it turn into a friendship...or a frustrating situation like the one you have now. If you meet someone in the future, she's attractive and available, and you're interested...you'd better be willing to act on it. Yes, there are always exceptions -- the girl next door you've known for years but never considered, the hot girl who was dating your friend and eventually ends up liking you, etc. -- but those situations working out are EXTREMELY rare.

3) Huge displays of emotion are usually a turn-off. Despite the fact that girls want you to share your feelings...the paradox is that they want you to do that in small ways, not big ones. There is something very attractive about being a little mysterious, and dropping hints that you care -- while not saying it outright -- is a very effective way of stoking her interest.

4) If I had to suggest a strategy at this point, I'd mostly agree with Argyle. One way of playing this is to write it off as dead, chalk it up to experience, and move on. Breaking off all contact would be a good way to enforce that.

On the other hand, if you do still like her and hope for something more, breaking off all contact runs the risk of making her think that you're angry, which will push her away for GOOD. So, the only way to go forward is to make her chase YOU. You've already made the mistake (sorry, but it's true) of gushing out your feelings, so she knows where you stand: you'd like to date her. So, try to involve her in group activities with mutual friends, flirt with other girls when she's around, hang out with her in non-romantic ways...anything to try to give her the impression that you DON'T care anymore, without being an asshole. If she's at all attracted to you, it will bother her that she's apparently not as powerful in your life as she was before, and she'll start making small moves towards you. From there, it's just a matter of skill to get her REALLY interested before finally responding -- if you drop your guard too early, then she'll get her reassurance and nothing bigger will happen.

I'd vote for breaking off contact, personally, but your mileage may vary.

Good luck...

IAWTP

 

[3rdman]

Go have a beer and consul yourself in the fact that there are several billion girls you haven't met yet. Besides, when a girl (or anybody for that matter) say they want to be with you but circumstances keep them from doing that, its really just a nice way of saying, "I just want to be friends."

 

[Boogie]

A couple of things...sorry if this is generic advice:

1) The single best thing you can do is to do your own thing right now, and look good doing it. Go out with friends. Smile and laugh a lot. Work out like a mofo. Be creative. It will help you get through the bad feelings, and you are INFINITELY more attractive when you're happy on your own. Desperation and depression are huge turn-offs.

Although jinx is generally the master of advice in these threads, I have to say I'm so damn tired of hearing this one.

If been "doing my own thing" for forever now. It doesn't help me, and I'm getting bored of it. And it sure hasn't done squat in making any women take any notice of me whatsoever.

In general, it's good advice. But there comes a point where you're just too damn tired of only "doing your own thing", because it's seems like you're never going to be able to do any more than "your own thing".

[/frustrated rant]

 

[demon]

Although jinx is generally the master of advice in these threads, I have to say I'm so damn tired of hearing this one.

If been "doing my own thing" for forever now. It doesn't help me, and I'm getting bored of it. And it sure hasn't done squat in making any women take any notice of me whatsoever.

In general, it's good advice. But there comes a point where you're just too damn tired of only "doing your own thing", because it's seems like you're never going to be able to do any more than "your own thing".

[/frustrated rant]

IStronglyAWTP. I suppose you could take it as "do your own thing in a different way", but shit almighty, I've been "doing my own thing" for a hell of a long time. I dunno, I suppose there are many factors.....doing your own thing (being independant and not needy), putting yourself into situations where you meet lots of girls, knowing how to flirt and hook up with girls, etc etc. I suppose the second one is the one I'm having the most trouble with.....right now my only chance is approaching random girls in the street, in the library etc, and I just can't do that.

Plus, like I said, I've been doing my thing for so goddamn long, and I just get really lonely sometimes. I was antisocial and depressed for a long time but I really do like being with people and I really enjoy the company of girls. I don't want to just "do my own thing".

 

[lachesis]

I had somewhat similar exprience myself before I was married... I've known this girl for quite some time, and at the beginning, I had more or less romantic feeling towards her. She did not, however, had any feelings but expected mutual friendship. I told her regarding how I felt, and she flat-out refused, rejected. We did remain as friends for few years, although there were some risque moments where we 'almost' made out at one drunk night after a party (well, 3rd base, to be exact, for all those who are into this FHUTA thingie) right before graduation. I guess there was a little bit of romance/flirting in between us - but that awkward phase has passed when we were physically separated after my graduation.

After graduation from college, she and I did contact each other off and on via e-mail. I was living in NYC and working, and she visited me in NYC - We got to see each other, and all during her brief visit in NY. When she left, she e-mailed several time (in more frequent fashion than usual 1-2 month interval), and at one point, she confessed how she is feeling about me - now more than just friendship. She liked the fact that I had more "confidence" in me, because I'm making it my own in NYC, and asked me out.

At that point, however, I wasn't willing to fall for a long-distance relationship - and my feelings for her was just good friends, nothing more - and so I told her I care about her as a "friend" - and it was hard to revert my feelings for her after so many years being just friends. For my word, she and I said goodbye to each other, and I never heard from her.

I did, lose a good friend. It was really saddening, but I moved on - and after few gf off and on, I finally met my wife and happily ever after, and I do not regret my marriage not for one minute of my life.

What I would say isn't much different - but girls in general do like men who are sure of themselves and dependable. (but not a die-hard), which naturally comes from being more "presentable". I'm sure she once had some feelings for you - and it "can" change into romance if you become more presentable to her eyes, and keep the comfortable distance - girls natually have this "I have you" feelings even if they are going out with another man, it seems. Be accessible, but not totally accessible. Be a lover, friend - but total stranger at the same time - and if you make yourself more presentable, there's a good chance that she would try to "double check your feelings to her" in near future.

Good luck!
lachesis

 

[Eminem]

FHUTA

oh my god. :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol that was one of the best posts I've ever read here. I'm reading the replies and they're all genuine and serious and all of a sudden the FHU-bomb

Classic.


that being said, the best advice has already been given:

That said, stay in touch with her. It may very much happen in the future, whether it's a month or 2 years. But STAY IN TOUCH, joke around with her, and remember, being the best friend is not always a bad thing. Most perfect couples were best friends before hooking up.

that's the fucking truth. it has happened to me. it took an entire year, actually. but now i couldn't be happier. that being said, it took me about 3 months of bad depression to get over her rejecting me the first time. so if nothing else, just hang in there.

 

[Dilbert]

Although jinx is generally the master of advice in these threads, I have to say I'm so damn tired of hearing this one.

If been "doing my own thing" for forever now. It doesn't help me, and I'm getting bored of it. And it sure hasn't done squat in making any women take any notice of me whatsoever.

In general, it's good advice. But there comes a point where you're just too damn tired of only "doing your own thing", because it's seems like you're never going to be able to do any more than "your own thing".

[/frustrated rant]

It's true -- it's a vast oversimplification to just say, "Do your own thing," and it strongly depends on where you are in your life. If my current GF decided to kick me to the curb, and I just "did my own thing," I'd probably die single. Dating at work is usually a bad idea, I've never had luck picking anyone up at the gym, the audience at poetry readings tends to be the same ol' folks over and over, and playing videogames at home isn't going to end up with me getting any unless the pizza delivery girl wants a very special tip. </FANTASY> On the other hand, if I was still in college, I wouldn't be worried in the slightest, since I'd be meeting a new group of people every couple of weeks.

So, it's not necessarily a bad thing to TRY to meet girls. Date online, meet girls through friends, go to a club if that's your kind of thing. But they won't be interested if you don't seem like you're happy and on your shit -- and if you don't have your own life, what would you talk about once you get past the opening line? And when you DO meet someone, you can't instantly change the focus of your life to them -- scary stuff, and they'll run in the other direction in a hurry.

 

[Boogie]

On the other hand, if I was still in college, I wouldn't be worried in the slightest, since I'd be meeting a new group of people every couple of weeks.
.

Hate to drag this on, but see, this is my frustration. I am in college, and I ain't meeting anyone. There's my floormates, the people (all guys) at Jiu-jitsu, and that's it.

So, it's not necessarily a bad thing to TRY to meet girls. Date online, meet girls through friends, go to a club if that's your kind of thing.

I ain't a clubber, I ain't meeting anyone through friends, and although I have recently sunk to the level of signing up to Lavalife, I'm not having any more success there than I am in the "real" world.

But they won't be interested if you don't seem like you're happy and on your shit -- and if you don't have your own life, what would you talk about once you get past the opening line? And when you DO meet someone, you can't instantly change the focus of your life to them -- scary stuff, and they'll run in the other direction in a hurry

What would I talk about once I get past an opening line? I don't know. That's my main problem. I have next to no casual conversation skills. I can't get any girl's interest, period.

 

[Dujour]

Hate to drag this on, but see, this is my frustration. I am in college, and I ain't meeting anyone. There's my floormates, the people (all guys) at Jiu-jitsu, and that's it.



I ain't a clubber, I ain't meeting anyone through friends, and although I have recently sunk to the level of signing up to Lavalife, I'm not having any more success there than I am in the "real" world.



What would I talk about once I get past an opening line? I don't know. That's my main problem. I have next to no casual conversation skills. I can't get any girl's interest, period.

No offense, but I have no idea as to why you're single. I think the same about a few of my friends, and they just give themselves excuses for being alone. Someone's missing out on a great person. That said, you probably have the Bruce Banner complex or something. I don't know.

 

[nitewulf]

Hate to drag this on, but see, this is my frustration. I am in college, and I ain't meeting anyone. There's my floormates, the people (all guys) at Jiu-jitsu, and that's it.



I ain't a clubber, I ain't meeting anyone through friends, and although I have recently sunk to the level of signing up to Lavalife, I'm not having any more success there than I am in the "real" world.



What would I talk about once I get past an opening line? I don't know. That's my main problem. I have next to no casual conversation skills. I can't get any girl's interest, period.

what do you study in school? or literary/musical interests. hell, why not try yahoo personals?
first look for some casual relationships online, screw a bit and dont get serious.
basically in your personal descriptions or whatever, put in your best picture, and make sure to explicitly mention all you're looking for is casual sex. or just friendship. though i think the casual sex thing will work out better.
so meet a few slutty chics online, have some sex, gain a better perspective about yourself i guess.
you cant blame yourself if you cant try, you said yourself that you have no conversation skills...so if you want girls, make yourself learn some regular chit chat. make a few lists of current evens, jokes etc. you have to go and get girls, they never come to you.

 

[Boogie]

No offense, but I have no idea as to why you're single. I think the same about a few of my friends, and they just give themselves excuses for being alone. Someone's missing out on a great person. That said, you probably have the Bruce Banner complex or something. I don't know.

Offense? On the contrary, I'm flattered by your words. Thanks Sera, really.

first look for some casual relationships online, screw a bit and dont get serious.
basically in your personal descriptions or whatever, put in your best picture, and make sure to explicitly mention all you're looking for is casual sex. or just friendship. though i think the casual sex thing will work out better.
so meet a few slutty chics online, have some sex, gain a better perspective about yourself i guess.

I really hope you're kidding.

 

[demon]

Yesterday afternoon I was watching a *sigh* epsidode of Malcom in the Middle, and it was one where Malcom discovered that things get a lot easier when he just stops thinking, and it really helps with girls too. I wonder if that's what I need to do.....just stop thinking about shit when I'm interacting with girls and say whatever the fuck comes to mind and not give a damn what happens.

But again, I think my biggest problem by far is being in situations where I can meet girls.....dorm, college classes, etc: the things I don't have anymore.

 

[Ninja Scooter]

tell her "You without me is like Harold Melvin without the Blue Notes, you'll NEVER go platinum!"

 

[Nos_G]

Yesterday afternoon I was watching a *sigh* epsidode of Malcom in the Middle, and it was one where Malcom discovered that things get a lot easier when he just stops thinking, and it really helps with girls too. I wonder if that's what I need to do.....just stop thinking about shit when I'm interacting with girls and say whatever the fuck comes to mind and not give a damn what happens.

But again, I think my biggest problem by far is being in situations where I can meet girls.....dorm, college classes, etc: the things I don't have anymore.

That actually works for all aspects of life.

When you are stressed about anything, just remember KISS. (Keep It Simple Stupid)

 

[demon]

That actually works for all aspects of life.

When you are stressed about anything, just remember KISS. (Keep It Simple Stupid)

?

 

[Defensor]

ourumov, I hope everything works out for the best bro. Trying to be friends after that kind of situation is very awkward but I think you might be able to work it out for the best.

 

[WHOAguitarninja]

One thing I've learned. If you're interested in a girl, and she seems even mildly the same, then don't dawdle around wondering if it could work. Just GO for it. If it doesn,t oh well, no biggie, if it does, then kick ass.

If you wait though, it NEVER EVER works.

Sorry to hear things didn't go the way you hoped though. I really know the feeling (beleive it or not I've been in the EXACT fucking same position before), and it really sucks.

 

[J2 Cool]

Stop talking and start wooing. Start courting her and win her heart!

Give her flowers, make her dinner, bring her to dinner, give her romantic presents, learn new foreplay techniques (like skillfully massaging).

If you lose, then it's better to know then to always wonder.

Does this actually ever work? Because that would be pretty cool if it ever does. I can imagine it scaring more girls than it attracts though. About 99% more scaring than attracting.

Anyway, from my experience, the judge by action and not by a girls words is very true. They're like little 5 year olds. "I want the ball! I want it!". Try to hand them the ball and the run away crying. Then the bitch is seen with another guy in the sandbox... It's just not right. The best thing to do, is not to say you love her. As much as you may feel you love someone right away do not say it. I said it to the last girl before she did to me. I still believe I loved her but still, I gave her the advantage. She said it to me after that point but remember, actions > words.

You have to think of girls as a benefit to your life, not your life. When they become you're life then it becomes dangerous territory. Enjoy all the little things in life and all the positive on a daily basis. When you meet a girl and things get interesting you stay the same. She won't leave you if you have a lot of things besides her that you enjoy and she's just a part of your life. Then you show her you're true feelings by buying a rose or doing something special for her on occasion. If that's all you do though she'll run away. You gotta balance between being the non-caring asshole and the sweet guy. Because neither of too much is good. And not caring so much doesnt automatically make you have to be an asshole.

Oh yeah, and be cocky and funny and never forget to fhuta.

 

[rastex]

Ok, this might sound insentive and crap, but I'm seriously sick and tired of nerdy anti-social computer nerds feeling sorry for themselves because of some girl. It's really really pathetic and it seems to be a pretty widespread problem. And the thing is, I used to be the EXACT same way, the exact same way. All through high school I'd pine and yearn for that one girl and something would happen or she'd be taken or whatever, and I'd kick myself and hate the world.

Then I grew up. There's no point in stressing so much about it, no point at all. Stressing only serves to make it more difficult to get a girl. It's tough not to stress though, it sucks being lonely and without a girl, it sucks bigtime. But that's what strength, will and character are about, how you act in hardship. Stop being a damn pussy and stop stressing. Be GLAD that your biggest problem is some girl and not finding food for tonight. PERSPECTIVE.

The essense of Cocky and Funny is that you don't stress. Cocky means that you're confident in yourself that you KNOW you're a damn good catch, that you have a lot to offer, and if the girl doesn't see that, then that's her problem and she's not worth it anwyay. Just be a good guy, work on improving yourself, stop stressing about girls and things will work out. If not, at least you'll do well in school.

 

[Boogie]

Gee, such insight. Never hear any of that before. :rolleyes

 

[rastex]

Gee, such insight. Never hear any of that before. :rolleyes

So why are you still acting like a bitch?

Seriously, you're in friggin COLLEGE and you're using Lavalife* I'm in university too, and here's all the places I've met girls.

Gym
Class
Boxing
Through friends
Clubs

And you know what? Those are all the things that I do, every place I go to I've met someone. And I'm not robertsan or anything like that, I'm seriously just an average guy. So there's obviously something wrong with you possibly more than your sniveling self-pity.

If you're a good guy, nice to people, pleasant to be around then things will happen to you. I'm not saying you have to be the party animal or anything like that, but that you contribute to the group that you're at, people like having you around, that type of thing. If that happens then people you know will tell the people THEY know about you and someone's interest will be sparked. But if you're always a bitch then nobody's gonna wanna be with you unless they're bitches a well.

Oh, and EVERY girl, without exception, likes a clean-cut nicely dressed fellow, unless they're into a scene (punk, hip-hop, etc). I'm not talking prepped out or anything like that, just respectful, it's a mark of confidence and self-pride.


*Note: Nothing against Lavalife, I actually think it provides a great service and can allow some people to meet that would have never had the opportunity otherwise. But I think it's more relegated to older people that are too busy to go "out".

 

[Boogie]

So why are you still acting like a bitch?

...

So there's obviously something wrong with you possibly more than your sniveling self-pity.

If you're a good guy, nice to people, pleasant to be around then things will happen to you. I'm not saying you have to be the party animal or anything like that, but that you contribute to the group that you're at, people like having you around, that type of thing. If that happens then people you know will tell the people THEY know about you and someone's interest will be sparked. But if you're always a bitch then nobody's gonna wanna be with you unless they're bitches a well.

Snivelling self-pity? Acting like a bitch?

It may be easy for you to just throw people into a nice easily-labelled box so that you can dispense your pre-packaged advice to them. But guess what? You have no idea how I act when I hang around with my friends. But I'll give you a hint: "snivelling self-pity" and "acting like a bitch" aren't accurate descriptions. I'm a fun enough guy to hang out with around my friends, but I'm sure you won't take my word for it.

If you're a good guy, nice to people, pleasant to be around then things will happen to you.

Well, guess what? I'm a good guy, nice to people, and pleasant to be around. But things aren't happening to me. So your blanket assurance is wrong. But of course, in order to explain it away, you have to resort to calling me a bitch. Very enlightened of you.

 

[J2 Cool]

Jeez guys, let's not complicate it. FHUTA. It's not just 5 letters. It's a motto, like hakuna matata or something.. fhuta

 

[demon]

Admit it, Boogie. You're such a bitch.

 

[demon]

And as a side note, I don't see how anyone who looks like James Spader can't get any chicks. James Spader is NOBODY'S bitch.

 

[Boogie]

And as a side note, I don't see how anyone who looks like James Spader can't get any chicks. James Spader is NOBODY'S bitch.

:lol

 

[MoxManiac]

Apparently you haven't seen Stargate (the movie), demon

 

[demon]

Apparently you haven't seen Stargate (the movie), demon

*shhhh* I'm trying to lift Boogie's spirits, and now you've gone and ruined it.

sorry Boogie.